S03.E05: Roses on the Bed

[1011101010001]

I think I understand why car repairs are so expensive if a mechanic can drop $100k on Destinee.

[sempervivum]

On 8/15/2020 at 6:36 AM, Pepper Mostly said:

Scott's cover story about his lip does not wash. He tried fillers, probably from one of those people on Craigslist who promises medical quality but does procedures in her garage

Why would a middle-aged man opt for 'luscious lips' over getting his forehead wrinkles botoxed, assuming he went the cosmeceuticals route? Ugh, he is so cringe-y.

[mamadrama]

10 hours ago, RealReality said:

Yeah, all the sex talk on this show is making it easier to stay celibate during the pandemic.  I feel like I want to wear a mask just watching this show at home. Destinee definately looks like she has some sort of communicable germs.   

I don't know why the camera crew stays in the room long enough to get kicked out, are they hoping to film some porn that no one ever wants to see?  The idea of seeing any of these people naked is a lady boner killer. 

Can I also speak on the budget honeymoon suite with the tub in the actual bedroom?  Shawn apparently booked the finest suite at the local red roof inn.  

At this point I'm kinda like, forget the mask-I need a damn chastity belt! Despite my inexplicable attraction to Chon (it's my redneck side) and Maurice, there's not a couple on the franchise whose sex life I want to envision.

[1011101010001]

3 hours ago, mamadrama said:

At this point I'm kinda like, forget the mask-I need a damn chastity belt! Despite my inexplicable attraction to Chon (it's my redneck side) and Maurice, there's not a couple on the franchise whose sex life I want to envision.

Other than the smoking Chon does have a way about him.

[Auntie Anxiety]

16 hours ago, RealReality said:

I don't know why the camera crew stays in the room long enough to get kicked out, are they hoping to film some porn that no one ever wants to see? 

I’m surprised these famewhores throw the crew out. They could have a sex tape to put out on the internet when their 15 minutes of fame comes to an end.

[Empress1]

14 hours ago, MrBuhBye said:

Other than the smoking Chon does have a way about him.

Chon is good-looking. He’s not the kind of guy I’d date (the bad-boy thing isn’t appealing), but he’s good-looking. Shane is basically Chon ten years younger; Lacey has a type.

10 hours ago, Auntie Anxiety said:

I’m surprised these famewhores throw the crew out. They could have a sex tape to put out on the internet when their 15 minutes of fame comes to an end.

When Destinee (is it -ie or -ee?) was talking about how impressed she was with their sex, I was so grossed out. Just ... yuck. They’re both very unappealing.

[PrincessPurrsALot]

It's Destinie, because this show is all about names you need to ask people how they spell; see also Kristianna, Chanda, Shavel, Quaylon, Lacey, Lamondre, Johnna (All great names to me; I love things that go beyond the most common.  Individuality rules! Well except Lacey which seems to say, "Honey, we took one look at you and decided you were destined to work the pole"). We'll note these choices cover all races and genders.  Then again even when we have a John he becomes Chon when a prison dater/datee/woman with balloon lips gets involved.  

Destinie and Shawn having sex is what nightmares are made of.  Could he form his lips into a shape to kiss, or does he stay looking like a rabid badger exposing its teeth?  Mmmmm . . . let me kiss your flipper teeth.  

Edited August 17, 2020 by PrincessPurrsALot
typo :-(

[Empress1]

12 minutes ago, PrincessPurrsALot said:

It's Destinie, because this show is all about names you need to ask people how they spell; see also Kristianna, Chanda, Shavel, Quaylon, Lacey, Lamondre, Johnna (All great names to me; I love things that go beyond the most common.  Individuality rules! Well except Lacey which seems to say, "Honey, we took one look at you and decided you were destined to work the pole"). We'll note these choices cover all races and genders.  Then again even when we have a John he becomes Chon when a prison dater/datee/women with balloon lips gets involved.

My autocorrect changes Shavel to Shovel & I decided to go with it.

[Ijustwantsomechips]

On 8/15/2020 at 8:29 PM, Giant Misfit said:

Honest to god, I can't even look at Scott. His reddened mouth looks like he's been giving blow jobs to a running motorcycle muffler all day.

You win the Internet for the rest of 2020! Dead 💀 

[RealReality]

5 hours ago, Empress1 said:

Chon is good-looking. He’s not the kind of guy I’d date (the bad-boy thing isn’t appealing), but he’s good-looking. Shane is basically Chon ten years younger; Lacey has a type.

When Destinee (is it -ie or -ee?) was talking about how impressed she was with their sex, I was so grossed out. Just ... yuck. They’re both very unappealing.

I found Chon 10x more attractive than chane.  I wouldn't date either, but Chon had that swag that would have made me a little weak if I was like 15 years younger.  

I think destinee has the face of a troll doll and the body of a shoebox.  

No shame, I also have some weight to lose, but I just don't see how she is the girl a guy spends 50k on

[1011101010001]

2 hours ago, RealReality said:

I found Chon 10x more attractive than chane.  I wouldn't date either, but Chon had that swag that would have made me a little weak if I was like 15 years younger.  

I think destinee has the face of a troll doll and the body of a shoebox.  

No shame, I also have some weight to lose, but I just don't see how she is the girl a guy spends 50k on

You could argue his baby mama is more attractive.  But maybe she has limits in the bedroom.

[mamadrama]

On 8/16/2020 at 9:43 PM, MrBuhBye said:

Other than the smoking Chon does have a way about him.

He's a cutie but, then again, I AM grading on a curve here.

[heatherchandler]

On 8/15/2020 at 8:29 PM, snarkish said:

 

What's with no Kristianne and John, and still nothing on the new couple?

Still laughing about how someone described her "free from prison" outfit - she looked like a postal worker!

 

 

[heatherchandler]

On 8/15/2020 at 11:17 AM, KateHearts said:

Maurice:  "Let's look at a glossy, multi-page album of all the friends we had that are now dead."

HAHAHA!

 

On 8/15/2020 at 8:29 PM, snarkish said:

 

 

Jessica looking all uncomfortable in the corner at Maurice's daughter's house...all I can think of is the old Sesame Street song, "One of these things is not like the other...one of these things just doesn't BEEE-LONG!" Hanging out with the Compton Crips, she looks ridiculous at Roni's place. Why do people who evidently live comfortably and have normal lives, have the desire to hang out with those that don't? Is it somehow exciting? Something tells me she leads a boring life and has an office cubicle job she probably doesn't like and and is looking to live on the wild side and shock her parents.

 

 

Oh, yeah it's called slumming and it's a tale as old as time.  

I like Maurice and I really do think he got caught up at a young age and if he can get away from the scene, he can turn his life around.  

[Soobs]

On 8/16/2020 at 4:40 AM, mamadrama said:

Destinie is Goddess 2.0, but Shawn is so creepy that I hope she sails off into the sunset and he loses his bail.

It's sad that the only person in Mylie Grace's life who wants to take care of her is the crazy prison girlfriend seeking penpal.

 

 

 

I think you mean parasails off into the sunset, perhaps clutching a damp Coach bag.

Ugh, I wish they wouldn't film the kids. She is so vulnerable, it's hard to watch.

[psychoticstate]

On 8/15/2020 at 11:18 AM, Pepper Mostly said:

I was HOWLING with laughter! "I want a Coach bag!" "I want to go parasailing!" "I want to go sky diving!" So random. What's next? "I want to go to Le Bernardin!" "I want tickets to 'Hamilton'!" "I want the Strawberry Dress!" "I want a pair of lovebirds in a cage covered with Swarovski crystals!" Jesus Christ. 

I'm amazed the dumb bitch can read even a Nicholas Sparks book, FFS.  Shawn's baby mama needs to drag his sorry ass into court pronto for more support, since clearly he's got coin to spend on his jailbird girlfriend.  

Destinie has got to be one of the hardest, most worn looking 28-year-olds I've ever seen.  I mean, I'm a straight woman but if I wasn't, seeing Destinie in that towel with her honking tattoos would turn me straight in a second.  Ewww.  I guess I give Shawn some kind of props for getting it up over that.  

Lindsey's daughter seems like such a sweet little girl, I feel sorry for her at having such a loser for a mother.  Lindsey's mother (grandmother?) totally has her number though.  Lindsey has a good thing going now -- Scott's sending her money and apparently giving her mother and daughter money too.  If she stays in the pen, she doesn't have to move into a home with him.   I feel for Scott because I think the death of his son made him particularly vulnerable to a con artist like Lindsey.

I thought I might like Jessica at first, even with the unfortunate condom-like prison-pickup dress but girl really is a sourpuss.  Maurice is visiting his daughter, CHILL.  She's part of the package.  Frankly, Jessica probably should have stayed at the hotel while Maurice spent time with his child.  Or gone to the mall and bought some clothes in her own size, since everything she owns appears to be 4 sizes too small.  What kind of a job does she have that allows her to take off for a month, while she and Maurice wait for his parole to be transferred?  

Quaylon is clearly going to have to choose between Shovel (love it from an earlier poster) and Quaylude (or whatever his mother's name is.)  I want to know why neither woman is addressing the fact that Quaylon was telling both of them stories and was lying to one of them.  

I really wish LAL didn't find the need to show us scenes of recently released inmates grinding on their marks.  Ick.  Things are difficult enough in the world right now already.  

I always laugh over how these idiots tell freaking everybody about their jailbird "partner."  "So you're picking up your girlfriend?"  "Yeah, she just got released from prison after going away from 7 years for drugs!"  Or "Hello, sir, I'll be your driver this evening."  "Nice to meet you.  I'm picking up my girlfriend from prison and I'm going to propose to her and then hopefully marry her on the side of the road before we have to haul ass to get her to the halfway house she's bailed out of, like, 5 times before!"  I mean, when they are getting gas or going to the grocery store, do they tell everybody they found their soulmate at Inmates for Idiots dot com?  

[1011101010001]

18 minutes ago, psychoticstate said:

I really wish LAL didn't find the need to show us scenes of recently released inmates grinding on their marks.  Ick.  Things are difficult enough in the world right now already. 

It does work better than a cold shower for those of us who live alone.

[Squee Bastard]

5 minutes ago, MrBuhBye said:

It does work better than a cold shower for those of us who live alone.

Totally agree!

[Squee Bastard]

Damn! Jessica is such a sourpuss.