S10.E04: Invites and Ride-Alongside

[Absolom]

We don't really know though if anyone else beside Derick asked her morning sickness.  They could have called her or texted her every day and if TLC chose not to air that as being boring we wouldn't have a clue.  I don't see her family as being so cold that none of them would ever inquire as to how she's feeling.  I could be wrong, but this is the same family that has sent daughters multiple times all the way to DC to help Josh and Anna so I'm having trouble with them not allowing someone to spend time with Jill.  

 

In watching the Bates show I don't recall anyone asking Erin about morning sickness either nor did they show anyone going to her house to help out.  It seems like something too normal perhaps to include in an episode.  

Edited March 10, 2015 by Absolom

[cmr2014]

Personally, I'm going to give Derick a pass on the "visiting Cathy in the hospital" issue. We don't know for sure that he didn't go, and the dialog was certainly scripted, so the stuttering "we can Skype" might have been a missed line. Perhaps TLC wanted them to talk about Skyping because that is what they will film -- not a trip to Omaha. 

 

Even if he didn't go, I think it's unfair to judge him on that. Derick has fallen enormously in my estimation over the past year, but he has also really been through a lot. There is no way that a little Skyping with Jill and a quick trip to Nepal would have prepared Derick for the dog and pony show that he walked into when he got off the plane. 

 

He's a young man trying to adjust to his new role as a husband and soon-to-be father under incredibly stressful circumstances: his mother is ill, his wife is incredibly needy and clingy -- and she's pregnant, he's got a new job, he's expected to appear on camera whenever he is beckoned, he has an enormous new family who are happy to drop by whenever the mood strikes them, etc. I think he's made a mis-step in thinking that his role is to "be there" 100% for his wife even if it means ignoring his mother, but I'm not in his shoes, either.

[floridamom]

cmr2014: I do see your point, but I would think that derickdillard would have known about this family before asking his mother to pass along the prayer partner info for him. I also think "where was his mother" at that early time when he was "introduced" to Jilly? She wasn't ill yet, and she should have given her son the "heads up" with this family and what a "hello" to one of Jim Bob's daughters really means...ie...I have a ring in my pocket..I also think derickdillard was mature enough to not get tangled up in a fast moving relationship with anyone at that time in his life..he had been going through many changes and was about to establish his life back here in the states...a quick marriage and parenthood was just what he DIDN'T need at that time.

Jill's hesitancy in visiting Cathy didn't have to scripted that way, if it indeed was scripted...they could have immediately said "sure, we want to visit you, Mom"..but their body language and words, at least Jill's indicated otherwise...Jill doesn't know how to have a relationship with a mother figure in the first place, because she doesn't have one with her own mother..so this girl is clueless..It will be up to Cathy to let Jill know what she expects from her ( I know, expectations ruin relationships), but communication is the key to any relationship, and show her what a real mother is..maybe Jill will catch on, maybe not, but at least Cathy will have tried. Derick, also needs to step up to the plate and let Jill know what HE expects from her regarding HIS mother...she is the only parent he has left in a small nuclear family as it is and this young man will be swallowed up by the Duggars if he lets them, but it won't be done without his cooperation...he needs to assert himself in the Duggar "octopus".

[lookeyloo]

Like Absolom said, we really don't know what was filmed and how it was edited.  If we see an hour a week for a while and they film them for many hours, it has to be edited down to what TLC thinks is the most interesting/provocative, etc.  I am surely not giving them any passes in the good behavior department.  Just that we don't see or hear every single conversation, either in front of or behind the cameras.  

[GEML]

My only point is that the kids, especially the girls, have had their whole lives, spent with Jim Bob and Michelle standing over them saying " You aren't doing ENOUGH!" So I'm hesitant to stand outside of their adult lives and do that, because I know exactly what it's like to have grown up in that kind of a childhood.

[Absolom]

I've never heard the Duggars say someone teen or older isn't doing enough.  I'm not defending them it's just that I haven't or don't recall it.  I did hear that Joy Anna would have to do more now that her older sisters were getting married, but that isn't the same thing.  Could it possibly be that was your parents' spin on fundieville?  I don't see someone like Kelly Bates telling her kids that they aren't doing enough either.  I really can't see them sending daughters to help Anna and then not helping their own sister.  

Edited March 10, 2015 by Absolom

[floridamom]

We have heard JB and Michelle go on and on on more than one occasion about how they highlight their children have servants' hearts and do for others, Jim Bob thinks up community/church/disaster projects for ALL of his children to participate in...all the while these girls work inside the house, keeping it going on all fronts, and their sons do the outside work and repairs BOTH inside and out...these kids are busy doing things they should not exclusively be doing and NO TIME or opportunity to be doing the things they should be doing , age appropriate, of course...Having said that, why should Joy Anna have to take up the slack because Jilly and Blessa married? What is wrong with Michelle stepping up to the plate and doing HER share and picking up the slack? From what I can tell, there's room on HER dance card....

[GEML]

The story of Jana and the jewelry box comes up here a lot. These kids are basically told from the time they are in diapers how they need to serve others and what they are NOT doing, and given their parents, I'm betting they were rarely praised for what they actually do. (Whereas I can see the Bates parents praising their children for doing something - that's a parent issue, not a Fundy issue.)

Think of Jim Bob's bright idea for his daughters to all go and give blood. Oh wouldn't that be a wonderful way to serve others!

They never can do enough. They could do 100 things and someone will say they should have done 101. Frankly, a little greed or selfishness or neediness is what all of these girls need in order to carve out the space to figure out who they are as people. Most of us did that in our teens, but these young women didn't have that option.

[msblossom]

Am I missing something? I still have yet to connect how any of that would preclude JB or Michelle from sending Jana or Joy to stay and care for Jill a day or two if she's suffering with morning sickness.

[GEML]

I just think if they sent one of the older girls over, that would mean more work for Jim Bob and Michelle. And I don't think they would do it at this point. The way Michelle spoke and her body language about Jill's morning sickness made me kind of sad. She all but said, "And I had morning sickness with everyone one of them!" Once again, it should have been a chance for Michelle to show empathy (I know I would) but instead she was basically, "suck it up, buttercup."

And the comparison to helping Anna, to me, is Apples to Oranges. First, because we never saw anyone help Anna in Arkansas. And second, I think they enjoy "helping" Anna because it's a trip to DC and Anna does most of her own work anyway.

[Absolom]

And yet we had Jana cooking with Jill in an episode tonight.  I do believe the parents are selfish and self-centered, but we'll have to disagree that they wouldn't help Jill so Derick could see his mom. 

[DangerousMinds]

FFS, I don't even think Jilly Muff needed help. Deal with it.

[Dr.Scully]

If it turns out that DerickDillard didn't, in fact, visit his mother while she was receiving treatment then yes, I will judge him because I think it is truly awful. And I simply do not believe they didn't have time or that Jill's morning sickness was so bad she couldn't travel. She obviously had no problem driving to and from Derick's work 3 times a day. And they have time to be filming their TV show, trying to mow down cats on sleds, etc., but they don't have a weekend to drive a few hours to visit Derick's mother while she's battling cancer?

 

Again, we don't know that they didn't go. However, their body language and reaction to her question was very telling (and gross, IMO). If they didn't go visit his mother during her treatment then I think they are just selfish jerks.

[floridamom]

I would think, as a mother myself, if my daughter was going through a brand new experience like Jill is, I would want to be the one who stays over and helps HER out..a sister is a sister, not a mother, (I know, I'm talking about the Duggar sis-moms here). but Michelle should be looking after her daughter...never too late to start. She's just a lazy, entitled little girl.

[Barb23]

I caught this episode again early this morning. TLC made it one of the episodes where they add more pop-ups, deleted scenes, etc. When Josh was making the breakfast, the pop up said he burned the toast in the oven & that Anna thinks toasters are dangerous so they don't have one. Dangerous??? They can't have a toaster but are fine with leaving guns (BB or not) around. I was really getting mad at the leg humper posts "I can name all the Duggars" & "I want to be a Duggar or marry one" were the favorites they showed. I thought the show would put me to sleep but it had the opposite effect.