Stress, Depression, Anxiety and other Mental Health-related things

[nokat]

2 hours ago, Spartan Girl said:

I often wonder if I would have made any progress if this pandemic never happened.

It would be one less thing to worry about. I still wear a mask but few people still do.

[Spartan Girl]

Hell, I still clean my hands when we I think I should, something that Mom blew up at me about yesterday because I’m constantly second guessing if I washed my hands before touching my face—or asking my parents if they did. I get why that’s irritating, I know I’m being OCD about it. I guess I’m just irrationally worried I’m going to get some kind of germ that will cause more problems than whatever the hell is going on with me.

But I will try to stop asking my parents if they did after coming inside or handling money or whatever.

[nokat]

3 hours ago, Spartan Girl said:

But I will try to stop asking my parents if they did after coming inside or handling money or whatever.

I could see them getting a bit irritated, but that does not invalidate your fears. They are based in truth but living your life in constant fear is debilitating.

I had to stay at a skilled nursing facility for rehab after my tibia fracture. I was sure I was going to get very sick as there were so many people with horrible coughs, and one person there tested positive for covid. I was washing my hands frequently and using sanitizer but at some point your hands will get raw.

Well, I didn't get sick there or for several days after. It was after seeing my doctor that I caught a cold and had a bad cough for almost two weeks. I was not short of breath or feverish so I didn't worry. Still sucked though.

[shapeshifter]

4 hours ago, Spartan Girl said:

But I will try to stop asking my parents if they did after coming inside or handling money or whatever.

1 hour ago, nokat said:

I could see them getting a bit irritated, but that does not invalidate your fears. They are based in truth but living your life in constant fear is debilitating.

I'm like that too, although I don't have to deal with the same situational dynamics, and I agree that your concern, as @nokat says, is "based in truth," which makes it harder to stop trying to convince them of that truth. 

Many decades ago in my germy, hippie life, I met a young woman my age who, for some reason I cannot recall, said to me: "You're so full of fear that I just want to shake you."
Putting aside that suggesting doing bodily harm to someone is not going to allay their fears, I always find it interesting that about a year later she got cancer and died.
Would she have survived if she had been "fearful" enough to go to a doctor sooner? Maybe not in the 1970s.
Or did she know she was dying and that was driving her message to me? 
IDK.

[Gramto6]

@nokat I know how you felt in the skilled nursing facility. In December and early January I was in one for 15+ days after my back injury. Unfortunately, where I was, Covid was running rampant! They had to devote a whole wing to the Covid patients.  They did test the rest of us every other day to be sure we were OK. I think I had 6-7 tests and always tested negative but I was very cautious about wearing my mask when I walked and using sanitizer/washing my hands a lot. I got out of there w/out getting Covid, but it was a very scary situation.

I can certainly understand your situation @Spartan Girl!

[EtheltoTillie]

8 hours ago, shapeshifter said:

Many decades ago in my germy, hippie life, I met a young woman my age who, for some reason I cannot recall, said to me: "You're so full of fear that I just want to shake you."
Putting aside that suggesting doing bodily harm to someone is not going to allay their fears, I always find it interesting that about a year later she got cancer and died.
Would she have survived if she had been "fearful" enough to go to a doctor sooner? Maybe not in the 1970s.
Or did she know she was dying and that was driving her message to me? 
IDK.

I have a similar story.  It may sound cruel.  Many years ago, in my former editing career, in the 70s, I met a writer who had written some memoirs about his free and easy sexual habits.  He told me I was too uptight, and I said I was fine the way I was.  So he said I was the only person he ever met who didn't produce a sexual feeling in him.  Sadly, he died of AIDS, one of the earliest people to do so.

[Cloud9Shopper]

Starting to do some free consults to find a good coach or counselor. I talked to one today who seemed nice but I can’t afford the $2000 for the package she was offering. I have two consultations booked next week with others who seem more affordable. I ended up breaking down on the call today though because I am so sick of feeling like my life isn’t together at all and I hate feeling behind my family and friends who aren’t experiencing these life challenges and have gotten themselves to a better position. (It’s also been a rough week of work but I’ll take that to the work thread.) 

I’m hoping one of the more affordable options is a good match for me. I want to fix things but unless I get a lottery win, $2,000 paid upfront is not happening right now. 

Edited April 14, 2023 by Cloud9Shopper

[shapeshifter]

51 minutes ago, Cloud9Shopper said:

I’m hoping one of the more affordable options is a good match for me. I want to fix things but unless I get a lottery win, $2,000 paid upfront is not happening right now. 

It sounds like you're doing all the right things.

I know doctors and life planners and shrinks and teachers etc. are all a crap shoot, but usually they all have at least one nugget of wisdom to impart.

I made quite a few bad choices in my crucial years which a life coach would have hopefully at least given me pause about continuing. 
I wound up managing to dig myself out of most of it, but it would have been better to have not wasted energy on so much backtracking. 

[Cloud9Shopper]

I had a free consult with a coach last night who I think I really like. She feels I would benefit from short-term work, about 2-3 months of working together and helping me make a plan to get my life back on track. She can also get me in using the sliding scale the practice she works at offers, which is a big plus. I have a consult with a different coach tonight and plan on taking it but barring being blown away by the other person, I think I will work with the woman I consulted with last night. 

I’m also looking for an attorney to give me advice on whether I should file bankruptcy. I have considered the downsides of that to be sure, but this debt is playing a big part in killing my mental health and I always seem to owe someone else money or end up uninsured and have a health emergency. Being laid off a couple months ago was like a death knell for me and I feel like seeing if I can get the fresh start as opposed to slugging along for 3-5 more years like this. 

[supposebly]

1 hour ago, Cloud9Shopper said:

I’m also looking for an attorney to give me advice on whether I should file bankruptcy.

You might start looking into debt consolidation first. Filing for bankruptcy has quite severe long term consequences for your credit rating. At least from what I know. You said at some point you want to buy one day. Filing for bankruptcy will put that dream into further distance. Things are probably different in the US compared to Canada but a bad credit rating can't be good for getting a mortgage with a decent interest rate if you can't put down a large down payment. 

[Cloud9Shopper]

I am on a debt management program with a nonprofit but when I got laid off I ended up falling behind. I also had to take a personal loan unexpectedly last year when I had to move over Christmas with 30 days notice, and then when I was out of work, I ended up with medical expenses due to being uninsured. Hundreds of dollars gone on doctor’s appointments and medications. I feel crushed and would happily take the hit for a fresh start. 

I am open to exploring options at this point. If an attorney says I shouldn’t do it I will take their word for it, but at least in the US, some people have qualified for mortgages less than five years after bankruptcy. 

[shapeshifter]

6 hours ago, Cloud9Shopper said:

I’m also looking for an attorney to give me advice on whether I should file bankruptcy.

At least 10 years ago my middle daughter (then 29) had a lot of credit card debt.
Her stepmother is an attorney who advised her to just stop paying since she had more than paid the original amount put on the credit cards, and since she had zero savings or property (not even a car) and since she earned very little. She also has student loan debt.
The stepmom lawyer said the debt collectors would stop trying to get money because it was no longer profitable for them to continue to harrange her.
Both my daughter and I stopped getting calls from the debt collectors. 

Edited April 20, 2023 by shapeshifter

[PRgal]

I think my son has an anxiety issue that was triggered by a not-so-fun experience during a March Break music camp. He's 4 1/2, so he doesn't really have the vocabulary to properly express what happened, only that he didn't have fun.  And since then, he's been complaining of tummy aches on and off and cries more often at school (he NEVER cried before that).  His teacher doesn't seem to think he has any issues, but a mother knows.  I'm not sure HOW to even address this to his pediatrician since he can't really tell me why he feels a certain way.  :( 

[ginger90]

1 hour ago, PRgal said:

I think my son has an anxiety issue that was triggered by a not-so-fun experience during a March Break music camp. He's 4 1/2, so he doesn't really have the vocabulary to properly express what happened, only that he didn't have fun.  And since then, he's been complaining of tummy aches on and off and cries more often at school (he NEVER cried before that).  His teacher doesn't seem to think he has any issues, but a mother knows.  I'm not sure HOW to even address this to his pediatrician since he can't really tell me why he feels a certain way.  :( 

I’d probably give the information you have in advance of the appointment, and ask that it is shared with the doctor to read prior to it. This way you’re not explaining what you do know in front of your son. This way his descriptions and answers are his. Hugs to the little guy.

[shapeshifter]

2 hours ago, PRgal said:

I think my son has an anxiety issue that was triggered by a not-so-fun experience during a March Break music camp. He's 4 1/2, so he doesn't really have the vocabulary to properly express what happened, only that he didn't have fun.  And since then, he's been complaining of tummy aches on and off and cries more often at school (he NEVER cried before that).  His teacher doesn't seem to think he has any issues, but a mother knows.  I'm not sure HOW to even address this to his pediatrician since he can't really tell me why he feels a certain way.  :( 

Are there other parents of kids who attended the same camp with whom you can open a dialog? It could just start with something more general, but the one or another may have a clue to what the dynamics of the camp were that may (or may not have) triggered your son.
Or maybe he just doesn't do well with having his routine disrupted?
Or maybe he made a new friend who he now misses?

Edited April 21, 2023 by shapeshifter

[PRgal]

19 minutes ago, shapeshifter said:

Are there other parents of kids who attended the same camp with whom you can open a dialog? It could just start with something more general, but the one or another may have a clue to what the dynamics of the camp were that may (or may not have) triggered your son.
Or maybe he just doesn't do well with having his routine disrupted?
Or maybe he made a new friend who he now misses?

Nope.  We don’t know a soul there and he said he played with another kid for two days and then stopped.  He doesn’t like talking about the camp either.  That whole camp was really disorganized (from no one directing traffic for sign in on the first day to leaving my son to rest on the floor next to winter boots and coats (it was at a music institution and there were no cubbies for coats and boots) when we were called in to pick him up when he wasn’t feeling well…I was sent an anonymous survey shortly afterwards.  You can imagine what I wrote!) and I know it’s not a place I’ll ever send him back to.  Sad, because I have fond memories of music lessons there when I was his age.  

[nokat]

Next month is going to be a big anxiety time for me. I need to find a place to live and I'll be downsizing, so I'm taking as little as I can. I've already been donating books (some of you will know how hard that was 😢) but I have things to sell and decisions to make.

I've been in this house for over two decades and moving to a new city is way more anxiety inducing than it was in my younger years. I need new doctors etc and with my mobility issues it will be way more difficult.

Flying or driving is a decision too. With driving it will take several days but with more freedom. If I fly I'll have to do one hop starting from LAX (which I always dread, just getting there to start with).

I donated my mindfulness book. I need to find ways to calm myself down during the more stressful times.

 

[shapeshifter]

5 minutes ago, nokat said:

Next month is going to be a big anxiety time for me. I need to find a place to live and I'll be downsizing, so I'm taking as little as I can. I've already been donating books (some of you will know how hard that was 😢) but I have things to sell and decisions to make.

I've been in this house for over two decades and moving to a new city is way more anxiety inducing than it was in my younger years. I need new doctors etc and with my mobility issues it will be way more difficult.

Flying or driving is a decision too. With driving it will take several days but with more freedom. If I fly I'll have to do one hop starting from LAX (which I always dread, just getting there to start with).

I donated my mindfulness book. I need to find ways to calm myself down during the more stressful times.

 

I went through similar changes as you 2 years ago.
I'm still kind of dealing with it, but I think partly that's because I moved in the middle of the pandemic, before any vaccines.
Hopefully it will be smoother for you.🤞

 

 

On 4/21/2023 at 4:36 PM, PRgal said:

Sad, because I have fond memories of music lessons there when I was his age.

Maybe in a couple of years try again with a music experience for him.♥️🎼

[PRgal]

40 minutes ago, shapeshifter said:

I went through similar changes as you 2 years ago.
I'm still kind of dealing with it, but I think partly that's because I moved in the middle of the pandemic, before any vaccines.
Hopefully it will be smoother for you.🤞

 

 

Maybe in a couple of years try again with a music experience for him.♥️🎼

He takes piano (at a different institution) and loves it.  He just didn't like camp at that particular place.  I really don't know why and he's probably not going to talk about it. 

[Jaded]

5 hours ago, nokat said:

Next month is going to be a big anxiety time for me. I need to find a place to live and I'll be downsizing, so I'm taking as little as I can. I've already been donating books (some of you will know how hard that was 😢) but I have things to sell and decisions to make.

I've been in this house for over two decades and moving to a new city is way more anxiety inducing than it was in my younger years. I need new doctors etc and with my mobility issues it will be way more difficult.

Flying or driving is a decision too. With driving it will take several days but with more freedom. If I fly I'll have to do one hop starting from LAX (which I always dread, just getting there to start with).

I donated my mindfulness book. I need to find ways to calm myself down during the more stressful times.

 

If you can afford road trip and it wouldn't be too hard on your body it could be fun. I'd rather road trip than fly personally. You could also see about taking a train if there aren't too many layovers to get where you're going. Moving really does suck the big one most of the time especially if your really attached to the home you're moving out of.

[stewedsquash]

wrong thread

 

Edited April 28, 2023 by stewedsquash

[RealHousewife]

Did anyone else experience being happier quitting therapy? I was a bit nervous about my decision, but I believe it was the right one for me. 

I’d definitely go again if I felt I needed to talk to a professional, but I seem happier focusing on the positive, staying busy, and not giving energy to negativity. I’m still against toxic positivity and bottling emotions and trauma, but regularly talking about problems wasn’t for me the way it is for some people. I wonder what the psychology is behind that. 

[PRgal]

The only reason I stopped seeing previous therapists outside of budget was because they sucked.  I only felt better because I didn’t have to see them again.  I’ve been seeing my current therapist for two years and though it’s no longer monthly, but a quarterly check-in, talking with/ranting to someone outside of your friends circle or family is wonderful!

[shapeshifter]

I’m currently down to doing a video appointment every 3 weeks (my co-pay is $17.28). 
Yesterday I did a lot of complaining about the snowballing hopelessness of my condition and situation — wrapping up with recognizing how much better I have it than most people in the world. I felt depressed afterwards. But that was okay, because I got to express it and feel it. 
It was kind of like the wonderful Grief Therapists I had when my parents died. Seemingly the goal is to express that grief, after which one can begin to accept it (and feel better).

[PRgal]

People often ask me why I don't see therapists from my own cultural background since they have the idea that they'd be better able to relate.  Ummm, no.  When you feel you're constantly shamed by people from your background for being "you" then it's NEVER a good idea.  My therapist is not only NOT from my cultural background, but is also a guy.  Just about the only thing he has in common with me is age cohort! 

[nokat]

My favorite therapy was with a small group of women and two therapists (one in training). I do not like having the spotlight on me with one one one therapy, and having a group just felt more comfortable for me. I know that isn't the case with many people. I also wasn't sharing some deep trauma in public, just general concerns.

The last couple of therapists I talked to I did not like at all. It can be hard to find someone you trust.

[RealHousewife]

5 hours ago, PRgal said:

People often ask me why I don't see therapists from my own cultural background since they have the idea that they'd be better able to relate.  Ummm, no.  When you feel you're constantly shamed by people from your background for being "you" then it's NEVER a good idea.  My therapist is not only NOT from my cultural background, but is also a guy.  Just about the only thing he has in common with me is age cohort! 

All that matters is your comfort. I know there are going to be wonderful (and not so wonderful) therapists of all genders. 

The one time I spoke with a male therapist, I felt very uncomfortable. He had an icy demeanor but also seemed to want to direct the session to talking about my sexual history. That's not what I was there for. 

I know that was a bad apple, but I also prefer to speak to a woman because a lot of what I want to address in therapy is stuff that women have more firsthand experience with. Eating disorders, being objectified, certain kinds of trauma, wanting plastic surgery, etc. I don't want to discuss my body parts with a straight man, and I'm also not as comfortable crying in front of them. I know many intelligent men with big hearts who have more empathy than many women, so I don't want to sound like a man basher. It's just a comfort thing. I might be more open to a male therapist in the future if the issue I want to address isn't gender-specific, like the loss of a loved one. 

An interesting video about therapy. 

 

[Cloud9Shopper]

I start my counseling/coaching sessions tomorrow so hopefully I don’t end up with any bad therapist stories! However I did have a free consult with the counselor and I like her a lot so I’m pretty confident in my decision. 

I had a real struggle yesterday. We put one of our dogs down on Friday due to cancer and I have also been coming to terms with the fact that I have a big debt/credit card problem. It’s gone deeper than just needing to budget, unfortunately, so I’m not looking for advice on apps/plans/etc. at the moment. I fell into the trap of wanting to keep up and have nice things, compounded with ending up out of work and being without health insurance a few times over the years, and just being unprepared for “life happens” type of stuff. It sucks…I’m coming to the terms with the fact that I have some signs of a debt addiction. 

My mom is going to see if she can help me a little before I file bankruptcy because she’s worried about me losing my furniture and other possessions (although she didn’t lose anything when she filed back in the 90s) and how I’ll never get a credit card again. But I really do want to file and get a fresh start now that I know what I did wrong. But I’ll see if she can help me first I guess. 

I’ve really blown up my life in a lot of ways between various money and career issues, and facing it now is really messing with how I feel about myself. It’s easy to think now “if only I had done X” or “if only I had l figured Y out sooner”, but at least there is still time to get back on track. 

Edited May 2, 2023 by Cloud9Shopper

[shapeshifter]

52 minutes ago, Cloud9Shopper said:

... I have also been coming to terms with the fact that I have a big debt/credit card problem. It’s gone deeper than just needing to budget, unfortunately, so I’m not looking for advice on apps/plans/etc. at the moment. I fell into the trap of wanting to keep up and have nice things, compounded with ending up out of work and being without health insurance a few times over the years, and just being unprepared for “life happens” type of stuff. It sucks…I’m coming to the terms with the fact that I have some signs of a debt addiction. 

 

...I’ve really blown up my life in a lot of ways between various money and career issues, and facing it now is really messing with how I feel about myself. It’s easy to think now “if only I had done X” or “if only I had l figured Y out sooner”, but at least there is still time to get back on track. 

Your honest self-introspection is inspiring to read. I only wish my middle daughter could come to some similar honesty about her situation. 
🤞?

You are doing everything right.

I too made a lot of choices in my youth and into my 30s that I regret, and that had a permanent impact on my financial security. I have been able to reach a moderate level of comfort by — like you are now — making a habit of financial self discipline. 

Since you don't have dependents (right?) I have hopes that you might truly thrive in the future and even reach your full potential. 

And, honestly, in spite of myself, I'm thriving too. 

Edited May 2, 2023 by shapeshifter

[PRgal]

Everyone makes decisions they regret.  I often look back to high school, wondering if I took A, B and C so I could major in X, Y or Z in university would have made a difference earlier in my career.  Like, if I took more business courses and majored in finance, would I be a better asset for my family?  The answer is I don't know.  I DO know that had I majored in finance, I wouldn't have taken many, or even ANY, East Asian history courses and wouldn't have learned more about my ancestry and get a better understanding on why some Chinese immigrants (and heck, even some people born here...the conditioning and "respect" one is expected to have to elders is very, very real and it takes A LOT of guts to wean oneself out of it...sometimes leading to estrangement) have certain beliefs.  I would have just scoffed them off as being too "old school" without understanding WHY.  I wouldn't have organized a seminar on mental health in the East Asian community back in 2017, either, nor would I have become a philanthropy advisor. 

To make this legit:  Having some issues with my family right now that's causing me stress.  Perhaps I'll take it to the family thread...  

[Cloud9Shopper]

8 hours ago, shapeshifter said:

Your honest self-introspection is inspiring to read. I only wish my middle daughter could come to some similar honesty about her situation. 
🤞?

You are doing everything right.

I too made a lot of choices in my youth and into my 30s that I regret, and that had a permanent impact on my financial security. I have been able to reach a moderate level of comfort by — like you are now — making a habit of financial self discipline. 

Since you don't have dependents (right?) I have hopes that you might truly thrive in the future and even reach your full potential. 

And, honestly, in spite of myself, I'm thriving too. 

Yep no kids just me and a cat. :)

 

[BlueSkies]

On 5/2/2023 at 6:11 PM, PRgal said:

Everyone makes decisions they regret.  I often look back to high school, wondering if I took A, B and C so I could major in X, Y or Z in university would have made a difference earlier in my career.  Like, if I took more business courses and majored in finance, would I be a better asset for my family?  The answer is I don't know.  I DO know that had I majored in finance, I wouldn't have taken many, or even ANY, East Asian history courses and wouldn't have learned more about my ancestry and get a better understanding on why some Chinese immigrants (and heck, even some people born here...the conditioning and "respect" one is expected to have to elders is very, very real and it takes A LOT of guts to wean oneself out of it...sometimes leading to estrangement) have certain beliefs.  I would have just scoffed them off as being too "old school" without understanding WHY.  I wouldn't have organized a seminar on mental health in the East Asian community back in 2017, either, nor would I have become a philanthropy advisor. 

To make this legit:  Having some issues with my family right now that's causing me stress.  Perhaps I'll take it to the family thread...  

My biggest regret in college/university is not starting off at a community college first.  One of the most ignorant thoughts I had in my life was when I graduated high school my thought was community college was for kids that couldn't get into a four year school or had financial limitations.  In reality IMO you get a much value for your dollar at the community college.

 

 

So yeah commuted to university right out of high school from home.  I just barely graduated and made no friends at all and my major isn't relevant to my job.  

 

In retrospect smartest thing I should have done was go to community college for a while figure myself out.... then transfer to a smaller college than the one I went too to finish up 

[PRgal]

4 minutes ago, BlueSkies said:

My biggest regret in college/university is not starting off at a community college first.  One of the most ignorant thoughts I had in my life was when I graduated high school my thought was community college was for kids that couldn't get into a four year school or had financial limitations.  In reality IMO you get a much value for your dollar at the community college.

 

 

So yeah commuted to university right out of high school from home.  I just barely graduated and made no friends at all and my major isn't relevant to my job.  

 

In retrospect smartest thing I should have done was go to community college for a while figure myself out.... then transfer to a smaller college than the one I went too to finish up 

Except it doesn’t work that way when one went to a prep for high school. 

[BlueSkies]

2 minutes ago, PRgal said:

Except it doesn’t work that way when one went to a prep for high school. 

I went to a Catholic prep high school.  

 

I think that's what influenced my poor judgment there 

[Cloud9Shopper]

Had my first counseling/coaching session last night and it went pretty well. The counselor sent me a lengthy-ish assessment to take (90 minutes but you can break it up and come back to it) where you play different “brain games” and then the results cover careers you’d be good at and information about your natural abilities. I’m going to try and work on it over the weekend! 

We also talked about some more of my personal life goals and how I want to have more accountability and stop worst-case scenario/catastrophic thinking and cope better when things don’t go my way or I get frustrated by setbacks. So overall we did more getting to know me type of things but I told her that next session I will be ready to focus and get down to work. I still like the counselor so far, so we’ll see how things go once we’re going over assessment results and she helps me work towards my goals.

 

[nokat]

13 hours ago, BlueSkies said:

My biggest regret in college/university is not starting off at a community college first.

I've taken courses at community colleges after I got my degree. Very affordable and often fewer students per class. It's usually easy to transfer credits if you plan on going to a state college/university but there is this stigma about it which is undeserved.

[BlueSkies]

6 minutes ago, nokat said:

I've taken courses at community colleges after I got my degree. Very affordable and often fewer students per class. It's usually easy to transfer credits if you plan on going to a state college/university but there is this stigma about it which is undeserved.

This was 20 years ago already when I finished high school so maybe some stigma went away? 
 

I know myself in high school I really was a recluse/forgave a social life because I thought it would pay off greatly when I went too college but it never did 

[Browncoat]

1 hour ago, BlueSkies said:

This was 20 years ago already when I finished high school so maybe some stigma went away? 

Still a stigma, but it's getting better.

[PRgal]

51 minutes ago, Browncoat said:

Still a stigma, but it's getting better.

Depends on which high school!  If you ask kids and parents at my alma mater, they’d all say that the stigma has is NOT better.  Parents send their kids to that school for a reason.  

[Browncoat]

21 minutes ago, PRgal said:

Depends on which high school!  If you ask kids and parents at my alma mater, they’d all say that the stigma has is NOT better.  Parents send their kids to that school for a reason.  

It likely depends on the community college, too!

[PRgal]

53 minutes ago, Browncoat said:

It likely depends on the community college, too!

This is where I went to high school.  I don't think parents who send their daughters there are going to be happy about community college!

[BlueSkies]

8 hours ago, PRgal said:

This is where I went to high school.  I don't think parents who send their daughters there are going to be happy about community college!

That was an all girls school it looked like?

 

Yeah where I went it was an all boys school that was proud of their athletics.  Let’s just say I tried out for a team my freshman year and found it a nightmare.  Never to try it again.

 

The school I went didn’t seem as preppy as yours did.  But the whole macho things was rough.  It was a horrid fit for me.

 

I think what it made worse and probably for you as well at that age that was like at least 20 percent of our lives to that point.   Probably about 1/3rd that we can remember.  For example 4 years in high school.  I graduated at age 17.   

[PRgal]

@BlueSkies yep, girls only.  It wasn’t an awful experience for me and I’m looking forward to my class reunion later this month.  I didn’t have the best grades nor was I athletic, but I loved their tradition of daily chapel (sang in the choir) and just the routine of having a routine.  I just wished I took different courses.  I suppose I was going through a rebellious phase of not doing whatever the Asian kids there WERE.  

Edited May 5, 2023 by PRgal

[oliviabenson]

How do you all cope with so much violence/unhappy news in the news? I’m triggered by these awful violent events…

Even taking the subway is a horrible experience now due to all the mentally ill people living on the train…

 

The mass shootings are the worst triggers for me.

[nokat]

6 hours ago, oliviabenson said:

How do you all cope with so much violence/unhappy news in the news? I’m triggered by these awful violent events…

Even taking the subway is a horrible experience now due to all the mentally ill people living on the train…

 

The mass shootings are the worst triggers for me.

News is horrible. There is always another shooting or someone getting stabbed on the Metro. I try to avoid it but it's difficult when you want to read/view about news in general.

I'm not really coping well. I've never had to rely on anti-anxiety meds before the past few years. Things are going backwards as far as human rights go and that terrifies me too. 

I like to re-watch movies or shows that make me happy or are comforting. I like a happy ending, and will watch more "sappy" shows than I used to. I'll re-read books too because I know I'll enjoy them and there won't be any surprises.

[RealHousewife]

8 hours ago, oliviabenson said:

How do you all cope with so much violence/unhappy news in the news? I’m triggered by these awful violent events…

Even taking the subway is a horrible experience now due to all the mentally ill people living on the train…

 

The mass shootings are the worst triggers for me.

I like to keep up with the news and politics, but if I kept up with everything closely I'd go nuts. 

I like to escape by watching things like Bravo or sitcoms. 

[oliviabenson]

To cheer myself up I watched a bit of twilight movie. Lol. Man it’s bad.

[Cloud9Shopper]

I only watch a certain amount of news per day and then turn it off after that, personally. After a while you’ve seen all the stories anyway.

So I’m kind of upset that I took that assessment I mentioned looking forward to, only to find out that my counselor was holding the results and would discuss them with me when I saw her next. Sorry but what? I’m paying enough an hour; I think the results should have been visible to me when I finished so I could at least reflect on them and start researching possibilities. Maybe that’s not a good counseling approach; I’m not the expert so hell if I know.

I ended up deciding not to file bankruptcy for now. I’m staying on my debt management plan for the time being. I told my mom (who filed herself once when I was a kid) that it was going to be five more years until I’m out of this and she said it takes that long for your credit to get better and improve after bankruptcy anyway. Fair point. 

Ultimately, sometimes it’s hard for me to feel like things will ever get better and it depresses me. I’m typing this ready to start crying again because I feel so crushed by the mess I’ve made and how things have turned out. I will be 38 next month and I have to really fight the negative thoughts that it’s too late to make something of my life or for a career change. Like maybe I should just throw up my hands and accept I will be stuck in customer service and won’t get to do anything better. It’s hard to imagine the debt will ever get better too with the way cost of living is going. I mean, it was only last year I made over $40,000 a year for the first time and then I lost my job and I’m still not recovered from the layoff and the move. I would love to get to $50K or $60K but it feels too late for that to happen. Age discrimination starts soon after all.

Sorry to rant. I’m just kind of a mess right now. 

 

[roseha]

I get very upset over violence as well.  In fact, even looking for an escape can be hard because I have always been ultra sensitive to violence in movies.  Way back when I was in college, I came to realize that I couldn't watch anything graphic.  Also there are probably even some movies I saw back then that I wouldn't be comfortable watching now.

I'm okay with watching some classic films or TV, or of new shows, I am usually okay with mysteries of the non-graphic kind.  But sometimes I just find something on Youtube that runs long enough and watch that.  If I really need cheering up over dinner I watch the Silent Comedy Watch Party episodes on Youtube.   I love seeing sometimes obscure and really entertaining silent shorts and watching Ben Model and Steve Massa revealing all kinds of history about them.

[BlueSkies]

I’m from New Jersey yet hardly ever go the Jersey Shore.  I’ve never watched The Sopranos.  I am not a fan of Springsteen, Bon Jovi, or Whitney Houston.  I don’t care for Rutgers.  

 

Long story short I’ve always sort of felt like an alien.