CletusMusashi

I tend to think of the Lord of Light as more of a force of nature than as an "invisible person in the sky" type god. Thoros may believe it has personality and will, but for all we know he could just be anthropomorphizing. So that's why Melisandre, with her completely different outlook on the god, can still get results from it. Knowing how to employ prayers and rituals is like knowing how to use an electrical plug, but the electricity itself really has no opinion on whether you're using to toast waffles or download porn. Even Danaerys, with no training whatsoever in that religion, figured out a way to tap into that power. But, speaking of Danaerys, maybe the LOL does have a mind and agenda, and Dany is the reason it changed its mind about Stannis. In that case, it would now be giving Mel instructions to prepare Westeros for the return of the Targaryans.

Olly because he sucks, and I don't want to sit through any more scenes of him sucking. He somehow manages to be boring and annoying at the same time. Ellaria because she doesn't even seem to know she's a Game of Thrones character. I don't know what show she's doing, but she simply does not fit. Her plots are so ridiculously glaringly obvious that she might as well be cackling like a witch and talking to herself out loud while she carries them out. Actually... give me a few episodes on Ellaria. She might get kind of funny after a while. Unlike... Littlefinger. The self-designated sneakiest man in the world, who absolutely never shuts up about being sneaky. He's tedious, and so are his accents. Reek does not interest me and is welcome to die in that fall and stay off my screen. I actually wouldn't mind if Stannis tuned out to be alive, although I can't see it happening. At least he's more compelling than the others that I've listed. I'm on the fence about Ramsay. Dead, eventually? Yes. Dead horribly? Absolutely. But dead soon? I'm not sure. In Seasons 3 and 4 I hated his performance. Far too over the top, and that grinningly sadistic manchild schtick isn't really all that unique in fictional villains. But now, with the show as grim and depressing as it so often is, he almost qualifies as comedy relief. I don't love hating him the way I did Joffrey, but at least I like hating him. It's a start. Oh, and of course Melisandre can die right now.

I do not realize that, because unlike the sparrows, the harpies are being shown as a secret terrorist organization. Why did they need masks before? To scare the slaves, which they owned, and could simply hit with a whip? The closest real world equivalent to the Harpies has seemed, to me, to be the Ku Klux Klan, who only arose after emancipation. More expensive sheets, obviously, but similar problem with the new way of life. I did not even realize that there was a harpy religion. All I know is that it's a popular symbol in Essos. Does that mean that Westeros has stag churches and dire wolf churches? It might, I suppose. But if so, the show hasn't been very clear. Now that I actually think about them, the priests of Slaver's Bay have been interesting inconspicuous. All I really know about their religion is that there is apparently somebody in town who can perform wedding ceremonies. But he could just be a sea captain.

I agree about Brienne. But, to be fair to Arya, she's never shown herself to be religious, so not really being into the cult but still wanting to learn their assassination tricks isn't childish. It's pragmatic. The real question is: if Sansa were chained up in the brothel, and Arya had one chance to either save her sister or kill Trant, which would she do? I can quite easily see her saving Sansa. But being very pissed off about it.

I want tickets to the Mace Tyrell Show.

They obviously weren't bought on ebay. There's a metalworker in town who was quite busy making those things. I think as soon as the Harpies started being a thing, they should have had a few guards check the shops.If you find a guy making harpy masks, you interrogate him to find out who was buying. The situation would never have gotten to the point that it did if Tyrion and/or Varys had been there to give advice earlier. At best, you find the Harpies themselves. At worst, you convince the smiths that making more of those masks is not a good idea. Then what are the SotH gonna do? Sit around trying to make scary costumes out of cereal boxes or something?

Boxes and boxes full. Also some dwarf heads. For my experiment.

On the one hand, I suppose I'd rather Jon lived. He's boring, but at least he's one of the few characters actually accomplishing any good. On the other hand, I'm afraid Firebush would need a sacrifice to save him, and it might be Ghost. On the other other hand, it might be Olly, which would be great! We'd never be clumsily directed to give a shit about that character ever again. But on the other other other hand, if Jon gets another story arc with another redhead... you do know what five words she's going to have to tell him, like five or six hundred times, don't you?

About double-crossing Renly: It's not his style. When he offered to (temporarily) make him his heir after they joined forces, he meant it. When he said otherwise it would be war, he meant that, too. And in warfare, there is no "magical shadowbaby assassins are not allowed" rule. Even with Shireen, when he said he loved her, he meant it. But he never promised that he wouldn't burn her alive it he thought it was the only way to save a kingdom. Stannis believed in rules more than in anything else. About his claim to the throne: I'm not sure the sparrows would be fans of a foreign witch who worships only one god and likes to execute people who disagree with her theology. Stannis might be able to get in with them if he turned on her and renounced his new faith, but of course he would never do that, because, rules.

"The Adventures of FrankenBastard and Ghost!" I would watch the shit out of that. Assuming that's what actually happens. I doubt it though. They seem to be going out of their way to shock us. For no particular reason except to shock us. So they're probably going to leave Jon dead, just so we can watch Ghost swear vengeance... I'm sorry, that should be "rare rengeance!.." and team up with Melisandre in order to make a Shadow Puppy.

Realistically, you'd expect Thorne to claim it, but they'll probably give the damned thing to fucking Olly, because everybody on the show seems to want to treat the kid like he's Wesley Crusher or something. Except Wesley was the son of an important officer, so at least it was understandable why they pretended to like him. Olly, by contrast, is just an orphan with a sad violent backstory. " Wahhh.... My parents got killed by cannibals!" "Well, at least they died easy. My family got killed by Gregor Clegane's men!" "Oh, listen to you crybabies! My family was killed by Ramsay Bolton!" There's just nothing about Olly that explains why they think he's so special. Unless they just like having him around to bugger.

I'm still struggling with how the Dornish Secret Service knows so little about poison. Oberyn's nickname was the fucking Viper, for seven's sake! If in doubt, smash any suspicious vials that you see the Pussysnakes carrying around. It's not even like they're particularly sneaky. I guess it could just be that if your entire royal security force is just one guy with an axe,he gets a little tired after a while. Or maybe there's something in the Dornish constitution about the right to bear toxins.

Please let them solve mysteries. "Ruh roh, Ram! Rice rombies!" Wow. When Stannis gets sloppy with his grammar, you know it's over.

He's dead. Even if she felt a twinge of sympathy, I don't think that would be enough to make Brienne abandon her primary oath. Yes, primary. Catelyn made it clear that the bodyguard schtick would be excused as soon as there was a clear shot at killing Stannis. But, at least he got to die doing what he enjoyed most. Being grim and miserable. The only thing missing was maybe a chance at one last grammatical nitpick.

Even if she brings back Jon, I still hate Melisandre. I mean, let me put it this way. I love me some alliteration, and even when she said "Bolton banners burning" in what was supposed to be a serious dramatic scene, I didn't crack one smile.

Too bitter.

How the hell do the Watch not think that the Wildlings are going to massacre them now? Working from a wide open space in broad daylight, the giant alone could kill most of them by throwing snowballs!

Stannis lived and died as the poster boy for what old style RPG nerds refer to as the Lawful Neutral alignment.

Maybe next season we'll see the adventures of Ghost, Nymeria, Benjen's horse, and Ser Pounce. What about Slynt? And didn't Khal Drogo, in his final duel, rip the guy's head off? I love the Joe Bob shoutout, but I know there are more heads to count!

I don't believe Arya is blind. I believe Bran is crippled, because he was thrown out of a tower. But Arya's final scene this season had all the accountability of a peyote hallucination. I say she'll go through a deep, mystical testing ritual, and she'll get her sight back, plus a zany new power or two, and she'll learn an important lesson in the process. Maybe not the lesson that A Man claims to be trying to teach her.. but with trickster-gurus you never really know, do you?

And Myrcella is Juliet. Also, yeah, I totally agree they were going for an "Et tu" moment, but... With Olly? Really? I mean, if the final stab was from Edd, I'd be shocked. If it were from Sam, I'd be horrified. If it were from Tormund, or Ghost, or Quiet Never-Growing Baby, I'd be very confused. But that scene had all of the predictability of Shireen's burning, minus the quality.

All I know is if they don't bring Lord Muppet back next season, I'm gonna be pissed. Just when he finally learns to talk, I discover he's hilarious, and then they cast him aside like he's just a cheap plot vehicle to get Meryn and Arya into the same whorehouse. Maybe he could be Arya's next road buddy. Not as funny as The Hound, perhaps, but not as depressing, either. Or he could join Team Targaryan, and (accidentally) help to interrogate suspected Harpies by singing jolly songs of Westeros at them. I'd rather watch that than watch the Ollie, Melisandre, and Reek Show, that's for sure.

So what's the deal with FrankenMountain, exactly? Can he just not speak? That's not a very exciting change. I don't see any crazy temper flares, either. I assumed he was going to be much stronger. So.. why again was a super-strong giant warrior in full plate armor, complete with visored helmet, unable to just barge into the Aviary or whatever they call Sparrow Central, and rescue Cersei? All that buildup, and they've apparently turned him into Hodor?

So, when Sam gets to the Citadel, will they check his references? And when they do, will Thorne say that he is deserter who should be arrested immediately for execution? Gilly and Quiet Never-Growing Baby are probably better off in the south. But what the hell's Sam gonna do as a fugitive? Wash dishes for Hot Pie?

The worst part about Jon getting stabbed was the longass shot of Ollie standing in front of him, like we were actually supposed to be wondering whether or not the bitch-faced little shit was going to do it not. Gee, I don't know. He's spent an entire season glaring at everyone and looking like Francis Sawyer from "Stripes." Is he going to stab Jon? Yes? He is? Golly. What a huge surprise. At this point, the only things I want to see happening at the wall are 1. Edd deserting 2. The Wildlings killing everybody else 3. Ghost eating Ollie and peeing on Allister Thorne. And then peeing on Melisandre, too. maybe she'll melt. 4. Everybody just saying "Fuck the north, winter is coming," and moving far enough south not to have to worry about ice zombies