Explain it to Me Like I'm Lily: Recaps for the Disenchanted

[peach]

ETA I second movinon's suggestion that peach could ease her recapping burden with a grand summary of last week... I am happy with whatever peach throws our way!

 

I will be doing that.  I did want to finish the complete story of Chilly finally breaking up in hideous fashion.

[peach]

Watching Tuesday's show (last week) and listening to Abby tell STITCH that she is a slut is leaving me on the verge of never watching this show again.   Guess Chuck Pratt's favorite new word is slut. 

[peach]

Tue, 5/5/15  The Slut And The Man-Whore

 

Noah tells Sharon and Michael about the doctored photo that proves Sharon’s being set up, as well as the fact that no one can see the photo because the computers were sabotaged, and that Austin’s laptop that nobody backed up was stolen.  Sharon is overjoyed because OBVIOUSLY she couldn’t have done it under house arrest.  You’d think.  Noah leaves, and Michael takes a nap, leaving Sharon to come up with an inexplicably stupid idea to celebrate her upcoming freedom by jeopardizing it for no reason at all.

 

Stabby hangs out at Crimson Lights, and she bemoans what a slut she is (her words, not mine), but Stitch reassures her that he’s a big ole slut, too, so they are hilariously even, you guys.  She laughs about him being a man-whore, which makes them the perfect couple.  “The Slut and The Manwhore” as dubbed by Abby decide to just throw caution to the wind and parade themselves as a couple, because who gives a crap what anyone thinks?!  This show is so cutting edge, so 2015.

 

Victor scolds Doppel Jack as usual, and this time Kyle catches him and says YOU CAN’T TALK TO MY DAD THAT WAY.  Victor apologizes profusely.  Old habits die hard, you know how it is.  He leaves, and Kyle is like what THE hell was that?  Since when does Victor Newman apologize?  It’s the new and improved Victor Newman, no worries.  Kyle bitches about annoying, unpleasable Summer, and Doppel Jack tells him there are way more bitches in the sea.  He suggests they drive the Ferrari and party it up at The Underground reopening and find some new girls to chase.  Doppel Dad is so much cooler than Real Dad.  He even wants to give Kyle his OWN Ferrari!

 

Phyllis chats up whiny Summer about her Kyle problems because treating Kyle like crap is sooo hard on Summer.  Again with the horrible gifts he buys her combined with not paying enough attention to her.  Phyllis thinks since Summer couldn’t have Kyle, she built him up into some kind of fantasy, and real Kyle just can’t measure up.  Real life is always different, like HOW FREAKING DIFFERENT Jack is since she married him.

Krazy Kelly decides to bring Real Jack a glass of water after two days of punishment.  He also has to write her a love letter detailing how she’s the only one for him.  No problem.  He writes a gushy letter about his undying passion, and she is overcome with emotion, lying on top of him to kiss him.  He makes a really short sighted decision to stab her in the jugular with a pen, while STILL TIED UP.  Kelly screams and shrieks and holds her bloody neck, and explains that he just killed BOTH of them, because she’s the only one who knows he’s there.  Jack’s like…shit.  He didn’t think of that, but he has pretty low blood sugar right about now. 

 

Kelly passes out, and Jack manages to scoot her handbag over to him and FIND HER PHONE!  Yowza!  So he calls Kyle.  He’s driving the Ferrari to forget about bitches like Summer, so Doppel Jack has to answer it.  HOLY CRAP.  Doppel Jack and Real Jack are both quite alarmed to be talking to themselves.  Kyle’s like, who is that, what is going on?  WATCH THE ROAD, KYLE!  Screeeeech!  BANG!  Bye bye, Ferrari.

 

So, The Underground reopens and looks exactly the same as before.  Whoopteedoo.  Sage packed herself into a white cocktail dress to be the “manager” of this crummy club, because snow white is the best color to wear for mixing drinks. Faith still hates her because duh.  She and Nick have a moment where she tries to drop the axe first and say they shouldn’t see each other at all anymore, including this job, because the best thing for Nick is for Sage to have absolutely nothing.  Horndog Nick can’t really hold out for Faith’s sake because also duh.  They get all close talky, and he just thinks they shouldn’t make any final decisions because he might want to have sex in his office like really soon.

 

Noah explains to Nick that Sharon might actually be really truly innocent.  Mariah gives him hell for being disappointed about it, and for the Newmans wanting to pretend that Faith was made from fairy dust and Newman DNA.  Nick looks pretty busted.  The Slut and The Manwhore show up, which Mariah finds super classy.  “Showing up with the guy that you stole from your sister at the place where you used to hook up with the guy that you stole from your niece!  The back room is available if any of your other relatives show up and you have a strong urge to sleep with them as well.”    The menfolk have to hold these crazy women back!  Nick says there will be no fighting tonight!  “That’s right,” says Victor, entering the room.  “No fighting, please.  Just a celebration.”  Well, if Victor says so. 

 

Michael wakes up from his nap and can’t find Sharon.  Because she broke house arrest to show up at The Underground, grinning foolishly in fancy clothing.  Because of course.

[peach]

Wed 5/6/15  Dis Is Crazy, Mon

Kyle looks amazing for just crashing a Ferrari.  Doppel Jack isn’t doing so hot.  He’s unconscious in a hospital bed, but he looks pretty good, too.  Who knew Ferraris were so durable?  Summer shows up, and Kyle explains he hit a tree.  His dad is hurt bad, and it’s all his fault.  Summer comforts him.  Kyle never should have let himself distracted by that weird phone call!

 

Phyllis races in.   The doctor explains how Jack’s brain was injured in the EXACT SAME SPOT as when the building collapsed on him.  What are the odds?  So who knows how messed up he’ll be. 

 

Avery nags Joe in his tiny wheelchair.  He’s practically folded in half.  Anyway, TRYING ISN’T DOING, JOE!  He’s had enough, and rolls out.  Dylan pops in and surprises her, which she doesn’t seem to enjoy.  She acts like he wants to sell her a water filter or something.  Turns out she’s living at the rehab clinic so she can be closer to Joe.  She’s basically having the time of her life being in charge of Joe and his therapy.  Blah argue blah.  She accuses him of all the same crap regarding Sharon!!  Which I guess is why he’s standing in Chicago WITH YOU.  

 

Victor notes that Sharon is making yet another [unrealistic] unwise decision, showing up at The Underground like a huge dork.  Everyone stares and snarks.  Sharon deserves an Emmy for having to sell this shit.  She happily tells everyone she’s being vindicated soon, so it’s all good.  Nick tells her to GO HOME RIGHT NOW.  What? This is all about healing and forgiveness.  Noah and Mariah want to get her home safely.  NO! 

 

Blah blah.  Victor calls the police.  Even Nick thinks that’s shitty.  He tells Noah to get Sharon out of there before the cops show up.  Michael calls Noah looking for her, and gets the bad news.  The cop shows up to arrest Sharon, which she finds LUDICROUS.  Michael says for her to STOP TALKING.  She freaks out, insisting she’s innocent.  Paul arrives, which she thinks is good since dropping the charges is just a formality at this point.  He slaps the silver bracelets on her yet again.  Okay, okay, he won’t use the cuffs, but he’s taking her in.

 

Jack (who also got his restraints unlocked, which required some mad dexterity) frantically calls the police on Kelly’s cell phone.  This rouses her from her bloody neck situation.  She seems to recover quite well.  I guess she just needed a nap.  Two cops come blazing in and pull their guns on JACK.  Because sure.

 

Jack insists he’s the victim here, which would seem kind of obvious by the fact he’s tied to a bed, but they seem pretty skeptical.  Kelly casually wipes her blood off while Jack frantically explains who he is and how he was kidnapped and tortured, and doesn’t have a passport.  CALL WISCONSIN!  Dey are taking you into de station, mon.  “No, no, no!” says Kelly.  “Don’t arrest him,” she orders…WITH A PEN HOLE IN HER NECK.

 

She smoothly tells the police that Jack’s her patient here in this broken down St. Kelly’s Memorial Shack Hospital, and thought he’s apparently delusional, violent, and screaming, and she’s bleeding out of the PEN  HOLE IN HER NECK, no one needs to go to the hospital or police station or anything.  This is all completely normal.  Is she sure she’ll be safe wit dis crazy mon?  Sure, if they’ll help her put him in a straitjacket first.  This would be more believable if she just paid them a stack of money.

 

Nick complains to Victor about calling the police on Sharon, and he really, really cares, of course.  Sage chats up the “killer” of Harrison Bingham, because who cares about that, and she really loves this job.  He fishes around for info about Gabe, “because he seems like an enigma to me.”  Nick is very smirky and suspicious about why Victor is so interested in that jerk.  Victor gets a call that JackAbbott is in the hospital, so bye.

 

Michael rushes to the station to plead Sharon’s case for just going to a party to visit her CHILDREN.  Where’s the harm?  Paul is within his rights to be crabby, I suppose.  Blah blah.  Sharon is OUT OF CONTROL and everybody knows it, complains Paul.  Funny how easy he wanted to go on Phyllis even though SHE TRIED TO KILL HIM ONCE. But that Sharon, she is out of control.  Well, she’s NOT A KILLER, and Paul doesn’t HAVE A CASE, says Michael

 

Sharon pouts like an idiot in the interrogation room while being scolded by Noah and Mariah.  She will REALLY GO CRAZY if they put her in jail.  “I gotta get outta here!” she says, all squirrely.  She’ll ask to go to the bathroom and get out the window like last time!  Whoa, what about Faith?  Okay, fine.  She admits she’s not thinking clearly.  OMG, SHE FORGOT A PILL.  Mariah pops one down her throat.  There, fixed.  I’m going to assume this is as accurate as their representation of the law or corporate mergers.  She’ll use her one phone call to call Dylan.  Paul bursts in so she hangs up.

 

Avery yells at Dylan for Sharon calling, and for not understanding this Joe thing.  She would do the same for Dylan.  He’s like well, God, I hope so!  “I AM YOUR FUTURE!  Joe is your past.  Or that’s what I thought.”  Joe wheels in, so it gets awkward.  Dylan leaves.  They blather.  He can do this on his own now, so she should go home and reassure Dylan.  Well, she sure as hell doesn’t want to do THAT.  Good, because Avery believes in him so he KNOWS he can do this.  So he stands up.  But he like struggles a lot.  He takes a few steps because Avery has magical curing powers.  They hug!  Dylan SEES.   He gets sad feelz and walks away.

 

Victor shows up at the hospital and comforts Phyllis.  She rushes in Jack’s room.  He wanders around and eavesdrops on Summer and Kyle discussing the weird phone call, that really wasn’t that weird, unless you were Jack.  He thinks those kids really need to just take a walk and get fresh air.  Some tech brings a bag with Kyle’s things from impound, and of course, Victor will be happy to take it from her.  Sure, NO PROBLEM.  He steals Kyle’s phone.

 

He calls Kelly and demands to know why she called Kyle.  Jack got a hold of her phone, dummy.  Then get rid of that damn phone! Oh, don’t worry about Jack.  He’s under control in his straitjacket, glaring at Kelly with a psychotic look that could melt steel.

 

Abby is relieved that Sharon provided a big ole distraction from Stabby's scandalous coupling.

 

Sage mixes drinks and asks Nick if there’s another case of vodka in the back.  Isn’t in the club manager’s job to know that?  Poor Nick is distracted.  He hopes Paul lets Sharon off with a warning.  She was on the verge of all this going away, so why would she pull a stunt like this?  Why, indeed.  Sage thinks she did it for irresistible Nick.  He’s just REALLY concerned about her.  She suggests he rush over to the police station and check on her.  Nah.  That’s not his job anymore. Thanks, because the last thing Sharon needs is “support” from NICK.

 

Michael kicks himself for not watching Sharon better.   He admits to Kevin that he’s separated from Lauren.  “Michael, you jackass!  What the hell happened?!”  Things were TENSE, Kevin, so they decided to take a break.  Kevin calls him out for being utterly full of shit.  Well, he has to deal with his client.

 

Sharon’s meds work super fast, and she tells Paul she made a bad choice and has to deal with the consequences.  But does he believe she’s being framed?  He hems and haws, but admits the case is flawed but do NOT tell anyone he said that! Michael comes in and would like her to STFU.  But she continues to insist she’s not a killer.

 

Phyllis orders Doppel Jack to wake up and open his eyes.  She’s not going to lose you to a stupid car wreck.  Etc.  He wakes up.  “Victor,” he mumbles.  Not really the answer she was hoping for.

 

Noah hopes Paul will give Sharon a break and send her  home.  Mariah tells Kevin she’s just LIKE Sharon.  Reckless, self-destructive, Kevin better run for the hills.  Too bad, he’s not going anywhere.  They hug.

 

Sharon says someone knew she was vulnerable to being set up!  How about anyone who’s watched this show EVER.  Someone did all these framing things.  Paul suggests she let THEM worry about the suspects, because, yeah, that’s done Sharon a lot of good so far.  For instance, he’s locking her up until her trial.  Michael is outraged, but newly stable Sharon is willing to stay in jail if it gives Paul more time to FIND THIS KILLER.  Paul looks like he’s going to get right on that.

[movinon]

 

“The Slut and The Manwhore” as dubbed by Abby decide to just throw caution to the wind and parade themselves as a couple, because who gives a crap what anyone thinks?!  This show is so cutting edge, so 2015.

 

The bolded just about sums it up, peach - and Pratt and Phelps probably really believe that, like the tooth fairy and shit.  As Margamo said in another thread, "Not finished but too tired to care. :)"  I think we're all getting there.

[glowlights]

She goes on a rant too nonsensical to be paraphrased, so here it is verbatim:  “You keep telling me you’re going to protect me from whoever killed Austin, but then you turn around and try TO IMPRESS ME with DINNERS or GIFTS, and THEN you want to LEAVE ME to play golf!

 

Out of all the crazy things like Doppel Jacks and Kabin Killers and Miracle Bipolar Pills, this is the craziest shit. Congrats, Summer, you're the new Patty-Cakes. Minus the charm.

 

peach when you say the Underground looks exactly the same as before Prattageddon, do you mean the same decor, too?!?!?!  Has there been a full-on miraculous resurrection?

 

The whole slut thing makes me :( 

[peacheslatour]

 

OMG, SHE FORGOT A PILL.  Mariah pops one down her throat.  There, fixed.

So Mariah carries around prescription anti bi-polar drugs in her purse?  O_o

 

I'm sorry you have to watch this crap to give us your re-caps peach, but I thank you kindly just the same.  So much more entertaining than the actual show!

[peach]

Out of all the crazy things like Doppel Jacks and Kabin Killers and Miracle Bipolar Pills, this is the craziest shit. Congrats, Summer, you're the new Patty-Cakes. Minus the charm.

 

peach when you say the Underground looks exactly the same as before Prattageddon, do you mean the same decor, too?!?!?!  Has there been a full-on miraculous resurrection?

 

The whole slut thing makes me :( 

IT'S IDENTICAL.  Which was commented upon, and Nick says that's the whole idea, to restore it.  My kid was like, what was the point of the collapse then???  Like, wtf?!  (He didn't really say "wtf" but I'm pretty sure he was thinking it.)  Anyway, we all know how much Nick likes changing and growing.

 

LOL on your Summer comment.   I feel like Kyle's in for a lifetime of complaints such as, "WELL, KYLE, first you put on THOSE CLOTHES and then you came HERE and are going THERE and doing THAT, and even worse, YOU ATE BREAKFAST and then you did SOMETHING ELSE, you fixed my flat tire, and did my taxes, and then you WENT TO THE GYM, and you SAID WORDS, and it was all the WORST THING YOU COULD DO."

 

She never ceases to amaze me.  I always think there's no way I can hate her more than I already do, but she manages to get me there.  Kyle tries to give her an elaborate special date, which was OTT, but she didn't just say that, SHE ACTUALLY SAID, I don't LIKE YOU, GTFO.  Then complains that he's playing golf with his dad the next day.  I don't even like Kyle, and all I can think is Poor Kyle.  I wouldn't wish Summer on ANYONE.

Edited May 14, 2015 by peach

[peach]

So Mariah carries around prescription anti bi-polar drugs in her purse?  O_o

 

I'm sorry you have to watch this crap to give us your re-caps peach, but I thank you kindly just the same.  So much more entertaining than the actual show!

No, I think she took them out of Sharon's purse, but I wasn't paying close attention.  OTOH, it's probably good for all of them to keep some handy, since in Sharon's case, it's like giving a lollipop to prevent a diabetic coma. 

[peach]

Thur 5/7/15    It Was A Moment

 

Savery cheers on Joe whose paralyzation doesn’t seem all that serious.  He’ll be doing a gymnastics routine on those bars by next week.   Maybe there’s a little Superman in there after all.  He looks fine as hell, I might add.  He’s got this now, Avery, so you can go home to Dylan.  Avery’s like WAAAH.  Bicker, argue, blah.  “Neither guilt nor charity is keeping me here,” insists Avery.  Then WHAT is?  “DYLAN!” she barks.   His top priority is Sharon, waaaah.  Joe kicks her out anyway.

 

Dylan gets back to the cottage to find out in the few hours he’s been away, Sharon’s managed to get locked up again and will stay there til her trial.  “YOU LET SHARON GO TO A PARTY?!”  Lol  Hey, Michael was taking a NAP.  He explains the unexplainable.  Dylan blames himself.  He’s off to the station.

 

Christine is on the scene.  That’s an interesting dress.  Paul brags about how he SHUT DYLAN DOWN when he brought him convincing evidence that Sharon was framed.  But he’s reverting back to his old softie habits, and thinks she broke bail because “perhaps she’s a woman convinced of her own innocence.”  Chris rolls her eyes. 

 

She goes in the interrogation room, because it’s time to talk, woman to woman.  Blah blah.  Super Dylan believes her.  How could Dylan KNOW Sharon is innocent, especially based on her past behavior?  Sharon’s a mess but one thing she’s not is a killer.  Chris sighs.  Probably not.  Sharon sympathizes with her miscarriage.  She knows how it feels to lose a child, which is a pretty big reason she didn’t murder her son’s fiancée. 

 

They discuss the evidence.  Sharon admits she’s, well…a lot of things, but she’s not STUPID enough to leave her fingerprints on a tire iron and then tell everyone where it was.  She’s also not SMART enough to erase everything on police computers.  Hello?? “Do you really think I’m capable of that?”  Chris DOUBTS.

 

NEIL GOT A MAKEOVER.  Basically, a shave and a haircut, but he still has a goatee.  Lily and I like it! He looks ten years younger and not at all like a guy who mows down pregnant women.  He’s excited about going back to work, but he’d forgotten how office politics is a full time job.  He can’t figure out what’s going on with Jack and Victor.  They never fight, and this is a train wreck waiting to happen. This whole show is a train wreck, Neil.

 

Cane joins them and they discuss Hilary and Devon.  Neil saw them together, coming down the stairs in a hotel, but Devon says they aren’t seeing each other.  CANE KNOWS NOTHING, that’s for damn sure.  Neil wants to believe Devon, but he’s learned the hard way.  He leaves.  Lily says he hasn’t forgiven or forgotten yet.  Cane’s distracted by his pressing dress shop business, but Lily gets his attention by saying they could stay at the club tonight, hubba hubba.

 

Doppel Jack wakes up in his hospital bed and seems really disconcerted/terrified.  “Hey, you, you finally opened those gorgeous blue eyes, and your first word was Victor,” jokes Phyllis, but obviously they are going to need more brain scans.  Phyllis comforts and says no more worrying about Victor, who is lurking right outside the door.

 

Ashley and Billy show up and bicker with Victor in the hallway.  “I think we all know that if Jack doesn’t recover, the new company is all yours,” says Ashley.  Well, except for all those stockholders.  Victor reminds them he saved Jack’s ass in that building collapse.  And they forged a kind of disgusting and strange friendship.  “And if you don’t mind, I’m going in to look after him,” he says, going in the hospital room.  WELL, SURE.  Victor Newman should just go sit by his bedside instead of his brother and sister.

 

Actually, they all go in and fuss over Doppel Jack, who continues looking freaked out.  Billy, appropriate as always, nags this is a good time for Jack to tell Victor the deal is off.  Jack’s eyes roll back in his head and beepers beep.  That’s how Billy makes me feel, too, Doppel Jack.

 

Super Dylan and Paul argue in his office.  Dylan wants to see Sharon.  He has to wait til Christine is done talking to her.  “Wait, Christine is questioning her without an attorney?!”  Paul sighs in exasperation.  “Do you really think Sharon is that fragile that she needs constitutional rights?”  Geez, Dylan.   Anyway, Chris is taking this lousy case to trial.  She emerges, and Dylan races up.  IS THIS TRUE?  She’s not going to discuss her case with you, Super Dylan. 

 

Paul lets Dylan go in to see Sharon.    He’s BACK, and somehow, some way, he’s getting her out of there.  She should tell him about the bathroom window.  What about Chicago?  Meh, he never should have gone.  Avery ain’t leaving Joe any time soon, and she accused him of putting Sharon before everything else.  Sharon’s like, whaaaat?  So he just left.  Sharon feels a little awkward, so she says she’ll see him in the morning.  “I’m not leaving this building til I can take you with me!” he says.  She smiles.  He’ll go nag Christine some more.

 

He leaves, and Avery texts him.  “Sorry we quarreled.  I miss you.  Coming home.”  Because Joe kicked me out and you’ll just have to do for now.  Sharon reads it.  “Now it’s my turn to help you,” she says.  Greaaaaat.  Her idea of “helping” is to text back (as Dylan) “You made your choice.  I made mine.  Finish what you started.  So will I.”  I’m not sure what Sharon was going for, but Avery’s horrified.  Who cares, she was only coming back because Joe forced her.

 

Dylan comes back in to announce that Sharon DID IT!  She got through to Christine!  She walks in and says it’s not easy to admit, but the evidence against Sharon doesn’t hold up.  Reasonable doubt exists, so they’re dropping all the charges.  Well, that’s a first.  She dances with joy and hugs and kisses Paul and Chris.  She’ll never forget this, Chris!  They leave, and then Sharon hugs Dylan, too.  They gaze at each other…and then tenderly, passionately KISS.  Go Shylan!  #anybodybutNick

 

Chris says now Paul has to track down a killer before someone else gets hurt.

 

Lauren runs into Michael in the club.  He admits Sharon’s back in jail until the trial.  Then he’s free to come home!!  He just can’t, Lauren.  She tries to grab his suitcase to take him home.  “STOP IT.  YOU HAVE TO LET ME GO!” he screams violently.  Lily and Cane are like, WHOA, psycho.  Calm down.  “WHAT?!” shrieks Michael.  “THIS IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!!”  Cane says it IS his business, for one thing, you’re standing in one of his businesses, so calm the hell down.

 

He does calm down, but it gets really awkward as Michael publicly rejects Lauren and heads upstairs.  Cane asks if she’s okay.  Yes, she’s, um, f-f-fine, WAAAAAHHH!!!!  Golly gosh, Cane tells Lily he knows they have plans, but HE should comfort his business partner.  Sounds legit.  “I understand work comes first,” says Lily coolly.  “And this is work, right?”  #notwork

 

Phyllis is freaking out in the hallway because she can’t lose Jack again.  Victor comforts her.  Jack survived a building collapse, surely he can survive a Ferrari crash.  Hell, people survive plane crashes in this town.  Billy and Ashley mutter behind their backs.  Billy thinks Victor’s already throwing dirt on Jack’s grave, and is possibly hitting on the grieving widow, too.  Ashley says Victor loves Nikki.  “The only thing Victor loves is Victor,” says Billy.

 

Dr. Barton Shelby is on the case.  He comes out and says something that sounds like “We honked a decision.”  But obviously Doc Bart is worried about a lot more than honking decisions.  The only way to protect Jack atm is to induce a temporary coma.  Well, Phyllis just loves the sound of THAT.  But it’ll all be okay later.  Victor asks if he might NOT regain consciousness?  They have every reason to HOPE he’ll recover.  Hmm.  Victor’s not really into HOPE.

 

Phyllis gets to experience the other side of the coma bed, and it really sucks, let me tell you.  Maybe she can see how months and months of this could drive you into the arms of a crazy, blonde event planner.  Probably not.  She weeps, etc.  She loves whichever crazy iteration of yourself you want to be, Jack, just come back to her.

 

Billy and Ashley come in and tell Phyllis she has to take care of herself.  Let BILLY stay with him while she takes a break with Ash.  Billy tries to joke around, and also complain about the low blow of Jack firing him…but…to hell with all that.  This can’t be how it ends between them.  AND ALSO, you can’t leave Dad’s legacy in the hands of that megalomaniac.  Billy, this fucking discussion is WHY Jack is in an induced coma, so maybe shut up.  As if.  “You’re going to listen to me.  If you don’t wake up, I’m gonna do whatever it takes to get back into the company and take charge of things.  And if the prospect of THAT doesn’t make you open your eyes, I don’t know what will.”  Good God, Billy, what part of INDUCED coma don’t you understand?  He’s not SUPPOSED to wake up.  But Billy needs you, Jack, so do it anyway. 

 

Neil sits in Victor’s office.  This news about Jack is unbelievable!  After everything he’s been through!  “Isn’t it something?  He’s had a string of terrible things happen to him,” agrees Victor, and this isn’t the half of it.  Anyway, wringing their hands won’t accomplish anything.  He needs someone to count on, who’s got his back.  Neil’s your man.  He’s glad to hear that, because there are a number of things that need…finessing.  Like merger documents that haven’t been signed yet.  Neil connects the dots.  “The paperwork is incomplete….and Jack is in a coma.”  And if he dies, the merger never took place, says Victor.  Because that’s how corporations work.

 

So, Victor wants Neil to forge Jack’s signature?!  Victor holds out his hands.  “I didn’t say that.  I just heard you say it.”  The only “witness” listed is Nicole Newman, which Victor could forge in his sleep, and I’m sure notaries aren’t required for something of this magnitude.

 

Cane comes back to Lily and says he just put Lauren in a taxi.  He hope she doesn’t think he’s putting Lauren’s welfare above hers.  IT WAS JUST A TAXI, LILY, PLEASE DON’T HURT ME.   Lauren’s just a business associate (AKA his BOSS), but he knows he has to earn your trust back, baby.  Lily remains bitchy cool, and says she’s trying .  She doesn’t even want to go have hot sex in a suite with you anymore, Cane, so she’s obviously not trying very hard.   She leaves, and Cane deflates.

 

Michael “Mr. Smith” Baldwin orders a call girl named Felicity because…I don’t know why.   She warmly approaches Michael, but senses that maybe he’s neurotically angry and stupid.  He just wants to get it over with, and starts unceremoniously taking his clothes off, like he’s getting an unpleasant medical exam.  She thinks he’s new at this.  Blah prostitute banter blah.  I thought Michael couldn’t even do it.  Maybe he just wants someone new to torment.

 

Avery stares into the distance and pouts, because sometimes when you play both sides against each other, you end up with a big, fat nothing.  Joe wheels in.  He thinks Dylan doesn’t mean that text, he’s just cranky, and she should go home anyway.  Florence Nightingale bitches that if Dylan wants to be Sharon’s knight in shining armor, then so be it!  She won’t stay there either, since Superman doesn’t want her either!  WAH.  “I lied!  Don’t go!” says Joe. Avery thinks that's more like it.

 

Sharon and Dylan are dazed by their kiss.  Dylan starts babbling about her paperwork.  He shakes it off, and says he should go home.  “Dylan, wait…what happened was—“  “It was a moment,” he finishes.  They were just happy.  Yeah!  It was a just a moment between friends.  It’s not like anyone got pushed off a balcony or anything.  She just doesn’t want it to get weird.  Well, every day with Sharon is kind of weird.  “It already is,” she says, and they both laugh.  They’re both adults, no big.  It was just super fun moment between friends.  “I really can’t lose you as a friend, though,” she says earnestly.  SHE WON’T!  Catch ya later, friend!

 

Ashley hates to be the skunk at the garden party, but it’s time to be practical about the company, Phyllis, and what happens if Jack dies.  She aches for Jack, and all, but this has to be brought up.  “You’re aching for more power and control, Ashley!”  Not true!  If Jack were awake, he’d be the first to remind them that VICTOR is DEFINITELY thinking about business right now! 

 

Victor tells Neil he’s either with him or agin him.  Hey, he’s asking Neil to break the law here!  Victor assures him his hands will stay clean.  He’ll have an expert “deal with” Jack’s signature. Then why frigging TELL anyone?  Neil rubs his face a lot.  What does Victor need him to do?  To vouch for him when [Abbotts] people start questioning the agreement.  Ummm, he’s not sure about this.  He’s already been in a lot of legal trouble this month.  He can’t go to prison. Victor twists this all so oddly that this is about giving Neil a chance for redemption.  Redemption by crime.  Sounds very Lohan.  Neil interprets it more as payback he owes.  Victor claims the Abbotts turned their back on him when he went blind, by keeping him on the payroll and taking care of him when he couldn’t work.  But they EASED HIM OUT.  Then his wife and son turned their backs on him, too!  ONLY VICTOR HAS HIS BACK.  Do something for yourself, Neil, and commit crimes for Victor.

 

This is Felicity’s easiest night in a long time, while she gets to keep her clothes on and listen to Michael weep and pour out his heart about wanting to live and take his wife that he verbally abuses to bed and such.  Felicity is very understanding because she’s probably $500 an hour.  Michael wants to use emotional devastation and humiliation to give his beautiful wife passion and joy, with someone who can seduce and excite her and give her everything she deserves.  Someone who’s married to Lily.  What did Lily ever do to YOU, Michael?  “I must be the worst excuse for a client you’ve ever had,” Michael jokes weepily.  Right, because hookers LOVE doing all that sex stuff with you instead of just talking.

[movinon]

I have to admit that this sounds interesting when you recap it, peach, but I thought the whole thing was crap.  Michael crying to the hooker was kinda funny, but I don't know how on earth you do this.  I swear it took me longer to read your recap than it did for me to watch the show, what with FFing and all.  Great job, as usual. 

[glowlights]

Sharon reads it.  “Now it’s my turn to help you,” she says.  Greaaaaat.  Her idea of “helping” is to text back (as Dylan) “You made your choice.  I made mine.  Finish what you started.  So will I.”

 

WHOA!!! That's not very Sharon-ish of her. But... didn't she already take a magic bipolar pill? LMAO at Christine suddenly realizing she doesn't have enough evidence and dropping the charges. Super competent, that one is.

 

I really don't understand why Dylan is going to all this trouble of being Sharon's White Knight. Is he TRYING to get disowned? If I were him I'd be sucking up to Nikki and the rest of the Newmans. That espresso machine won't fix itself, you know.

[peach]

WHOA!!! That's not very Sharon-ish of her. But... didn't she already take a magic bipolar pill? LMAO at Christine suddenly realizing she doesn't have enough evidence and dropping the charges. Super competent, that one is.

 

It was portrayed as Sharon really thinking she was doing something nice.  I can only guess that she meant it was OKAY for her to make that choice, and he would FINISH up with Sharon and it would all be copasetic.  Instead of it being a slap in the face, but Avery deserved a slap in the face, so I don't care.  It was a win.

[glowlights]

It was portrayed as Sharon really thinking she was doing something nice.  I can only guess that she meant it was OKAY for her to make that choice, and he would FINISH up with Sharon and it would all be copasetic.  Instead of it being a slap in the face, but Avery deserved a slap in the face, so I don't care.  It was a win.

 

Ohhhhh. Okay thanks, that makes a bit more sense, except sending texts to someone from their boyfriends's phone doesn't really seem like a nice thing to do in the rational light of day. *sigh* I hope it's not supposed to be more bipolar crap. At least Christine has egg on her face. Glorious, glorious egg.

[peach]

Saying hello, friends!  Sorry it's not a recap.  Kid graduated high school this week (magna cum laude :o)  if I may brag on Kid for a moment) plus other family whatnot.  Oh, and it's beautiful weather and I go outside sometimes now.  lol  I'll be back when I catch a breath!

[movinon]

Saying hello, friends!  Sorry it's not a recap.  Kid graduated high school this week (magna cum laude :o)  if I may brag on Kid for a moment) plus other family whatnot.  Oh, and it's beautiful weather and I go outside sometimes now.  lol  I'll be back when I catch a breath!

Congratulations to you all - Does this make up for totaling the car?  Take your time and enjoy these moments while you can - they go by far too fast.  We'll all still be here. 

Edited May 20, 2015 by movinon

[Margamo]

Saying hello, friends!  Sorry it's not a recap.  Kid graduated high school this week (magna cum laude :o)  if I may brag on Kid for a moment) plus other family whatnot.  Oh, and it's beautiful weather and I go outside sometimes now.  lol  I'll be back when I catch a breath!

Congrats "Peach Kid" and Peach too of course!! You must be so proud!! How fantastic for your family. Enjoy. :)

[peacheslatour]

Saying hello, friends!  Sorry it's not a recap.  Kid graduated high school this week (magna cum laude :o)  if I may brag on Kid for a moment) plus other family whatnot.  Oh, and it's beautiful weather and I go outside sometimes now.  lol  I'll be back when I catch a breath!

Hello backatcha!  Super good news about the young'un!  Tell him 'grats and well done from me.

[Slowpokey]

Saying hello, friends!  Sorry it's not a recap.  Kid graduated high school this week (magna cum laude :o)  if I may brag on Kid for a moment) plus other family whatnot.  Oh, and it's beautiful weather and I go outside sometimes now.  lol  I'll be back when I catch a breath!

Peach that's awesome. Congratulations to you. And congratulations to your kid for graduating with such high honors!!! Take your time and enjoy these great family moments along with the nice weather! It will soon be too dang hot to go outside!!!

[glowlights]

Congratulations, peach, on your son's graduation!!! Wishing you and your family a wonderful holiday weekend.

 

ETA Wishing everyone else here a great weekend, too. :)

Edited May 23, 2015 by glowlights

[movinon]

OK - peach!  You don't have to recap, but it's time for you to pop in and tell us you and the family are ok - it's been a week now, since we heard from you.

Edited May 27, 2015 by movinon

[peacheslatour]

OK - peach!  You don't have to recap, but it's time for you to pop in and tell us you and the family are ok - it's been a week now, since we heard from you.

I agree.

BTW movinon, what are you doing up at 3:00 a.m.?

[movinon]

I agree.

BTW movinon, what are you doing up at 3:00 a.m.?

Just never was able to go to sleep, so I got pissed and got up.  The un-ending thunderstorms aren't helping, either - It poured buckets all night and the pools outside my windows are green.  Texas sucks - so bad - worse than the show.  

 

Edited to say I can't even post correctly - I have tried 3 times to fix this and I don't even care anymore. lol

 

 

Edited May 27, 2015 by movinon

[peacheslatour]

 

Just never was able to go to sleep, so I got pissed and got up.  The un-ending thunderstorms aren't helping, either - It poured buckets all night and the pools outside my windows are green.  Texas sucks - so bad - worse than the show.

 

Oh, that's right.  Texas is pretty much under water right now isn't it?  Lol, move up to the Evergreen State- we're in the middle of a drought.  So weird.  (Please stay safe!)

[glowlights]

movinon, can you please send some of that rain to California? In the meantime, please stay safe from the storms. And I hope you get some sleep!

 

peach, where arrrreeee yoooooouuuuuu? enjoying a lovely, leisurely break from Y&R insanity, I hope!

[movinon]

movinon, can you please send some of that rain to California? In the meantime, please stay safe from the storms. And I hope you get some sleep!

 

peach, where arrrreeee yoooooouuuuuu? enjoying a lovely, leisurely break from Y&R insanity, I hope!

I would love to send it all to you, and peach isn't paying the slightest attention to us.  I am going to take a nap, which will probably make sure that I don't sleep again tonight.  Oh, hell - VODKA will work.

[PatsyandEddie]

Is that you in puddle of vodka movinon ? 

[movinon]

Is that you in puddle of vodka movinon ? 

Well - perhaps it could be, under the right circumstances, which are just about any circumstances.  It looks like a guy - maybe it's boes - nah, he's not in Texas.

Edited July 1, 2015 by radishcake

[Petunia13]

That's shitty movinon

[movinon]

That's shitty movinon

What's shitty?  Me, my picture, our weather, or my vodka?  lol

[peach]

Hey, I'm alive!  lol  I'm getting ready for a trip to get Kid registered for college classes.  WAAAAHHHH!!!  Kid 2 in the middle of finals.  And other people keep graduating and getting confirmed and so on.  I just don't have time to even watch Y&R.  Part of me is blocking it out.  Things will settle down and then I can face it.  Kid pointed out one of those soaps mags at the grocery checkout with Adam, Sharon, Nick, and Sage on the cover, and something about will Adam's secret finally come out. I was like, omg, I haven't missed anything in WEEKS.  Although,I was like, where the hell is Chelsea in this photo?  DO NOT TELL ME.  Dammit, now I just felt a spark of curiosity.  I will be back, I promise.

My sympathies to both drought stricken and flooded friends!  :/  St Louis knows floods.  They SUCK. 

[movinon]

 

Dammit, now I just felt a spark of curiosity.  I will be back, I promise.

There she is - she lives, after all.  This time of year is hell for everybody with kids, and I remember well.  It's great to hear from you.  Chill out - we will all wait.

[peach]

Hey friends.  I've been on the road and doing lots of visiting family, and doing things with the kids and stuff.  Can't say I've missed the show too much, but I do miss all the fine, funny folks here.  I'll have to wade back in at some point.  :)

[peacheslatour]

Hi peach!  It's just good to hear from you, I think we  all missed you very much. 

[smartyshorts]

Peach so good to know you are out there in the world living life, spending time with family and breathing the air of free afternoons. 

[Slowpokey]

Great to hear from you Peach! Sounds like you are having a blast with your family and friends! You were missed!!(: 

[peach]

I did catch part of the show the other day, and I almost couldn't believe it.  Adam and Chelsea were having the same conversation they were having six weeks ago.  Although, he's apparently pretending to be Jack's son now, which was kind of WTF.  But other than that, it was all the same crap about Billy.  Nikki was apologizing to Christine the same as she was six weeks ago, and of course, Sage has a predictable miracle pregnancy and lives with Nick.  Nothing seems to have moved very far.

Edited July 2, 2015 by peach

[radishcake]

Hey friends.  I've been on the road and doing lots of visiting family, and doing things with the kids and stuff.  Can't say I've missed the show too much, but I do miss all the fine, funny folks here.  I'll have to wade back in at some point.  :)

Hey PEACH!!! Glad to see you!

[photo fox]

Peach!  It's good to see you.  I hope the Peachkids are having a great summer.
 

Nothing seems to have moved very far.

Did you see that Dullen is living in the cottage, and Sharon is carrying a toothpick (baby)?  And threatening to go off her meds again?

Yeah, because that will totally get you watching again.  Stupid Pratt.

[glowlights]

You (peach) are better off without the travesty known as Y&R, but lord how your recaps are missed. Hope your summer is going great!

 

Happy 4th, everyone! (And Happy Belated Canada Day, too.)

[peach]

Yo! Hi! Hello! Miss everyone. Hanging at the pool thinking that of my Y&R homies. Xoxo

[peach]

I just walked into a room with Y&R on (for the first time in a month).  Did Summer get a nose job??

[Slowpokey]

Yo! Hi! Hello! Miss everyone. Hanging at the pool thinking that of my Y&R homies. Xoxo

Hi Peach! Hope you are having a ton of fun!! We are muddling through! LOL Miss you girl friend!

I just walked into a room with Y&R on (for the first time in a month).  Did Summer get a nose job??

I fast forward when she is on but now you have piqued my interest and I will have to watch her to see if she has a new schnozzola! LOL

[peach]

Maybe someone got sick of her whining and flattened it out for her.  BAM!  Something looks different.

 

Just packed Kid off to college this week.  Waaaah.  12 minutes of Y&R, and I can see everyone's still a dum dum.  I have 10 episodes recorded (my default).  Is Austin in any of them? 

[Snaporaz]

I just walked into a room with Y&R on (for the first time in a month).  Did Summer get a nose job??

I axed the very same question a few months ago!

[peach]

I axed the very same question a few months ago!

Well, then, it's settled!  That was the most interesting thing I noticed.  Ha. 

 

So...she has another hazy flashback so she blame it all on sexy Harding and Noah's gonna go do something about it?  Ha.  Hilary looked beautiful and obviously doesn't want to know "the truth" about Devon who got set up anyway, and rudely threw Neil's phone in the plastic ferns in order to drag this out further.  Jack can't fool Victor, of course, and is unbelievably just keeping Marco hidden, because what could go wrong.  It's like a Dr Evil plan, as in bad.  I was not inspired to keep watching after something so dumb.  The new girl is pretty and it sounds like she's hooking up with Noah?  Go Noah. 

 

I'm guessing Kelly is dead?  Or is she just escaped somewhere so she can come back in the future?

[Snaporaz]

Jack woke up next to a dead Kelly while she was holding him hostage for Victor. Jack isn't sure whether he killed her or not.

[glowlights]

PEACH IS BACK!!!!!

 

(hello, peach, hope you're not missing your kid too much)

[movinon]

 

peach

I have 10 episodes recorded (my default).  Is Austin in any of them?

Actually he is - I was FFing and saw him, backed it up, and it was a flashback with Harding.  He said like "What are you doing with my something" but that's the only time I saw him.  Great to have you back, by the way.  My FF finger has developed arthritis, and my vodka supply is getting low.  Same old, same old......

[Slowpokey]

I axed the very same question a few months ago!

Yeah she had something done and I have to say it looks really good whatever it is! LOL She looks better.