S07.E18: One Life To Live

[MyPeopleAreNordic]

All of this bluster about Cate's childhood trauma* is a smokescreen and placeholder for what she's not ready to publicly admit:

She felt pressured to place Carly for adoption.  She really didn't want to.  She did it to keep Tyler.  She resents him because of it (and probably Nova, too).  She wants to drag him down/punish him for it for a looong time.  She was paid to advocate for adoption & encourage other women to make the same choice she did, a choice that left her traumatized and that she didn't want to make (and a choice she was lauded for repeatedly).

 

*Cate definitely went through a lot of trauma with April and the family (and Butch), but I honestly think she has forgiven April & it isn't the real trauma she's dealing with that keeps her miserable, makes her unable to interact with Carly, and makes her want to make Tyler miserable along with her.  The real trauma is everything surrounding making the choice to place Carly for adoption & the pressure she felt from the "love of her life" and "best husband ever" Tyler.  She can't admit it because her whole identity and world would crumble. 

[gunderda]

On 4/12/2018 at 3:53 PM, Jeanne222 said:

So if Tyler was to leave Cate we can guess he would get custody with no Kristine like Gary has.  What would he do?

He would do as he did when Cate was gone.  He seemed to manage just fine. 

However I believe the only ways he would get custody would be if 1. Cate just readily gave it to him  2. He fought real dirty to get it if Cate didn't want to give up custody

And even though I think Cate doesn't mind not being a parent, I don't think she'd readily give up custody to Tyler. I think deep down she wouldn't care if Tyler had custody but would feel the need to keep up the appearance of good caring mother.  And I doubt the state would give custody to Tyler just because Cate has been to treatment. Gary got lucky that Amber went to jel.  That's the easiest way to get custody of a kid. 

[Kazu]

10 hours ago, gunderda said:

He would do as he did when Cate was gone.  He seemed to manage just fine. 

However I believe the only ways he would get custody would be if 1. Cate just readily gave it to him  2. He fought real dirty to get it if Cate didn't want to give up custody

And even though I think Cate doesn't mind not being a parent, I don't think she'd readily give up custody to Tyler. I think deep down she wouldn't care if Tyler had custody but would feel the need to keep up the appearance of good caring mother.  And I doubt the state would give custody to Tyler just because Cate has been to treatment. Gary got lucky that Amber went to jel.  That's the easiest way to get custody of a kid. 

Amber signed legal documents giving Gary full custody. That is how he was able to have Leah full-time in his legal care and custody. It wasn't really going to jail that did her in. Plenty of parents go to jail or prison without losing custody or rights.  At that time, Amber felt it was in Leah's best interest. She was right.

10 hours ago, MyPeopleAreNordic said:

All of this bluster about Cate's childhood trauma* is a smokescreen and placeholder for what she's not ready to publicly admit:

She felt pressured to place Carly for adoption.  She really didn't want to.  She did it to keep Tyler.  She resents him because of it (and probably Nova, too).  She wants to drag him down/punish him for it for a looong time.  She was paid to advocate for adoption & encourage other women to make the same choice she did, a choice that left her traumatized and that she didn't want to make (and a choice she was lauded for repeatedly).

 

*Cate definitely went through a lot of trauma with April and the family (and Butch), but I honestly think she has forgiven April & it isn't the real trauma she's dealing with that keeps her miserable, makes her unable to interact with Carly, and makes her want to make Tyler miserable along with her.  The real trauma is everything surrounding making the choice to place Carly for adoption & the pressure she felt from the "love of her life" and "best husband ever" Tyler.  She can't admit it because her whole identity and world would crumble. 

Preach!

[gunderda]

11 hours ago, Kazu said:

Amber signed legal documents giving Gary full custody. That is how he was able to have Leah full-time in his legal care and custody. It wasn't really going to jail that did her in. Plenty of parents go to jail or prison without losing custody or rights.  At that time, Amber felt it was in Leah's best interest. She was right.

But it's easier to get PRIMARY custody when the other person goes to jail. That's what I'm saying. I don't think she would have given up primary custody if she didn't go to jail.  It's exactly how my brother received primary custody of my two oldest nephews.  First nephew was born, years later his mom went to jail, she signed over custody. She was never in very long. Years later my brother was an idiot and kept her around, 2nd nephew was born - my brother didn't mess with any custody stuff because he knew that sooner rather than later she would screw up again, land herself in jail and he'd be able to get custody again. And he was right. She went to jail and she signed over primary custody. 

[SPLAIN]

Quote

I just find it horrid that MTV not only paid for these spa visits, but they went out of their way to find a place that would allow them to film Cate's vacation. It is all about MTV and their need for ratings.

MTV makes me ill. They are exploiting someone who has some mental issues (not the mental issues she claims).

I don't understand how any facility finds it appropriate to allow MTV to be on their premises to film patients. The other problem is, it is only a small portion that we see of Cate's time there, but it offers such a skewered view of what is really happening at the facility.

Edited April 19, 2018 by SPLAIN

[MistyMeg]

Hope I  have the right episode here......just wanted to comment on the leah going to her friends sleep over!  What planet is Amber on???   "maybe I should have been more strict"...for goodness sake...kids love going to each others sleep over...I am sure that Leahs friends Mom  did not plan it to be on Ambers weekend! how selfish is she????  Maybe Leah needs to take a leaf out of Ambers book and and say that she is so depressed she needs to be with friends her own age!!!  Amber should be happy that Leah has friends and gets invited to sleepovers!  it wouldn't seem so bad if Amber did anythign  for kids  when she has Leah! Can you imagine her hosting a  sleepover???   The last one I remember my daughter  having was when she was about 13yrs old....12 x 13yr old girls all night...waiting on them hand and foot... making breakfast for all of them...etc etc.....not to mention the love of The Spice Girls at the time.....OMG....no wonder I am insane!!!!!!

[SheTalksShit]

On 4/10/2018 at 9:26 AM, Linny said:

This episode provided a whole hell of a lot of stuff to unpack about Catelynn and Tyler, but what stood out to me the most was Catelynn describing how good Tyler is at handling his responsibilities (with Nova, the business, etc.) whereas Catelynn is always exhausted and can barely make herself presentable in the morning. I think ultimately Catelynn sees herself as inferior to Tyler because she views him as effortlessly able to navigate through life. He's accomplished things that Catelynn struggles with, from smaller goals like quitting smoking and losing weight to bigger goals like managing Tierra Reign. Tyler represents everything that Catelynn would like to achieve for herself but is unable to due to her underlying mental health issues. I think running back to Arizona was her preferred option because it let her escape Tyler's scrutiny and her own perceived inadequacies. And Tyler, as much as I feel sorry for him for dealing with everything solo, does have the tendency to play martyr ("you were sleeping like a baby, I was jealous"), which only contributes to Catelynn's low opinion of herself. They both need to recognize that they're a team, not competitors; Catelynn's got to show up more for Tyler and Nova, but Tyler's got to cut out the subtle jabs undermining Catelynn's efforts.

All that being said, my heart broke for poor Nova as she cried for her mom not to leave her at school. I respect Catelynn's decision to get help but I think she needs to balance that need with the needs of her child. This little girl is desperate for her mom and confused as to why she keeps going away. The manner in which Catelynn left her was quite cold-hearted, and it made me really disappointed to see Catelynn act like that. 

OMG you are so right about Cate. I think Cate, at her core, feels she is not good enough for Tyler/Tyler is too good for her/she doesn’t have enough to bring to the table in the relationship. And I think THAT is the route cause of her depression and I think fans constantly saying/implying that makes that insecurity very hard for her to overcome and I think THAT is likely the reason she was advised to stay off of social media. 

Do you remember, a couple years ago, when she was asked to tell fans something about Tyler that they didn’t know and we all thought it was strange that, of all the things she could tell us about her husband, she chose to tell us he has a really bad temper and that she’s the only one who can calm him down? It all makes sense now why she said that now. It was her way of trying to tell viewers that she, too, has something to bring to the table, it was her way of trying to tell viewers that Tyler’s shit stinks, too. 

I felt for Tyler in this episode, though. I think he holds a lot of his frustrations w/Caitlin inside bc she immediately gets really dramatic and upset with herself and feels guilty (and I can’t tell if that’s also a manipulation tactic/defense mechanism to ward off his criticism/frustration or if it’s real but I think it’s a bit of both) so it sometimes comes out in passive-aggressive, douchey ways. 

I think Cate’s deeply-routed insecurity of not being good enough for Tyler is becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy, though. 

I 100% agree with you about the real reason Cate left to go back to AZ. I also agree with what someone else said about Cate liking and finding comfort in the structure and stability in a ritzy mental health retreat bc she had none of those things as a kid. I think the fact that she never had that is part of why she doesn’t know how to function well in day to day life and maintain it - she never learned that, that’s not how she grew up. Tyler’s situation was a bit different, yes Butch was a drug addict but his mother was not and so she was likely able to provide Tyler with some consistency and stability growing up that Catelynn never had, which might also be why Tyler has an easier time in life, he was at least raised with the basic tools for stable, everyday functioning in life. 

I also think that Tyler is just naturally more driven and able to push through things that Cate is not able to. 

[FozzyBear]

On 4/9/2018 at 7:00 PM, woodscommaelle said:

You put yourself in prison, Amber? And you're wondering how many people have done that? I'm guessing not many bc that is not normal behavior. 

Oh my god I laughed and laughed and laughed at that. I understand that she was referring to going to prison instead of doing community service but 1) you don’t choose to go to prison, you are sentenced to prison 2) it’s not something to brag about 3) I have literally no idea why she thought it demonstrated that she’s a good mom, and 4) is that really your biggest accomplishment? Successful prison time? You have nothing else going for you? Oh, Amber, don’t ever change. But stay the fuck away from your daughter. 

 

Cait. I just...SIGH. You hate your life. That’s why your anxiety is coming back. You’re not in love with your husband, you don’t find motherhood fulfilling, and you don’t know what to do. I suggest getting some sort of job that requires a schedule and a hefty dose of family counseling so you and Tyler can try to figure out what the hell you two are doing with your lives. Or you could just keep going to different treatment facilities until you blow through all your money and you and Tyler and Nova end up on public assistance. Your choice.