CletusMusashi

Old Valyria is cool. I wasn't expecting leper zombies though. Mostly I was looking for King Kong. Where is Ghost? I know I've been asking that for weeks, but at this point it's getting really distracting. Is Jon going to go on a long trip north without even wondering where the hell his enormous zombie-eating pet husky is? I think the best way to fight Stannis is to keep him busy with lots of badly written peace offers. He will be busy 24/7 correcting all of your grammatical errors and will never actually have time to fight. So Danaerys is planning a wedding, eh? Well, I'm sure that can't possibly end badly on this show. Fortunately, I think she has pretty good plot armor, and I honestly couldn't care less about Hizdar. Kill his boring ass already! The only thing that might be kind of entertaining would be seeing their Hizdar and Herzdar towels.

Anybody who thought Mike wasn't going to play the idol is far too stupid to be there.

The only thing that would have made Roidney losing out on the challenge even funnier would have been if the reward consisted of cake, ice cream, and pony rides.

I thought this was one of the better episodes of the season. Although it did take a while to find its funny-zone. All the real laughs were in the second half. Also, this is the first time this season that I've really missed Shirley.

I thought it looked like people they were targeting had the mark carved into their heads. Not Loras, because despite what Cersei and Sparrow said, rank does matter. But some of the guys caught in the brothel were getting carved. So I think it's a forcible recruitment technique. Which story is easier to tell? "One day I was minding my own business, offending the Seven Gods by committing sinful acts of sodomy, and a bunch of crazy people broke into the room and put this on my head..." or? "I have become very religious..." (because if I try to live the same life I did before, I have no idea what these loons are going to do with their knives next. And I have been meaning to go to church more...)

Much as I love having her as an excuse to give us more Jaime/ Bronn scenes, I think I might care a little bit more about Myrcella if we occasionally saw her. If next week she actually gets some screen time, then I'll worry. Until then, I wish her well and everything, but I'd actually be more concerned about the fate of an imaginary character if they were threatening Hot Pie. Or Ser Pounce. Shit, I'm even worried about Mace the Muppet, because at least I've seen him recently enough to miss!

I thought it was "Rains of Castimere." Which seemed like the last song he'd be humming. But, of the two songs that they actually have, it sounded more like ROC than like "The Maiden and the Bear." Besides, if one of them is gonna go around humming TMATB, it's gonna be Jorah.

Nature abhors a vacuum. I predict that before this series is over, every surviving redhead in Westeros will have told Jon Snow that he knows nothing. You've got to admire Ser Jorah's determination. How to do you apologize to the girl whose trust you've betrayed, and get the hell out of the Friend Zone? If words aren't enough, and flowers have already been done, and she already has a kingdom, an army, and even her own dragons... how do you let her know how important she is to you? Say it with dwarfs. So is Varys still sitting around at the Khaleesi-themed whorehouse, tapping his fingers impatiently and making sarcastic, dismissive small talk? Because I will watch that! Get rid of Sansa and Littlefinger and divvy up their time between annoyed Varys and, I don;t know, maybe Gendry still paddling around in that rowboat having a zany mini-adventure each week. I'm through trying to compare Dorne to anything realistic. it's not the Middle East. it's not Spain. It's "Xena: Warrior Princess." No wonder the Targaryans had so much trouble there.

The High Sparrow intrigues me. He does such a good job of playing a genuinely nice guy... who just happens to control a psychotically violent mob. I thought Roose was going to be this season's Tywin, but maybe the Sparrow is.

Can Loras demand trial by combat? Preferably before FrankenMountain rises?

Bronn looks to be this season's MVP.

I hope they can just turn into anyone they want, though. It opens up some great possibilities for bringing back certain actors. "A man is going to have to eat every fucking chicken in this room."

My guess is that Britta is just horrible with money. She parties expensively, has no budgeting skills, and gives lavishly to panhandlers. The bar tending job might well pay under the table. I think she'd prefer that, rather than pay taxes to The Man. But that would mean that she never has a whole month's rent at once. A normal person with a low-paying job can use their paycheck to pay rent and then eat macaroni and Ramen for two weeks. But if Britta is just getting paid with a medium-sized handful of cash every shift, it burns a hole through her pocket.

I had to take a break halfway through the episode, because one thing was seriously bothering me. Why would anybody assassinate the voodoo priestess defending The Big Book of Super Duper Magic... and then forget to steal or hide the damn book?

That makes sense. I too thought they would be dressing up in his skin... but if "becoming" somebody by doing that was so easy... then Ramsay Snow would be Mystique. Magical water? Far less of a stretch than just: "If you think hard enough about being nobody, you will just magically become a polymorph."

I agree with all of this, but I'm just not sure how to compare and Tyler. I mean, yeah, She missed the idol clue in the drink... which continues to baffle me. But Tyler actually got to see the clue... and instead of finding the damned thing himself, he arranged for Mike to get it. Carolyn at least did find one, and apparently has no intention of wasting it on Tyler. So betwen the unpleasant two of them, I am tentatively saying that Carolyn has played a better strategic and even physical game, but he's probably ahead of her on the social game. I don't think the jury dislike him as much. But of course if she ends up there against Will and Dan, social game becomes irrelevant.

I think she honestly wanted to see the idol. She's very into the "Survivor" tourist experience. Letting her touch it but not keep it was better than not letting her touch it at all. She enjoys that stuff. I also suspect that somewhere in the editing room there's footage of her asking to try on Jeff's hat.

Best: Mike. Playing a Weak Game, But Not Actually Evil: Sierra Smug and Unpleasant: Tyler and Carolyn Smug, Unpleasant, and Stupid: Rodney Smug, Unpleasant, Stupid, AND Playing a Weak Game: Dan Smug, Unpleasant, Stupid, and I Have No Idea WHAT Game He's Playing: Will So Mike is above everyone else. Tyler and Carolyn are above Rodney, but I have no idea where to put Sierra in that ranking. Dan and Will are low, but I'm not sure who is lowest.

So now that Dan has had a "just in case" vote thrown his way, he's probably going to feel a lot like Sierra did. Won't it be funny if he tries to get her to flip with him, but as usual she's just too passive to actually follow through?

Wait, Dan doesn't like flippers? I mean, I just sort of, you know... assumed that he was some kind of large marine animal...

I don't think it's the edit. I think this cast is top-heavy with bullies and demagogues. And she is not good at dealing with those people. Hint: never accuse them of "verbal assault." To them that's "victim talk." In their mind, only people who are deeply, fundamentally "weak" use victim talk. "It is bad to be weak, and evil-doers must be punished." Accuse them of being "assholes" instead. Or perhaps something even stronger. Equal-terms insults may still inspire a lot of yelling, but at least you won't be marking yourself as prey. Just like if you wave your toes in front of a kitten you're going to get claw-swiped, if you act like a designated victim in front of a bully you're going to get bullied. Sierra made the same mistake the time they threw votes at her, and she had a hell of a time digging her way back up to "beta" status. Speaking of equal-terms insults, I was kind of hoping that when Rodney was doing so well in the weight challenge, Mike would eventually make him screw up by saying "Do it for your whore mother!" That got me wondering if there was anything Shirin could say to beat Carolyn. Unfortunately, I don't think so. So then I just sat there hoping that Carolyn's bacon cheeseburger reward would suddenly reward her with a need to go racing to the bathroom! Alas, no such luck. Shirin is gone. So if two monkeys have sex in the forest, and there is nobody there to watch them, is it still funny?

So, was Dan trying to do every physically gross thing he could think of while talking to Shirin? Or does it just come naturally? Wouldn't it be fun to have a mailman who drops off your mail, says hi, scratches his balls, blows his nose on his shirt, and then comes into the house and rubs his ass all over the carpeting like a dog for ten minutes?

If Mike doesn't make it to the end, I may actually be forced to root for Sierra. Just kidding. Even Sierra isn't rooting for Sierra. I did kind of like her running on the barrels though.

Was Mike smoking a cigar during the barrel challenge?

Now I sit me down to watch. I pray a bee will sting Dan's crotch. If Will or Rodney speak a word I pray their mouth gets pooped in by a bird.