Online Dating: Swiping Right Or Left?

[oliviabenson]

1 hour ago, Lantern7 said:

Technically, yes. Also, technically, I'm an adult . .  . though I have moments where I don't feel like I "adult" enough.

I felt like a kid until I became an orphan. Now I’m all grown up. 

[Lantern7]

Question for those reading this: Am I going to a weird/unsettling place with my posts? I'll back off if that's needed.

Edited December 13, 2022 by Lantern7

[oliviabenson]

1 hour ago, Lantern7 said:

Question for those reading this: Am I going to a weird/unsettling place with my posts? I'll back off if that's needed.

No

[possibilities]

I have not tried this. I cannot vouch for it.Someone just told me about it. I do not have an opinion about it at this time.

However, I pass it along in case someone else would be interested.

https://www.lavette.love/

[HerkyJerky]

On 12/9/2022 at 7:34 PM, RealHousewife said:

within a few years or so of my age

RH, what is your age? (Asking for a friend...😏)

[Lantern7]

Quick update: lady that liked my profile has yet to read my messages to her. Three sentences, one on each occasion. Just so you know.

[oliviabenson]

These dating apps will drive me to insanity. 
 

[possibilities]

The one I linked to does a background check on all members and has other measures to minimize lying.

[Bastet]

On 12/14/2022 at 8:39 PM, Lantern7 said:

Three sentences, one on each occasion.

Meaning you sent her a message, she didn't read it, and you subsequently sent her two more messages?  If so, don't do that.  All she did was like your profile.

Edited December 16, 2022 by Bastet

[Sweedish Fish]

Hi everyone!

I suppose I am posting because I want to give hope.  I've posted in the past when I was on OKC. 

I had my share of weirdo's during that time.  But I ended up meeting my love. We now live together I could not be happier. 

I was inches from deleting my profile.  So hang in there.

[theredhead77]

17 hours ago, Bastet said:

Meaning you sent her a message, she didn't read it, and you subsequently sent her two more messages?  If so, don't do that.  All she did was like your profile.

So much this.

I'll also suggest not messengering as soon as you are matched. Wait a few hours, especially during the work week. A very basic "hey! Glad we matched. I see you like (tv show). What do you think of the new season?". And leave it at that.

If they reply, great. If not you did everything right and whatever reason they have for not responding or un matching is theirs alone. 

[oliviabenson]

Could not go on my date last Friday. I asked to reschedule he said I will let you know. I texted him a few times all I got back was one word responses. He obviously isn’t interested anymore 😢

[oliviabenson]

He definitely was interested in a 1 night stand. Not interested in rescheduling. And I really liked him too.

[Lantern7]

Got another like. She didn’t read my message yet. Ditto for the woman who liked my profile a few weeks ago.

[theredhead77]

Sounds like bots, or they aren't interested. People swipe right all the time to bookmark, or to go back later.  No way to know. Just keep swimming.

[oliviabenson]

Deleted all the apps. Not worth it/not working for me.

[Lantern7]

Got yet another like, and she answered my ”thanks for liking my profile” message.

Yeah, I should quit OKC and maybe try free/cheaper services, or maybe go out and meet strangers face-to-face, but I feel OKC would be my best bet because of my various anxieties. Sad, right? Or maybe not that sad?

Edited January 1, 2023 by Lantern7

[theredhead77]

28 minutes ago, Lantern7 said:

Got yet another like, and she answered my ”thanks for liking my profile” message.

Yeah, I should quit OKC and maybe try free/cheaper services, or maybe go out and meet strangers face-to-face, but I feel OKC would be my best bet because of my various anxieties. Sad, right? Or maybe not that sad?

OKC has a reputation for being terrible. Try Coffee Meets Bagel, Tinder, or any other service besides OKC and POF. If you're serious about wanting to meet someone maybe it's time to pay for Match or eHarmony. They usually have specials at the start of the year. Or, yea. Join activities and go out in public to meet people organically.

I went to a local meadery last night and had a 20+ minute conversation about Stargate, Farscape, Firefly, and a bunch of other SciFi with the people who work there and other patrons. It wasn't a themed night, it's a place where people who like similar things to me usually congregate.

If your anxieties are holding you back maybe 2023 is the year you work on yourself through therapy and self-work to be the best version of you so you can be a healthy partner in the future.

Edited January 1, 2023 by theredhead77

[Lantern7]

. . . aaaaaaaaaaand her profile’s gone. Of course.

I’d joke about Primetimer setting up a dating site, but 1. That could actually happen, and 2. I’d probably get bupkis out of that as well.

Edited January 3, 2023 by Lantern7

[AgentRXS]

So I decided to try the Facebook dating app. I’m a single mom to a toddler, a part time student, and I work a full-time job. I don’t have time to meet people in real life. I am going in with zero expectations. I would like to find a partner, but am starting to accept that I may be single forever and that’s ok. If all that comes from it is some friendships, that would be cool too. It’s so freeing to not really give a crap either way. 

[Lantern7]

Graphic Novel about couple finding each other on OKC coming in June. The messed-up thing is that I’m probably going to get this regardless on whether that site comes through  for me. I am very familiar with the female half of the creative team. She’s a neurotic like me and she uses her issues and experiences very well as a comic and actress.

I don’t think I’d try a Facebook dating app. Aside from the general sketchiness, I keep getting a mental image of The Zuck as a cherub, and my mental health is bad as it is, thank you.

Edited January 6, 2023 by Lantern7

[oliviabenson]

Facebook dating app was a bust too

[stewedsquash]

@Lantern7 If your profile write up is as funny as your posts here on this site, it is only a matter of time before you make a connection. Either online or in the real world if you also talk to people in a fun way. Keep plowing through

[Lantern7]

On 1/6/2023 at 3:54 PM, stewedsquash said:

@Lantern7 If your profile write up is as funny as your posts here on this site, it is only a matter of time before you make a connection. Either online or in the real world if you also talk to people in a fun way. Keep plowing through

Maybe I should update my profile. Anytime I do that, though, I don’t get results. Not like I spend several minutes being clever, ending with, “So if you wanna jump on this . . . “ 

It’s a thing where I get discouraged, I try to change things a little, and nothing happens.

Man, I am not bringing positivity, am I? 🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️

Edited January 9, 2023 by Lantern7

[oliviabenson]

Signed up for coffee and bagels app.

Guy wants me to pay for a hotel and have a threesome. Why me? 

[stewedsquash]

@Lantern7  definitely do not end with jump on this!

 

[theredhead77]

20 minutes ago, oliviabenson said:

Signed up for coffee and bagels app.

Guy wants me to pay for a hotel and have a threesome. Why me? 

Could be fun!

[Bastet]

3 minutes ago, theredhead77 said:

Could be fun!

Yeah, but he should pay for the hotel -- he's the one who did the inviting.

[theredhead77]

19 minutes ago, Bastet said:

Yeah, but he should pay for the hotel -- he's the one who did the inviting.

I misread that he wanted her to pay for the room. Agreed, he should pay. 

[oliviabenson]

10 minutes ago, theredhead77 said:

I misread that he wanted her to pay for the room. Agreed, he should pay. 

The guy wants me to pay for the hotel. 

[Lantern7]

15 hours ago, oliviabenson said:

The guy wants me to pay for the hotel. 

I don’t really know if there are unwritten rules or common understandings in situations like that . . . but I’m thinking the guy would have to pay.

Also, if I somehow get an invite for that, I know it won’t be two women. No, it’ll be three dudes with bricks in their hands.

[oliviabenson]

28 minutes ago, Lantern7 said:

I don’t really know if there are unwritten rules or common understandings in situations like that . . . but I’m thinking the guy would have to pay.

Also, if I somehow get an invite for that, I know it won’t be two women. No, it’ll be three dudes with bricks in their hands.

Bricks in their hands?

[Lantern7]

21 minutes ago, oliviabenson said:

Bricks in their hands?

For bonking me in the head and stealing my money. Funny thing ... everyone involved would be disappointed.

[oliviabenson]

Last nite at like 10 pm 2 different guys from different apps asked me to come over for a hook up. No thanks.

[RealHousewife]

3 hours ago, oliviabenson said:

Last nite at like 10 pm 2 different guys from different apps asked me to come over for a hook up. No thanks.

This is one of my biggest pet peeves with modern dating. I am against purity culture and women being shamed for being sexual, but men have become way too damn comfortable expecting us to be down to mess around instantly. 

There have been guys who’ve thought their looks were why I wasn’t into them, and I thought they were all physically cute. It was starting out with sexual comments right off the bat that turned me off. 

[Lantern7]

I don't think my self-esteem will ever been high enough for me to go all "C'mere" on someone I barely know.

I should review my profile. With my luck, I probably wrote something like, "Feel free to match me, get a message from me, and then separate entirely from me."

[oliviabenson]

Another prize:

he interviewed me for a while then dropped that he wants a submissive girlfriend, said I was a low value woman and unmatched me… I dodged a bullet. Bye T. 

[Annber03]

Gee, what a charmer... 

[oliviabenson]

57 minutes ago, Lantern7 said:

I don't think my self-esteem will ever been high enough for me to go all "C'mere" on someone I barely know.

I should review my profile. With my luck, I probably wrote something like, "Feel free to match me, get a message from me, and then separate entirely from me."

I am not having any luck either

You are not alone in getting no where 

Edited January 16, 2023 by oliviabenson

[aradia22]

Quote

Another prize:

he interviewed me for a while then dropped that he wants a submissive girlfriend, said I was a low value woman and unmatched me… I dodged a bullet. Bye T. 

That's pickup artist/wannabe alpha language. You really did dodge a bullet. 

[RealHousewife]

What do you all think of men who do the whole cold approach thing at supermarkets and whatnot? 

[aradia22]

I think interactions with strangers should start with an asking for directions or asking for the time energy. As long as someone is prepared to quickly disengage if they're not getting a good response, I think it's fine. Picking someone up cold should be casual and not intrusive. 

There are exceptions... like it's tough to make it work on the train or the bus when the person you want to talk to is basically trapped. 

 

[HerkyJerky]

8 hours ago, RealHousewife said:

What do you all think of men who do the whole cold approach thing at supermarkets and whatnot? 

Has anybody seen the Anne Hathaway episode of "Modern Love" on Prime Video?

[oliviabenson]

I got asked for my number in Trader Joe’s once by a girl. She made it clear it was for a romantic purpose. 
 

Last trip to TJ a guy kept asking me which frozen food I liked. He was just asking lol. No number requested. 
 

 

[oliviabenson]

I truly wonder how many women go for these immediate 

hey wanna come over and fudge? 
 

 

[Bastet]

15 hours ago, RealHousewife said:

What do you all think of men who do the whole cold approach thing at supermarkets and whatnot? 

That's how a friend met her husband; he came up to her in Home Depot and asked her a question.  It was almost 20 years ago, so I don't remember specifics -- he asked if she knew about something in the section they were both looking for something in, she didn't, nor did the HD employee that came by, and while they waited for the other employee the first one said he'd go find, they chatted.  It took so long, they'd chatted enough by the time they both got what they needed that he was comfortable asking if he could give her his number and she was comfortable saying yes. 

But that may not be what you mean by cold approach -- do you mean just walking up to a stranger in a public place and saying, essentially, "You're cute, wanna go out some time?" rather than making conversation?

Because I've had men come up to me in hardware stores and go right for the "Hey, little lady, maybe I can help" vibe or the other, yet equally offensive, end of "Chicks who know how to use tools are hot".  Either way, get the hell away from me; dick is not what I am here shopping for.  Good gods, at least try some finesse. 

[AgentRXS]

So FB dating isn’t that bad for me. I like that its free and I can block them immediately if things get too weird.

Met a really handsome guy, we were having great conversations and clicking wonderfully….and then he told me his expectations in the bedroom and….yeah,no. Glad he told me up front before we went any further. Meh.

I’m finding many men want me to carry the conversation and I just don’t have the time for that. My life is too busy for me to keep track and remember to ask you mundane questions. 

[RealHousewife]

On 1/16/2023 at 12:52 AM, aradia22 said:

I think interactions with strangers should start with an asking for directions or asking for the time energy. As long as someone is prepared to quickly disengage if they're not getting a good response, I think it's fine. Picking someone up cold should be casual and not intrusive. 

There are exceptions... like it's tough to make it work on the train or the bus when the person you want to talk to is basically trapped. 

 

I’ve had experiences where men can be really pushing wanting all my information. It’s made me leery of getting chatty with men at all, especially if I’m anywhere late. That’s normally when I get approached. It’s just sad because two humans should be able to have a conversation at the supermarket or whatever. I don’t want to be standoffish, but I try to protect myself. 

[HerkyJerky]

4 hours ago, RealHousewife said:

I’ve had experiences where men can be really pushing wanting all my information. It’s made me leery of getting chatty with men at all, especially if I’m anywhere late. That’s normally when I get approached. It’s just sad because two humans should be able to have a conversation at the supermarket or whatever. I don’t want to be standoffish, but I try to protect myself. 

I have three sisters and plenty of female friends so I hear this all the time!  So, I'm cautious and it's made ME leery about casually approaching any female but it seems like only the assertive (if not down right aggressive) guys are the ones getting dates!

[oliviabenson]

12 hours ago, AgentRXS said:

So FB dating isn’t that bad for me. I like that its free and I can block them immediately if things get too weird.

Met a really handsome guy, we were having great conversations and clicking wonderfully….and then he told me his expectations in the bedroom and….yeah,no. Glad he told me up front before we went any further. Meh.

I’m finding many men want me to carry the conversation and I just don’t have the time for that. My life is too busy for me to keep track and remember to ask you mundane questions. 

Oh what were his expectations in the bedroom? Feel free to PM me. I had similar experiences.

And yeah I’m definitely most of the time asking all the questions…