Stress, Depression, Anxiety and other Mental Health-related things

[PRgal]

27 minutes ago, kristen111 said:

NO.  Taking care and chasing your Son is your exercise, lol.  Whether it’s one, two or three kids, it’s tending to them, driving to stores, cleaning, making dinner, etc., etc. .. that’s your exercise.  The only time I had 15 minutes to myself to unwind, meditate, was in the bubble bath at night.  Even then, my Son would bang on the door crying to come in.  Motherhood means no time to yourself, but it’s not a bad thing.  They grow up very fast and are adorable and precious.  😀😊

It's a lot less exercise than what I was doing before.  I still work out about 40-60 minutes, six days a week, but if I just chased my son around (which is really only until the end of the summer.  He'll be around a lot less, with full day school!), it would feel like I wasn't doing anything.  It is all psychological.  

[RealHousewife]

Edit: sorry mods, I forgot to post this in the health forum!

Those of you who've been in therapy . . .

Did you find it helpful? 

I've had trauma throughout my life that I've buried for the most part. I have yet to discuss my worst trauma with my therapist. It's just too twisted. Maybe I'll have the guts someday.

It's felt good getting some other stuff off my chest. I am not comfortable confiding in most people. My parents don't like to hear about how messed up my childhood was. It took them many years to even admit to any mistakes. My sister knows but despite having no reason to be, she has always been jealous of me and never cared about my problems. My therapist is the one person who isn't going to feel personally attacked by my venting, and at this point, probably one of the only people in the whole world who truly knows me. 

Even though it's felt good having someone to vent to and understanding my issues better, there are times I feel worse after therapy. I know it sounds kooky, but I believe in energy and that what you focus on, you bring more of into your life. I am still trying to work on my mental health so I think I will be in therapy for awhile, but sometimes I feel like I might be healthier not discussing certain issues. I'm not talking about my biggest trauma. I believe there is such a thing as toxic positivity and that you shouldn't bury trauma. But I'll notice that if I talk about my body or skin issues, more of them pop up! When I try to focus on things I love about myself, I feel better. 

My therapist is pretty sharp, but she is a licensed practical counselor. I am still not ready to take an antidepressant, but I haven't ruled it out. I did initially want to see someone who could prescribe medication, but I found it very difficult to find a female psychiatrist near me who was taking patients, took insurance, and didn't have bad reviews. (I wasn't looking for perfect reviews, just mostly positive or none at all.)

Edited October 3, 2022 by RealHousewife

[Mindthinkr]

8 minutes ago, RealHousewife said:

Those of you who've been in therapy . .

Give me a day to get the courage and then I’ll DM you. 

[Yeah No]

13 hours ago, RealHousewife said:

My therapist is pretty sharp, but she is a licensed practical counselor. I am still not ready to take an antidepressant, but I haven't ruled it out. I did initially want to see someone who could prescribe medication, but I found it very difficult to find a female psychiatrist near me who was taking patients, took insurance, and didn't have bad reviews. (I wasn't looking for perfect reviews, just mostly positive or none at all.)

Hi RH, I have an MS in Counseling Psychology - Here's my advice. Many psychiatrists don't see people as counseling clients.  They can, and some do, but it's often not their focus.  Plus in general they are known not to make the best counselors.  They are MDs and mostly deal with people as medical patients, focused on their symptoms, not their feelings.  So they are often situated in medical settings dealing with the most extreme mental issues.  Garden variety depressed people (and I have been one before) usually see either Psychologists or Clinical Social Workers specializing in counseling.  These are the people that can best help you work through your feelings and issues.  They usually refer their patients to psychiatrists to get a prescription for an antidepressant or anti-anxiety medication, and you would meet with that psychiatrist maybe a few times a year to discuss your progress on the medication.  

Your counselor - I'm not sure what state you are in so I don't know what the laws are about becoming a licensed professional counselor, but I would look into your counselor's level of education and experience.  Some states don't require as much education to become licensed as others.  I would personally look for a Psychologist or Clinical Social Worker because you can be sure they have an adequate level of professional education.  That doesn't mean your counselor is necessarily a worse counselor, that depends, because a higher level of education doesn't guarantee a better counselor for you.  If you are happy with her and think she is helping you to feel better her education may not be that important.  If you decide you might want medication ask her how she would refer you to a "shrink" to get a prescription.  Anyway, that's my advice.

As for being in therapy, my most helpful experience was with a Clinical Social Worker studying for his PhD.  My least helpful experience was with a Psychiatrist who was determined to tell me I was bipolar.  I already had my Master's and knew damned well he didn't know what he was talking about.  I was clinically depressed at the time, but I was never bipolar.  My best friend is bipolar, I know how to spot the signs and think I am self-aware enough to know I was never bipolar.

[JTMacc99]

13 hours ago, RealHousewife said:

Those of you who've been in therapy . . .

Did you find it helpful? 

Feeling worse after talking about the things that are bothering you is pretty normal. People find ways to cope with feelings, and one way is to just shove them in a compartment and ignore them. When you open up the compartment, you have to deal with it.

Therapy gives you (hopefully) a person who is trained to understand your issues and give you tools to deal with them. This stuff isn't like an infection where you go to the doctor, they give you medicine, and it goes away after treatment. This is just a long journey of working on yourself, and therapy is there to help you along the way.

And as far as medicine goes, your regular doctor can also prescribe them for you. You don't have to explain the reasons you feel panic, anxiety, or depressed to the doctor. You just have to tell them what you are feeling. Medicine can also be a very useful tool to help you deal with things. More than one of my friends have expressed that they can't imagine going back to the way they felt before they started with medicine.

[Yeah No]

1 hour ago, JTMacc99 said:

And as far as medicine goes, your regular doctor can also prescribe them for you. You don't have to explain the reasons you feel panic, anxiety, or depressed to the doctor. You just have to tell them what you are feeling. Medicine can also be a very useful tool to help you deal with things. More than one of my friends have expressed that they can't imagine going back to the way they felt before they started with medicine.

That's true, primary care doctors can prescribe them, but if you want someone that may better understand what your issues are the psychiatrist might be a better choice, especially if you find that you either have sensitivities to a lot of the meds. prescribed or that they aren't helping you.  But as a first time thing, sure, a primary Dr. can handle that, and if it works, all the better.

[stewedsquash]

@Yeah No Your clearly stated information, tempered with a compassionate tone, is what is needed when someone (general someone not specific someone) is looking for help. There are those who just want a talk buddy and/or get fulfilled just asking for talk buddy advice. Then there are ones who will see facts based advice and be motivated to seek proper therapy. It is refreshing to see someone not blow smoke.

[shapeshifter]

15 hours ago, RealHousewife said:

Those of you who've been in therapy . . .
Did you find it helpful? 

Usually helpful, but to varying degrees, depending upon the situation as much as the therapist.
Perhaps better question: Do you find it helpful with this practitioner at this time? 
 

15 hours ago, RealHousewife said:

I've had trauma throughout my life that I've buried for the most part. I have yet to discuss my worst trauma with my therapist. It's just too twisted. Maybe I'll have the guts someday.

Oy. I know. Why do we do that? I guess it's the shame which naturally comes from such experiences. Sometimes I at least talk "around" an experience, if you know what I mean. 
 

15 hours ago, RealHousewife said:

...I'm not talking about my biggest trauma. I believe there is such a thing as toxic positivity and that you shouldn't bury trauma. But I'll notice that if I talk about my body or skin issues, more of them pop up!...

So this reaction should be a safe thing to share in a session. But, yeah, I know it too can be embarrassing/shame-inducing.
Still, it sounds like a basic subject that you can ask your therapist for help with.

 

15 hours ago, RealHousewife said:

I am still not ready to take an antidepressant, but I haven't ruled it out. I did initially want to see someone who could prescribe medication, but I found it very difficult to find a female psychiatrist near me who was taking patients, took insurance, and didn't have bad reviews. (I wasn't looking for perfect reviews, just mostly positive or none at all.)

I had a psychiatrist who also did counseling for a few years. He wasn't perfect (he had narcolepsy), but it worked with my insurance at the time (now insurance companies seem to realize it's not cost-effective to limit therapy and psychiatric sessions) and when he was awake, his advice was spot-on. 
I tried a bunch of different medications, all of which had unpleasant side effects. 
But one of them allowed me to wake up in the morning without anxiety even at a time when I had a notoriously terrible boss. I took it for a couple of years, during which time I sort of "learned" to not be so anxious, if that makes any sense. I eventually went off of it due to the side effects, some of which never went away (tinnitus). 😔

[StatisticalOutlier]

7 hours ago, shapeshifter said:

I had a psychiatrist who also did counseling for a few years. He wasn't perfect (he had narcolepsy) ... and when he was awake, his advice was spot-on. 

Huh???  Did you have to pay for the full 50 minutes even if he was asleep during part of it? 

Silly me--at one point I was thinking about becoming a court reporter, but decided not to.  A couple of years after that, hereditary hearing loss hit, and I was relieved I hadn't gone into court reporting because who wants a hard-of-hearing court reporter?  I don't think I could have kept working by pointing out that the words I do hear I transcribe perfectly.

Surely you were warned about the narcolepsy, and chose to see him anyway.  I'm just picturing some fragile patient thinking they'd bored their therapist to sleep.

9 hours ago, Yeah No said:

a higher level of education doesn't guarantee a better counselor for you. 

Yeah, what people need is a match that works.  Mr. Outlier is an electrical engineer, and I've learned that sometimes an electrician would be a better person to handle the electrical issue in the house.

[supposebly]

10 hours ago, shapeshifter said:

I had a psychiatrist who also did counseling for a few years. He wasn't perfect (he had narcolepsy), but it worked with my insurance at the time (now insurance companies seem to realize it's not cost-effective to limit therapy and psychiatric sessions) and when he was awake, his advice was spot-on. 

I'm sorry I had to laugh at the picture in my imagination of my therapist just nodding off while I would be blabbering on.

To weigh in, I've had good and bad therapists, the bad ones I left very quickly. You know usually by the first or second visit whether this will be a longterm relationship. So does the therapist, really. It's a bit like dating. I've been with my current psychologist for 1 1/2 years now. I feel she has helped me finding ways to better deal with my anxiety, its triggers, and also how to calm myself down without simply suppressing or numbing myself, working myself right into a depressive hole. During very bad times, I considered medication, but I've done that years ago and while it worked ok, I find this better. But I'm in a blessed situation where most of it is covered. 

[shapeshifter]

2 hours ago, StatisticalOutlier said:

Huh???  Did you have to pay for the full 50 minutes even if he was asleep during part of it?

I had to pay a $40 copay. 
Some years later they lowered mental health copays to $20. 
 

2 hours ago, StatisticalOutlier said:

Surely you were warned about the narcolepsy, and chose to see him anyway.

No, he was in complete denial. I would say loudly: You're sleeping. And he would open his eyes and say he wasn't. 
I suppose it actually prevented me from blathering about stuff and having to figure out what was most important to deal with. 
I saw him for 3 years. 

 

2 hours ago, StatisticalOutlier said:

I'm just picturing some fragile patient thinking they'd bored their therapist to sleep.

Heh. Yeah. 

[RealHousewife]

I've been in therapy for awhile now. I actually thought my last session was the best I've had. I hate talking about my worst pain, so I often talk about some of my more trivial problems. We got more into my childhood, and while I cried, it felt good getting it out. 

I spoke with my parents today, and they told me they see no difference in me and to get on an antidepressant and/or see someone else. They say there are patients who go for several sessions and come out like brand-new people. I feel like they don't get the depths of my trauma and still in denial of how messed up a childhood I had. 

I go back and forth on therapy, although I like my therapist. I think she's a good person, cares about me, and gives practical advice. But it doesn't always feel great to talk about your problems, and part of me wonders how much of it is necessary. I know people who've been in therapy for most of their lives, and I don't know if I want that for me. (I am not saying it's not important and healthy for other people.) I feel like I need to discuss my childhood and subsequent results of it, and then try to put it behind me. Call me kooky, but I do believe in positive and negative energy. I think there's such a thing as toxic positivity, and I don't believe in pretending everything's perfect all the time. But I would really like to get to a happier place, and then be done with the therapy for the time being. It is indeed expensive, but it's not really about the cost, but if I want to spend time each week thinking about negative things. 

My parents are part of why I am the way I am. I don't think they're the best judges of mental health issues, as they ignored mine for most of my life. 

However, I do wonder if I should be seeing a doctor. With my insurance, once I meet my deductible, my insurance does cover the sessions. The only thing is that it is tricky for me finding an MD or PhD who's a female within a reasonable distance, takes insurance, and has either positive or no reviews. I do not want to go to anyone with many negative reviews.

[BlueSkies]

Long story short I’ve dealt with social anxiety pretty much my whole life with varying intensity.  Recently diagnosed as being on the autism spectrum.  
 

It makes sense but I wonder how to disclose it too kind of thing 

[PRgal]

I lost the ability to know when I was full for a few weeks after getting COVID.  That led to a bit of weight gain, but I'm fine now.  I went to a doctor who referred me to an eating disorders clinic, but they had zero idea what to do with me since it wasn't quite orthorexia.  I've now retrained my brain and know when to stop.  Thank goodness.  

[Jaded]

On 10/20/2022 at 9:58 PM, RealHousewife said:

I've been in therapy for awhile now. I actually thought my last session was the best I've had. I hate talking about my worst pain, so I often talk about some of my more trivial problems. We got more into my childhood, and while I cried, it felt good getting it out. 

I spoke with my parents today, and they told me they see no difference in me and to get on an antidepressant and/or see someone else. They say there are patients who go for several sessions and come out like brand-new people. I feel like they don't get the depths of my trauma and still in denial of how messed up a childhood I had. 

My parents are part of why I am the way I am. I don't think they're the best judges of mental health issues, as they ignored mine for most of my life. 

However, I do wonder if I should be seeing a doctor. With my insurance, once I meet my deductible, my insurance does cover the sessions. The only thing is that it is tricky for me finding an MD or PhD who's a female within a reasonable distance, takes insurance, and has either positive or no reviews. I do not want to go to anyone with many negative reviews.

Try not to let what your parents say about mental health live rent free in your head. As you mentioned they don't seem to understand and might not ever admit the way they've parented is a big contributor as to why you need it.  The way you described feeling about your therapist and the relationship you have with her is a good thing that a lot of people have trouble finding when looking for one. There's nothing wrong with needing therapy for however long you and your therapist feel you need it. 

If you'd be comfortable going to one there are Mental Health Nurse Practitioners too. Maybe your therapist could refer you to someone. I think there are some PhDs that are allowed to prescribe meds in addition to regular therapy. The MDs usually just prescribe meds.

I usually just read replies to the questions people pose on Quora. There was a lady answering a mental health related question yesterday who made me change that. She was ranting about how long her daughter had been in therapy, that she's still on an antidepressants and that her granddaughter is in therapy too. She was saying a bunch of other eye roll inducing stuff that made it clear she's someone who doesn't understand why people might need mental health meds for their whole lives depending on their diagnosis and/or longer term therapy. I told her that she might be a reason that her daughter and granddaughter still need therapy if she acts towards them the way she was going on about what they do which are obviously things she doesn't approve of. Just reading everything she wrote I could only imagine that she was a tough parent to deal with growing up in more ways than one.

[Bastet]

19 minutes ago, Jaded said:

She was saying a bunch of other eye roll inducing stuff that made it clear she's someone who doesn't understand why people might need mental health meds for their whole lives depending on their diagnosis and/or longer term therapy.

The way mental illness is still so widely regarded differently from other conditions is infuriating.  I bet this woman would have no trouble understanding that once someone is diagnosed with, say, diabetes or high blood pressure, they may need insulin/hypertension medication for life, but the fact someone diagnosed with a mental illness may forever need drug therapy as part of their treatment sends her on a rant.

[shapeshifter]

I was surprised to hear in the latest Hidden Brain podcast, "A Better Way to Worry," at 47:13 ff.: 

Quote

". . . the over prescription of medications, including benzodiazepines, which, over time, we know, can actually increase baseline levels of anxiety. . ."
(Tracy Dennis-Tiwary).

FWIW, Shankar Vedantam did not chuckle with the interviewee of this Hidden Brain podcast as much as he usually does.

[PRgal]

9 hours ago, Bastet said:

The way mental illness is still so widely regarded differently from other conditions is infuriating.  I bet this woman would have no trouble understanding that once someone is diagnosed with, say, diabetes or high blood pressure, they may need insulin/hypertension medication for life, but the fact someone diagnosed with a mental illness may forever need drug therapy as part of their treatment sends her on a rant.

And this depends on culture, too.  For those of us from East Asian communities, particularly the older generations, the belief that mental health issues are the result of a family curse is still pretty rampant.  Most would skirt their issues and go to their doctor for other problems (e.g. a migraine that is likely due to stress or anxiety rather than stress/anxiety itself).  There are more programs for these people now, but still not enough.  There may be tons of East Asian GPs (who speak ancestral languages), but not a lot of psychiatrists.  Even fewer psychotherapists.  Parents tend to sway their kids into other specialties.  Things are changing, though a bit too slowly.  And many programs aren’t doing much to help culture clashes between western born children and their immigrant parents, but instead focusing on immigrants.  

[RealHousewife]

I’m still leery of medication. I have wondered if someone with additional education would be able to help me out better. 

My mom has benefitted a lot from medication, but our situations are different. She’s a cruel person with scary outbursts when she’s not medicated. 

[PRgal]

52 minutes ago, RealHousewife said:

I’m still leery of medication. I have wondered if someone with additional education would be able to help me out better. 

My mom has benefitted a lot from medication, but our situations are different. She’s a cruel person with scary outbursts when she’s not medicated. 

I am too.  I am on anti-convulsants for my epilepsy and am always worried about how other meds can interact (and therefore lowering/changing the effectiveness of what I take).  I'd rather do therapy when it comes to mental health.  Also, some anti-convulsants are also used for certain mental health conditions.

[BlueSkies]

The holidays are sort of approaching.  I'm making separate plans this year.  The family get togethers with the usual dynamics I am too old for this shit.

I found out I had autism in the past year and there is a still a stigma imo to talk about.  Especially with family.

My parents don't want me to talk about it.  I feel they are embarrassed by their child.  Or feel they have to play up to the usual keeping up with the jones and everything is fine, etc....

My other relatives just strike me as snobs to begin with that could care less about my problems.  It's all just one big uncomfortable who has the biggest penis event

[PRgal]

5 minutes ago, BlueSkies said:

The holidays are sort of approaching.  I'm making separate plans this year.  The family get togethers with the usual dynamics I am too old for this shit.

I found out I had autism in the past year and there is a still a stigma imo to talk about.  Especially with family.

My parents don't want me to talk about it.  I feel they are embarrassed by their child.  Or feel they have to play up to the usual keeping up with the jones and everything is fine, etc....

My other relatives just strike me as snobs to begin with that could care less about my problems.  It's all just one big uncomfortable who has the biggest penis event

I think I may be on the spectrum as well.  I know I'm ADHD, but that could be a misdiagnosis.  And I also wonder if I'm the family embarrassment (out of all my cousins, since I'm an only child).  For example, I don't have a career in hedge funds, private equity or other finance-related areas (I have two other cousins who aren't, out of nine first cousins on both sides, but they're in medicine or tech).  I tried to please both my interests and my family by doing event planning at a bank (yes, they have that kind of thing), but I was pressured to leave since it was a one year internship that paid just above minimum wage.  And now that I AM more interested in private equity/VC, I'm being criticized for wanting to focus on women-led businesses.  Can't win.  Ever.

[BlueSkies]

3 minutes ago, PRgal said:

I think I may be on the spectrum as well.  I know I'm ADHD, but that could be a misdiagnosis.  And I also wonder if I'm the family embarrassment (out of all my cousins, since I'm an only child).  For example, I don't have a career in hedge funds, private equity or other finance-related areas (I have two other cousins who aren't, out of nine first cousins on both sides, but they're in medicine or tech).  I tried to please both my interests and my family by doing event planning at a bank (yes, they have that kind of thing), but I was pressured to leave since it was a one year internship that paid just above minimum wage.  And now that I AM more interested in private equity/VC, I'm being criticized for wanting to focus on women-led businesses.  Can't win.  Ever.

Fuck that.

The only thing that conjures in my mind with hedge funds are people scheming up ways to steal people's money while using fancy phrases like derivates, and what not.

You do you and if it's not good enough for other people well fuck them.  But yeah I get it, much easier said than done.  

[PRgal]

22 minutes ago, BlueSkies said:

Fuck that.

The only thing that conjures in my mind with hedge funds are people scheming up ways to steal people's money while using fancy phrases like derivates, and what not.

You do you and if it's not good enough for other people well fuck them.  But yeah I get it, much easier said than done.  

I should also add that my parents sent me to coding (known as "computer camp" back in the late 80s) and math camps, which I hated.  I wanted to go to art or drama camp (I did that too, but only if I ALSO did STEM camps).  They, being immigrant parents, didn't understand the concept of sleep away camp - to them, camp was pitching a tent in the wilderness over a weekend, not cabins and activities over, say, a week or a month - and I had to convince them to send me to music camp.  Wish internet was widely available in the 90s so I could ask to go to a camp held at a boarding school not too far away.  It would have been best of both worlds.  Me being away, but not in the wilderness for a month.  I had a neighbour (also from the same culture) who went to a STEM camp at a university.  Don't know why my parents didn't think of that.  That neighbour is about seven years older (this same girl told me NOT to read Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret or Blubber, because Judy Blume (outside of Fudge books) stuff is for "bad girls."  Maybe Blubber is a bit bad, but Are You There God? is, like a BIBLE for ALL NORTH AMERICAN GIRLS.  I read both, of course).  I will always have both a generational and culture clash with my folks.  If people ask, the answer is NO, my culture is NOT THE SAME AS MY PARENTS'.

[BlueSkies]

2 hours ago, PRgal said:

I should also add that my parents sent me to coding (known as "computer camp" back in the late 80s) and math camps, which I hated.  I wanted to go to art or drama camp (I did that too, but only if I ALSO did STEM camps).  They, being immigrant parents, didn't understand the concept of sleep away camp - to them, camp was pitching a tent in the wilderness over a weekend, not cabins and activities over, say, a week or a month - and I had to convince them to send me to music camp.  Wish internet was widely available in the 90s so I could ask to go to a camp held at a boarding school not too far away.  It would have been best of both worlds.  Me being away, but not in the wilderness for a month.  I had a neighbour (also from the same culture) who went to a STEM camp at a university.  Don't know why my parents didn't think of that.  That neighbour is about seven years older (this same girl told me NOT to read Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret or Blubber, because Judy Blume (outside of Fudge books) stuff is for "bad girls."  Maybe Blubber is a bit bad, but Are You There God? is, like a BIBLE for ALL NORTH AMERICAN GIRLS.  I read both, of course).  I will always have both a generational and culture clash with my folks.  If people ask, the answer is NO, my culture is NOT THE SAME AS MY PARENTS'.

Some of that I relate a little too in my way.  Went I went to pre-school teachers knew something wasn't quite right with me because I was non verbal.  My mom thought this was me being difficult/stubborn when in fact I have a different neurology than other peoples.  But this was the start of me going through life feeling awful about myself.

High school was such a horrible experience for me went I went too college I did not meet one friend or go to one party, I just lived at home.  my gpa was 2.2.  I wanted to drop out but my parents would always talk me out of it.  But the good thing about college was I did find out about Asperger's then.  I read this stuff and thought it really added up with me but my parents quickly shot it down.  

It was not until recently in my life a therapist I go to for social anxiety finally asked me if I ever had an autism evaluation done which finally convinced me I had to do it.  Even then it took for me to have a meltdown in front of them screaming with a knife for them too I think take this stuff serious with me.  It's still a battle.

In short my parents actually did have I think their best intentions for me but didnt really realize what they were dealing with with me either.  I'm thinking maybe it's the same thing with your folks?  They actually want the best for you but don't it sound like take into account your point of view.

Shrugs shoulders, it's all difficult 

[PRgal]

3 hours ago, BlueSkies said:

Some of that I relate a little too in my way.  Went I went to pre-school teachers knew something wasn't quite right with me because I was non verbal.  My mom thought this was me being difficult/stubborn when in fact I have a different neurology than other peoples.  But this was the start of me going through life feeling awful about myself.

High school was such a horrible experience for me went I went too college I did not meet one friend or go to one party, I just lived at home.  my gpa was 2.2.  I wanted to drop out but my parents would always talk me out of it.  But the good thing about college was I did find out about Asperger's then.  I read this stuff and thought it really added up with me but my parents quickly shot it down.  

It was not until recently in my life a therapist I go to for social anxiety finally asked me if I ever had an autism evaluation done which finally convinced me I had to do it.  Even then it took for me to have a meltdown in front of them screaming with a knife for them too I think take this stuff serious with me.  It's still a battle.

In short my parents actually did have I think their best intentions for me but didnt really realize what they were dealing with with me either.  I'm thinking maybe it's the same thing with your folks?  They actually want the best for you but don't it sound like take into account your point of view.

Shrugs shoulders, it's all difficult 

Sounds like me.  I was "lucky" to get into a prep school (which I wanted to go to, anyway.  I would have been so lost and marked at a large public high school) though, like you, I didn't really party/have friends.  Part of it was conditioning from my grandmother.  I was invited to people's houses when I first started, but turned invitations down because I didn't want my grandma to think I was turning into a "bad girl."  She conditioned me to believe that Canadian (read: "white") girls were "bad" and that they'll brainwash me into kissing boys, etc, etc...The Asian girls in my class mostly ignored me when I first started (many were either international or just didn't like me for some reason).  Pretty soon, they stopped inviting me over.  I was too scared to say yes.  I think partially, I really DID believe that I'd enter a world of booze and drugs.  I found my own life, listening to country music and musical theatre...but it was lonely.  As for being on spectrum, well, it's not like they flagged girls back then.  Especially those who were verbal and did reasonably okay in school. 

Edited October 30, 2022 by PRgal

[BlueSkies]

55 minutes ago, PRgal said:

Sounds like me.  I was "lucky" to get into a prep school (which I wanted to go to, anyway.  I would have been so lost and marked at a large public high school) though, like you, I didn't really party/have friends.  Part of it was conditioning from my grandmother.  I was invited to people's houses when I first started, but turned invitations down because I didn't want my grandma to think I was turning into a "bad girl."  She conditioned me to believe that Canadian (read: "white") girls were "bad" and that they'll brainwash me into kissing boys, etc, etc...The Asian girls in my class mostly ignored me when I first started (many were either international or just didn't like me for some reason).  Pretty soon, they stopped inviting me over.  I was too scared to say yes.  I think partially, I really DID believe that I'd enter a world of booze and drugs.  I found my own life, listening to country music and musical theatre...but it was lonely.  As for being on spectrum, well, it's not like they flagged girls back then.  Especially those who were verbal and did reasonably okay in school. 

Well its diagnosed 4 times more in boys than girls.

My theory is girls can mirror behavior of Neurotypicals better than boys so it might be there it's just more subtle.  That's kinda the case with me, I was just first diagnosed as having social anxiety when there were other stuff at play.  If you did the whole detailed autism check with me yeah it'd come out I'm a flaming Aspie at heart 😀

Edited October 30, 2022 by BlueSkies

[PRgal]

I'm not sure if this should be here or over at the family thread:  well, on Halloween, my dad gave me a ride to my friend's house so my son could trick or treat (we live in a condo).  On our way, my dad lectured me on why my son shouldn't eat any of the candy he got (COVID!!!).  I was like NO WAY, he's eating it and that's final!  I also told him that we were taking him to family/kid-friendly holiday brunch (my parents both have a fear of buffets, because, again, COVID).  I want my son to be as normal as possible after two plus years of craziness.  It's driven me up the wall and being able to do these things makes me feel so good.  

And yes, my son had an AMAZING time on Halloween!!!  We still have tons of treats left over (since he's only allowed one a day).

[HealthWise]

On 9/23/2017 at 9:57 AM, PRgal said:

Has anyone been to a therapist/psychiatrist/mental health professional who used more alternative methods?  Or even one with a therapy dog?  I was referred to one once.  Only they never told me she had a therapy dog.  I don't like dogs and asked if she could leave him in another room.  She said that the dog is ALWAYS with her when she is seeing a client.  Well, why didn't they tell me? 

I think you're wise to consider alternative treatments for anxiety (or stress, or depression, all of which are related). Medications such as selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) are the most commonly prescribed FDA-approved antidepressants. They are of benefit for many people, but for many, many people they come with adverse side efficts - sometimes severely adverse.

There are several natural supplements that many people claim are helpful in treating stress and anxiety. Ashwagandha and Rhodiola Rosea are two examples. Both of these plant roots are considered to be adaptogens — plants that have a natural ability to minimize the symptoms of stress in people. As always, do your own thorough, proper research into any alternative treatments.

[Cloud9Shopper]

I feel like I need to go to a therapist. I’ve been struggling with inadequacy in comparing myself to others, stress and anxiety with money, and just stress in general. (I quit ice skating several months ago because my coach was leaving and I didn’t want to find a new one because of my anxiety and uncertainty. I’m stressed out by church choir and now want to quit that even though this is probably a short-term situation.) I just wish it weren’t so expensive in this country. I am going to try an EAP first since we get three free sessions through that. 

[shapeshifter]

1 hour ago, Cloud9Shopper said:

I feel like I need to go to a therapist. I’ve been struggling with inadequacy in comparing myself to others, stress and anxiety with money, and just stress in general. (I quit ice skating several months ago because my coach was leaving and I didn’t want to find a new one because of my anxiety and uncertainty. I’m stressed out by church choir and now want to quit that even though this is probably a short-term situation.) I just wish it weren’t so expensive in this country. I am going to try an EAP first since we get three free sessions through that. 

Most insurances have started covering mental health counseling appointments. Maybe check yours?

[Jaded]

2 hours ago, shapeshifter said:

Most insurances have started covering mental health counseling appointments. Maybe check yours?

Insurance may cover the appointments but it's hard to find mental health providers that will take it. A lot of them want to be paid outright with no insurance involved. It's a big reason why community mental health centers are so overloaded. They don't seem to mind taking whatever insurance will pay them and they usually charge on a sliding scale for people who aren't insured. Sometimes the United Way can refer people to other places besides the local mental health centers that don't charge as much too.

[RealHousewife]

Unfortunately a lot of mental health professionals are cash only. 

[shapeshifter]

55 minutes ago, Jaded said:

Insurance may cover the appointments but it's hard to find mental health providers that will take it. A lot of them want to be paid outright with no insurance involved. It's a big reason why community mental health centers are so overloaded. They don't seem to mind taking whatever insurance will pay them and they usually charge on a sliding scale for people who aren't insured. Sometimes the United Way can refer people to other places besides the local mental health centers that don't charge as much too.

1 minute ago, RealHousewife said:

Unfortunately a lot of mental health professionals are cash only. 

Maybe that's a regional thing?

[Cloud9Shopper]

17 hours ago, shapeshifter said:

Most insurances have started covering mental health counseling appointments. Maybe check yours?

There is a number on my insurance card to call for mental health coverage.

I have resisted therapy in the past (I always felt like I was forced to go and resented it; I never wanted to do it for me and it was always on someone else’s suggestions), but I’ve finally gotten to a point where I settled into what should be a good career path for me (which was a major concern for a while)…and the rest of my life is kind of a mess. I get angry (most of my easy anger is in online arguments; I can temper it pretty well in person but sometimes I snap) and worried kind of easily in addition to the money issues, overall stress, and feelings of failing. Like earlier this week I told my mom that no moving company has gotten back to me with a quote and it’s really upsetting me, I’m panicking, etc. that my move won’t go right. I can never just relax because it feels like everything will go wrong (catastrophizing). 

Edited November 23, 2022 by Cloud9Shopper

[shapeshifter]

4 minutes ago, Cloud9Shopper said:

There is a number on my insurance card to call for mental health coverage.

I have resisted therapy in the past (I always felt like I was forced to go and resented it; I never wanted to do it for me and it was always on someone else’s suggestions), but I’ve finally gotten to a point where I settled into what should be a good career path for me (which was a major concern for a while)…and the rest of my life is kind of a mess. I get angry (most of my easy anger is in online arguments; I can temper it pretty well in person but sometimes I snap) and worried kind of easily in addition to the money issues, overall stress, and feelings of failing. Like earlier this week I told my mom that no moving company has gotten back to me with a quote and it’s really upsetting me, I’m panicking, etc. that my move won’t go right. I can never just relax because it feels like everything will go wrong (catastrophizing). 

I've done therapy off and on most of my adult life. When I was a kid I looked forward to being an adult so I could have therapy. Mental health was not something my parents talked about. My sister has had eating disorders since she was 10 (she's now in her 70s) and was treated with a gift of an untrained puppy. To be fair, that was probably recommended practice at the time. 

Which leads to my main point: 
Mental health counseling has improved a lot in recent years. 
It used to be you'd have to try a bunch of 'em to find one who was worth it. 
Now they're all skilled in more practical approaches. 
I think this is in part because insurance companies are covering the sessions, and they want to see results.

[RealHousewife]

On 11/22/2022 at 10:18 PM, shapeshifter said:

Maybe that's a regional thing?

It might be. I often feel worse after therapy. I had gone to a therapist years ago, and I felt better about my life after seeing her. I don't know if it's a combination of not getting as deep into trauma, her approach, my current circumstances or a combination. I felt like she tried to get me to see the bright side of things more. She wasn't a doctor either, but a LPC. 

I think my new therapist is a good person, gives practical advice, and I feel comfortable with her. But I've noticed she seems to want me to really think about the depths of how sad some of my life has been, and that is hard on me. Maybe eventually I'll be better off talking about everything and crying. But sometimes I feel like trying to repress was doing me better. I also feel like sometimes I'm a better cheerleader for myself. 

For example, one thing that I struggle with is the fact I never got help for my anxiety as a child. I missed out on SO much. I missed out on making friends, activities, dating, memories, everything. I spent a lot of my life alone just daydreaming. I was a bright kid who excelled in school-high grades and test scores. Once my anxiety started to take over, I did okay, but I didn't reach my potential nor did much with my life. I just tried to get by. 

I've told myself missing out on so much in my younger years and not being able to make friends during high school and college can motivate me to get as much into life now. I've told myself that while I don't have as many friends as I'd like, I'll make a point to appreciate the ones I've got while I try to make more. I've seen a lot of people just throw their friends away as they get older and busy with husbands/kids. I've told myself all my self-esteem issues with everything have prevented me from getting with jerk guys. Hopefully I'll find someone who's sweet, trustworthy, and not a bad boy. 

One thing that's really hurt is dealing with the emotional impact of physical scars. My primary care doctor said therapy will help me more than anything for my skin. But I really think money/time spent in therapy could be spent going to dermatologists. 

Even though I have mixed thoughts about therapy, I still believe it's healthy to talk. My entire family dismisses my pain, and that causes me even more pain. I feel like I'd have to do something crazy for them to care. When I was younger and had anorexia, not gonna lie, it felt good that for once they noticed I was struggling. They're a big part of my trauma, but I still want them to care. I don't have much other family. 

I'd vent more to friends, but I don't want to be a draining friend. I also don't want to necessarily air family business, my most embarrassing issues, or discuss abuse. Honestly, I still haven't gone to the darkest part of my childhood. It instantly makes me cry. It's pretty bad. 

I wish I could find a female doctor, but does anyone recommend just seeing a different licensed practical counselor? Maybe I can find someone similar to my old therapist. Does anyone here not believe in therapy? 

What made the most powerful difference in my life (maybe even saved my life), was the book The Secret. I know some people find it kooky new age nonsense, but it touched on being positive in a way beyond putting a smile on yourself when you're dying inside. When you take more responsibility for your happiness and when you think anything you want is possible, you feel like you want to make more of an effort and really make the most of life. 

A part of me wonders if I should break up with my therapist and try to be more positive.    When you deal with negative news, sad movies, sad music, depressed people in your life, it is easy to get into a depression, especially during a pandemic. But I do feel like if I try to make peace with my past, make peace with the fact that my life hasn't been perfect (who's is?), but try to be positive, that I might be better off than I am pouring my heart out for an hour a week and leaving sad. That time might be better off spent reading or working out. I just don't know. I am scared about what I'll do if I don't feel better and have no one to talk to. :(

[shapeshifter]

@RealHousewife, maybe you can tell your current therapist that you just don't want to focus on negative stuff during your appointments? At least, not for now.

And maybe rather than just stopping, you can spread the appointments out further? 

[RealHousewife]

24 minutes ago, shapeshifter said:

@RealHousewife, maybe you can tell your current therapist that you just don't want to focus on negative stuff during your appointments? At least, not for now.

And maybe rather than just stopping, you can spread the appointments out further? 

Good suggestions, thank you. 

I've heard mixed things. I asked her before if she sees her patients weekly, and she said yes. I think I asked her that when there was a schedule conflict. I was under the impression in order for her to keep her schedule booked, she saw everyone weekly. Are there many folks who go in biweekly or just monthly? I feel like I'd have more to tell her that way too. Sometimes I go in and just say, well, been another week. 

[supposebly]

I only meet my therapist every 3 weeks. I wonder if yours senses that you haven't yet talked about your big one and that's why the focus is still on the negative?

I spend more time on practical aspects on dealing with and reducing my anxiety these days after we talked about a lot of my childhood issues and growing up.

I have no advice but spreading out seems a good idea to me.

[shapeshifter]

8 hours ago, RealHousewife said:

Are there many folks who go in biweekly or just monthly?

36 minutes ago, supposebly said:

I only meet my therapist every 3 weeks.

I started with my current therapist a year ago doing weekly, and then switched to every other week. 
I was thinking of switching to monthly, but my daughter (who has her own therapist) suggested at least first going to every 3 weeks, and that makes sense to me.

[supposebly]

7 hours ago, shapeshifter said:

but my daughter (who has her own therapist) suggested at least first going to every 3 weeks

That's what my therapist suggested after a while. Just for a frame of reference, I've been with my current one for a bit over 1 1/2 years. We met biweekly originally, but she lets me decide what I think I need. She's not above suggesting more often if she thinks necessary, but she usually lets me decide. I've only asked for an extra session once during a particularly rough time. I tend to look forward to our meetings, so not wanting to meet her would feel like a warning sign that either the approach or the person isn't ideal. Mine is more focussed on using Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. I've been self-reflective for most of my life, so I wanted a more practical approach. Still, occasionally new things come up or reinterpretations of past events.

[shapeshifter]

22 minutes ago, supposebly said:

That's what my therapist suggested after a while. Just for a frame of reference, I've been with my current one for a bit over 1 1/2 years. We met biweekly originally, but she lets me decide what I think I need. She's not above suggesting more often if she thinks necessary, but she usually lets me decide. I've only asked for an extra session once during a particularly rough time. I tend to look forward to our meetings, so not wanting to meet her would feel like a warning sign that either the approach or the person isn't ideal. Mine is more focussed on using Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. I've been self-reflective for most of my life, so I wanted a more practical approach. Still, occasionally new things come up or reinterpretations of past events.

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy has made a huge positive change in therapy outcomes in general!

[Jaded]

Someone on Quora made this list describing different types of therapist behaviors. I thought some might find it interesting over here. It's really long so I'm going to spoiler tag it.
 

Spoiler

The parrot - this therapist repeats everything you say but doesn’t really probe anywhere and just sits there repeating and nodding to make you feel “heard”. You go nowhere with them because you don’t gain any insight and are never pushed or guided anywhere.

The oppositional therapist - This one feels offended when you bring your emotions or frustrations to them. They resist any form of attachment and tell you how things are going to be done. They also blame you when the relationship doesn’t work out. An example I’ve had: “Overcoming anxiety is about learning you cannot control everything. I will not be taking a few minutes to plan our next session with you even if you say it helps your anxiety during the week. You can’t control the future.”

The life coach therapist - This is the one that seems like they have your best interests at heart so they start telling you how to live your life, who you should spend your time with and who you should absolutely cut out of your life. They may even try to tell you exactly how to do it. They aren’t there for insight into your own problems, they want to control the external influences that are causing you problems because it’s “helpful”

The bored therapist - This one literally makes you feel like you aren’t worth being there unless you have something “interesting” going on in your life. If you come to session and don’t know what to talk about, they might sigh, roll their eyes, and maybe even kick you out of a session. They make you feel guilty for not having worthy content for their time

The oversharer - This should be obvious. If your therapist brings their kids, their spouse, their friends, experiences, hobbies, interests, other clients, etc. into your session, you are paying for a session that isn’t focused on you! I’m not saying a therapist can’t try to make a judgement call about how a similar experience they went through might be helpful to certain clients, but I’ve had a therapist get emotional and withdrawn when she brought up her trauma that was similar to mine and all of a sudden I felt like it was her session, not mine. She self-triggered her own pain and I was lost in the rest of the session.

Poor boundaries - Boundaries in therapy are the therapist’s responsibility, not the client’s but it’s hard when strict boundaries make you feel safe and the therapist falls lax. This one might be able to be overcome. I had a therapist I liked and one day I just had to be honest. “I would love if all of our sessions could be consistent because it makes me feel safe in knowing the natural beginning, deep middle, and lighter ending cycle. When we have 55 minutes one week and 65 another and 85 another followed by 60 again, I feel confused. Make them all 85 if you want but please tell me so I know what to expect.” It was a healthy conversation and they never exceeded 55 again.

[BlueSkies]

 

It keeps getting harder and harder talking with my father.  He does not respect or believe in any ideas that come out of my mouth.  

 

It is hard enough to get through a working day with autism and social anxiety.  Then I get home and listen to my dad yap on about God knows what.  He does not talk to anyone all day until get home.

 

 

Honestly, this is day I question why I keep going on.  I feel severely drained 

Edited December 23, 2022 by BlueSkies

[supposebly]

9 minutes ago, BlueSkies said:

Honestly, this is day I question why I keep going on.  I feel severely drained 

This time of the year, I always make small plans for myself that don't include other people. That's the only way I can tolerate the holidays. For me, it's a short walk every other day. Swimming. Start a book. A favourite episode of a TV show I haven't seen in a while.

[shapeshifter]

7 minutes ago, supposebly said:

This time of the year, I always make small plans for myself that don't include other people. That's the only way I can tolerate the holidays. For me, it's a short walk every other day. Swimming. Start a book. A favourite episode of a TV show I haven't seen in a while.

Those all sound good to me.

Where do you swim?

[supposebly]

I used to at the YWCA but they closed their pool this fall. We have public indoor and outdoor pools in my city. And sometimes on campus. But those hours rarely work for me. I don't like swimming during the work day.

[Cloud9Shopper]

Being unemployed has really done a number on my mental health…it’s now been about seven weeks since I lost my job because of a layoff. Some of it is comparing myself (my family and friends are all working; why did it go right for them and not for me?), some of it is from getting rejections, especially not getting a remote job, and some can be how people seem to just dismiss me. A friend of mine has basically been blowing me off for weeks but is still socializing with others and catching up on TV, and I get the impression she just doesn’t want to hear it and is claiming “too tired from work” to get out of talking to me. It makes me feel worse and feel vengeful…like “next time she needs a friend I’ll turn my back on her” kind of retaliation feelings. The whole experience makes me feel worthless, like I don’t deserve to work or have income for whatever reason and everyone else seems to have done something “right” or “won” since they’re working.

I also get picked on in other online spaces and excluded a lot, so that hurts too. People trolling my post history and saying I say something in “every post” when that’s not true, get told to go to therapy over really petty things, “you must be fun at parties” type of stuff. I basically deal with it by deciding I don’t care what online strangers think but it does still hurt to see everyone else forming online friendships in fandom and getting close while I’m left alone. I even stopped listening to a fandom podcast because I basically lost interest and felt left out of the inner circle. I have quit/lost interest in a lot of things recently even before my layoff. I’ve quit multiple volunteer gigs, figure skating, etc. because I just don’t enjoy putting in the work. 

There are a few things I have not quit at least. I still write fanfic when I have time. I bake on Friday nights. I do enjoy volunteering at my church and though I considered quitting choir, I decided to stay when the other ladies actually noticed my absence at a practice and said they missed me. It made me see I was valued and at least some people wanted me around. I also manage by seeing my mom twice a week. But being inside my own head and questioning my worthiness sucks a lot. I want to get back to work so it stops. 

Edited January 22, 2023 by Cloud9Shopper

[stewedsquash]

What you are feeling is a normal reaction to your ongoing job stress and I hope tmrw when you call the rep that your benefits start coming in. 

Just looking in, from another perspective, do you feel as if you might be growing/changing in another direction and that is why you are dissatisfied with a lot of things you found pleasurable in the past? You have a very good “pivot” trait when you talk about jobs/hobbies. I hope you find a balance between the legitimate stress thoughts versus hey I can do this instead that works.

No snark, since you are adept at online fan stuff are you able to start your own thing? (I am clueless about it but there was a Snarkfest thing I was asked to join years ago  by a fellow poster that had twop posters in it and it worked…until it didn’t). 

Last random unasked for team cloud response: your friend sucks.