S17.E04: Auditions 4

[Mr. Sparkle]

Fourth round of auditions airs Tuesday, June 21st, 8:00 PM EDT. 

[ams1001]

I would have enjoyed the dancing German magician a lot more if the judges would have shut their [bleep]ing mouths.

"Stop, play a different song." ✅

The pole dancer's act was very cool. Would have been nice to have seen the whole thing.

Simon: "I thought it was all a bit stupid." Pretty much sums up this show most of the time....

I think the dog was a better dancer than the woman. (Was I watching the same dog dancing act as the judges?)

Guy with a machete = time for a milkshake.

I might be in a bad mood tonight.

Aw, Nightbirde. 😞

"What are you going to do?" They just talked about how female dancers are not supported in their country. What do you think they're going to do?

That last act was very cool to watch and I am fully okay with them getting the GB (as they obviously were, being that it was 9:57 and we hadn't seen it yet).

[BuckeyeLou]

A couple of fun/entertaining acts tonight:  The Golden Buzzer was a good pick, I thought the Arabic women were very cool & unique.  The woman on the Pole turned out to be more entertaining than I was expecting.  And the Comedian from Georgia was one of the better Comics I've seen on this show.  I also enjoyed the Twins with their Hockey sticks, again it was unique, but I'm not sure what more they could do with that act.   The guy who did a Dance/Magic act to Heidi's video was amusing. 

[InternetToughGuy]

This episode was an improvement over the last one. I can never remember if the show improves when the auditions are over or if the quality goes into free fall.

//

Cubcakes - Cupcakes would've been a more fitting name, for the fact that Americans have never seen fewer than 15 at one time. The AGT YouTube channel didn't upload a clip of this, so I guess they didn't think it was worthy of watching, I've already pretty much forgotten about it in an hour. Going back to the name again, it's going to age terribly as they get older, unless they just assume that they'll break up soon. You never hear of dance troupes breaking up, mostly they are so unimportant, since "making it" in that world is dancing in the unlit background of a Jennifer Lopez performance.

Ethan Jan - It was an entertaining act, although as usual, you wonder how it can be stepped up. I was watching this with my little brother who didn't understand what was going on, so while adjusting my NRA baseball cap and mouthful of spit tobacco, I yelled explained how all of the different colors belong with their own. The unicycle was a nice touch, although with the increasing gas prices, it's hard to view it as silliness instead of a real possibility.

Kristen Cruz - Singing isn't her full time job, though only having one low paying job now puts her in the newly defined bourgeoisie. You can't really expect the average user to make a living off of TikTok, as it takes years of being born attractive and usually talentless, aside from knowing how to gel your hair 2 feet upwards. He probably did it too during this audition judging by the video's thumbnail, but Terry is reaching all new lows of uselessness - he could've been replaced by a soundboard and no one would have noticed. It's been said infinite times, but there's a near nonexistent market for obese singers, there's no point in pretending anything is going to come out of this.

Chris James - I had already leapt out of my seat in applause upon seeing he was a man, but the material was pretty good, which is a nice surprise.

Connor King - It wasn't really funny, but the edgier tone is pretty rare, so the attempt was still respectable.

Lace Larrabee - In the face of all the negative female criticism I give out, I have to clarify that I only hate the women who don't give me undeserved sex and financial loans I have no intention of paying back (kidding), but whenever a female comedienne takes the stage is an immediate cue for all facial muscles to relax. A lot of female humor seems to be about sex or delivered in a snarky tone that doesn't separate the punchline properly, the punchline is often delivered in a mumble which is grating to listen to.

Jannick Holste - It's a little endearing to see the (I assume) gay guy's brain mistakenly associate male/female attraction to a 49 year old, though I'm sure she was just as annoying in her prime. On the opposite end, since he's featured in Heidi's song, it's interesting to think about how Snoop Dogg has managed to stay relevant for so long by featuring in every song, commercial, and show he can get while somehow not being seen as washed up or desperate. As for the act, I can barely remember anything.

Kieran Rhodes - I thought it was boring. It seemed a little pointless to mention going to Berklee which everyone associates with virtuosos when what he played was barely above anything you'd hear on the radio, not that he or any act will appear on the radio, other than a disk jockey on air laughing about how all Forte tickets were now made free due to overwhelmingly low demand and still weren't moving. The song was filled with cliche rhymes like head/dead which I find hard to believe anyone can be moved by if they pay attention to how often such things are used in songs (girl/world being the top one). Ah depression, the disease constantly reinforced by the experiencer and everyone around him yet wonders why it won't go away, though I would be truly concerned if acquiring meaningless social media fame didn't cure him for good.

Kristy Sellars - Pole dancing seems like a relic of the past now that men can pay for pretend intimacy from the comfort of their parents' homes via OnlyFans, even though this is not that kind of pole dancing, I am pretty sure that is what most people would prefer seeing. 35 also seems like a bad age to only just start to try and go pro, if that is the intention, since it must be hard to remain strong enough to do that when old.

Manny D’Mago - Like most overly excited men, his performance lasted about 5 seconds. It didn't look like it was that bad.

Justin Rupple - Can there be an act that isn't trying to shoehorn the implosion of American family values and by that I mean the promotion of any relationship that isn't me banging all the women I want while my wife is kept in the dark. I always think these types of voice acts should be in the decline because it seems that the traditional celebrity is nowhere near as relevant as they were 10 years ago, especially with the younger demographic, even though TikTok stars are talented because they have dimples and make funny faces while reacting to other people's material and hence aren't a real replacement, but all of these impressions are usually of people who have had several decade long careers, so it seems hard to imagine there will be anyone of similar calibre to replace them in the future. I usually only like movies about high school (really), so even knowing who these people are and what they sound like, I don't find it funny or endearing, since every classic movie everyone raves about has been in my watchlist for a decade and is still untouched. Back to the act, he's another guy who has had the nonsensical idea to wait years for trying out for the show despite being fully prepared and having a goal, he waits until the viewership is in steep decline - what is the logic?

Cline Twins - It was a good act, though obviously limited in terms of what they can do with it. They've also seemed to disprove my lifelong theory that every set of twins had a gay one, especially since I can hear Madonna blaring in the other room.

The Glamour Aussies - I've always hated dogs, even long before the neighbor's dog started bringing me the classifieds with that condescending look on its face. Nonetheless, it was the same act that's been seen countless times before. If this is her full time job, is she going to need to be receiving welfare for years while training another dog when the current one dies?

Testa - Great act. Having seen videos of British immigrants swing those knives at each other over imagined disrespect while police shrug in the background, I have an idea just how sharp those things are. Not really much to say other than it was good.

Mayyas - The act was partially to show that they are just as capable as the men, while ironically the male choreographer showed that he has more discipline to grow his hair even longer than them. Seeing how insanely beautiful they all are, I finally understand the desire to sneak inside a country whose people don't want me there while possessing no employable skills - surely the reasoning of "but it's me" holds some sort of legal ground. Even with the obvious caveat of them being fat and tattooed would make it unwatchable, I thought it was the best act of the night, since for once it was a unique take on the increasingly tired large dance crew schtick. I hope their perception of western culture is rooted in ancient middle eastern ideas in that the only people who don't work are royalty, despite the pathetic high pitched whimper of me begging to use the car would immediately dispel that idea.

Edited June 22, 2022 by InternetToughGuy

[Neet]

Cubcakes - This remark is low hanging fruit (not that it'd even get picked at eye level), but I can only assume that the audience was too exhausted from 10 seconds of cheering to boo the fact that their name wasn't Cupcakes. Anyway, these children's dance troupes are rather gimmicky as it is, but there are few other indicators of future fodder than the youngest member being the unofficial mascot and getting the spotlight despite usually doing the least impressive moves.

Ethan Jan - Imagine how much of a stud this guy is going to be when he goes back to his high school and the vapid girls think he has money, he'll be living the dream. He's talented, for sure, but what else can he do going forward besides the same thing with slight variations? Not like anybody's thinking of how he'll actually fill a Vegas show. Ethan turning another cube while his vision is obscured (with one or both items gimmicked) is probably in the cards at some point. I'll still admit it was impressive that he could solve so many cubes when Americans bend over backwards to prove how colorblind they are to anyone listening.

Kristen Cruz - For a spot of real commentary, her voice was quite good. The growly Amy Winehouse/Janis Joplin vocals tend to be more interesting to listen to on this show, though it's a bad business move to basically advertise a probable career length of 8 more years from her current age of 19. There's a tinge of missing attachment to the lyrics when realizing she was probably singing about a fat guy with sweat stains, which is not a joke because a lot of downright frumpy women sing songs about "whose bed have your boots been under?" and the Casanova in question is a dork who you'd assume is not the subject of many fantasies. Yes, I relate much better to lyrical heartbreak coming from beauty queens who would extort me for money, at best.

Lace Larrabee - Because the audience at home are idiots (we must be, if still watching), the """good""" act needed a setup of two subpar performers to shape public opinion, must like how both the news and its commercial breaks are filled with indoctrination. (though I thought the one guy's joke about his high voice was good) She had more charisma than the other two, but I reacted with my best Botoxed Simon impression by being unable to contort my mouth into a smile. I don't really know what it would take to laugh at a female comedian. I watched an Ellen DeGeneres standup set a few years ago and thought it was funny, and it goes without saying the Halo effect of finding her attractive had no part in it.

Jannick Holste - Aside from a dozen other mannerisms, it was easy to know this guy was gay when he claimed to be obsessed with Heidi for no reason. I'm referring to over the top excitement at nothing, even though a straight man getting bubbly at a 50-something year old woman would be suspect as well. He introduced himself as a dancer, but this was more of an illusion act, probably just like when he invited his 'friend' to family dinner 100 times. Anyway, it was a little reminiscent of a quick-change costume act, which doesn't remain entertaining very long. He'd reveal his assistants sitting in a box, then dance over to the next one and that was it, unless I already forgot most of the routine. Much like any war, the girls were hiding until safe to come out, though Jannick historically wouldn't be drafted either, ironically. Another point is that he was dancing to Heidi Klum's song, which has the lyric of "when I fall in love, it's gonna last forever". She's now married for the third time, so any enduring commitment is more likely to come from being too old to walk to the lawyer's office to call it off than anything genuine.

Kieran Rhodes - Between this audition and that Olivia Rodrigo song "Deja Vu", Billy Joel can't avoid being a pawn in someone else's shit. It was a usual diversion for grumpy Simon to demand another song after giving the go-ahead to the first one backstage minutes prior. I didn't think his original song was very good, especially when cliche rhymes like 'head/dead' are sung with passion as if they haven't been used a million times. Congrats to Kieran for making it into the Berklee College of Music, though, which is one of the more prestigious routes to ending up making foam art at a cafe down the line.

Kristy Sellars - Hearing that a 35 year old pole dancer was performing on a Tuesday night is enough of a mental picture to see a seedy "Girls Girls Girls" neon sign struggling to remain powered on. The integration with the backdrop really livened this performance up, as plenty of contestants don't seem to get that doing singular talents while mostly stationary or in a fixed position isn't engaging unless you're a singer with some kind of illness. Much like Kristy, the act has legs, though she already won Australia's Got Talent and is thus not the (down) underdog she claims to be.

Justin Rupple - Terry was interviewing him backstage and he said "I'm this close to my own Vegas show", even though he hadn't even auditioned yet. That's like asking people to refer to you as 'Doctor' because you opened a pamphlet about medical school, although it was quite clear from the star treatment that he was going to be lauded. I don't automatically remember the voices of countless actors, and want to complain about old media (TV, movies, celeb culture) being outdated and running on fumes, though I can't name more than a few TikTokers either. It's tempting to call it 'generational flux', but it's probably just me being uncultured and stupid. Despite not knowing many voices, I will say that I also got nothing out of his explanations on how to do the impressions and found him rather unfunny in general. I forgot to mention his polyamory, which I'm sure is just as heavenly as it sounds and not at all filled with cattiness and jealousy from all three parties who thought they wanted it.

Cline Twins - As someone whose only exposure to hockey is seeing rival fans assault each other in the name of players who don't know who they are, the sport is a lot tamer than expected. It was hard to enjoy this when feeling the tension of how easily they could drop the puck, but it was very impressive. Not the thing that Vegas headlining shows are made of, but that hasn't been a real concern for AGT since its inception.

The Glamour Aussies - Besides pointing out the proclivity of white women to get intimate with their dogs, I honestly couldn't tell what the story was here. The attempts at being inspirational grow more tiresome by the season; it just feels pretentious when someone who is statistically likely to be deep in debt is telling another viewer who can't afford anything that it'll all be okay. Even before massive inflation, these acts have always been baffling for who they're supposed to inspire. "That dog hopping around really convinced me to open my own restaurant" is rather impossible to happen.

Testa - If this was supposed to make him out to be suicidal, it was as much of a 'cry for help' attempt as teens swallowing a whole bottle of cough drops, given that he was walking on the top part of the knives and not the blade. Regardless, the way he put this together was intriguing to watch and stepping up the ladder of knives required incredible balance. A hallmark of these danger acts is a female assistant in full dominatrix leather twirling around the stage and doing nothing useful apart from lifting the lid off a container or something. Pretty solid, anyway. It's nice to see a fair amount of danger acts this season.

Mayyas - They had the intro package talking about them being dancers, then said to the judges "we're here to hypnotize you". Being the last act of the show, my attention was so fried that I honestly thought they were doing a magic trick for over half the routine and didn't get what they were talking about until remembering. When properly clued in, they were very talented. I had to watch a clip again to remember the performance, but they deserved the Golden Buzzer. Regardless of how skilled they are, their attractive faces commanded 100% of the hypnotism and the actual dancing could've been like a TV's picture going static, for all I care. And if you "can't teach" those moves, how are the members so taut? 🤔

With that said, time to not give this show a second thought until next week.
 

Edited June 22, 2022 by Neet

[Vermicious Knid]

The magic tricks weren't anything groundbreaking but were done very well, combined with the dancing it was at least a bit original. I did wonder how many people were going to pop up. Apparently enough for a small dance troupe. So next time it will be more dancers and/or dogs?

Rubik's Cube kid was entertaining. Was not expecting him to ride a unicycle and juggle, which would be enough to get him on this show without the rest. Not sure how he can elevate this, but it's enough to get invited to be the halftime performer at a basketball game. Three comedians in a row was a bad idea, they all just blended together. Liked the 19 yo who films herself singing while making coffee. I assume the producers invited her to audition from that. Voice reminds me of Elle King.

Pole dancing requires incredible strength and muscle control so I salute anyone who can do it. I imagine they are watching the danger acts very, very closely after the AGT: Extreme debacle. Mayyas were fun. For those not up on their international current events, Lebanon is pretty much falling apart in every way it can right now. It's relatively liberal as a Muslim/Christian nation because women are not required by law to cover themselves, but is not exactly female friendly.

[Mr. Sparkle]

This was actually better than the last 2 weeks. Some of the acts were actually entertaining. 

• Cubcakes - I have no idea how they were, I blanked out in 2 seconds. I hate giggly girl dance groups, so I'm sure I didn't miss anything. 
• Rubik's Cube Guy - I enjoyed watching it, the kid is skilled if completely uncharismatic. He's not going much further. 
• Kristen Cruz - Great voice. I'm a sucker for raspy blues singers. Probably make the semi-finals.  
• The 3 comics - I don't remember the first one. The second one had a "might murder you" vibe. The woman was the funniest, but the material was so-so. 
• Jannick Holste - I liked him. I thought he was just going to mince around the stage, but he minced around the stage and did magic, so it was different. 
• Kieran Rhodes - dime-a-dozen piano singers. Was that the first Simon Says Sing a Different Song of the season? 
• Pole Dancer - another surprise. I figured her to get X'd off the stage, but the show was well done. 
• Justin Rupple - I didn't like his personality. The act was fair. 
• Hockey Twins - interesting for 30 seconds. Then repeat. No personalities. 
• Dog Act - come at me, but I don't like dog acts, and they're all basically the same. This didn't change my mind. 
• Testa - cool presentation. We've seen the schtick before, but it was watchable. 
• Mayyas - the dancing was very good, and I usually don't like group dance acts. 

[Tango64]

7 hours ago, Neet said:

given that he was walking on the top part of the knives and not the blade.

Had to go back and double check. He was walking on the blade, not the top part.

[Chit Chat]

13 hours ago, ams1001 said:

The pole dancer's act was very cool. Would have been nice to have seen the whole thing.

She was one of my favorites of the night.  I wish the cameras would've stayed on her rather than on the audience's reaction.  They're bad to do that with some of the more interesting acts.  I'm not a big fan of the group-type of dances.  Some of them are talented, but I find most of them boring.  

[deemac]

I guess I'm a sucker.  I bawled my eyes out at the dog act with the dog trying to get her attention.  Too many things, people, pets we take for granted.  Then I got mauled trying to compensate by giving my 2 huge pitties attention.  Reminder to self....next time grab a cat.

Edited June 22, 2022 by deemac

[ams1001]

4 hours ago, Superclam said:

Was that the first Simon Says Sing a Different Song of the season? 

Yep.

For someone who likes to go on about looking for something original, he's pretty repetitive...

4 hours ago, Superclam said:

Dog Act - come at me, but I don't like dog acts, and they're all basically the same. This didn't change my mind. 

I like the dogs, usually not the act. They're never going to win. But dogs are cute. I like it better when they're incorporated into something that doesn't need the dog (like the hand-balancing guy with the Chihuahua, or Piff and Mr. Piffles).

4 hours ago, Superclam said:

Mayyas - the dancing was very good, and I usually don't like group dance acts.

So many group dance acts have so much going on all over the stage, and especially watching on TV we don't get to see it all. This one is basically dancing as one unit, and they do it very well. I really liked it (and is it just me, or did they actually show more of the act and less of the audience/judges than we usually get)?

[Neet]

3 hours ago, Tango64 said:

Had to go back and double check. He was walking on the blade, not the top part.

Oh, ok. I stand corrected. I thought at least one was the top. Even more impressive.

 

Quote

(and is it just me, or did they actually show more of the act and less of the audience/judges than we usually get)?

There were a lot of reaction shots of plants that have been there for the past 4 episodes, though it's obvious that every show is cut-up footage from various days. When getting so annoyed at the fake audience that sizes up every prospective act with the same hostile expression, it seems like a quarter of this show is crowd shots. The judges probably didn't take up as much time because there was no need for any of them to be brought to the stage to 'help' with an act, and all of the 5 minutes of prodding/applause that comes with it.

Edited June 22, 2022 by Neet

[InternetToughGuy]

3 hours ago, deemac said:

I guess I'm a sucker.  I bawled my eyes out at the dog act with the dog trying to get her attention.  Too many things, people, pets we take for granted.  Then I got mauled trying to compensate by giving my 2 huge pitties attention.  Reminder to self....next time grab a cat.

Having had 5 of them, I'd recommend a cat too - the nearly nonexistent workload is worth the trade off of them being almost indifferent to your presence

[ams1001]

33 minutes ago, Neet said:

There were a lot of reaction shots of plants that have been there for the past 4 episodes, though it's obvious that every show is cut-up footage from various days. When getting so annoyed at the fake audience that sizes up every prospective act with the same hostile expression, it seems like a quarter of this show is crowd shots. The judges probably didn't take up as much time because there was no need for any of them to be brought to the stage to 'help' with an act, and all of the 5 minutes of prodding/applause that comes with it.

I was really just referring to the GB act. I felt like we actually saw more of them. Maybe because of the specific type of dancing; it's hard to cut away without really feeling like you're missing things, since they're making very specific shapes and whatnot. Or maybe the cameras were hypnotized, too.

I will admit, I was looking away a lot, too. I didn't even realize the first act was the first act and not part of some intro montage until it was almost over. The Lebanese dancers and the pole dancer were probably the only ones I actually stopped and watched (and it did feel like they cut away from the pole dancer more which really annoyed me since there was an actual storyline going on behind her).

[sharifa70]

On 6/21/2022 at 7:09 PM, ams1001 said:

I think the dog was a better dancer than the woman. (Was I watching the same dog dancing act as the judges?)

I fell down a rabbit hole of Crufts Heelwork to Music videos on YouTube a few weeks ago, and this was definitely that sort of routine. In the competition the human partner is supposed to interact but also not pull too much focus; the dog has to be the star. I’ve seen better routines but this wasn’t too bad and I liked the story.

I liked the Mayyas and the 19-year-old singer (Cristina?), and hate myself for being entertained by the German dancer/musician. The beauty pageant comedian (do we still use “comedienne”?) actually impressed me when she didn’t miss a beat answering Sofia’s question like it was part of the act.

I cannot remember anyone else.

[rr2911]

Cubcakes -  This llttle girl dance routine isn't going anywhere.  I guess they just want some exposre? 

Rubik's Cube Guy -  This guy with a very long neck was pretty good.  In fact it was better than I thought it would be.  Unfortunately, it's going to be short lived.

Kristen Cruz -  She had a good voice, but not Vegas wothy.     

The female comedian -  I remembered her because she was attractive and she actually made me laugh!

Jannick Holste -  The only thing I liked about this act was Heidi's song!

Kieran Rhodes -  I just can't believe that Simon would still think his "gimmick" is dramatic.  I got up and started to peel an orange. 

Pole Dancer -  It was different especially with the background stuff.  I liked it, but I did find myself opening my wallet to get a dollar bill out!     

Justin Rupple -  He was ok.  Not one of my favorites.  

Hockey Twins -  I lost interest after the first couple of flips! 

Dog Act -  Umm,.......No!  

Testa -  Very entertaining and one of the best of the night.  

Mayyas -  Probably my best of the night.  Don't really care for dance groups because they really do the same thing, but this group's performance was different.  I will say that I was at first surprised that this group was going to be the GB because they didn't have a sob story.  But when they told the judges that they aren't treated as equals in Lebenon. I had a "A-ha" moment! 

Until next time....    

[Lonesome Rhodes]

One of the best uses of the GB evah.  The real-deal Arab patriarchy is no joke.  I find it hard to believe they are still living in Lebanon.  This actual danger act is every bit as inspiring as AGT tried to make it, and then some.  I wonder if there is a hard and fast max age limit for any girl to be in that troupe.  SYCO really, really, really got one right.  For one night, anyway, art brought light to the world and AGT was the mechanism.

The dog was exceptionally winning.  The choreography was sub-standard.  The "acting" by the dog was great.

The pole dancer won Aussie Got Talent?!  Was Stevie Starr (Regurgitator) not available that season? 

I genuinely enjoy the awkward we get from non-professionals.  The hockey boys and the Rubic guy allow us to see their real selves.  "Can you win?"  ......silence....  Great moment.  Neither act belongs anywhere near Finals, though.

Atlanta pageant comic seems to me the most polished by far this year.  Her material was lousy, but that is a staple of AGT, isn't it.  Again this week, it appeared that a comic got short shrift.  The black guy barely got two jokes in and then we get the edit to a house shot where everyone is laughing like crazy as they rise to applaud him at the end of this routine.  Are they trying to save great material for a later appearance?  The impressionist was all-world, but not in the way I expected.  Humor and relevance?  Nah.  His impression of being a husband?  Give the man his Emmy.

There was, blessedly, a notable reduction in audience reax.  This is a sign that the acts themselves did not need, for the most part, the hard sell.  Nice.

Edited June 25, 2022 by Lonesome Rhodes

[PBnJay]

On 6/22/2022 at 11:29 AM, ams1001 said:

I like the dogs, usually not the act. They're never going to win.

Well, they did in 2012. Just think back to the Olate Dogs, they got the $1,000,000 that season. 

[ams1001]

1 hour ago, PBnJay said:

Well, they did in 2012. Just think back to the Olate Dogs, they got the $1,000,000 that season. 

That's true (forgot about them). For the most part, though...big animal acts don't get too far.

[dmmetler]

Hoping his piano instructor at Berklee corrects his hand position. It's not as bad as some I've seen, but it made my wrists hurt to watch him.