The Game Of Thrones Corrupt A Wish Game

[CletusMusashi]

Person A makes a wish.
Person B, defined as the first other person to answer, grants the wish, in a terrible way.
Then they make their own wish.
Then, anyone else (you cannot "grant" your own wish,) continues the cycle by corrupting that wish and making a new one.

Once in a while, you get such an oddball wish that simply writing anything about it qualifies. Those tend to be the funniest ones, actually.  But, at least to start out, the core template of the game is corrupt and wish, corrupt and wish, corrupt and wish, ad infinitum.

Example. Let's say I open with:

"I wish Shae had never gone to King's Landing." 

You might see something like this:

 

"I wish Shae had never gone to King's Landing.

Wish granted!
But without her, Tyrion gets so horny that he ends up impregnating a drunken Cersei, who gives birth to octo-Joffries!
I wish Jaime had gotten a cool pirate hook instead of a golden hand." 

 

"I wish Jaime had gotten a cool pirate hook instead of a golden hand.

Wish granted!
Jaime is given a hook for a hand, sent back to Casterly Rock, and appointed Master of Guestcoats.
I wish..."

 

well, I've got to save some for the actual game, right?

Okay, here we go for real:

I wish that Ser Davos' financial plan had been something more exciting than a loan application.

Edited May 28, 2014 by CletusMusashi

[Meredith Quill]

 

I wish that Ser Davos' financial plan had been something more exciting than a loan application.

Wish Granted!

Davos decided to gamble all Stannis' dwindling gold dragons on a 10,000 to 1 shot in the annual dwarf jousting tournament and to his joy, won, owing to his rider turning up riding a direwolf, who then ate all the other combatants.

I wish that Robb Stark had never met/married Talisa grr!

[ebevan91]

Wish Granted!

Davos decided to gamble all Stannis' dwindling gold dragons on a 10,000 to 1 shot in the annual dwarf jousting tournament and to his joy, won, owing to his rider turning up riding a direwolf, who then ate all the other combatants.

I wish that Robb Stark had never met/married Talisa grr!

 

Wish granted!

He marries some other hot nurse instead and still dies anyways!

 

I wish that Renly wasn't such a power hungry fool.

Edited May 28, 2014 by ebevan91

[Holmbo]

 

I wish that Renly wasn't such a power hungry fool.

Wish granted!

He joins with Stannis instead of declaring himself king. After Stannis looses battle after battle he finally gives in to Melisandre's suggestion to burn Renly as a kings blood sacrifice to the lord of light.

It's hard comming up with a wish. I kinda want to wish that everyone who where supposed to go to the wall actually ended up there. But that wish is to easy to turn around into: The wight walkers kill them all.

I wish that Sansa would make Littlefinger fly

Edited May 28, 2014 by Holmbo

[EricJ]

I wish that Sansa would make Littlefinger fly

 

 

Wish Granted!

 

Sansa decides that Westeros' biggest pimp should dress like Westeros' biggest pimp. Now he's decked out in super-wide-brim hats, six-inch platform boots, fur coats and a cane topped with a diamond the size of his fist. Everybody thinks he's totally fly.

 

I wish Arya was reunited with Nymeria.

Edited May 29, 2014 by EricJ

[BlackberryJam]

Wish granted!

 

Arya comes upon Nymeria in the woods.  Unfortunately, Nymeria is still pissed at her for that whole rock throwing incident and bites off her sword hand, ruining her chances of exacting revenge on her enemies.

 

I wish Roose Bolton would get a sex scene.

[dr pepper]

Wish granted.

 

Roose Bolton goes into a special room where he keeps all the skin from the victims he's flayed over the years. It comes to life and begins writhing. He dives in.

 

I wish Shae had left on that ship.

Edited May 29, 2014 by dr pepper

[Constantinople]

Wish granted

 

Skinemax, HBO's sluttier sister, airs a spin-off called Game of Love (Boat) with Shae as Julie, your cruise director.

 

I wish Tommen was secretly behind poisoning Joffrey.

[dr pepper]

Wish Granted.

 

Tommen: It worked! It worked! Mean old Joffrey is dead, just like you said he would be! And they're blaming silly Uncle Tyr!

 

Ser Pounce (with bright yellow glowing eyes): EXCELLENT. Now what do you think of granpa Lannister bossing you around, hmm?

 

 

I wish Tywin were Jon Snow's real father.

[BlackberryJam]

Wish Granted!

 

Lyanna Stark had a hot May/December fling with Tywin Lannister that involved a lot of bondage sex and spanking.  She was using Rhaegar as cover for the affair.   She loved Tywin, but he thought she was just a dirty whore and would have thrown the baby into the sea if he'd known.  Ned Stark secreted the child away to protect him.  When Tywin finds out about Jon, he seeks him out at the Wall only to realize he's a beta-male and unworthy of Casterly Rock.  He's still stuck with Tyrion or Jaime.

 

I wish Khal Drogo hadn't died.

[dr pepper]

Wish Granted!

 

No death, no funeral pyre, no dragons. He reaches his destiny and becomes the Genghis Khan of the Drothraki Sea. His united tribes extort a fleet from the slaver cities and cross the Narrow Sea. The sheep people shaman delivers a blistering denunciation of Drogo, Danerys, and all the drothraki people for their many atrocities, ending with a curse: fire awaits you, before and behind! Then she throws herself overboard.

 

Their landing, like that of Stannis, is broken up by catapult loads of greek fire. But Drogo is unable to rally the superstitious, and seasick warriors. The presence of horses increases the chaos 100 fold. One of Drogo own companions slits his throat as an offering to the gods of the west, and calls for a retreat. They keep Dany alive to be sacrificed back home. But there is no back home. The Undying wizards raised a firestorm that took out the grasslands. Afterward a coalition of armies from all the powers of Essos hit the Drothaki with a series of brutal raids. The only remains of the scourge of the continent, are young children, going 5 coppers a dozen at the slave market. Dany manages to achieve a quick death because everyone is too angry to rape and torture her.

 

The Game of Thrones resumes, with the regular players.

 

I wish that Hodor would be healed.

Edited May 30, 2014 by dr pepper

[BlackberryJam]

Oh fine!  No one else loves Hodor enough to heal him.

 

Wish granted!

During one of Bran's warging experiences, he heals Hodor.  Hodor, now mentally competent, realizes he's been used as an assassin by Bran.  Unable to turn on Bran, but unable to live with being a murderer, he slits his wrists and hangs himself from that creepy face tree.  As he's at heart, an innocent, his blood allows the being trapped in the tree to reach human form, but it's still only able to commincate through Bran and Jojen.  Tree becomes the new walking wheelchair.  The Game continues.

 

I wish Catelyn Stark hadn't believed Baelish about Tyrion being the owner of the dagger the assassin used to try and kill Bran.

[dr pepper]

i'm going to hold off on this one for at least 2 days. Let someone else have a turn.

[TooMuchCoffee]

 I'm not routinely clever enough for this thread. Don't hesitate on my account. 

[dr pepper]

There are 6 other players already, plus someone else might join us.

[CletusMusashi]

I wish Catelyn Stark hadn't believed Baelish about Tyrion being the owner of the dagger the assassin used to try and kill Bran.

 

She doesn't. Being Catelyn, she tells him so, flat out.

Being Littlefinger, he immediately pulls the string that activates some kind of a Rube Goldberg device that drops a tiny anvil on her head and knocks her out.

Littlefinger ties Catelyn up and carries her away to the Eyrie. Lysa immdiately flips out and makes Catelyn fly.

Littelfinger makes Lysa fly, but it's too late. Cat go splat. The Cat is flat.

Ned Stark drops everything and devotes the rest of his short life to a suicidal attack on the Eyrie.

 

Meanwhile, King Joffrey Baratheon continues to rule unopposed.

 

I wish that, instead of confronting his enemies openly and in broad daylight, Ned Stark had tried spending his nights as a caped, masked vigilante.

[Consternation]

Wish granted!

 

Ned swings on grappling hooks from the towers of the Red Keep under the cloak of night, seeking secretive justice.  Like a ninja in the night, he leaves clues exposing Cersei, Jaime, and their children for the frauds they are.  While swinging past the signpost of a shop in Kings Landing, he misjudges a sign post and beheads himself upon it.  Since he is masked, his identity is never discovered and he is made into stew, leaving his family and the realm to always wonder.

 

I wish the White Walkers were actually the good guys.

 

 

 

[Maximum Taco]

I wish the White Walkers were actually the good guys.

 

Granted. The Walkers know that the poor pink southron people cannot hope to survive the coming 1000 year winter and they must act. It is their moral obligation to save them. And if they can improve upon their broken back-stabbing society why should they not do that too?

 

The walkers and wights swarm over the wall in numbers too great to handle. As the Night's Watch is slaughtered, and subsequently resurrected, young Jon Snow realizes that life as a wight is pretty frickin' sweet. He is no longer bothered by the cold, his stomach has been left in the snow behind him, so he will never be hungry again and he has stopped aging entirely. Sure he looks a little gross as a corpse, but so does everyone else! And beauty is all subjective anyway. Jon Snow is given command of his own wight army and the legions march South. As they march the snow falls softly. 

 

The Starks are reunited, as everyone had always wished. Wolf-headed Robb absentmindly strokes behind the ears of a Robb-headed Grey-Wind, corpse Sansa is delighted to finally be reunited with Lady, and Arya stabs at everything with warm blood with an ice-cold Needle. Bran smiles coldly from his perch upon an armless Hodor, as he watches Nymeria, Summer and Shaggydog fight over Hodor's arm bones. Rickon, still young enough to be "turned" stands behind his beloved siblings with ice white skin and eyes like blue stars, blissfully holding the hands of a Headless Ned and Throat-slit Cat.

 

As the walkers and wights march on King's Landing as the pure white snow falls, the people tremble to behold their new overlords, but soon they will learn the bliss that comes with undeath. The walkers rule fairly and justly. There is no need for an economy as everything is free and nobody needs anything, there is no need for politics as power wielded by the walkers is absolute, and they all share the same mind on everything, there is no more killing, as the dead rise as soon as they are struck down. It is a paradise, and the continent finally has peace. Soon the walkers shall begin constructing their ice ships to bring their paradise to the continent of Essos.

 

I wish Varys wasn't a eunuch. 

[dr pepper]

Wish granted.

 

Little Varys escapes from the sorceror, who had wanted him specifically to take the power of his future potency, which an oracle said would be unprecidented. He still grows up to be a master spy, but now he is also the father of a full 1% of the western cities of Essos, and perhaps 5% of King's Landing. And all of his brood share his special intelligence. Hence, all the plots we know of are deduced and thwarted early. Instead, there is a series of quiet, ruthlessly pursued wars between ruling juntas of these offspring. In the end, the Seven Kingdoms become bureaucratic republics emeshed in massive, baroque webs of intrigue. However this actually reduces the sufferings of the common people as there are far fewer full scale battles.

 

I wish Sansa had fled King's Landing after the Battle of Blackwater.

[Consternation]

Thanks Maximum Taco, you really outdid yourself on granting my wish!

 

Dr. Pepper's wish is granted.

 

Sansa left King's Landing with the Hound.  They made great haste for the riverlands, where Sansa was delivered to Catelyn's loving arms, and the Hound received a rich ransom for her.  She was able to attend Lord Hoster's funeral and meet Robb again.  Catelyn was able to negotiate a fine Frey marriage for Sansa, and Lord Walder was so pleased he did not have anyone slain. Songs were sung across the land of the merry double wedding of Tully uncle and Stark niece, each marrying their respective Freys.  Especially the great food and band.

 

The Freys never split from the Starks, and the Boltons never rebelled.  Together they faced the southerners until all the Lannisters were dead or banished.  Robb took his proper seat on the Iron Throne, ruling with honorable justice he administered personally. They hosted a tournament to celebrate and unfortunately were served bad shellfish pie and none survived the feast.

 

I wish Arya found Nymeria again.

[Meredith Quill]

^You sir/madam, are pure eeeevil ;)

[CletusMusashi]

I wish Arya found Nymeria again.

 

She does. But The Hound is asleep at the time, and when he wakes up Arya herself has gone back to sleep, so all he knows is that dire wolf tastes like chicken.

R.I.P. Crispynymeria...

 

Next wish is obvious, I think.

 

I wish Oberyn had finished off The Mountain.

[Jeebus Cripes]

I wish Oberyn had finished off The Mountain.

 

Wish Granted!

Oberyn is victorious, much to the chagrin of Tywin and Cersei. In celebration of his victory, Ellaria arranges an orgy of epic proportions. After spending all night and most of the next day screwing and drinking, Oberyn gets up to relieve himself in the chamber pot; only to trip over a whore, hitting his head on the sharp edge of a table and dying. 

 

I wish Jaqen H'ghar would come back and train Arya to be a faceless assassin.

Edited June 3, 2014 by Jeebus Cripes

[Zalyn]

I wish Jaqen H'ghar would come back and train Arya to be a faceless assassin.

 

Wish Granted! 

 

Jaqen H'ghar comes back and trains Arya to be able to move silently and blend in and strike quickly to kill.  But since he is so impressed with her potential, he has her go assassinate the person who killed Jon Arryn.  She's sent to the Aerie (climbs all the way up herself because she's badass) and kills Sansa, thinking she's Lysa.  Petyr Baelish, who was creeping around outside Sansa's bedchamber (as he does every night), catches Arya and decides not to settle for the less hot and more crazy sister yet again, so he chucks her out the Moon Door. 

 

The flying lesson was next week, sadly.

 

I wish Joffrey was a nice guy who was totally into Sansa.

Edited June 3, 2014 by Zalyn

[CletusMusashi]

I wish Joffrey was a nice guy who was totally into Sansa.

 

He is a very nice guy. So nice and trusting, in fact, that he is easily tricked and betrayed by his evil brother Tommen, who is working with Roose Bolton. The dire wolves and, for that matter, even most of the humans, Starks included, are too fat to be of any use in the fight, because Joffrey has spent the first two seasons baking lemon cookies for everyone. So one day when Joffrey is serving as best man at Loras and Renly's wedding (he legalized it,) almost every non-evil character on the show is massacred. Sansa is flayed. Joffrey loses both the pillar and the stones. And then Sansa's skin is sewn over Joffrey's skin. Ramsay renames him Wreck and trades him to Littlefinger in exchange for a "Whores: Half Off" coupon. Hilarity ensues when it turns out "half off" does not refer to the amount of skin you're supposed to remove from them.

 

I wish that those wings on Sansa's dress were functional.

Edited June 5, 2014 by CletusMusashi

[BlackberryJam]

Wish granted!

 

Pedofinger makes a move on Sansa.  She tries to run away but trips into Robin Arryn.  He asks her to pull out her milkers because he wants a drink.  She recoils in horror and flings herself out the Moon Door only to discover that like Sister Betrille, she can fly.  She flies down to the Bloody Gate and meets Arya, who is rolling on the ground in her own urine from laughing.  Arya, still in her near hysterical state, decides that everything that has happened to her is all Sansa's fault since she lied about Mycah, the butcher's boy.  Arya pulls out Needle and kills Sansa.  She then grabs the Hound and they run.  Pedofinger has, by that time, made his way to the Bloody Gate.  Unable to cope with the loss of yet another Tully woman, he cuts off dead!Sansa's hair and makes a wig of it.  He also puts on the dress and makes everyone call him Lady Tully.  The game continues.

 

I wish Jaime has lost his left hand instead of his right.

[Constantinople]

Wish granted.

Since Jaime can still fight, he remains as smug and obnoxious as ever, and doesn't reflect at all on what kind of person he's been. Eventually, everyone gets so sick of his self-satisfaction that, similar to Murder on the Orient Express, everyone combines to beat him to death.

Either that or now Jaime must learn how to jerk off with his right hand.

I wish Viserys were still alive, but Daenerys still had her dragons.

[Rocket]

Wish Granted!

 

Viserys shaning him self out of his self pity decides to bide his time, be nice, and see what happens thus avoiding his crowning. Things still go down with the Lamb people as Dany wants her brother on the throne and Drogo gets snuffed by the witch. Viserys has the witch burned but Dany still enters the fire and gets Dragons but feels she must stay loyal to her now nice seaming brother. Viserys realizing he only needs to wait till the dragons get big to recruit an army and knowing his sister has a small core of followers goes old school Targ and convinces Dany in her sadness to marry him. Viserys manages to get the support Dany had trouble getting bides his time getting the merchants to buy him an Army of Unsullied. No one gets free. After the Dragons get full size Viserys takes Dany and their children, having the warlocks remove the no child curse, and takes Westross frying everyone in his path to rule, Lanister, what left of the Starks, the bad seafood, the moon lady and more get instantly cremated. Viserys finds the Boltons useful. Viserys toasts the White Walkers and saves Westros. Viserys is a cruel and brutal king but many down through the ages praise him for doing what needed to be done and he is considered a hero of Westros. 

 

I wish Ned had a brain and supported Renly's idea and took over Kings Landing making Renly King. 

 

edited to correct properly spelled but incorrect words. 

Edited June 7, 2014 by Rocket

[BlackberryJam]

Wish Granted!

 

Ned Stark grows a brain and supports Renly as King after Robert's death.  He escapes King's Landing and is never beheaded.  Rallying the North for Renly, when it appears the Lannister forces are going to be defeated, Tywin brokers a deal with Renly.  Renly will be named King, but because Renly is unable to bed a woman, he must name Joffrey his heir.  Because Renly loves Loras's sweet sweet ass, he agrees, assuming he'll live forever.  He's wrong, of course.  Stannis sprays a smoke monster up Melisandre's vagina.  The Smoke Monster still kills Renly.  Joffrey becomes King.  The game continues.

 

I wish Tyrion had a teenage son.

[dr pepper]

Wish granted.

 

Taemrys Lannister is a sulky stripling, who at 17 is as tall as Jamie. He is also severely blonde, thanks to his mother being one of the many lesser kin of the Lannister main line. Tywin's teachings about family bear fruit in that Tyrion tries to look after the boy and get him a decent education, both as a scholar and as a member of the Westeros nobility.

Naturally, Taemrys rebels. He wants to become a maester and an artist. Tywin forbids him to swear to the maestership, because, emergency backup Lannister. He does get advanced tutoring, though.

One day, during Jaime's absence, Cersei invites Taemrys to paint a mural in her apartment. But it soon becomes clear that she intends to practice her special form of family togetherness on him. Freaked out, he flees King's Landing and ends up in Braavos. There he develops his talent and becomes the most sought after artist in the land.

He returns three years later with his wife, Arya, and the Golden Company. They conquer the North and declare loyalty to whoever has meanwhile managed to take the throne. Afterwards the House of Lannistark ("Elegant in Every Season") turns Winterfell into the cultural capital of the realm.

I wish Syrio had lived.

[Haiti D]

wish granted!

He defeats Meryn Trant but suffers a serious head injury. Overtime he returns to Bravoos and is demoted to the 31st Sword of Bravoos. Early onset dementia develops. He mourns the loss of his faculties and wishes fervently, daily for death. To which Death replies: "Not today, Sylvio."

I wish Catelyn Stark had loved Jon Snow.

[Maximum Taco]

Granted!

 

Cat did not care for Jon Snow at first, but as he grew into a handsome young man who so resembled the long dead Brandon Stark, she felt the old stirrings of red hot passion that she had never felt with Ned. Oh make no mistake, she loved Ned to be sure, but theirs was a comfortable love into which she had settled, not like the pure desire she had for Brandon. She still begged Ned to send the boy away, not because she hated him, but because she questioned her ability to deny her feelings. And when Ned had left for King's Landing without giving Jon permission to join the Night's Watch... well it was only a matter of time before she succumbed to her desire.

 

If only Robb had not entered her chambers without knocking. "I have no choice..." The Stark in Winterfell thought as he marched his mother and half-brother out to the castle yard and ordered Ser Rodrik to fetch the headsman's block. As his father had taught him 'The man who passes the sentence should swing the sword...'

 

I wish Theon had warned Robb about the Ironborn Invasion.

Edited June 6, 2014 by Maximum Taco

[Constantinople]

Wish granted

Robb sends ravens to Winterfell and the rest of the North. Theon never captures Winterfell. Bran never flees Winterfell, tells the Reeds to get lost -- there must always be a Stark in Winterfell -- never does whatever he's going to do North of the Wall, the Walkers aren't stopped by whatever Bran would have otherwise done and overwhelm the Seven Kingdoms. The End.

I wish that Oberyn gets a closed casket funeral

[Haiti D]

Your wish is granted.

Soon after Oberyn's death, Tyrion is beheaded. Cersei wants to have Tyrion's head placed on Oberyn's body, and for the two to be displayed together in full view of the public. Even Tywin realizes this is too macabre and orders the casket closed.

Months after the burial, a rumor arises that Tyrion still lives! Apparently the Joffery-dwarf last seen at the Purple Wedding is missing. The story goes that he was beheaded instead of Tyrion. And that somehow, Tyrion hid inside Oberyn's casket. Some even say that a few days after Oberyn was buried, Jamie used his golden hand as a shovel to disinter Tyrion.

I wish Cersei had fallen in love with Lancel.

Edited June 6, 2014 by Haiti D

[dr pepper]

Wish granted.

 

Within weeks, rumors begin to spread the Oberyn's gory death was actually some clever staging with a dummy and some paint. The real Oberyn is alive and secretly recruiting an army of vengence to put an end to Lannister designs on the kingdom. These rumors are persuasive, and such an army does form. Remnants of various broken houses rush to join up. With fresh dornish troops at its core, the army rolls over King's Landing and the Riverlands. Then as the lesser nobility of the North rises against both the Boltons and the Greyjoys, the army heads that way in support. Both of those nasty families are eliminated. Tywin hangs himself, Tyrion becomes lord of Casterly Rock, and Cersei becomes a nun. Jaime becomes head of Night's Watch and organizes it into a more effective security force. Ironically, the watch is now full of former Lannister soldiers. In the end, Westeros becomes a modified republic, with executive power vested in the Small Council, which is Stannis, Sansa, Varys, and two of the Sand Snakes. But there is lso a legislature, called the Great Council, which has representatives from every region. This new government is somewhat unwieldy but shows potential to evolve. Its first official act is to absolve Jon Snow from his vows so that he can become head of the House of Stark and rebuild Westerfall. The second act is the confirm Littlefinger as lord of the Vale, so long as he confines his operations to that area. Brienne and Arya become knight errants, who wander the land killing thieves, oppressors, and anyone who suggests that they're gay.

 

I wish that at least one of the Undying wizards had survived.

Edited June 6, 2014 by dr pepper

[Rocket]

Wish granted!

 

The Undying wizard realizing mortality decides his evil way are wrong and decides to worship the god of tits and wine on some tropical island. He spends the rest of his now mortal life drinking and sleeping with the island women (mainly the old island women) and dies a happy and blessed man. 

 

What how is that perverted? Well unpreverted wish the Undying wizard would head out to extract his revenge on Dany or at least try to rebuild the order so to corrupt the wish you have to have the Undying wizard do something good or have the Undying wizard do something bad to the wisher and as I don't know the details on the wish makers life I chose wizard do good. 

 

The wish for Viserys to live I corrupted still makes me sick having Viserys  be a Stalin like hero to his nation. (Stalin to many Russians I have read is still considered a hero for winning WWII even though he killed millions (higher number of evil killing than Hitler) of Russians in purges and repression. But I now wonder if I actually corrupted the wish to have Viserys live or actually fulfilled the wish uncorrupted. 

 

I wish Brian had not climbed the tower that day and stayed healthy and the incest twins unbothered. 

Edited June 7, 2014 by Rocket

[CletusMusashi]

Since the original posting times indicate that Haiti D granted that casket wish three minutes before Dr. Pepper did, I'm going go back and cover their wish.

 

I wish Cersei had fallen in love with Lancel.

 

Wish granted! Cersei falls in love with Lancel and dumps Jaime years before the series even starts. When Bran catches them having sex, Lancel tries to push him out the window, but Bran beats the hell out of him. Then Cersei charges, and ends up falling out the window like a Disney witch. She's in a coma for a while, then wakes up crippled with amnesia.  The Starks provide Hodor to carry her around, and the Cersei-Hodor-Lancel love triangle takes over the entire rest of the show. There's no Puppygate, no "Everyone except us is an enemy" speech, and Robert's suggestion that they each discipine their own children goes down fine. Joffrey never goes completely whack, which means that Sansa defending him and talkig about the beautiful blonde babies she'll have with him never happens, so Ned never invents mendelian genetics, Lancel is too busy arguing with Hodor  to kill Robert, Catelyn never kidnaps Tyrion and makes him into a main character, and the only real villain we have is Littlefinger, who gives half hour speeches about how it was he who pushed the queen out of the tower, in order to prevent her from harming Catelyn. Also, every week he has a new insidious plot like trying to get Ned caught with whores, or trying to distract him enough to forget Catelyn's birthday. In short, the only interesting thing that ever happens in Westeros is Bran occasionally slapping Lancel.

 

I'm leaving Rocket's wish for the next person. Bran never climbs the tower, doesn't get injured, never discovers the incest. Have at it!

Edited June 8, 2014 by CletusMusashi

[Trisan]

Wish granted.

 

Bran has been very moved by Cat's words not to climb anymore. He starting to realise the danger of heights.

 

Later on, it is time for the Stark household to go to King's Landing.

Bran is definitly accompanying them. He wants to become a knight and, as his older sister, is very excited to see them all in their shining armor in the capital.

 

But, once at KL, he soons realises the viper's nest his in, so, in a burst of anger, wargs without knowing what's he's doing, into Summer and starts attacking people.

Ned is for the moment talking with Tobbo Moht and cant intervene. Archers and knight decide to put the wolf down and Bran wargs out just in time.

It is Jaime Lannister who strikes the final blow to Summer and when Ned returns, the tensions between Starks and Lannister are at a climax.

 

Jaime, in all his arrogance, confronts Ned about giving wild beasts to his kids. When Ned finds out about the incest, he goes to confront Jaime instead of Cersei, still angry at him for killing the wolf, and Jaime decides that he cannot Ned live and engages duel with him. Ned loses and is killed. War with the North begins.

 

I wish Tormund had became the King-Beyond-the-Wall.

[BlackberryJam]

Wish Granted!

 

Tormund does become King Beyond the Wall.  However, his beard frightens the other tribes.  He's unable to unite them for the attack on the Wall.  Instead, the Wildlings get wiped out by the White Walkers and those that survive head to the Wall for sanctuary.  However, Thorne goes douchey and refused to take them in.  Wildlings dead.  Game continues.

 

I wish Jaime had been the one to kill Joffrey.

[Maximum Taco]

Granted!

 

Luckily for Joffrey, Qyburn had been present at the wedding, and being a travelling non-Maester he had all of his antidotes on a small kit he always kept on his person, Lord Roose had always insisted he had to be prepared for anything, the Boltons were rough while interrogating prisoners of war, and while a flayed man had no secrets, a dead man could tell none.

 

In any case the young king was saved and life went on in King's Landing. When King Stannis marched his men to the gates in a second attempt to take the capital Jaime led the van and broke the Baratheon host. Joffrey commanded everyone but Lord Stannis put to the sword, and the streets of the capital ran red with stag's blood. For Stannis, Joffrey allowed mercy, he said he would return his uncle to his Red God. He roasted Stannis as the Mad King had roasted Rickard Stark before him and laughed as the Mad King had laughed.

 

With Stannis' death peace returned to Westeros and Joffrey was hailed by the small folk for his victory. He would rule for another 40 years before the Dragon Queen across the sea finally (I mean FINALLY) bestirred herself from her city state of Meereen. As the dragons were spotted above Blackwater Bay his councilors begged the King to sue for peace. Joffrey, of course, refused, saying "If the dragon bitch wants my city, she can burn it down to get it and rule over ashes. She can burn them all."

 

When Lord Commander of the Queensguard Jorah Mormont entered the Red Keep, he found the 80 year old Jaime Lannister sitting the Iron Throne, his hair had silvered, and Ser Jorah thought that he almost looked like one of the dragon kings of old, so much the ease in which he sat. The body of Joffrey I Baratheon lay at the bottom of the steps, the blood running freely from the wound in his back.

 

Ser Jaime smiled as the northern Lord approached the throne and told him to get up.

 

I wish that Hot Pie had uncharacteristically given up on the gravy

Edited June 10, 2014 by Maximum Taco

[Constantinople]

Wish granted.

Hot Pie is fired for giving up on the gravy and thereby making a terrible kidney pie. Once again he finds himself on the next Castle Black Express to Wall, and one again his caravan is attacked. But this time Thenns attack. Thenns who turn Hot Pie into a ...hot pie.

Since Ygritte's dead now anyway, and Jon Snow is going to try to assassinate Mance Rayder, I wish Jon had just chopped Ygritte's head off in Season 2.

[CletusMusashi]

I wish Jon had just chopped Ygritte's head off in Season 2.

 

Wish granted! Jon kills Ygritte, but gets lost anyway, and ends up falling in love with a bear. He still ends up working under Mance Rayder, except that this time Tormund is Jon's father-in-law. Castle Black is annihilated, except for Gilly, Allegedly Loud Baby, and Janos Slynt. The Night's Watch continues to get just as much screen time as it did before, except that now it's all about the Gilly/Slynt romance. Oh, and after conquering Castle Black, Mance sends Jon on a very, very long, very critical and secret mission, accompanied by his brothers Bran and Rickon. And absolutely nobody else. All three siblings have full-on Castro beards before anything whatsoever actually happens.

 

I wish Syrio's other gig had been helping Robert lose weight through jazzercise.

[debi49]

I wish Syrio's other gig had been helping Robert lose weight through jazzercise.

 

Done! In fact, Roberts workout DVD's "The svelte stag" , "Getting Ripped with Robert" and "Pumping whores is good for the heart" are available at Amazon.com. Don't forget to sign up for Amazon Prime for free shipping! Our Ravens are quick!

 

 

 

I Want Arya and Gendry back together. Forever!

Edited June 13, 2014 by debi49

[BlackberryJam]

Wish granted!

Arya makes it to White Harbor from the Vale. Just then, Gendry, who has been rowing for a year now, comes ashore. While Gendry wants to just sleep on land, Arya forces him to row her out to sea. They spend eternity rowing around Westeros and bickering

I wish Stannis and Melisandre had a real son.

[Conan Troutman]

I wish Stannis and Melisandre had a real son.

 

Granted!

 

Stannis Baratheon jr. (Stannis sr. just couldn't think of a name) was a boy of remarkable physique, intelligence and character and soon was legitimized by Stannis sr. as his rightful heir. After Stannis sr. won the Iron Throne, his son was groomed to be the next king and was well on his way to become the king to truly unite the Seven Kingdoms and bring peace and prosperity to them. Unfortunately, during his rebellous teenage phase, he swore off the Lord of Light to piss off his parents, and was promptly burned alive and buried alongside his half-sister, who had died the same way years ago. After Stannis' sr. eventually bored himself to death, Roose Bolton won the war for the vacant throne but died shortly after, so King Ramsay I made everybody long for the days of now-called Joffrey the Gentle.

 

I wish the Iron Bank would go bankrupt.

Edited June 15, 2014 by Conan Troutman

[dr pepper]

Wish Granted

 

It turns out that a couple of the directors had been doing some off the books speculation for their own enrichment. Most recently, they had cornered the futures market in slaves. And just as they were getting ready to go to auction-- no slaves! The bank was left holding worthless delivery contracts and was suddenly unable to make new loans. Word began to spread and a chain reaction of business contractions became a crisis of confidence and then a death spiral. The faceless assassins were called in, and one morning the citizens of Bravos woke to find the entire board of directors, their biggest private underwriters, and a few hitherto unknown partners, all lying outside the main bank building. They had all been garotted and their foreheads stamped LIQUIDATE.

Ironically, the two embezzelers survived by leaving before the storm broke. One ends up at Casterly Rock, supervising the conversion of empty gold mines into aging facilities for wine and cheese, a project that turns out to be quite lucrative. The other becomes the First Abacus of Westeros, because "Master of Coin" is too lowly a title, and manages to stablize the royal debt.

 

I wish that the Frey bridge would collapse.

[PeteMartell]

Wish granted.

 

Having 50,000 sons and daughters on a bridge for one family reunion is never a good idea. Walder isn't on the bridge himself, but a flying Frey sends him careening into the marsh. His last words are, "I don't want to go..."

 

I wish Lady had never been killed.

[dr pepper]

Wish Granted.

 

Arya's wolf is still driven off, but Lady is spared.
 

When Sansa settles in King's Landing, she gives Lady over to the attentions of the royal beauticians. For several months, Lady is treated like an oversized toy poodle. Sometimes she's dyed Lannister gold, sometimes she sports ribbons and nail polish, and most of the time she's done up to match whatever Sansa is wearing. She takes to sneaking out and spending time following Arya or curled up under Ned's desk. Later, she helps Ned and his guard fight their way out of the trap,  incidently taking Baelish's hand. Ned gets his family safely out of King's Landing and raises the North for Stannis. Except, poor wannabe princess Sansa has smuggled her Prince Charming Joffrey in the luggage compartment of their coach! Eventually, he and Sansa are wed and given title to Dragonstone by King Stannis. Sansa's stubborn willfulness eventually persuades Stannis to have a causeway built to connect that island to the mainland. Sansa becomes the preeminent party organizer of Westeros, and invents several important categories of social event, each with its own decorating theme, dress code, and favorite dance. As magic creeps in, certain minstrels gain augmented talents and become the first known rockstars.

 

I wish that the comet had hit the ground.

[PeteMartell]

Wish granted.

 

Yara Greyjoy is playing a rollicking game of dice with her men when she sees the comet speeding toward the Iron Islands. A chill creeps up her spine as she sails for home. When she arrives, she finds much of the kingdom destroyed or in chaos, but miraculously, her father lives. 

 

Theon, already on his way home in an attempt to forge an alliance between Stark and Greyjoy, is devastated when, upon his arrival, Balon begins throwing dead fish of various shapes and sizes at him.

 

"The comet was the color of your pretender king's hair! Give him these gifts as your bloody dowry!!!"

 

Theon pleads for his father to listen to him, until a baby shark bumps his breastplate and he nearly topples over. The baby shark has a look of sadness that reminds him of Robb.

 

"My king's hair is as beautiful as the rest of him! I love him! I will always love him...you fucking senile bag of shit!"

 

A sobbing Theon leaves Pyke once and for all, determined to win Robb's hand and to clean the baby shark off his armor. Balon throws cod around the room at random, raging at the latest betrayal of the Stark line.

 

Yara mutters, "Men..." under her breath and prepares to rebuild.

 

I wish the true ruler of the Seven Kingdoms was Syrio Forel.

Edited June 15, 2014 by PeteMartell

[Fable]

Wish Granted! 

 

Syrio learns from Varys, that he is the eldest son of the descendant of the first true King of Westeros and the 7K.  He decides to cut down Meryn Trant and the rest of the Kingsguard and usurp the throne.  So doing, he decides he needs a wife to produce heirs and immediately choses none other than Margaery Tyrell.  Grandma Tyrell does not approve of Syrio due to his lack of political and military experience and suffocates him in his sleep with one of her granddaughters' embroidered doilies, but only after Margaery bears him an heir.  The Tyrells go on to populate Westeros with free love and flower power. 

 

I wish Brienne/Pod/Arya/The Hound could have had an adventure together!