CletusMusashi

One good thing about Zack 2.0: he's fatter than the last one. So if he gets eaten by vampires next week, they might be too full to chase anyone else.

He's tough, he's smart, he's good-hearted, he's funny, and he never got the memo about Eph being the show's hero. He's not even a sidekick for Abe! Or if so, just barely. And, to be fair, quite understandably. There are other very smart people in the group, but he is probably the best at quickly turning new data into results. And I think it's high time the man gets his own damned thread.

Well, an immortal stupid enough to brag to his prey species that he has the power to switch bodies might be stupid enough to do anything. He's certainly capable of understanding the concept of stealth and cunning, but in the long run it does not seem to suit his ego. Makes me wonder what the names of the other six are. I'm thinking something along the lines of Eaty, Drinky, Sucky, Stingy, Drainy, Feasty, and... MASTER!

I can't see how most of the story's mythos was hogwash. Sardu's body and sword still exist, so obviously so did he. It wasn't some ancient tale; the hunters were carrying muskets. And Sardu's body does host The Master. A normal version of the tale would be "Kindly giant, blah blah, turned into a monster, blah blah, became super evil, yadda yadda ydda." Maybe add some obvious fictional embellishments like he can turn into a bat or whatever, but everything we saw or heard actually fits the "reality" of what we've been watching. I believe that the story is completely true. I'm just baffled about about who first told it. Although.. The Master does have a history of bragging and taunting his enemies way more than is healthy. So maybe he did shoot his mouth off a few times at some nineteenth century Slavic storyteller. I can't say it wouldn't be in character for him. ETA: I just realized: Chekhov's Lesson alert: Any time you see a group of kids learning something in class, it ends up being very important to them very soon. Today's class consisted entirely of having Newton's Third Law explained to them twice. Please let there be some kind of completely awesome payoff to that.

You had to mention Trump and wigs in the same post, didn't you? Please please please let Eldritch go very, very bald very, very quickly and try to disguise it by wearing an orangutan-orange wig!Either that, or let him finally get turned all the way, only to have his dick fall off right before his big baseball date with... my closed captioning is not actually working... Coocamoosha?

I like Eph a little bit better when he's drunk. The Ancients would be a lot scarier if they didn't look like some kind of newfangled artsy dance troupe when they're feeding. As much as I enjoy a good, evil villain, this shit with the kids is really making it hard to love hating Eichorst. I wish the Blues Brothers would show up and run him over. "Vampire Nazis?" "I HATE vampire Nazis!"

Granny Setrakian seems to have had quite a bit of very specific knowledge about what happened in a secret vampire cave. It's not a bad story, but... how does she know all these details? Did she read The Master's diary? Damn, he needs a name. The world does not need another old bald vampire named "The Master." Of course, it also seems to me like that original giant's body should have had a somewhat larger sword cane...

Funny that, just moments before the second season premier begins, they're finishing up a "Twilight" marathon! "Blah!" indeed. Screw it, though, as long as I'm here, I suppose it's as good a place as any to mention something I've found interesting about the show's vampers. I've been saying for years that we're evolving into a telepathic species. Not in the conventional psychic powers way, but in the artificial, technological, using tools to constantly communicate way. So what does a truly telepathic monster do first, in order to defeat us? It kills the internet and phones. Because it can communicate just fine without them.

So what's with the title? Is the Master holed up at Burger King? 'Cause, that Burger King guy is scary enough, even without a giant mouth-tentacle.

OK, that's a season, then. I'm finally ready to watch tomorrow night. Here are some thoughts I'm left with after this finale. Eph is the one giving sword fighting lessons? Really? And he starts with "Show it to them first." Don't show it to them while, say, holding the blade toward them, so you can counterattack with it and burn any parts that come near you. Just sort of stand there with it on your shoulder like you're playing baseball. Yeah, that'll win the fight. Abraham should have slapped him aside and taken over right then and there, but apparently somebody from the network went over there right before the episode started and reminded everybody that Eph is the big heroic star of the show. Eichorst seems awfully comfortable walking around in sunlit offices during the day. It's becoming kind of a Spike thing. Are we sure wood can't kill vampires? Maybe we should try, by poking one of them in the heart with Fitzwilliam's "acting." Holy crap, did that goodbye speech go on forever. Seriously... Eph is the one giving sword fighting lessons? Shit, I'd even rather learn from Twiggy. The girl weights exactly twenty seven pounds, three of which is blonde hair extensions, yet she managed to actually kick some ass in hand to hand combat. That's skill. Eph is is just some big douchebag who tends to win fights because he can hit harder than douchebags who aren't big. What the hell is Zack supposed learn from that? "Keep sucking all the life out of your scenes, boy, and maybe the actor they replace you with will be physically larger?" I'm still waiting for a flashback in which we find out that Abraham once "took the white, but not the worm." Maybe he did it deliberately. Maybe BatKrusty or Eichorst did it, because they seem to love gratuitously torturing protagonists for as long as possible. Or maybe he just happens to have accidentally gotten sprayed in the mouth during a fight with vampire blood. Any of these make more sense than believing him to be over ninety years old and still decapitating monsters left and right. Even without a souped-up metabolism, I could still see him being that badass into his seventies, but eventually it gets pretty hard to swallow. Gus is a dick. He's not some street tough with a heart of gold. He's a thug who happens to have had a tiny number of people he actually gave a shit about. However, I do love his willingness to embrace both sides of the "fight or flight" response. You see a lot of action heroes running to a fight, but not many who will just see something scary and run like hell away from it. And, most of all... Eph is the lead sword trainer? As in "This is how you kill vampires with a sword?" There isn't anybody else there who should maybe be teaching him?

Dear Show: Please get rid of Twiggy so that Fet can concentrate on being a completely awesome vampire exterminator.

When they came to that big crowded chamber, the first words out of my mouth were immediately: "That's a lot of monsters." One or two seconds later, Vassily said the same exact thing. I love moments like that.

You say that like it's a bad thing.

I was listening for the hand crunch and didn't hear one, although maybe my sound wasn't up high enough. Afterwards, I figured Nazi Vamp had specifically chosen not to injure the hand, because a. He was skilled enough not to have to, and, more importantly, b. He didn't want the body heist job getting botched because of an injured hand.

Still binge-watching the show to catch up for Season 2, So I haven't had a lot of time to think about it, but before I read this thread, it never really occurred to me to wonder why it took place in New York. Now, though... I can't stop wondering if The Master is going to climb the Empire State Building.

Should we dopplegang this thread over onto the " F the Dead" forum? I mean, there are "Angel" fans who never got into Buffy, as weird as that seems to some. And there are DS9 fans who never particularly liked TNG. Weirder yet, there are people who loved TNG, because they apparently thought a Frenchman with a British accent was more exciting than William Shatner banging green chicks and smacking everybody in sight with his two-fisted hammer smack. But if FTD or whatever we end up calling it does end up being a significantly different show than its parent, the new fans will still have to contend with the "old farts" of the franchise. "Who the hell are Brillip and Katmiss?" and "What the fuck is an Unfair Wolf?" are likely to be communication issues, even if the terms are only tossed out in a passing joke. And it works both ways. Maybe the new show and/or its forum, is not quite as consistently entertaining as this one. So if there ends up being a character on it who the fans are calling... I got nuthin... just looking around the desk and... this character's nickname is... A1 Sauce McScissorston von Keyboard... the Fortieth... it would be nice if I could look up what the hell that was a reference to. Names, of course, tend to be easy. I mean, there's no mistaking which character is probably called Father Pee Pants. But it's 2015. Abbreviations can and will happen, more and more often. And, really, with a spinoff, as spoilerphobic as I am, I'm just not sure the same rules apply. For example: If a "Laverne and Shirley" fan was angry at me for spoiling the end of the Fonzie/ Pinky Tuscadero arc.. I would punch them unconscious in mid-sentence, pour applesauce into their mouth until they drowned, and then feed their newborn children nothing but slightly ground raw acorns. And I would sing to them. And... you have not heard me sing. But I am still very confident that you would prefer Beth. Just saying. Neither show is running right now. Seems like a good time to bounce opinions around.

I wonder if the title is actually indicative of what the nature of the show will be. There are basically three kinds of zombie story. One is actually about zombies as characters. TV shows such as "iZombie" and "In the Flesh," movies such as "Last Rites," aka "Zombies Anonymous," and books such as "Breathers: A Zombie's Lament," are all examples of that one. I think we can safely rule it out as a possibility. The next one is the traditional Romero model, in which humans are both protagonist and antagonist, while zombies are simply a metaphor. This is where TWD itself lives. Zombies are threat, but they're not the biggest threat. They certainly won't lure you into a stockyard car, or blow up your house with a tank. They are a dangerous nuisance to be aware of, but they serve mainly as an excuse to drive the real story arcs. Kind of like how the main plot of a western is never just two hours of finding water in the desert. And the third model is about zombies as the actual, continuing, immediate main problem. "World War Z," the novel at least (I refuse to discuss the movie, because it never existed, la la la I'm not listening!) showed a lot of ways to do that, although some of the vignettes did go into Category 2 instead. "I Am Legend," mostly fits this category, as do a lot of low-budget horror flicks and violent shooter-games. These can be very dark, or very silly and comedic, or anything in between. Since we already have a Type 2 series set in the Deadverse, I'd like to see a Type 3. Which, sure TWD started out as, but it started turning into a Type 2 the second Merle appeared. And I wouldn't have that any other way. Maybe this time, though, they can focus longer on making the zombies themselves something to constantly fear, and save up their politicians and murder-gangs for the main series. As slowly as the main series moves sometimes, I don't want to see ideas spread even thinner between two overly similar shows.

And they weren't even the only organization of that nature in England. I'd say that a witch coven that can easily reform uberpowerful supervillainesses over one course of summer camp is probably a pretty big player in the "Saves the World A Lot" games. Plus, whatever group Holtz worked for over on AtS seemed to also get things done better than the Watchers. Helpful tip: don't routinely murder your best fighters as soon as they're old enough to move out their parent's house. I assume that after he was out of the picture they continued to evolve into something along the lines of what the Initiative was originally meant to be. A bunch of guys watching "Masterpiece Theatre" sums up the WC pretty well. Go back to Season 1 and look what a dork they turned Ripper into. He didn't get his mojo back until he moved to America and spent some time barely even hearing from them. And the less said about Wesley when he was with them, the better. Thank god Giles never got that crappy spinoff show.

Well, I suppose Arnold could be the new Governor...

Starburns: Kiss me! Quendra: What?! Starburns: I'll explain later! Quendra: NO!!! Starburns: I'll explain later! Quendra: An explanation isn't the issue!

I'm a little late to the race debate, but it's good to see a few others were annoyed by the Omec. I mean, what do we actually know about them, that makes them different from the other aliens that we've seen? 1. They are a brutal warrior race, obsessed with conquest and slaughter. 2. They are black people. Most scenes are darkly enough lit that on many screens the purple barely shows. and 3. They wear loose-fitting clothing and wraps around their heads. So, basically, the new villains are gratuitously evil black folk wearing turbans. C.S. Lewis called. He wants his racial views back.

No, Stannis was not a ham. That job was taken by Robert.

My balone has a first name... it's O-S-C-A-R...

Why did Ellaria just stand there, waiting for the signs of poison to show? First of all, it's obvious to anyone who happens to look at you. Is she trying to get caught? I can understand if she is. It would fit with the characters' grief and alleged moral conflict. But if she's not worried about getting away with it, then why not do it quicker? Walk over to say goodbye, stab the girl, and then get your head chopped off by Entire Secret Service Guy. All standing on the shore waiting for obvious signs of poison to show does is implicate yourself and your daughters for regicide. And if you're just going to take an antidote immediately anyway, then what's the point? Not even a death wish makes any sense. All it does, to me, is: a. To show us that the poisoner who just kissed the girl on the lips who is now dying of poison used poison on her lips. Because apparently the writers do not think any of us have ever seen a movie or TV show in our lives. and b. Reminds everybody how stupid and nonsensical that "instant antidote" trope is. You've been standing there while the poison permeated your entire blood stream. It has now done enough damage that you are starting to seep blood out of your respiratory system. Ah, but if you just swallow the cure, it will magically bypass your stomach lining and go straight into your bloodstream where it will immediately cure all damage done by the chemical that was working on you for a longer time! Is it magic poison? i hope so, because that would actually be more plausible.

If it's the latter, I'm already shipping it with Ser Pounce.