S07.E13: I'm Beautiful, I'm Smart, I'm Strong

[TheRealT]

2 hours ago, MargeGunderson said:

I think Cate wants a bunch of kids because they represent unconditional love to her. Her kids will always love her, no matter what, and will never leave her. That's what she's looking for. 

I think that both she and Ty have always truly bought into the idea of having a big, "perfect" family-- with two loving parents with good careers, a big house, lots of happy kids and animals running around. A lot of children (which is what they were when they hatched that dream) idealize that kind of life, but then, as they grow up and understand life/the world better, their dreams evolve accordingly. I think with Cate and Ty, they've gotten locked into their childhood fantasies because not much has changed for them since childhood except having more money. And the early validation that they got from the MTV audience kind of encouraged them to be stuck-- to stay together, to have a Carly replacement baby, to stay fixated on their identities as The Kids Who Placed Their Baby For Adoption. So their dreams haven't really evolved due to new circumstances (like realizing that child rearing is harder than they thought and they don't actually want a bunch of kids (which I think is a pretty common revelation for new parents)).

They're really not good for each other. I can't imagine (for example) Cate saying, "I always thought I wanted a big family, but, frankly, I'm struggling to take care of Nova and myself. I don't want another baby now; I might never want another baby." Similarly, I can't imagine Tyler saying, "I really do love you, Cate, but I don't want to be with you anymore..." Their "coupleness" and the narrative around it is so ingrained in their identities, as well as their livelihoods, that it's almost impossible for them to deviate from "the script" that they've established. They are determined to have a "happy" and "successful" marriage and create the kind of life/family/home that Carly will be thrilled to be a part of when she turns 18 (whether they frame it in terms of reuniting with Carly or not). I think that, especially for Cate, the idea of giving up that dream is terrifying, just in terms of her sense of self, and, even if it's subconscious, she thinks/hopes that Carly will be more inclined to want a relationship with her if she has this awesome family (with Tyler and a bunch of full bio siblings) to draw her in. So, for her, not having more kids/not being with Tyler isn't just a different path her life might take; it's the destruction of everything she's ever wanted.

[ghoulina]

2 hours ago, Chris Knight said:

I feel no pity whatsoever for Cate. She needs to snap the hell out of it, and keep things in perspective. Carly didn't die - she's living a fabulous life with B&T. I look at parents who have tragically lost children thru illness or accident, and those are the people who seek comfort and closure. Carly is fine, Catelynn

 Move on !

Catelynn knows Carly is fine. 

It's Cate herself that is not fine. 

Adoption is a loss, of sorts, no matter what you compare it to. She's never adequately dealt with that loss. This show leaves her in a feeling of limbo, where the adoption is a major part of her storyline. It's unhealthy. She needs intense treatment if she's ever going to "snap the hell out of it". 

[FairyDusted]

Huge shout out to @Brooklynista for a whooping 82 heart post wayyyyyy upthread. Preverts came out of nowhere on this episode. Well done! 

[Brooklynista]

13 hours ago, FairyDusted said:

Huge shout out to @Brooklynista for a whooping 82 heart post wayyyyyy upthread. Preverts came out of nowhere on this episode. Well done! 

I do?? What brilliance did i come up with?? I want to thank all of my fellow Snarksters. You all inspire to keep watching this drivel because hating others makes me feel better about my life.

[FairyDusted]

@Brooklynista Look at your post on Feb.26th! I lost all my bookmarks while my Mac was in the shop so I had to start on page 1. 

[mamadrama]

On 2/26/2018 at 9:46 PM, Brooklynista said:

So Tyler’s life basically consists of picking up and dropping off his various family members to rehab.

Your comment won the PTV boards for the week. :-)

[GreatKazu]

11 minutes ago, mamadrama said:

Your comment won the PTV boards for the week. :-)

That post of Brooklynista's deserves a gold medal.?

[FairyDusted]

No shit! Who knew we have 82 PLUS watching this shit show. WE SEE you now! LOL! This show is like fuckin crack. 

[GreatKazu]

3 hours ago, FairyDusted said:

No shit! Who knew we have 82 PLUS watching this shit show. WE SEE you now! LOL! This show is like fuckin crack. 

?

Damn preverts.

Out of nowhere, indeed. ?

[druzy]

Wow @BROOKLYNISTA you set a record :)

[ReadMeLattice]

On 3/7/2018 at 3:01 PM, TheRealT said:

I think that both she and Ty have always truly bought into the idea of having a big, "perfect" family-- with two loving parents with good careers, a big house, lots of happy kids and animals running around. A lot of children (which is what they were when they hatched that dream) idealize that kind of life, but then, as they grow up and understand life/the world better, their dreams evolve accordingly. I think with Cate and Ty, they've gotten locked into their childhood fantasies because not much has changed for them since childhood except having more money. And the early validation that they got from the MTV audience kind of encouraged them to be stuck-- to stay together, to have a Carly replacement baby, to stay fixated on their identities as The Kids Who Placed Their Baby For Adoption. So their dreams haven't really evolved due to new circumstances (like realizing that child rearing is harder than they thought and they don't actually want a bunch of kids (which I think is a pretty common revelation for new parents)).

They're really not good for each other. I can't imagine (for example) Cate saying, "I always thought I wanted a big family, but, frankly, I'm struggling to take care of Nova and myself. I don't want another baby now; I might never want another baby." Similarly, I can't imagine Tyler saying, "I really do love you, Cate, but I don't want to be with you anymore..." Their "coupleness" and the narrative around it is so ingrained in their identities, as well as their livelihoods, that it's almost impossible for them to deviate from "the script" that they've established. They are determined to have a "happy" and "successful" marriage and create the kind of life/family/home that Carly will be thrilled to be a part of when she turns 18 (whether they frame it in terms of reuniting with Carly or not). I think that, especially for Cate, the idea of giving up that dream is terrifying, just in terms of her sense of self, and, even if it's subconscious, she thinks/hopes that Carly will be more inclined to want a relationship with her if she has this awesome family (with Tyler and a bunch of full bio siblings) to draw her in. So, for her, not having more kids/not being with Tyler isn't just a different path her life might take; it's the destruction of everything she's ever wanted.

Damn, so true and insightful.