Favorite Quotes: Oh, I'd wear clown makeup if I thought it'd get me a conviction.

[Xeliou66]

From tonight’s episode

Cosgrove “Does the name Judge David Keating mean anything to you?”

Lucy’s boyfriend “is that a tv show or something?”

I laughed out loud at that.

[shapeshifter]

Also from 21.4 "Fault Lines," right after they find the body with ID and determine it was judge:

• [BERNARD] Looks like our DOA was a judge.
• [COSGROVE] Not the verdict he was looking for.

*Sigh*
Dear Jeffrey Donovan,
You are a skilled and experienced actor. I am sure you want to put your own stamp on the character of Detective Frank Cosgrove. But for these wry, pithy sound bites that close the opening scenes, please, please, puh-leazze, watch some clips of the delivery of these lines by Jerry Orbach as Detective Lennie Briscoe.
Or even the delivery by Anthony Anderson as Detective Kevin Bernard from back in the day.

Thank you.

[Door County Cherry]

21 hours ago, Xeliou66 said:

From tonight’s episode

Cosgrove “Does the name Judge David Keating mean anything to you?”

Lucy’s boyfriend “is that a tv show or something?”

I laughed out loud at that.

I did too because unlike the "that wasn't the verdict" or "game, set, match" lines, it wasn't the obvious quip that could be seen from a mile away. 

[Xeliou66]

From Season 19’s Exchange 

Bernard “You think the city tax department would hire someone with a serious mental disease?”

Lupo “Might explain a few things about the tax code!” 

[Prairie Rose]

One line that always made me chuckle was from "Bad Faith" (S5), when Briscoe and Logan are trying to find Logan's childhood priest. Briscoe says he'll try the DMV and Logan gives him an odd look. Then Briscoe says, "what, priests don't drive?" Just the way he said it struck me as funny. 😂

[Toothbrush]

Jerry Orbach as Lennie could make the most mundane line a work of art. 

[Xeliou66]

I love this line from Stone in Happily Ever After, when talking to defense attorney Schell

“A crime of passion is never pure, and it’s certainly not simple”. Very true words. 

[Xeliou66]

From Skin Deep, the season 3 premiere

Stone about the case “it’s not a walk in the park”

Schiff “It is, you’re gonna get mugged!!”

For some reason I found that bit of dialogue hilarious. 

[Xeliou66]

I liked ME Rodgers shutting down defense attorney Garnett’s questioning during the trial of the guy who shot the abortion doctor in Progeny - when Rodgers was being crossed by Garnett and asked about whether she had done autopsies on pregnant women where the fetus died at different times than the body, and Rodgers replied different parts of the body often die at different times, and Garnett presses her and she says “fine, you like this answer better: I’ve autopsied gunshot victims where the fetus died first, then the brain, then the rest of the body’s been kept alive on life support for a week. You’re question is moot, sir”. I love ME Rodgers and thought she did a great job there.

[Xeliou66]

From Deceit in season 6, I liked Briscoe’s subtle put down of Curtis’ homophobia when Curtis said he “couldn’t deal with the lifestyle” of being gay but he had an appreciation for how they had to hide it all the time, and Lennie replied “yeah from people who can’t deal with the lifestyle”. Curtis was so damn sanctimonious and self righteous and somewhat bigoted, it was always nice when he got called out for it. 

[andromeda331]

On 5/26/2022 at 4:58 PM, Xeliou66 said:

From Deceit in season 6, I liked Briscoe’s subtle put down of Curtis’ homophobia when Curtis said he “couldn’t deal with the lifestyle” of being gay but he had an appreciation for how they had to hide it all the time, and Lennie replied “yeah from people who can’t deal with the lifestyle”. Curtis was so damn sanctimonious and self righteous and somewhat bigoted, it was always nice when he got called out for it. 

Yes, it was. That was an awesome remark from Briscoe.

[Xeliou66]

This exchange from the first part of Baby It’s You, the season 8 crossover with Homicide, makes me laugh, when Gee tells Munch to do the background work Briscoe had requested and says that it shouldn’t matter that Briscoe slept with Munch’s ex wife 

Munch “Okay but how did you know he slept with Gwen?”

Gee “How do you know I didn’t sleep with her!”

And of course there are some good moments with Briscoe/Munch together investigating such as the scene at the graveyard. 

[Xeliou66]

From Second Opinion 

Jack on the defendant Dr Haas “Haas tells one patient she’s got a cure it’s a little white lie. She tells two patients it’s unforgivable. She tells three patients she’s a murderer. She tells four patients she’s a damn murderer and it’s all admissible!!” Great passion from Jack there, I liked how without going overboard on personal stuff they established him as different from Ben in that he more visibly passionate and less uptight and formal.

Edited June 7, 2022 by Xeliou66

[andromeda331]

4 hours ago, Xeliou66 said:

From Second Opinion 

Jack on the defendant Dr Haas “Haas tells one patient she’s got a cure it’s a little white lie. She tells two patients it’s unforgivable. She tells three patients she’s a murderer. She tells four patients she’s a damn murderer and it’s all admissible!!” Great passion from Jack there, I liked how without going overboard on personal stuff they established him as different from Ben in that he more visibly passionate and less uptight and formal.

Me too. I don't like when shows add a new person that's so similar to the person who just left. It never works. I'm glad L&O went the better route by make Jack so different from Ben. They were good at doing that with every new cast member. They weren't always the better person (cough Serena cough) but the new character was different from the person who just left.

[Xeliou66]

14 minutes ago, andromeda331 said:

Me too. I don't like when shows add a new person that's so similar to the person who just left. It never works. I'm glad L&O went the better route by make Jack so different from Ben. They were good at doing that with every new cast member. They weren't always the better person (cough Serena cough) but the new character was different from the person who just left.

Yes I really appreciate how L&O didn’t go with carbon copies of previous characters when replacing them with a new character. They were in a tough spot replacing Ben as he was a great character but they brought in Jack who’s equally great, and yet a very different character. I liked how they established him as different from Ben right off the bat, while not going overboard with personal stuff. That line I posted above showed Jack’s fiery passion, as contrasted with the stoic, business-like Stone. 

[andromeda331]

31 minutes ago, Xeliou66 said:

Yes I really appreciate how L&O didn’t go with carbon copies of previous characters when replacing them with a new character. They were in a tough spot replacing Ben as he was a great character but they brought in Jack who’s equally great, and yet a very different character. I liked how they established him as different from Ben right off the bat, while not going overboard with personal stuff. That line I posted above showed Jack’s fiery passion, as contrasted with the stoic, business-like Stone. 

So do I. They were both good at their job but in different ways. I love Stone's stoic, calm, business like manner.  I love Jack's fiery passion and outspoken nature. 

[Irate Panda]

Adam Schiff: Quick, lock the door. Someone might walk in with a case we can win.

[Xeliou66]

 Surrender Dorothy has a couple of great Briscoe one liners - I love his “you better hope your waiter isn’t a Yankees fan” to the suspect who was wearing a Mets cap that had just given an alibi, and particularly his “take your own advice Doc, surrender with love” when arresting Harlan Graham, that was perfect. I love this episode and Briscoe was at his wisecracking best in it. 

[Irate Panda]

I forget the exact wording, but in Narcosis, Lennie and Abbie are reading the transcripts from Hot Rod’s $2.99/minute ‘virtual sex” chat and after months of Hot Rod begging Miss Shelby to meet him he finally exclaims, “You’re using me!”  Lennie turns to Abbie and very enthusiastically says, “DUH!!!” 

It was such a simple statement, but I absolutely cackled when Lennie said it. I’m not even sure why it struck me so funny, maybe I just didn’t expect Lennie to use that word, but I’ve been laughing randomly throughout the night thinking about it. 😂😂

[Xeliou66]

From Chosen, Dworkin’s first appearance

The clerk “the people of the state of New York against Steven Strelzek”

Dworkin “I object Your Honor. The people of New York, that’s a bit prejudicial, certainly doesn’t mean all of the people of this great state are against him” and he goes on and on. Hilarious. Dworkin did this same rant in his appearance in the SVU episode Gone Fishin. 

[Xeliou66]

One of my favorite Lennie quips, from Patient Zero

Officer “Drove up the block like a bat out of H-E-double hockey sticks”

Lennie “What precinct are you from, Sesame Street?” 

[Xeliou66]

From Missing

Briscoe and Green are discussing fusion cuisine, and Lennie quips “my idea of fusion is hamburger meets French fries” that line cracks me up every time.

[Xeliou66]

Briscoe in Deceit, after talking to a lawyer who’s not showing much emotion over a murdered colleague - “I read where sharks have feelings. Now I know better”. That line made me laugh.

[Xeliou66]

From Trade This 

Mob boss - “my son’s a moron, but he’s not a murderer”

Carmichael - “so he’s only half a chip off the old block!”

That exchange makes me laugh every time, one of the funniest one liners in L&O history. Also later in the episode when discussing the trial, Schiff tells McCoy “time to make your bones, consigliere” just the way Adam delivers that line is awesome. 

[Xeliou66]

I love the final lines between Jack and Adam at the end of Refuge - when Jack thought Adam was going to fire him because of arresting the mobsters without charge

Jack “it’s okay Adam, if I had disobeyed a direct order from Frank Hogan, he’d have canned me too”.   
Adam “that’s Frank Hogan”.   
Jack “Adam?”     
Adam “I said no martyrs”

Very simple lines but very well done. Refuge is a fantastic two part episode. 
 

[andromeda331]

On 1/19/2023 at 8:02 PM, Xeliou66 said:

I love the final lines between Jack and Adam at the end of Refuge - when Jack thought Adam was going to fire him because of arresting the mobsters without charge

Jack “it’s okay Adam, if I had disobeyed a direct order from Frank Hogan, he’d have canned me too”.   
Adam “that’s Frank Hogan”.   
Jack “Adam?”     
Adam “I said no martyrs”

Very simple lines but very well done. Refuge is a fantastic two part episode. 
 

I also like how Adam points out the city has been through worse and survived.

Adam Schiff: Get off your high horse. This city has had riots, police officers killed, government buildings attacked. We got through it just fine without tearing up the constitution.

[Xeliou66]

From Missing - one of Lennie’s best quips ever 

Him and Green are at a rather fancy fusion cuisine place and are discussing the menu and Lennie quips “my idea of fusion is hamburger meets French fries!” Great line delivered perfectly, makes me laugh every time I watch the episode.

[Xeliou66]

Hilarious one liner from Access Nation, when the two therapists are bickering at the office, Lennie quips “do you two see other patients or do you just treat each other?”! Hilarious line and a funny scene.

[Xeliou66]

From Kid Pro Quo - when Rodgers tells Briscoe/Green that the victim had an oophorectomy, Briscoe quips “she had her oophers removed?” - that cracked me up for some reason and the look Rodgers and Green gave him was funny as well.

[Xeliou66]

Adam’s rant about the judge’s ruling in Kids cracks me up “dumb, stupid and idiotic!” and then saying about the judge “if she gets overturned anymore she’ll be walking upside down!”. Adam has some hilarious lines. 

[Xeliou66]

From Sundown, where the guy had been stealing a ton of hospital food and taking it home, including cans of peas, Lennie quips “I thought only good boys ate their peas!” - that cracked me up, in fact the whole scene was funny. And this was right after Rodgers’ classic “free javelins” quip. 

[GHScorpiosRule]

Adam:,”You did your best. Did it right. You lost. I used to ask, how can a man put a sheet on his head and lynch somebody? Usually he can’t, by himself.”

Ben: “But when there’s more than one…Four cops let him die.”

Adam: “And 12 citizens did it again.”

Ben: “And they voted their indifference.”

”Manhood”

[GHScorpiosRule]

VanBuren: “If you thought your kid was being abused, what would you do?”

Mike: “This is America. I’d sue the bastard.”

Me: 😂😂🤣🤣🤣

”Cruel and Unusual”

[GHScorpiosRule]

“We called you Father. How could you do that to us? You even did it to your own kid. How could you do that?”

Me: chills. Noth was GREAT here.

”Bad Faith”

[Xeliou66]

15 minutes ago, GHScorpiosRule said:

“We called you Father. How could you do that to us? You even did it to your own kid. How could you do that?”

Me: chills. Noth was GREAT here.

”Bad Faith”

Yeah that was a great scene. Father Joe was such a disgusting sack of human waste - Bad Faith is a great episode, nice moments for all of the characters but especially Logan. Nice to see Cragen again as well. 

[Harry24]

Given that Lennie was the King of the One Liners, Adam was Crown Prince and Abbie Crown Princess, I’ve often wondered if there were certain writers who had a special knack for writing quips for each of the three.  I imagine the room full of writers struggling and saying, “We need a quip for Adam.  Call Marge!!!"

[Xeliou66]

From season 12’s Slaughter -

Lennie to the perp who was a supervisor at a meat plant, when comforting him with the evidence and the guy looked worried, Lennie quips “what’s the matter, you look like you’re about to have a cow”, that was funny given the episode was about improper handling of beef.

And when he arrests the fast food guy and the guy demands a lawyer, Lennie responds “you want fries with that?”. Lennie had the best lines and his delivery was awesome.