Explain it to Me Like I'm Lily: Recaps for the Disenchanted

[peach]

Tue, Sept 9, 2014     A Fabulous Excape

 

Nikki is drinking up with Meredith Baxter Birney at the matchbook bar.  They both pretend they don’t really drink.  MBB introduces herself as Maureen, and Nikki says her name is…Sherry.  As if Maureen is never going to see her in a future awkward moment at that classy GCAC.

 

Jack finds out it’s Nurse Hathaway on the phone at the coma clinic.  Before he can find out why she’s calling, Kelly interrupts with her culinary bliss groceries.  “Wait, Nurse Hathaway, has something happened to Phyllis??”  Kelly’s like, great.

 

Abby meets up with Traci in the club lobby and tells her how the skulking stalker, Mariah, is now her niece, which totally hacks Abby off.  Traci doesn’t think it’s out of the question to feel sympathy for someone who was kidnapped this week and also at birth.  Yeah, but Mariah’s terrible and awful.  Traci says Mariah probably feels unloved and lost, and since Abby is just as sweet and kind as Cassie used to be, can’t she feel a crumb of compassion?  What?  Traci must be taking a lot of Xanax.  Abby enjoys any type of flattery, though, and will try.  She can’t stick around and look for the good in Mariah, however, because she has to go deal with the other criminal that’s been foisted upon her!

 

Criminal Stitch is hanging out at the pool upstairs, when Victoria bumps into him.  He blows her off, but she asks him to wait a minute.  Just what is going on between him and her sister?  “What do you care?” scoffs Stitch.  Dang, no more soup for you, Victoria.

 

“Sherry” and Maureen buddy up over how great it is to drink your problems away in a dive bar on the edge of town.  “It is a fabulous excape,” slurs Nikki.  Her phone starts ringing.  It’s Victor.  DECLINE.  He leaves a message and tells Connie to send her two dozen red roses because Victor’s not such a bad guy after all.  I mean, roses, amiright?  Nikki and Maureen get a refill.

 

Victoria tells Stitch she doesn’t really care, but she wants to look out for her sister.  Right.  Stitch softens toward Vicky because babies, and says he can barely tolerate Abby.  But Vicky wants to know why she saw them in a heated Stabby moment downstairs.  Oh, well THAT is because they’re working together, since Ashley hired him as a chemist at Jabot. 

 

Victoria is surprised.  Why Stitch?  Well, look at him, duh.  But Stitch says it’s because Ashley is perfecting some new wonder product.  Before he can continue spilling his guts, Abby comes up and smacks him with a rolled up paper because Stitch is a bad dog!  Bad!  Stitch looks at Victoria, like, SEE this crazy bitch?

 

Doggoneit, Jack’s lost his connection with Nurse Hathaway, and now can only get her voicemail.  He’s flustered.  Kelly tries to be sensible and supportive through gritted teeth.  She’s like, just call the clinic.

 

Abby was whacking Stitch with his contract that he obviously needs to read so he can understand the CONFIDENTIALITY agreement.  That Stitch is just a babe in the woods when it comes to the cosmetics industry, because he thinks it’s perfectly fine that he was JUST telling innocent little VICTORIA.  Abby’s like that’s Victoria NEWMAN of Newman Enterprises, their roughest, toughest competition, idiot.  She is the enemy!  Abby tells Vicky no offense, and none is taken, of course.  Vicky IS intrigued by this argument.  Stitch tells Abby there’s just no winning with her, and she is SO glad he finally understands that!  Jealous Vicky slinks off and Stabby doesn’t even notice.

 

Maureen’s friendly but tacky, and thinks someone as blonde and blinged out as Nikki must have someone she can call to rescue her, especially judging by that rock on her finger.  Her husband must be really something.  Nikki’s like, he’s something all right.  Maureen used to be married, and they commiserate over dickhead husbands and other annoying family members, like maybe judgy brother-sister combos.  Maureen thinks maybe she should bail on meeting those people today after all.  Nikki encourages her to go.  “Showing my face could stir up a lot of trouble.”

 

Jack speaks to Dr. Cutler who lies and tells him nothing is going with Phyllis, and the nurse must have called him in error.  Phyllis is listening to the whole thing but all she can do is blink.  Oh, Dr. Cutler, you have no idea who you’re messing with.  Jack doesn’t like the vibe he’s getting from this new guy.  He tells Kelly something doesn’t add up, and Daniel’s gone and there’s no one around to check up on Phyllis.  So, uh, how would Kelly feel if Jack wanted to go back down there, instead of calling SUMMER OR AVERY?  Kelly says you do what you have to do, Jack, which is kind of a loaded statement.  “But what do you hope to find?” she asks.

 

Dr. Cutler shines a light in Phyllis’ eyes.  “Caaa,” she croaks.  And the raven said, Nevermore.

 

“Sherry” and Maureen get good and hammered and talk about what strong cookies they are and not to take any garbage anymore.  They are SISTERS!!!!  High Five!!

 

Naïve Stitch claims he understands confidentiality while lecturing cynical Abby about how okay it is to tell Victoria stuff that is none of her business.  Not everyone has a hidden agenda, says Stitch.  “Says the doctor with a hidden murder in his past,” laughs Abby.  Stitch would like her to resist using the word “murder” in every conversation.  Abby drools, “Behind those bright blue eyes and that smile of yours, you ARE a murderer!”  Oops, she did it again. 

 

Her true feelings start leaking out as she describes how cute and doctory he is, and how she even liked him enough to [totally do him] set him up with her mom.  She just doesn’t get it.  She’s been furious with her dad on occasion but she could never do what he did, maybe because the only abuse Abby ever suffered is hating her stepmothers.  She needs Mariah to check her right now.  How could you be someone we all liked and then have done something so reprehensible, asks the spawn of Victor Newman.  He stares at her for a minute, then just signs the contract, throws down the pen, and storms off.

 

Vicky gets to the office and asks Victor if he knows Ashley is back at Jabot?  Nope. Victor can’t keep up with squat anymore.  Vicky wonders why they’re keeping it such a big secret.  Apparently, Ashley’s working on a top secret new product, so maybe they need to rethink the N/C cosmetics rollout for the rest of the year.  It’s September, but whatever.  Just change that shit up over the weekend.

 

Victor’s grinning because Victoria is back in her element, trying to keep the family business on top.  It warms to the cockles of his shriveled, blackened heart.  They wonder why Jabot would hire Stitch.  What skill does he have that they would want?  Oh, I think you’re very familiar with that skill, Victoria.  She tells Victor how Stitch let it slip about the new product.  He’s like, heeey, you have the inside track.  Victoria asks if he really wants her to spy on her possible baby daddy?  He’s like, sure, why not?

 

Nikki’s practically licking the inside of her glass before Maureen orders some coffee.  They slur about what an inspiration Nikki is in facing problems, if by facing them you mean sobbing all over Paul, pissing off Cricket, and sneaking off to get wasted.

 

Jack is freaking out about the clinic situation, and Kelly suggests he call Summer and Avery, you know, the people in charge of her care.  Jack thinks he’s being insensitive instead of just stupid.  Kelly is amazing, she gets grief, blah blah love blah.  Traci walks in.  Kelly thinks Jack should talk to HER about Phyllis, and she runs off to work for a while, culinary bliss be damned.  Jack tells Traci he’s thinking of seeing Phyllis again.  She thinks he’s having trouble letting go.

 

Victor says Stitch hid a crime from Victoria, so she shouldn’t feel bad about a little corporate espionage, for God’s sake.  Vicky would love to play Stitch for information, IF there wasn’t a chance they would be raising this baby together.  Victor rolls his eyes.  Since when does that matter?  Vicky promises to at least keep her eyes and ears open about the project, which should be good enough with Stitch’s loose lips. 

 

She asks him not to gloat too much about her other information, and Victor says he’ll try to contain himself, even though he looks pretty excited.  Vicky and Billy are officially divorced.  So at least something good is happening today.  Victor gets a phone call and immediately forgets about loose lips when he says to tell Dr. Cutler to wait.  Victoria asks who is Dr. Cutler? He's Victor's new lackey.

 

A cab shows up for Nikki.  Maureen promises everything Nikki told her is in “the vault.”  Nikki says no vaults are necessary because everything about her is on the front of the tabloids.  Including your name, Sherry.

 

Stitch stops by to see Kelly and tells her he got a job at Jabot.  He says Jack probably doesn’t even know about it, since his sister hired him.  Kelly’s glad someone is willing to overlook his past.  Yep, that Ashley is okay in his book.  Not everyone is so willing to forget.  “That’s the past, Ben.  It can come take a bite out of your life anytime it feels like it,” she says bitterly.

 

Jack insists he IS letting Phyllis go, he just thinks there is something really wrong.  Traci doesn’t think one aborted phone call should have him this upset.  Yeah, but he had a DREAM about Phyllis in his bed, Traci.   She’s like, omg, please don’t tell Kelly that.  Jack insists he doesn’t think about Phyllis all the time, even though that’s the only thing they ever talk about.  Blah blah blah.  So what’s stopping him from checking on her?

 

Victor tells Victoria that Dr. Cutler is doing some fascinating research.  Hey, kind of like Bonaventure?  That disappeared?  Victor says if it gets the results he expects, then everyone will hear about  it!  Especially Sharon.  Vicky leaves.  Dr. Cutler tells Victor he’s had to damage control because Phyllis’ nurse tried to alert Mr. Abbott.  “Under no circumstances must Jack Abbott know about this,” warns Victor.  Dr. Cutler understands, and he’ll handle it, because he must really want to go to jail or something.

 

He tells Victor that Phyllis is croaking some noises now, so Victor wants him to push ahead with more treatment.   He warns Victor about side effects that could mean Phyllis isn’t…the same.. anymore.  She already looks much shorter to me, so he better be careful.  Victor informs him that Phyllis Newman is a risk taker.  She would WANT him to increase the treatment.  Which is probably true.  “So the risks be damned, youdoit!”  Hey, Victor, remember when side effects made Sharon forget the secret?  Didn’t think so.

 

Kelly and Stitch discuss Victoria at the club, when good old Maureen shows up.  “What are the odds I’d find you two at the same time?"  At the GCAC?   Pretty damn high.  Kelly and Stitch look at her in sort of horrified surprise.  “Mom??” they blurt together.  Maureen claps her hands in delight.

 

Abby visits Victoria at the office to smooth things over.  It wasn’t her idea to hire Stitch, and she doesn’t want Vicky to be uncomfortable.  Vicky’s like, who, me?  She’s not uncomfortable!  Well, Abby is.  And she thinks Stitch is still “gone” over Victoria and only took this job so he could stick around GC.  Vicky has no worries unless maybe Stitch is working with hazardous materials?  Abby’s like nice try getting details on her mom’s top secret project.  They laugh.  Abby tells her not to worry because Stitch has been warned to stay far away from Vicky.  Vicky’s like…yay?

 

Jack says LOVE is what's stopping him.  He's too in love with Kelly to run off to Phyllis every time he feels a pang.  His best course of action is just to move on.  The clinic will notify Avery or Summer if anything is going on.

 

Nurse Hathaway has slipped back into Phyllis’ room, probably to get that ring back.  Dr. Cutler tells her she’s been warned not to set foot in this wing again.  But she just wants to say goodbye to Phyllis!  He tells her not to get so attached to patients and NEVER call a patient’s family again!  Sad Nurse Hathaway leaves. 

 

Phyllis is getting pissed enough to make a whole word now.  “Caaallll,” she croaks out.  And I don’t think she means Victor.  Dr. Cutler is like, THIS IS AMAZING!  “Your mental faculties are starting to come back!”  Wait, maybe that’s a problem.  He steals her phone out of her room!  Phyllis stares.  You are on her list now, Dr. Cutler.

 

Drunk Nikki gets home and finds her huge rose arrangement.  What-ever.  She reads the card.  “My dearest Nikki, blah blah blah blah.”  Reading is a lot of work.  He says he loves her determination to speak the truth.  “The truth,” mumbles Nikki, “if only he knew.”  She accidentally knocks the flowers on the floor, right when Victor walks in.  Uhh, hi!

Edited September 14, 2014 by peach

[peacheslatour]

 

Does anyone want me to fill in the gap on Tue-Wed

Yes, please!

[peach]

Yes, please!

 

It occurred to me after I asked, that Recaps by Peach are not required reading for anyone, lol.  Scrolling is always an option!  Duh!  This show is making me stupid.

[Desperately Random]

I know a few people have said they read this in lieu of watching the show, so I guess I'll fill it in.  I have a little time since it's the weekend, I just didn't want it to get annoying if it's too much back and forth.  Tuesday was a bit of a filler episode.

I would be one of those. I haven't watched since before Jeanne Cooper died but I am all caught up thanks to your wonderful recaps which I know are better and more entertaining than the actual show. I almost tuned in to see Shemar Moore (loved him as Malcolm) but reading about Kneel's "acting" since he has lost his sight made me change my mind. I will probably tune in when Justin comes on as Adam. Hopefully Kneel will have had his eyesight miraculously restored by then.

[peach]

Wed, Sept 10, 2014  Malcolm Is In The House!

 

Victor asks Nikki if the roses are on floor because she’s upset with him.  No, it was just an accident.  Did she stumble into the table, or what?  Geez, Victor, people stumble all the TIME after drinking all day.  It’s not a big deal.  “Sweetheart, stop the nonsense.  I know what’s really happening.”  As if Victor ever knows what’s going on anymore.  Nikki looks drunk from all the way over here.

 

Lily thrills us along with Neil and Hilary by reading a news article about the leaked journal.  Neil says Ian Ward is a piece of garbage.  Lily asks if he’d like her to read the sports section now.  “Forget about that, no,” says Neil, because omg, Lily is boring.  Don’t they have a TV? 

 

Hilary helps Neil with his coffee and tells him about voice command programs that he can use to pull up articles online.  There are so many apps he could use to make things easier (which is actually kind of interesting).  Neil snaps at her for being of practical help, he doesn’t LIKE IT!  Leave his crabby ass alone!  “Just stop!” bitches Neil. 

 

“You know what, Dad, maybe YOU should just stop,” says Lily.  “She’s only trying to help you.”  Neil is so unreasonable that even LILY feels bad for Hilary now.  Plus she doesn’t LIKE reading boring stories out loud just because he won’t use an app.  Hilary is shocked by her support.

 

Devon sees Cane at the club but he’s gotta run off, because he did this thing for Neil, but he just got a phone call and now the whole thing’s going to blow up in his face.  He runs off.  Devon and I don’t get it, so Devon follows him.

 

Dylan’s reading that news story about Nikki and Ian.  Avery snatches the paper out of his hand and tells him to read the sports section instead.  She tries to talk football with Dylan, but his priority is Ian’s whereabouts.  She knows Paul will call them with any news.  Maybe, says Dylan, but all he knows is he’s not going back to him again.  Oh, Paul, letting so many Newman affiliates down.

 

Paul hasn’t let the Governor down, though, because he’s been chosen to receive a Distinguished Citizens Award!  Cricket thinks that’s INCREDIBLE!  Paul thinks it’s mind-blowing, really.  IKR?   Cricket wants to celebrate!  But Paul tells her not to make any elaborate plans, no parties or anything.  He makes her promise.  “Whatever you say,” smiles Cricket.  Her eyes match her dark green dress in an amazing way, she should wear that color more often, but her hair is still hanging down her face.  Paul says he’s had enough surprises this year to last him a lifetitme.

 

Kelly and Stitch are still stunned to see Mom/Maureen at the club.  “Can’t a mother come see her own children?”  Kelly looks like she smelled spoiled milk, while Maureen grabs Stitch and hugs him.  Obviously we know who’s her favorite.  Eventually Kelly stiffly accepts a hug as well.  Maureen says when she found out that they were both living in the same town she just had to come and visit!  “Why are you really here?” asks Kelly.  To party with Sherry, baby!

 

Neil is getting SICK of everyone helping him!!  WHAT is so terrible about that, asks Lily.  Neil bitches some more until Devon and Cane interrupt.  Neil appreciates them coming by, but he really doesn’t want any company!  So everyone can just get up and LEAVE!  “Even me?” asks a smooth voice.  Neil kind of freezes.  “Is that Malcolm?”  Sexy Malcolm comes around the corner.  “Yeah, Neil, it’s me.  I’m back.”  Oh, yeah, you can stay.

 

Lily is shocked.  Malcolm says it feels really good to be home.  “Hi!” says excited Lily.  He’s like, WOW, you are all grown up.  But you’re still wearing the same tiny clothes.  Devon is also glad to see him.  Then Malcolm spots gorgeous Hilary and asks who might this be?  “That’s my WIFE,” Neil almost shouts, an edge of hysteria in his voice.  Yeah, Malcolm figured that out.  “It is truly a pleasure to meet you,” he says.

 

Fun Flashback Time!  It’s approximately 100 years ago and super young Neil and Malcolm talk about Malcolm coming back to GC and his life doing a complete turnaround.  Neil looks like Grace Slick.  Malcolm asks Neil to be his best man, who would be honored, especially since he's going to steal his woman.

 

This memory doesn’t please Neil.  He says Malcolm sounds surprised to hear he’s married.  Uh, isn’t everyone?  Cane says he called Malcolm from the hospital and didn’t even know he was coming til this morning.  Malcolm was in Brazil, but booked a job in Virginia, so he can visit for a couple of days.  Neil’s not impressed since Malcolm barely even sends an email these days.

 

FLASHBACK!  It gets cheesier.  Malcolm has braids and a brand new bandanna wrapped around his head.  Edgy.  Neil is telling him he was almost destroyed thinking he was responsible for his death, and then he comes in town to see his wife, his daughter and doesn’t even talk to him?  Man, this close talking thing runs in the family.  Malcolm is angry and says if Neil had just stayed AWAY from his fiancée he wouldn’t have lost three years of his life!  It’s bad karma between them, man.  Sure, we faked being brothers, until I got in your way and you left me for dead.  I got no use for you, you don’t exist in my life.

 

Present day Malcolm says, “There’s my big brother, the buzz kill.”  Neil says, “The prodigal brother returns. If you came here because of my accident, you wasted your trip, man.  I don’t need your pity.”  No, you need your ass kicked.

 

Avery asks why Dylan wouldn’t go back to Paul.  He just doesn’t want to bug him.  And maybe he doesn’t know what to do about the whole daddy thing, either.  Again with the cut on the hand.  Dylan says it’s just a scratch.  Avery ponders.

 

Paul tells Cricket after all this Ian Ward crap, the best celebration she could give him is time alone with her.  Cricket thinks it’s disgusting what Ian did to Mariah.  Not to mention terrorizing Nikki in her own home, adds Paul.  Yeah, whatever.  Paul says they found evidence at the ranch and he needs to ask Nikki and Victor what they know about it.

 

Nikki tells Victor he’s never around enough to know what is going on with her.  He’s worried about her health.  She will scream if he brings up MS again, and he is overreacting.  He says they ARE going to the doctor tomorrow.  She shouts that she doesn’t need his help!  “What’s the matter with you?” barks Victor.  She’s supposed to do whatever he says, dammit.

 

Nikki puts the flowers on the buffet all by herself which proves she is not an invalid.  She’s tired, though, and needs to rest.  Paul rings the doorbell, giving Nikki a chance to grab a mint!  She’s so tricky!  Paul comes in and says he’s been concerned about her.  That makes of two of them, says Victor.  I guess he forgot he told Paul not to protect Nikki a couple of hours ago. 

 

Kelly sharply tells Maureen that she hasn’t seen her since Sam’s funeral.  Maureen thinks that’s both of their faults.  “I figured you would say that,” says Kelly.  Stitch tries to smooth things over and says they’ve all been through a lot.  Maureen says this isn’t easy for her either, she had to stop and get a DRINK to deal with them.  “Just what every proud daughter wants to hear,” sneers Kelly.  Stitch wants Kell to give Mom a chance.  Kelly still wants an answer about this visit.

 

“I’m here,” says Maureen, “because…I’m worried about your brother.”  Yep, Kelly knew it.  Mama’s Boy Stitch looks pleased by that because of course.  In fairness to Maureen, the last time she talked to Stitch, he told her his past was catching up to him and people might be asking her questions.  So what’s up with that?

 

Cricket is at Crimson Lights where she and Avery discuss Leslie becoming a prosecutor.  Cricket asks how Dylan is handling the latest Ian fiasco, and Avery says he’s doing well considering it’s Dylan we’re talking about.   Dylan says his liver has learned the importance of self-restraint.  Cricket has something boring to discuss with them.

 

Malcolm is NOT there to pity Neil, he’s there to look out for him.  Malcolm doesn’t do pity.  FLASHBACK!  Malcolm wants to take buzzkill Neil to Chi-ca-go!  Why would Neil want to go there?  Uh, Michael Jordan?  Nothin’ but net!  This nice memory makes Neil relent.  They all make plans for later, and leave Malcolm and Neil to catch up on some more flashbacks.

 

"What are you doing here?" snaps Neil.  Malcolm cares about him, okay?  Neil bitches about him racing into town playing the concerned uncle, pretending as if he’s REAL family.  So he’s NOT family?  He's kicking him to the curb for not sending a post card?  He’s like, if you want to keep it real, Neil, let’s remember the last time I was here, with Sophia and Moses.  Yeah, remember that, Neil?

 

Neil reaches out to feel Malcolm’s pecs.  Can you blame him?  He says that’s not why Malcolm is really there.  It’s because he’s dying to unload something on him…even a blind man can see that.  And also that he’s been working out.  “Wow, you’re right,” says Malcolm.  “Maybe my blind brother can see after all.”  That’s deep, Malcolm.

 

Malcolm also came there for himself.  He wants to make peace.  Ha, Neil knew it.  Malcolm isn’t proud of how he took off after he found out Neil was Moses’ father.  He was spewing bitterness and hate, and  he should have come back long before now.

 

FLASHBACK!  Neil tells Edgy Malcolm that he’d thought lots of times what he would do differently, and now there he is, back in their lives.  It’s nothing short of a miracle!  Doesn’t Malcolm see that this is their chance, yet he wants to split!  Doesn’t he want to be brothers again?  Malcolm says nothing is ever that easy.

 

Neil says he hated the way Malcolm left last time.  He betrayed him with Sophia, and he’s not proud of it.  He’s sorry.  Well, Malcolm’s sorry about betraying him with Dru.  Let’s call it even.  Neil says he’s impressed.  What, that Malcolm finally grew up?  Neil says it had to happen sooner or later.  Malcolm asks “So when are YOU going to grow up, Neil?”  Neil’s like WHAT?  “Did I stutter?”  He walked in there and saw his big brother being a brat.  Neil gets mad again. 

 

“Wow,” says Malcolm, “you are still stubborn, and arrogant, and egotistical.  You haven’t changed.”  “NO!” shouts Neil.  “IT’S YOU!  YOU HAVEN’T CHANGED!”  He knows that Malcolm is just itching to run out that door again, like he always does.  So why doesn’t he just do it, and leave. 

 

Malcolm is like, I came here for YOU.  He’s done a lot of soul searching and wants to share with Neil, “But as usual, you are just one tough, abrasive man!”  They are all each other has got!  Well, except for all those other annoying family members, but whether Neil likes it or not, they need each other. 

 

“So I’m gonna love ya, Neil.  Just like I always have.  You can fight it if you want to, but I love you.  And I’m gonna keep on loving you, even if you make it hurt.”  Neil’s face is scrunched up like he’s smelling the spoiled milk now, but Malcolm hugs him tight, even though Neil keeps his hands stuffed his pockets.

 

Supportive mom Maureen says Stitch has gone from being a doctor…to mixing lipstick colors?  Stitch says it’s a terrific opportunity!  She’s proud of his positive attitude but is he sure he ought to stay?  Doesn’t he want to get away from dirty looks and questions?  Oh, Abby is the fun part of his job.  But Stitch says the reason he’s around is because he may have a baby on the way.

 

WOO HOO!  Maureen is super excited about a baby!  Kelly stares uncomfortably at the table.  Stitch says it’s, um, a long story.  Well, is she going to be a grandmother?  Because that would be WONDERFUL, she crows, throwing her hands in the air!  Kelly’s like…awk-ward.  Maureen catches herself and apologizes for being insensitive about her dead grandkid.   But hey, Kelly seems to have, um, done well and moved on? 

 

Kelly’s like, oh, are we going to pretend to talk about me now?  She says she enjoys her job and the new man in her life.  Yea, whatever, but she’s close to her BROTHER again!  Maureen is SO glad they’ve gotten over their differences, and all that…ugliness..has been forgotten!  Kelly is PISSED.  “My father’s death…and the way you cared more about rushing to Ben’s defense than you did your own husband being MURDERED..have NOT been forgotten.”  And we thought Neil was a buzz kill.

 

Cricket is having a surprise party for Paul, since he expressly asked her not to.  Now HE wants to spend time alone with her, so she throws a party.  You’re very fickle, Cricket.  She thinks he will complain at first but really appreciate it anyway, especially if Dylan comes.  He’s like, um, okay.  And Cricket thinks they should clear the air.

 

Meanwhile, Paul is busy worrying over Nikki.  How could she be fine with Ian out there?  “Yeah,” says Victor, “with Ian Ward out there.” He shouldn’t be out there, should he, because Paul’s team should have found him by now.  Well, your team is lot more expensive and can’t do it either, Victor, so maybe shut up.  Paul’s team has at least found some evidence on the property.  “What do you mean on the property,” asks Victor, “do you mean here??”  No, he means Park Place, Victor.  He has a hotel on it, pay him a thousand dollars.  Paul says they found traces of blood and an overturned planter in the driveway.  So their gardeners suck, too.

 

“BLOOD?!,” asks Nikki?  Whose blood?  Omg, Dylan ran out after Ian and chased him in the driveway!!  Thanks, Mom.  Actually, they already KNEW THAT, so who cares.  But Victor asks if they’re suggesting that Dylan and Ian had an altercation.  Paul has no reason to doubt Dylan’s story.   And Ian could have just injured himself when he was escaping.  Nikki’s just glad Dylan’s not in trouble.  Paul tells her not to worry about their son.  She needs to take care of HERSELF and go sleep this one off.  They both make Victor sick.

 

Maureen doesn’t know why Kelly is attacking her, when she and her brother have made peace.  “Ben and I have worked very hard to get to where we are,” including Kelly’s hard work of ruining his life twice.  Kelly says she can’t just waltz in here and assume everything is fine, because they’re barely on speaking terms!  Stitch says they all need to take a deep breath.  Maureen knows they can’t fix everything in a couple of days, but at least she made the first step!  She’s the only mother they’ve got you know. 

 

It’s okay, you can switch moms in GC, but Kelly agrees to at least meet her for coffee.  Probably Irish coffee.  Maureen figures she’ll stay at that crappy motel on the edge of town, but Kelly says she works there, Ma, she can get her a break on the room.  Ma?  Are they from Boston now?  Of course, that’s what Maureen was expecting.

 

Devon, Hilary, Cane, and Lily get to the club, where they try to fill her in on Malcolm.  See, Sophia was Malcolm’s wife, and Neil knocked her up, sooo….it’s a little difficult.  See, Hilary, it’s okay to cheat with Devon, it’s how the Winters roll.  Or maybe you could upgrade to Malcolm now.  They all hope Malcolm can reach Neil in a way they haven’t.

 

Malcolm asks Neil what it’s like to be blind, um, temporarily.  Honestly, it sucks.  Malcolm wonders if he’s tempted to drink again.  He says that hasn’t been an issue, but what gets him through is knowing he WILL see again.  Malcolm says what if it’s never.  Neil doesn’t believe in that word!  Never is for people who never learned better.  Didn’t you just use “never” in that sentence?  Neil’s delusions are worse now, because not only can he hear people thinking, now he believes he can FLY, and that he is the luckiest man in the WORLD!  Malcolm’s like, shit.  This is a lot worse than he thought.

 

Malcolm says did you just call yourself LUCKY?  Like that's weirder than saying he can FLY.  Well, he’s lucky to be alive, because that electrical surge could have killed him.  Fair point.  Plus he has a great family and he married the awesomest woman the world.  Malcolm’s like..yeah.  She’s beautiful, but not what he expected.  “What’s that supposed to mean?” asks Neil.

 

Cricket says she and Dylan haven’t had a chance to talk since they found out he’s Paul’s kid.  She won’t deny it’s been kind of rough for her sometimes, but even if she has issues with Nikki, she doesn’t have any with him.   That’s super generous of her since he almost died saving Paul’s life.  Cricket says she’s happy he and Paul found each other and she wants to make it easier for them.  Dylan says Paul seems to have a lot of expectations, but Cricket is reminding him he can’t push it.  CRICKET says, “I’m really good at letting things unfold at their own pace.”  Like that infant she’s been demanding lately.  She hopes even if they aren’t a family that Dylan will consider them friends.  Sure, no problem, especially if he never has to go to jail.

 

Nikki tells Victor they all want the same thing, so he should stop giving Paul attitude.  The fact that Ian Ward is running around out there doesn’t sit well with him!  Okay?  So if that means he’s short with people or demands they do their damn jobs, so be it!  Didn’t Victor threaten Ian a long time ago, and then just let him get away with all this?  Nikki needs her life back!  Victor says especially now, Victoria needs her now more than ever.  Her divorce with Billy is final.  Yeah, she needs her mom so much, she didn’t even tell her.  Nikki rushes off.

 

Kelly gives Maureen a key to a room, and now she has to go.  BYE.  Stitch tells her she really didn’t need to come to GC.  She thinks she did, but it does seem like everything’s under control.  Stitch leaves, and she picks up a newspaper on the bar.  There on the front page is a picture of Sherry.  “Sherry is Mrs. Victor Newman? Well, I’ll be damned.”  She laughs.  I really kind of like Maureen.

 

Sherry is worshipping the porcelain god in her bathroom, puking up her vodka.   Ugh, not in your pretty suit!   “Omg,” moans Nikki.  “What am I doing?”  The fabulous excape is over.

 

Avery and Dylan talk about how nice Cricket is for inviting them to a party, and that’s just what they need to get a glimpse of how nice life will be when everything settles down.  An anvil lands on the counter.

 

Paul tells Victor they have the evidence they need and the cops will stop blocking their driveway now.  So, where’s Nikki?  Well, she’s not available, Paul.  Awk-ward.  Victor manages to thank Paul for being considerate with Nikki, but between them, does he think there really was an altercation between Dylan and Ian?  Paul doesn’t want to say, he just wants to get this guy.  So, obviously yes.

 

Lily thanks Cane for calling Malcolm, and they decide to do it in her office again.  Do they, like, tie a sock on the doorknob to warn Kelly, or what?

 

Hilary sits with Devon.  Her mind is blown from meeting the infamous Malcolm.  He has that effect on people, Hilary.  She can’t believe how different he is from Neil.  Devon says they have quite the past with their history of always wanting the same woman…  he suddenly realizes what that means and stares at Hilary.  It’s kind of embarrassing.

 

Malcolm tells Neil to relax, he’s not throwing shade on his wife.  She’s beautiful and cares about him.  So what’s the deal, then?  Uh, she’s a little YOUNG.  Neil gets mad again. He says the age difference doesn’t matter to them.  “For now,” says Malcolm.  He says Hilary has her whole life ahead of her, and Neil’s halfway done.   Does Neil really think that if he ends up permanently blind that Hilary’s going to stick around for that?  Lol, geez, thanks for coming by, Malcolm.  And he’s got a whole extra day to hit Neil with this stuff.

[peacheslatour]

 

Kelly looks like she smelled spoiled milk,

I was thinking sucking a lemon, but this is much better!

[LeftPhalange]

 

Kelly looks like she smelled spoiled milk

 

Kelly's personality is the equivalent of a carton of spoiled milk. 

Edited September 13, 2014 by LeftPhalange

[peach]

I'm caught up on my watching, and I'm working on my Friday recap because the Shick fans deserve their due after all these years.  Can't skip this one! 

[peach]

Friday, Sept 12, 2014 Shick Will Have Their Due  ;P

 

Sharon and Faith are happily back from a back-to-school shopping trip.  Nick is glad to see them.  He says he and Mommy need to go somewhere, so Noah is there to babysit.  Sharon’s like what’s up?  Nick has a blindfold, that’s what’s up.  Happy Family music is playing, so I guess this is not a scary blindfold. Nick says he doesn’t mess around when it comes to blindfolds, so she just needs to go with it.  Sharon smiles.

 

Avery pops in on Dylan at the coffee shop, where he’s wrapping a gift in the back section.  It took her three stores to find a card that would be quite right for “Distinguished Citizens Award.”  Ummm…Congratulations?  Kinda simple.  But Avery just went with a blank card.  Is this like the apron conversation?  How does Avery stand this?  She also got Paul a gift card for the Crimson Lights.  That is so lame, Dylan actually makes a facial expression when laughing at her.  He made his own gift for Paul, though.  Fishing lures.  Is a Distinguished Citizens Award really a handmade gift occasion?  Seems excessive.  Blah blah BLAH.

 

She asks if he’s feeling better about his relationship with Paul?  “You mean am I ready to go all in on this father-son thing?”  Omg, you already handmade him fishing lures.  What does “going all in” look like?  Are you going to build him a house?  Avery gets a phone call from a judge, so we are spared any more of this.

 

Lauren’s setting out flowers for the party Paul doesn’t want.  Cricket thinks everyone should share in his ups and downs.  This is going to be a nice surprise, she says.

 

Paul is busy at the station badgering some lowly cop to get on the phone and get him that forensics report ASAP.   Michael asks what’s going on.  Well, they found blood in Victor’s driveway, but the bloodinator is backlogged, and surprisingly they can’t do DNA analysis in 30 minutes or it’s free.  And if he doesn’t get the blood analysis soon, he’s going to have to call Chris and cancel dinner!  Because he’s going to be busy..waiting?  Michael worries.  WHAT ABOUT THE PARTY???

 

Jack runs into Kelly in the lobby of their house.  She’s wearing a bright red dress.  She’s off to meet her mother.   She showed up out of the blue, and Kelly’s still in shock!  Jack would love to meet her mom!  “Oh, God, no,” says Kelly.

 

Stitch is hanging out in Maureen’s suite.  He says Kelly did her right, this is a lot nicer than the couch he had to offer.  Mo says providing her with a nice room is not the same as all is forgiven.  “You saw the way she treated me,” complains Mo.  Stitch says they were both pretty intense.  Mo had hoped Kelly had softened a little bit.  She never could connect with her, because she was always Daddy’s girl.

 

Stitch says he knows she came to check on him, and it’s been rough, but he’s handling it.  She doesn’t have to stick around because of him, just so Kelly can crap all over her.  Mo admits she almost turned around and went home, but she got some very good drunken advice from a very nice lying socialite.

 

Nikki is hanging around the ranch in a pink blouse.  Victor comes home to take her to Paul’s party, so why isn’t she ready?  Does she need to find a tiara or something to be ready?  Nikki doesn’t think they should go.  After the way he treated Paul yesterday, she doesn’t think it’s a good idea.  Isn’t that how Victor treats everyone?  He didn’t punch him in the liver or anything.  Victor says if the Chief of Police had been looking for Ian Ward instead of trampling on his property, he wouldn’t be upset.  Bicker bicker.

 

He asks what would make Nikki feel better.  If he would stop going on all these stupid business trips when she needs him.  Victor admits he’s had too many things on his mind, which is really just the one thing which is DESTROY SHARON!  He promises to be by her side from now on, and go to the party and not argue with Paul.  But what about Christine, whines Nikki.  That woman takes every opportunity to criticize her when she barges in on her.  He says Chris is the one who invited her!

 

Lauren and Chris drink wine.  Paul’s completely recovered from his liver transplant in a matter of weeks, but Chris isn’t pushing the baby right now because he’s under too much pressure.  Lauren’s definitely not getting pregnant, but she and Michael are FINE.  They’re fine.  She downs her drink.

 

Michael can’t believe that Paul would cancel dinner just to wait for a phone call.  He has a thing called a cell phone!  Omg, Paul gets the results!!  The blood is Ian Ward’s!  Jeffrey comes in and interrupts Michael because he got a parking ticket.  Meanwhile Paul is getting more cops canvassing the area right now.  How is that different from what they were doing before?  Paul says he has to go do his JOB!  He leaves.  Michael’s like that’s just great.  WHAT ABOUT THE PARTY???

 

Avery is off the phone and wants to finish their conversation about Paul.  Not me….  Blah blah, then he hustles Avery out of the shop because something very important is about to happen in there, and he promised not to be there.

 

Nick escorts blindfolded Sharon in.  He says he doesn’t have a DeLorean, but they are going to go back in time.  He takes off the blindfold to reveal Crimson Lights completely decorated for a tiki party.   Omg, she says, it’s just like their college dance!  Instant parties are all the rage today.

 

Kelly apologizes to Jack and says she would LOVE for him to meet her mom, but maybe not today.  He knows they aren’t close.  Kelly says her mom always felt distant to her, even when she said she loved Kelly it was like she held something back.  So she had her dad.  But after he went up in flames, things got even worse.  They really had it out over Stitch.

 

Kelly just doesn’t want Jack stuck in the middle of all of that.  Jack says he’s the world’s best negotiator.  He may be the best thing to happen between Kelly and her mom.  Savior Complex much?  He tells Kelly she’s not alone, let him help her.

 

Maureen tells Stitch about how Sherry/Nikki helped her see that she was strong enough to face her demons, which apparently refers to Kelly.  Sherry even gave her a high five.  Stitch says who’s stronger than his mom?  She says she’s staying and supporting her son who’s under siege and that’s that.  “Yes ma’am,” says Stitch.

 

She says the first order of business is that he has GOT to get a DNA test!  He doesn’t want to get hit with a paternity suit if he’s not the father!  Stitch kind of laughs.  Uh, Victoria isn’t going to sue him, that’s not who she is, which is a billionaire.  Victoria Newman, that is.  OMG, as in Nikki and Victor Newman?  Yup.  Well, that’s a horse of a different color!  He must really care for her…but she doesn’t feel the same?  Stitch looks mopey, but that’s okay, there’s another Newman daughter.

 

Victor and Nikki arrive at the party.  Cricket awkwardly but nicely greets them.  Avery and Dylan get there.  Victor thanks him for protecting Nikki from Ian.  Let’s all have a drink!  Nikki grimaces.

 

Nick and Sharon drink smoothies out of pineapples and reminisce about the good old days when Nick was a smooth operator and nobody could resist the Newman charm.  They crowned him King of the Polynesian Dance!  And Sharon was his Queen.  “Long may we reign,” toasts Nick.  I don’t care how stupid this is, I love it.  Sharon says this is really amazing…but what’s going on?

 

Phyllis must feel this from 1,000 miles away and has graduated to full body twitching and spazzing.  Sharon is NOT HIS QUEEN!!!

 

Summer came by to relieve Noah from babysitting duties.  Faith talks about their awesome new sister!  Summer’s like, yeaaaah.  Faith whispers to Summer, “don’t tell Mariah, but you’re still my favorite sister.”  Aww, the pwetty pwincess wins top sister.

 

Nick says so much has happened in their lives that he thinks they need to take some time to appreciate who they are and what they have.  Sharon says because of all they’ve been through she appreciates it even more.  She knows what it’s like to be lost…to act out for days on end and wake up with that sick feeling in the pit of her stomach knowing she’s hurt the people she loves.  And not knowing if they will love her back again.  Nick says he fell in love with her in this room, and there hasn’t been a moment since that he hasn’t felt that way.  “I love you, and I always will.”  Sharon is overjoyed, and they embrace.

 

Michael isn’t going to solve Jeffrey’s parking ticket problem.  But Jeffrey will give him something for it.  “An ulcer?” asks Michael.  Nooo, he heard Paul say Ian Ward’s car was found at the race track yesterday.  Guess who else was there?  Like he needs to guess, Jeffrey is always at the race track.  And is, uh,…Dylan McAvoy?  Michael’s like, say what?  Yep, Dylan was there and looked pretty upset.  “Who knew the chief’s kid played the ponies?”  Who knew Jeffrey was such a narc?

 

Dylan brings Nikki a club soda and Avery a martini that Nikki kind of drinks with her eyes.  They all admire Super Dylan.  Lauren frets that Michael hasn’t called yet to say Paul is on his way.  Why don’t they just call 911?  That should get him there.  Cricket realizes Paul might skip dinner because he’s so wrapped up in finding Ian Ward which made this a great night to have a party.  Victor hopes he IS wrapped up in that because Ian is a bad man.  Cricket agrees and worries.  Victor assures her that a man will do anything for the family he loves, ANYTHING.  Like harass coma victims til he can DESTROY SHARON.

 

Phyllis jerks around and speaks in tongues.

 

Summer looks at photos of Cassie and pouts.  Noah asks her what she’s so afraid of.   Summer complains that it’s so unfair that Mariah is their blood sister, AND she’s Cassie’s twin.  Noah’s like so what?  “It’s like Cassie’s come back to life!”  The little girl that died before her time, she’s back, and Summer can’t compete with that.  Yeah, but it’s like Pet Sematary and Cassie came back a mean, bitchy monster.  Noah says it’s only a competition if Summer makes it one.  But Summer has to be number one, Noah.  She’s so confused about everything.  She insists she [emotionally blackmails] loves Jack the landlord so much, but honestly, she doesn’t really know if she can ever accept it.  

 

Stitch asks why Maureen thinks Victoria wouldn’t be in to him?  Um, because you need a paternity test?  He insists that if the baby IS his, Victoria will keep him around, unlike Jenna.  There’s a knock on the door, and there are Kelly and Jack.  Maureen wasn’t expecting that.  Jack schmoozes her and says he strong armed Kelly into bringing him because he couldn’t wait to meet the mother of the woman he fell in love with.  Maureen is about to fall at his feet.  Kelly’s like, damn, Jack is good.  Is this how he does all his negotiations?

 

Jack keeps charming Maureen, especially since they’re practically family.  She almost can’t breathe from excitement.  Stitch lumbers into the conversation and says their lives also seem to be syncing up since he’s going to be working for Ashley.  Jack is like, what?

 

Cricket apologizes for the party being a nonstarter.  Lauren chats with Avery about the new Baldwin Clark partnership.  Avery says it’s going great and has lightened their case loads already!  Lauren’s like…it has?  Then why does Michael claim to be working late?  Ummmm… well, there’s always something that comes up, even partnerships can’t prevent that.  “I suppose not,” says suspicious Lauren.

 

Paul wanders into the party.  “Well, look who finally made it,” says Christine.  “Surprise,” she says weakly.  Paul disapproves.

 

Sharon tells Nick they were so innocent back then, so invincible.  FLASHBACK!  Baby Nick surprises Baby Sharon about buying Crimson Lights.   They talk about how great it was back then, when they had finally found Cassie, he had finally popped the question.  The question she’s been avoiding the past few months.  Sharon laughs and said it made sense to marry him then, because he was the hottest hottie to ever hottie. 

 

FLASHBACK!  Baby Nick stumbles and stammers and proposes to Baby Sharon.  Even their voices are so young!  Was I this young then, too?  Sharon’s smiling with teary eyes.  “It made sense for you to marry me back then,” says Nick, “and it makes sense now.”  He says they’ve made a lot of memories, both good and bad.  He gets on his knee and says it’s time to make some new ones.

 

Phyllis thrashes even harder.  I'm seriously afraid an Alien is going to pop out of her chest.

 

Noah says Faith loves the movie she’s watching.  Yeah, mocks Summer, she just loves everything and everyone.  Gosh, what a horrible quality.  Actually, Summer wishes she could be like that instead of being so overprotective when she thinks someone’s trying to horn in on her territory.  Like Mariah, asks Noah.  Yes, and Kelly, too.  She didn’t take it well when Jack moved her in.  Well, that’s because it’s like he’s publicly giving up on Phyllis.  That’s exactly how Summer feels!  But she finally realized it’s wrong to expect Jack to give up his whole life.  She actually likes Kelly, and she’s probably good for Jack, so why can’t she just accept it and trust?  Because she’s had a lot taken away from her, says Noah.  But look what happened she opened up to Austin?  It’s not so bad to let people in.  Summer considers this, and says she knows where to start.

 

Stitch apologizes for catching Jack off guard, but he figured Ashley would have told him he was the new chemist.  Nope, she neglected that, as did Kelly.  Maureen assures Jack that Stitch can do the job!  Jack isn’t worried if that’s who Ashley chose, but since it’s a Jabot project, Jack will be overseeing it..and him.  Stitch says he can handle that.  Just keep his stupid brother out of it. 

 

Maureen is like, omg, Jabot?  Kelly explains that Jack’s family owns it.  Maureen’s heard of Jabot!  I told you this was like France, Maureen.  Mo thinks Kelly is quite fortunate to have met Jack.  He says he’s the fortunate one to have Kelly.  He’s spreading it pretty thick.  Maureen is pretty friggin impressed with her kids’ amazing gold digging abilities. 

 

Paul forgives Cricket and they kiss.  They all think Paul Williams is the greatest thing ever, along with the state of Wisconsin.  Michael rushes in and needs to talk to Paul.  He asks if it’s about Ian.  Nope, it’s about Dylan and where he was spotted around the time Ian disappeared.  So Michael is a rotten little narc, too.  Can’t this wait?  It’s not like Dylan’s planning an escape.  He’s standing five feet away.

 

Kelly and Jack get home.  Now that Jack’s met her mom, is he sure he still wants to live with Kelly?  Jack thinks Maureen was fine.  Kelly spots flowers on the table, but Jack says they aren’t from him.  Kelly reads the card.  It says Welcome Home, love…Summer.  Awww.  They wonder what brought about her change of heart, but they are sure glad it happened.  Her nice brother did it, that’s who.  Jack and Kelly kiss.

 

Nikki sits at the bar, staring into space.  She tells Victor she just needs to go the powder room.  Cricket asks everyone to prepare for the toast, but Paul is such a Distinguished Citizen that he can’t wait for  champagne when he needs to take Dylan in for questioning right this minute.  Dylan’s like about what?  “The disappearance of Ian Ward.”  Dylan looks panicked.  Seriously, shouldn’t killing Ian Ward earn DYLAN the Distinguished Citizen Award?   Why don’t they all toast HIM? 

 

Nikki’s checking her phone in the lobby, and Maureen comes by!  What a coincidence, she says.  “It’s so nice to see you, Sherry!”  Wow, devious or a mistake?  Victor says, whyyy did she call you Sherry?  Nikki and Maureen both stand there with their mouths open.

 

Nick is on his knees, holding Sharon’s hands.  He can’t promise that life will be as sweet as when they were young and adorable, “when we both know that there is always trouble around the corner.  And the last time it hit…I choked.  I bailed.  But I can promise you that that is not going to happen again.  Because I love you.

 

“You know how they say in sports that it’s not the name on the back of the jersey, it’s the name on the front?  I think I’ve finally learned what that means.  You and I are a team.  Yeah, we might get traded from time to time, but we always end up in the same place again, and that’s got to count for something.  We were meant to be together.  So what do you say, Sharon?  Do you want to do this?  Let’s make it real. Let’s make it forever.”  Sharon’s eyes are shining.

 

“So, Sharon Collins Newman, will you be on my team again?”  Yes, whispers Sharon.

 

Phyllis bolts upright in bed like Linda Blair, shrieking, NOOOOOO!!!!! like a goddamn lunatic.   Lmao.   Screw you, Phyllis.  Shick 4Evah.

[Joimiaroxeu]

Maureen’s heard of Jabot!  I told you this was like France, Maureen.

Man, I really puzzled over this because I could not understand the reference. Then I realized it was a call-back to a previous recap. Geez, I gotta start taking notes I guess 'cause I can't keep up. But, Brava!

 

Phyllis thrashes even harder.  I'm seriously afraid an Alien is going to pop out of her chest.

Great minds...

 

I know it wasn't supposed to be funny but GT looked ridiculous. At this point I wouldn't be surprised if she started running around screaming like Frau Blucher, "He vas my...boyfriend!"

[thewhiteowl]

 

Phyllis thrashes even harder.  I'm seriously afraid an Alien is going to pop out of her chest.

 

I've been waiting for that since she first appeared in GC.

 

[peach]

I know it wasn't supposed to be funny but GT looked ridiculous. At this point I wouldn't be surprised if she started running around screaming like Frau Blucher, "He vas my...boyfriend!"

 

That is one of my favorite movies!  :)

 

I thought the whole Phyllis spaz out that culminated in the shriek at the end was FANTASTIC!  I mean, it was stupid and funny and melodramatic, and therefore a lot of fun.  What an entrance for a new actress (if you don't count the blinking and croaking).  lol  Only on the soaps! 

[thewhiteowl]

That is one of my favorite movies!  :)

 

I thought the whole Phyllis spaz out that culminated in the shriek at the end was FANTASTIC!  I mean, it was stupid and funny and melodramatic, and therefore a lot of fun.  What an entrance for a new actress (if you don't count the blinking and croaking).  lol  Only on the soaps! 

 

 It was certainly soapy but not so much soapy goodness. IMO  It does feed my speculation that NuPhyl will be all about Shick and not give a rat's ass about JacKel.  A tiresome rehash for me but the Shick/Phick wars have been this show's bread and butter for a very long time and they'd be silly not to try to make that lightning hit again. I'd be pleasantly surprised to be wrong.

[peach]

I agree with that.  Although, I'm not entirely sure.  They are sending a lot of mixed messages, probably because they don't even know what they're going to do, judging by the past year.  They've spent a lot of effort on building up this instant true love between Jack and Kelly, presumably for Phyllis to come between them. 

 

And yesterday, I felt like the entire Shick proposal dialogue was about solidifying how Sharon couldn't help anything bad she did because she was mentally ill, and they shockingly (IMO) had Nick admitting that he is the one who screwed it all up in the first place after Cassie died, that he let her down, and that HE has finally grown up and knows what it means to be "on a team."  It was a little different than just, hey let's hook up again out of convenience,they really brought their history full circle.  Like to solve a decade of crap.  It just FEELS more like a setup to be a fortress against Phyllis than a thing to tear down.  Just my feeling, but this show has made no sense for a while now, so what do I know? 

 

Her freak-out yesterday speaks to I don't know what....presumably going after Shick again, but she started responding from her coma when Jack broke up with her for another woman.  I guess they friggin' have me, because I'll just have to WATCH and see what happens, dammit.  Maybe Phyllis is like Summer and wants EVERYONE for herself.

[LeftPhalange]

I'm tired of the Shick vs. Phick wars. I really am. Nick is an absolutely garbage husband and no one in their right mind should be acting like he's some prize. If Phyllis wants revenge she should want Shick to say together and lie and cheat on each other forever while she's living the good life with a man who is devoted to her and only her.

[EngradyPind]

Does anyone else think that maybe Kelly was crawling into daddy's bed and maybe that had something to do with daddy's death in the shed fire?  Maybe Stitch saw them?  Maybe Mama Maureen saw them but Kelly doesn't know.  I definitely think Stitch is covering for Maureen.  I also think Kelly is guilty of something irregular.  She definitely has daddy issues.  Wonder how old her first husband was.  Jack Abbott is a good 20 years older than she is. 

[peach]

I'm tired of the Shick vs. Phick wars. I really am. Nick is an absolutely garbage husband and no one in their right mind should be acting like he's some prize. If Phyllis wants revenge she should want Shick to say together and lie and cheat on each other forever while she's living the good life with a man who is devoted to her and only her.

I wish Phyllis would have total amnesia and start over.

[miamama]

Phyllis bolts upright in bed like Linda Blair, shrieking, NOOOOOO!!!!! like a goddamn lunatic.   Lmao.   Screw you, Phyllis.  Shick 4Evah.

 

lol.

 

 

I agree with that.  Although, I'm not entirely sure.  They are sending a lot of mixed messages, probably because they don't even know what they're going to do, judging by the past year.  They've spent a lot of effort on building up this instant true love between Jack and Kelly, presumably for Phyllis to come between them. 

 

And yesterday, I felt like the entire Shick proposal dialogue was about solidifying how Sharon couldn't help anything bad she did because she was mentally ill, and they shockingly (IMO) had Nick admitting that he is the one who screwed it all up in the first place after Cassie died, that he let her down, and that HE has finally grown up and knows what it means to be "on a team."  It was a little different than just, hey let's hook up again out of convenience,they really brought their history full circle.  Like to solve a decade of crap.  It just FEELS more like a setup to be a fortress against Phyllis than a thing to tear down.  Just my feeling, but this show has made no sense for a while now, so what do I know? 

 

Her freak-out yesterday speaks to I don't know what....presumably going after Shick again, but she started responding from her coma when Jack broke up with her for another woman.  I guess they friggin' have me, because I'll just have to WATCH and see what happens, dammit.  Maybe Phyllis is like Summer and wants EVERYONE for herself.

I agree. I very much loved the NOOOOOOO! It was unexpected and hilarious. And a kind of kick-ass first real scene for GT. I don't think the No meant you won't have MY Nick as much as Sharon you will not have the happy life you think you have. The fact is Sharon's responsible for Phyllis being in that coma and the show has to address it. In other words, it's about Sharon, not Nick. That was always the strength of the dynamic -- the two women.

 

I agree that Shick is being fully restored. As is Sharon. 

 

I also think Victor and Phyllis, if they think they are bringing Sharon down, are going to be sorely disappointed. That's the set up I see.

[peach]

That's probably the best assessment, @miamama

[bayviewbubba]

I always thought that Kelly was being molested by her father while her mother effectively ignored the

situation. Kelly had the Stockholm Syndrome thing going on or blocked it entirely, Maureen couldn't imagine

what she'd do if she tried to get them out of there (the abused partner is frozen into inaction out of fear),

and Ben tried to save them all. Too neat and simple? Tough. It makes sense. Or maybe, Ben was just trying

to knock something out of a chandelier with a gas can and it all went bad.

[peach]

. Or maybe, Ben was just trying

to knock something out of a chandelier with a gas can and it all went bad.

 

Sadly, this is more like the universe where we find GC.

[AxellaJ]

I always thought that Kelly was being molested by her father while her mother effectively ignored the

situation. Kelly had the Stockholm Syndrome thing going on or blocked it entirely

 

This did occur to me, I have to admit.

[LeftPhalange]

 

I always thought that Kelly was being molested by her father while her mother effectively ignored the

situation.

 

Of course Smelly was victimized by at least one of her parents. Instead of writing an interesting, compelling character, why not go with the classic abuse trope in a cheap attempt to garner sympathy from the audience.

[crowsworks]

 

Of course Smelly was victimized by at least one of her parents. Instead of writing an interesting, compelling character, why not go with the classic abuse trope in a cheap attempt to garner sympathy from the audience.

So she will be insta-forgiven when it comes out she ran over Dee?

[peach]

Mon, Sept 15, 2014

 

Shick completes their engagement scene with Nick presenting Sharon their original engagement ring he swiped from her underwear drawer and upgraded with a bigger rock.  Everything is perfect.  Phyllis is not heard from, but we can assume she is levitating now in Georgia.

 

Abby is speed babbling about her Lamaze class with Victoria.  She has I Dream Of Jeannie hair and is wearing the latest Genoa City wardrobe shade of emerald green.  Victoria says Abby’s made this experience everything she needs it to be:  drama free.  “Really?!” yips Abby.  “I’ve never done that before!”  Abby is super excited to learn these breathing methods herself to keep calm when thinking about Mariah being part of their family.

 

Noah is surprised to see Mariah back at The Underground.  She says it’s because Nick laid a big guilt trip on her because she owes Sharon all that money.  Noah says Nick is good at that, because parents have a secret handbook (The Victor Newman Guide) for using guilt trips on their kids.  “Well, luckily I’m NOT his kid, and I never will be.”

 

Maureen is covering up her “Sherry” mistake with Nikki at the club.  She pretends it’s just mistaken identity and apologizes.

 

Dylan tells Paul he’s already told him everything he knows about Ian’s disappearance.  “Have you?” asks Paul like a dad who knows you took the car out because he checks the mileage.  Dylan’s like, what, you think I’m lying to you?  Paul says he needs him to come down to the station to answer those questions.  Christine is calling for everyone to take their champagne, so Paul is forced to stop his relentless pursuit of justice long enough to hear her toast that makes him sound like Rin Tin Tin.   “To Paul, distinguished in every way,” finishes Christine, except for the good party guest way.

 

Paul thanks everyone, but he is so darn distinguished that he has to go immediately back to the station to question a guy that’s standing right in front of him.  He doesn’t even taste his champagne, he is that distinguished.  Chris is aggravated.  Paul just says there’s been a development in the Ian Ward case.  Victor wants to know if they caught the bastard.  Not yet, but they have a clearer picture what happened after he left the ranch, he says, staring at Dylan. 

 

Chris says he’s been working on this case nonstop, can’t he just take an hour to enjoy the award?  Michael is super confused today and thinks he’s a prosecutor instead of a defense attorney that is partners with Dylan’s girlfriend.  He jumps in with numerous excuses for why Paul needs to rush off and investigate Dylan some more, including not letting Harding get any credit for this case, which is all just plain weird.  Paul hopes Chris understands, but she really, really doesn’t.

 

Paul says let’s go, and Dylan starts to leave with him.  Avery is like, WHY is Dylan going?!  Because your new law partner frigging narced on him, Avery.  Leslie would never do that.  Paul says he just wants to go over the night at the ranch again.  Avery is like, no way, not without his lawyer.  Dylan already gave his statement.  Paul says new info has come to light, and he needs Dylan to help sort it out.  Nikki wants to know what it is, but Paul says he it’s an ongoing investigation so he can’t talk about it even though she already KNOWS ABOUT IT because it's in HER DRIVEWAY, and he’s broadcasting this at a town party.  Avery’s freaking out about Dylan going without her because bloody shirts, but he wants her to stay and enjoy herself.

 

Mariah is an abrasive bitch to Noah at work, who tells her she’s taking her anger out on the wrong people.  She’s like yeah, you and Summer and Abby have been SO welcoming.  He says if it weren’t for Sharon and Nick, she’d still be a prisoner in Ian’s storage locker.  She says instead, I’m just his wife, yaaay.  Noah feels sorry for her and promises that Nick will get that annulled, and she says, then what?  We’re going to be one big happy family??  He says she IS family whether she likes it or not.  Mariah is going with not.

 

Noah says, “Do yourself a favor and just give OUR mom a chance?  She just wants a relationship with you.”  Mariah thinks she just wants her perfect daughter back, and she has it in her messed up brain that Mariah can make that happen because they share the same DNA.  “Trust me,” sneers Noah, “Mom knows you’re not Cassie.”  And she’s not interested in pretending to be her.  Been there, done that, got The Underground t-shirt, so she knows she will NEVER measure up.

 

Victoria coaches Abby on breathing while she complains about Mariah taking sweet Cassie’s place in their family, and if she has to sit next to her during Thanksgiving dinner, she will shove her up a turkey’s… Breathe, reminds Victoria, which works about as well for Mariah-induced anxiety as it does in labor.  Vicky says there’s no way Mariah can replace Cassie.  Abby says Nick and Sharon are already treating her like their daughter.  “Because she IS their daughter,” says Vicky. 

 

She can super relate to Sharon’s horror of having a baby stolen from the hospital since she’s about ready to have one.  Abby manically discusses home birth methods instead, because she’s been doing a lot of reading!  Vicky says she loves Abby and can’t imagine anyone better by her side.  Abby wishes she could agree that no one is more awesome than she is…but she thinks Vicky is making a big mistake.

 

Victor leaves to take a phone call, which gives Maureen a chance to catch up with “Sherry.”  She says it looks like Nikki worked things out with her husband, so her advice must have helped.  Nikki looks at her, like, I can barely remember that conversation, but she says it did help, and thanks for not outing her back there.  Mo says she meant it that her secrets are safe with her.   Nikki apologizes for lying about her name, but at that moment she just wanted to be anybody but Mrs. Nikki Newman, except still with all the money. 

 

Maureen says, “Trust me, I understand complicated marriages” that conveniently end in flames.  She tells Nikki they have something else in common….her son may be the father of Nikki’s next grandchild.  Maybe he could burn Victor up in a shed or something, too.  Nikki frowns and says, “You’re Stitch’s mother??”  Like, omg, you’re a frickin ‘ alcoholic.

 

Even after the commercials, Nikki can’t believe that Maureen is Stitch’s mom.  Yep, but she kind of isn’t digging everyone calling him Stitch.  Her baby’s name is Ben.  Too bad, Mo.  “And now your baby and my baby might be having a baby,” says Nikki.  Mo knows it’s not the best circumstances, but the idea of a new grandchild is super exciting.  Nikki remembers that Stitch’s ex-wife ran off with Max to Australia, and Mo tells her about her other grandchild, Sam, dying in a terrible accident, so she’s basically out of grandkids at this point.   So this is really something to celebrate!  She tries to order them some drinks, but Nikki is like, ixnay on the inksdray!  She doesn’t drink, remember?  Wink, wink.  Maureen totally gets it because she’s cool like that.

 

Abby thinks it’s really important for the father to be there from the beginning.  But Vicky doesn’t KNOW who the father is yet so we can drag that story out longer!  Abby knows, but she’s just talking about Billy.  So should Vicky just tell Stitch that she flipped a coin, and he lost?  No, just tell him she’s picking the person with the most experience.  Billy delivered Delia, and Stitch wasn’t even THERE when his kid was born.  He was DEPLOYED, reminds Victoria.   What-ever, says patriotic Abby, and Billy would be so much more focused on Vicky!  Abby obviously doesn’t know Stitch.

 

Anyway, the main point is that Abby’s done enough research on baby birthing to realize it’s a totally gross and disgusting miracle.  Also, research on herself has discovered that “I am all about me.”  Vicky still doesn’t feel right asking Billy, they’re officially divorced.  Wow, Abby didn’t think she was really going to divorce him when she filed for divorce.  What about the baby?  Vicky says they’ll just be co-parents, same as if it’s with Stitch.  Wow, Abby says her niece or nephew might have a daddy that killed his own daddy. Make sure you and Billy tell that to the kid every frigging day, Abby.

 

Nick and Sharon have gone to the club to celebrate and are mooning over each other in the lobby where Victor overhears. “You two getting married, or what?”  They look at him, like, yay, the Grinch is here.  Nick says maybe he can skip the gloom and doom about what a mistake this is.  Sharon laughs and says he can just skip to the best wishes and how he really wants to see them happy!  “You know my son’s happiness of is of great con-cern to me,” says Victor.  That’s great, Dad, because Sharon makes him happy. 

 

Nikki joins them, and Victor says it seems Nicholas and Sharon are engaged.  Nikki is very happy, and hugs them BOTH, congratulating Sharon.  “Well, thank you, Nikki, so much,” she says in surprise.  Nikki figured this was next, but Sharon says she actually hadn’t planned on marrying Nick so they didn’t ruin what they had.  “And yet, you ended up with a ring on your finger,” observes Victor.  YEP!  Nick says Victor’s all about family, right?  So this is how he’s keeping his own family together.  “All right,” says Victor.   Wait til I unleash possessed Phyllis on you.

 

Mariah gives Noah her tips so he can report back to Nick that she’s doing what she’s told.  Noah says he’s not her messenger, she can tell him herself, because that’s what families do.  They talk to each other.  How many times does she have to tell him she doesn’t want to be in his stupid family, “so all of you brain dead Newmans can find someone else to play the part of your goody-two-shoes sister!”  He finally gets pissed and puts his finger in Mariah’s face.  “You could NEVER replace Cassie!  She was amazing!”  Omg, please spare her.  If she has to hear one more person shine St. Cassie’s halo, she is going to lose it!! 

 

Noah insists that Cassie wasn’t perfect, same goes for him, same goes for Faith.  Seriously, Faith is already getting kicked out of slumber parties.  Oh yeah, well, have any of them been kidnapped by whacked out cult leaders or raised by a woman who couldn’t stand them?  No, dummy! They were raised by a woman who loved them, which is exactly what she’s trying to do for HER right now.  And after everything Mariah’s done to her, the least she could do is give her a chance.  “Your life SUCKED, I get it, but the least you could do is meet me halfway.”  Mariah looks sort of sorry, because who can stay mad at Noah, but before it can stick, THE Abby Newman struts in and sees her.  “Look who’s back, the winner of the DNA lottery.  You here to collect?”  Mariah gives her a look.

 

Christine tells Lauren she never should have planned a party when Paul was so preoccupied with the biggest case of the year.   Lauren thinks we shouldn’t let work overshadow our lives, because running a boutique is a lot like catching dangerous criminals.  At least there is leftover cake to take home.   Chris asks Michael if he knows the new development in Ian’s case.  Who, Michael?  Of course not, she’s the DA, not him.  Well, she doesn’t know anything except there was blood in Nikki’s driveway that sadly, was not Nikki’s.  Avery hears.  “OMG, they found BLOOD AT THE RANCH??”  She has to GO!  Way to play it cool, Avery.

 

Dylan walks in Paul’s office and says he already told him everything.  Paul says to indulge him and tell him again without a lawyer present.  He followed Ian out of the house and saw him disappear into the woods, and then he drove back to the coffee house.  Paul tells him they found Ian’s car abandoned near the race track, and his wallet in a nearby dumpster.  Dylan’s like, so what?  Ian was on the run.

 

Well, they have a totally trustworthy eyewitness trying to get out of a parking ticket that saw DYLAN at the race track, which is in the opposite direction of the coffee house.  So which is it??  Dylan pauses.  He says, FU, cop, and demands a lawyer.  JUST KIDDING!  He admits it was both.  He was going stir crazy at Crimson Lights, so he went for a walk to clear his head.  “Not much of an alibi, Dylan!  Walking alone.”  Well, Dumb Dylan didn’t know he NEEDED an alibi!  “Are you going to arrest me??”

 

No, Paul says wearily, he’s not going to arrest him.  He doesn’t have proof of a crime.  Duh.  Dylan’s right, the first thing Ian would do is ditch his car and wallet.  But some things still don’t add up.  They found blood in the driveway.  Dylan didn’t tell him he had an altercation with Ian, accuses Paul.  Because he didn’t have an altercation!  Then what about the cut on his hand?  So…Paul thinks Dylan cut his hand, and Ian’s blood came out?  How did you win the Distinguished Citizens Award again? 

 

Dylan insists it wasn’t his blood, and Paul admits it was Ian’s, but that doesn’t tell him how it got there.  Well, it didn’t come from his hand, so Dylan can’t help him with that!  “You can’t help me with ANYTHING, can you?!” yells Paul.  Maybe because he’s a barista and not a cop.  Paul rants about how he wants to get this guy so he can’t hurt anyone else, so in order to do that he needs to railroad Dylan.  Dylan needs to be honest with him!  He’s gonna ask him one.more.time.  HOW did he cut his hand??  Dylan grits his teeth, and says, just like I told you.  JUST KIDDING!  He totally admits, “Not like I said I did.” 

 

Avery comes rushing off the elevator five minutes too late.  Chris has followed her and snottily says to “let Paul do his job” which is apparently to interrogate suspects without legal representation.  Avery says she has a job, too, which is to protect Dylan.  Chris chides her on how unnecessary that is, since no charges have been filed until they can illegally gather more information while pressuring his lawyer to stay away from him, and they don’t even have any evidence a crime has been committed.   Avery has a flashback to Dylan frantically stuffing his bloody shirt in a trash bag.

 

Michael and Lauren eat cake and talk about not neglecting wives.  Michael offers to watch a movie with her.  Her jewelry is making a LOT of noise, or maybe she stole a bunch of silverware from the club and stashed  it in her pockets.  Blah romance blah kiss.

 

Victoria is with her parents at the club, who have told her the big news.  “ENGAGED?”  She says it’s a big week for Sharon, a new daughter AND a fiancé.  She sounds kind of jealous, even though she’s getting a new kid AND a new ex.  Vicky thinks Sharon must be overwhelmed.  “Every time thatgirl is overwhelmed, she ends up in the looney bin,” says Victor.  Even Daddy’s special snowflake thinks that’s a little harsh. 

 

Nikki thinks that’s interesting of Victor to say, since the last time she was in the hospital it was his fault.  What?  Victor?  It’s not his fault she has a disorder.  Nikki says hiring Mariah to be Fake Cassie didn’t help.  Well, now Mariah is LIVING with Nick and Sharon, and Nikki doesn’t seem terribly con-cerned.  Nikki’s on Sharon’s side because Dylan, and she hopes this opportunity gives Sharon a chance to get rid of all the demons from the past.  Vicky says who knows if that’s what Mariah wants.

 

Mariah tells Abby, yeah, she’s still in town, just to earn enough money at her godawful job until she can pay Sharon back.  Then she will be out of this crazy town, hopefully even before Abby’s next dye job.  Abby tells Noah she has his parents snowed, so it’s up to him to keep her from robbing them all blind.  Noah’s not worried about that.  Privileged Abby can’t believe it.  “Don’t tell me this whole POOR ME act has YOU fooled?  It’s total bull!” 

 

Abby and Tyler were planning a life together, and Mariah made it her mission to ruin it!  “You know, Abby, I didn’t have to work too hard to make Tyler walk away from you.”  Burn.   Abby says Mariah knows nothing about love.  “The only man that ever wanted you was some twisted cult leader who preys on weak, pathetic women.  That must make you feel real good.”   Mariah grabs a pitcher of water and throws it in Abby’s face!  “THAT did!”  She should have thrown the actual pitcher.

 

We’re back with Michael and Lauren who now sit on opposite sides of the couch watching TV with crushing disappointment.   Nothing good is on!  Lauren says they can’t keep ignoring this.  They need to get Netflix.

 

Paul says they are FINALLY making progress on squeezing Dylan.  Dylan says he punched out a window of a warehouse near the track because he was PISSED about Ian getting away.  So why’d you lie, asks Paul.  Because he didn’t want Avery to know he lost his temper because PTSD.  But Stitch made him go see a shrink, and he’s dealing with it.  Okay, then Dylan can go.  First he needs to give Paul his gift.  He lays the box on his desk and says congratulations on your award.  Dylan leaves, and now Paul feels like a jerk.  He opens the box, and omg, he’s trying not to cry.

 

Mariah laughs with satisfied glee, and Abby shouts at Noah that “that bitch threw water in my face!”  Noah tells Abby she was out of line. “ME?”  In case he missed it, Abby was standing up for him!  Noah doesn’t want any of this cat fighting AT ALL.  “OH..my GOD.  That conniving tramp has conned your whole family!”  Hey, that’s his sister, and for his MOM’S sake, he is just TRYING to get along with her.  

 

Abby is furious.  She unleashes the crazy eyes. “You do that.  You make peace with the Evil Twin.  But if she ever comes near me again, I will RIP her HAIR out!”  Then take it outside, because Noah doesn’t want to clean up after another chick fight.  She storms out.  Mariah is laughing because she hasn’t seen anyone freak out that bad over water since Dorothy doused the Wicked Witch.  It’s a shame Abby didn’t melt.  Noah’s like STOP!  Mariah says the high maintenance princess DESERVED it! 

 

Noah says he’s tried to be nice to her, but he’s done.  She’s on her own.  Mariah gives her usual line about how she’s always been on her own.  Right, and now she’s pissing away her ONE chance to be part of a family. Maybe one day she’ll realize how stupid that is.   He walks off, and Mariah ponders.

 

Nick and Sharon drink champagne in a hotel suite.  Nick wants to spend the whole night showing her how much she means to him, with an elaborate, gentle love scene set to a song about everlasting, undeniable true love, so pure and beautiful.  The windows explode in the coma clinic.

 

Well, instead of ending on that note, Dylan is telling Avery how Paul wanted to know if he knew anything about the driveway blood.   “Do you?” asks Avery.  Dylan says forensics show the blood is Ian’s which does not really answer her question.  Dylan vaguely says Paul asked him about another lead, but he couldn’t help him with that either. 

 

Chris and Paul look at the fishing lures.  She says he went to a lot of trouble.  Paul sighs and says Dylan told him he didn’t do anything to Ian.  “Do you believe him?” asks Chris.  “I want to,” says Paul, but obviously he doesn’t.  Sigh.

 

Ugh, more of this, too.  Lauren says Michael needs to talk to somebody about his inability, and it’s not just when he’s tired.  Michael is human, okay, he’s not a machine.  It’s just stress.  “It isn’t that, and you know it,” says Lauren.  “We have a problem here.”  You mean *I* have a problem, says Michael.   Well,  Lauren seems the most upset about it.

 

Victor rushes off to talk to Dr. Cutler on the phone.  He thinks Phyllis being possessed by Legion is really good news.  Now they're on the same team.

 

Nick and Sharon ruin their love scene feelz by talking about anvils.  “Nothing is going to break us up this time,” says Nick.  “Nothing.”

Edited September 16, 2014 by peach

[Joimiaroxeu]

Phyllis is not heard from, but we can assume she is levitating now in Georgia.

LOL. Do you think her head is spinning around while she vomits split pea soup, or do you think she's unhinging her jaw with a tiny Phyllis head coming out of it to drip acid all over everything?

 

“Nothing is going to break us up this time,” says Nick.  “Nothing.”

I had to laugh when he said that. Talk about one of the soapiest of soap opera lines ever. All that was missing was some organ music going, "DUN, DUN, DUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNN!"

[movinon]

 

Because he didn’t have an altercation!  Then what about the cut on his hand?  So…Paul thinks Dylan cut his hand, and Ian’s blood came out?

This still has me laughing.  We all know Dylan couldn't kill Ian because JFP would not allow him to go to prison.  It should give him a VERY big story-line and lots of air time, while we wait for Ian to pop back in.  The suspense is killing me.

[kia112]

Abby was what, 6? 7? when Cassie died?  And still considered Brad her dad at that point.  I mean, I don't even think she knew Cassie.  And she's sitting up there schooling Victoria like she didn't know the girl.

[peach]

LOL. Do you think her head is spinning around while she vomits split pea soup, or do you think she's unhinging her jaw with a tiny Phyllis head coming out of it to drip acid all over everything?

 

I had to laugh when he said that. Talk about one of the soapiest of soap opera lines ever. All that was missing was some organ music going, "DUN, DUN, DUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNN!"

 

Lol, I like the Alien Phyllis because that would make Sharon Lt Ripley.  Lol... "Get away from him, YOU BITCH!"  Followed by a flame thrower.

 

And too funny, because I almost typed Dun DUN DUNNN! 

[Blueeyes]

 

We’re back with Michael and Lauren who now sit on opposite sides of the couch watching TV with crushing disappointment.   Nothing good is on!  Lauren says they can’t keep ignoring this.  They need to get Netflix.

Good one!!!  Still laughing!!!

[Petunia13]

I have a recap but am waiting for the masters to post.

[peach]

I have a recap but am waiting for the masters to post.

I'm working today and can't post anything til tonight. 

Edited September 17, 2014 by peach

[Petunia13]

What I mean is I won't bother posting my recap if I know you Peach or LeftPhalange have one since you guys are so talented!

[miamama]

Am I horrible because I don't even really care anymore that Cordelia was killed?

 

I honestly had forgotten about this kid and the whole Who Killed Delia story.  It just shows how weak a story it was, and contrived. 

 

Lol, I like the Alien Phyllis because that would make Sharon Lt Ripley.  Lol... "Get away from him, YOU BITCH!"  Followed by a flame thrower.

 

Yes! Yes! I can see Sharon saying just this!!

[LeftPhalange]

I'll write one later today. It might not be that entertaining since Tuesday's episode was kinda blah.

[crosby777]

 

It does feed my speculation that NuPhyl will be all about Shick and not give a rat's ass about JacKel.

I been saying this for ages. For sure Phyllis is not done with Shick.. I hope she blows them to smithereens. Shick is so lame.

 

I'm working today and can't post anything til tonight.

Can't you tell your boss we are more important than work? LOL

[Petunia13]

WeeCap

 

Victor's mumbling to Paul in his office was ridic. Since I understand Vic anyhow he was impresssed with Paul's fishing lures and wants him to catch walleye and Ian Ward.  I prefer Mariah with wavy or curled hair. I'm not sure what I think of her and Chip as couple. She's all pissed off about Ian being her husband, Chip wants to help. He probably can if it involves a restaurant and freezer. I like Mike and Lauren's condo but why did they tile parts of the walls? Mike and Lauren themselves looked great yesterday. Lauren tells Mike she wants the peen, no cuddling. Mike tells her he's not talking with strangers about the secks or the cuddling! Lauren brings up Carmine and neurotically wonders to her husband if screwing another hunk has impacted their current sex life. Mike kisses her then fucks off.

 

Back to Victor and Paul. Mumbles "YoursonknowswhereIanishasinfookay." Chips comforting Mariah. He is trying to cute and whimsical for Mariah then makes weird noises like the guy from Police Academy movies. My baby gets startled and cries so Kev must be good. Avery talks to Dylan and tells him she knows he snuffed Ian. I didn't like her hair it was too contrived but her dresss was great. Lauren figures out Mike isnt working as much as he claims and thinks he's lying about work to get out of penis and cuddle duty. Mike and Avery have the same briefcase wonder if they'll get mixed up. Mike's gonna get boner meds. Stitch tells Dylan to stop punching shit. Mariahs so scared of Ian and his brainwashed goons shes hanging out alone in the park. Victor approaches her and she spazzs. Vic takes credit for reuniting her with her family. Whatta guy!

[LeftPhalange]

Tuesday, September 16: Penis Problems

 

At the police station, Victor says nice things about Paul's fishing lures and then immediately harasses him about IanWards disappearance. Why did Victor even pretend to be interested in those raggedy fishing lures Dylan made. Victor wants to know if Dylan knows anything but Paul won't discuss it. I'm sure Victor has a mole within the PD so I don't even know why he's going through this. Elsewhere, Mariah teases Kevin about writing a screenplay. She's worried about affording a lawyer to deal with her marriage to IanWard. IanWard drugged her and then forced her to marry him against her will. I'm pretty sure their "marriage" should automatically be invalid. Kevin reminds her she's a Newman but she retorts that she's not and says she spent the night sleeping at The Underground. Whose fault is that. You could have gotten Sharon to give you some money to stay in a hotel. If you're going to be stuck with Sharon and Nick you might as well use their money. Kevin thinks she should be armed because of Ian and then offers up his own "touch of doom" by randomly making weird noises. I think I might have missed something because I don't understand what the point of that was. I don't know. Whatever. Mariah calls him a weirdo and leaves. Victor lurks. Mysterious. Later, Harding tells Paul that IanWards jacket containing business cards was found behind the old quarry. Harding thinks Ward must have walked to the quarry willing but Paul doesn't buy it. He knows Something Bad happened to IanWard. Paul thinks someone might have moved Ian there. He notices mud from the quarry on IanWards boots and heads out to do police work (and cry in his car). 

 

 

At the Baldwin home, Lauren wants Michael to discuss Michael's issues aka not being able to get it up. Lauren begs him not to push her away. She doesn't think he's too stressed or tired. This is her subtle way of getting Michael to insist that she's beautiful and that he's crazy about her. Lauren wants to go to a counselor but Michael refuses and leaves, humiliated. Has anyone ever considered the possibility that Michael's pecker isn't working because he's in his 50s (?) and sometimes these things happen? Kevin shows up looking for legal advice for Mariah. She doesn't have any rich family she can call for help. He realizes Lauren isn't paying attention and asks what's wrong. She cries and asks Kevin if Michael confided in him about his pee pee problem. Kevin says he didn't. Kevin brings the conversation back to Mariah because she's the most important thing right now. Lauren asks if he wants to help her because he couldn't help Chloe. Kevin quickly brings the convo back to Michael and Lauren - he knows they will work it out. 

 

 

At Avery's apartment, she wants Dylan to see a doctor. She thinks it bothers him that IanWard is out there (duh) and they bicker about him talking to Paul without her present. Avery wants to know how Dylan knows IanWard isn't coming back. Dylan tells her something off screen. Michael arrives and Dylan quickly leaves. He ends up telling Avery about his marital problems with Lauren but then quickly changes the subject to Dylan being questioned by Paul. Michael tells Avery about Dylan being spotted at the track and realizes Dylan never told her. They finish up work and notice they have identical briefcases. So obviously this will become a factor when Lauren eventually starts to suspect Avery and Michael are having an affair. Avery moves Dylan's muddy boots and Michael leaves. Paul arrives and talks with Avery about Dylan. She wonders if he's come there to talk about IanWard but Paul says he came to think Dylan for the fishing lures. As he's leaving he notices the muddy boots. Avery wants to know why he's so interested in them.I don't really have any snark about these scenes because they were very boring and I can't be bothered to come up with something witty. 

 

 

 

At Crimson Lights, Stench...I mean Stitch watches as Dylan yells at the furnace guy over a bill. Dylan tells Stitch he needs to talk. He says he couldn't imagine Stitch being capable of killing someone, but now he gets it. Another subtle hint that we're supposed to think Dylan murdered IanWard. Stitch looks concerned. Dylan thinks back to yelling at IanWard and looks at his injured hand. Stitch wonders if he's experiences PTSD but Dylan says he can handle it. Stitch urges him to stick with the coping techniques he was taught. He asks about his injured hand and Dylan admits it happened while he was in a rage. He asks for Stitch's help because he knows what it's like to feel driven to kill someone. Stitch reminds him actions have consequences and tells him to deal with the pent up rage. They have a precious moment and talk about how they're still friends. The audience lets out a sigh of relief. I cried a little. Did you?

 

 

 

Victor finds Mariah Newman at the All Purpose Park thinking about life and which bench she's going to sleep on later.They bicker about whether he knew she was Cassie's twin the time. Victor says he didn't but sometimes thigns happen for a reason. Mariah complains about his son and ThatWoman wanting to play house with her. She knows he didn't see that coming. Victor doubts Nick wants her around and Mariah says he's the one who keeps tracking her down. Victor thinks Nick and ThatWoman will get tired of her now that they're engaged and planning to have a happy life together spent NOT cheating on each other. Victor thinks she knows where IanWard is and says if she did she would hold out for a major payoff from Victor. Girl, just ask ThatWoman to cut you a check and call it a day. Victor chuckles and offers to protect her. Mariah is smart enough to know he would sacrifice her in a heartbeat if it meant he could find out where IanWard is. Victor says he hopes it doesn't come to that. Notice how he didn't actually deny what she was saying. They decide they respect each other a little and Victor tells her to watch her back until IanWard has been found. Did anyone do a count for how many times Ian's name was said this episode? 

 

Btw, my browser keeps telling me I spelled "Mariah" wrong so I'm starting to wonder if "Mariah"is even a real name. Maybe this "Mariah" person doesn't exist and this whole thing has been another one of Sharon's hallucinations. I could have sworn there was a famous singer named "Mariah" but maybe not. Do you or someone you love know anyone named "Mariah"? If so, please respond below. 

 

 

Edited September 17, 2014 by LeftPhalange

[peacheslatour]

 

Do you or someone you love know anyone named "Mariah"? If so, please respond below.

My browser does the same thing.  I have a cousin named Mariah and that's how she spells it. I dunno but I thought I was wrong too so I called my aunt and she said yep that's how it's spelled.

[LeftPhalange]

OK, well I'm going to assume IanWard is responsible for this.

[movinon]

I know someone named Mariah and that is how it is spelled.  Just right click on the word, and add it to the dictionary, and it will never argue with you again.  At least, mine doesn't.

[peach]

Tue, Sept 16, 2014  Dylan Stares

 

It’s morning, and Dylan is trying to make Avery breakfast, but that darn cut on his hand has him dropping pans on the floor, waking up the whole damn neighborhood.  Too klutzy in the kitchen!  Oldest guy trick in the book.  At least he can make coffee.  Avery is super worried about Dylan because he tossed and turned all night again.  WHAT IS BOTHERING DYLAN?!

 

Paul’s admiring the fishing lures his SON made him, when Victor stops by and asks if he’s still looking for Ian.  No, he’s taken up watercolor painting.  OF COURSE he’s still looking for Ian, but Victor talks some nonsense and asks if Paul is holding out on him.  They chuckle at each other.

 

Kevin is feverishly working on his weirdo fiction instead of his work, when Mariah walks in with straight hair, and he slams his computer shut.  She laughs at him. Omg, AS IF she wants to read his lame screenplay.   It’s NOT a screenplay, it’s his bizarre fantasy life.  He’s probably a writer for this show.  She stopped by to find out if the cops found Ian.  Kevin says they’re still looking, but he’s probably long gone.   Great, then Mariah is still in limbo about if she’s married to the creep.  Kev says she was drugged out of her mind, so he’s going with no.  She thinks Kevin doesn’t know shit, but he says he’s had an annulment before so yes he does.

 

Mariah admits Nick also said the marriage didn’t count, “but he owns a bar, so what does he know?”  Kevin says Nick’s been around the block even more times than him, so she shouldn’t worry.  She just wants an official answer, but she only has 30 bucks to pay a lawyer.  Kevin’s like, you know you’re a Newman, right?  “The hell I am,” says Mariah.  And she already owes Sharon a gazillion dollars for her last lawyer.  Kevin is way confused about her lack of gold digging skills, but he is pleased to notice she doesn’t look like a bum with her pretty hair and clean clothes.  She slept on the couch at The Underground, she says, but thank you for noticing.  She even smiles.

Lauren reads the newspaper and sighs.  When is Michael going to talk about their bedroom problems, because he keeps shutting her down about it. He snaps, “Then take the hint.” Stop pressuring him.  Lauren practically sits on his chest and says they are going to talk about it NOW.  He tries to put her off til after work, but OMG, this has been EATING HER ALIVE for days!!  They’re both Type A personalities, THEY LIKE SEX, WHAT IS HAPPENING TO THEM?!  AAAHHHH!!!!  You’re frigging OLD, Lauren, get used to it.   Instead of going to a doctor for Viagra, she wants to go to a counselor and talk about feelings, because that’s a fantastic male aphrodisiac.  Michael’s like, see ya!

 

Paul isn’t sharing police business with Victor.  Oh, really?  Well Victor saw him leave with Dylan yesterday, were they talking about fishing or does he know something about Ian?  Paul just smiles.  Harding interrupts.  Victor says that Nikki’s well-being is very important to him.  Of course it’s very important to Paul, too.  “Then prove it,” says Victor.

 

Mariah and Kevin are buddying up at the station.  He buys her a soda, and since she doesn’t go into work til later, she tries to convince him to ditch work and go for a ride on his Harley.  He’s tempted but that Harding might get after him.  He tells her that Nick is right about wanting her to live at the ranch where she’ll be safe with all that security that let Ian waltz in and attack Nikki with a needle.  But Mariah isn’t going to let fear run her life or make her do things she doesn’t WANT to do, like sleep in a bed.  They giggle and act like geeks together, which is kind of cute, and then Mariah says bye bye, weirdo, and leaves.  Victor was skulking around the corner eavesdropping.

 

Avery thinks Dylan is upset because Ian is still out there and could hurt people he loves.  Dylan says Ian isn’t going to hurt anybody.  She’s upset about him blabbing all kinds of stuff to Paul without her present.  He didn’t do himself any favors with that.  She insists on knowing why he says Ian isn’t coming back, and promises it stays between them.  Michael stops by, so Dylan uses that opportunity to rush off to work.

 

Michael thinks Devon has enough money and ambition to become one of their major clients.  He’s all excited about the new offices he wants to build so there is plenty of room for their future staff and associates.  Avery’s confused.  She thought this work partnership was about NOT working.  What happened to the balance in their lives?  Michael’s like, omg, Avery, we’re bloodsucking LAWYERS, what are you talking about??  Actually, he just looks at her.

 

Dylan is throwing a fit at work because the bid for a new boiler costs more than a house.  The last thing he needs is another bill!!!  Maybe if you kept the coffee shop OPEN more often, and Avery didn’t have balance in her life, you could pay your bills.  He’s pounding the counter when Stitch walks in.  He assures the expensive repairman that Dylan just has a lot going on right now.  Dylan knows he’s overreacting.  That’s why he called Stitch.  There’s something he needs to get off his chest and Stitch is the only one who can understand.  I guess this is a murderer-to-murderer thing.

 

Harding shows Paul a bunch of evidence:  an expensive jacket and Ian’s business card holder that they found behind the old quarry.  So Ian must have left his car at the racetrack and then walked to quarry.  He must have needed some new rocks or something.  UNLESS someone moved him there.  Hmmm.  Paul frowns.

 

Mariah’s just chilling in the park with a dreamy expression on her face, so she must be thinking about Nick, when she hears ominous footsteps coming.  Click. Clack. Click. Clack.  WHO WOULD BE IN A PARK ON A BEAUTIFUL DAY???  She panics and grabs her cell phone.  “Stay away or I’m calling the cops!” she calls to the foot stepper around the corner.  It’s Victor Newman.  “What’s the charge?” he asks.  “Helping you find your long lost family?”

 

Mariah’s like, omg, you probably knew I was Cassie’s twin the whole time!  Nope, it was pure coincidence.  Some things happen for a reason.  “You pretended to be Sharon’s daughter and then ended up being the real thing.  That’s kind of destiny, isn’t it?”  Well, Mariah calls it a royal pain, because Nick and Sharon keep bugging her to play house with them til Ian is caught.  Victor’s like, what?  Nicholas wants her to live there?  Mariah laughs.  For someone who always prides himself on being two moves ahead…he didn’t see that one coming, did he?  Victor looks like he can’t help but admire the sass on this kid.

 

Lauren starts snooping in Michael’s day planner he left behind, when Kevin stops by.  He was hoping to ask Michael legal advice for Mariah.  Kevin spills the story about the crazy drugged kidnapping wedding but Lauren is way too distracted thinking about her crummy sex life.  She pretends she’s thinking about Fen, and Kevin mentions that’s what Michael must have been upset about lately.  Lauren zeroes in on that.  DID MICHAEL CONFIDE IN YOU??  He’s like, ummm, what’s wrong?  Omg, poor Kevin.  Lauren starts crying and saying how she and Michael are made for each other, and marriages go through ups and downs, but, but…if your brother told you something, you’d tell ME, wouldn’t you?  Kevin’s like…uhhh…

 

Michael tells Avery he has no worries.  Okay, sure, he could do more, but every couple has its challenges.  He bets she and Dylan have challenges, like Dylan probably murdering people.  Speaking of that, what happened after Michael ratted him out to Paul anyway?  Oh, he answered some of Paul’s questions, and that was the end of it, says Avery 100% unconvincingly.   So, Michael asks, that thing about Jeffrey seeing him at the racetrack just turned out to be a dead end then?  Avery’s like…near the racetrack??  Ohhhh, so Dylan didn’t tell her.  Challenges.

 

Stitch is surprised that Dylan called him.  Ever since his secret came out, Dylan’s kept his distance.  “It was just confusing as hell,” says Dylan, like most days.  “How could a guy I trusted with my life…”  “Turn out to be a convicted murderer?” finishes Stitch.  “Sorry I didn’t live up to your image of me, bro.”  Dylan admits he was too judgmental.  Funny how murdering a person makes it all so clear. 

 

He just couldn’t imagine how Stitch was capable of killing anyone WHILE THEY WERE IN AFGHANISTAN, but now he can see…  Dylan stares into space.  “See what?” asks Stitch.  Dylan has a flashback to chasing Ian around the outside of the ranch and screaming IAN GET BACK HERE!!!  Present day Dylan rubs the bandage on his hand.  Mac? Buddy? Bro? Bra-heem? asks Stitch.  You there?  Dylan’s on screen saver.

 

Victor and Mariah sit down at the Park Café.  “Think what you want, Victor, but I know what I know.”  Victor’s like, Sharon is the one who asked you to stay at the ranch, not Nicholas.   Mariah laughs some more.  Nick loves him some damsels in distress and you know it, Victor.  Mariah says why is it always Nick tracking her down, convincing her to stay, asking her to move home?  They don’t need the money she owes Sharon, so it’s obviously because he cares.  Victor says she’s a strong girl, why doesn’t she stick to her guns?   Mariah’s like, right, Victor, like you have my best interests at heart. 

 

He drops it on her that Nick and Sharon are engaged, so she’ll wear out her welcome in no time.  She’s like, they’re engaged??  She’s obviously disappointed.  He thinks there might be some other reason she’s staying in town.  She’s like, ugh, you think I know where Ian is.  She sure as hell isn’t waiting around for him!  And even if she did know, she wouldn’t tell VICTOR.  “Not without a major payoff,” she says.  “You can afford it.”  Victor laughs, and it seems he kind of approves.  Lol

 

Harding and Paul discuss the colors of mud in Genoa City.  Paul is an expert on all variations.  Harding takes the evidence for processing, and Paul grabs his fishing lures box and says he has to take care of something.

 

Avery tells Michael that’s the first she’s heard anything about a racetrack.  Michael says he’s sorry, he probably shouldn’t have repeated that…TO PAUL.  He says it probably just slipped Dylan’s mind.  Hey, let’s talk about office space!  And Devon wants to buy a company.  Oh Em Gee!  Avery and Michael have the SAME briefcase.  What a silly coincidence that will be sure to come up in a ridiculous future plot twist.  Ick, Avery notices Dylan’s muddy boots by the door.  Looks like she needs a new doormat!  This couldn’t come back to haunt her either!

 

"Mac? Mac?" calls Stitch.  "You okay?"  Dylan’s still in a fugue state remembering backing up to a brick wall…omg, his hand is bleeding!  He looks traumatized.  He must have cut his hand on Ian’s throat!  Stitch finally gets his attention.  Dylan rubs his bandage.  Hey, what happened to your hand, man?  It’s fine, bro.  Dylan admits he’s been having some PTSD “moments.” 

 

He tries to change the subject to outrageously priced boilers.  Stitch says there’s no time table on PTSD.  Maybe that’s what happened to his hand?  Maybe he couldn’t control his anger?  Dylan just stares at him ominously.  Hey, this is me, says Stitch, the shed burner.  Stitch knows when he’s lying even before he does.  “Do you even remember hurting your hand?”  Dylan…stares.

 

Kevin tells Lauren that if Michael said something he thought he should know, of course he’d tell her.  But he didn’t.  Kevin thinks it must be adjusting to the empty nest thing, which Michael would never talk about.  They only talk about Kevin flipping out over Chloe, so please tell Michael he’s trying to move on.  Lauren asks if this about his “new friend” Mariah.  Hey, he’s just trying to help her out.  Her life has been really crappy.  “Is this because you couldn’t help Chloe?” asks Lauren.  Maybe he just likes her.  Can't he have friends?

 

Victor says if Mariah feels scared or like she’s being stalked, he wants her to call him immediately.  She’s like, huh?  Since when does he want to protect her?  He says he’ll do anything to protect his family, and now she’s part of his extended family…so he’ll protect her, too.  Cynical Mariah says nice try, Victor, you would sacrifice me in a heartbeat to get the man you hate.  “Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that,” says Victor.  Yes, let’s.

 

Paul stops by Avery’s to thank Dylan for the lures.  Blah blah let’s all get closer.  She says did you really come here to thank him for the gift?  Or as a cop who’s following up on questions from the station?  Paul grimaces.

 

Dylan admits he was in a rage when he hurt himself.  Any little thing can set him off.  “Like some poor guy selling him a new boiler?,” asks Stitch.  Mostly little things like a madman threatening your mom with a hypodermic needle.  Dylan says he thought he had his anger in check, but…  he did some bad things.  Combat never really goes away, he mutters.  Stitch wants him to get help from a licensed doctor, but Dylan thinks Stitch more qualified because he knows what it’s like to be driven to kill somebody.  Stitch is like, gee, thanks.

 

Victor tells Mariah to think about what he said and starts to leave.  She say she wasn’t criticizing him, btw, she admires how determined he is to protect his family.  Well, she’s the only one.  “Don’t you ever forget that.”  And what he’s beginning to respect about her, is how tough she is.  “Right back atcha.”  They have a lot in common.  So Victor says to keep her eyes open and listen to everything he hears, at least until Ian Ward is found.  She nods.  They're a thing now.

 

Kevin’s over Chloe, but Lauren still thinks he’s coping by rescuing Mariah.  Um, he just bought her a soda.  He says he’s exceeded his lifetime quota on rescuing wounded birds.  And for the last time, he doesn’t know why Michael can’t perform in the sack.

 

Michael has finally sought medical help.  He asks a doc if he can get a sample of that medication he’s heard about.  The doc says,well, you have all your hair and you don’t need to lose weight, so…let’s just call it “encouragement in the bedroom.”  Thank God.  Is this storyline over?

 

Stitch asks whose bad impulses they’re talking about here?  His or Dylan’s?  All he can tell him is actions have consequences.  Well, maybe in other places.  Dylan apologizes for dragging Stitch’s crap into this.  Pent up rage doesn’t magically go away, says Stitch,he needs to deal with it.  Trust him, he knows.  Dylan stares.

 

Paul says he never stops being a cop any more than Avery stops being a lawyer, but he really just stopped by to ask Dylan to go fishing and to possibly trip over some evidence in his house.  OMG, are THOSE DYLAN’S MUDDY BOOTS?!

[peacheslatour]

 

.So Victor says to keep her eyes open and listen to everything he hears, at least until Ian Ward is found.

Or until,  Sharon blurts out THE SECRET- ya know what ever...

Edited September 18, 2014 by peacheslatour

[miamama]

@Peach, I think your recaps are getting better and better. I didn't that was possible.

[peach]

Wed, Sept 17, 2014    Why Are You Holding My Boot?

 

Genoa City Mud Expert Paul is still holding Dylan’s boot.  He’s in shock.  “It’s, it’s, it’s the kind that’s not too common around here!”  Avery is pissed at nosy Paul.  But does she know where Dylan’s been tromping around in mud?  No, dammit, and why does it matter?  Dylan comes in and notices the tension.  “What’s going on, and why are you holding my boot?”  “I’m just curious about the mud,” says Paul sternly.  Avery says as Chief of Police he has a perilous sense of curiosity.  He’s holding that boot like it’s evidence, and she and Dylan would like to know why!

 

Lily has brought Neil home.  He’s accepted reality enough to at least accept a cane, and is pretty glad he’s not going to beat the hell out of his shins on the furniture anymore.  Lily is sorry Hilary didn’t get to go on the cane appt too, but Neil doesn’t want Hilary watching him be blind.  Lily’s like good luck hiding a giant cane, Dad.  If you can’t manage honesty, how are you going to manage a marriage?  I think Malcolm might have sucked the hope out of that one.

 

Hilary just happens to run into Devon in the narrow hotel hallway of the sixth floor of the hotel for no reason whatsoever except that their hands need to touch accidentally for the thousandth time, and they can stare mournfully at each other, conveniently outside a hotel suite.

 

Sharon visits Cassie’s grave to tell her the news that her father asked her to marry him in the most adorable and romantic way.  It was adorable and romantic, wasn’t it?  Sharon won’t give up on Mariah.  The family will never be whole without Cassie, but they will be together.  Just then either Ghost Cassie or Fake Cassie walks up.  Sharon think it’s Mariah, but she’s wearing the pink Cassie shirt and says, “It’s me, Cassie,” for added clarity.  Do we really have to keep doing this?  And shouldn’t they have a security question, like who was your fourth grade teacher?

 

Nick stops by Victoria’s with his engagement news, but Victor already spoiled it.  “Dad poisoning the well in advance,” says Nick.  He certainly is proactive.  Vicky admits he’s not pleased.  Nick says Vicky sure should be.  It takes the heat off of her, because the only person Dad hates more than that loserdegenerate Billy Abbott, is his future wife.

 

Speaking of loser degenerates, Billy runs into Chelsea at the pool bar.  She’s jet lagged and not fit for company, so he steps off, but she’s like, wait!  She didn’t mean HIM of course.  And there’s something they need to talk about. 

 

Hilary asks Devon to let go of her hand.  Blah blah blah.  Neil’s blindness is real, Devon!  The way Devon feels about Hilary is real!  Well, if Neil’s blindness is permanent, they are staying apart…permanently.  Or for four minutes, whichever comes first.

 

Billy feels like a dork fully dressed at the pool with his diaper bag without explaining why he’s even there.  I don’t think it’s a shortcut to the lobby.  Chelsea thinks he really pulls his look off, though.  “Really?” asks Billy hopefully.  “No,” says Chelsea.  lol  But she says this convo won’t be as bad as that phone call the other night.  Oh, the one where she confessed to dreaming about him?  Yeah, he already forgot about that, he grins.  Chelsea says it was awkward, and then good, and then it was stupid when she hung up on him.  Billy says she left him hanging about their relationship, but he’s not an idiot or a delicate flower, so she doesn’t have to worry about his feelings.

 

Just then some stud muffin in swim trunks walks up and tells Chelsea that swim was just what he needed.  Billy is like, wwwwtf?  Chelsea smiles at the dude and says she’ll meet him back at the suite, and they can order room service.  Billy says, SERIOUSLY?  Sure he lied and said she didn’t have to worry about his feelings, but…you and Six Pack?  Oh, totally, says Chelsea.  She met him back in L.A. and took him to New York with her.  “Didn’t I mention that?” she says, batting her eyes.  Billy’s like, no!  “I guess we’ve had our conversation, and it was pretty damn awkward.”  Chelsea laughs and says the six pack is her assistant, so he can relax now.  Billy insists she doesn’t owe him any explanations, she can hang out with whoever she likes.

 

Victoria says it’s hard to be on Sharon’s side.  Nick says it’s different now.  Sharon’s healthy, and it feels like being home.  Vicky admits that is a wonderful feeling, and he deserves it.  At least things worked out for one of them.

 

Sharon is confused.  She says she didn’t think she’d see Cassie again.  Cassie promises to be there whenever she needs her.  “In my heart,” clarifies Sharon.  “In your heart,” says Cassie. “You’ve got a LOT of people in there, and now one more.”  She sure sounds like Mariah to me.  Mariah will never replace you, says Sharon.  Cassie knows that and doesn’t want her to worry about it.  Sharon says she’s been taking her meds, she shouldn’t be seeing her.  “But you are.  And you know why, Mom.  You know.”

 

Avery says, “You seem to know an awful lot about MUD, Paul, is there a reason?”  It’s just something he noticed.  Avery gets really worked up about Paul’s questions and random curiosity about dirty shoes.  Dylan tries to calm her down, but she snaps that this is an ongoing investigation and he is NOT ANSWERING questions.  Paul insists he is not there in an official capacity while still clutching the muddy boot.  Dylan insists he has nothing to hide and will answer all the questions in the wide world.  Avery’s like, will you STFU?  Paul knows about the racetrack, idiot, and if he wants to pursue it he needs a warrant!

 

Paul says it doesn’t help anyone, mostly him, if Dylan keeps doling out information piecemeal like this.  Dylan says there’s nothing left to say!  Blah blah.  Paul says they found an item of Ian’s caked in mud, the kind of mud that’s only found at the quarry.  Avery is like, excuse me??  “Did you just search my home without a warrant?”  Kiss your evidence goodbye, Paulie.  Paul’s offended, he came by as a friend, and simply observed something in plain sight.  Avery demands to know if the department is considering this anything more than a missing persons case.  Paul has to consider more since they found Ian’s blood on the ground.  “Is that why you’re here?!” asks Dylan.  “You think I killed Ian and dumped his body??”  Avery looks at heaven and asks God to please help her make Dylan shut his f’ing mouth.

 

Neil thinks it’s an interesting turn of events that Lily is making friends with Hilary.  She’s like, omg, we’re not friends, but she will at least stop acting like a crazed witch around her now.   If Hilary wants to be there for Neil, then…let her.  Malcolm said that, too.  He was right about a lot of things.  Neil says it was good that Malcolm came, he doesn’t have to fake anything with him.  More like Malcolm won’t let you.  Lily’s jealous, but Neil assures her they’re all in this together.

 

Hilary tells Devon that even TALKING about this is wrong and tries to walk away.  “It’s okay,” says Devon.  It’s NOT okay, she can feeling him watching her…and when she sees him…  What? asks Devon, stroking her cheek.  They start kissing, but then she pulls away in tears and slaps him.  He really likes that, though, and they start kissing more.  He’s had his pass key at the ready this whole time, I guess, and pops open the door of that suite so they can rush in and tear each other’s clothes off.  Yikes, I hope no one is staying in that room.

 

Billy says he needs to go feel like an idiot someplace else.  Chelsea’s like, what?  Billy rewrites history and says, “Look, I called you up, all, heeey, I’m single, and let’s get together and ‘fix my back’…”  Chelsea’s like, yo, I called YOU, and she doesn’t remember any back fixing part.  Okay, okay, but he liked how things were, when he was having it both ways before she bolted out of town.  He gets she had her reasons though.  Like working.  And she did need distance. 

 

Well, he doesn’t expect anything from her, except for how he does, and he doesn’t want things to get weird.   She says LA and NY were great, and she really has her head on straight now, especially about him, which is why she calls and tells him about her sex dreams.  Assistant Six Pack comes up with a phone and says you-know-who is on the phone with an issue.  Billy’s miffed because they have “code names” like “you-know-who” and Billy DOESN’T know who.  Chelsea rolls her eyes and then walks off in arm in arm with her assistant.  Billy pitifully says he’ll be..waiting.

 

Nick says they haven’t set a wedding date yet, but he’s guessing Vicky will have a special guest with her, as in the new baby.  She’s worried about the paternity test.  Nick reminds her that she sets the rules because she’s a Newman snowflake, and not some judge.  Unless that’s not what she’s worried about…she told him it was over with those two!  Yeaaaah, but in her heart....   Nick asks which one is still there.  Omg, BOTH of them?  Well, what happened with Stitch is still muddled in her mind, and Billy is just Billy.  But lately he’s been doing things that [con] remind her of why they fell in love.  Nick gets it because he used to think he was super done with Sharon, but now he can’t imagine spending one day without her, until he’s super done with her again.

 

Sharon tells “Cassie” that she loves feeling her so close, but it makes her nervous because she KNOWS she shouldn’t be there.  Cassie insists Sharon must need her..to talk to.  Cassie suspiciously keeps prying about what’s in Sharon’s head. Maybe she thinks everything’s not okay?  But everything is great, and she’s going to earn Mariah’s trust, just like with Cassie.  She loved being her mom, sitting close and sharing secrets. We still do, says Cassie.  “You know my secrets?” says Sharon.  Girl, you know better than this.  Cassie nods.

 

So is that it? Does Paul think Dylan killed Ian?!  Well, there are certain inconsistencies he could clear up!  Blah blah, ranch, needles, again with the hand.  Dylan says he lied about his hand, but… Avery is like SHUUUUT UUUUUP!  He doesn’t of course, and blurts out how he lied to her about cutting his hand.  He really punched out a window and was SO pissed that he didn’t even remember doing it.  Cool story, IDIOT.  Paul’s like, so you blacked out?  Noooo, he had a “momentary lapse,” geez.  It wasn’t long enough to kill anyone, so relax. 

 

What about the mud on your shoes, asks Paul, where did that come from?  THE GROUND.  Paul expounds on the composition of mud again, and Avery says this is getting [exactly like] very close to being an actual interrogation.  Avery yells at him to put his energy toward catching Ian Ward.  Paul says this is her house, so he’ll leave, but they will have to have this conversation later.  “Or maybe not,” says Avery.  And she should probably misplace those boots in the next fifteen minutes.

 

Paul leaves.  Dylan tells Avery she didn’t have to do that, he was handling it.  Disastrously. Avery’s like, hello, this is what I do for a living.  Does she tell him how to make coffee??  She’s like why were you giving Paul reasons to arrest you?

 

Victoria says, so are you saying Billy is my Sharon?  She doesn’t know how to take that because he hasn’t married any of her relatives.  Nick’s like, stop.  You know what would be funny?  If Billy married Sharon.   Blah blah, Nick says Vicky knew she had to walk away from Billy.  But what if she wants to walk back?  Nick’s like, ugh, no.  She deserves better than lies and getting jerked around.  

She thought she had that with Ben, but even his name was a lie.  Nick wishes she was angry instead of sad.  She can’t hate Ben, she might be carrying his baby.  Nick gets that because Sharon.  But how does he know?  He just knows.  He knows Sharon better than he will ever know anyone else.  And they have usable flashbacks.  And it’s a relief to know they’re going to be together for the rest of their lives.  (Dun DUN DUNNNN!)

 

Sharon tells Cassie she told her a secret!  Something she didn’t want Dad to know!  Cassie’s like don’t you remember?  She says the ECT wiped that out, when it was supposed to be wiping out this pink shirted girl.  Cassie says you talked a lot about how much you loved Dad!  Exactly.  So that’s the big question…why is Cassie here?  Sharon is sure she did tell her the secret.  Blah blah wonder wonder.  What do I do, asks Sharon.  “Remember,” says Cassie.  But it’s Cassie who can remember for her!  What is it she needs to know?!

 

Neil thinks it must be hard for Lily and Devon to watch all this.  Lily doesn’t expect him to be a super hero.  Neil says but he’s been a super ZERO.  Ha.  He’s a grouchy old bear.  Lily forgives him.  Blah support blah.  Neil has to take control.  He owes that to Lily and Devon..and to Hilary.

 

Cut to Hilary and Devon going at it in the sheets, and their song is “my love is finally here.”  Yawn.

 

Dylan’s too damn dumb to understand the situation he’s in, even when Avery explains it to him.  They fight about how he lied about punching the window and having blackouts, and that Paul won’t accept that Dylan doesn’t know where the mud came from. 

 

A cop tells Paul they got a call from Ian’s insurance company.

 

Hilary and Devon pillow talk.  That was perfect, says Hilary.  Blah blah, they couldn’t walk away from each other.  More lipsmacking.  Hilary gets a voicemail from Neil.  “I need you at home.  Now, please. It’s very important.”  Hilary’s like, ugh, I have to GO there, and STAND there, I have to TALK to him.  Devon doesn’t want her to leave upset.  “I have to go home,” she says sadly.  “To my husband.”

 

Chelsea is back and pretends she can’t believe Billy is jealous.  He reminds her sexual harassment lawsuits CAN sting.  She lets him know that she is, uh, not Six Pack’s type, if you knowwhatImean.  Ohhhh.  She just wanted to mess with Billy.  Okay, so, she after all that BS, she says they are both single and not by choice, but why not see where this goes. 

 

So, some guy called Ian’s life insurance company to see if he was still on the policy.  How odd.  Who made the call?  Why, Dylan McAvoy, of course. 

 

Dumbass Dylan says he won’t be arrested because he hasn’t done anything illegal.  Avery’s like what does that have to do with it?  That’s WHY she’s a defense attorney, because innocent people get arrested and convicted all the time.  Maybe she’s mentioned that four thousand times before this.  Blah blah, you can’t fix stupid.

 

Lily catches up with Devon and she’s so excited that Neil got a cane and apologized for being such a pain in the ass. He’s finally ready to let people help him!  Devon’s like..yay.  And he knows exactly what he has to do.  Something stupid.

 

Hilary gets home.  Neil tells her he made a decision, and nothing’s going to change his mind.  He wants a divorce!  Hilary’s shocked.  Devon will probably blow this windfall by the end of the day.

 

Sharon tells Cassie she knows what she did.  And it’s in YOU, Mom.  And it’s trying to come out through YOU, Cassie. Actually, it almost burst out of Phyllis’ chest.  She’s got this one, ladies, go have a drink or something.  Cassie says the secret is GOING to come out, and look at the time, she has to go.  Cassie, no!  Don’t leave me!   AND IT WAS ALL A STUPID DREAM.

 

Sharon wakes up in distress right when Nick comes in.  He comforts her, and panicked Sharon now wants to get married faster than a Winters.  Nick is surprised, but it’s a-okay with him.  They embrace.

 

Billy taunts Chelsea for a bit to get even with her for leaving him hanging after that phone call.  She says she’s changed her mind then.  Billy sits next to her and says he’s going to change it back.   They start kissing. Ooo, they get jazzy music.  Of course, Victoria is just walking through the rooftop bar now herself, and SEES.   Boo hoo.

Edited September 18, 2014 by peach

[kia112]

Dylan’s on screen saver.

 

Dying.  Dead.

[peach]

Thurs, Sept 18, 2014    Five’s A Crowd

 

Jack has brought Kelly a wed wose, how womantic.  She has an elaborate updo which is pretty.  He thought she’d be hanging out with her mom.  That’s silly, WHY would she be doing that?  Um..because she’s staying upstairs?  And that is close enough for Kelly.  He reminds her he’s glad to go along for a deep, meaningful conversation, but no.   “Because, my love, whither my mother goes, trouble follows.”  Kelly’s talking fancy like her hair today.

 

Stitch is willing to visit his mom, though.  She’s chilling in her suite with a glass of wine, and looks smashing in a teal green blouse.  He asks her about why she’s sticking around town.  Well, she wants to stay for the birth of the baby.  Stitch thinks there’s another reason.

 

Chelsea realizes Victoria is staring while she’s mashing lips with Billy, and they pull away.  “Well.  Look who’s back in town,” says Victoria.  Chelsea rolls her eyes.

 

Nick and Sharon are kissing.  So how soon does she want to do this wedding?   As soon as she can get it organized.  Nick thinks the only organizing they need is for her to throw a dress on and head down to city hall so he can lock this thing down!  He’ll even drive.  Okay, well, Sharon wants more than the Neil Express Package With Optional Hot Dogs.  She thinks they should get married in front of the people they care about and not hide it in the corner.  She’ll throw a few things together like a venue and a cake, and boom, they’re done!  And maybe Nick could stop tucking his hair behind his ears.

 

Sharon leaves, and Nikki stops by wearing a bright raspberry dress.  Love the color on her.  Her hair and makeup look great.  She says she hasn’t had a chance to talk to him since she heard about the engagement.  What is there left to say, asks Nick, except congratulations?  

 

Shocked Hilary asks Neil, “A divorce??  WHY?  Did Lily say something?”  Neil stares at the ceiling.  Why would she say that?  Um, because Lily just left and usually wishes Hilary were dead.  Neil says there are facts here.  They both know it’s not going to work out, and they both know why.  Hilary looks like she’s going to puke because MAYBE HE KNOWS ABOUT DEVON.

 

Instead of thanking Neil for setting her free, she says, “Do you think I don’t love you??  Because I do.”  He knows.  Waah, so does he not love HER anymore?  It’s because he LOVES her that he’s letting her go!  Hilary calms down and says this is about his EYES, isn’t it?  Whew, she thought it was about her loins! Neil says she didn’t sign up for this. 

 

For some reason, Hilary argues with him that this is the life she wanted!  “Being married to you, loving you, living with you, having sex with Devon.”  Neil thinks Hilary should have an exciting and vibrant life!  Hilary says they still can!  She was just exciting and vibrant about an hour ago.  “NO,” screams Neil, “WITH SOMEONE WHO CAN SEE!!!”  Someone who can see HER! She’s upset and asks if that’s all he thinks she wants, to be seen?  Of course not, but he wouldn’t think any less of her if she walks out that door!  “I WOULD THINK LESS OF ME!” cries Hilary. 

 

Neil says all right, what do you want most?  She wants to make him happy, with Devon on the side.  Neil says what WOULD make him happy, is to see her go free to find happiness with someone else!  “MAKE ME HAPPY!!” he bellows, while shaking her.  “I want you to leave me.”  I think it would be rude not to at this point.

 

Kelly thinks Jack’s rose is just a ploy to get her to open up about her mother.  He wants to help.  Kelly says he can’t, because she and her mother will never get along.  But that’s what she said about Stitch!  That’s different, she’s NEVER liked her mom.  Jack says but Maureen is trying, she’s reaching out.  Kelly’s thinks that is an ACT.  She will never trust her. 

 

Jack thinks Kelly is amazing the way she bounces back from her troubles.  And he also thinks something about her is scary.  Her multiple personalities?  No, that she walks away, from basically everyone.  He presents her a list to defend:  Her ex-husband (that was mutual!), and her brother (that was justifiable!), and Billy (wtf?!), and now her mother.  He can’t help but wonder if THEY run into a bump, possibly in the form of a psychotic, alien, possessed woman, that Kelly will walk away from HIM.  She asks what she can do?  “Let me in,” says Jack, in to that tangled web of your mind.

 

Okay, first of all, she got sent away to boarding school, so that explains a lot.  Even before that, her mother was distant to JUST her, and not Stitch.  And again with how she sided with Stitch after her WONDERFUL husband who gave her a WONDERFUL life and two WONDERFUL children was murdered for being so damn WONDERFUL.  Jack says everyone grieves differently.  NO! It was like she didn’t even MISS HIM. 

 

KELLY missed him a whole bunch, and wallowed in all his stuff and pictures like a real weirdo, because she LOVED him, but her own mom just wanted the whole bed to herself like he didn’t matter.  Maybe he had the jimmy legs, did you ever think of that, Kelly?  She can’t be DISAPPOINTED by that woman one more time in her life, OKAY?  IT JUST UPSETS HER FAR TOO MUCH!  Wow, Kelly needs counseling.  Like even more than the rest of the town.  Way more.

 

Sharon interrupts Kelly’s insane confessional because she needs to book the club…for her wedding reception!!  She flaunts her ring with a big grin.  She and Nick are tying the knot again!  Jack gives her a big hug and says that is fantastic!  “After everything you and Nick have been through, the love you two have…it lasts,” he says pointedly to Kelly.

 

Stitch TOLD his mom he has everything under control…so why is she staying??  She wants to spend time with him and Kelly!  Really, says Stitch, you gonna stick to that story?  Yes, she wants to at least catch a glimpse of the business lives her kids have created with extremely wealthy friends, and he’s going to have a BABY!  Maybe, says Stitch.  And she’d really like to mend fences with Kelly now that she has a super rich, handsome boyfriend. 

 

Maureen feels bad that the past has come back to hurt Stitch, but he says don’t worry.  That’s on him, he says protectively.  “All our lives changed that day,” she says softly.  Stitch says all they can do is try to move forward as best they can.  This cheery conversation reminds him he needs to go.  He opens the door, and Jack is standing there.  Stitch frowns and leaves.  Mo lets Jack in.  He’s got a few things he needs to say to her without Kelly around.

 

Billy tells Chelsea they don’t have to explain anything to Victoria, he signed papers to that effect.  Vicky can’t argue with the fact that they’re both free to do whatever they want now.  Billy tries changing the subject to Johnny going to gym class, and Stitch walks up.  Billy’s like, greaaat. 

 

Nick tells Nikki she accepted the news so easily, he thought she was just keeping the peace.  Well, darling, of course she has her reservations about the ranch burner, but Sharon’s been doing a lot better lately.  She makes Nick happy, and she’s a good mother.  Nikki knows how first hand how difficult it can be when it feels like things are slipping away…in…your..life.  She drifts off as she spots a bottle of wine and slips into a Dylan Trance for a few seconds.  But she hopes he stays happy.  Nick asks about HER happiness, is anything going on?  “There is nothing going on with me!” she shrilly snaps.  “I wish you and everybody was just back off!!”  Nick’s like, whoa.

 

So Stitch is like, Hi, everyone!  Then Abby comes sweeping through the door behind them. “You’re early!” she says.  “You’re late,” he says.  “Well, I’m HERE, so that’s all that matters, right?” says Abby.  Victoria weakly waves.  She is definitely the fifth wheel now.  Billy’s like what could Abby and Stitch possibly be meeting about?  Stitch drops it on Billy that Ashley hired him as her new chemist. 

 

Billy and Chelsea are like, whaaa?  “So, Jack didn’t tell you that?” asks Stitch.  Billy admits he hasn’t seen his brother lately, maybe he should read his emails or go to work or something.  Abby admits she’s still adjusting, but Uncle Billy will just have to get used to roaming the same halls as Stitch.  Ha.  Billy would have to be there first.  Odd man out Victoria forces Nick and Sharon’s engagement into the conversation.  She says despite their ups and downs, he never stopped loving her or wanting to have a real family together.  Subtle.

 

Nikki apologizes and says it’s all the pressure of Ian being out there, and Victor constantly pressuring her.  Noah and Faith get home, Nikki hugs and leaves.  Nick announces a family dinner.  Noah’s like, uh, I have plans.  Nick doesn’t believe that any more than we do, so Noah is staying.   It’s the best kind of dinner, says Nick, but they have to wait for Mom to find out why.  ADORABLE Faith is like, omg, is she bringing a puppy?!  Nick laughs and says it’s not a puppy.  Faith asks if it’s BETTER than a puppy?!  Nick has no idea how this ranks against puppies.  Pretty high, I guess.  Suddenly Noah asks, are you…getting married?  Faith almost explodes! 

 

Sharon and Kelly work on the wedding plans.  They talk about flowers, and Sharon smiles and holds up the rose, and asks if there’s anything better than a single rose from someone who loves you?  There really isn’t.  Sharon’s thrilled that Kelly’s brought happiness to Jack again after Sharon sent Alien Phyllis into a coma.  Kelly says he’s brought her more happiness than she thought possible.

 

Jack tells Maureen that her visit has upset Kelly.  Mo feels bad about that.  Jack doesn’t want her to hurt Kelly anymore, so maybe she could tell him all her personal shit so he could understand it all better.  He manages to ask so nicely it doesn’t sound as preposterously offensive as it actually is.  So why did she come?  Mo says her job ended and she had some time to make up with her kids.  Oh, the time she lost after her husband died? Wouldn't you love to talk about that?

 

She relates to Jack by saying you do the best you can for your kids!  And at the same time you try to create your own life for yourself.  And sometimes those two roads do not actually come close to each other!  Oh, boy, does Jack understand.  So, basically, Kelly is Summer.  Seriously, Jack should be dating Maureen.  But he says Kelly still has a lot of questions, and perhaps Mo could give her the answers she needs.  Did anyone hear Kelly asking questions?  She thinks she already knows everything.

 

Maureen says she wishes she could help make Kelly make sense of what happened to her dad.  Why can’t you? asks Jack.  Really?  “How was I supposed to deal with my husband being killed by one of my children?!!  It was HORRIBLE!!  It was a TERRIBLE, terrible tragedy!  And I’ve worked very hard to put that behind me.  And so has Ben.”  And so has Kelly, says Jack.  “Do you think I don’t KNOW that?” says Maureen.  Yeah, but she said it like Kelly was an afterthought.  Maybe because Kelly didn’t go to prison and have to change her identity.

 

But Maureen proudly says Kelly was her first-born, her baby girl!  And from the minute she was born, she thought every minute about how to PROTECT her..and, um… Jack’s antennae go up.  Maureen changes course and says Kelly’s a strong girl, and is making a great life for herself.  Jack asks, “But what happened to her…?” Is PAST, says Maureen.  Kelly needs to look to the great FUTURE she has, and Jack should help her with that.  He promises to.  Thank you, Jack.  He says they should talk more later, and leaves feeling kind of confused.  Don’t you get it, Jack?  Kelly’s in DENIAL about her “wonderful” dad.

 

Nikki knocks next!  She just wants to explain more about why she used a fake name at the bar, even though she fully explained it yesterday, enough so that Maureen says it’s no big deal.  She promises that whenever she crosses her path, she’ll call her Nikki.  Nikki’s like, wait, what?  “How long are you staying in Genoa City??”  Mo doesn’t know.  Nikki looks distressed.  Mo says she knows she doesn’t know Nikki very well, but is she okay?  Why is she so freaking nervous?  Rich people are weird, Maureen.

 

Victoria sits alone and mopes while watching Abby and Stitch talk their super secret, confidential, Stabby shop talk loudly in public.  Blah blah blah.  Stitch is trying to set up the lab.  Abby plans to keep her nose in Stitch’s business.  Great.  Eyes roll in every direction.

 

Victoria also gets to watch Billy and Chelsea chit chat about how crowded this pool deck is today for PDA.  Billy doesn’t want to hide it.  They rehash how they started out with [rape] zero trust, and then friends, and then benefits, and now what?  Billy says, dig in!  No boundaries, no pressure, just see where it goes.  Vicky pouts in the distance.

 

Neil is seriously kicking Hilary out, just like that.  It’s the best decision for her whether she likes it or not.  He sure loves making decisions for Hilary.  It seems she’s NOT liking it at all.  She looks at their wedding picture and has a flashback to Neil proposing to gorgeous her with the gorgeous ring.  Devon is forgotten, and she tears up her Get Out Of Marriage Free card. 

 

“Neil, I won’t go!  I can’t!”  She throws herself in his arms.  “I will never, never leave you!!!”  Neil pushes her off and says not to fight him on this.  “I am FIGHTING you, Neil!”  They made vows for better or worse!  She promised him they would get through this.  “You ARE NOT, you are not going to push me away!!  Now I don’t want to hear another word about us ending our marriage.”

 

There’s a knock on the door.  Unbelievably, it’s not Devon.  It’s Jack.  Hilary says he has perfect timing and she rushes off.  Neil admits to Jack that he tried to let Hilary go.  Yeah, he probably heard all that through the door.

 

Sharon says Kelly probably knows she used to be married to Jack herself, but they’re just pals now.  Kelly admires Jack’s loyalty to his bevy of past women, and would she mind dishing on Phyllis?  Not to speak ill of the ill, but Sharon is DELIGHTED that Jack is dating a woman like KELLY, who has never slept with NICK.  Kelly heard there was quite a history between Sharon and Phyllis.  Sharon says it was historical all right.  Kelly asks if after Phyllis moved on with Jack, did they ever get to a “decent place.”  Do Phyllis and decent belong in the same sentence?  Sharon says things were NEVER GOOD with the scarlet harridan, but, hmm, she can’t remember HOW they left things.  (They left them at the bottom of a stairwell.  I heard it all from Creamy Nude.)  Oh, well!

 

Faith is super excited she won’t be a love child anymore!  Maybe she can be reaccepted into 6yo society now!

 

Billy goes to check on Johnny, and Chelsea says she’ll meet him downstairs.  She passes Victoria, who says she bets Chelsea could barely wait for the ink to dry on those divorce papers.  “What I see is a woman who moves really fast,” says the woman who got pregnant in the back of a car.   Chelsea says she can’t have it both ways.  “You made your single bed, now sleep in it.”  Burn. 

 

Stabby watches with some interest.  Abby decides to go butt in.  Vicky finds it fascinating that for months Chelsea pretended she was trying to help save their marriage.  Um, Chelsea WAS trying to help.  “Yeah, help yourself to my husband.”  Chelsea’s like, after you DUMPED him!  “While we were still married.”  “WHILE you were sleeping with Stitch!” retorts Chelsea.  Vicky really doesn’t have a leg to stand on here.

 

Abby says, hey, unless you guys want to land on the cover of the GC Buzz, you need to cool it.  Doesn’t Chelsea have a dress to go sell, or something?  “Or something,” sneers Chelsea to Victoria, and sashays off.  Abby feels victorious because Chelsea left and says there is no need to thank her, Sis, she is always here for her.   Oh REALLY, Sis?  Because from where Victoria was sitting it looked like she was FLIRTING with Ben.  Abby looks shocked, since she was just being a colossal bitch to him, as always.  Oh, Abby, we can all feel your Sam & Diane lust from a mile away.

 

Noah tells Nick he’s really happy for them.  Nick knows he had his doubts.  Noah just wanted to be sure Mom was stable enough for this.  What a difference a year makes, says Nick.  Noah remembers how CRAY Mom was last year, when nothing was her fault, viewers!  Like when she got that red light ticket.  Omg, if that means you’re crazy, then…um, never mind.  

 

Nick says she ran across that recently and thought maybe that was something she was trying to remember, but oh, well, who cares?  Shick doesn’t care about that secret anymore.  What matters is that they are together now, and NOTHING is going to break them apart.  Nick is required to say this once per episode.  I still don’t know what’s going on with this slicked back, mullet hair.  He looks like a hockey player, eh?  Go wash your hair, Nick, before that breaks you apart.

 

Sharon runs into Hilary in the park.  She notices Hilary looks seriously upset.  Hilary says it was a rough day.  Sharon says if she needs a friend, she’s willing to listen.

 

Neil asks Jack if agrees that it’s best for Hilary to leave him.  Jack is blown away that Neil would even consider the possibility.  He realizes Neil thinks this is a noble effort, but he sees how good they are together!  Unless…there’s some other reason he thinks Hilary would want to leave, like his backstabbing son.  Neil will count the ways that Hilary is devoted, determined, encouraging, loving…  “And you told her to go away?”  Neil says she REFUSES to leave.  Why would a beautiful woman want to be with him, he can’t even SEE.   Because she’s crazy about you, says Jack.  Which is worse, believing she’s staying out of pity, or forcing away a woman who loves you?

 

Maureen realizes Nikki is worried about trusting some woman she just met in a bar.  She swears on her soul that anything that was said stays between them.  Nikki relaxes a little and says it’s just that the tabloids will jump on any little thing, like drinking, when she just needs a “break” from the pressures of being Mrs. Victor Newman.  Maureen says it must be so tough being a billionaire, and being watched all the time.  It must be very lonely.  Woe, it can be, says Nikki.  Maureen understands loneliness, too.  They start making out.  Just kidding!

 

Maureen says, “But now there’s going to be a baby!  And there’s nothing better than a baby!”  She tells Nikki to focus on the positive things in life.  Nikki says, well, her son is engaged.  That’s a wonderful thing to celebrate!  She pours a glass of wine for Nikki.  Oh, heavens, no!  Maureen’s like, I’m so sorry.  She totally forgot Nikki doesn’t “really” drink.

 

Noah says the impending marriage has made Faith VERY happy.  Nick knows how she feels.  Noah leaves, and Nick gets out the traffic ticket and stares at it.  Did they ever pay it?

 

Hilary thanks Sharon for a shoulder to cry on but she’s fine.  She and Neil will get through this, she says, holding back tears.  So let’s hear Sharon’s good news instead.   She tells her that she and Nick are getting remarried.  Hilary’s happy for her. “Now I get to spend the rest of my life with the man I love.”  Hilary’s like…yeah.

 

Jack remembers how crappy it was to hear he was never going to walk again, but he got through it with family love and support.  So Neil shouldn’t be trying to get rid of Hilary, he should be EMBRACING her support.  Gosh darn it, Jack is right.  Neil went about this all wrong.

 

Chelsea and Billy drink and jokey flirt at the bar.  She takes his hand and says she’s really looking forward to this.  Billy is too.  “Look what we’ve made from a rotten beginning.  Imagine what we could do with a great one?”  I’ve lost my mind, but I like them as a couple.

 

Ugh, Abby is like so sure, Victoria.  “There is zero, zip, zilch happening between me and Stitch.  Do you really think I’d hit on him??”  Vicky apologizes.  It must just be hormones and being rejected by the two men she blew off and wants to pine over her for life.  Abby thinks she’s just freaking out because of Billy and Chelsea, but trust her, Chelsea cannot compete with Victoria.  Well, seeing them together has stiffened her resolve to get over Billy.  Abby doesn’t buy that, and she hopes the divorce doesn’t mean she’s going to go back to Stitch.   Victoria says that’s never going to happen either.  Then quit bitching!

 

Kelly meets up with Stitch.  He tells her he was with Mom, and Jack showed up for a little visit.  Kelly wishes he hadn’t done that.  Stitch is aggravated.  He knows Jack cares about Kelly, but he wishes he wouldn’t get involved in their bullshit and stir things up with Mom.

 

Maureen apologizes for offering Nikki alcohol and offers her something else…some yucky soda, tea?  I think Nikki just wants a straw.  “Well, ONE drink won’t hurt.”  “Atta girl,” says Maureen.  Cheers!

[Joimiaroxeu]

Nikki stops by wearing a bright raspberry dress.

The ladies of GC have been rocking the solid jewel tones lately and it's been fabulous.

 

For some reason, Hilary argues with him that this is the life she wanted!  “Being married to you, loving you, living with you, having sex with Devon.”

Oh the snark...it burns!

 

“Look what we’ve made from a rotten beginning.  Imagine what we could do with a great one?”

"A rotten beginning" is what they're calling being drugged and raped now? Ugh. When's Adam getting back?

 

“Well, ONE drink won’t hurt.”  “Atta girl,” says Maureen.  Cheers!

Maureen is so slippery. She'll have drunk Nikki trawling trucker bars before it's over with. I love it.

[movinon]

 

“What I see is a woman who moves really fast,” says the woman who got pregnant in the back of a car.

Peach - this one is great!  Victoria is such a pain in the ass these days - maybe your special snowflake has special problems, like knowing what she wants.  

 

[miamama]

He can’t help but wonder if THEY run into a bump, possibly in the form of a psychotic, alien, possessed woman, that Kelly will walk away from HIM.

 

(They left them at the bottom of a stairwell.  I heard it all from Creamy Nude.)

 

 

What matters is that they are together now, and NOTHING is going to break them apart.  Nick is required to say this once per episode.

 

A few gems from yet another fabulous recap.

Edited September 21, 2014 by miamama