GH Fanworks/Fanfic/Fanart: We Do It Better

[ulkis]

I'll start off with this

 

tomorrow on GH:

 

"What?" Rafe asked. "ALICE needs a heart?"

 

"Who's Alice?" asked Silas.

 

"A saint!" said Rafe. "Who needs my heart!"

 

"Your heart is riddled with cocaine Rafe," said Monica. "I'm afraid it won't be acceptable."

 

"NO!" said Rafe. He grabbed a scalpel and cut out his own heart out of his chest. "Now you HAVE to use it." He slumped over.

 

"Well, I guess he's right," said Silas.

 

"I'm pretty sure he's not - " started Monica.

 

"I SAID I'M PRETTY SURE HE'S RIGHT," said Silas. "But I can't do it, because I'm already really late with my date with Sam."

 

"Uh, Dr Clay, I don't know if you know, but I think Sam may want to be with her sister tonight?" informed Dante.

 

Silas ignored him. "What about you Patrick? You obviously have time. All you seem to do nowadays is grow out your beard now that

chick you hang out with left with her gay friend. You liked Rafe, right? He probably looks like what your son would have looked like if Rafe hadn't ran him over!"

 

Patrick stared. "Even if I liked Rafe, Dr Clay, I'm not a heart surgeon."

 

Silas pursed his lips in judgement.

 

"I'll do it," said Monica. "Even though I feel this is highly irregular and unsanitary."

 

"A lady doctor operating on Rafe's heart?" laughed Silas. "Please, we want this surgery to work. What about you shortie?" He pointed at Dante.

 

"I don't know if you realize this Dr Clay, but I'm a police officer," said Dante. "I wouldn't even know where to start."

 

Silas gestured Dante's hesitations aside. "Trust me, I felt like that for a hot minute too at the start of my first surgery, but I got over it. The police officer-to-doctor thing is the easiest thing in the world. And my next patient lived even longer than my first!"

 

"No," said Dante firmly.

 

Silas sighed. "Who else, who else? You!" He pointed at Michael. "You, in the suit. You look like you've mastered the art of faking a career in which for you are no way qualified in a matter of minutes."

 

"I can only master one career in which I have no preparation for at a time," said Michael.

 

"Damn it!" said Silas. "What about you, kid in the red shirt?"

 

Morgan nodded. "I'll do it. For the Dominator, I'll do it."

 

"No no, we're doing this for Alice, whoever that is. But mostly for . . . what's his face. My nephew."

 

"Rafe, the most evillest being ever to appear on the earth?" supplied Patrick.

 

"Yes, that's it! Rafe! Let's go!" He and Morgan put their arms around each other's back, and, taking Rafe's heart, headed into surgery to accomplish the greatest achievement of their careers.

 

Also if anyone can think of anything more creative for the title of the thread please let me know and I'll change it. I suck at titles

Edited July 7, 2014 by ulkis

[MSquared]

I think simply "Ulkis' Crackfic Thread" will do fine.

[ulkis]

haha no! I want people to link to actual fanfic too (like this one :) https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9947342/1/Love-Hate-and-Babies) and recs. And any good fanart too.

Edited July 7, 2014 by ulkis

[MSquared]

Touche.  

 

And actually, thank you for starting this thread.  I had thought about it for a while (to, yes, pimp my own story).  But thanks for recommending that particular one!

 

On a serious note, how about "Fanfictions:  Doing a Better Job at Storytelling than Ron Could Ever Hope to Do (Including Ulkis' Awesome Crackfics)." 

[Stinger97]

Nice idea for a thread, just please be sure that none of the fanfics spoil anything coming up on the show. I know that sometimes they incorporate storylines that have yet to appear. Thanks!

[ulkis]

thanks Stinger. And I like your title for it!

[MSquared]

My story (thank you again, ulkis) could have veered that way if Ron had an iota of creativity and not gone nasty on SK.

And I second that Ulkis. Stinger, you came up with a good one!

Edited July 8, 2014 by MSquared

[Chairperson Meow]

I liked Uklis' s better than what happened today. Write moar!

[ulkis]

I liked Uklis' s better than what happened today. Write moar!

 

Why, thanks. I actually have a ton of these that I've been writing for some people but some of them have too many inside jokes to bring over. Here's one I wrote for a pal whose favorites are Lucas and Nathan.

 

"Hello Nathan," said Lucas, taking him by the hand. "I've found the perfect spot for us to have sex."

 

"But I'm not a homosexual, Mr Jones," said Nathan, glancing up in nervousness. "Besides, I'm having a lot of clandestine sex with the commissioner."

 

"Oh, I'm sure she'll be fine with it," said Lucas.

 

"I am! Go to it, lads!" cried out a voice. Nathan glanced behind him. It was the commissioner, waving cheerily.

 

"Everything is very odd today," said Nathan. "It's almost like everything is being perfectly manipulated into getting me to go with you, like we're living in someone's fantasy."

 

"Oh, we are," said Lucas. "Mine. Oh, by the way, we're here."

 

"A bus? You want us to have sex inside a bus that just came from Atlantic City. It's probably not very hygienic."

 

"I cleaned it," replied Lucas. "While I was naked. And right after I got a haircut."

 

"But did you shower afterwards?" Nathan asked. But Lucas ignored him and pulled him into the bus.

*

 

"Wow, that was pretty great," said Nathan. "I did not know how much I'd like that. The best part was when - "

 

"Sshhh," interrupted Lucas. "Let's not describe it. Let's pretend we're reciting dialogue written by a person who knows pretty much nothing about gay sex and isn't even going to attempt to try to that oh no. It's more special that way.

 

Nathan glanced briefly to the side. "You're right, I thought about it right then, and it is more special."

 

Lucas smiled. "And now, let's ride this baby."

 

They drove the bus merrily throughout town, running over Dr Clay.

 

"That was my sister's husband," said Nathan. "Well, they hadn't been together for over 20 years, she was in a coma. But she still might be sad."

 

Lucas looked into the rear view mirror, where a red headed woman lit the body on fire and danced around the flames.

 

"I'm sure she'll heal soon," Lucas said.

 

Then he rammed right over Sonny Corinthos, the coffee-importer-alleged-mobster. "Wasn't he your sister's ex-husband. I thought they cared for each other."

 

"Eh," said Lucas, right as they mowed over said sister.

 

"Lucas, are you alright? I'm starting to be alarmed by your behavior," said Nathan.

 

"Trust me, she sucked," stressed Lucas.

 

"Well, alright," said Nathan. "If you say so."

 

"I do say so," said Lucas. "Now buckle up! We still have Sabrina, Levi, and many more to go!"

 

Now this, Nathan thought as he strapped himself in, was going to be their most exciting adventure yet.

 

Edited July 13, 2014 by ulkis

[Chairperson Meow]

Omg! Yay! They killed Sonny! Can you do one where Patrick gets Hulk Smashed and Sabrina is told that she is alone?

[OnceSane]

That was A-MAZ-ING! [/Rona Thorne, Archer]  I want another, ulkis.

[tvgoddess]

Brilliance, pure brilliance. Love Anna getting her jollies on watching them, but the joyous, murderous bus ride taking out both Sonny and Carly was gold. I know you won't miss getting Kiki on the next go-round.

[Chairperson Meow]

Here's a short thing from me, well an excerpt. I call it "Orange Glow's Lament"

Sonny paced his mansion back and forth. His gel was gooping into his eyes. The constant struggle of watching Ava, knowing he had to kill AJ- how dare that bastard be there at that time when Sonny just had to shoot him, ugh!- and his coffee business. Not to mention the new mobster not mobster who lived in the park, Julian Jerome. I mean, he pushed drugs. All Sonny did was blow people up and stuff, push coffee, and bully women. But Sonny was locked in a closet. No one understood him. Ever. Even his new bodyguard couldn't shoot a target. His sons were useless. One was actually a Quartermaine and the other a werewolf. And girl child was well, who cares about girl child? Did he even have a girl child?

Sonny paused. Thinking was not his strong suit. Max wasn't there to do it for him, nor lift Ava upstairs. It was bad enough he had to dump his vamos and his cases of heineken, the only beer Sonny truly loved. Ugh. Sonny fondled his flash drive. On it held Ava confessing to killing Connie and then Sonny killing AJ. Of course AJ had to beg for his life. If only Ava weren't pregnant with his child! Or his son's! He put the flash drive in his pocket. Sonny grabbed his gun. There was one way out. But he couldn't shoot himself. Where else would Port Charles get coffee? Who would romance the women of Port Charles?

He looked in the mirror, his orange glow fading. It wasn't easy being Sonny Corinthos.

[tvgoddess]

heineken, the only beer Sonny truly loved

 

 

Please don't make me have anything in common with Sonny.

[Chairperson Meow]

I was going to make it PBR, but thought it was too unbelievable.

[ulkis]

Brilliance, pure brilliance. Love Anna getting her jollies on watching them, but the joyous, murderous bus ride taking out both Sonny and Carly was gold. I know you won't miss getting Kiki on the next go-round.

 

[Ron Carlivati]I had a scene killing Kiki, but it was cut for space[/Ron Carlivati]

 

(don't worry tvgoddess, there really was no Kiki killing scene.)

 

Here are some that make fun of Kiki, though. (Sorry for the posts that take up a lot of room . . . I tried putting it under spoiler bars but it didn't work for some reason, too long I guess.

 

"Silas, what's wrong?" asked Kiki.

 

"Don't call me that," said Silas (who was really McBain, so let's call him McBain).

 

"I know you're my dad but it feels kinda funny to call you dad right away," said Kiki.

 

"It's because you're attracted to me, isn't it?" said McBain. "Ugh, you disgust me. But also attract me."

 

"What?!" said Kiki. "No, it's because we just met like two days a-"

 

"God, women and their damn never ending talk," said McBain. "No need to tell me about it, okay? I don't want to talk about it either."

 

"Oookay," said Kiki.

 

"So just call me Doctor Dad," said McBain. "Because I'm totally, 100% a doctor. Totally."

 

Turns out I was a little bit prescient in this one

 

"I'm so happy you're my daughter Kiki," said McBain.

 

"You are?" Kiki asked.

 

"Yes," said John. "Can't you tell?"

 

"Well . . . no," said Kiki. "You're looking straight ahead avoiding my eyes. And there are tears in your eyes."

 

"Rafe would have known what was wrong," said McBain. "He was a stupid little shit, but at least he was a stupid little shit of the male variety."

 

"I'm sorry," said Kiki. "What happened to him."

 

"I don't know. Definitely no lethal side-effects from an operation someone performed on him because they were totally, definitely a doctor and thus had no reason not to do it. Definitely not." 

 

"ummm," said Kiki.

Edited July 12, 2014 by ulkis

[MSquared]

Okay, Ulkis, that second one was kinda scary.  Are you really Ron?

[Chairperson Meow]

Ulkis is what Ron aspires to be

[formerlyfreedom]

@ulkis, we prefer that spoiler tags are only used for spoilers. Your post was in no way too long, so no worries at this point.

 

And I'm enjoying the fanfic!

[Cattitude]

Okay I've never done this before and I don't know Gh history well enough to do it justice, but this looked fun so I thought why not?

 

Tracy stood at the top of the stairs with a satisfied smile on her face. They had done it. Fluke lay dead at the bottom of the stairs. All those months of hard work paid off big time. To think that Fluke actually thought he fooled her all those months. He played right into their hands. They had known right away that Fluke wasn’t really Luke, but also realized he had deluded himself into thinking he was the “real” boss. They had to find out who the real boss was so Tracy and many others had played along.  Finally the shocking truth was reveled: Fluke was really just a deluded underling of the Puerto Rican drug cartel. The real boss all along was Sabrina. She had brain washed Fluke to think he was in charge all the while pulling the strings. She even let Fluke think he used Rafe to scare Spence with that car accident when all along she needed to get rid of that annoying pregnancy. Her plan was working like a charm she even used it as a reason to go home and run her empire in person. Little did she know they all knew the truth now. Jordan had her in custody and Ric could now come home, much to Julian and Alexis’ relief. They all had hated keeping TJ and Molly in the dark so long. No one regrets keeping Anna out of the loop though. She surely would have blown the whole thing. Rafe’s death was a regret, but the child had really never had a chance and without his heart Alice almost blew the whole thing. Yes it all worked out so well in the end. No more Fluke and no more Sabrina. Ned and Michael walked up to Tracy. They linked arms and walked off to run ELQ as her daddy would have wanted. The only mystery left is where was Luke? Oh well, maybe one day someone would find him.

[Tiger]

Sahbweeenah as the head of the mob, her entire demeanor and personality having been fake, would be such an awesome twist.  

 

I have wanted it to be Scarface!Lily, but this would even better.  

[Chairperson Meow]

I've always suspected Sobby was evil.

[testardo]

Cattitude, sure your not Ron ? No guess not he wouldn't have the brains or writing talent to spin this the way you did,great work. Go put in an application for a job writing this unholy MESS. Sobby the evul   great.! I like this.

[Cattitude]

I'm such a doof I forgot my big finish.

 

When Carlos learned the truth about Sabrina his interpretive dance of pain was so epic is was stuff of legends!

[OnceSane]

One day Kiki woke up & shot herself in the face.  Franco was standing behind her, & the bullet passed through, killing them both almost instantaneously.  Levi walked in, slipped in the blood, & cracked his head on the coffee table.  Nina rolled up in her wheelchair and ate him.  Sonny saw her, so she had to eat him too.  Carly walked in on the feast, & garrotted Nina before jumping out the window to her death.

 

The End.

[BestestAuntEver]

I am loving all of these. Everyone is so talented & creative.

 

Okay, blame this on @CPP83 for putting the idea in my head. I added the deaths because that seems to be a running theme. :-D

 

 

 

“Hey, Babe!” Lucas yells, “Are you home?”  

 

“I’m here.” Brad answers coming out of the kitchen with a loaded silver tray.

Smiling, Lucas inquires “What is all this?"

 

“Well I wanted to celebrate your first day of being the Director of Physical Therapy Services at GH,” Brad responded. “I enjoyed spending time with your family & friends but I wanted to do something for just us. You know. So I got us some champagne, chocolate syrup & whipped cream. ”

 

Smiling even brighter, “That’s sweet of you, babe. You didn’t have to do anything special. “

 

Brad sits the tray down on the coffee table & pulls Lucas in for a passionate kiss.  “I know but with everything that has happened I want to enjoy every moment we have together.”

 

Bringing Brad into his arms, Lucas asks “How are you holding up with everything that has happened?”

 

Brad just allowed himself to feel…..to feel the warmth of Lucas’ body, the rhythm of his steady heartbeat, the strength in his arms & the love of his caresses.  “It s hard but it is becoming easier every day.  Being taken hostage at GH by Franco with my fellow staff members was frightening.”

 

“It’s okay, It’s okay.... you are okay" Lucas states while holding Brad’s shuddering body & gently kissing his temple.

 

Lifting his head & looking into Lucas’ eyes, Brad says “I know. It’s just sssooo hard to believe Sean, shot Felix then Sabrina point blank in the head like that when he was trying to shoot Franco.”

 

“Remember what the authorities said babe. " ‘For a sniper & mob enforcer, Sean had a horrible sense of aim.' It was nothing you did. Sean was desperate to prevent Franco from telling the truth about AJ’s death. I feel sorry & sad for Sabrina & Felix’s families but I am extremely happy, you were not harm.”

 

Moving away in order to reach the silver tray, Brad gives Lucas a bright smile. “Let’s not talk about this anymore. Sabrina & Felix were both laid to rest side by side in Puerto Rico in a beautiful ceremony with Pip serenading them. Franco was killed, Sonny was convicted & is in 23hr lock down & Sean is no longer allowed to carry a gun of any kind within the borders of the United States of America or its territories. I want to celebrate us being together & your new position”.

 

With a cocky smile, Lucas responds “I know some new positions we can celebrate with.”

 

Brad lifts his shirt over his head & drops it on the couch.  “I bet you do.” Laughing, Brad picks up the tray and starts walking to the bedroom.

 

“Babe, you forgot the strawberries. Want me to get them out the kitchen”

 

“Nope, I didn't.  Tonight, WE ARE the strawberries.” Lucas’ laughter rings out in the den as he starts unbuttoning his shirt & following Brad into their room.

Edited July 13, 2014 by BestestAuntEver

[Chairperson Meow]

Okay someone has to explain to me like I'm Sonny...

What is up with Carlos and interpretive dance?

I do love all these happy endings.

[ulkis]

At least Rafe can still have adventures in fic:

Franco sat on the park bench, nursing his wound on his shin. Even deeper than the physical pain though (which was very deep), was the thought that Carly's daughter didn't like him, when all he wanted to do was show Joss the world of art. He despaired of ever winning her over. He heard someone sitting next to him. It was Rafe, the young kid who had tried to steal his money.

 

"I don't have any money left for you to steal, thief," said Franco. The nerve of that kid. He didn't even have a brain tumor.

 

"I got what I wanted to get with your money," said Rafe. He took out some cocaine. "Want some?"

 

"Oh nononononono," said Franco. "I don't do drugs."

 

"But I can see your shin is hurting!" said Rafe. "This will help."

 

"Well . . . " said Franco. "Alright!"

 

They happily snorted cocaine together in the bright daylight with many people passing them by, oblivious to the 45 year old man with a giant tennis racket and an apparently 13 year old boy with shining earrings using drugs together for a wonderful afternoon, when someone finally noticed them.

 

"Uncle S-s-s-silas!" said Rafe, surprised. "I didn't think you came to the park."

 

"I don't," affirmed Silas. "But sometimes I do, just to remind myself how lucky I am that I'm not a kid whose father was a serial killer who thought he was a vampire and so never came to the park because he thought the sunlight would kill him. Aw yeah, sure is nice." He stretched his arms, as if embracing the sunlight.

 

Franco thought this was rather cruel of Silas, but Rafe seemed to nod, as if this made sense. "Hey!" Franco had an idea. "Your dad was a serial killer. So was I! Maybe, like, I could be your new dad? Kinda? I just think I might be more up to it than this guy - "

 

Pain had exploded all over Franco's shin again. Oh, God, would the universe never stop hitting him while he was down?

 

"Dipshit! Did I give you permission to try to steal my cheap labor pool away from me?" said Silas. He turned to Rafe. "Uncle Silas loves you buddy." He turned back to Franco, looking puzzled. "What's wrong with you?"

 

"Already - kicked - there - once - today - by- little-girl," gritted out Franco. "Rafe hit you?" asked Silas. "See, you want to adopt him and you can't even handle him. Besides, look at this." Silas lifted up his own shirt. His stomach was covered with a huge bruise, deep purple and red.

 

"What happened?" asked Franco.

 

"I got really mad at my wheelchair bound wife, well I say wife, she's been in a coma for 20 years so really, she's more of an ex-wife, well anyway I shoved her wheelchair away, but then I accidentally fell while I shoved her and fell against the edge of my table. Did YOU accidentally fall and crack a rib while shoving your wheelchair bound wife whose last memory was of you telling her you were leaving her for your girlfriend? Or are you too high on cocaine to remember?"

 

"I may be too high," admitted Franco.

 

"That's what I thought," said Silas with satisfaction. Rafe nodded. "His pain definitely trumps yours. As much as I loved this afternoon of doing drugs with you, Uncle Silas needs me."

 

Franco turned away, telling himself at least it wasn't as harsh as little Joss' rejection of him.

 

 

(reminder: these are both old fics, so that's why they focus on episodes that happened a couple of weeks ago

"I thought that you were gonna tell her that you were with Sam," said Rafe.

 

"I did," said Silas. "Bitch went crazy, so I told her she had to stay or I'd shoot in her in the head."

 

"What?!" said Rafe.

 

"Just kidding," joked Silas. "That was plan B."

 

"I feel very strange Uncle Silas," Rafe admitted.

 

"Yeah, you're about to feel even stranger," said Silas. "You see, unsurprisingly, the wife still wants a piece of this." He brushed his hair out of eyes, and unbuttoned one button more on his shirt. "So I have to distract her, which is why I asked you to come back here."

 

"And because we're best friends, right?"

 

"Right. And you know what best friends do for each other?" said Silas. "When one friend has some wife that he never really liked wake up from a coma after 20 years, to keep his bro from having to tap that wildebeest again, he offers to sleep in the same bed with his said wife."

 

"And that's me, sir?" asked Rafe.

 

"Do I have another best friend?"

 

"I don't think she'll be satisfied with me after you," opined Rafe.

 

"Well of course she won't you dumb shit," agreed Silas. "But she's gotta take what she can get. The hag just woke up from a 20 year coma. She looks like cat vomit, if cat vomit had human form."

 

"If you say so . . . " said Rafe doubtfully. He was glad he had just gotten his ears pierced, otherwise he would have wondered if he didn't look good enough for Nina.

 

Edited July 15, 2014 by ulkis

[Chairperson Meow]

I love these. I buy it.

[OnceSane]

 

"When one friend has some wife that he never really liked wake up from a coma after 20 years, to keep his bro from having to tap that wildebeest again, he offers to sleep in the same bed with his said wife."

 

This was my favorite part.  Totally part of the bro code, dude.

[Cattitude]

I just had to get rid of Levi so here ya go. Ya'll are welcome.

 

Nathan finally had approval to complete his mission. The weapon had been sent and received. All that was left was for him to use it. They had been tracking this clan of douchedicks for a while. He was always amazed that no one suspected this race existed in the general population. He understood those who fell under their spells not noticing b/c it rendered their brains useless to their charms, but others should certainly suspect. All he had to do was kill the douchedick king of this clan and that would break the spells on these people. It would also trigger the murderous revenge feeling in them causing the whole clan to be wiped out. He had been purposely antagonizing the king douchedick by walking around shirtless. This in turn caused the king douchedick to try and one up him by walking around almost naked. He had the golden three blade knife at the ready to stick in the king douchedick’s genitals as protocol dictated to break the spell of the whole clan. Levi just awoke from his nap walked out into the living room near naked. Nathan walked up and gave a satisfying plunge of the knife into Levi’s genitals. Levi screamed and fell dead to the ground. Elsewhere in PC….. Tracy turned from her desk at ELQ just as Fluke walked in, returning from his long trip, to gloat at his good fortune. Tracy shakes her head and looks at Fluke with new eyes. She picks up the stapler from her desk and beats Fluke dead. Olivia sits at the bar as Sonny walks in. She gets up and shakes her head looking at Sonny with new eyes.  She begins picking up every piece of barware in the bar and flings it all at Sonny one by one until he is dead. Carly get up from the couch and shakes her head. As Franco walks in she looks at him with new eyes and picks up the giant tennis racket. Using it she beats Franco until he is dead. Lucas walks in followed by Brad. Lucas shakes he head and looks at Brad with new eyes. He reaches over, picks up his favorite copy of The Golden Girls and beats Brad with it until he is dead. At the airport Patrick wipes his brow. He has to get away quick. Thank goodness b/c of his work as a physician, even though being forced to save people, it has weakened his powers and he hasn’t been in good control of a woman for a while. This weakness is allowing him to escape. As he passes by arrival gates he fails to see Robin as she comes from her flight.  Robin shakes her head and sees Patrick walk by. Robin takes her stethoscope from her bag walks up behind Patrick and strangles him with it.
Nathan gets the call from his boss. The mission was a success all the douchedicks in PC are now dead. This clan is wiped out. Maxie walks in from the hall. Seeing Levi dead she shakes her head looks at Nathan with a smile and say “thank goodness you killed him”. Running into his arms they kiss.

[Chairperson Meow]

Very GoT

[SlovakPrincess]

One day Kiki woke up & shot herself in the face.

 

 

I just burst out laughing reading this. 

 

Wow, most of this fanfic is pretty violent!  This is what happens when you frustrate loyal soap viewers too much!

[OnceSane]

 

I just burst out laughing reading this.

 

Thank you.  I was inspired.  LOL

[ulkis]

"So just, you know, paint your pain away," Franco told Silas. "I know that words don't mean much, so this is exactly what this is - putting your heartache into something other than words."

 

Silas stared at him. Was Franco mocking him? Didn't he understand how deep and engulfing his pain was? How heavy even just picking up a simple paintbrush felt? Why, almost as heavy as Nina and her wheelchair must have felt to Rafe when Silas asked him to carry her up the stairs when the elevator was broken. No, no, he couldn't pick up the paintbrush, and told Franco.

 

"So you'll have to guide my hand for me," said Silas. "So hold my hand. Not in a gay way though."

 

"Did someone say gay?? Everyone knows painting therapeutically means foreplay! Watch out Franco!" said Brad, who had, quite frankly, popped in out of nowhere.

 

"I think we're good," said Franco, but Brad had disappeared as quickly as he had appeared.

 

"So, how about we just paint things Rafe liked?" asked Franco.

 

"He . . . liked, um . . . air," said Silas. "And it's a good thing to paint, because I won't actually have to make much effort. Yeah, in fact, I think we've already done it. Best painting ever. Let's hang it up."

 

"Well . . . " said Franco. "Maybe we can add some lines to just indicate that the air is moving, or something?"

Silas stood up. "Look, have you ever had a nephew get into a car accident because two good looking women were busy arguing over you? Have you ever experienced that pain? HAVE YOU?"

 

Franco sighed as Dr. Clay walked away. Clearly, this would be the toughest challenge in his distinguished career. (Except for maybe that time he had been halfway painting a person who had turned out to be alive after all and moved in the middle. What a pain that had been! Almost ruined the whole painting! Franco laughed over the fond memory.) But yes, other than that, this surely would be his toughest challenge.

 

Edited July 18, 2014 by ulkis

[rur]

Alexis shuddered herself awake and sat up, gasping. She found herself looking directly into Julian’s concerned eyes. "Are you all right? You, um, bounced into the headboard pretty hard and knocked yourself out."

Alexis shook her head dazedly and then nodded, saying, "Yes, I’m OK, but I had the strangest dream. . . ."

“Regardless,” said Julian, “We’d better take you to the hospital just to be on the safe side. I’ll call Lucas and let him know we’re coming."

"Why . . . call . . . Lucas?" Alexis asked.

"Well, he is in charge of the ER and besides that, I’ve got an in with him," Julian grinned.

“In charge of the ER?” Alexis repeated dazedly.

Julian’s grin faded. “I think we need to get you there now” he said briskly.

 

As Julian drove to the hospital, Alexis said sheepishly, “I know this will sound crazy, but humor me. I’ve got to sort out nightmare from fact.  First. is there a Doctor Clay at the hospital who looks like that cop that pulled us over in Pennsylvania a couple years ago?”

“No Dr. Clay,” said Julian.

“Then there’s no wife called Nina or a daughter called Kiki either, right?”

“Right.”

“Is there an artist in town who’s a reformed serial killer?”

Once again, no, was Julian’s reply.

“Thank goodness,” Alexis breathed. “That’s what I was dreaming when I came to. . .  But, one more question: . . . Do you have a sister?”

“Olivia? She’s dead.”

“No, another one, Ava, who’s pregnant with the child of either Sonny or Morgan Corinthos?”

 

Julian snorted a laugh, then pulled the car off the road while he tried to regain his composure. Normally he would have continued driving, but since they happened to be on Port Charles’s most deadly, deserted, curvy and narrow stretch of road, he decided to err on the side of caution.

 

When he stopped laughing, he turned to a slightly huffy Alexis and said, “I’m sorry; I’m not laughing at you, just at the situation. That knock on the head sure did scramble your memory. I don’t have a sister, so there’s no pregnancy. Morgan lives in Australia with Jasper Jacks and his wife Brenda, and their daughter Joss. Sonny Corinthos is a barrista at Starbucks. He has been ever since Jason Morgan was shot and rolled off a dock by someone he had entrapped in a pyramid scheme to sell energy drinks. It turns out all the money Sonny thought he was making in his “business” was coming from Jason. Sonny was just his dupe.”

 

“Sam is Jason’s widow, though, right?” queried Alexis.

 

No. Our daughter Sam didn’t marry Jason. She’s currently working somewhere in Europe for the WSB. Our middle daughter Kristina is away at college and our youngest daughter Molly is still in high school.”

 

“Our daughters? You’re the father of all my children? The living ones, that is?”

 

Julian started laughing again and choked out a yes as he started the car.

 

Lucas met them at the hospital door with a wheelchair, and, with Julian, took Alexis into the ER, where she was quickly assigned a room. She looked up as a blond man walked in, saying, “Who are you?”

 

“Why Alexis,” he replied, “you know me. I’m Dr. Tom Hardy. Lucas told me you’d hit your head. Let’s get you to Xray right away. Nurse!”

 

“Sabrina?” Alexis asked at the sound of footsteps.

 

“Good heavens no, replied a female voice. “She and Felix were fired months ago in a major house-cleaning.”

 

Tom said,  “You remember Dr. Maya Ward, don’t you?”

 

Maya nodded at Alexis then said, "Doctor? The orderlies are ready to take her to Xray now."

 

Alexis lay back on the gurney, reflecting on everything she’d been told in the last hour or so. Abruptly, she sat back up. "Dr. Hardy?" She said sharply. "No matter what happens, will you promise me that this is the reality I’ll return to? I'm happy here."

Edited July 21, 2014 by rur

[Chairperson Meow]

Ron sat at his computer typing. "Oh emm gee! Thank you for being a friend! I am the Bestest Writer Ever! Squee!"

He'd been at the helm of General Hospital and formerly One Life to Live. He was responsible for amazing stories like DID and Jessica almost getting raped by her bio dad, but then turning 17 again and getting for real raped by Bestest Actor Ever, David something. Ron forgot names, but he was hot and he still had his number. Ugh. Life would be perfect if only the stupid fans listened to him and meaniehead PP didn't sue him. Ugh. He could for real just copy and paste all his other stories and go about business. But these people wanted work. Ugh work.

Suddenly, the door kicked open. A tall man appeared before him.

"I'm the ghost of all the characters you've screwed up. You won't be writing anymore, Ron!"

And then a competent writer took over.

[cmahorror]

Since I know TPTB are going to screw this up, here are the first chapter of they way I think it should go. First time doing this so please let me know if you want to read more.

 

Chapter 1
He was furious. How could she do this, just throw away everything that they had for that bastard? Again it was about Jason.

 

He sat in their living room and a million memories surrounded him. Making love on that couch, pancake breakfasts at the table. The wedding pictures and family pictures scattered throughout the room. Was it all a lie? If not, why did she stay?

 

In some ways this was worse than when he thought she was dead. At least then he could believe that she loved him and wanted to be with him. But now, with the decision that she has made...

 

He kept going over their conversation over and over again.

 

“Patrick, please understand – I can’t leave, not now.” Her dark brown eyes were pleading with him.

“No, Robin I don’t understand. I need you. Emma needs you. After what your parents put you through, abandoning you time and time again, how could do this to her?” He was desperate to understand why she was refusing to come home with him.

“Do you think I want it to be like this? I just can’t leave.”

 

Something about that one question was nagging at him. He couldn’t explain it but he could almost swear she was trying to tell him something. He had heard her say that to him before, hadn’t he?

 

“If you don’t come home with me now, we’re done.  I can’t live like this – not knowing when you are coming home. Knowing that we will always come last. It’s not fair to me or Emma.”
“I know.” She was devastated, he could see it in her eyes but she still refused to leave. “I love you and Emma so much and I want nothing more than to come home with you but it just not possible today. I’m sorry.”
“I am too. Goodbye Robin.”
“Patrick, wait! Have you been tested lately?”
“What?” He couldn’t believe she was worried about an HIV test at this time.
“Have you?”
“Yes, last month. Clean bill of health.”
He saw a wave of relief wash over her. “Good, that’s just…good.”

 

Now that he was home and really thinking about what she said, Patrick kept going back to that one line: “Do you think I want it to be like this?”

 

It struck him like a lightning bolt and took his breath away – of course! When Robin was being held by Jerry Jax at Wyndamere and couldn’t tell him, she had said the same thing.

 

He grabbed his phone. “Anna, you need to come over here - right now!”

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Robin lay in bed, consumed with guilt and pain. She had wanted so much to tell Patrick the truth but Jerry would have killed him.

 

“This is the right decision, even if it is killing me, it is the right decision.”

 

Instinctively she began rubbing her slightly swollen belly. “I had to do it. I couldn’t protect your brother but I will protect you, your sister and your daddy, no matter what it takes.”

Edited August 2, 2014 by cmahorror

[testardo]

keep going Robin has mostly been a fav of mine. Except when she spouts the sonny mantra sonny is a good man.

[Rick Kitchen]

He opened his eyes.  The bright lights made him wince, and his head was throbbing in pain.  Pain that seemed to have consumed him for years.  Slowly, only moving his head as little as possible, he looked around.  He was in a hospital room.  He thought.  But it didn't look quite familiar.  What hospital was this?  Not General Hospital, surely?

 

There was a noise, and someone came in, wearing green scrubs with a mask over .. her (?) face.  She seemed to look familiar, but he didn't know why.

 

"Jason," she said.  "You're awake."

 

The voice was familiar, too.  "Robin?  Is that you?"

 

She pulled down her mask and smiled.  "Oh, my God, it's so good to see you.  Everybody back home will be overjoyed.  Carly, Sonny, your mom, Patrick.    Oh, yeah, and Sam, too.  Everybody has mourned you for so long."

 

He was confused.  "Who are those people?  And what do you mean about 'back home?'  Where are we?"

 

Robin hesitated.  "You were ... badly injured.  The WSB has had you here while I worked on you to make you better."

 

Jason laughed, and his head hurt some more.  "You worked on me?  You're a doctor now?"

 

She looked confused.  "I've been a doctor for a long time, now.  Have you forgotten things?"

 

"I don't think so.  The last thing I remember is jumping into AJ's car to stop him from driving drunk."

 

Robin was stunned.

 

"Jason, what is your name?"

 

"Why, Jason Quartermaine, of course."

[cmahorror]

Chapter 2
Patrick paced nervously back and forth in the living room. He was positive now – Robin was being held against her will. That’s why she said she couldn’t leave. That is why she didn’t come back after Gabriel died. God, how could he have been so wrong.

 

Suddenly there was a pounding at his front door. Throwing it open he started to greet his mother-in-law only to see someone completely unexpected.

 

“Jason!”

 

“We have to go Patrick, we have to go now!

 

“Wait, where is Robin? Jason, where is she?”

 

“She’s still there.”

 

“They still have her? How could you leave her behind?”

 

“I couldn’t get to her, you have to believe me, I tried but I couldn’t…” Jason looked half dead and frantic with worry over Robin. “She saved me and I couldn’t save her. They still have her and if we don’t move quickly, I am afraid that they will move her.”

 

“Anna is on her way. I’m done protecting Victor and the WSB. I just want my wife back.”

 

Anna, as if on cue, suddenly appeared in the doorway. “What about the WSB?”

 

Patrick gave a sigh of relief – help was here.

_________________________________________________________________________

Anna was in shock over what she heard. Victor Cassadine was in charge of the WSB and had essentially kidnapped her daughter. “Damn them! I am going to call in every contact and favor I have. Someone has to be able to help us.“

 

Jason spoke up. “I’ll call up Sonny. I’m sure between all of our contacts we will find her.”

 

Patrick had always hated that part of Robin’s past – Sonny and Jason. More than once she had been put in danger because of them and their mob ties. Now, he was grateful for it. He really did not care how; he just needed to get Robin home.

 

Patrick looked at Jason. “Is she ok?”

 

Jason looked at Robin’s husband and smiled. Patrick loved her beyond any reason and Robin deserved that. In that moment Jason wished he could have given her that.

 

“Patrick, you should know that she blames herself for Gabriel’s death.”

 

Patrick and Anna were both shocked at this news. Anna was the first to react, “What, why would she think that? Rafe was responsible to that accident, probably high on drugs. Robin had nothing to do with that.”

 

“But she doesn’t know that. Robin tried to escape, many times. But Victor and Jerry...”

 

Patrick exploded,” WHAT, Jerry as in Jerry Jax? Of course, he seems almost obsessed with her.”

 

Anna shook her head sadly. “He has become her Faison.”

 

Jason continued “The last time she tried to escape Victor told her there would be a price to pay. The next night your car was run off the road. Victor told her that he was behind it. That was enough to keep her in line. Victor has led her to believe that she is the reason your son is dead.”

 

Patrick’s heart dropped into his stomach. My God, she must be torturing herself over this. He thought of his sweet, beautiful, giving wife, a woman who would do anything to protect the ones she loves thinking that her actions caused the death of a child. Not just any child, Patrick’s son. They would pay for what they have put her through. Somehow, someway they would pay.

Edited July 29, 2014 by cmahorror

[cmahorror]

Chapter 3

 

Robin stared at her notes and tried to keep up her concentration. It wasn’t easy, her and Patrick’s little boy was kicking up a storm tonight. She smilingly rubbed her belly in the dim hope of getting him to settle down.

 

“Come on, this always works on your daddy.”

 

“It would certainly work on me.”

 

Robin stiffened up immediately. Over the past 6 months she had realized that she now had her own version of Cesar Faison and it frightened her beyond belief. Jerry had always been creepy but lately he had taken it to another level. He took any chance he could to touch her and invade her personal space. He even once tried to touch her pregnant belly. That little move had resulted in her breaking his wrist. He had also taken to calling her his little bird. She felt sick to her stomach every time he said it.

 

“How goes the research my little bird?”

 

“Please, I am already nauseous, don’t make it worse.”

 

Jerry smiled. That was exactly why he loved the dear Dr. Scorpio-Drake. That fire, that spirit. She was beautiful and willful. She was also very protective of the people she loved which made getting her to do his bidding so much easier.

 

“I am working as fast as I can. Believe me; I want out of here as soon as possible. I want to go home to my husband and my daughter so we can be a family again.”

 

“But can you? I mean, once Patty boy finds out that you are responsible for his beloved son’s death, do you really think he will be able to forgive you?”

 

Robin’s heart broke when he said that. Knowing that she was the cause of Gabriel’s death and the pain Patrick and Emma went through was killing her. She had wanted to be with them after the accident when Gabriel was in the hospital and at the funeral  after he died but she couldn’t risk something happening the Patrick or Emma. Tears welled in her eyes.

 

“You son of a bitch”.

 

“Now, now – I thought you liked my mother. Don’t worry my little bird, I will be here for you after you beloved Patrick leaves you. You will never be alone as long as I’m alive.”

 

That thought chilled Robin right to the bone.

Edited July 29, 2014 by cmahorror

[SlovakPrincess]

[Robin is speeding down the road in a car, with a disoriented Jason in the passenger seat.]

 

Jason:  Are we going to the hospital?   I mean, I'm Jason Quartermaine, so by now I must be the best doctor there, right?  Am I chief of staff?

 

Robin:  There's a lot you won't remember right away, Jason.

 

Jason: Wait!  I'm getting a memory ... a short, angry man with dark hair.  Yelling, throwing things - he wants me to shoot someone ...  Wait, what?  I wouldn't kill someone!

 

Robin:  Oh, dear.  Maybe you'd better take it easy, Jason.

 

Jason: None of this makes sense!  [Hits his head in frustration].

 

Robin: Dammit, Jason!  Be careful!  So help me if I have to fix your brain, again!  [sighs].  Look, I'm sorry.  I've just been through a lot lately.

 

Jason:  I'm sorry, Robin -- wait, now I'm remembering ... a loud, blonde woman?  She keeps telling me to do things for her?

 

Robin:  I wish I could help you with your memories, Jason, but I have to drop you at home now.  I have to warn my mom right away - once I unfroze Helena, she started talking about a plot to feed poison through the air vents of the PCPD!  The officers have been breathing a steadily increasing dose of this stuff for years - they're losing their ability to think!

 

[They arrive at Sam's home.  Robin and Jason burst in ... and find Sam and Patrick kissing on the couch].

 

Robin:  Patrick, what the hell?!

 

Sam:  Jason!!  Oh my God!!  Jason?!

 

Jason: I'm so confused ...

 

[Robin crosses the room and slaps Patrick.]

 

Robin: You knew I was coming back!

 

Patrick:  Ok, but I told you to forget Jason and come back months ago.  I mean, I couldn't wait forever.  I haven't had sex in four whole months!

 

Sam: [turns to Patrick]  You knew about Jason?!   [Slaps Patrick.]

 

Robin: And why are you kissing my husband?

 

Sam:  He said you guys were divorcing!

 

Robin: Well, that's news to me!  Dammit, Patrick, you knew I had no real choice!

 

[Robin slaps Patrick.  Sam waits her turn, then slaps Patrick.]

 

Jason: Now I'm remembering ... black t-shirts.  So many black t-shirts ... 

 

[Sam goes over to Jason, hesitates, then hugs him as he looks confused.]

 

Patrick:  Look, Robin ...

 

Robin:  Oh, the hell with you!  You want a divorce, you weak-willed nothing of a man, you got one!  Now, where is my daughter?!

 

Patrick:  With your mom - who agrees with me, by the way!  About how I'm the wronged party here!

 

Robin: Oh, for God's sake, Patrick, my mother doesn't know what she's saying right now.  She's losing her mind from breathing Helena Cassadine's poison all damn day!  Which reminds me - I have to go warn her, and save the PCPD! 

 

[Robin exits, slamming the door behind her. Patrick just stands there looking stunned ... while Sam "meets" Jason Quartermaine.

And ... on the next episode, Anna and Robin work together to find the source of the poison gas making the PCPD so damn stupid.]

 

(If you're reading this, GH writers, feel free to steal it.  No, really.  Use it and take all the credit, with my blessing.)

Edited August 4, 2014 by SlovakPrincess

[rur]

SlovakPrincess, nicely done. And you moved the plot further forward in this installment than some writers have in the last three months.

[ulkis]

Finally, Nathan and Dante had caught up to Levi and the fake immigration agent.

 

"Let go of the girls, assholes," ordered Dante.

 

"Yeah, let go of them," echoed Nathan, briefly turning his head to the side.

 

"What is that, mate?" asked Levi. "I mean. dude. What is that, dude?"

 

"What's what?" said Nathan. He looked off to the other side. "Don't try to distract me!"

 

"Why would I need to, something is already distracting you!" said Levi.

 

"Nothing is distracting me from rescuing those girls!" Nathan cried, looking up.

 

"Except for whatever's on the ceiling!" said Levi.

 

"Nothing's on the ceiling!" said Nathan.

 

"That's his fucking point!" said Dante, frustrated. "What the hell are you looking at! What!"

 

"Oh, I'm just checking for the perimeter," said Nathan. "It's what a cop should do."

 

"ALL THE TIME?!" Dante shouted. "Even when you're about to get into the locker room toilet stall??"

 

"Yes," said Nathan, confused. Perhaps Dante wasn't as vigilant as he though. Few were. Nathan sighed. He would just have to carry on, alone.

[ulkis]

Because I had to follow up on this 

 

If Nik and Sonny were locked in a room together, how long would it take for them to resist having sex? 

 

 

(The scene: an elevator. The time: let's be generous and say Nikolas and Sonny have managed to go 12 hours without sex.)

Sonny: Sooo . . . you know . . . the Cassadines . . . are you guys, you know, mumblemumble

Nikolas: What was that? I didn't hear you Sonny

Sonny: You know . . . open . . . to things. That people don't usually do. I don't, at least. But you know. We've been here for a long time.

Nikolas: Sonny, are you propositioning me?

Sonny: Yeah, I'm, I'm, you know, that. That's a good word for it. Subtle. Gonna use that next time. Not. Not that there's gonna be. I mean I hope not. 

Nikolas: You expect me to sleep with a man who stole the love of my life from me?

Sonny: . . . . yeah.

Nikolas: Alright, fine. But I'll probably be bored the entire time.

Sonny: Alright, now we just gotta settle . . . you know, who's on -

Nikolas: [sighs in irritation] I'm too lazy to put an effort in this, so it can be you.

Sonny: oh, good, good, I thought we were gonna have to toss a coin

[a little while later]

Sonny: It was like, you know, not bad . . . different, a little weird, like pasta tasting funny cause it was boiled too long, but . . . hey. gotta do what you gotta do, right? Right? Nikolas?

[He looks to the side. Nikolas has fallen asleep]

[SlovakPrincess]

Hee hee ulkis. Throw in Patrick and Carly and it would be the world's most annoying orgy, performed by some of the most entitled, most devoid of self-control people in PC!

[cmahorror]

Sorry guys, things have been crazy.

 

Chapter 4
Six months. It had been six long months since Jason had come back. Six months since he or Emma had heard a single word from Robin. It was torturing him, not knowing if she was ok. Was she getting her medication? Was she healthy? Were they treating her well?

 

Did she know he was looking for her? This isn’t like before – he knew she was alive and would stop at nothing to get her back. He wasn’t alone either. Jason, Sam and Anna had been with him every step of the way.  Jason was taking off following any little lead that came up. Sam was doing research with Spinelli and helped out with Emma. Anna was constantly in contact with former and current WSB agents and brought them one of the most important leads they had. Victor was no longer head of the WSB. He had a brief tenure but once he got Robin he resigned and went into hiding.

 

Patrick’s phone suddenly rang. “Jason?”

 

“I think we found her.” Sam had gone with Jason on this trip to the tropics, following up on a lead Sonny had received.

 

Patrick took down the information and called Nikolas to get his jet ready to go. From the moment Nikolas heard what Victor had done he had offered Patrick anything he needed to find Robin. Next, he called Anna and told her he would meet her at the plane in an hour. Finally, he called Liz and asked her to take Emma for a few days.

 

An hour later, after dropping off his little girl, he and Anna sat on the tarmac ready to take off. He kissed his wedding ring and looked at a picture of Robin and Emma. “You’re coming home. You are coming home and I will never lose you again.”

Edited August 23, 2014 by cmahorror

[ulkis]

I saved our day of making up song titles in GH: the musical at twop. YOU'RE WELCOME EVERYONE:

I heard Guza is working on a Broadway play "My Crystal Throwing Jazzhands". It's the story of a mobster who gets mad and throws things then breaks into song and dance where he expresses his emotions with words and his magical hands of Jazz.
*
Some songs in development "Bitch Deserved to Get Choked", "Why Doesn't Blinky Love Me That Way?", "You Made Me Shoot You, Now Give Me a Hug" and "Gummy Bear Rap".
*
You forgot "I Wouldn't Have Shot You If I'd Known We Were Related!"
*
also, "Too Good to be True, Too Big to Carry Upstairs" AKA "Emily's Song"
*
I want this musical for real now. I'm imagining a big number where there's an explosion on stage and Sonny drops to his knees and opera-sings Li-leeeee while back-up dancers do a mournful ballet.
*
And that all-time favorite, "It's Not My Fault/Don't Blame Me."
*
This one is directly followed by "Blame Deke" (perhaps to the tune of "Blame Canada").
*
This musical is just a contemporary adaptation of "'Tis Pity She's A (Faithless) Whore."
*
Betrayal,
I've just been accused of betrayal.
And suddenly that man
I used to understand hates me.

Betrayal,
I've just been besieged by betrayal.
And now I come to find
Our love was just a fantasy.

Betrayal,
Say it loud and there's music playing
Say it soft and it's almost like praying.
Betrayal, he just can't stop saying betrayal.

(Forgive me, Leonard Bernstein)
*
My Baby's Got A Secret, But It's Not My Secret To Tell.
*
Can we also get a "No Service!" number from Nik in this musical?

In my head, that goes with "It's a Fine Life" from Oliver: "No Service, No service, the bomb's ready to explode"...
*
How 'bout a soaring rendition of 'Love is Better the Second Shot Around'?????
*
I think "Bullet of Love" should be the power ballad. "Stuff Me in a Tree" can be the lighthearted dance number.
*
I had a bullet of love
It was the one that you pointed at me
I got a bullet of love
During your baby's delivery

To the tune of Mariah Carey's "Vision of Love".
*
I want all of Sonny's baby mamas (alive or dead) to do a number warning the rest of the women of PC.

"Don't Stand So Close To Him (Because You'll Get Pregnant)."
*
Is there room for a steppy piano piece played Jerry Lee Lewis style; Goodness Gracious, Great Toxic Balls of Fire? Dead!Flashlight!Logan could tickle the horse teeth.
*
Let us not forget Emily's stirring ballad, "Nine months."
*
The Carly number could be with all four Carly's and the song could be 'Shrieking Harpy Blues' She could also guest star with a returned Lorenzo and Sonny singing 'I shot at Lorenzo, but I shot Carly in the head instead while she had my baby.'

Jason of course will perform his hit - 'Box of Pain' (think King of Pain)
*
Ooh I've got a Sam song... "Shot Through the Uterus" (to the tune of Bon Jovi's "Shot Through The Heart" of course)
*
Rah, rah, rah-rah-rah,
Rama, ra-ma-ma
Gah, gah, oh-la-la
I got no service!
(To the tune of Lady Gaga's Bad Romance)
*
This is the one I want done to Cell Block Tango. Can't you just see Tamara Braun shrieking "I married him all right. I married him TEN TIMES!!"

Crash! Whore! Betrayal! Michael! Bullets! Five families! Amnesia! Divorce! Comas! Limosex!

 

 

Also MsChicklet's brilliant Sonny version of Pina Colada:

If you like dodging the barware

And getting left in the rain

If you're not into respect

I'll shoot you in the brain

If you can handle demon hellspawn

And a she-beast ex-wife

You're the whore that I've looked for

Let me ruin your life

[OnceSane]

 

If you like dodging the barware

    And getting left in the rain

    If you're not into respect

    I'll shoot you in the brain

    If you can handle demon hellspawn

    And a she-beast ex-wife

    You're the whore that I've looked for

    Let me ruin your life

 

This may be the best thing ever.