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There Once Was A Merle From Nantucket: The Walking Dead Limericks


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Our hapless heroes lined up over a trough

They suddenly heard an explosion go off

But Little Judith had warned Martin

Her strained asparagus lunch caused fartin'

With a gas bomb he should have backed off!

  • Love 4
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Here's a little ditty,

I have quite petite titties.

But oh, when I let them sway,

The men do tend to obey.

I let them free,

And made Daryl see,

The world still has glee.

Cause you know, you know.

I am a special flake of snow.

Edited by Watcher0363
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A little duet to soothe you all, a little tune that goes by the name of "Peaceful Negotiations".....

 

Aaron - I'm here to recruit you,

Rick - I want to shoot you,

Aaron - wait!, don't hate,

Rick - shut your hole walker bait,

Aaron - I know you are good peeps,

Rick - you're cleanliness and shaved face give me the creeps,

Aaron - come with me, let me show you what the community is all about,

*flesh hitting flesh, a thud*

Rick - and you just got knocked the fuck out.

Edited by iRarelyWatchTV36
  • Love 6
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Aaron - I'm here to recruit you,

Rick - I want to shoot you,

Aaron - wait!, don't hate,

Rick - shut your hole walker bait,

Aaron - I know you are good peeps,

Rick - you're cleanliness and shaved face give me the creeps,

Aaron - come with me, let me show you what the community is all about,

*flesh hitting flesh, a thud*

Rick - and you just got knocked the fuck out.

 

Sublime! *claps*

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Ballad of the Rickster

 

They're coming to lead me away!!

Ha ha hee hee ho ho!!

To the applesauce farm

Where life is beautiful all the time

And I'll be happy to see those nice young men in their clean J.Peterman barn coats with fair trade himalayan hemp piping

They're coming to lead me away!

To the happy zone

They're in the trees and look at the flowers and lots of kids and listening spies who sit and smile and twiddle their manicured/pedicured thumbs and toes and they're coming to lead me away!

To Dr.Pete's clinic with all you can eat prescription drugs like thorazine and lithium and electric shock and insulin and

They're coming to lead me away!!!

  • Love 5
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Rick, can I borrow your beard?

The request may seem kind of weird,

But the genuine article

Would scrub my boat's every barnacle,

And repel any mermaids that neared.

 

Michonne, can I borrow your katana?

I need it to clean marijuana,

Strip the stems, buds and seeds

With the incredible speeds

Of table-side chefs at Benihana.

 

Abraham, can I borrow your hairdo?

It would certainly give walkers a scare to

Glow in the night

With their skulls burning bright

Even more than Aaron's gun flares do.

 

feel free to add more

Edited by kikismom
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feel free to add more

 

Eugene, you have a weird kink,

But its not as bad as people think,

To be an avid observer while they copulate,

While at the same time pulling yours out to masturbate,

I salute your bad habit with this dirtied water drink.

 

Oh Judith, please don't you cry,

Keep those pretty eyes of yours dry,

I know your dirty and grungy,

But those walkers are always around and hungry,

*sniffs* Somebody needs a diaper change, oh my.

 

Carl is a little badass with a gun,

Which must be pretty fun,

The need and speed he's had to grow up,

Makes a person want to throw up,

But that's life in the ZA on the run.

 

My name is Gabriel, I am a Father and wore a white collar,

Which didn't even cost a dollar,

Could I bother you for a new pair of pants?

These are too stained and urine-smelly to chance,

*looks around & sigh despairingly*  Damn, if only I was bigger or taller.

 

'hands off the baton'

Edited by iRarelyWatchTV36
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(edited)

[Hello Rick, my name's Jess,

You look good shirtless,

I can cut your hair,

While at your chest I will stare,

And in my underwear I have made a mess.

 

I'm married (possibly? maybe!?) and have two sons,

But wow, you've got a pair of buns,

While I shore your locks I will pet you,

Here's my (house) number even though I just met you,

Your lack of facial hair, it stuns.]

 

My name is Deanna and I run the show,

Of this I will make sure you know,

My son is a stupid ass,

Who I give (mostly) a free pass,

And in my face it will surely blow.

Edited by iRarelyWatchTV36
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What's uncomfortable for Carl Grimes?

Not knowing if he's behind or ahead of the times

Only one kid was the same

Why'd they pick "Enid" for her name?

I can't even think of a word that rhymes!

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Watch me scale this wall like a real ninja lady,

If I fall and get hurt I'll go to hospital Grady,

I know you stared at my ass the whole way to the top,

Poke your eyes out I will if you don't stop,

But I must ask before I go; just who is the Real Slim Shady?

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When the world began to skid, Alexandria was off the grid.
An oasis of hope amid, humanities unfettered id.
To the city came a kid, her name was Enid.
For weeks she hid, all the things she did.
To the city came a hatted kid, I'll sit for your silly vid,
Reveal much of what I did, just to make a bid.
For the heart of this enigmatic kid, the girl named Enid.
An oasis of hope amid, a life so morbid!

  • Love 4
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Some musical Haiku from a couple years ago.

 

*******

Michonne with two drones

Bad ass chick patrols the woods

Alone, my Michonne

 

********

Well wake up Maggie

I've got eleven condoms

I could share with you

 

It's late September 

And I really should be back

Watching zombies rule

 

*******

Will you stay with me

Underneath these cars among

The herd of zombies

 

Please don't make a sound

Let them shamble by as we

Lay upon the road

 

 

I sliced up my arm

Blood is gushing out among

The herd of zombies

 

I will put this corpse

Down on top of you, then we'll

Lay upon the road

 

 

Take this screwdriver

Stab it in the eye among

The herd of zombies

 

Don't forget this place

We'll meet up again where we

Lay upon the road

 

 

 

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(edited)

Just a simple silly rhymey-poem, because I'm too tired to count syllables.

 

Daryl Dixon

Give up hope

Beth is gone

so sit and mope

Smoke and ponder

why life's bleak

all day all night

all fucking week

Daryl Dixon

has no care

about his odor

Just his hair

And I want to ask

of Rick's best henchman

Are you a redneck?

Or a Frenchman?

Edited by CletusMusashi
  • Love 6
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You kissed me on the cheek as I handed you your baby,

Did you forget I just introduced you to my husband, maybe?

Looking into your eyes I do see some crazy,

A shroud on your mind makes it hazy?

I know I probably come across as a loose and easy to take,

But you'll have to work pretty hard if its this pussy you wish to break.

 

(last stanza done in dedication to Lana Kane.  thanks Lana!)

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Carol, smiling, says:

"You can die screaming in pain

or have some cookies."

 

Daryl in bike shop:

"Hopefully, this ends better

than on 'Diff'rent Strokes.'"

 

Buttons was a horse

And a horse is a main course

to a corpse, of course.

 

Sasha shoots pictures

Executes them for their crimes

Last words? "We were framed!"

  • Love 6
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My name is Pete, hello Rick.

I'm a Dr, so come visit me to prevent getting sick,

I see you looking at my wife,

I know what drugs and procedures to 'accidentally' end your life,

Despite appearances I'm not easy to trick,

After all, I'm more than your average garden-variety Porch Dick.

  • Love 2
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oh thank god somebody got that.

Oh I got it, but decided to leave it alone. However since the ice has been broken. Whenever I read or hear that phrasing. I always think of Willie Nelson's character in the Electric Horseman

 

Wendall: I'm gonna get me a bottle of tequila and find me one of them Keno girls that can suck the chrome off a trailer hitch and just kinda kick back.

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