Transitions: Major Life Upheavals Ahead

[NutMeg]

This is for sharing our journeys through transitions of all kinds. Everything that entails life changes and adapting to new circumstances (and hopefully, striving at the end of the process). Welcome to my fellow posters who face or are in the midst of transitions, big and small, and thank you all for making this Everything Else thread so great). 

[NutMeg]

It seems this works (first time I ever stated a thread). So I'll start.I  have lived abroad for 20 years now, and in a few month time I'll be moving back "home". Except that home has changed so much since I lived there last that I am scared - and also exhilarated, because each time I go back, I love it more and more, but maybe it's because I increasingly see it from a visitor's viewpoint. But progressively, 'home" really has been where I've lived, and I feel I'm very much stepping into the unknown here. It's also the first time since I moved from high school to university that I'll make such a big move solo. And I'm in turn thrilled and scared, hopeful and not, seeing my future self thriving or curling down in a ball of misery. So, no idea how it'll go, but willing to hear how other posters navigated their tough spots. For inspiration. And maybe advice. But mostly, support and sympathy.   

But that's just me. A lot of us are going through transitions of very different kinds, and I'd like this thread to be a place where we can share, vent, get heard and gain the impetus to get unstuck.         

[riley702]

Maybe you can look at it as another new land, instead of putting the burden of "home" on it?

[MrSmith]

@NutMeg I think @riley702 has good advice there. The one thing that my father says that has really stuck with me is "You can never go home." He most often says that when looking at pictures of (or visiting) places he lived when he was younger and comparing how they are now to how they were then. I've found his adage to be pretty true. So, I think you should think less of it as a previous home and more as a new home that you get to explore for the first time. After all, if you've been gone 20 years or more, it's a whole new place that just looks somewhat familiar. I know if I moved back to a place I lived (and remembered well) and thought of it as "previously home" instead of "new home waiting to be discovered", then I would just end up bitterly disappointed at the changes.

[riley702]

I thought it was "Home is the place that when you go there, they have to take you in." LOL. I'm having some transition pains of my own, having moved in with my brother and his wife. They are uber-organized, and I've always been a bit of a slob. And when I worked this weekend, I'd come home to find shit crammed in everywhere, and not where I would have put it. When I querously said I couldn't find anything, I got a sharp reminder that I should be more grateful at all the work she was doing and not be cranky. *sigh* We did then have a good convo about how I have never lived with anyone my whole adult life (I'm 56) and I'm sick (sleeping more, being more forgetful) and this is hard for me, too. We both got teary and promised to try to not be cranky with each other, but to apologize when we inevitably do. We are going to have a communication notepad where I can ask if I forget where things are, and going forward, she can make notes about stuff she's moved, so I don't have to rely on my spotty memory. 

[theredhead77]

@riley702 I'm glad you two were able to have a good chat. 
@NutMeg I agree with others, don't think of it as "home", think of it as your next adventure. Areas change so much in such a short amount of time these days. I live 10 miles from where I grew up and return to my childhood neighborhoods on a regular basis to meet my parents. Landmarks are gone, random stop lights pop up (blew through one last week, luckily it was late and no cars were around). It's not home, anymore.

[NutMeg]

15 hours ago, riley702 said:

Maybe you can look at it as another new land, instead of putting the burden of "home" on it?

This is a great suggestion. I love the idea of reframing how I look at it, I feel it helpful already - thank you very, very much. And thank you to you all who chimed in too with thoughtful insights. 

5 hours ago, riley702 said:

I'm having some transition pains of my own, having moved in with my brother and his wife. They are uber-organized, and I've always been a bit of a slob. And when I worked this weekend, I'd come home to find shit crammed in everywhere, and not where I would have put it. When I querously said I couldn't find anything, I got a sharp reminder that I should be more grateful at all the work she was doing and not be cranky. *sigh* We did then have a good convo about how I have never lived with anyone my whole adult life (I'm 56) and I'm sick (sleeping more, being more forgetful) and this is hard for me, too. We both got teary and promised to try to not be cranky with each other, but to apologize when we inevitably do. We are going to have a communication notepad where I can ask if I forget where things are, and going forward, she can make notes about stuff she's moved, so I don't have to rely on my spotty memory. 

It looks that both you and your sister in law have your hearts in the right place, agree on what's really important and are working to find ways to untie the inevitable knots of contention which, though relatively minor, could become a major issue if you hadn't both proactively decided to not let them fester. Great job, you two!!!

It's not easy adjusting to living with people, even when you love them dearly!   

[DeLurker]

Transitions, whether the result of good things, bad things or just the passing of time are often a strange mish-mash of good and bad.

My transition was the result of a bad thing and it was forced upon me.  My future in every way became uncertain and any ability to plan for that uncertain future was not within my ability.

I was forced to live in the moment and focus only on one thing at a time (literally).  Not an ideal situation so I was unwillingly forced to learn to measure my progress in less defined ways.  There was slow progress, often one step forward/two steps back - but as long as I was moving in the overall right direction, I felt ok.

[riley702]

Sounds traumatic!

[JTMacc99]

11 minutes ago, DeLurker said:

There was slow progress, often one step forward/two steps back - but as long as I was moving in the overall right direction, I felt ok.

Change often works in a spiral. Things move forward and then they swing back. As long as it continues to climb up towards the end goals, it's okay.

 

By the way, this is advice given to me about my own situation. I said it felt like I was Charlie Brown and the football keeps getting pulled away from me. I just had to realize that change wasn't as simple as just you want it, therefore it happens.

Edited May 11, 2017 by JTMacc99

[ratgirlagogo]

"Home is the place where, when you have to go there, they have to take you in."

From Robert Frost's The Death of the Hired Man : https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems-and-poets/poems/detail/44261

Edited May 12, 2017 by ratgirlagogo

[NutMeg]

I'm starting to think I set myself too many ambitious goals in the short term: moving (not a goal, but an obligation), finding a job "outside" (ideally before move), meaning not the freelance work I've been doing for more than 10 years now, etc. It's been weeks and I'm still struggling with updating my CV. So, maybe I should go easy on myself, after all I could continue to freelance for a while, until I'm settled, rent for a while, and take my time looking for a fulfilling job and the salary that allows me to buy my own place. These past few days, I've felt less excited about the future than mournful about what I'll say goodbye to.

Since very young, I've always liked writing, and I make time to continue doing so. (Please don't judge my prose here, I mostly write in French, and it's much less pedestrian that what I could ever write in English.) When I lack inspiration, I randomly read a book for screenwriters (I don't write screenplays, but I like the writing exercises suggested there and they work for other kinds of writing too). Today I happened upon the suggestion to try something you had never done, then write about the experience, the people, the dynamics and power plays, then shift things around, introduce new characters, bad and/or good, etc. And that got me thinking that this writing exercise works for life too. I think figuring new experiences or even new routines could be pretty powerful. For instance, after I move this summer, I'm going to make it a point to visit at least one art exhibition or museum a week/month? (I love art, and I'm always happy when I come upon a gallery and discover new artists that I find exciting, but in my daily life I don't make it a point to actively seek exhibitions ). I'm also planning to regularly invite friends over, it's such a thrill for me to have close friends come to my home. Or even people I'd like to know better. I used to have these gatherings, where I had a dozen people from different backgrounds and experiences, and it was amazing to see how the connections worked (who knew my advertising exec next door neighbour would find he had so much in common with a friend of a friend high school teacher who later became a close friend of mine!?). One friend told me these gatherings of mine were more a "salon" than parties, and I decided to take it as a compliment :) because they were so much fun for me, first greeting people, moving from group to group, and once people had gelled, just relaxing and going with the flow, enjoying the good vibesand the conversation. Another goal I have is to start taking Italian classes (I speak Italian casually, but I'd like to move to the next level and hopefully become fully proficient).     

[JTMacc99]

19 minutes ago, NutMeg said:

So, maybe I should go easy on myself

It's a good thought. With so much change in play, if some of it can be spread out, it may be good for you.

[Spunkygal]

On May 11, 2017 at 10:51 AM, DeLurker said:

Transitions, whether the result of good things, bad things or just the passing of time are often a strange mish-mash of good and bad.

My transition was the result of a bad thing and it was forced upon me.  My future in every way became uncertain and any ability to plan for that uncertain future was not within my ability.

I was forced to live in the moment and focus only on one thing at a time (literally).  Not an ideal situation so I was unwillingly forced to learn to measure my progress in less defined ways.  There was slow progress, often one step forward/two steps back - but as long as I was moving in the overall right direction, I felt ok.

@DeLurker, will you allow me as a total stranger to say how much I admire you? I've read what you've shared with us over time and you dug deep to find survival, to a deep enough place that I don't know I could find, and you not only survived, but you came out pretty freaking awesome. I hope you can now take the time to give yourself some credit for your strength. And you've offered many wise words for us when such input was requested. They say there's a reason for everything and maybe you sharing your voice is your gift. I'm almost embarrassed to post this but now that I'm old, I just like telling other ladies how strong and awesome they are. No one tells us this enough. I will be 60 on Mother's Day and never had children. But I do have many children in my life and I try to give emotional and practical support to them. And I think most of them listen!

[Maharincess]

@Spunkygal, I wish I could like that post 1000 million times. I wholeheartedly agree. @DeLurker and I have spoken privately and I admire her immensely.   The strength you have and wisdom you give all of us are invaluable. I love ya girlfriend. 

[DeLurker]

You guys have made me a wee bit teary, damn it!  And that is really hard to do.

I was blessed with so much help through - from family, friends, medical and legal professionals, and from other posters on PTV and other sites.  I cannot thank enough the people who read and responded to some messy thoughts and feelings I was able to put into words - there was so much kindness, encouragement, good advice, and sincere concern.  Those people out in cyberspace were there no matter the hour and finding my place in that community kept me grounded.  I was being heard - and after so long of not having a voice, that meant the world to me.

I love getting to peek into your lives - it means so much to me (although that makes me sound like a creeper).  And if I can offer some unsolicited advice on something, some encouragement or even share in a chuckle over life's little oddities, I am glad to do it.

I love you guys (girls) too!

[theredhead77]

My company has 4 positions open for what amounts to a promotion / the next step in my career. Both my boss and a Director have told me I need to apply and there's a real good chance I'll get whatever role I apply for. BUT (and there is always a but) it will require moving to somewhere that is less than ideal (in my mind). 

My options are Atlanta or Tampa (the other locations are WI and OH). Keep in mind I live in SoCal and I hate bugs, snakes, spiders, heat, humidity and areas that lack diversity. Sell me on these cities, please.

[DeLurker]

I'm not that familiar with Atlanta - only the crazy traffic.

Grew up in South Florida and lived there until late 20s when I moved to So Cal (San Gabriel Valley).  Most of the people I have met who have lived in both places, tend to love one, hate the other with CA usually getting more love. 

I liked both, but it took me 5 different apartments/houses in SGV to find a place that I felt truly comfortable in.  Pasadena (Old Town), Alhambra, South Pas, Altadena and Monrovia (the winner!).

I say apply for the positions, go out to each location to meet the staff and see the operations, and get a feel for the city.  Tampa weather is going to have heat and humidity - lots of it.  And that may be the deal breaker for you.  I like this site for general weather stats. 

Growing up with a lot of rain, I loathed the rainy season in So Cal.  I don't mind being wet, don't mind being cold, hate being wet and cold at the same time.  And I would start to go bonkers in late summer - I desperately wanted a break from the monotonous weather (granted very nice weather).  I wanted a thunderstorm and then would feel guilty because it was the dry season and a lightning strike would probably cause a wildfire...

Can't speak to the diversity of the areas, but Florida has its own brand of crazy.  I find it charming in its bizarreness.

[AgentRXS]

Yeah, if you don't want to deal with bugs or heat/humidity, then FL is not the place for you. I've never lived in Tampa proper, but lived briefly just outside of it. This was in the late 90s/early 2000s but the area was full of rednecks, and I got the impression things weren't much different in Tampa proper. With things more expensive then ever in South FL (Palm Beach County and below) , more people are moving upstate, so it may have become more diverse since then. But at least you'll have the Gulf Coast if you want a beach like atmosphere. And the cost of living shouldn't be that bad. Every one I know that has ever lived in Atlanta has hated it. Temps are just as hot and the cost of living is high.  And yeah, the traffic is a nightmare. Would choose Tampa over Atlanta anyday. 

[JTMacc99]

20 hours ago, DeLurker said:

And if I can offer some unsolicited advice on something, some encouragement or even share in a chuckle over life's little oddities, I am glad to do it.

It is always appreciated. 

Edited May 14, 2017 by JTMacc99

[JTMacc99]

20 hours ago, theredhead77 said:

My options are Atlanta or Tampa

Being a beach person, Tampa would at least give you the gulf coast. Both places are hot and humid. Atlanta has a lot of transplants, and has a decent urban feeling to it. You'd also get to experience the every couple years two inch snow storm there, which would be fun for you. Heh. 

My brother had an assignment there for 8 months and he didn't mind it. One thing we took from it is now when we buy a bottle of Shiraz we say, "Gimme a bottle of that she-razz" in our best Jeff Foxworthy accent. 

[Guest]

On Atlanta, its important to know if its actually Atlanta or if its metro Atlanta because we call everything Atlanta but its not the same.

The traffic is a consideration.  If it were me, I'd want to live near to where you work just to avoid losing personal time to sitting in cars. 

So cost of living will be higher in the city.  But relative to other cities, Atlanta is cheaper.  Atlanta also has a number of commercial districts that give different "neighborhoods" of Atlanta a different vibe.

If its metro Atlanta, then you are going to have a lower cost of living relative to Atlanta and to most other similar metro areas (I'm not necessarily talking about your other options but Boston, LA, etc.).  Because of traffic and population growth there has been a lot of migration of "city" amenities to the metro area.  You don't have to leave the area you live in for shopping or entertainment (they are even moving the stadium and have talked about a second airport).  I don't know if there is more per capita opportunities for consumerism than is normal in metro Atlanta but it seems like it some times.  But there is also a lot of green (trees, greenways, a couple lakes, and golf courses:). 

If the above sound like hell, there are also still a lot of areas where you can live where they haven't converted the "country" to housing and shopping.  If I were retired, I'd probably move out to one of them.  They aren't that far away distance wise from everything you'd need except if you have to get there during rush hour.

In Atlanta, its going to come down to 1) where do I work, 2) where do I want to live, and 3) can I handle the traffic if the answer to 1/2 aren't the same.

I'd say Atlanta is centrally located for a number of "weekend" trips.  Its about four hours away from the coast, the Appalachans, and several of the major Southern cities.

I don't think there is a big bug, snake, and spider problem. 

There is diversity because almost everyone moved to Atlanta for work and Ga Tech brings in a lot of international students who then stay.  I think my office of slightly over 100 people has people born in around a dozen different countries.

I wouldn't think the heat and humidity would be bad relative to SoCal.   We still have seasons.  You have a couple threat of snow days each year during Winter.  Winter is short. Summer is long.

I know nothing about Tampa but I did find a website that compares US cities for heat and humidity.  Tampa is hotter and more humid than Atlanta by a lot.

Edited May 14, 2017 by ParadoxLost

[theredhead77]

@ParadoxLost I was looking at Marietta and then was just pointed toward Smyrna which is a bit newer and less sketch for apartments. I'd  be renting for at least a year. I'm moving by myself so I'm looking for an area that has a decent night-life / selection of sports bars close-by. Can you post or PM that website? It sounds helpful!

We get hot / humid "did we move to FL overnight" a few weeks out of the year when there are Hurricanes in Baja. I'm not one for hard-core outside activities so I think as long as I have A/C at home I will be OK.

[Guest]

@theredhead77

Here's the link http://www.currentresults.com/Weather/US/hot-humid-days-cities.php

I'm with you on A/C making it all ok; and there is nowhere without A/C in the South.

So if you end up in Atlanta, I'd describe your options this way

Traffic  Smyrna (worse) -> Marietta -> Kennesaw (better) - due to proximity.  If you end up in Smyrna figure out if there is a good backroad route (probably not but depends) and if not then think about proximity to I- 75 when you select someplace to live.

Night Life Smyrna (better) -> Marietta -> Kennesaw (worse).  The farther North you go the more sprawled it will be.  You'll find sports bars in Kennesaw but you are more likely to end up somewhere where you find a place and that is where you end up for that night because you need to drive to get to another place.  Smyrna is just outside Atlanta and closer to the new stadium which is driving a lot of development centered around bars and restaurants and entertainment,

Outdoor Life Smyrna (worse) -> Marietta -> Kennesaw (better).   Kennesaw is closer to lake Alatoona and Kennesaw Mountain.

Really, these places are half an hour apart without traffic.  It kind of comes down to whether you want a short commute to work but have to go a farther distance for night life or the reverse.

[theredhead77]

@ParadoxLost - I learned about a law in Kennesaw that has completely removed it from my list of places I'd ever live. It currently takes me 20 minutes to go 5 miles. My last job was an hour for 25 miles. Someone I was chatting with last night said I'd be going against traffic from Smyrna to Kennesaw but the position involves a lot of travel so I'd rather live in an area where I can build a life / social life and commute to the office or drive to go somewhere with outdoor life (I'm not a huge fan of the outdoors).
Out of the four locations I think this is an area I can be happy with for a couple years, so I'm going to submit my resume on Monday.

[MrSmith]

On 5/13/2017 at 10:47 AM, theredhead77 said:

My company has 4 positions open for what amounts to a promotion / the next step in my career. Both my boss and a Director have told me I need to apply and there's a real good chance I'll get whatever role I apply for. BUT (and there is always a but) it will require moving to somewhere that is less than ideal (in my mind). 

My options are Atlanta or Tampa (the other locations are WI and OH). Keep in mind I live in SoCal and I hate bugs, snakes, spiders, heat, humidity and areas that lack diversity. Sell me on these cities, please.

Well, WI and OH are almost certainly right out. They have bugs, snakes, spiders, heat (in the summer), humidity (in the summer), and they definitely lack diversity. I'm not sure where you have the option of in WI, but it's probably Milwaukee or Madison. Feels like Madison has more diversity than Milwaukee, but this could be because Milwaukee (and suburbs) is a very heavily self-segregated area. (I lived in Milwaukee from 1986 to 1997 and was where I went to high school [86-90].) If it's Beloit, Janesville, Racine, or Kenosha, DO NOT GO. Beloit is basically the "crime capital" of Wisconsin*, with Janesville a close second. Racine and Kenosha have very poor economies and the crime there is increasing. Most of the rest of the places you could live in Wisconsin are going to feel very small to you.

*My wife's cousin and her fiance were both police officers in Beloit for several years. They got out because of the corruption, which eventually resulted in the entire police department being vacated and the state police taking over.

[theredhead77]

I had a chat with the recruiter today and a phone interview with the hiring manager on Friday. I found out their relo package is a lump sum (determined by the area President) and I have to coordinate it myself. While I'm fine getting rid of some of my things, I actually love my furniture and also don't want to deal with the hassle of selling it all. I can't do one of those POD / U-Pack things because I have no help on this end or the other end (it sucks ass being single). This leaves me at the mercy of cross-country movers and being without stuff for up to a month. Not to mention I've only spent 8 hours in GA, and that was 17 years ago and I don't have the $$ for an exploratory trip or to fly back and forth to coordinate everything. I have no one to help deal with all the appointments (gas, electric, cable/internet, etc...) that will come up, no one to be there to accept delivery of things. I think the logistics of moving are going to be what stops this in its tracks.

[MrSmith]

On 5/17/2017 at 8:43 PM, theredhead77 said:

 I think the logistics of moving are going to be what stops this in its tracks.

I'm sorry to hear this. If you end up considering moving to the Twin Cities area, let me know. I'd be happy to help scout housing and my wife is a housewife. So, we'd be able to help out with getting utilities connected and such.

As for using a POD, you could always look at hiring local college kids or even maybe something like Two Men and a Truck. I'm sure the Two Men would be delighted to only have to put it in/take it out of a POD rather than a truck.

[MrSmith]

@stewedsquash Those are great suggestions!

[theredhead77]

Novel ahead!
 

Spoiler

 

Things were going well until boss told me Wed that I got the job and they were sending me an offer letter. Thurs, no letter but I get a call from the recruiter to discuss compensation and relocation packages and dates for a "potential" visit. The hiring manager already told me the dates that he wanted me to come out and the dates she gave are not the ones he gave.

Today I get another call from the recruiter (nearly 20 minutes late, after the hiring manager had to hunt her down to clarify which time zone she wanted to call in) to discuss travel plans and then she tells me the salary range changed from $x5 to $x0 to $y0 - $x5 (basically $10k in the opposite direction from the high end to the new low end). I asked what happened since the numbers she gave me were off the requisition. I got a song and dance about some VP changing the range blah blah and I agreed to it yesterday. Yesterday I said we were in the ballpark, not that I said sure, I'll take $10k less than what was tossed out there.

She then tried to sell the bonus (tied to base salary, only given if the area meets their goals / company is doing wel and heavily taxed) as a reason to accept less and re-mentioned the car allowance (taxed) [because I'm required to use my car heavily] as extra money and tossed out 100% tuition paid if I want my MBA but I already know within the company the free tuition is through Ashford, not a real school. And then she said something about commission but I know the position is not commission based.

I said I'm totally open to negotiating and we don't have to agree to it tonight, I just need to make sure I'm compensated appropriately, trying to be in line with a new hire from outside the company. She said "internally we typically only bump it about 10% off their current salary". So she's insinuating I should take a huge leap in responsibilities for not much more a year and be happy they're willing to pay me maybe a couple grand more (plus this bonus and "allowance"). 

I think I got them to the mid-point, which was the low end of the original range and is now the high end of the new, much lower range. I won't take this position for less than $10k more a year. Part of me is concerned I just lost it over a few grand but she told me to book my trip so I am now spending the weekend designing a presentation for my final interviews (that may or may not happen and may or may not be interviews).

 

[theredhead77]

@NutMeg I totally inadvertently hijacked your thread. How is your move / transition going?

[NutMeg]

@theredhead77, nothing to hijack, this is not "my" thread but "our" thread, and I'm happy to see it being used!

The move is still nowhere :( and I'll soon have to start sorting/selling/donating, etc. However I am in the process of applying for something I'm not only interested in but also quite passionate about, but I'm not ready to go into more details because it's a long process and it's still early days. And I did look up apartments in the neighbourhoods I'm interested in, and find quite a number that look good and are within my budget. 

All in all, despite still procrastinating more than I should, I'm feeling rather positive about the future! Thanks for asking :)

Good luck on your negotiations. It is weird that the salary range on offer has dropped in such a sharp way. What I'm not clear on from your message is who you discussed the first offer with, future boss, HR, both?  

[theredhead77]

6 hours ago, NutMeg said:

All in all, despite still procrastinating more than I should, I'm feeling rather positive about the future! Thanks for asking :)

Good luck on your negotiations. It is weird that the salary range on offer has dropped in such a sharp way. What I'm not clear on from your message is who you discussed the first offer with, future boss, HR, both?  

Good you feeling positive about the future! And good that you can find neighbourhoods in your price range!

During the first chat with the recruiter she said she was looking at the requisition.. I decided would be happy with the low end since it's about a $13k raise but would try and get the midway point. When she called Thurs and again Fri the range swung. I asked her more about it on Friday and she said a VP decided that is what they are going to pay for this position in that area, the range she gave me was for CA (not true). It was a real back-peddle, song and dance.

She said she would ask the  manager and call me back in 10 minutes (it was already after 5pm there). I ended up calling her back a half hour later because I didn't want to go into the weekend and she said the hiring manager would only go to the $x5 point (which is a number I'm fine with). I get that I live in CA and perception is that we're paid more due to cost of living. The fact is, I'm paid what I'm paid because I'm fucking good at my job and I'm  basically doing this new position now. 

I figure I will talk more about it with the hiring manager while I'm there. I know he wants me, I've been told by several people in power I'm the most qualified candidate for the job but the recruiter tipped their hand and said there were 5 other internal candidates, all who live in the area... except I know for a fact none of them are in my current role because the entire department doesn't exist out there, yet. 

[theredhead77]

I'm currently waiting for an offer letter. It was promised to me yesterday but... I knew it wouldn't happen since Friday was wall to wall meetings and travel and Monday was also wall to wall meetings. Hiring manager apologized and said I will have it this week. Fingers crossed they don't screw with the numbers. 

[NutMeg]

Fingers crossed for you, thereahead77, keep us posted.

As of me, I've continued checking rentals and I've come to the conclusion that the neighbourhoods I'm interested in must mainly only attract single people or large families, because the 2-bedroom format is at a very good price for the locations I'm interested in. Of course these apartments might each have specific flaws, but I'll take time to explore.

I've also started looking into moving companies, each having their pros and cons. Dragging my feet on the cat transfer situation though, I know of three possible scenarios, two of which I've already tested, but airlines/airports/country regulations keep changing, so I must get up to speed on that.
I may be stuck on details right now, but I'm also really looking forward to this future new life,  which used the scare the crap out of me: living alone, which I haven't done in a while but used to love really (now with a cat that is the opposite of cuddly, but still will bears cuddles from time to time, before she remembers it's not cool to purr.)  

I also want to find a job that allows me interact with new people and new challenges.My wings may be rusty, but they once carried me way further than I expected them to. It's been 20 years since I last had ambitions that were just my own. Maybe I'll finalise the various novels I have started over the years and never wanted to bring to an end. Maybe after 20 years abroad I'll finally buy or design my own home. Maybe I'll embark in a new career that will be meaningful for the future of all of us (only job I've applied to so far). Maybe I'll do all three, if the stars align perfectly. It's just, and I hope this doesn't seem flippant, now I trust that I can make something good out of that transition that I didn't expect because it seemed the scariest thing ever to me just a few month ago. And now I think I can do it. And of course I'll second guess myself often, but this hope, this confidence, I wanted to share here, so if ever I hesitate, you can remind me of it.      

 

 

 

 

i' 

[walnutqueen]

20 minutes ago, NutMeg said:

Fingers crossed for you, thereahead77, keep us posted.

As of me, I've continued checking rentals and I've come to the conclusion that the neighbourhoods I'm interested in must mainly only attract single people or large families, because the 2-bedroom format is at a very good price for the locations I'm interested in. Of course these apartments might each have specific flaws, but I'll take time to explore.

I've also started looking into moving companies, each having their pros and cons. Dragging my feet on the cat transfer situation though, I know of three possible scenarios, two of which I've already tested, but airlines/airports/country regulations keep changing, so I must get up to speed on that.
I may be stuck on details right now, but I'm also really looking forward to this future new life,  which used the scare the crap out of me: living alone, which I haven't done in a while but used to love really (now with a cat that is the opposite of cuddly, but still will bears cuddles from time to time, before she remembers it's not cool to purr.)  

I also want to find a job that allows me interact with new people and new challenges.My wings may be rusty, but they once carried me way further than I expected them to. It's been 20 years since I last had ambitions that were just my own. Maybe I'll finalise the various novels I have started over the years and never wanted to bring to an end. Maybe after 20 years abroad I'll finally buy or design my own home. Maybe I'll embark in a new career that will be meaningful for the future of all of us (only job I've applied to so far). Maybe I'll do all three, if the stars align perfectly. It's just, and I hope this doesn't seem flippant, now I trust that I can make something good out of that transition that I didn't expect because it seemed the scariest thing ever to me just a few month ago. And now I think I can do it. And of course I'll second guess myself often, but this hope, this confidence, I wanted to share here, so if ever I hesitate, you can remind me of it.      

 

 

 

 

i' 

I love your hopes, ambitions, dreams, and courage to change.  Just make sure you have Money, Money, Money to see you through.

[NutMeg]

21 minutes ago, walnutqueen said:

I love your hopes, ambitions, dreams, and courage to change.  Just make sure you have Money, Money, Money to see you through.

Walnutqueen, thank you for the first part. And for the second, I have a portable freelance job which can pay the bills for now, until I get my dream job! Which I really hope I get!!! 

[walnutqueen]

28 minutes ago, NutMeg said:

Walnutqueen, thank you for the first part. And for the second, I have a portable freelance job which can pay the bills for now, until I get my dream job! Which I really hope I get!!! 

I did not mean to quash your dreams or denigrate your hopes in any way; I just meant that money makes the world go round, and buys cat food in tough times.  :-)

[ennui]

1 hour ago, walnutqueen said:

 Just make sure you have Money, Money, Money to see you through.

There was once a saying ... A young woman needs beauty; in her 30s, a woman needs charm; after a certain age, a woman needs cash.

[walnutqueen]

17 minutes ago, ennui said:

There was once a saying ... A young woman needs beauty; in her 30s, a woman needs charm; after a certain age, a woman needs cash.

That saying forgot intellect (or, as Zombies would iterate, "BRAINS").

There was also a saying: "Better to be an old man's darling than a young man's slave" (quoted to me by a really really really rich old guy who was the absolute delight of my life, and quite possibly, my one regret).

[ennui]

5 minutes ago, walnutqueen said:

That saying forgot intellect (or, as Zombies would iterate, "BRAINS").

I have observed several women who get along fine without intellect. (See: beauty, charm.)

[walnutqueen]

4 hours ago, ennui said:

I have observed several women who get along fine without intellect. (See: beauty, charm.)

Moi aussie.

SAD.  :-(

[theredhead77]

I woke up to my official offer letter. The numbers are right but I kicked back a few thing, like the start date (August instead of Sept), the relo figure isn't grossed up like I thought it was and I asked if there are any provisions if the company feels the position isn't working out (without "cause") to move me back to CA that can be added, just in case and if they will fund a short home-finding trip or if that is expected to come out of my relo sum. Hopefully I'll have more information tomorrow. I'm taking the position regardless, especially after learning that my bosses new boss is a complete douche nozzle who thinks I'm an overpaid customer service rep.

I told our VP of Finance who is second in command of our area and he's really excited. Hopefully this means the department fun-day in August will be when I'm still around.

[DeLurker]

Wow!  Great news!

[Bastet]

Congratulations, @theredhead77

[Moose135]

That's great news! Best of luck with the move and the position!

[MrSmith]

Glad to hear it, @theredhead77! Hope everything goes smoothly for you.

[theredhead77]

Thanks everyone! I'm already stressed and it hasn't sunk in yet. 

First step is this weekend: ruthlessly purge clothing & electronics I've been too lazy to donate / take to e-waste

[riley702]

Just took in e-waste last week! Feels good to cross that off my list AND not have to look at it sitting out waiting for me to remember to drop it off.

[theredhead77]

I am so stressed out I am going to cry.

Company is giving me a decent chunk to move with. That's great but what they aren't doing is paying for my home-finding trip (I asked). They considered my recent visit my "home finding trip" despite you know, not being able to look for a townhouse to rent 4 months out! So now I'm responsible for paying for a weekend trip to look for a townhouse to rent or sign a lease somewhere. That's going to cost me $$ and some vacation days.

And I don't have any help for packing / moving. If I want to use something like U-Pack, I'll have to rely on their third party assistance to load and unload. 

Finally, to move my kitties I'll have to fly them there and we're staying in corporate housing since I have nowhere to stay with them, here once my things are gone. I'm going to have to fly them to this temporary housing, fly home, hope the movers / pod people don't flake, have them load everything up and fly back in the course of 2 days. Or, I'll have to lock the cats in the bathroom hope the movers / pod people don't flake, have them load everything up and fly out that night, hoping the housing or hotel I lined up doesn't fall apart.

If anyone can think of a better way I'm all eyes. The cat-cat was abandoned by his previous owners in an empty apartment. I think it will be terribly cruel to leave him in my empty apartment for any period of time.