Online Dating: Swiping Right Or Left?

[aradia22]

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Can u speak English?

Latest okc first message. FUCK OFF.

[JTMacc99]

I was chatting to someone who is on OKC; she shared some of her messages from the day, "your pretty", "I spent all day working on my motorcycle" and then details of the engine repair, and "nice legs".

[JTMacc99]

Spent some time last night with a person of interest. We seem to share a lot of core traits. On the other hand, she's a dance instructor, a career performer, ant artist. I'm a recovering accountant who still plays with spreadsheets and numbers all day. 

It's nice to just make these connections, see what's out there, know that there are in fact interesting people who are willing to take a chance with me  

[Lantern7]

Remember the lady I was supposed to meet on Memorial Day, but she couldn't get out? Well, she called it quits. Once again, I'm "dumped" without even meeting the lady. And my prospects are down to one. She's closer, but I'm thinking it might not work out. Then again, that's how I always feel in those situations. I've been messaging and liking on OKC, but nobody has "bit" yet.

[StatisticalOutlier]

On 6/18/2017 at 7:11 AM, JTMacc99 said:

she's a dance instructor, a career performer, ant artist.

Does she draw pictures of ants, or does she use them as her medium?

 

2 hours ago, Lantern7 said:

Once again, I'm "dumped" without even meeting the lady.

I'm not sure that's worse than being dumped after actually meeting, though.

[JTMacc99]

4 minutes ago, StatisticalOutlier said:

Does she draw pictures of ants, or does she use them as her medium?

 

I'm not sure that's worse than being dumped after actually meeting, though.

Hee!  Good typo. 

I could follow up with her about that, but my last communication to her has gone unanswered. 

So you're not alone @Lantern7  At this point I'm rapid fire running through connections. It's good practice. It's also like the big wheel, wondering where it will stop 

[aradia22]

I haven't texted Mr. White T-Shirt or sent him a message on okc. Also silence from him. I don't know if we've mutually decided it's over or we're waiting for each other. I know I've been busy and not in the right emotional place to humor anyone else lately. 

I did message the high school guy. Very simple. No response. 

[theredhead77]

On 6/20/2017 at 10:35 AM, Lantern7 said:

Remember the lady I was supposed to meet on Memorial Day, but she couldn't get out? Well, she called it quits. Once again, I'm "dumped" without even meeting the lady. And my prospects are down to one. She's closer, but I'm thinking it might not work out. Then again, that's how I always feel in those situations. I've been messaging and liking on OKC, but nobody has "bit" yet.

I strongly suggest changing your attitude about online dating. If I recall, you signed up just a few months ago and it seems like you're expecting an instant relationship. It's not easy and it's not quick. Then again, I'm probably jaded but I've been on various sites for years and barely get responses, let alone dates. I am very picky and won't respond to anything that seems like a generic message.  I don't expect a novel but I do expect people to read my [not super long] profile. I even put "pro tip: mention something in my profile in your message".
 

Perhaps @aradia22 will share her tips since she seems to have multiple dates a week.

[Lantern7]

@theredhead77 . .  I wasn't expecting "instant" results. It's just that I talked to her, I thought we had a good back-and-forth, but it turns out that she figures we're too far apart. I'm frustrated because I haven't been on a date in ages, it was a while before that when I was last in a relationship, and I didn't even get to make an up-close impression on the woman.

[aradia22]

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I strongly suggest changing your attitude about online dating. If I recall, you signed up just a few months ago and it seems like you're expecting an instant relationship. It's not easy and it's not quick. Then again, I'm probably jaded but I've been on various sites for years and barely get responses, let alone dates. I am very picky and won't respond to anything that seems like a generic message.  I don't expect a novel but I do expect people to read my [not super long] profile. I even put "pro tip: mention something in my profile in your message".
 

Perhaps @ARADIA22 will share her tips since she seems to have multiple dates a week.

I agree with @theredhead77 on changing your philosophy. And not that it would say anything about my character if I went out on a date every night but I had two dates last month and so far two this month (and those last two were with the same guy). It's not all that exciting over here. 

Update: Mr. White T-Shirt messaged today. 

Maybe this is more age dependent. @JTMacc99 and some of the others might be able to weigh in on that. But for me, I've come to realize that it's a numbers game and also most people are dating multiple people. So if you want to be going on dates, you really have to commit to sending out a ton of messages and seeing who bites. I haven't really had the energy for that lately. But you also have to realize that when people cancel plans or don't pursue a relationship, it might be because they had a better offer or were farther along along in their relationship with someone else. And that really sucks. It's annoying and inconsiderate but that's kind of how things are. 

As for the back and forth, I think there's a balance. Sending very few messages is how I ended up on a date with that creepy Russian. Sending a lot of messages, I thought things would work out better with the librarian but there was no chemistry in person. You don't want to just leave it to small talk because the person on the other end might get bored, as might you. But you also don't want to overshare like Sweet Nugget. I guess just hang in there because when it's right, it'll work out. Unless you're polyamorous, you're just looking for one person. 

[ennui]

On 6/20/2017 at 10:35 AM, Lantern7 said:

And my prospects are down to one. She's closer

How many do you need?  :)  Statistically, closer is good. 

[Lantern7]

I know. But I didn't think the other woman was that far from me. I had suggested Manhattan as a middle ground/neutral turf, and she seemed okay with it at first.

[theredhead77]

4 hours ago, Lantern7 said:

I know. But I didn't think the other woman was that far from me. I had suggested Manhattan as a middle ground/neutral turf, and she seemed okay with it at first.

Are you angry that she changed her mind regarding the distance? 

[Lantern7]

@theredhead77 . . . truth? A little bit. At this point, I just mutter "typical" under my (figurative) breath because I feel that has happened a lot to me over the years. I know it wasn't personal, so I'm not calling her bad names anywhere. It just sucks for me  to try and be optimistic, only for the proverbial other shoe to drop.

[aradia22]

No interesting first messages lately. A lot of "hi"s. So I thought I'd share another amusing (in a good way) answer to those profile questions.

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You should message me if

You hate everything about me and think you can turn me into the man of your dreams.

You're a strong independent woman who doesn't need a man...but would still like one.

You are the opposite of me but can teach me something new.

[aradia22]

New first message. Relatively tame as far as these things go but still... not interested.

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Random Icebreaker.... How ticklish are you on a scale from 1-10?? :p

Cool job not filling out your profile, bro. I really feel like you're taking this seriously.

[JTMacc99]

On 6/20/2017 at 4:04 PM, JTMacc99 said:

At this point I'm rapid fire running through connections. It's good practice. It's also like the big wheel, wondering where it will stop 

So the wheel has landed on "I don't give a shit right now". I'm a little surprised, as I had been pretty into actively working this stuff. And then, just like that, I can live without it. It's probably a combination of things, including being a little out of it physically, some tedious BS at home, and the transition from school to camp for my kids giving me something actually important to think about. I'm also regrouping a bit after a four to five month run of dates and putting myself out there. I am once again reminded that people can be jerks. Including me at one point, which won't happen again. 

I will entertain any new connections for sure, but I think I'll just see what life puts in front of me as opposed to going out and looking for it. (We'll see how long this lasts...)

[MrSmith]

On 6/21/2017 at 2:12 PM, theredhead77 said:

I strongly suggest changing your attitude about online dating. If I recall, you signed up just a few months ago and it seems like you're expecting an instant relationship. It's not easy and it's not quick. Then again, I'm probably jaded but I've been on various sites for years and barely get responses, let alone dates. I am very picky and won't respond to anything that seems like a generic message.  I don't expect a novel but I do expect people to read my [not super long] profile. I even put "pro tip: mention something in my profile in your message".
 

Perhaps @aradia22 will share her tips since she seems to have multiple dates a week.

OK, ok. I know I don't date since I'm married, but I do enjoy reading about everyone's experiences here. Is it really common for people to not say anything about another person's profile in their initial message? That just seems so strange to me. What am I going to say to you in my message if I don't read your profile and talk about something there? Also, what could I put in my message that would even incite you to reply if I don't start with something from your profile? I mean, presumably I find something in your profile that we have in common or something we don't have in common that piques my interest. I wouldn't think looks alone could do it, especially since that's such a craps-shoot; I might think you're smoking hot and you might give me just a 5 and 1/2 (or a 7, yet you want an 8 or 9). If I talk about what's in your profile, then that might mitigate whatever your opinion of my looks is enough to give me a shot.

Anyway, the point is: Really? It's usual for people to say nothing about your profile when messaging you for the first time?

[theredhead77]

@MrSmith yep. It's called fishing. They send generic "hi, how are you" or something completely innocuous they can basically copy/paste into messages and see who bites.

[MrSmith]

@theredhead77 Thanks for the explanation. I can't see how that would be at all effective. I would probably write a mail filter that would automatically file those types of emails into the trash. I would expect anyone I'm messaging to want to know why I decided to message them and what I think we have in common or could have some fun doing together. Saying "hi, how are you" I would think would just result in an automatic deletion. I certainly wouldn't waste my time on them, even if I couldn't write an effective mail filter for it. Maybe I'm just old. LOL

[aradia22]

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@THEREDHEAD77 Thanks for the explanation. I can't see how that would be at all effective. I would probably write a mail filter that would automatically file those types of emails into the trash. I would expect anyone I'm messaging to want to know why I decided to message them and what I think we have in common or could have some fun doing together. Saying "hi, how are you" I would think would just result in an automatic deletion. I certainly wouldn't waste my time on them, even if I couldn't write an effective mail filter for it. Maybe I'm just old. LOL

I'm not going to lie and say there isn't some loneliness and desperation involved but sometimes I bite and give it a chance. If I'm attracted to his photos and there's something to his profile I might engage. Of course, that puts all the pressure on me to do the work... which is something I've learned guys like to do more often than not. It can sometimes be awkward especially if someone hasn't written a ton in their profile or a ton that you connect with on a real level to force something from their profile into that first message. So if a "hi, how are you" is followed by a good conversation, I'll let it go. If it stays in the realm of small talk, I usually drop it. If it's a "hi, how are you" "how was your day" etc. etc. conversation that makes me do all the work of being entertaining then, nope.

[aradia22]

So I've continued talking to Mr. White T-Shirt. It's bad again. I'm hardly radical in my political or social beliefs, especially living in NY. We have fairly polite conversations but he betrays a reluctance to admit to the most basic of critiques... like maybe this book is problematic. And then the way he wants to argue things sets me off (I mean, I'm not retaliating in anger but it grates on my nerves) because it's the same kind of rhetoric used by trolls. That kind of pedantic abstraction and willful misunderstanding. And then when I assert myself and basically (very gently) make it clear I'm not here for that he pretends to be all contrite like he didn't mean to offend. And I'm not offended. I just don't think we're compatible and I don't like being condescended to and I don't want to have a debate about it because prior experience has convinced me that even though he pretends to be all easy going he has a very strong stubborn streak. So... I don't know where to go with this right now. I knew between dates 1 and 2 from our online conversation that there was an issue. 

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Me: That's a false equivalence and I really don't have the energy to get into it. [...]

Him: Fair enough. [...] I don't mean to offend I just find these types of talks much more meaningful than the average small talks, even though they may be a bit more uncomfortable. 
Me: I don't get offended easily and I don't mind discomfort but I sense that we may have key ideological differences that may be insurmountable. And, as a separate point, I find your rhetorical style too emotionally draining to engage with at times.

Him: That's unfortunate. I dont really mind disagreeing on things, but it's nice to just find out where we stand. I consider myself a liberal left leaning fellow but I feel that you may be significantly more. Which is again, fine by me. 

That's the first time I've heard that and it doesn't feel like a compliment...

I don't want to paper over it because it's just going to come back again and I don't think it can be resolved (because he's not the worst but he is kind of a dick). Should I just call it quits now? I've said it before. I have no desire to try to "fix" anyone.

[MrSmith]

@aradia22

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Him: That's unfortunate. I dont really mind disagreeing on things, but it's nice to just find out where we stand. I consider myself a liberal left leaning fellow but I feel that you may be significantly more. Which is again, fine by me

To my mind, the bold-italic part is a sign of real trouble for you in the future. He sounds like he's got really strong opinions on this, and doesn't want to chase you off with those opinions. At the same time, it seems to me like you'll be "wrong" when you disagree with his positions in the future. It's hard for me to put into words and kind of hard to put my finger on. So what I've said so far almost certainly isn't quite accurate and doesn't go quite far enough. I've socialized with people who I found to drain my energy. It's usually not a good thing. Also, you won't be able to change this guy, which works out since you're not in this to change or "fix" anyone. If you're not really feeling it with him, I'd say to pull the plug. I know that if I had to date, I'd probably give it 2 to 5 dates and either I find the person interesting and attractive enough to continue or I don't.

On another note, I really hate when people say "I don't mean to offend". I feel like it's a passive-aggressive way to get me to excuse their behaviour. Maybe that's why this guy tweaks my "spider sense". I don't know for sure. Seriously, though, if you don't mean to offend, then you'd find a better way to state your position. Similarly, if you're actually sorry for how I took something you said, you'd actually say you're sorry directly and not go about it in such an obtuse, indirect manner. /rant off

Anyway, there's my two cents, which might be worth only a half-penny. The relative value is entirely up to you and I won't be offended if you decide I owe you change.

[theredhead77]

12 hours ago, aradia22 said:

I don't want to paper over it because it's just going to come back again and I don't think it can be resolved (because he's not the worst but he is kind of a dick). Should I just call it quits now? I've said it before. I have no desire to try to "fix" anyone.

Severe ideological differences can be a deal breaker. I was dating someone pre-election. He was a wonderful, sweet, thoughtful funny man. We had a great time together as long as we didn't talk politics. In the end our ideological differences came between us and we parted ways because of them. There was no trolling, or gas-lighting behavior from him, just two people who were never going to meet in the middle and what were little disagreements now would explode down the road.

There is a history of disregarding all advice offered to you from the posters here. What do you think you should do?

[aradia22]

@MrSmith Thanks! I think you're picking up on the same thing I'm picking up on. I feel like my last response could already be taken as final. If he writes again I'll be more clear about it. 

A truly special new first message.

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Sex

Not even a question mark. 

[MrSmith]

@aradia22 LOL at that first message! You should come up with creative ways to troll that person.  Maybe respond with "Yes, I have some. Why do you ask?" and if they get into asking if you want to have some with them, then you can start asking for details (and then telling them they're not big enough or are too big, depending on the answers they give). Of course, that depends on whether you'd have fun trolling them and have the time and energy you're willing to devote to such a venture. It could be fun, but don't do it if you wouldn't have fun.

[DeLurker]

I'd respond:  Female

[aradia22]

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A note on Asexuality: I originally had a long rambling mini-essay about this, took it off because I felt it was detering potential matches by coming in too hot about it, but my message recieval rate hasn't change so let me bring back a short version: I am very, very, very asexual. I have never and will never have sex. I will never and have never kissed with tongue. It's always has been this way for me and I suspect it will always be.

From someone's self summary. I'm sorry. But what are you doing on a dating site???

[Jaded]

Some people out there might be looking for someone else like that? Just because someone might be asexual doesn't mean they necessarily want to spend their lives alone.

[Bastet]

6 minutes ago, aradia22 said:

From someone's self summary. I'm sorry. But what are you doing on a dating site???

I'm surprised to see that asked; it's not exactly unheard of for asexual people to date.  (If you mean he'd be more likely to find a match on one of the dating sites that cater to asexual people, sure.)

[aradia22]

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I'm surprised to see that asked; it's not exactly unheard of for asexual people to date.  (If you mean he'd be more likely to find a match on one of the dating sites that cater to asexual people, sure.)

Sorry, I probably should have said "this" dating site. okc is not as bad as Tinder but even if you're not looking to hook up, I doubt there are a lot of people interested in an asexual partner unless they themselves are asexual... but maybe that's also jumping to conclusions. Fair point, I've been sorting through a lot of kink profiles lately and you already know one of my bare minimum requirements is someone I can stand kissing on the mouth so maybe I'm not as sensitive to asexuality as I should be. Then again, he admits that it's deterred potential matches but I think it's deterred them for a reason. If you have some particular issue, same with the kink profiles, why not just go find people with similar proclivities or interests instead of trying to convince a general pool of people to want the thing you want?

[aradia22]

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(Name redacted) 26. People person. Graduate/occupational therapy student. Basketball player. Swimmer. Iron Pumper. City slicker who fell in love with the country side. Extremely sarcastic and brash, so if I say some things that are weird it's mostly just for your attention. BTW I'm 5'9 since we are talking about height here if you're over 140 lbs don't even bother talking to me (obviously kidding, you feminist fuck).

No black chicks or Asian chicks, sorry. Would rather date white women or at the very least Hispanic.

Self summary. Who is this supposed to appeal to? People who enjoy that confusing gray area between painfully unfunny and insulting? Don't try to play it off as a joke. If you're hateful at least own it if you really don't care what people think. 

[Jaded]

That guy sounds like a racist and sexist asshole with a rage problem. IMHO.

[DeLurker]

But  at least he's honest.  A closet racist, sexist asshole can put up a decent front and be given serious attention until he relaxes enough to show his true turdiness.

He probably be on OKKKstupid.

Edited July 2, 2017 by DeLurker

[JTMacc99]

I set my OKCupid to only show me people who have visited in the last seven days, which means there is a whole population I've never seen before. Every once in a while a new face shows up, which happened this morning with somebody who per OKC is 95% compatible with me. Which means nothing, but I appreciate the vote of confidence computer algorithm.

Having said all that, and reading her very long write up, I considered it a personal challenge when under the "You should message me if..." section she writes:  Before you hit send please note, I am in hot pursuit, scratch that, on a Sunday stroll for a charmer with burning eyes and a playful mouth who is fun, witty, emotional developed and mentally stimulating. I want to learn things from conversing with you. I don't care what they are. I'm a sucker for good interactive banter with a flirty twist. Don't be afraid to dish it back to me. I can take it.

So I went with my A-game, "Your pretty! Cute dog, whats its name?"  

Yep, feeling confident.

[Lantern7]

I've gotten one date from OKC so far. It went well, and we're still talking. I am still messaging women that I feel like I have lots in common with, but nobody else answers, and that's a bit discouraging. Meanwhile, Match sends me a "SHE CHOSE YOU!" e-mail at least once a week, but I am not going back there.

[aradia22]

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My self-summary

Ladies, if you're interested in a man who can make pasta from scratch and is an excellent parallel parker, look no further.

This is how you do a Tinder style short profile.

Nothing very promising lately. But I'm not regretting cutting Mr. White T-Shirt loose. It doesn't benefit either of us to hang on to something that's not going anywhere. Well, I mean sometimes I get theater tickets and he gets a companion but in the end we're wasting each other's time. I've said it many times before but I'm not interested in using someone to pay for things or because I'm bored or lonely or anything else. I'd rather be alone and waiting to match with the right person. 

Enough is happening that I wouldn't really say I'm lonely but I miss physical intimacy and I feel like with work I'm having a lot of artificial interactions now. In a way it's like dating except I'm much more accommodating and careful to not really disagree with anyone (it's basically customer service). I miss feeling like I'm at least working towards getting to know someone so I can be myself.

[aradia22]

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My self-summary

I'm educated play football for collage and just enjoying life

This is his whole profile. That and one of those lifting the shirt to show off the abs photos. I'm thinking something mean about his self-summary. I bet you can figure out what it is. 

[Lantern7]

Maybe I should do that. In my case, I would have my shirt up, and have a "picture" of an eight-pack "taped" over my stomach in the photo. And that would be upside-down. Naaaaaaaaah. Too hokey. And OKC would not allow that.

[JTMacc99]

I wonder what kind of collage you get for playing football?  And do they give you a new collage after each game, or just a nice big one at the end of the season?

[DeLurker]

7 hours ago, aradia22 said:

This is his whole profile. That and one of those lifting the shirt to show off the abs photos. I'm thinking something mean about his self-summary. I bet you can figure out what it is. 

It is a wonder why he even needs a profile. 

[JTMacc99]

1 hour ago, DeLurker said:

It is a wonder why he even needs a profile. 

Football players are good rule followers, so that's probably just satisfying the "words go here" requirement. 

[Moose135]

5 hours ago, Lantern7 said:

In my case, I would have my shirt up, and have a "picture" of an eight-pack "taped" over my stomach in the photo.

I have six-pack abs...you know how many six-packs I had to drink to get these abs?

[Lantern7]

Is six the normal? I'm going by Batman's nine-pack in the Lego movie.

[JTMacc99]

As I read through profiles on OKC, I've come to the conclusion that the section for favorite books, movies, shows, music and food is a waste of time from the male perspective.

I mean, I suppose it gives me some insight into the person and some ability to pick some common interest out as a talking point, but I don't think I'm an unusual man when I say I really don't care what your favorite books are. Never heard of 90% of what you read. Maybe I care a little bit about your favorite moves if you throw in Blade Runner somewhere in the list of The Artist and Rachel Getting Married. TV and music? Useful only if they say "I don't watch TV", because get lost. 

Food, however, we care about food.

[aradia22]

I find the okc section for favorite books, movies, shows, music and food useful from my perspective because it's a way of talking about myself without talking about myself. I like late 1800s-early 1900s literature. My taste in fiction runs towards female protagonists. I like romance (more classic film and period pieces) and comedies (like Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt) but there are also some genre choices in there. My music choices are what I genuinely like minus anyone whose catalogue could be misconstrued. If you know what the things I've chosen to name are, it gives you a pretty decent picture of me. I also add theater albums and podcasts. If you don't know what most of the things I've listed are (really? I'm not sure how well we'll get along. I'm somewhat pop culture savvy) at least you'll know I'm not here to pander to you. No Star Wars, Harry Potter, Marvel movies, Parks and Rec, Community, Rick and Morty, Archer, 30 Rock, Fight Club, Christopher Nolan, Lord of the Rings, Seth Macfarlane, cartoons, etc. I'm not here to be a "cool girl." I expect that a lot of profiles are gendered (at least from what I'm getting from the male side). But just because I haven't seen most of these things, it doesn't mean I don't know what they are and don't understand how they reflect on your personality. And if you choose certain things, I know how basic you are. Like, oh, your favorites are the most popular things in the last 10-20 years? How original. What could that possibly tell me about you that it doesn't also tell me about the other millions of people who enjoy those things? I made sure to pick choices that were recognizable but outside the box enough that they wouldn't be on everyone else's profile. Also, having this section filled out says I took the time to fill out a profile.

I haven't filled out food because it ends up sounding like a crazy buffet and I'm not terribly picky. But it also points towards a dinner date and (for example) even though I like sushi, I don't want to go around having it with every guy on okc. 

[theredhead77]

On 7/8/2017 at 11:17 AM, Moose135 said:

I have six-pack abs...you know how many six-packs I had to drink to get these abs?

I have a beach body. I take my body to the beach.

[JTMacc99]

3 hours ago, aradia22 said:

If you know what the things I've chosen to name are, it gives you a pretty decent picture of me. I also add theater albums and podcasts. If you don't know what most of the things I've listed are (really? I'm not sure how well we'll get along. I'm somewhat pop culture savvy) at least you'll know I'm not here to pander to you.

I think in your case, things like art and theater are an important part of who you are and what is important to you. And if it is important for somebody to have common ground on the books he or she reads or the TV, Movies or Theater, then it is relevant. 

But I also truly, honestly believe that write that your favorite books are Purity by Jonathan Franzen, Super Sad True Love Story by Gary Shteyngart, Valcav and Lena by Halley Tanner, The Marriage Plot by Jefferey Eugenides and Wild by Cheryl Strayed in your profile, that the VAST majority of men are going to go "Umm, okay. Good for you."

And I clipped that section from the profile I really liked. She gives plenty of other insight into who she is without listing off a bunch of books that let me know she likes heart-wrenching stories, and I only know that because I had to Google them. I personally like mystery and crime books. Does that mean we have nothing in common? Not really, because I happen to like heart-wrenching and sometimes angry music. We both like art that triggers the same emotions in us. Excellent. That's all that really matters. But I get none of that from just a list of books.

I don't know... I'm really pretty good with reading through everything somebody writes when I'm interested, but the giant list of sometimes obscure books and musicians does nothing for me. Art is so subjective. I'm interested in what you like to feel when you consume books, TV, or music. You can convey that to me just as easily telling me you like the Foo Fighters as you can telling me you some indie band. If you like the cool indie band and also like the Foo Fighters, just say Foo Fighters.

And while I'm at it, most men don't care what you read and we also don't care very much about your eyebrows past any uni-brow situations.

[aradia22]

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I don't know... I'm really pretty good with reading through everything somebody writes when I'm interested, but the giant list of sometimes obscure books and musicians does nothing for me. Art is so subjective. I'm interested in what you like to feel when you consume books, TV, or music. You can convey that to me just as easily telling me you like the Foo Fighters as you can telling me you some indie band. If you like the cool indie band and also like the Foo Fighters, just say Foo Fighters.

And while I'm at it, most men don't care what you read and we also don't care very much about your eyebrows past any uni-brow situations.

I certainly don't advocate a giant list. No one has time for that. My tastes are not obscure. Anyone with some knowledge of books, movies, music, etc. would know at least a few if not all of the things I've listed. I have to disagree on the Foo Fighters or the Beatles or anyone like that. Unless you're a super fan, it says more if you list someone less popular and you happen to connect on that. To me, that's the difference between the 100 people you could be compatible with and the one person you're actually looking for. And a rigidity and lack of variety can be an early sign that whether or not you have something in common, that person isn't going to want to take a chance and see the movies, watch the TV shows, etc. with you that you might prefer. 

A man who doesn't care what I read is a man I don't believe when he says he wants a smart, independent woman who can carry on a conversation... or some variation thereof that ends up on many profiles. 

[ratgirlagogo]

6 hours ago, JTMacc99 said:

But I also truly, honestly believe that write that your favorite books are Purity by Jonathan Franzen, Super Sad True Love Story by Gary Shteyngart, Valcav and Lena by Halley Tanner, The Marriage Plot by Jefferey Eugenides and Wild by Cheryl Strayed in your profile, that the VAST majority of men are going to go "Umm, okay. Good for you."

And I clipped that section from the profile I really liked. She gives plenty of other insight into who she is without listing off a bunch of books that let me know she likes heart-wrenching stories, and I only know that because I had to Google them. I personally like mystery and crime books. Does that mean we have nothing in common? Not really, because I happen to like heart-wrenching and sometimes angry music. We both like art that triggers the same emotions in us. Excellent. That's all that really matters. But I get none of that from just a list of books.

I can say that this is useful for both you and the Reading Female in that you truly don't belong together.  I certainly wouldn't have any interest myself in dating a guy who thought the book list you mentioned was  Completely Beyond the Pale even though none of those  titles would end up on my own top ten list.  And aren't you looking for high-IQ chicks? And you certainly seem like a smart guy - so why in god's name are you presenting yourself (even to us)  as a knuckle-dragger?  Seriously? You're complaining about a woman who indicates that she reads books?

Just now, aradia22 said:

A man who doesn't care what I read is a man I don't believe when he says he wants a smart, independent woman who can carry on a conversation... or some variation thereof that ends up on many profiles. 

Plus a thousand.