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Semi-Ho Glossary

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Some terms bandies about here for the unitiated:

 

  • SLop: Sandra Lee, ol' pudding-cups. Named for her boobs and propensity to use pudding cups in her recipes.
  • The Ladder: Her current beau, Mario Cuomo
  • The Wallet: Her ex husband who bought her this show.
  • Pudding cups: Sandra's large droppy tits
  • Milli Vanilli Hands, MV hands: Food stylist doing the actual work for Sandra so the food looks semi-edible
  • Juice: the fluid in canned goods, i.e. "bean juice", "chicken juice", "pear juice", etc.
  • Set up: The process by whch Sandra leaves a food product off to the side to magically finish off the cooking process itself, ie, "the MV switcharoo"
  • Shrike: Sandra Lee detractor
  • Tablescape: The crap you put on a table for decoration and maybe still have room for the food, maybe.
  • Melon baler: a kitchen utensil used for small scoops that hibernates in winter

.

 

I am sure there are others I missed.

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Hip check:  Sandra's method of closing the oven door hands-free, frequently accompanied by a WOOT!

 

There's probably more, but it's late.

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Seize: the opposite of "set up". Any food product that has achieved whatever state is supposed to have achieved is said to have "set up". Cream that whips, pudding that congeals: it "set up". Anything that doesn't do what it is supposed to is said to have "seized". Pudding watery? Chocolate scorched in the microwave? Just say it "seized".

 

•The Ladder: Her current beau, Mario Cuomo

Actually, it's Mario's son Andrew Cuomo, current governor of NY. His three daughters are Sandy's "stepladders".

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Mars-capone:  Mascarpone.

 

Expresso:  Espresso.

 

I know there's another word she regularly mispronounces but I can't remember what it is.

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Vinegar-ette:  Vinaigrette (Thanks to a mention in her book, I finally remembered the word!)

 

Rock Star:  A description SLop uses to praise something (specifically, her nasty concoctions) highly.

 

"I love you, Danielle!":  Something SLop screeched when she and her niece Danielle were on a roller coaster and apparently thought they were going to die or something, I think.

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Sandy yelled "I love you, Danielle" on some carnival ride where they were "literally vertical", according to her own story about the carnival.

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Fandra:  Looooooooves Aunt Sandy and her russipees, and not for snarking purposes.  Polar opposite of a Shrike.  Truly loves the slop...and the SLop.

Russipee:  Recipe.

Pantry (standard definition):  A room or closet-like space where non-perishables are stored.  Food must be purchased beforehand.  (According to the early Semi-Ho episodes, Sandy enters her house through one).

Pantry (Semi-Ho definition):  A room or closet-like space where free food magically appears, which can then be used in Semi-Ho russipees.  Saves one from having to go to his or her regular groshry store to get food.

Edited by ragstoriches

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Fiend herbs:  Fines herbs

Herbes de provence:  Herbs which magically transform any old ordinary dish into French cuisine.

Porcine bloomin' onion:  Sandy's Honey Bourbon Ham, in which the finished product looks like a weird bloomin' onion.  (Also sometimes known as Honey Vermin Ham.)

Kakes of Kultural Insensitivity:  Sandy's Hanukkah and Kwanzaa Kakes, which have to be seen to be believed.

Edited by ragstoriches
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Set up - The Process in which Sandra will place a partially prepared dish of food off to one side, and then return later to the dish fully prepared and often looking completely different then what she had originally prepared.

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'Cookie spray' (instead of 'cooking spray')

 

'Doll it up' - adding ingredients to a dish will help 'doll it up'.

 

'Salmonella sleeves' - When SLoP would wear those loose, dangly sleeves and drag them through the food.

Edited by BooksRule
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Attention to detail:  Advice SLop likes to dish out to her audience, but doesn't often follow herself.

Gernish:  Anything SLop likes to use to make her cocktails look fancier.  Typically consist of wedges of fruit stuck on the glass, or eye-poking stalks.  Once castrated a gingerbread man for gernish purposes (you don't want to know.  At least not if you're a man).

Choking hazards:  Usually fruit (although once she used fake teeth), which SLop likes to put INto her cocktails.  Frequently windpipe-sized.  May or may not be visible.

Rolling L's:  SLLLLLLop's manner of speaking, particularly in the older episodes.  Llllllloves to emphasize her LLLLL's.

Cocktail Time:  Best time of the day.  Takes place whenever it is 5:00 anywhere on the planet.

Edited by ragstoriches
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KitchenAid: An accessory that is prized for its ability to color-coordinate with the tablescape.

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Yes, the KitchenAid is purely decorative. All mixing is to be done with a handheld mixer, which is often called a blender by Aunt Sandy.

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I'm getting sort of self-conscious about how many posts I have in this thread, but I keep coming up with stuff, and it's kind of fun. :)

 

Bee-yorn:  Bjorn, one of Sandy's many nutcracker friends, along with Friedrich, the "Frunch" nutcracker, and what's-his-name, the German nutcracker, along with a creepy life-sized nutcracker whose purpose is to scare children away from the kitchen (Uhh, SLop, I think your food already does just that).

 

Frunch:  French.

 

Cocktail Tree:  Sandy's favorite Christmas tree ever, decorated with cocktail glasses and topped with a nutcracker holding a replica of one of her cocktails (at least I hope it's a replica).

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And don't forget, if you're ever in the mood to see some fish, head on down to your local Aquoriam.

Edited by WhitneyWhit
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Salmonella Sandy:  Term used for Sandy whenever she fails to follow common-sense hygiene practices, like not washing her hands after touching raw meat, or licking her fingers and then touching her food.

 

Sandy Math:  Basically goes against everything you were ever taught about math, going back to the days when you learned to count from Sesame Street.  Don't even try to figure it out, there is no rhyme or reason to it whatsoever.  Exists only in SLop's booze-addled brain.  Suspected by shrikes to be a result of Aunt Sandy not knowing basic math.

Edited by ragstoriches
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Ah yes, Sandy math. How many times have we seen her place multiple items on a baking sheet only to have them multiply, or half disappear between putting them INto the oven, or removing them?

 

And, I don't remember what episode it was, but she was picking something up and said "I have two, grab one more and that makes six"

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Didn't she once say to microwave something for 1 and a half minutes, and then turn to the microwave and punch in 1:50?

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Yep. She sure did. Another time, she put ice cream in the freezer and intended to set the timer for :20 and set it for 20:00.

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You mean the microwave? :P

 

No wonder SLop needs a MV (who probably didn't get paid nearly enough).  She probably wound up boiling the ice cream after heating it for that long.

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Well, if you want to take some advice from her "Taverns, Lounges ..." show: "It's easy to melt ice cream at home."

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Well, if you want to take some advice from her "Taverns, Lounges ..." show: "It's easy to melt ice cream at home."

 

OMG, Mousie, you almost made gin and tonic come out my nose. What a hoot!

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Sandy's friends from many lands:

 

Hy Pertenson

Sal T. Bloat

Sam n' Ella

Harry Covair

Mars Capone

Halla Peenyo

Chip Otley

Ali Koholic

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She was trying for "tres jolie", but it came out as "treasurely".

 

Remember, if you say French words really fast, no one will know that you are not pronouncing them correctly.

 

This is especially important if you are patronizing one of the many Orange Likoor Stands that dot the French countryside.

 

I see that we covered the Wallet and the Ladder earlier in this thread, but let's not forget the Stepladders.

 

And, let's not forget Dr. Charles Treuter, the one who came up with the name of "shrikes" to describe those of us who like to snark on SLop.

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This is especially important if you are patronizing one of the many Orange Likoor Stands that dot the French countryside.

Are those in France: The City of Lights?

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Yes, lovely place. And should you get bored, you can hop over to Greece and sample chicken wings, which are apparently their national delicacy.

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Sandy's friends from many lands:

Hy Pertenson

Sal T. Bloat

Sam n' Ella

Harry Covair

Mars Capone

Halla Peenyo

Chip Otley

Ali Koholic

Don't forget Vinny Garette!

And another definition: pre-shredded or pre-sliced = shredded or sliced, espec. shredded by someone other than SLop.

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I can't get over the fact that Aunt Sandy thinks ratatouille directly translates to vegetable stew. "Rata, tooey. Vegetable, stew."

 

Is this how she processes other languages?

Ravi, olee. Square, noodle.

Per, oggee. Big, dumpling.

Dim, sum. Chinese, food.

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VANELLA - an aigstract used in baking, but primarily known as a flavor of vodka

 

ULLIGANT - rilly, rilly fancy

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