S23.E05: Week 5 - Thailand

[Mu Shu]

Hannah big tooth is an awkward weirdo.  But I like her.  

Shit, she had to forfeit the goodwill she just earned by telling Colton she is in love with his dull ass. 

[saber5055]

9 minutes ago, Mabinogia said:

They should just merge Survivor and Bachelor. One man, 25 women all in the jungle together doing challenges and going on dates. The girls vote for two candidates to go home, they both get to plead their case to the Bachelor and then he sends one home. 

Oh, man, I would TOTALLY watch that show. Let me know when you pitch it to the networks.

Question: So why didn't Elyse tell Colton herself about Nicole not being there for "the right reasons."

Second question: Who the heck is Nicole?

[JenE4]

Is this a secondhand Wrong Reasons accusation? 

[nutty1]

This is so boring tonight. I hope Cassie’s date is better. 

[Mu Shu]

Blah.  I creeped Nicole’s Instagram.  It looks like she’s from Coral Gables, which is nice.  If she wants out of Miami, just move to Ft Lauderdale?  

Off topic, but she does a lot of food posts and is a good photographer. 

[Mabinogia]

Ok, yeah, the dresses tonight are HORRIBLE!!!! Is Demi dressed as a Flintstone? Is she old enough to know she's dressed like a Flintstone?

[saber5055]

I would have given the rose to Nicole and walked that tattle-tale girl out to the waiting taxi.

[Mabinogia]

I would have booted them both. Neither are an actual contender. 

[Madding crowd]

So Elyse thought Colton would just end the show tonight and run off with her? And then saying she can’t accept his proposal- he never said she was getting one. Does she not know how this works? She is beautiful but seems to be really confused as to how The Bachelor works.

[JenE4]

Oneyka is the real troublemaker in the house. Tayesha is a good person. Oh, Oneyka—with giant martini in hand—is admitting she just doesn’t like Nicole. But at least Nicole got her first speaking line on television, so there’s that.

[Ms Blue Jay]

34 minutes ago, Mabinogia said:

They should just merge Survivor and Bachelor. One man, 25 women all in the jungle together doing challenges and going on dates. The girls vote for two candidates to go home, they both get to plead their case to the Bachelor and then he sends one home. 

Honestly, I think that's what's Temptation Island is, and I fucking love it.

Why would anyone want to leave Miami?  LOL.

I like Tayshia now even more than before.  

Edited February 5, 2019 by Ms Blue Jay

[Mu Shu]

Dating in Miami is awful, but Nicole should be able to find someone.  It looks like she went to UM, so she’s got some stuff.

[GracieK]

Onyeka is a douchebag

[saber5055]

Cassie gets double points for being small and tiny and NOT GREETING COLTON WITH THE BACHELOR HANDSHAKE!

OMG, I couldn't believe my eyes!

Oh, that date is on a sandbar in the middle of the ocean? No shade? No water? No nothing? No thank you.

Edited February 5, 2019 by saber5055

[JenE4]

Oh, no. I hope the tide doesn’t roll in! This seems more like a sandbar than an island.

[Mabinogia]

4 minutes ago, saber5055 said:

Cassie gets double points for being small and tiny and NOT GREETING COLTON WITH THE BACHELOR HANDSHAKE!

She clearly doesn't know how this show works. LOL 

Is not dry humping a guy the moment you see him the Bachelor equivalent of playing hard to get? 

Nothing more romantic than being on a "deserted" island with about half a dozen cameramen  and PAs all up in your business.

Edited February 5, 2019 by Mabinogia

[Ms Blue Jay]

16 minutes ago, saber5055 said:

Cassie gets double points for being small and tiny and NOT GREETING COLTON WITH THE BACHELOR HANDSHAKE!

OMG, I couldn't believe my eyes!

I SAID THE SAME THING TO MY FRIEND AS WE WERE WATCHING. HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA

[JenE4]

1 minute ago, Mabinogia said:

She clearly doesn't know how this show works. LOL 

Is not dry humping a guy the moment you see him the Bachelor equivalent of playing hard to get? 

She made up for it by, um, “wet humping” in the ocean. I was getting uncomfortable memories of Ben Flapjack and Courtney having sex in the ocean. I feel like Colton is kissing all of these girls because he’s supposed to but with Cassie, whoa, um, we can stop calling him the “virgin Bachelor” any moment now. Cassie was my favorite since her opening clip episode 1, and she’s still top of the list!

[saber5055]

Cassie isn't a virgin so that will be a hard thing to talk about. What? Do people discuss this on first dates now all the time? In all my years of dating, and I dated a lot, that subject NEVER came up. Not even once.

[Mu Shu]

What the fuck, this virgin talk.  Didn’t we determine sex was ok back in the nineties?

[saber5055]

1 minute ago, JenE4 said:

I was getting uncomfortable memories of Ben Flapjack and Courtney having sex in the ocean.

Oh, so was I. Especially with the film editors showing us the clothes piles on the beach, like Flapjack and Courtney skinny dipping for ocean sex. And yeah, I'm thinking Colton isn't "technically" a virgin. *cough*

Hey, how'd they get from the ocean sandbar to Colton's bed? Did I miss something during my channel flipping?

[JenE4]

1 minute ago, saber5055 said:

Cassie isn't a virgin so that will be a hard thing to talk about. What? Do people discuss this on first dates now all the time? In all my years of dating, and I dated a lot, that subject NEVER came up. Not even once.

Yeah, why is she making a formal proclamation to her extended family and community via the show? Say what?!? Attention, citizens of New Jersey: I am not a virgin. Well, my three children may have given that away. I’m picturing a notary coming in and stamping Cassie’s paperwork to file with the town registrar.

[EllenB]

5 minutes ago, Mu Shu said:

What the fuck, this virgin talk.  Didn’t we determine sex was ok back in the nineties?

The sixties.  And based on my grandparents' lives, the early teens of the 20th century were pretty damn frisky, too.

Edited February 5, 2019 by EllenB

[saber5055]

2 minutes ago, JenE4 said:

I am not a virgin. Well, my three children may have given that away.

BWAH HA HA HA HA ha! Well, there IS that immaculate thing you know.

[Mu Shu]

1 minute ago, EllenB said:

The sixties.  And based on my grandmother's life, the early teens of the 20th century were pretty damn frisky, too.

I mean, I get the straight edge movement which is based in logic, avoiding pregnancy, STDs and abusive relationships, but these doofuses act like they are avoiding it/ hoping their family members don’t know they have sex because of shame.  I feel like I’m watching the Duggar people.

[GracieK]

I hate when they edit these dates into nothing but stupid platitudes like “you’re special... no you’re special” “I feel like I’ve known you forever... omg me too”.  I honestly have no idea what is making them feel so drawn to each other, besides physical attraction. But the lead has a host of beautiful people to choose from. So why THIS person.  But it’s always the same.. no idea why I torture myself with this nonsense.

[saber5055]

Oh gosh, Kirpa just spoke! I guess that means she's going home.

[nutty1]

I won’t be happy until I know why Kirpa has a bandaid on her chin  

[saber5055]

Still no explanation about the chin bandage? It's a big thick honker too.

ETA: Nutty and I posted the same thing at the same time. You owe me a Coke!

Edited February 5, 2019 by saber5055

[nutty1]

The chemistry between Cassie and Colton is way off the charts compared to all the others. Sort of reminds me of Ashley and JP. 

[GracieK]

That bandaid is unfortunate because I don’t think anyone watching can think of anything other than shaving accident. 

[EllenB]

Maybe she stuck her fingers in the wrong person's mouth and they decked her?

[Mabinogia]

9 minutes ago, JenE4 said:

Yeah, why is she making a formal proclamation to her extended family and community via the show? Say what?!?

Especially since she basically said that she was going to have some tough conversations when she got home. Sweetie, you wouldn't if you hadn't just announced you are not a virgin on national television. Seriously, who has ever had to say "btw, I'm not a virgin". 

Ok, this Nicole chick is a cry baby. Dump her, dump them both. 

You know it's a great episode when all most of us want to know is why one chick has a bandaid on her chin. 

[saber5055]

The multiple eye rolls are not a good look when someone is talking to you, Onyeka.

[Mabinogia]

When will these idiots ever know that they guy does not give two shits about your girl drama so stop trying to throw each other under the bus and focus on the guy you are trying to win. 

[Mu Shu]

I want to know about Kira’s chin, not Nicole’s insecurity and Oneya’s eyebrows.

[Ms Blue Jay]

Bandaid theories

1.  Pimple

2.  She knocked herself in the chin with her own suitcase, or someone else did

3.  She removed a mole

[JD5166]

I am surprised Demi didn’t give him a diffeeent kind of ring! I am sure y’all know what I am talking about! 

I love how they’re trying to make it look like Colton might be into someone - ANYONE other than Cassie, not buying it. 

[saber5055]

2 minutes ago, Ms Blue Jay said:

Bandaid theories

1.  Pimple

2.  She knocked herself in the chin with her own suitcase, or someone else did

3.  She removed a mole

4. Tattoo she got in Singapore?

[Ms Blue Jay]

Colton likes Cassie and Hannah (baby looking one) the most.  Mayyyyyyyyyyyybe he likes Caelynn and Other Hannah and Tayshia kinda too.  The rest are just fodder.  He's too nervous around Kissing Virgin to let loose, which I think is really sweet.  

Edited February 5, 2019 by Ms Blue Jay

[saber5055]

8 minutes ago, Mabinogia said:

When will these idiots ever know that they guy does not give two shits about your girl drama so stop trying to throw each other under the bus and focus on the guy you are trying to win. 

When will these idiots ever know that the viewers do not give two shits about your girl drama.

LOL, Colton hearing all the girl drama, all slack jawed. I hope he sends them both home now. They are both such dumbasses I can barely stand it and I'm not even there.

Edited February 5, 2019 by saber5055

[Mabinogia]

Just now, saber5055 said:

When will these idiots ever know that the viewers do not give two shits about your girl drama.

Meanwhile, what we really care about is not being addressed at all. WHAT IS WITH THE BANDAID!?!??!??!?!

Maybe she tried to shoot herself in the chin in an attempt to get away from all the bickering? 

[SallyAlbright]

Demi has been hilarious tonight. More of this, please.

[saber5055]

2 minutes ago, Mabinogia said:

Meanwhile, what we really care about is not being addressed at all. WHAT IS WITH THE BANDAID!?!??!??!?!

A big HELL YES to this.

I thought for a minute this is when Colton jumps the privacy fence.

Edited February 5, 2019 by saber5055

[EllenB]

Looks like some women packed too much DRAMA- mine for their travels! 😀

Okay, that's all I've got.

[Ms Blue Jay]

1 hour ago, Mabinogia said:

Meanwhile, what we really care about is not being addressed at all. WHAT IS WITH THE BANDAID!?!??!??!?!

Maybe she tried to shoot herself in the chin in an attempt to get away from all the bickering? 

LOL.  #BandaidGate 

1 hour ago, EllenB said:

Looks like some women packed too much DRAMA- mine for their travels! 😀

Okay, that's all I've got.

Looks like these women have too much BAGGAGE..... for the trip

Edited February 5, 2019 by Ms Blue Jay

[Mabinogia]

wow, that end convo about whacking her weeds was AWKWARD

[saber5055]

Oh no, she wants "to do a cheers." Ugh. Gross. Send her home, whoever that was at the end.

Previews promise lots of snot snuffling next week. Ugh. Gross.

[Ms Blue Jay]

14 minutes ago, saber5055 said:

I thought for a minute this is when Colton jumps the privacy fence.

I WAS SO FREAKING EXCITED AND IT DIDN'T COME LOL

[Mabinogia]

1 minute ago, saber5055 said:

Oh no, she wants "to do a cheers." Ugh. Gross. Send her home, whoever that was at the end.

One season I want the Bachelor to be an English Professor. And I want him to cut anyone who uses improper grammar. It would be the shortest season ever. Probably one ep, max.