Mondrianyone

I kept making mental notes of all the obnoxious things in tonight's episode, and now I've forgotten almost every one of them (that's how many there were!). I do remember thinking that Candiace's mother paid a small fortune to give Candiace a chance to audition as a singer on TV one more time, except now a whole song and one where nobody could tell her to shut up, 'cause she was the bride. (It was a really bad song, too. I could've written her a better one.) I wonder how disappointed she was to hear Chris's moronic vows. Robyn and Juan really are meant for each other. And not in a smart way. What's supposed to look like protectiveness in Chris Samuels to me looks increasingly menacing and possessive. Oh, yeah, were those shoulder pads the dress person stuck in Candiace's top? They didn't really look like those silicone "chicken cutlets" you normally see. Boobage was embarrassingly cock-eyed. An easy fix, but no one bothered.

Good find! But am I nuts or is everyone still pretending that Sonja is a fashion designer? (Not necessarily an either/or question!) Doesn't calling a collection of clothes someone's "line" strongly imply that that person at least had a hand in deciding what the clothes look like and arranging for them to be manufactured? All she does is find cheap garments already made in China and for sale elsewhere and then mark them up a few hundred percent--or more--to sell on her site. That lace cover-up I found on eBay was selling there for 6 bucks, and she was charging like 10 times that much. I wonder if she even bothers to rip out the old label to replace it with her own. Maybe that accounts for the extreme markups.

Teddi says a lot of things.

He could just as easily have rented it for the purposes of the camping trip and had it vinyl-wrapped with his logo and graphics. Compared to the value of the "free" advertising he'd get on the show, that'd be a pretty small investment.

Sometimes the unintentional (?) humor on this show is the funniest of all. I just remembered them flashing a brief shot of Karen's fragrance billboard, supposedly in Times Square, but I couldn't tell what building was underneath it. So I just went to the Bravo site, and the location of the billboard really does say it all: I'm gonna go with "Not." (I haven't been to Ripley's in a really long time, but anyone planning a trip to NYC should drop by. A few of the Housewives might end up as exhibits someday.)

Okay, so you had me Googling the 12 Steps to try to figure out what the 13th could be. 12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs. At first I guessed that it might be what comes after "all our affairs." Marriage? Divorce? More affairs? But none of those strike a chord. Now I just think the 13th Step is something like the cha-cha. Or maybe more likely in Lu's case the hustle. 🍸

Hadn't heard that. I was actually trying to say that Charlie Sheen is a big dick, not necessarily that he has one. That I know of.

Denise seems to have gone from one big dick to another big dick. Apparently she has a type.

It's really hard to believe that Mama Candy-Ass is a psychologist! God help her patients. Lady, that man cheated on you and then you married him. And had another baby with him, seven or eight years later. You are far too fucked up to be responsible for the mental health of paying clients. And possessives have 's after them. Sounds very trashy for someone with an advanced degree to talk like that. I want to have the tissue concession at Candy's wedding. And everywhere else she goes. Not that they ever get wet with actual tears. But still . . .

Very easy to make it yourself. The first time I tried, I was leery, but it works great.

I do understand a little about how cops work, since both my mother's brothers were NYPD. But we know that they said Matt was a gambler, and it turned out he was a gambler. Brother supplied them with that piece of info, whether the cops exaggerated it or not. If my family member (including my mother, for God's sake!) were in the kind of trouble Matt was in, I wouldn't tell the cops anything at all negative that could bolster his link to the crime. I found myself wondering if there was some kind of sibling issue that would make the brother want to be "helpful" in a way that was anything but.

I wonder if Matt still has any relationship with his brother and nephew. And if his mother does as well. I've cut people out of my life for a lot less than that. Thanks for all your help. Now go walk off a bridge.

Maybe when that passes through her mental cabaret-star filter, she hears it as "She's Thelonious Monk," and it reminds her what a musical genius she is. I have a feeling that filter is working overtime these days.

I love the Can't Sing for Shit Tour idea! We're also forgetting fully half the cast of Potomac: Candiace Dillard, who spent her whole first season trying to audition; Monique Samuels, the drunk mommy rapper; and Ashley Darby, singing for her husband's heart. What a truckload of talent.

Thanks, @biakbiak--that interview video is hilarious! After this episode aired, I Googled Hunt Slonem, because I'd never heard of him. I loved the slide show of vignettes in his studio. He must be doing extremely well--here's the page of homes he supposedly owns. It's a miracle he's able to manage all this, even with help.

So funny--I just saw a commercial on Food Network for a phone game called Toon Blast with Ryan Reynolds and Brett the bodybuilder from last season. Brett is playing Ryan's stand-in/body double (that's the joke, how much they look alike) on some film. He did a good job. I guess he managed to finesse his time on Worst Cooks into an actual paying gig. Thumbs-up to him! He was robbed on the show anyway, and he seemed like a very nice guy.

Holy shit for sure. I can believe Harding said that, because apparently she thinks she never did anything wrong. What I can't believe is that the showrunners thought it was something that was worthy of making it to air. Shame on them. Usually when a "celebrity" has a downfall and then some kind of redemption tour, it's because that person is considered to have a talent that deserves to be revived, or is funny, or smart, or expresses some kind of contrition--or is just attractive enough that people might want to see him or her again. None of those is the case here. I don't know what Harding has to offer, so the sooner she's gone, the better. Why she was cast in the first place . . .

Thank you all for the answers. I didn't know about the boyfriend abusing her. But it's good she was believed when she spoke up.

This is a legit question: When was she violently abused? Do you mean in her marriage? I know it was an awful marriage in the last few years of it, but I wasn't aware she was the victim of physical violence. Or do you mean when she was (allegedly) hooking in the Middle East? If this really happened to her, I'd be interested to know in what context. And of course if she spoke up about it at the time. I might've missed when she talked about this on the show.

I think they were supposed to be smoking jackets. Not the wardrobe department's most shining moment.

You can definitely have them airbrushed on, and that's exactly what I was coming here to wonder out loud about. That's how they look to me, even though the rest of him is exceptionally fine. I guess I'm a bad person for suspecting. 😈 If that parrot really liked Bethenny, he'd put a band on it. (Obscure ornithology joke.) Or maybe he's polly-amorous. I will fly away now.

Either her or Melania T.

We're gonna need a bigger hammer. (Fortunately, I'm sure Barb has one.)

Me too. We already know what a great judge of character Denise is (Charlie Sheen), but she just confirmed it beyond a shadow of a doubt tonight. It's hard not to love Lois, but that plate in her head could account for the type of daughter she raised.

I really do hope that Lisa comes armed with receipts. If she could get security video of the "reality star" dropping off the dog at the shelter instead of the "lovely home," that would be best of all. But an iPad with video of Dorit being chased around the pool for the money she owes would be great, too. And everybody has access to that one. Pretty much everything she needs to go out with a bang instead of a whimper is in the public domain. I'll be very disappointed if she doesn't use it. Nothing wrong with getting your hands dirty. They're washable.