The Ascension

Okay guys, apparently we focus on the wrong thing. Let's not worry about Khloe staying with Tristan and how that will set True up in life....we need to be worried about Khloe's post-baby body. At least according to the Kardashian media plants! Who cares if she and Tristan exemplify screwed up relationships for young True? Khloe is going to be "the hottest mom!" and that's what REALLY matters. http://people.com/health/khloe-kardashian-wants-pre-baby-body-back/ Eye.Roll.

Jeremy & Jinger were probably so self-congratulatory about their love, their high standing and godly wisdom as a married couple, and how THEY didn't make any mistakes that were discussed in the book, when they read that book.

I don't get the Potbelly picture. Her caption is "I guess this is what happens when you decide to eat at Potbelly." Uhhh, what happened? You made that funny face?

Holy shit. This dude has so many problems. I think JILL is super happy and in love, because she has no clue and no standards. I think Derrick is miserable and Jilly is too naive to realize it. Homegirl has no idea. I read an article once by a woman recounting how her husband had to help her to the bathroom after giving birth, he had to pull her underwear down for her and help her on the toilet, and she had a large bloody pad on, and to some the situation was at a surface level gross and very unsexy, and how her 20 year old self would have been mortified, but in that moment she realized it was one of the most beautiful moments of her marriage. Can you imagine Derrick and Jill in that scenario? That IG with Sammy from a few days ago..Derrick had the kid on his lap and Jill was just over the moon about it, gushing. It's pathetic. She holds him to ZERO standards because she just doesn't know. And may I present. The greatest tweet EVER. Hayley are you here??

One of my favorite Internet comments, and I don't remember where it was - TWOP or maybe ONTD. I think it was announcing Jenny's birth but it still cracks me up: "They thought of - and used - Jinger before they got to Jennifer???"

Yay! Girl names are so much more fun to me than boy names. Can't wait to hear what they name her. Also, glad it's them getting the first girl of the Duggar sisters. Although I think Ben would be sweet with a daughter.

I just want to confess to the thread: I have Kim's Crystal Gardenia perfume, and I really enjoy it. Whenever I wear it, I get asked what perfume I have on and it's quite embarrassing to say "Kim Kardashian..." Sometimes I just pretend I don't know. That Myspace picture of Kim on the roller skates with the chunky gold necklace! I wish they'd do a Man on the Street type interview and ask people who that woman in the picture is. You show people that picture and most wouldn't guess it was Kim. Especially teens, who definitely know Kim now but missed when she first hit the scene in 06 or whatever it was.

This show has the weirdest timing. Start with actual weddings, then follow up with that wedding planning for weeks on end. Then, Joy announces her pregnancy one week and give birth the next. Did I miss the Joe/Ken announcement? I was tuning in and out. Joy did not look well after delivery. I hope she got Chipotle, double the steak. Or something like it.

That book cover is awful. What is with the poses? So awkward.

Right, I get that (I will never forget Kevin Jonas and his wife sponsoring their labor and birth announcement with Dreft lmao) I am just baffled that the conglomerate Amazon would go to the trashy K's.

Khloe had a sponsored baby shower. Seriously Amazon? They can fuck right off. Any person in this family can more than afford to throw a lavish baby shower. What does Amazon want to hook up with the trashy K clan for? Makes me so mad. Sponsor someone who DESERVES a free shower,, like military wives. Not these spoiled, self-important brats. http://people.com/babies/khloe-kardashian-baby-shower-photos/

Let me write it out because I am confused. Penelope, North, Chicago, Dream, Stormi make 5. (O-M-G seeing all those names in a row is hilarious) Then Khloe's new bundle of content. Reign, Mason, Saint on the boy side total 3. Kanye makes #4.

I was genuinely shocked to see Khloe is having a girl. People Magazine has been reporting for months it was a boy - ha, ha - http://people.com/babies/khloe-kardashian-tristan-thompson-expecting-son/ Watching this episode (and tbh, the last like 5 seasons), I can't believe how much I used to like Kourtney. Fame has gone to all of their heads, but for me it's just so jarring with her.

These girls really know how to pick them! http://people.com/tv/blake-griffin-ex-fiancee-kendall-jenner-palimony-lawsuit/

These little kids sitting on the carpet and getting a freaking POWERPOINT presented to them is way, way, too much. I can't stop laughing. Maybe Derick is secretly a WWE fan and is stealing Drew Gulak's gimmick.

Ughhhhhhh. Derick's tweets about the Super Bowl then him retweeting Donald Trump Jr who is crowing "it's that easy! well done" about the lack of kneeling. Such ignorant morons.

Was so sad to read the Bobby news. I always liked Jill. She is a ridiculous person, but I like her. She really loved Bobby. Watching your most loved one go through such a battle and being the support is so one incredibly difficult battle, and then comes the grieving and coming to grasp the "new normal." All the best to her, Ally and their family and friends during this time. Man, how sad.

I hope they have a girl first, mostly because I want to see how Jeremy would play it publicly. I remember being irate when Derrick said during the Israel pregnancy that they were happy to have a boy first to be the leader of the siblings or something. I'm assuming Jeremy might feel similar about not wanting a girl first.

Yikes! I think J. Lo's angle is also not great. I just declared, after doing my makeup for tonight, that 2018 is the year I give up my contour attempts (seriously I will never grasp it no matter how much I try. I just look like I have dirty patches no matter how much I blend) and will focus more on highlighting to take focus away from areas I'd typically attempt at contour. But yeah....not gonna go overboard at the highlight like the Kardashians. On a semi-related note, don't try the KKW x Kylie lip kits. Maybe it's because my lips are already kind of naturally the pale pink the kits come in, but that shit literally lasted like 30 minutes before it was gone entirely. What a freaking joke, I'm so mad. Kylie matte lip kits though...stays for hours and hours. And to make sure I'm on topic, E's scrolling news bar thing tells me Khloe's 2017 wrap-up included pregnancy photos. To quote Meryl Streep in my fave movie Devil Wears Prada: "Groundbreaking."

Her Instagram announcement was embarrassing. So! many! exclamation! points! to! drive! home! the! love! Okay Khloe. Eyeroll. We all totally believe it, you and this dude 7-8 years younger (born in 91! damn) than you whose first kid just turned one like a week ago. What an epic love, what a guy. I know I've said this before here, but it is SO funny to me that the last big card Khloe could play was "I'm finally becoming a mom" and now that she's finally cashed it in, no one really cares, people are more interested in Kylie's pregnancy and absence. And yes, Kim was probably actually happy she had to deliver North early, over a month before Prince George was born.

Ugh. Nattie and Lana are my least two favorites, so an episode centered around them was miserable. Seriously. What a miserable experience that episode was...and in such a gorgeous setting! I want more of Alexa, Carmella and Nia but nooo. We have to get insecure Nattie and drama queen Lana. Nattie is like weirdly obsessed with Lana. Lana is Lana and I'm sure glad I don't know her or work with her, but Nattie is just so odd about her. I think Nattie just felt (at the time, I know how SummerSlam ends!) insecure about her place in the womens division and is just unhappy in general. BRIE! Brie Mode was so fun. Birdie is the cutest baby.

Brielle gave Ariana good advice, but it was also just really sad to hear her talk like that, about how she's not good at anything and has no idea what to do with her life. That is of course totally fine at 20! I had no idea either when I was 20, and I was one of those college students Brielle talked about. I changed my major a bunch until I found what I was good at - and even better! - what I liked doing. The difference though between a me and Brielle? I had really good guidance from motivated and ambitious friends, hard-working and smart parents and other family members, professors who knew what buttons to press. I went to EVERYONE for help and guidance. Brielle doesn't have people like that. Kim has been (and will be for Kaia) such a terrible role model for these girls.

Whattt? http://people.com/tv/kailyn-lowry-reveals-she-has-girlfriend/

Aren't they at least losing Derrick's income from the show? I assumed Derrick and Jill both got $ for appearing, and now they just lost Derick's haul. Good for TLC. I'm impressed, but not that impressed considering this damn family should have been yanked off the air two years ago anyway..

What exactly would people be paying for? So that this grown ass man can sit on Twitter and harass a teenage girl unprovoked? Something is definitely fishy with that one donation. The amount is so random.