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kikismom

There Once Was A Merle From Nantucket: The Walking Dead Limericks

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I miss Zombie Haiku; so here's a thread for Walking Dead Limericks, Haiku, Knock-Knock jokes. riddles, songs...anything silly.

I guess I better christen this---

 

The last chapter we saw of our story

Our peeps were trapped in an abbatoir gory

Omens unheeded,

A human sacrifice needed,

It's times like this I almost miss Lori !

 

There once was a hipster named Gareth

Who welcomed you in if you dareth

He allowed you to run

Till he caught you and won

That Eth.O.B doethn't play faireth!

 

 

 

 

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There once was a fellow named Shane

who had something askew with his brain.

Weirdest part of it all

was his fondness for Carl.

I mean, that's just completely insane!

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Shane thought Carl might be his (I wonder?) son

Rick's look at Michonne's ass was hardly underdone

If birds of a feather

Tend to fly together

We should ship Eugene with Grusilla Gunderson.

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 I suppose we should import some of our old TWOP stuff. But, for the most part, I can't remember much.

I only started haiku'ing during S4... which tended to require heavy consumption of alcohol.

But I do remember one. About the introduction of a certain trio of characters.

I also remember a much better one, about the same exact trio, that was posted immediately after mine, but it's not mine, so obviously I'm not posting it.
Hopefully, other people will occasionally necromance some of their own stuff here, though.

Anyway, here's mine, that I remember:

 

"Scenery:"

 

Abraham chews it.

Eugene shoots it randomly.

Rosita is it.

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Here's a zombie joke from my daughter...

 

Q: What does a vegan zombie say?

A: I want to eat your grains

 

Q: What do vegetarian zombies crave?

A: GRAAAINS.....

 

Q: Did you hear about the vegan zombie?

A: He went to the insane asylum and only ate the vegetables!

 

Q: Did you hear about the zombie comic book?

A: It's called YOLO, and it's full of irony.

 

Q: What did the zombie do after he dumped his girlfriend?

A: He wiped his ass.

 

Buzzfeed has "The 19 Greatest Dad Jokes from Rick Grimes" ("Walking Dead jokes? More like Walking Dad jokes! Am I right?"), including this one:

 

enhanced-buzz-12680-1386122088-7.jpg

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I lurve your jokes, editorgrrl!

 

Back when I was doing song parody 'farewell to TWoP' tributes, I had a Walking Dead song parody percolating, but somehow lost the inspired lines I'd penned, and now can't remember them.  Damn those fried brain cells!  It was set to the melody of  "Age of Aquarius", and I remember the chorus:

This is the dawning of our rage against Terminus

Rage against Terminus

This Terminus ...

Is verminous

 

 

You guys get the drift.  :-) 

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A little off topic, but since Terminus obviously reminded so many of us of Charleton Heston...

 

In dystopia crowded and grey

Soylent Green's made of people, they say

And I'm suddenly struck

by the thought that ground Chuck

would be USDA... NRA.

Edited by CletusMusashi
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When two cougars fight

One dies screaming. The other?

Strolls off like a boss.

 

Walker named Hank thinks:

"I smell propane, and propane..."

BOOM! "... accessories..."

 

The hipsters are burned.
They must have drank their coffee
before it was cool.

Edited by CletusMusashi
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Give Gareth credit.

Nobody else suspected

that Bob was useful.

 

Faux-ther Gabriel

swears he has nothing to hide

except huge secrets.

 

Carol told Mary:

"I did this to my own hair,

and you, I don't like!"

 

Maggie has agreed.

The Governor's story arc

is fucking over.

 

Coral, listen hard.

Never let your guard down, son.

Hey, isn't Abe cool?

 

Old joke. Recycled.

Legless man floating in stew.

What is he called? Bob.

 

Abraham gets it.

He flat out said that Rick's group

should ride the short bus.

Edited by CletusMusashi
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2 Limericks and a Haiku: 

 

There once was horrible cop

who caught Beth with a green lollipop

He said "Hee hee hee hee,

Just pretend this is me!"

She said "I'd rather risk the long drop."

 

There was an escapee named Joan

who was great, in the time she was shown

She went down like a fighter

to rise as a biter

and chew pig-cop's face to the bone.

 

Dawn's Dr. Kelso.

Beth's J.D. but Turk's escaped.

Beardface is evil.

Edited by CletusMusashi
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Some delightful haiku imagery to start your new year off with:

 

Yosemite Sideboob shaves.

Finds inner dolphin.

Now he is smooth all over.

 

I'll be here all week. Try the guinea pig.

Edited by CletusMusashi
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Some delightful haiku imagery to start your new year off

It's on my mind's movie screen---double-billed with Free Willy

****************************************************************************************

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2 Limericks and a Haiku: 

 

There once was horrible cop

who caught Beth with a green lollipop

He said "Hee hee hee hee,

Just pretend this is me!"

She said "I'd rather risk the long drop."

 

There was an escapee named Joan

who was great, in the time she was shown

She went down like a fighter

to rise as a biter

and chew pig-cop's face to the bone.

 

Dawn's Dr. Kelso.

Beth's J.D. but Turk's escaped.

Beardface is evil.

Cletus your a genius. Not just these. I salute you. (Autocorrect wrote I sauté you) lol

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Holy shit, I had the syllables backwards last time, didn't I? Should have been more like

 

Rosita shaves Abe

until he is dolphin smooth

while Eugene watches.

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Holy shit, I had the syllables backwards last time, didn't I? Should have been more like

 

Rosita shaves Abe

until he is dolphin smooth

while Eugene watches.

Snort.

Through the night they walk.

While dragging their limbs along.

Putrid rotting flesh.

I think I was in sixth grade when last I haikued.

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There once was a young girl named Beth

Who could sing - but her acting was death.

The Bethyl fans all cried, "STOP!"

But Dawn made her skull pop

And EK's character has drawn her last breath.

There once was a young girl named Kinney

Pale blonde, pale face, and quite skinny.

She said "I can sing!"

But acting was much less her thing

So the writers did her like South Park does Kenny.

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A girl named Emily wants to be dirty

She thinks going bra-less is flirty

A passer-by drops their bags

Their jaw instantly sags

And she thinks "they'd never guess I was thirty!"

243B260600000578-0-image-m-78_1419301529

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A girl named Emily wants to be dirty

She thinks going bra-less is flirty

A passer-by drops their bags

Their jaw instantly sags

And she thinks "they'd never guess I was thirty!"

243B260600000578-0-image-m-78_1419301529

I didn't need to see that.

I don't think ANYONE needed to see that.

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Haiku for the seasons:

 

Season 1:
A hero gets shot.
Then civilization falls.
Then he fights zombies.

 

Season 2:
One group saves zombies.
Rick's group just moves in with them.
Zaniness ensues.

 

Season 3:

Move into prison.
Then find whole town of people.
It's evil though. War!

 

Season 4:

"All leaders are bad.
'Unless they are named Rick Grimes!"

Really? WTF?
 

First half of Season 5:

Carol is awesome

but most of these people suck.

Where's Lord Fluffington?

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Bob was a strange fellow,

we thought he was kind and mellow.

He had secrets and fears,

liked liquor not beer,

zombified insides like Jell-o.

 

ETA: This may be my favorite thread of all time.

Edited by SpaghettiTuesdays
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There once was a young girl named Beth

Her fate: inevitable death

Daryl thought her sweet tune

Chased away all his gloom

It was better than snorting some meth

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Beth's life was saved in fine style

Merle's pack held a strange vial

It righted some wrongs

Now some of her songs

Get a clap once in a while.

Edited by kikismom
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Oklahoma!   (with apologies to Rodgers and Hammerstein)

*************************************************************************************************************

Title song Re-mix

 

Teeeeeam GREATM!

In a short bus carrying a nerd!

There are fish they can catch

If they first don't retch

When the wind comes up right behind the herd!

 

Team GREATM ! Every night my honey lamb and I

See Eugene Porter drool

And play pocket pool

While we get some ass and soak my pubes in dye!

 

We know that our short bus sucked!

The mission to Washington is fucked!

And when we say:

Yeeow! Ayipioeeay!

We're only sayin'

Team GREATM!
We hate'em!

 

Surrey WIth The Fringe On Top Re-Mix

 

The Governor's army left nothin' but a dead wreck

When you escaped the prison with a redneck

When you escaped the prison with a redneck with the greasy fringe on top!

 

When we hit the road hell-for-leather

Luke and Molly were devoured in the heather

Most of our friends are dying all together and the walkers won't stop!

 

The wind'll howl as we rattle along!

Half-eaten horse is shrieking in the clover!

You can't block the sound with another folk song;

But you keep trying over and over!

 

We were scared you could go on forever

We were scared you could go on forever

We were scared you could go on forever

And you'd never stop!

 

I can feel your final scene gettin' older

Feel a leaky head near my shoulder

Lolling, drooping, close to my shoulder

Till it falls kerplop!

 

That's what happened when you escaped the prison !

Escaped with a redneck

With his fringe on the top!

 

Kansas City Re-Mix

 

They left Atlanta in 2010

By now they oughta larned a thing or two!

But to this day they haven't got an idy

Of what the world is comin' to!

 

Near 5 years

They're still wandering Atlanta!

They've gone about as fur as they can go!

They walked around in circles once for 7 months!

Long as anyone could be lost and still be home!

They kilt bout 3 or 4 people

Every time they took a simple walk

Rick put his ear to a Bell tellyphone

And dead people started in to talk!

 

Everythin' is clutterbucked in Georgia!

It's better than a magic lantern show!

 

Shoot a gun for hours without re-loading!

Their endless ammo trick can't be beat!

All the stores and homes were cleaned out at the season 3 premiere

Then they got re-filled with stuff to eat!

 

They drove all 4 directions away from Atlanta

And still end up on Peachtree Street!

 

Yup they gone about as far as they kin go!

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Does anyone remember Clint Eastwood singing I Talk To The Trees from the movie Paint Your Wagon?

I have no joke and nothing else to say.

I mean, what else could I say?

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If you can't frame your reply in a rhyme

I really haven't got the time

 

Be clever or die

Haiku sayeth I

or a limerick that makes me die

 

Ok then...

 

Rick's badge used to clear the way,

But that's gone in the world post-ZA.

Abraham's got some groove

But he's not dolphin-smooth

Only Carl's eyes say "Punk - make my day."

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Ok then...

 

Rick's badge used to clear the way,

But that's gone in the world post-ZA.

Abraham's got some groove

But he's not dolphin-smooth

Only Carl's eyes say "Punk - make my day."

 

Your reply makes me regain my faith

Even though you think Beth is a waif

Our differences aside

I think you are snide

The best compliment - you are safe!

 

:-D

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How did I miss this thread? Verily, there are true bards on TWD forum.

 

Does anyone remember Clint Eastwood singing I Talk To The Trees from the movie Paint Your Wagon?

 

My favorite was Lee Marvin singing, "I Was Born Under a Wandering Star". Love you, Lee!!

 

As for Braless Emily... Well, I just have to say that I admire her for not rushing out to get economy sized bags of silcone bolted to her chest, especially since we now know that big fake boobs are the only thing that can give a young women "self-esteem" these days.

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A braless young thing I one was

Clothes bugged me, I think just because

My sweet little titties

That once evoked ditties

Are now just a useless old buzz

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Poor Tyrese, Judith's mom.

Bitten by a zombie, nom nom nom.

For this world, he was too sweet,

Provided zombies with meat,

His death hit us all like a bomb.

 

(That one wasn't as good. Sleep deprivation is getting to me.)

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