Season Four General Discussion

[brgjoe]

Instead of prision, I still say maybe they should make those two actually live in Browntown for 30 days.  And do it without any outside help.

 

And film the thing.  Let's watch the hilarity ensue.  :)

[Beden]

Actually, does anyone know when they really do have to begin serving their sentences--or where? I know it was said above that they should be serving where the crimes were committed (ie, Alaska) but are they appealing? I also assume ( I know, never assume) that a decision regarding a new season is pending dependent on the jail thing and maybe Billy's health. Maybe?

[Rock knocker]

Actually, does anyone know when they really do have to begin serving their sentences--or where? 

 

I believe that when the judge rejected the plea deal, Bam and Billy were then allowed to rescind their guilty pleas and the whole trial must begin anew.

[Rock knocker]

I saw on Building Alaska, that one of the contractors featured is using the large freight company (Sea Level Transport/ MV Lite Weight) as has been featured in Alaska Bush people as "giving" some smaller jobs to the Brown Clowns.  Kind of surprised Building Alska didn't want Matt and Bam bringing twenty tons of lumber ashore with the skiff.

 

Watching Building Alaska, I have a hard time believing that the MV Lite Weight professionals  would even consider using the Browns.

 

http://www.sealeveltransport.com

[SRTouch]

I believe that when the judge rejected the plea deal, Bam and Billy were then allowed to rescind their guilty pleas and the whole trial must begin anew.

Only partially correct. In Nov the judge rejected the plea agreement, saying some jail time was warranted, so guilty pleas were redrawn. But, everything did not go back to square one. Instead the judge reset the court date, and sent the prosecutor and defense to renegotiate a plea agreement. On Jan 12 they came back to court and presented a new agreement, which the judge accepted.

New deal requires Billy and Bam to pay back all PFD funds, plus fines, makes them ineligible to receive any future PFD funds, serve community service, and 180 days in jail (with 150 days suspended, so actually they'll serve 30 days).

http://m.juneauempire.com/local/2016-01-11/out-bush-and-prison#gsc.tab=0

To answer original question, I don't think they've announced when or where the jail time or community service would be served. The judge made a point of saying there should be no filming of the community service, so the jail time may also be kept quiet until it's over.

[SRTouch]

I see where the new season is set to start May 6 at 9 (8 here in central time zone)

http://www.people.com/article/alaskan-bush-people-new-season-confronts-brown-family-legal-trouble

When I saw an ad on TV I googled and found several articles with various conflicting "facts". The above article says the new season will have the Browns return and rebuild Browntown, while another articlemail http://www.starpulse.com/news/index.php/2016/04/01/alaskan-bush-people-to-be-filmed-at-ur

says production may move to lower 48. Perhaps it should be mentioned that the article which raises the possibility of moving to the lower 48 is the oldest and seems to be based on http://www.fayobserver.com/news/live_wire/live-wire-alaska-bush-series-is-moving/article_8ede1f45-597b-5a46-9725-7367fc892ed1.html

Oh, I see http://www.inquisitr.com/2986876/alaskan-bush-people-season-4-premiere-date-announced/that Billy and Bam start serving their jail time April 15

[Beden]

According to INquisitor on 4/20/16. Take it for what its' worth.

 

The Alaskan Bush People fraud scandal has taken yet another surprising turn. Sixty-two-year-old Billy Brown and his 31-year-old son, Joshua “Bam Bam” Brown, will not be headed to jail for 30 days after all. The Alaska Dispatch News previously reported that as part of a plea agreement, the two men would turn themselves in to serve time in mid-April. Instead, the Associated Press reports the Alaskan Bush People stars will be serving their sentences through electronic monitoring.

The two men made a plea agreement after it was learned the Brown family had claimed thousands of dollars in oil revenue strictly reserved for Alaskan citizens — and despite not being residents of the state for years. Previously, it was reported that in addition to paying back the dividends and coughing up thousands of dollars in fines, the reality TV stars would hand themselves over and serve a month in jail.

With the revelation that the 30-day sentence doesn’t involve actual jail time, some are wondering if favoritism is a factor.

Perhaps the fault is with the media and the general public for making the assumption that jail-time would be the only available option. According to Sherrie Daigle, a special assistant with the Alaskan Department of Corrections, the department “has discretion in determining how a sentence is served.” For instance, risk factors reportedly play a vital role in deciding if certain crimes get punished with jail time or who qualifies for electronic monitoring.

Her claim is in line with what Department of Corrections spokesman Corey Allen-Young told the Alaskan Dispatch News.

    “Inmates who want to serve their prison sentences at home must apply for the department’s electronic monitoring program, Allen-Young said. The department requires that inmates in the program meet a list of qualifications, including no weapons or alcohol in their homes. They also cannot be convicted sex offenders and must have a working landline phone, among other requirements.

    “‘You have to be considered very low-risk,’ Allen-Young said.”

Although fans of the Browns and the Alaskan Bush People series would agree with the notion that this family is “very low-risk,” there is one qualification listed here that it would seem the reality TV stars fail to meet, and that’s the “no weapons” requirement.

Anyone who has seen the show is acutely aware of the use and ownership of by the family, especially when it pertains to hunting and protection from possible threats.

Read more at http://www.inquisitr.com/3014240/did-alaskan-bush-people-stars-get-out-of-jail-time-thanks-to-their-fame/#IvWwzTE8rQjsfmc0.99

[Fosca]

I suspect, if they're doing that, they're not out in the bush; haven't they been living in Seattle for the recent past?  In addition to weapons, I doubt the cabin has a landline.

[Lemur]

I suspect, if they're doing that, they're not out in the bush; haven't they been living in Seattle for the recent past?  In addition to weapons, I doubt the cabin has a landline.

 

You mean Noah didn't rig one up out of some pine cones and an old filing cabinet?

[SRTouch]

According to INquisitor on 4/20/16. Take it for what its' worth.

 

The Alaskan Bush People fraud scandal has taken yet another surprising turn. Sixty-two-year-old Billy Brown and his 31-year-old son, Joshua “Bam Bam” Brown, will not be headed to jail for 30 days after all. The Alaska Dispatch News previously reported that as part of a plea agreement, the two men would turn themselves in to serve time in mid-April. Instead, the Associated Press reports the Alaskan Bush People stars will be serving their sentences through electronic monitoring.

Really no surprise. As I remember it, back in January when the plea deal was made, Billy's lawyer was fighting jail time saying he shouldn't serve any time and judge Pallenberg mentioned alternatives to jail like halfway houses or electronic monitoring. Officials with the state’s Department of Corrections will have to decide how to best carry out the Browns’ sentences, Pallenberg said. (Pallenberg was the judge who presided the case and passed sentence.) http://www.adn.com/article/20160111/alaskan-bush-people-father-and-son-get-30-days-jail-lying-about-residency

[Beden]

I think I saw but may have been mistaken...is there a start date for the new season yet?

[SRTouch]

I think I saw but may have been mistaken...is there a start date for the new season yet?

Yep, Friday 6 May at 9pm/8Central

[Beden]

Thank you, I saw the date posted above after I wrote that post. Sorry.

[clod]

mug shots?

[SRTouch]

Looks like DISC wants to get us ready for another season of the Brown Clan. Officially, the new season kicks off next Friday, May 6. But for those that can't  wait, reruns start this afternoon with an "Off the Grid" episode at 7pm central, 8 eastern and pacific. My DVR info says this is the first time it will be aired, but it's probably one of those phony original shows which are really just a rerun with pop-ups. (I hate these, as it's really just a gimmick devised to fool my DVR into recording a rerun.) Hmmmm, a phony show about ABP, who'da thunk it. Following that is a preview of the new season, where the Browns will tell us what they missed about Alaska during their trip to the south, a little behind the scenes stuff, etc.

[brgjoe]

I only had it on a few minutes before I had to leave.  They kept mentioning how the Brown clan wanted to so badly to get back out of the lower 48 to be in Browntown again.  Did they say why they were in the lower 48 to begin with?   Did they mention anything about the trial?

And I wonder how they will cover the trial if they mention it this upcoming season.

[Beden]

I admit it, pathetic as it is I had the 'new' show/preview on while I was doing some sewing  hand work. It was all how they couldn't wait to get back to Alaska, old clips, few unseen old scenes and finally--in the last 30 seconds (no kidding) a brief comment about having to deal with jail time for dad and Bam. So I guess TPTB realized that they had to address it, they just downplayed the hell out of it.

[SRTouch]

Most striking thing about the preview show for me? All the piles of trash, scrap lumber, etc scattered around Browntown! This is nothing new of course, but looking at the mess just reminds me of their haphazard living style. 

[roamyn]

Okay, hubby had this on last weekend and I got strangely hypnotized.  It's like the show is a mongoose and I'm a mouse.  It's like a drug - bad for you, but addicting.

One question I have, that I didn't really understand,  Why did Matt not get charged?  Raindance (or whatever), I understand, she's a minor.

And is there another daughter?  It sound like there may be from the previews.  Or did I misunderstand?  Wonder what her name is?  Poppyseed Honey Dressing?

[CN42]

I'm with you, roamyn. I really, really dislike these people but I can't quit watching. Their accents are what bother me the most. Noah especially grates on my last nerve. I'm no linguist so I can't explain it in print, but he pronounces some words with hard consonants, ie., goin-gah for going, then pronounces it the "normal" way in the next sentence. "It's not right-tah, but that's the way-ya he emphasizes some word-za."  If that makes any sense. If not, just listen to him for awhile. Very affected speech, IMO.

On the other hand, I enjoy watching Bam-Bam, a 30-something year old man who still goes by a cartoon character's nickname. He's acts like he is SO over the Brown family and doesn't really want to be there. Except for the paycheck, of course.

Yeah, I'll keep watching, but I won't like it. Guess that's what they call hate-watching, huh?

Edited May 1, 2016 by CN42

[Beden]

AS memory vaguely serves Matt wasn't charged because either he didn't apply for money he didn't deserve or simply admitted that he wasn't in Alaska during those time periods (or maybe he really was there then?)...somehow he wasn't charged with lying. Maybe he was the only one smart enough to realize that things like that can bite you in the ass down the road. And yes, I think Rainwater was clear because she's a minor. And Ibelieve daughter #2 was charged, as was almost everyone else in the family but charges were dropped in a plea bargain.

Does that sound about right, folks? Corrections if wrong, please--my memory is shit.

Evidently Bam's real name is something normal and biblical (Solomon? Joshua? whatever) but TPTB seemed to think an old nickname was more catchy. Once in a while one of the sibs slip and call him by his real name.

Also, does anyone else know anything about the rumor that Bam is a father, has a kid out there somewhere? I heard that somewhere but can't remember where. Ami may have a grandbaby after all. Or not...rumors...

Edited May 2, 2016 by Beden

[Missmissie173]

Okay - anyone else going to admit they will be watching tonight...I can't wait! .God I feel like a freak for being excited * slumps out of room into a dark corner*

[SRTouch]

34 minutes ago, Missmissie173 said:

Okay - anyone else going to admit they will be watching tonight...I can't wait! .God I feel like a freak for being excited * slumps out of room into a dark corner*

Yep, I watch not only watch this, but the American Dumbest programs. 

[AZChristian]

Joining you in the corner.  I have my DVR set, just in case I get busy or forget to watch it live.

[ClassyCourtHeels]

I'm lolling hard at the spin they are putting on this prison thing. They are acting like the state government is coming after them and preventing them from living in Browntown. The reality is the fact that they weren't living in Browntown so they were not entitled to the oil royalties.

Edited May 7, 2016 by ClassyCourtHeels

[brgjoe]

Yep.  I just knew if they did address this topic, they would do the, "Oh, we're completely innocent and the big bad gubmit is trying to take away our way of life!"  So that wasn't surprising.  I thought for awhile they'd use the excuse that the wandering bear that trashed their place also ate all their records and receipts.  ;)

Daddy Billy claimed that they just don't have any records because they live in the bush, and take rides on various modes of transport that don't issue receipts and such.  But golly gee, they do have bank accounts which somehow received funds from that Alaska dividend.  So they must have completed some sort of paperwork in the first place to get that $$.

And I wonder how Matt feels that supposedly Bam Bam was shown as the hero-type who supposedly stepped up and was the family member who would serve time along with good ol' Billy?  Because I think Matt was the only family member who wasn't charged in this whole mess (well, other than Rainy who is a juvenile of course).  He's the oldest and you would think he would be picked to serve the time with Billy -- that is if the evil gubmit wanted to punish someone else along with Daddykins.   Probably Matt though was intelligent enough not to take that dividend in the first place.

So it pretty much unfolded the way I thought it would. 

[Beden]

Yep...as my old granddaddy  used to say 'all you can expect from a pig is a grunt'. Papa hit that nail on the head; Billy is and will always be the professional grade scammer and grifter we've come to love and expect and he'll keep spinning his bs until the good lord calls him home. I also couldn't help but wonder what the production paid legitimate hauler Paul to let them have the use of his obviously new skiff and motor for the season for doing some delivery for him. My guess is that TPTB bought that boat and offered Paul some easy $ to pretend he'd do them a favor with the loan.

I was also wondering how Browntown has electricity...in various scenes there was clearly electric lighting in various sites--the main house, Noah's tent and so on. Generators? Solar (I doubt that one)?

And Noah has a new lady to spark, bless his heart. Local casting has been busy.

[Rock knocker]

Just a couple of points, mostly in response to posts above:

1)  Billy didn't let us down, the family is a victim.  But then you wonder why, if they only pled to stop the attacks, why didn't they plead nolo contendre? I just kinda think the state has the proof.

2)  I too wonder why the MV Lite Weight is involved in this fiasco.

3) There sure are a lot of make or break occurrences at  Brown Town, things that could change their future happen daily.  Wow.

4) Last year the cabin was framed up and the interior was finished with cardboard.  Now the interior is finished with nice clean cedar ship lap, cut with a stationary miter saw.  When did they get the time to do that while they were all dying in Seattle and the bears owned the cabin?

[SRTouch]

14 hours ago, brgjoe said:

Yep.  I just knew if they did address this topic, they would do the, "Oh, we're completely innocent and the big bad gubmit is trying to take away our way of life!"  So that wasn't surprising.  I thought for awhile they'd use the excuse that the wandering bear that trashed their place also ate all their records and receipts.  ;)

Daddy Billy claimed that they just don't have any records because they live in the bush, and take rides on various modes of transport that don't issue receipts and such.  But golly gee, they do have bank accounts which somehow received funds from that Alaska dividend.  So they must have completed some sort of paperwork in the first place to get that $$.

When Billy started his spin on the fraud conviction I quit watching. It's on the DVR, so I may watch it eventually, but more likely will just delete it. I may watch to see if they try to explain why it was imperative for all of them to go to Seattle for Billy's treatment. There are several adults who could have stayed behind for a week or two to clean everything up and secured things for the winter. Or here's a scarey thought, let a couple of those late 20's-early 30's "kids" spend the winter "alone". Guess they couldn't trust Matt to keep from going to the big Hoonah city for pizza, stealing some hooker's car and getting arrested for another Dui hit and run. It's obvious why Bear couldn't stay - he would have started the most EXTREME extreme fire ancient Browntown would be no more. Bam, Noah, Gabe - nope not a single Brown boy could be trusted to stay behind without Birdy to tell them what to do, and she had to go to babysit teenage Rainy, besides she like pizza, too.

I caught the end of the episode, so I already know they didn't try to move the vehicle on their homemade barge yet.  Can't help but wonder if that vehicle actually belongs to someone, or if it's  a junker from some junkyard, and if someone does own it, why they would trust it to the Browns and the WITHOUT Integrity.

[Missmissie173]

4 hours ago, Rock knocker said:

4) Last year the cabin was framed up and the interior was finished with cardboard.  Now the interior is finished with nice clean cedar ship lap, cut with a stationary miter saw.  When did they get the time to do that while they were all dying in Seattle and the bears owned the cabin?

The Bears thought it was a vacant foreclosure, so they did the rehab...sorry couldn't resist! ;)

Did anybody else notice that Matt and Billy had nail polish on?  When they had close-ups of their hands, I swear I saw the same OPI brand of pink polish I occasionally use. Life in the bush is sooo hard.

Might want to stop the manicures before the "evil, bogus charges" (yeah, all the Alaska governments' fault - real shocker there - NOT) have them serving their time in the Big House...they may get some "special attention" that won't fall under Bush Hospitality.

Also, Noah now lives in the former chicken house?  Way to attract a Bush Princess, Noah...man he is a freaking weirdo.

One more thing.  I really get the feeling that sweet, maternal, long suffering  Ami/Ammie (sp)?, anyway Bush Mom, could be quite the nasty bitch given the opportunity.   There is some gangsta living under those cardigan sweaters

Why, why, why do I watch this show? I guess for snarky giggles.

[Beden]

Actually I remember (and through the endless reruns) that the local carpenters not only built the house for them but also did the nice interior finishing. I recall seeing it last season and thinking that the locals did a nice job on it.

Now, now...Noah said that the chickens had been gone for a while and the smell was almost gone...and I'm dying to see what happens with his new ladylove...might we have a bush wedding in the offing? And grandbabies?

Yes, I also suspect that Mother Am can be quite the strong willed lady when she wants to be, bless her heart.

Quote

There are several adults who could have stayed behind for a week or two to clean everything up and secured things for the winter. Or here's a scarey thought, let a couple of those late 20's-early 30's "kids" spend the winter "alone".

Between Billy's medical problems and the jail sentences (which were largely dismissed, right?) I'd think that after Browntown being trashed several time by bears it might occur to them to leave a couple of the boys there to guard the place--or at least make a stab at bearprooffing the place but noooooo. So let's toss/burn everything, call it god's will and start over. Yet again.

Edited May 8, 2016 by Beden
typo

[Beden]

Quote

Ami has some type of severe cervical arthritis that is very painful and there's suggestion that she no longer could "live" in the bush-  Apparently surgery was suggested, but Ami declined.  Most likely, she doesn't want to give up the paycheck she's getting from Discovery.  Both she and Billy look to be pretty shaky when it comes to their health; I wondered when she was in the hospital how they were going to pay for it. 

I had reason to read an old post from last December (honest to god, I had a reason) and this caught my eye. I know that any legit production company for film or TV must carry insurance in the event of injury or illness which could suspend filming and cost the production people $ or possibly cancel the show/film.

Obviously we know that the Brown's have more $ than they let on but I"m wondering if the company ins paid for at least some of those medical bills. I can certainly see Billy claiming that without those bills being covered or in the case of them forgoing medical care due to (claimed) lack of funds that they'd have to bow out of the show. Basically holding up the company if they want their cash cow to continue to bring in the $.

Just a thought.

[SRTouch]

3 minutes ago, Beden said:

I had reason to read an old post from last December (honest to god, I had a reason) and this caught my eye. I know that any legit production company for film or TV must carry insurance in the event of injury or illness which could suspend filming and cost the production people $ or possibly cancel the show/film.

Obviously we know that the Brown's have more $ than they let on but I"m wondering if the company ins paid for at least some of those medical bills. I can certainly see Billy claiming that without those bills being covered or in the case of them forgoing medical care due to (claimed) lack of funds that they'd have to bow out of the show. Basically holding up the company if they want their cash cow to continue to bring in the $.

Just a thought.

Nah, obviously they bartered fish for it like they did with the dentist. LOL the dental care for fish barter caused a backlash in some circles - apparently it's crime in Alaska for the dentist to have accepted the barter. 

[mmmsoap]

On May 1, 2016 at 11:03 PM, CN42 said:

 Their accents are what bother me the most. Noah especially grates on my last nerve. I'm no linguist so I can't explain it in print, but he pronounces some words with hard consonants, ie., goin-gah for going, then pronounces it the "normal" way in the next sentence. "It's not right-tah, but that's the way-ya he emphasizes some word-za."  If that makes any sense. If not, just listen to him for awhile.

Noah has a very weird prosody very similar to those with Asperger's Syndrome (Autism Spectrum Disorder), but I don't think we see enough of him overall do diagnose one way or another. I do see other speech impediments, specifically that he has a hiccup or stutter in the middle of a syllable, and then will finish the syllable anyway (as opposed to starting the entire word over, or skipping the interrupted syllable). That's where he ends up with weirdly interrupted words, like "goin-ga" that you pointed out.

I try hard to not dislike him for mannerisms that he can't control, but he really is an unlikable person. He's so full of himself, and convinced that he's smarter than anyone else, which is a pretty good indication that he isn't. I always enjoy it when we get little glimpses from the others in the family that they're fed up with his bullshit (like when Bam was all "I don't need a nuke, I just want to smoke some fish", or when Billy was all "cut it out kid, it's only you and me here now").

[Rock knocker]

Just what is wrong with Noah's leg.  When most people get hurt, they give your a run down of how and what happened ( I was rescuing a bunch of kittens from a burning building and tore my ACL,  or I got drunk and fell on my face and broke my nose).  From Noah we get the story that he injured his leg, very vague and nothing else.  You got to wonder if he just got a little owey and nothing more, but has learned from dad how to milk this out to the n-th degree.  I bet if most of us knew what the injury was, we would just look at him and tell him to call the wambulance. I think the kid is faking.

[SRTouch]

10 minutes ago, Rock knocker said:

Just what is wrong with Noah's leg.  When most people get hurt, they give your a run down of how and what happened ( I was rescuing a bunch of kittens from a burning building and tore my ACL,  or I got drunk and fell on my face and broke my nose).  From Noah we get the story that he injured his leg, very vague and nothing else.  You got to wonder if he just got a little owey and nothing more, but has learned from dad how to milk this out to the n-th degree.  I bet if most of us knew what the injury was, we would just look at him and tell him to call the wambulance. I think the kid is faking.

Well, you see, there was work that needed doing...... He learned the fine art of coming up sick or lame following Poppa Billy's example

[new jersey devil]

I loved how the idiot said "I will bring the industrial revolution to brown town".

[Beden]

So we can look forward to him inventing a steam engine or cotton gin soon?

[Rock knocker]

And we are all left wondering if Noah can be the person he was before Christie.

 

Yikes, in a family of weirdos he's the weirdest.

 

And his song sucked.

 

That and Bam is just a nasty asshole.  Why do he and Matt even choose to be around each other, to hell with Billy's "keeping the family together" stuff.  Those two just hate each other.

[DoctorK]

Quote

So we can look forward to him inventing a steam engine or cotton gin soon?

No, I am waiting for him to invent the internet.

[Rock knocker]

Noah can't weld either.  And his pipe wrench hatchet is stupid

[Beden]

Quote

That and Bam is just a nasty asshole.  Why do he and Matt even choose to be around each other, to hell with Billy's "keeping the family together" stuff.  Those two just hate each other.

Why, yes he is that. I'm going out on a limb here and thinking that TPTB insisted that it was the whole family or nothing; especially after the first season or two were aired. Plus there's a paycheck attached for each family member.

Noah...just...my goodness. His endless creativity (has this boy never heard of the concept of 'edit'?), his chivalry, his sensitivity, his mega IQ, his ability of physical labor, his skills in tidying Browntown. Is there any way to let him know I'm single??? Gosh.

[Rock knocker]

Another thing Noah did wrong, when re-smelting you own bullets from garbage and reclaimed lead, you need to flux out the other metals.  This can be as simple as throwing saw dust into the mix, and ladling off the top scum.   How people who are so adept at living off the land don't know this is beyond me.  This is make your own bullets 101.

 

I don't think Noah's date was there on a date, it was more of a trip to a semi working anthropology museum.  

[SRTouch]

12 hours ago, Rock knocker said:

Noah can't weld either.  And his pipe wrench hatchet is stupid

Is there any wonder why Noah is my least favorite? While everyone else is off making their "biggest haul" ever, here's Noah back at Browntown. In his own words, there is a "lot of work to be done" cleaning the colossal mess created by their 3 month absence. Instead of actually doing anything useful, Noah shows us how he can take two perfectly good tools and create a hunk of scape metal. For his project, Noah is taking a hatchet with a broken handle (course if this idiots put their tools away instead of leaving them lying around the phantom bear wouldn't have broken the handle) and welding the head onto a monkey wrench. Okay, maybe not perfectly good tools, a hatchet with a broken handle and a wrench that was rusted solid unless he stole it from production maintenance.

Magically, while the mold and mildew was destroying all his clothing, his shop now sports a work bench grinder, welder, bench press, and who knows what else. I sometimes just hit the pause button and count the many inconsistencies shown in the background. Things like the many electrical outlights in the kitchen. Or how Noah used a hand powered drill in a project, then a week or two later a couple battery powered hand drills were used to put on that disaster of a tin roof on the cabin.

Anyway, he welds the two together (in possibly the ugliest weld ever) and creates "Damascus".  Noah proclaims Damascus is the perfect hatchet, capable of cutting anything. Nevermind that a hatchet is a tool designed for light chopping, like making kindling. This monster weighs way to much to use with one hand. Noah tries to demonstrate the thing splitting kindling, and promptly shows it'll never be useful at the woodpile.

Course, in his mind Noah is not making a useful hand tool, he thinks he's making some medieval weapon - henchmen the name Damascus. I predict Damascus is destined to join all his other great projects (his bush clothes dryer, his bicycle elevator, the bicycle generator, etc) in the junk pile otherwise known as Browntown's town square.

[new jersey devil]

I really hope Noah does'nt believe his own bullshit. Mean to say, the kid thinks he's some kind of "once every hundred years" special snowflake.

[JJ Watt]

About this girl that "Dork Cloud" Noah is supposed to be trying to date. That girl is a cutie, she must be trying to get into TV or something, because their is no way she can find Noah, and his collection of Bush animal testicles interesting. 

[SRTouch]

5 minutes ago, JJ Watt said:

About this girl that "Dork Cloud" Noah is supposed to be trying to date. That girl is a cutie, she must be trying to get into TV or something, because their is no way she can find Noah, and his collection of Bush animal testicles interesting. 

Well, she appears to be a great actress with amazing self control. I mean she didn't bust out laughing when Noah started singing. And I have to give Noah credit, he was right this time. When she asks if he can play the keyboard, he's 100% right when he answers not really. It was painful listening about his song of his break up with long time sweetheart Christy. How could she dump him? They were soulmates, his longest relationship, and she left him high and dry after three months (just to go to school, IIRC). Yep, listening to his song was painful - the keyboard - the lyrics - his voice - everything about it hurt my ears. And the brave girl stood there in the chicken coop and told us how romantic he was.

[Jenkins]

Yeah, first thing I thought when I saw that girl was wow, she is WAY out of his league, she must want TV time or is someone the producers found to play the part of his new love interest.

And my arm hurts even thinking about swinging an 8-10lb hatchet more than once...completely impractical and a good way to hurt yourself since control of the tool is compromised due to weight.

[mmmsoap]

15 hours ago, Rock knocker said:

Noah can't weld either.  And his pipe wrench hatchet is stupid

I totally agree. The entire point of a hatchet/axe is to save effort. The fact that he has to work so hard to get it back out of the stump means it's not right for the job. (Also, love the whole "I don't know if there's anything this couldn't cut", then demonstrating by splitting a tiny piece of kindling.)

[DoctorK]

I finally got around to watching last night’s two episodes, Oh My! Where to start? (Take a deep breath, this is a long post.)

I can’t decide if these clowns are the Keystone Kops (you youngsters can google this) or the Three Stooges of the wilderness. Legal issues – denial, denial, denial with a big shot of martyrdom. Bonfire – burn pallets (several of them painted blue); later at the dump, pick up more pallets (several of them coincidentally painted blue) to build the raft.

The raft “model” was really pathetic, something a 5 year old would put together in five minutes to play with after a heavy rain and then let it go down the storm sewer. A model is supposed to give indications of how the real full size device will behave. Let us consider some “building a raft” related terms that none of these goons have ever heard of, let alone be able to spell: Modelling, Scaling, Buoyancy, Density, Center of Gravity, Top heavy.

Then there is the great struggle to move the vehicle, naturally with no safety rope around a tree, just two people holding ropes on a slippery slope. Then let’s put the youngest person in the 2,000 pound car so that if things go wrong she goes into the water and may be trapped. By the way have I mentioned 2,000 pounds enough times yet?  The same 2,000 pound car that didn’t seem to make the raft sit any lower in the water than before the car was loaded.

Some more terms these clowns have never heard of: Pulleys, Block and Tackle, Mechanical Advantage, Come-Alongs (cheap manual winches)

More on the raft - Since they already knew that the raft tends to nose down at anything over walking speed, did no one think of loading the car slightly behind the center of buoyancy so that the barge would tend to nose up slightly? Sorry, silly question.

More fun items:

 “Ocean” actually means something, not any random body of water. When the hatchet clown used the word “Damascus” I think he was trying to refer to Damascus steel, a very specific method of steel production that I guarantee he cannot describe in any way, shape or form. (Which reminds me of a Pawn Stars show where the middle guy was showing how knowledgeable he is by mentioning the Battle of Leyte (pronounced lay-tee) Gulf, but called it "Layette Gulf". Shows what happens when you just glance at your scripted spontaneous moment.) You don’t pour molten lead into a “cast” to make a bullet; you pour it into a mold; that is called casting. Speaking of which, I wonder if the clown with the muzzle loading revolver is a prohibited person and barred from owning, using or even handling anything that is a “firearm” under Federal law (muzzle loaders are generally not firearms under federal law, at least the last time I checked). And as mentioned above, casting bullets is pretty simple, especially when (as shown on the show) you buy a commercially produced set of molds.

I am pretty sure that after watching these two hours of nonsense, my IQ has dropped appreciably.

Edited May 14, 2016 by DoctorK
clarification