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Scream Quotes: "Why is there a knife in your throat!?"

DollEyes

By DollEyes
in Scream Queens [V]

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DollEyes

DollEyes

  Here's the obligatory thread for Scream Queens quotes, such as the one mentioned by Denise the campus security guard in the thread subtitle after she found her pal's corpse in the car after she searched the sorority house for the Red Devil killer. I would've used "Hello, Idiot Hookers," to quote Chanel #1, but I thought that might have been offensive.

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vavera4ka

vavera4ka

Gigi: It’ll be fun, like a Friends episode… but someone’s trying to murder all the Friends.

Denise Hempville: You just said the killer is up there and that's where you wanna go? NO! You don't do that! What you do is run the hell away.

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JakeyJokes

JakeyJokes

Chad Radwell: Dude, in the ghetto, if you run around the streets with baseball bats yelling the Red Devil’s name, they have to come out and fight you. There’s a whole code. Believe me, I know.

 

Gigi: I bought '90s Trivial Pursuit!

 

Munsch: Gigi, you're terrible at tennis. I'm leaving.

 

Denise: Are y'all crazy? There is a psycho killing people. He killed my dear friend and Secure Enforcement Solutions colleague Shondell. Stabbed that girl right in the face. Now, she wasn’t that cute to begin with, but that is not the point. The point is, there’s a missing girl, blood on the floor, and she’s tweeting, ‘Oh hey, just want y'all to know I’m getting murdered,’ and y'all standing here like, 'Ooh, I wonder what happened?’ THE GIRL IS DEAD.

 

Munsch: I’d like to say a few words in closing. Let’s tell each other how we feel about one another. Find that tortured gay kid in your life… hold them close tonight.

 

Chanel #1: You're so confident without being mean. What antidepressants are you on?

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tom87

tom87

(edited)

Chanel: “No one forced that goat to get as drunk as it got!”  1x1

Chanel: “There is something so depressing about a poor person walking around in couture. 1x3

 

Hester: “Can I call you MOM?”  1x2

Hester: "My muscles have atrophied, and the pain from not wearing my brace has me on the verge of passing out, but I've never been happier in my whole life. Chanel says I can hold her hair back now on purge nights!" 1x3

 

Denise: #Cahoots  1x3

Denise: I hate horseradish, but I love me some Arby's. 1x3

 

Earl (British guy) : It's a bloody tragedy.  

Chad: Yeah, well, it was really bloody. 1x3

 

Dean: The police are still investigating the tragic passing of freshman Tiffany de Salle...

Hester: Passing? She had her head mowed off.  1x3

 

Chad: "You had your chance, Chanel, and you ruined it. When you started freaking out when I said I wanted to have sex with your corpse." 1x3

Edited by tom87
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JakeyJokes

JakeyJokes

Chanel #1: I'm as skinny as Karen Carpenter in the morgue.

 

Chanel #1: I recently took a Women's Studies class. Yes, because it was a requirement. But I learned a lot anyways!

 

Denise: See, I did some research down at the library.

Pete: I did some research down at the library.

Denise: When?
Pete: When?
Denise: Last night.

Pete: Last night.

Denise: I didn't see you there.

Pete: I didn't see you there.

Denise: Which library?

Pete: Which library?
Denise: Baker Street.

Pete: North Jackson.

Both: Ohhhhhhhh.

 

Hester: I'm so grateful you guys are sharing your non-food lunch with me, but won't we die if we eat cotton balls?

 

Chanel #1: I may die by the end of some serial killer's blade, but I refuse to die hungry. Let's go get some pizza.

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tom87

tom87

(edited)

Denise:

Now-now, no, I'm not a detective, hell, I ain't even a cop, but what I am is somebody who watched every one of those Cosby Mysteries, okay?

Denise Hemphill was one step ahead of the po-po!

I think the reason you want to have a haunted house party is 'cause a haunted party is like a buffet for murderers.

 

Mandy:

I looked at that baby up close. I know my peas and carrots. That baby was a girl.

 

Chad:

Bet you're a sexy dirt-covered girl.

Kind of make it hard to throw you a bone when I can't even find you.

 

Hester:

And this bitch puts out.

And if you're lucky, maybe in the next couple of days, you'll get a call from someone with a very scary location of where to meet. And maybe... she'll let you in the back door.

So, do you think you're man enough to take me inside that house and attack my crack?

I'll sure this house has an amazingly romantic basement.

Edited by tom87
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JakeyJokes

JakeyJokes

Chanel #5: Why do I have to be Mary Todd Lincoln?!!
Chanel #1: Because the field of mourning First Ladies is very limited! Unless we extend it to presidents who were almost assassinated. In that case, Chanel #3, you can be Bess Truman but you have to be wasted the entire time, or alleged Hollywood mattress Nancy Reagan

Chanel #3: Dibs. I want Nancy.

 

Gigi (after being caught fornicating with Wes): We were hi-fiving!

 

Grace: Dad, I knew eventually you would end up with someone, but I just didn't want it to be somebody I know! Also, she's clearly mentally disturbed.

Gigi: I can hear you guys. Awkward ...

 

Denise: We're both very into research for our roleplay, so there is a surprising amount of dialogue.

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tom87

tom87

Chanel #1: There are no dinosaurs (in Hell)?

Chanel #2:   No, as soon as I was down there I was like "Where are the dinosaurs? And they were like " We know. Jesus broke in and sole them."

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tom87

tom87

(edited)

Chanel: First of all, I'm American I don't have to understand anything.

 

Hester: I mean you Know what they say. Those that pill together kill together.

 

Dean: I've seen that movie 50 times.

 

Boone: I can't live like this all I do is work out and kill people.

Edited by tom87
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JakeyJokes

JakeyJokes

Chad: You're so hot, you give my bone a bone.

Chanel: CHADDDDDD. Thank you so much for that compliment!

 

(Hester blows a kiss to Chad)

Chad: Just so you know. I only caught that kiss so I could throw it away in the garbage.

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tom87

tom87

Chanel: Gravity killed Hester. I just gave her a little push.

Chad: Believe me, no one's more disappointed that Hester's hot dead bod isn't in here

 

Chanel #3: But modern Thanksgiving, at least in the Swenson family, is basically a Tinder date. It looks so good at first. Inviting, the possibility of a real connection, but when you actually arrive at Swenson Thanksgiving's door, the whole thing is just fat and upsetting and disappointing.

 

Thad Radwell: I'm Thad Radwell. And this year I'm so thankful for the lax indecency laws in Eastern Europe that inundate our Internet with millions of hours of hard-core porn. Which helps to just generally raise the bar on the stuff that chicks feel like they have to do now.

 

Hester: This is a blessed occasion. Because I am carrying a little bit of each one of you inside of me. I have a little Radwell inside of me.

 

Hester: But I'm carrying your son's seed.

Bunny Radwell: The only thing you're carrying is water weight, you bloated little tramp. That's not a baby bump. That's a poo belly.

 

Chad; Tastes like Henry VIII just barfed in my mouth.

 

#5: I brought some of my famous eight-meat stuffing. It's beef, venison, alligator, buffalo, rabbit, goat, rattlesnake and Spam.

 

Chanel: I'm sorry, but someone needs to contact the good people at Hasbro, because the odds of you picking neck brace whore are astronomical.

 

Hester: I was sharpening this knife. I couldn't find Ms. Bean's carver, but this one is definitely sharp enough to glide easily through roasted flesh.

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tom87

tom87

(edited)

Hester, on life in the asylum: “It did get a little lonely there. Sometimes I made friends, but then the next thing you know, they’re getting a full frontal lobotomy.”

 

Hester, on herself and finding a “cloak of social invisibility”: “Even though I only ate asylum food and never really exercised, I was blessed with a super tight bod. My butt could launch a thousand ships, and my boobs were remarkably perky and even. Couple that with my BJ lips and I was gonna need something pretty spectacular to keep everyone from wanting to get all up in this.”

 

Hester: “Easily cuts through muscle and bone, and has the added advantage of making sure you victim’s final emotion is terror.”

 

Denise, breaking up with Chad: “We got too close to the sun, baby. We shined too bright.”
Chad: “I promise I will never bang anyone the way I banged you.”
Denise: “Boy, you gonna make me cry!”
Chad: “Go, just go!”
Denise: “You don’t want to look back at it? One more time?” (Turns her booty towards him and he looks and cries as she walks away. Best break-up ever.)

 

Dean Munsch, confronting Hester: “I know it was you, Hester. I remember that little girl’s face in the bathroom that night. It’s burned into my memory, like Joe Thiemann’s injury and “Two Girls One Cup”.” (You’re on your own for a link to that one.)

 

#5: “Your app is broken! I’ve got zero swipes on my profile!”

Edited by tom87
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Chaos Theory

Chaos Theory

From the finale 2. Parter

Chanel: "I apologize for nothing!"

Hester: "it also helps to be totally freakin insane."

Melanie Dorkus: "This is the estate that three generations of my family went insane in."

Grace: "You can't kill people from a loving and positive place."

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JakeyJokes

JakeyJokes

(Hester gives the group a list of specific comsetics products she demands)

Chanel #3: All of those products have been discontinued for ten years.

Hester: Well, then you better start trolling CraigsList for estate sales of old French whores.

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tom87

tom87

(edited)

I", Chad Radwell, being of sound mind and bitchin' body..."

"She is like the Chelsea Clinton from an alternate universe if Hitler won the Second World War!"

Edited by tom87
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marymon

marymon

"Oh, hey! You’re Hester, right? The girl who murdered a bunch of folks and was locked in a cage downstairs but then they let you out for some reason and now you sort of work here?!” Chamberlain.

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bettername2come

bettername2come

(edited)

Chanel: You can steal my man with your ample booty and admittedly beautiful weave, but I will not allow you to take the money he obviously left for me so I can be rich enough for everyone to like me again. 

 

Denise: Brock, what the hell you supposed to be?

Brock: I'm the script of Batman v Superman.
Denise: You look like a bloody mess.
Brock: Exactly.

 

2x07

Chanel #3: I don't think I can make a future with a guy who's actually dead. Am I supposed to raise little half-dead, half-alive children?

Cassidy: I'm sorry, I didn't realize you were prejudiced against dead people.

Chanel #3: Everyone is. I'm just willing to admit it. 

 

2x10

Zayday: I was trapped in a well again. 

 

Chanel #5: I do have teeth in my vagina!

Chanel: I knew it!

Chanel #5: I didn't want to die a liar! They are very sharp, and I don't know how they got there. 

 

Chanel: All in favor of a terrible swamp death, raise your hand!

 

Dean: Damn my conscience!

Edited by bettername2come
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