hyacinth

I was so fed up I poured myself a glass of red wine to go along with my glass of white wine.

I haven't truly liked a Bachelorette since Trista or a Bachelor since Andrew Firestone. And yet I watch every season! It must be for the snark. Yes, it's definitely for the snark. 😎

I'm trying to balance the time spent guessing this year's "winner" with figuring out exactly how much toilet paper I should be stockpiling.

A little rebellion is good for the soul.

I am also having trouble watching this season for some reason. I even changed over for a short time to watch Rob Lowe on his new 911 show. (Why don't they do an older skewed Bachelor show?) But I'll keep watching the Bachelor for the message board snark, to know who's who on BIP (Aliya must already be buying beachwear), and to see if Mr 4 Times in a Windmill might break any other sort of records for the show.

Why would anyone care about a man in a red, white and blue popsicle bathing suit?

Loved the second recap, too! Especially you kissing the styrofoam head and then casually tossing it/him aside. Also spent the last half hour perusing wig websites, inspired by your great wig!

I laughed so many times while watching the MuShu recap. First of all, you're sitting on a toilet. Which is all the respect this season deserves. I actually paused the video to go into my bathroom and decide if I could get that same shelving over my toilet. I think I can. I think I might. So many funny lines. I'd write them down, but I don't take notes. 🙂 You have great hair, by the way! Please keep up the recaps! It will make the season even better to watch.

I love the female pilots! They seem unamused, which is amusing.

I noticed that Peter would hug the women and then eye them up and down as they walked away. I remember reading a relationship columnist once who said that some men spark to a few women and some men spark to many women, and you want one of the former. I think Peter's a sparker. We shall see what unfolds.

My life is a disaster lately and I am looking forward to all three hours worth of the premiere. I will purchase a perfect wine accompaniment for the show. I think Peter has a lot of passion and isn't afraid to show it, which should make for an interesting season.

Could they start some sort of van-living blog? I worry for those two crazy kids.

I'll watch it! I spent a half day once watching people opening their try-at-home Warby Parker eyeglasses. Can't wait to see what you come up with.

Blake was doing yeoman's work trying to soothe JPJ, who was showing more emotion than I have in a Swedish lifetime. And Caelynn! Is it normal to cry so much after a short relationship? (I'm asking for a friend.) At least the derisive music and lizards are back. Do people not understand that one's entire function at a wedding is to be a cheerful and convivial guest?

Mu Shu, cheers, and welcome back! You've been missed.

JP Jones told Hannah not to tell him what to do!! My new hero. Thank you, God, for Bachelor in Paradise. Please let it be a shit storm. (Though nothing will ever compare to Daniel advising Chad to be less like Hitler and more like Mussolini.)

Finally, finally! After all these seasons, there was a family on the hometowns who were as icily skeptical as mine would have been. Though mine would have been drunk, too.

Just like Demi Lovato, I think Hannah is "tooo cute!" I think Hannah is all in, like a poker player shoving all their chips into the middle of the table. I think she's decided to go for it and have fun, and I'm all for it. I also like the clothes she or her stylist is choosing. That red dress was great. I also give Luke props for imitating the beast as he came out of the limo, which probably made Hannah warm to him immediately. Let the games begin!

I like Chris's attitude the next morning: She's just not that into you. Chris should have brought the book along and given it to Colton for a reading assignment. And now Dolton thinks he has good instincts and Cassie loves him. Is it testosterone? I've never assumed anyone loved me after they broke up with me.

This is effing hilarious. Chris H was such a GUY. Colton confesses he feels he's never enough when he loves someone and Chris helpfully suggests, "There's always Hannah and Tayshia," like they're interchangeable.

What's with Colton's cold eyes tonight? He gave no solace to Caelynn, I mean, he didn't even try.

What Cassie is wearing is what I would wear if I were planning to dump a guy and didn't want him to feel bad about it. That is one fugly outfit, including the boots that look like grandpa black socks on her pudgy legs. (Yes, we've already discussed this on the Bachelor threads for years. I'm going to Hell. And some of you are going with me.)

I really ended up enjoying Hannah B's personality and thought she brought a little fun to it all. I think she's slightly eccentric enough to make for an interesting season. I'm all in to watch. Onward to BIP and Instagram for the rest of them.

At this point, we viewers deserve the same sort of hidden cameras that caught Robert Kraft so we get to see exactly what action goes on in the fantasy suites. Bring on the best sex they've ever felt!! 😝

Colton looks wishy washy, or indecisive, or.... I know! a producer's pawn. (Tell them all you're falling in love with them. You can decide later. In the fantasy suites.)