Oldernowiser

Dear God please don’t let JRod bring another deadeyed starveling into this world.

I see potential problems with this scenario. First, lamb is greasy, so slippery. I guess you could leave it in the package, but since it’s frozen, also slippery. Pretty much a meat icicle. Second, if it’s frozen enough to use as a weapon, it would be impossible to cook it enough to throw off the police in less than six to eight hours. So that’s a long time to not call 911 about a stair injury...and you can’t exactly say you weren’t home with a leg of lamb in the oven. I’m going to say whoever wrote that story doesn’t cook. I am so bored. Does it show? 😬

Hey, thinking is free. Now if you have a specific person in mind and have been experimenting with sculpting handles out of the blunt end of icicles? Interesting...🤔

After a comprehensive (five whole minutes) Google search, while many people are killed by falling ice, I can’t find anything substantive where someone used an icicle as a murder weapon. I am going to say urban legend.

I think the only realistic scenario is somehow convincing the intended victim to stand still under the icicle while simultaneously crawling unseen on the roof behind them with a hair dryer and a very long extension cord. So, no....

I swear you and I must be related. I read that about the icicles and immediately tried to figure out how they could be used as a murder weapon...my conclusion? Too slippery.

@ChiCricket, generally I’m more of a shin kicker (less risk of falling over), so if you guys have the crotch kicks covered, I’ll follow up with that, okay? Some days I think we have all lost our minds. Yesterday Mr. Wiser just would NOT LET SOMETHING GO...packing up some stuff to send to his daughter...and even though he said there wasn’t any hurry, he also just kept harping on it. I finally stomped over to the garage, sorted it, threw it all in bags that can be handed over to UPS to pack, as we had agreed...stomped back in, announced through clenched teeth that it was ready to go...at which point he said he probably wouldn’t be getting around to it for a couple of weeks. WTF????? You have my complete sympathy.

@Absolom, my sister and BIL had their second shots yesterday. They were a little tired and headachey, a few chills, but they felt well enough today to head off on a long-delayed road trip to Florida. I hope it goes just as well for you!

Oh, Chi. I’m sorry. At some point, you gotta throw up your hands and let him act like an adult and run his own life, no matter how shitty a job he’ll do. No more appointments. He wants a vaccine, let him figure out how to get it. He knows how to use a phone. Can you change that appointment to get the vaccine yourself?

Folding arms. Glaring slightly. Tapping one foot rapidly. Hey, Dr. Doodle? You know how much we value your knowledge on all things medical. But you’ve been holding out on us all this time on adorable dog duo photos??? And one is a puppy???

@Mindthinkr, good for you on holding your ground with the Emperor! That’s big progress. Yes, yes and hell yes your daughter needs a better lawyer. The older son is almost an adult but a special needs younger child trumps over any damned prenup. Any good lawyer would point out that child will need your daughter’s care for a long time and Daddy has legal obligations to do just that. She couldn’t have foreseen these circumstances when signing a prenup and that should negate it, especially if she’s in a community property state. Or even if she’s not. Have her start googling. She can also call Women’s Support centers in her area for recommendations. Her lawyer is useless. Group hug?

@Mindthinkr, you’re a sweetheart. The well...Hideous Neighbor actually called the county twice while we were getting it drilled. He claimed it was ten feet too close to the property line (keep in mind we have three acre lots and his idea of where the property line is is fictional). County said, “hey, variance, no problem.” Hideous Neighbor said no. So we got to start over, because there was no time to get the line surveyed. That was about $5000. Then while we were still finishing it he showed up at the front door, ignoring the “Don’t enter the fenced yard without calling or texting please” sign, with an envelope of invoices for the tiny little electrical bill the shared well had generated for that year. He wanted half. I finally lost my mind, told him to get out and stay out. The good news is that he now seems to be afraid of me. The bad news is he finds new ways to reach us despite blocking him repeatedly. The last time he wanted us to pay for part of a $2500 road repair bill for a road we don’t use. Nope. He apparently hit up multiple neighbors, who all noped him. He then listed his property... for $975,000. That’s some World Class Assholery. We keep talking about getting a lawyer and going after him, because he’s encroached on the lot, he’s running a business out of his house with large noisy trucks (against the covenants), and he’s in violation of several other covenants (two-lot subdivision, so it’s not like we can complain to the HOA). But we’re not fighters. We just want peace in our home, not war. We just want to leave. Anyway. Blech. Enough of that. How are you doing with your own Asshole Neighbor? And how is your poor daughter holding up? @doodlebug, dunno where I’ve been, as I had no clue you had a dog, let alone such a cutie. He looks like something out of a movie!

If I have learned anything about myself in the past endless 14 months, it is that I am REALLY REALLY not a patient person. And I already knew that. I am waiting for some indication as to when I might be eligible for a vaccine. From what I can tell from Kaiser’s website, I’m not eligible in any phase they currently have listed. I have zero to complain about, because I really don’t HAVE to go anywhere and Mr. Wiser gets his vaccines next month because he’s older than I am. But it would be nice to have some clue? June? July? I am also waiting for the housing market to calm down. I won’t bore you with all the stupid details, but when we moved here, we bought a lot that our hideous neighbor was very accustomed to treating as his property. In the three years we’ve lived here he’s cost us about $50k in various remedies for his revenge tactics (including a new well, because we were supposed to share one and he kept turning the pressure down so that every night starting at 6 pm we had no water) plus a bunch of other stuff. I finally threw him off our property and that isn’t exactly my style. This was our little dream house...I designed it and we finished much of it ourselves to save money. And because of his ongoing harassment (it’s usually things like claiming we have to help pay to fix the road he’s been tearing up for twenty years that we don’t use), we’re looking to move. Ha. We have to stay in this county for health insurance reasons and the housing market has gone insane...as in 35% higher than May. We’ve tried to buy two different houses...the last one they had eight offers on in addition to ours and it sold in five days. And there is almost zero inventory, not even lots to build on. And at this point we couldn’t afford it...lumber prices have gone through the roof. I look at everything other people are dealing with and I feel and sound like a total asshole. But it’s hard to have be at home all of the time and have to deal with the crap from the guy down the hill. We also can’t walk our dogs here because our other neighbors just let their aggressive dogs run, and I am too old to to be in middle of a four-way dog fight. So we have to drive them out of here just to go for a walk. And while I’m whining...Horrible Neighbor has his house on the market, has since August. Hooray, right? Nope. He refuses to list it, he’s selling it himself, and it’s $200,000 overpriced, easily. It’s literally the only house in the whole damned county that isn’t selling. The irony...it burns... I’m sorry for the snivelfest. I won’t do it again. At least not right away 🙄

I could cheerfully live out the rest of my days without ever again hearing “gender reveal” in any context. One of the many reasons I adore my nephew is that he and his wife not only refused to have that party, they deliberately didn’t learn the babies were boys until delivery. Impressed me no end, especially as all their friends were trend-slaves on this issue.

I think they’re Bowflex from a while back. So yes, more like $350. Plus tax. Such a bargain!

Ha. You win the Internet today!

If JB and/or Jessa was able to get a VSE episode out of it, yes, I believe they’d fake something. More likely it was one of those week-late periods they do go on about.

Okay, Wise Women...does anyone know of an e-card site that isn’t too sappy, crude, or Jesusy? My sister turns 60 next month and I have had her suitably rude card for months (“Happy Birthday to a wonderful sister. Keep that shit up.” Heartwarming, no?) I even ordered her a “60” tiara. Then I realized she’s going to be in Florida all next month and I have no address there. So e-card it will have to be, but it’s hard to find anything I’ve liked. Suggestions?

Correct. Girls do all of the work. Boys do all of the thinking. Sounds like a swell plan, no? 🙄

Even Superwoman is going to wear down juggling everything you do AND dragging 100# bags of Ice Melt around. You deserve a nice warm, long nap!

These chucklefucks desperately need to find another hobby. Or, far better, an actual livelihood. It’s bordering on ludicrous and tragic that the Duggars believe this shtick will keep them on TLC for the rest of their lives.

Oh, that reminds me... @Scarlett45, if you do change out Cosmo’s food, it’s best to do it over the course of at least 4 days (a week is even better), slowly reducing the amount of the old food and increasing the new. Sudden dietary changes can do a number on their digestive tracts and hustling him out in the snow every ten minutes while he works through a case of the runs would be zero fun. Negative fun, actually.

I feel terrible for everyone who’s dealing with all of this weather nightmare and having their medical stuff postponed. I can’t imagine how those poor people in Texas are going to get by...I was living in Michigan in an older house during a three-day outage one February after a monster ice storm and by the time it was over, it was 39 degrees in my bedroom. We were incredibly fortunate not to have any pipes freeze up. Now we have a backup generator but it’s mostly because we’re on a well. I wish I could loan everyone a winter coat! I still have most of my Maine Winter Collection! @Scarlett45, you’re right about grain-free not being good for dogs. They’re omnivores while cats are obligate carnivores. During the great “feed your dog raw and grainfree” hype era they discovered that causes cardiomyopathy in dogs. Yikes. I feed Griffey Fromm Gold, which the breeder recommended and he’s always done well on. Nervous Dog, who is 12 and, well, nervous, is now on Royal Canin Digestive something or other. They both get lots of vegetable and fruit scraps because we eat lots of both and it’s good for them, too. You might see if Cosmo enjoys cooked green beans or carrots...we used to recommend those for dieting dogs. I suspect he’s getting much more exercise now that he’s living with you, so it wouldn’t surprise me if he loses weight just from that. He’s one fortunate canine! Hugs all around...sending warming thoughts to the south!

If that’s what I think it is, that weight set costs about $600. Where is the money coming from???

Okay, so I know nothing about Pearl Jam, despite having actually lived in Seattle during the 90s, so I looked them up. I’m going to say RFP has never bothered to do the same, as the band was very active in the liberal political movement, especially pro-choice and environmental causes. Going out on a limb here and predicting none of that is exactly MacArthur-approved doctrine...