Online Dating: Swiping Right Or Left?

[JTMacc99]

Ugh. 

[aradia22]

@theredhead77 I wouldn't call myself an introvert or someone with social anxiety but I do have trouble leaving the house sometimes. If you are really clicking with someone like that, I would try to be patient. Angry responses about not wanting to be pen pals might scare people off. 

I've been exchanging a couple messages. It's so much easier to write back to people who write to you first, even if it's a boring "how was your day" message. I know I should be brave but I'm not even convinced I want to date right now so it's difficult to find the motivation to write to people who seem like they're out of my league. But the people who write to me aren't great... I don't know. Something's got to change eventually but... not right now.

[theredhead77]

13 minutes ago, aradia22 said:

I wouldn't call myself an introvert or someone with social anxiety but I do have trouble leaving the house sometimes. If you are really clicking with someone like that, I would try to be patient. Angry responses about not wanting to be pen pals might scare people off.

Nah. I call that being clear about my expectations that I am here to meet people IRL instead of passively waiting or making it seem that I am OK with just a texting thing. If he isn't on the same page it's better to find out sooner than later.

ETA: I grew up in a house where my dad hated having people over (to this day he hates it when my mom has company), hated going to other peoples homes for the holidays (but also hated having them over) and hated going most places. It's only gotten worse as he's gotten older. I do not want that in a partner and if this dude can't even meet for coffee after a week of conversation about sci-fi shows we both love (built-in conversation) he isn't the guy for me.

Edited August 22, 2019 by theredhead77

[aradia22]

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I do not want that in a partner and if this dude can't even meet for coffee after a week of conversation about sci-fi shows we both love (built-in conversation) he isn't the guy for me.

Totally fair. I'm just speaking as someone who has some mental health struggles. If you're open to dating someone like that, it's part of the deal. 

I'm getting more of Guy #2. Guys who are flaky and noncommittal with lazy profiles who want your number IMMEDIATELY.

[aradia22]

I just came across a hilarious profile. Are women into thick thighs? I ask because this guy barely wrote anything on his profile so it mainly consists of photos. And though you get some sense that his upper body is fit, basically the angle of every photo emphasizes his thighs which are always displayed in what looks like women's leggings or maybe the tights football players wear... but they look like leggings. And it's not in a way that outlines his junk. Two photos show off his butt. 

Basically, this does not come across like the profile of a straight man. O.o

[JTMacc99]

9 hours ago, aradia22 said:

I ask because this guy barely wrote anything on his profile so it mainly consists of photos.

I've come to the conclusion that almost all of us really have no idea what we're doing when it comes to creating an online dating profile.

It's just a whole lot of throwing stuff up against the wall to see what sticks. Lots of photos? Not too many photos? A dozen photos, all from the neck up (I always chuckle at that decision. I don't think it matters if you are a man or a woman looking at that profile, when you get to about the ninth photo you have to be thinking, "Am I just going to be dating this person's head?") Lots of words? Barely any words? Try to be funny? Go with the ole "I'm just as comfortable dressing up for a night on the town as I am curled up on the couch watching a movie."

How any of this stuff ends up working out at all is kind of amazing.

[aradia22]

I blocked a guy who was asking weird questions about interracial dating. I think I'm patient. I won't immediately unmatch. But if you keep making it weird, then, no. I can't with that. 

Also, I have a date Friday. I wasn't planning on it. We haven't exchanged many messages at all. But I have an extra ticket for a thing and I thought... why not? I'm not expecting much but hopefully it'll be nice to have some company rather than go alone and waste a ticket. 

[theredhead77]

On 8/21/2019 at 11:57 AM, theredhead77 said:

Guy 1 - lots in common, we enjoy the same TV shows, same politics, and the conversation is flowing. He lives near me, sounds great. Sunday night I let him know I was interested in getting coffee and meeting and he responded 'just a warning, I'm an introvert with mild social anxiety". Monday night I asked him how it impacted his life. He said it doesn't really, he just doesn't like huge crowds, etc.. OK, that's fine. I'm not a fan of crowds myself. The conversation keeps flowing but nothing about meeting up. Last night I asked if he was interested in meeting in person anytime soon, let him know I enjoy the chat but I'm not on a dating app for text friends. *crickets*. Yep, nope. This isn't going to work for me.

Nothing from Guy 1. Not even an attempt to reinitiate conversation. I even reached out yesterday and he has until the end of tomorrow to respond or I'll unmatch. No, I didn't give him an ultimatum - it's the mental deadline in my head. You're either hiding something or in such poor health, mentally that it's going to be an unhealthy relationship. If you're so introverted that you can't bring yourself to meet someone in person you need to get off the online dating. 

People think they are forming "real relationships" with nothing but texts. No, all you are doing is having a penpal-esque conversation (in real-time) with someone, who for all you know has a family, or is not who they say they are.

[JTMacc99]

19 minutes ago, theredhead77 said:

If you're so introverted that you can't bring yourself to meet someone in person you need to get off the online dating. 

It's not fair to the other person. The point of the online tool is to create in person dates. 

And yet, it's been around long enough now where I guess there are plenty of people who do it JUST to strike up online conversations. I hadn't thought about it until right now, but it makes total sense to me.  And again, it's not fair to be that person without making it perfectly clear that your goal isn't to jump right into dates, but rather to strike up online relationships.  As I said earlier:

On 8/21/2019 at 12:00 PM, JTMacc99 said:

Ugh. 

My "dates" of late have been of the "Me and the puppy are going to local brewery" variety.  Probably the most fun I've had out and about in a long time. I get to talk to lots of people, have a drink and sometimes some food, and then I go home and don't worry about getting ghosted by my date. He loves me unconditionally. 

[theredhead77]

I think I came across my very first scammer. Dude popped up as a match, which I thought was from geolocation, not inputted location. He claimed he was deployed to Syria but seemed to have the same functional hours as I do instead of being 7 hours ahead. After making sure is being deployed wasn't a dealbreaker he said his "plan" was to "get to know someone while deployed so they could meet when he got home in October".

Alright, well I'm not down for text buddies but if you're not physically here we can message if you're going to be in town in 6 weeks. I'm not putting my life on hold but what the hell. Nothing really pinged my radar and we were going back and forth. I kept my answers to "tell me about yourself" pretty generic and he sent a paragraph with way TMI about his childhood. I replied with "how many women have you sent that to 😉 and then asked what he did in his free time when not deployed". No response for a bit so I looked and I was unmatched.

I think the scam was to either ask personal questions that will typically be passwords or security question answers before trying to be friends on social media and/or to get a woman to think they were in a relationship via the app and get her to send money. Yea, no.

[chenoa333]

I haven't been in a relationship or dated for 14 years. I've done the online dating sites and I'm not comfortable meeting someone that way. I'm pretty certain I'm never going to find a compatible mate before I die. I guess it's just being willing to accept that. I don't see it as a bad thing but it's not what I want. Maybe "the powers that be" know more about what's best for me. 

Meeting someone these days is so difficult when we all know there are sexual predators, money scamming predators, and just your every day garden variety of bat$hit crazy people. It's a full time job trying to meet someone you really feel comfortable with.

[aradia22]

Date cancelled for tonight 2 hours before we were supposed to meet up. Family emergency. 

Debating whether to try and find a last minute date or just go myself. Leaning towards the latter.

[chenoa333]

3 hours ago, aradia22 said:

Date cancelled for tonight 2 hours before we were supposed to meet up. Family emergency. 

Debating whether to try and find a last minute date or just go myself. Leaning towards the latter.

I hope you decided to go by yourself. Attending any event by yourself doesn't make you look like a loser, it makes you look like a strong, confident person! Which is exactly what you should be. So I hope you went and had a good time!

[aradia22]

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I hope you decided to go by yourself. Attending any event by yourself doesn't make you look like a loser, it makes you look like a strong, confident person! Which is exactly what you should be. So I hope you went and had a good time!

Oh, I know. I go to plenty of things by myself. I just thought it'd be nice to have company. Anyway, I had a blast. It was a delightful night out I'll post about it in the Theater Talk thread here at some point if you're interested. 🙂

[MargoChanning]

On 8/30/2019 at 5:34 PM, chenoa333 said:

I haven't been in a relationship or dated for 14 years. I've done the online dating sites and I'm not comfortable meeting someone that way. I'm pretty certain I'm never going to find a compatible mate before I die. I guess it's just being willing to accept that. I don't see it as a bad thing but it's not what I want. Maybe "the powers that be" know more about what's best for me. 

Meeting someone these days is so difficult when we all know there are sexual predators, money scamming predators, and just your every day garden variety of bat$hit crazy people. It's a full time job trying to meet someone you really feel comfortable with.

This could have been written by me.  It is exactly my status and feelings about it, right down to the 14 years.  

[chenoa333]

23 minutes ago, MargoChanning said:

This could have been written by me.  It is exactly my status and feelings about it, right down to the 14 years.  

I knew I wasn't the only one. It's too bad this is the way things are but I guess I'd rather play it safe than put myself out there, and be sorry. 

[aradia22]

I have a date Monday at 9pm. Weird time but I randomly wanted to go to a thing and I didn't want to pay the 2-drink minimum so I bought the tickets and found a date. Hopefully this one works out and I don't get another last minute cancellation. We've barely chatted but hopefully it goes okay. As long as I don't get murdered, I'm good. Lowered expectations. His messages fall into what others here have described as generic fishing but at least his grammar and spelling is good and he doesn't seem completely insane. 

Not really red flags on his profile but he trends nerdy and there are some comments I'm side-eyeing. But nothing major. Just stuff that someone else might swipe past. 

[aradia22]

I am old and less desirable so I feel like I have fewer weird first messages to share but I occasionally I still get more than a generic hi.

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Let me be your mirror :)

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN???

[JTMacc99]

2 hours ago, aradia22 said:

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN???

Hahahaha!

[ratgirlagogo]

I think it might be a reference to a beautiful if somewhat disturbing song by the Velvet Underground:

I have loved this song myself since I was twelve.  If the reference is to this song I don't think it is creepy necessarily.

Edited September 23, 2019 by ratgirlagogo

[ratgirlagogo]

20 hours ago, aradia22 said:

I am old and less desirable

OH FOR CHRIST'S SAKE.  If you have been honest about your age over the last three sites I've been on along with you - you are not anybody's idea of old let alone undesirable.  GRRRRRRRRRRRR.

Edited September 23, 2019 by ratgirlagogo

[aradia22]

Hi all,

Back from my date. Nothing too exciting to report. We went to see a Donna Summer tribute concert. It was supposed to be an hour. My train was running late but the show didn't start until half an hour after it was scheduled to start so it was fine. The show was a fun time. I didn't really think about how it would work as a date. It stuck to the hits and the disco era so it was sexy and fun and campy with some breaks for those "ballad/love songs" though it's disco so even those had dance breaks. We managed to chat a little beforehand and more after and on the way to the subway. Even though we only chatted a bit, I could tell we weren't a match. He's not unattractive, but I'm not particularly attracted to him. He's unambitious and we don't really have common interests. Also he makes very little eye contact when he talks to you. He's another one of these agreeable dudes. I don't see it going anywhere. 

Hug hello. Hug goodbye with a kiss on the cheek. I miss kissing someone who knows what they're doing. Sigh...

[RealHousewife]

People always say to not be all about looks or money, and while I agree you shouldn’t be superficial, I’ve had better luck personality-wise with men who are successful and attractive. 

I know they can be players, but my experience with them is that they are more pleasant and sweet. The guys I’ve dated who aren’t hot commodities seem insecure, put me down more, and it’s almost like they’re jealous of me. 

[JTMacc99]

I have been dark on the one site I use, but I sometimes browse anyway. Saw someone interesting, came out of hiding to say hello. No response, naturally, but I got a random like elsewhere.

Blank profile photo, but I went ahead and looked anyway. Second photo was her dog. Third photo in was her. Cute! So I read what she wrote, and she was interesting.  PhD. I correctly guessed she was a therapist. (Brain doctors of all types like my profile all the time, I’m trying to stay positive about that common theme.)

I send my standard type of hello to someone who liked me first. 36 hours later I get a “Thank you for reaching out. I met someone here and don’t want to date around. Good luck!”

Heh. Par for the course. 

[Lantern7]

Nothing really going on. Chatting with one woman, but I don't know if she's feeling it. I'm not getting excited, either.

[rafk]

Interesting thread!

Here's my story:

I'm 49 years old. Since '99, I've been online.  I've also done the online dating thing on and off. I had several dates, some short term relationships that for various reasons didn't proceed further, and a few serious relationships.  My longest was 5 years.  The shortest LTR was 1 year. Back in the day, I did the bar scene but after I found my way online, I preferred that over anything else.

Currently, I am wanting to get back in the online scene but I'm facing some issues. Mostly due to low self esteem. I had a weight problem that was helped with weight loss surgery. However, while I have lost over 120 lbs, it has caused some loose skin and lymphedema in my legs.  I'm apprehensive about what someone would think of my appearance face to face.  From what I've learned from lurking about various sites, people seem to be more shallow than they used to be.  Maybe I am looking at the wrong sites for my age range? Or just being very self conscious?

[JTMacc99]

10 hours ago, rafk said:

From what I've learned from lurking about various sites, people seem to be more shallow than they used to be.  Maybe I am looking at the wrong sites for my age range? Or just being very self conscious?

People are not more shallow, but they are probably more jaded. I’m not sure if that’s the right word for what I think is the result of using dating sites like we use Amazon. We look at people like we look at Bluetooth headphones while we’re online. 
 

What sites?

And sure you’re being very self conscious, but that’s completely normal. 

[chenoa333]

On 9/24/2019 at 12:46 PM, RealHousewife said:

People always say to not be all about looks or money

People who are looking for a Significant Other, should be "all about" whatever they're about.

And there are varying opinions of "looks and money". We all are attracted to what we are attracted to. For example..ME. I don't need a millionaire or a strikingly handsome man. But I DO need a man who owns a nice car, has a decent income, and isn't living off the government or living in his mom's basement.  

The older one gets, the odds are not as good and the goods are pretty odd.

[RealHousewife]

1 hour ago, chenoa333 said:

People who are looking for a Significant Other, should be "all about" whatever they're about.

And there are varying opinions of "looks and money". We all are attracted to what we are attracted to. For example..ME. I don't need a millionaire or a strikingly handsome man. But I DO need a man who owns a nice car, has a decent income, and isn't living off the government or living in his mom's basement.  

The older one gets, the odds are not as good and the goods are pretty odd.

I'm the exact same way. I don't need a model or millionaire. But I do need to think he's cute, decent shape, and someone who makes a decent living. 

It's true the catches tend to be snatched up quickly, but there are some attractive men with good jobs who end up divorced. The problem is they're oftentimes supporting the families they created before you. My comfort is most people struggle at some point. The person who marries in their 20's and is happy with their spouse their entire life is kind of the exception. 

[theredhead77]

9 hours ago, RealHousewife said:

It's true the catches tend to be snatched up quickly, but there are some attractive men with good jobs who end up divorced. The problem is they're oftentimes supporting the families they created before you.

I think it's a problem if the man or woman isn't supporting the children they created.

[RealHousewife]

1 hour ago, theredhead77 said:

I think it's a problem if the man or woman isn't supporting the children they created.

I meant problem as far as not being compatible with me, a person who doesn't have her own kids but hasn't ruled out having them. Most men who've already had kids probably can't support a brand new family with another woman. I would never date a deadbeat dad. 

[aradia22]

Quote

People who are looking for a Significant Other, should be "all about" whatever they're about.

This. Yes, looking for a partner is not going through a checklist like you're making sure you're getting everything you need from the store. And yes, relationships involve compromise and hard work. But you've got to have a foundation to build off of. 

The older I get the more I recognize things about myself. I don't need to be with someone who is a community organizer or constantly attending protests but I do need someone with similar political views. I don't need someone who loves theater and all the things I'm into (though wouldn't that be a miracle) but I need someone who wants to go to things with me. I need someone who is easy to talk to. I've been on enough dates to realize when I'm not comfortable. There's no one personality type but at this point I can tell when I'm comfortable and when I'm pretending or lying to myself. 

I haven't been dating recently because I've been busy with work and dealing with my own body stuff. There's a bit of toxic thinking to be sure but I also just don't blame anyone for deciding I don't meet their standards or I'm not what they're looking for. Standards are good. It's not about being shallow. That's different. But I do think you should be with someone you're attracted to and compatible with and who makes your time together easier and more enjoyable, not more difficult and unpleasant.  

And yeah, I still think there's a lot of misogyny in telling (mostly) women that they're too picky and they should compromise their standards. I'm not that interested in dating around. For me, commitment, if it comes to that, is for forever. I think if that kind of longterm monogamy is what you're after, you should be able to look for whatever specifics you want. And while I'll dive back into dating at some point, longterm, I would rather be single than unhappy with someone else. There are too many ways to be unhappy with another person. 

[RealHousewife]

57 minutes ago, aradia22 said:

And yeah, I still think there's a lot of misogyny in telling (mostly) women that they're too picky and they should compromise their standards. 

Love your post but had to elaborate on this in particular. I hear men talk all the time about women being fat, not pretty enough, too old, all sorts of critiques. A lot of the comments are from older, unattractive, out of shape men. They'll rip their own wives apart, talk about their stretch marks, how their breasts aren't the same after having kids. It's disgusting. None of the single guys I know are ever told to lower their standards, no matter what they look like, how old they are, and how out of their league the women they chase are. 

Lord knows I have many insecurities, but without sounding too cocky, I am a decent looking female and get a lot of attention from men. These same guys who pick apart women have asked me if I'm superficial when I said there's a man I didn't date because I wasn't attracted to him. They've said "I didn't think you were like that" in response to me saying I found a guy hot. Umm, are women not allowed to want to be attracted to their romantic partners? I try to be as gentle in my delivery as possible and don't bash nice men. I don't call them ugly, dissect their body parts or anything of the sort. I don't expect guys I date to look like Zac Efron or have washboard abs. But how many of us really want to get intimate with someone we're not sexually attracted to? I also don't get carried away talking about men I do find sexy. I don't get into the female version of the guy's "locker room talk." If men find you attractive, it's like they want the idea they can be with you. They hate that they may not meet your standards of physical attractiveness, financial stability, or whatnot. All of us, men and women, want to be excited about the people who we date and have long-term relationships with. 

Edited October 27, 2019 by RealHousewife

[JTMacc99]

14 hours ago, aradia22 said:

And yeah, I still think there's a lot of misogyny in telling (mostly) women that they're too picky and they should compromise their standards.

There is a shit-ton of cultural history to overcome that shows us both men and women telling only women that they need to be less picky, get married and start a family. 

It is a very old idea. People hold onto old ideas sometimes without even realizing they are bad ideas. 
 

And I really don’t hear it much from the men I associate with, but I chose my friends well. If anything they’ve been very supportive of my journey and desire to not jerk around anyone who I know doesn’t fit what I know I want.

Which by the way has been narrowed down to “super cute nerd”. Very elusive when I tack on “age appropriate, single, attracted to me, and not entirely bat shit crazy. Heh. I’m gonna die alone, and that’s okay. 

[aradia22]

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They'll rip their own wives apart, talk about their stretch marks, how their breasts aren't the same after having kids. It's disgusting.

I have had zero kids and my body is already a mess. I need someone who can hang. I think maybe that's part of the reason I don't put too much stock in anyone who is interested in my appearance. Compliments are nice, of course, but things change.

Quote

Which by the way has been narrowed down to “super cute nerd”. Very elusive when I tack on “age appropriate, single, attracted to me, and not entirely bat shit crazy. Heh. I’m gonna die alone, and that’s okay. 

I agree, finding a super cute nerd who isn't in her 20's or 30's and is still single is a bit of an ask. But I still think it can be done. Maybe she won't be super cute and into cosplay... but attractive and more mature with plenty of nerdy pursuits (both book smarts and comic books). Based on the age of certain properties (Star Wars, D&D, etc.) I have faith that the right woman is out there for you, @JTMacc99. I also wouldn't rule out bookish types who can hang with the nerd stuff. I'm your typical library-frequenting, crafty, musical-theater obsessed, British historical drama-watching type. The only reason I don't have a cat is because my parents have always preferred dogs. But even if I'm not super into it, I can still talk about Marvel, D&D, Game of Thrones, etc. if I need to. But yeah, if you're looking for your Arwen/Felicia Day hybrid who is deep into lore, I fear most of the cute ones have snapped up already. Though I question whether guys actually really want a partner who is as invested or more invested in their interests as they are. 

[JTMacc99]

I actually don’t care what kind of nerd @aradia22, and whether she lines up with the things I geek out about. She could say things like “I like puzzles”, “That was bullshit that they didn’t follow canon in Captain America Civil War”, or “I’ve been really into Ukrainian poetry recently” and it’s all the same signal to me. 
 

If anything, I’d prefer it to be about something I don’t know about. So I can feed off of her enthusiasm as I get to learn about something new. 
 

And that’s actually my point here. There is joy to be had when you can see someone else’s enthusiasm and want to join in. For me, in all of my long lasting friendships, it’s the intellectual bonds that can be accurately described as a little nerdy. 
 

And “super cute” is just my way of saying that for whatever reason, I’m physically attracted to her. 

[aradia22]

Ah, @JTMacc99 thanks for clarifying. I'm used to guys in my age-range actually saying they want someone to play video games all day, who knows all the Marvel movies, etc. And they'll also specifically say they're looking for a Felicia Day, Zooey Deschanel, Kristen Bell, (insert another white, thin, quirky but conventionally pretty woman here), etc. It takes maturity to realize that your person will probably not share all of your interests and opinions.

[JTMacc99]

3 hours ago, aradia22 said:

It takes maturity to realize that your person will probably not share all of your interests and opinions.

I guess with age comes wisdom? Because I think it’s far more exciting at this point to find someone who shares my general viewpoints and has different interests. 
 

Also me: [Who the heck is Felicia Day?] ... internet search ... “Oh. Well yeah, that’ll work.”

So not THAT mature. Heh. 

[RealHousewife]

On 10/28/2019 at 5:13 PM, aradia22 said:

I have had zero kids and my body is already a mess. I need someone who can hang. I think maybe that's part of the reason I don't put too much stock in anyone who is interested in my appearance. Compliments are nice, of course, but things change.

I agree, finding a super cute nerd who isn't in her 20's or 30's and is still single is a bit of an ask. But I still think it can be done. Maybe she won't be super cute and into cosplay... but attractive and more mature with plenty of nerdy pursuits (both book smarts and comic books). Based on the age of certain properties (Star Wars, D&D, etc.) I have faith that the right woman is out there for you, @JTMacc99. I also wouldn't rule out bookish types who can hang with the nerd stuff. I'm your typical library-frequenting, crafty, musical-theater obsessed, British historical drama-watching type. The only reason I don't have a cat is because my parents have always preferred dogs. But even if I'm not super into it, I can still talk about Marvel, D&D, Game of Thrones, etc. if I need to. But yeah, if you're looking for your Arwen/Felicia Day hybrid who is deep into lore, I fear most of the cute ones have snapped up already. Though I question whether guys actually really want a partner who is as invested or more invested in their interests as they are. 

I’m kind of the same in that I haven’t had kids but have body insecurity. I’m totally like you in that compliments about my appearance don’t always feel good. If someone likes me because I’m pretty and thin, I feel pressure. All I can think about are my under-eye circles, over plucked brows that won’t grow back, acne scarring, the cellulite on my legs, and mysterious scar tissue on my body. I don’t like the way I look without my makeup and nude. I look like I have a great figure with my clothes on! I almost wish I were an older plus size woman who wasn’t considered hot. I feel like guys will be disappointed when they see all my flaws. They’ve never said anything to me, but I know what’s going on in their minds. I’ve heard enough women’s looks picked apart that I know if they’re gentlemanly enough to not make mean comments to me, they’re thinking them and/or making them behind my back. 

[aradia22]

I don't feel like I'm in a good place to date. Too many body issues right now. It hasn't been an issue really because I've spent most of November with a cold so it hasn't really been an option. Still, first messages...

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Hi pretty girl. U are the type of women I like I'm (flag emoji I can't identify) tall man I own my business here where I live in Elizabeth nj. Divorced. Already. Ready for you baby 😘😘😘

And another...

Quote

I normally go for 8s but with you, I'll settle for a 10. How are you?

I thought the second one was cute. I don't mind a cheesy pick up line once in a while if it's just silly and sweet and not creepy or sleazy.

[RealHousewife]

7 hours ago, aradia22 said:

I don't feel like I'm in a good place to date. Too many body issues right now. It hasn't been an issue really because I've spent most of November with a cold so it hasn't really been an option. Still, first messages...

And another...

I thought the second one was cute. I don't mind a cheesy pick up line once in a while if it's just silly and sweet and not creepy or sleazy.

How do you politely turn men down when you have body issues? This is something I really struggle with. 

Lol exactly! 

[JTMacc99]

So I saw that we started up a topic for the Bravo reboot of Blind Date, which just started airing a couple days ago. I watched about 4 minutes of episode one, and it's all of the awkward, stupid, goofy, terrible that one could hope it could be. 

[chenoa333]

On 11/22/2019 at 8:08 AM, JTMacc99 said:

So I saw that we started up a topic for the Bravo reboot of Blind Date, which just started airing a couple days ago. I watched about 4 minutes of episode one, and it's all of the awkward, stupid, goofy, terrible that one could hope it could be. 

It's worse.

[Lantern7]

*sigh*

I meet someone on OKC. We vibe. She says something, and I respond. Then I realize that I might have used the wrong word, so I correct it. Then I point out the correction. About eight minutes ago, while I was getting dressed, she said something along the lines of “it’s not my problem if you don’t believe me.” And then I believe she “unconnected” us, suggesting that I fucked up. Which I did. Yet again. Without even trying.

So how are you doing?

[JTMacc99]

2 hours ago, Lantern7 said:

So how are you doing?

I gave up on the online stuff. Honestly? It's kind of refreshing to not constantly be hunting. 

Also, this picture kind of explains where I'm at right now. After dating quite a bit for a couple years, I've got my unicorn population narrowed down to exactly what I know is worth my time. I know what things I find attractive. I know what things make a person "dateable' (Single, no more than mildly crazy, correct stage of life, and so on.) And I know what kind of people I want to be around, what makes my friends, my friends.

Turns out that my unicorns are cute nerds. With any luck, someday I'll run across one who for some reason thinks I fit all three of her circles on this chart. Until then? I'm good.

[Lantern7]

Met a girl. Swapped lines. Didn't hear from her after a few days. Wrote back. Didn't hear from her. Decided to write again, with the intent of telling her that I really really REALLY don't want to be considered obsessive (in as few words as possible) . . . and her profile is down. Of course it is.*

*Once again: when shit like that happens, I usually hate myself and/or my luck. I don't get a mad-on for an entire gender.

Edited January 11, 2020 by Lantern7

[Bastet]

6 minutes ago, Lantern7 said:

Met a girl. Swapped lines. Didn't hear from her after a few days. Wrote back. Didn't hear from her. Decided to write again, with the intent of telling her that I really really REALLY don't want to be considered obsessive (in as few words as possible) . . . and her profile is down. Of course it is.

Okay, no.  When you don't hear back from someone after several days, reach out again, and still don't don't hear back, you don't, instead of leaving her be, pursue her further with a "No, really, really, REALLY, I'm not a psycho who doesn't get it so please don't take me that way" message that will have her reaching for the DSM. 

In the interim, she had taken down her profile, for whatever reason(s) prompted her to do so.  So, once again, as is common, it was not meant to be.  Good to know now, and you can move on.

[emma675]

7 hours ago, Lantern7 said:

Met a girl. Swapped lines. Didn't hear from her after a few days. Wrote back. Didn't hear from her. Decided to write again, with the intent of telling her that I really really REALLY don't want to be considered obsessive (in as few words as possible) . . . 

As a woman who has been on dating sites, this would honestly creep me out and I would block you. Stuff comes up, life gets busy, things happen and a person doesn't always have time to respond in a timely manner. It's not a big deal. 

[Lantern7]

@emma675 & @Bastet . .  you're both right. My only excuse is that I tend to get uneasy when I don't hear from someone after a while, mostly because I'm not usually in situations where I'm talking to a woman beyond platonic. And yes, I will try to curb such behavior.

Weirdest damn thing . . . someone responded to my message to her. Do you know when I wrote it? March 2017. Or at least that's what it said in the message box on OKC.

[theredhead77]

On 1/11/2020 at 1:40 AM, Lantern7 said:

Met a girl. Swapped lines. Didn't hear from her after a few days. Wrote back. Didn't hear from her. Decided to write again, with the intent of telling her that I really really REALLY don't want to be considered obsessive (in as few words as possible) . . . and her profile is down. Of course it is.*

*Once again: when shit like that happens, I usually hate myself and/or my luck. I don't get a mad-on for an entire gender.

No, full stop. That's creepy and obsessive. If you can't resisit the constant reaching out to women who don't respond, instead of realizing they aren't interested in communication (or busy with other things), I strongly encourage you to delete the apps and take a break.

 

 

18 hours ago, Lantern7 said:

My only excuse is that I tend to get uneasy when I don't hear from someone after a while, mostly because I'm not usually in situations where I'm talking to a woman beyond platonic.

No excuses. If you don't hear from someone after a while they are either busy or not interested in communicating. You need to assume all interactions are platonic until shown otherwise.

Quote

And yes, I will try to curb such behavior.

 

Edited January 12, 2020 by theredhead77