LibertarianSlut

This is a great point about newlyweds. Not to get too biographical, but if I had realized that at the time I got married, it would have saved me a lot of confusion. My mother-in-law seems to have this attitude that since she and I took the last name of the family, we are there as honored guests, and it is a privilege to be included in their family’s traditions. 🤮 This is why my husband and I are spending a nice, cozy Thanksgiving with just our immediate family! That’s a great question whether it’s a sign of respect. I actually find it rather condescending. Kids calling people “mister and misses,” sure, because there is a hierarchy between kids and adults. But if I’m grown, why should I defer to someone 15 years older than me, but not 14? And how do I know their ages for a fact? Do I just call the people who look 15 years older than me “misses,” only to find out this is a woman who’s had a hard life and is my age? Awk-ward! I give respect based on merit, not how long someone has managed to stay alive on this planet. I guess I work in a strange field—the highest degree in my field is a JD—once you get that, you can practice any kind of law, you can teach law, you can argue before the US Supreme Court, so I’m not about to walk into my office and call my peers—even if they are 80–“Mister” unless they want to call me “misses.” I’ve been on the earth less than half the amount of time as some of my colleagues, yet I’m licensed to practice law in twice as many states as them...if anything, isn’t there an argument they should address me with reverence? (Not that I’d ever push for this, or want it, but it’s just a way to analogize how ridiculous the whole thing is to me). To bring it back to the show, not that it looks like these two will be exchanging vows anytime soon, but it just goes to show that they didn’t put thought into any of this. And they’re not young either (wonder if Chase still thinks he’s too young to have a baby 🤣😅😂). I think Chase or Cody or whatever the hell his name is, is a wily, no-good trickster of a man, but I don’t think he was wrong to call Glen “Glen” when they met. I just think it’s a slippery slope if you start off with “Mr Thore” and he never corrects you. So...20 years from now, if they’ve got kids and Chase is middle aged with grey hair his damned self, he is calling Glen and Babs “Mr and Mrs Thore”? Super strange to me, but to each his own. And, let’s face it, the titles/honorifics would be the least of their problems, had this train-wreck pulled into the station.

Nailed it! This is like a poor man’s version of Melbourne, because those bitches were (are? I haven’t watched the show since Bravo last aired it in ‘16) so rich. But it’s like the Melbourne from hell, because we have Jen who is exactly like Pettifleur, but there’s no Gina, Chyka, or even a Gamble, just Pettifleur and a bunch of versions of Lydia. Damn, at this point in the game, I’d even take a Janet or a Jackie. This is random, but I find topless men with bow ties serving drinks at parties to be perhaps one of the tackiest, most pretentious things ever, so just one more reason to disapprove of Jen. To bring yet another Housewives franchise into this, that was right out of the Real Housewives of Cheshire playbook. I don’t think I will run out of reasons to dislike Jen.

Someone slap me, because I’m actually warming to Austen. I love him coming up with MARI—mysterious alcohol related incident. Craig gets a lot of those, doesn’t he? Bless his heart. Shep is only 40???? To me, Craig is 38 and Shep is 48, even though they’re much younger than that. Come to think of it, everyone on this show looks a little...seasoned. The men and the women. Madison is 31 now, which means she was like 30 when this filmed? She looks at least 35. These people gotta stay out of the sun or something. I don’t really get the Charleston architecture on this show. Everyone’s home looks so average from the outside, but very new and nice on the inside. Cameran’s home was the only exception, which legit looked like a multi-million dollar property, though I heard somewhere that wasn’t the actual outside of her house. Oh well, she’s off the show, so I guess it doesn’t matter. Thomas and Eliza, both of whom I think had properties in Aiken, had great land, but they’re off the show too, so there goes the nice property. Was I supposed to be impressed by John Pringle’s home or something? I’m not entirely sure why I’m supposed to care about John and his mush-mouth, so I’m damned befuddled why I should care about his kids...over FaceTime! I guess I have to reluctantly accept that he’s a new cast member, but Austen, Naomie and Chelsea were new cast members once upon a time too, and their entrees onto this show felt so much more organic. John looked positively genetically related to his brother-in-law, which contributes to my theory about their family tree... Good job Leva, talking with the phone in hand while driving over a bridge in the rain. She’s another new cast member I don’t entirely get. I didn’t think her dress code for the party was easy to understand, but I got the distinct impression that anyone who didn’t get it right would have been schooled. Whoever said in last week’s thread that they’re not here to be schooled by Leva, high five. Why couldn’t they have casted her pretty sister, Mona, instead? From the one second we’ve seen her, I like Mona more. This show could use a medical doctor who is not a dick like Metul. I don’t find Leva interesting, yet I get the impression she thinks she’s interesting AF. Call me old-fashioned, but I liked how the men ordered for the ladies on the Shep-Taylor-Austen-Madison double date. That’s chivalrous. Shep telling Taylor “we’re together” as a way to make her his girlfriend is so fucking weird, controlling, chauvinistic and clueless. Is Shep eight years old? Why doesn’t he just pull on her pigtails in the schoolyard to tell her he likes her? All I know about Taylor is that she lied about her profession, and I still think Shep doesn’t deserve her. I can’t help it; Kathryn makes me laugh. I’m not laughing with her as much as I’m laughing at her. She is just like this giant evil Disney princess who is completely unpredictable and insane, and I look forward to what she’s going to do/say next. I know I am beating this to death, but I can’t overstate how odd and uncharming I find John. When he was trying to pick up those girls, he was speaking down into his beard, like he had just descended into the lowlands from the mountains for the first time in his life. Shep is a prince compared to him. Whitney is a Casanova. I couldn’t discern exactly what John was man-mumbling at his sister’s house, but I think he said he doesn’t believe in relationships, he just believes in falling in love and getting a woman pregnant or something. Splendid. Dude. Put a fucking shirt on. Kathryn heard that Thomas was seen at an OB-GYN with a girl that is showing! This is why I love this show!! The only thing surprising about Thomas having gotten another girl pregnant is that this means that he doesn’t have various and sundry venereal diseases rendering him sterile. Kathryn doesn’t have too much to be worried about—if there was enough Ravenel cash to build a freaking bridge, I’m sure there’s enough to support her kids for the next fifteen years or so. She had to know Thomas was never going to actually marry her. If he was going to marry her, it would have happened when she got pregnant with Kensie, or it was never going to happen. Definitely by the time Ashley came around, the Kathryn-Thomas thing was DOA. And it’s not like Kathryn hasn’t had her share of boyfriends. Come to think of it, there is something surprising about this, and that is that Kathryn has managed to abstain from procreating with a rando longer than Thomas has.

I agree with this 100%; you’re spot-on about how Jen was waiting for a Housewife show. I too find her unpalatable, not unlike Leah. Good comparison. Jen is not head bitch in charge of this show. If anyone is, at this point, it’s Heather. Jen wants it too much that it’s off-putting. After having had almost 24 hours to digest this and watching WWHL, I decided that I despise Jen. Nothing she can do is going to get me to change my mind about that. (Technically, if Jen were to do an entire personality transplant and get her ass beat onscreen by another cast member like Candiace over on Potomac, I could theoretically feel sympathy for her and start accepting her, which is the way I feel about Candiace, but anything short of that, Jen is dead to me). These women are aggressively stupid, but it’s not obvious, which is a strange combination. On WWHL, Andy asked Meredith what she thought about Jen throwing a party for her that was more for Jen, and Meredith said that she wasn’t going to “kick” a gift horse in the mouth, which is a malapropism, but it was a well-meant statement, and Jen started going right in on Meredith, reading her...when Meredith was trying to be nice. Meredith also fumbled a really easy question about her son’s impression of the show, as if she was being asked to solve for cold fusion or something. Lisa, whom I said I liked, had a scarily hard time following Andy’s game of “agree or disagree” (actually, they all did), and she said she “loves” Bethenny Frankel, so I’m going to have to go back and rethink that one. Mary didn’t seem lucid. Whitney, I’m not liking her as much as I thought I did. She also seemed to have a really difficult time rendering an opinion on basic shit. Also, she’s not as pretty as I thought I was. I think the footage of this show is about two years old, because it was announced forever ago, and I don’t think she’s aged well in the intervening years. Meredith and Lisa—even if their personalities are questionable—are both over a decade older than Whitney, and that’s hard to believe. They all look the same age to me—late thirties—when Whitney is early thirties and the other two are mid-late forties. Exactly! I think Bravo should start airing new shows at 8, especially if they’re doing a “double feature.” Their stuff is just not that good that we should have to wait hours for it. On nights when I have a Bravo show on, my husband and I like to watch a movie afterward. It’s my way of apologizing for making him watch this shit with me. Now Bravo just went and blew that whole equation. Thanks, Bravo. And don’t even get me started about how they are now promoting After Shows in addition to WWHL, which is the after show. Do they think they’re offering Masterpiece Theatre over here, or a bunch of super-cheap-to-produce shows about women with more Botox than brains?

I’m just quoting all of this, because you made really good points. My favorite economist, Thomas Sowell, says that sometimes we only realize why we had laws in the first place when we repeal them and all hell breaks loose. So I take your point that throwing out this piece of tradition—whilst keeping the traditions that are convenient—can be like throwing the baby out with the bath water. I decided to write about it for a similar reason I decided to write about Buddy messing the ninth step up with the eighth step—I’m pedantic about language, so while I find asking for a blessing to be completely fine and respectful (especially in the scenario you outlined above), Chase specifically said “permission,” which was my objection. And my main objection to “asking” permission isn’t even the property argument that I made up thread. That’s my secondary argument. My main argument is that it’s super poor form to ask permission for something one fully intends to do anyway. That is why a blessing vs. permission are two completely different animals to me. This all reminds me of that song Marry That Girl, where the guy doesn’t get permission from his girlfriend’s dad to marry his daughter, and the whole point of the song is that he’s going to “marry her anyway.” Like...why did you ask, then? (And I am actually fond of that song; I just think the protagonist’s point is kinda silly). It’s as if I applied to a college, got rejected, and then sued to get in. This is all an academic exercise, as we know it’s not real, but I find the discussion interesting, sort of like the discussion we had last season as to what extent Chase’s parents had a right to weigh in on his love life/future grandchildren, even though we all sort of suspected it was fake then too. I remember last season we also had the discussion about whether it was weird for Chase to call Glen by his first name, and my opinion on that is that two adults should either call each other “Mister Thore and Mister Severino” or they should be on a first name basis. Chase is an adult, so I have no idea why he would have to address Glen formally, when Glen gets to call Chase by his (fake) first name. I guess my entire point is that I think traditions are important, and society is walking a dangerous line when we start to throw them out willy nilly, but it’s also important to examine everything we do. I only follow traditions I understand and endorse, but I take the time to try to understand something that might ring incorrect to me at first glance. If Chase had just been precise in his language, I wouldn’t have raised an objection. I don’t think Chase is very smart. Now this is my unpopular opinion: I think Whitney dodged a bullet. No self-respecting man holds himself out as engaged publicly and then gets another woman pregnant publicly. Either you get your paycheck and play dutiful fiancé or you follow you dreams and marry another female and procreate with her. To do both at the same time makes him...a cad (I could say worse, but I’ll keep it rated G).

Sorry, I know you said not to quote you, but the same thought went through my mind as well, except I couldn’t shake the conversation that Kelly had with Vicki in the mud hut at the day spa when Kelly first joined the show, when Kelly told Vicki that she “tried” to divorce Michael, but it didn’t stick, because Michael refused to cooperate and he was a sociopath, so I did some digging... Turns out Kelly was married to a lawyer when she was in her twenties, before Michael, according to her, on the Bravo website. I find this so interesting, because Kelly was adamant that she was self-made and she bought and sold millions of dollars of properties on her own, which was her argument as to why she was superior to Vicki in season 13 and her argument as to why Kelly was a more accomplished person than Gina in season 14. It’s not proof-positive, but if one is married to an attorney at the time they buy and sell properties, Occam’s Razor says he was assisting her. So, here she is, caught in another lie about being self made (and, damn, was she high and mighty about it). I’m not calling Kelly a psychopath, but there are disorganized psychopaths and organized psychopaths, and Kelly reminds me of a disorganized psychopath. She just says whatever comes into her mind, and that’s dangerous. It’s the same as with the cocaine thing—Kelly was so adamant that she had never ever done cocaine at the season 13 reunion, only to bring up the topic on her own in season 14, and say that she had done drugs when she was younger, but not anymore (and she wasn’t talking about pot, because she admitted to pot from the jump). Just...tell the truth, or at least don’t lie. Because there are OCD people like me clocking everything they say and storing it for future use and when the red flags go off, her character for truthfulness—which wasn’t really there to begin with—goes down the tubes.

Ok, I’m going to take a swing at this, because it’s kind of exciting and we haven’t had a new franchise in so long, but my first impressions are shite, so next week, everything I say will probably be the exact opposite: I dig it, so far. It’s something new, like a hybrid of Real Housewives of New Jersey and Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Pluses are that everyone seems to have money. I don’t know who is supposed to be the center of the franchise—Jen or Meredith—but I hope it’s not Jen, because I don’t like her. Maybe she just got too much camera time in the first episode, but I don’t think she’s pretty, I think she’s insecure (not in a fun way), and I think she thinks she’s better than she is. She is converting to Islam because Mormonism is too intolerant. That’s an interesting perspective. Heather seems like she thinks she’s the center of it all, but she’s not. I had to laugh, though, like I literally laughed out loud when she went on a tear to Jen about Lisa, saying that Lisa pulling up her shirt in response to whether she knew Heather at BYU means that Heather was a slut, and Heather was actually perfect at BYU, she signed the honor code and everything, and what does she have to show for it now, she’s divorced—she wishes she had shown her tits at BYU. And the whole Jennifer Lopez/Mariah Carey “she doesn’t know me???” was a brand of insecure I do find refreshing. All I can see when I see Heather is Stifler’s mom aka the nail lady from Legally Blonde. That’s a hell of a lot of procedures, but if she likes it, I love it. Meredith seems really pretty. If she actually is 45 and she wasn’t joking, I’ll have what she’s having please. She looks a bit like Kyle from RHBH. Her son is going to get on my nerves though; he’s already on my nerves. If she’s a little standoffish...so what? There are already a bunch of big personalities on here. I liked Lisa, perhaps the best. This is going to sound out of left field, but she reminds me a little of Jules from RHNYC. It’s probably the New York accent. I think Lisa is really pretty, I like that she said she would never make a grand entrance at a party that wasn’t for her (ahem, Jen) and that she is going to dress like she’s in New York no matter what the zip code. I also like that she is unapologetic that she doesn’t cook or make breakfast for her kids. Too many of these housewives are consumed by their kids in my opinion. Someone—I think it was Heather—took a dig at Lisa and said she sells tequila that she doesn’t drink. Does that mean that Lisa doesn’t drink? I noticed Mary didn’t drink in the episode. I would love to see women on these franchises who don’t drink—not women getting sober or women who are in recovery, but women who don’t drink as a lifestyle choice. That would actually be something novel. I liked Mary, what can I say? Yeah, it’s weird that she is married to her step-grandpa, but at least it’s step. I liked that she didn’t cuss or drink and she was into labels. I laughed out loud again at the “smells like hospital” fight, but I noticed that Mary had gumption at Jen’s party when that RHNJ Kim D look-alike walked up to Jen and Mary fighting about the hospital, and Mary was kind of like, “I said it. What do you want me to do? You can go away.” A lot of these women have brass balls in their talking heads, but make nice-nice at least in the first couple of episodes, and this one didn’t, and that stood out to me in a positive way. Whitney—the jury’s still out on her. She’s very pretty. She didn’t get a lot of camera time, so I don’t know whether to make heads or tails of her yet, but I guess I respect that she did what she believed in with regard to her life. I think there is another cast member, but I haven’t watched WWHL yet, because an hour and 15 minutes of these women on the first night was a lot. I’m excited for this, though! What I think was possibly the most interesting conflict was Heather thinking Lisa is dismissing her because she’s not a good Mormon, is divorced or doesn’t fit the mold. What I thought was the least interesting was so much Jen and her assistants 1-99 making a party and going into details about how the wood was going to be covered by curtains and blah, blah, blah for what felt like 2/3 of the episode. It’s better than most of the rest of what Bravo has going on. And, yes, I remember Blow Out, and how horrified everyone was with the graduated bob!

Exactly. They always flash back to season nine Lizzie, who called Tamra crap, told Tamra to her face “get it together,” and made Tamra run off barefoot in Bali, but what always gets left out of the narrative is the Lizzie who came back for season 10 as a friend-of, who gave exactly zero energy to the show, so I don’t think they need to bring her back around. She is far prettier than the rest of these women IMO. That’s all I can give her. One thing I loathe, a big pet peeve of mine, is when women describe their bodies in the negative. It’s very disempowering, and I’ve noticed it happening a lot more in the last ten years or so. Why does Emily—who is a lawyer, so she is responsible for having some grasp on the English language—call herself “not a size two” or whatever? Why doesn’t she just say what her damn size is? She already showed us her weight. Instead of saying that she is grateful that Lizzie is making bathing suits for women who are “not a size two,” why not just say, “I’m glad there are some cute swimsuits out there for women like me, size ______”? (I’m purposely leaving the size blank, because no matter what size I speculate she is, people are going to say she is smaller). If there’s nothing wrong with Emily’s size, why not say it on a show geared toward women who are interested in fashion and dressing? I know this is nitpicky, but I would love it if women who were slightly overweight, like Emily, would stop referring to their bodies as bodies “with curves,” as if non-overweight or skinny women just looked like rulers. It’s a bit of a passive-aggressive put-down. Why doesn’t she say she’s zaftig? That would be the most accurate way to describe Emily’s figure from my vantage point. Braunwyn doesn’t realize that the truth doesn’t need to be wielded as a sword. Some things can be better left unsaid. Oooh, she was drinking on vacation in Miraval; who wasn’t?! Gina can miss me with her “O face” in reaction to that one. Ok, I’m going to say what is sad about Gina’s life—that this is her daughter’s (pre-rona) sixth birthday. ...Matt and Travis are twins...am I the only one who sees this?? Matt has also really picked on the pounds since Gina joined the show and his pictures surfaced on the internet. I can’t believe Matt left Long Island, moved his family across the country to the OC for a job “in northern LA” where he was cheating on his wife...and he wound up with the most basic looking girl who could be found riding the escalator of any of the three malls on the south shore of Long Island. Sometimes people say someone “did a 360” when they mean that someone “did a 180,” but in this case, Matt actually did a 360. I find this all hilarious and entertaining. It is no coincidence the best part of the show has nothing to do with Braunwyn. Fuck OFF, Braunwyn.

The show opens with Emily FaceTiming Gina at Wal-Mart. How the mighty have fallen. This is not why I tune in. ^^^ All of this. I have no desire to see Braunwyn’s son dress in drag either. On the anything-for-attention Braunwyn scale, which is like the Richter Scale, this tops it. From Braunwny’s own words to Kelly, he “doesn’t know” what this is about. How about an ounce of discretion, thirsty fame claptrap horror show woman? I don’t like when Emily would let her toddler sons film without pants in earlier seasons, but allowing a 14 year old to do this on international television takes the cake. Also, why doesn’t this dried up wench shout it from the rooftops one more time that some or all of her children are alive and with us today because Mama didn’t want to put down the bottle? She is so gross and offensive, and if she becomes the face of this franchise, I’m done. I’ve dropped better shows for less. I’ve been ride or die for this franchise—I’ve been defending it against RHNYC since 2008–but something is so off this season. Kelly keeps mentioning this being her third wedding. I just rewatched the series over the summer, and nowhere in her narrative did she mention a husband other than Michael. What gives? I remember Emily mentioning at the season 13 reunion that she had been married to a guy in the army for a hot second, so I am paying attention, but Kelly never talked about this. Kelly has a convenient relationship with the truth. Anytime the surface is scratched, some really dark shit comes up. I think she has some really serious problems that she has managed to keep under wraps. She was banned from Jolie’s school, but somehow she got to skate on that, like she gets to skate on everything. Kelly looked like such an aging ho in those wedding dresses. Her ass looked huge, and she’s not a big woman. Dressing like she’s 5’10”, an A cup, and 110 lbs doesn’t work for her body. I don’t really get Elizabeth’s sense of humor. I don’t really get Elizabeth. I can’t help but see a baby-faced, chubby 13 year old boy suntanned from an afternoon of softball when I look at her, and there’s nothing she can do about it, she’s got all the bells and whistles of lashes and teeth and makeup and God knows what else. She’s like Vicki in that she is not blessed in the looks department. Holy shit, I kind of miss Vicki. Not Tamra—Tamra and Vicki are a toxic combination—but I miss a pre-Tamra Vicki. That is how bad this show is striking me. Someone in an earlier thread posted that Vicki was right about Braunwyn, and damn if I can’t co-sign that. Gina declining the invite to Braunwyn’s vow renewal—smartest decision made this season. She’s a better person than I am for going to the AA meeting. Shannon mentioning how she always supported Braunwyn, like the time she was passed out on the plane, was so passive-aggressive and shady. Shannon gets in good zingers. I remember back when this show was actually good and Shannon did the talking head that, “Kelly Dodd’s Native American name would be ‘Dances With Bullshit’.” Every time I want to quit Shannon, something like this happens. Cannot wait to read Shannon’s daughter’s book about being a child of divorce 🙄. I guess it’s a good thing they’re in the OC, because this is some navel-gazing. Bad-um, bump, I’ll be here all week, folks.

^^^ This here is perfection; something I couldn’t find a way to verbalize, but I co-sign it, also as a former dabbler in the, ahem, Colombian Whites. In the world where I came up, there was a glamour, or a chicness, to powered cocaine and mutterings about whether people want to go somewhere to party, that didn’t exist on the same strata as people downing two dozen Bud Lites and taking bong hits at someone’s filthy apartment. For Buddy, it was probably much more of the latter, but he pretends it’s the former to...impress people? Go figure. I totally agree that if Buddy was getting high on hard drugs, it was likely meth, and then maybe crack, but those drugs don’t tell the same story as the high-functioning executive or flight attendant, or beautiful party-goers, those drugs make people conjure...Buddy. It’s actually kind of funny if you think about the fact that the guy is in recovery for something he’s probably never had a problem with (though I do think he was an extremely heavy drinker), but I think everyone on this show (with the exception of Tal and Todd) is a liar, and even the non-liars will fake scenes, which doesn’t sit right with me, so it’s par for the course. I thought AA was supposed to be a system where people were able to find recovery through a process of being brutally honest with themselves. I also heard that in AA, they say it’s a disease of attitudes, you’re only as sick as your secrets, etc. It’s not my ideology—it’s his ideology—but if Buddy is this loud, proud recovering addict, and he’s been clean and sober for years now, save for that one slip-up (if we buy the bill of goods he’s selling), Buddy should have progressed more. He should be able to look people in the eye and convey a clear, concise thought by this point. If a woman—even a woman as heinous as Whitney—tells him not to touch her, he should not have 20 questions about that. He should know how having a “fiancé” is a game-changer, or at least pretend to for the show. (I know Whitney is a hypocritical, attention-seeking bitch, and Buddy had every right to tell Whit that she touches him as a counterpoint so that they could have a conversation where clear boundaries are drawn; that’s fine. What sat right with me not at all was when Whitney told Buddy he couldn’t grab her and shove her onto his lap as part of a greeting, and that was met with a pause, a swipe of the beard, and then words of protest. If she doesn’t like it and she’s engaged, keep her off your fucking lap, you creep. If not for you, if not for her, if not for Chase, do it for the sake of the damned furniture). Very rarely is an alcoholic—especially one as young as Buddy—still so fucked up at this stage of the game to the point where he is always squirming, glancing around, mumbling through his beard, scratching himself under the collar and appearing generally uncomfortable, and so damned out of shape. Buddy always looks like his next breath is going to be his last. A lot of it probably just has to do with a vast over intake of greasy food and no direction in life, which is even less glamorous than hitting the whiskey too hard. I wish they’d scrap him, as he is too depressing to watch. As much as a pill as she is, at least Whitney expresses some joie de vivre every now and again, whereas Buddy is in a perpetual state of looking like he wants someone to shoot him and put him out of his misery like Old Yeller. The law of social media desperation states that, if Buddy is gone, some slightly fitter, slightly less suicidal, slightly less self-loathing guy will come out of the woodwork to do Buddy’s job as best-friend-cum-crosser-of-the-fleshhold. Ok, I’m about to go lose my breakfast.

Same, except I was playing a board game with my husband and barely paying attention, until it filtered through my peripheral hearing when Whitney was nosing around Heather and Buddy repeatedly and asking over and over what their conversation was on the car ride up, and Heather finally said that Buddy asked Heather if she wanted “to get [her]” eighth step on,” I saw red. The eighth step is making the list of people whom one has harmed and become willing to make amends to them all and the ninth step is to “make direct amends...whenever possible...”. I’m not even in AA and I know that. Seinfeld didn’t screw it up. Buddy has made his “recovery” his storyline for, what, three seasons now, whining about “blow” and the bars at which he used to do “blow” and how he’s been feeling “squirrelly” and he had to move to Charleston, SC to get away from people, places and things that reminded him so much of his fucking “blow” and I’m assuming he thinks this program saved his life, or at least it saved his wallet, because he has been making these amends for two seasons now, and he can’t be bothered to know the difference between the eighth and ninth step?!?! This is just a microcosm of how stupid, lazy and worthless all of these people are. I’m a lawyer. I am responsible for knowing that the First Amendment forbids Congress from making a law infringing on free speech and the Third Amendment prohibits Congress from quartering soldiers. The day I mess those two up is the day my license should be taken away. Buddy is a recovering alcoholic/drug addict. Learn the fucking steps, Bud. It’s not like you have anything else to do. Heather put on so much weight I thought she was Ashley. If this relationship with Chase was real—HA!!—or normal, Whitney would move her fat ass to Wilmington to be with Chase, where he is simultaneously working construction and managing a bar into which he is heavily invested (each of which are full-time jobs, so I am 100% convinced Chase is lying about this, but if it were true). Whitney already moved from Greensboro to Charlotte last season. There is no reason she can’t move to Wilmington to be with her fiancé if this had any semblance of truth to it. While I’m on a rant, are we still really asking parents if we have permission to marry their daughters?? I get old-fashioned values—hell, I have old fashioned values—but I don’t think I was my dad’s property prior to my husband putting a ring on it. While my husband and I were watching this and ignoring it, I said, “oh, he just said he wants her dad’s blessing. I can see that.” And then Chase changed it back right away to saying he felt foolish for not asking Glen’s “permission.” What the fuck? Don’t ask permission for something that you’re not prepared to go along with. Unless a man is willing to walk away if the father doesn’t give permission, why are men still asking? And, what about the mother’s permission? And why aren’t women tasked with asking the permission of her fiancé’s parents too? The whole thing is grossly antiquated. It’s just a pet peeve of mine, kind of like someone in AA for years and making a living off of it as a storyline for a third rate reality TV show and mixing up two of the the twelve steps. There was *one* bright spot in the episode for me, and that was when Ryan said that he is going to put this “bruh” thing to bed, because it’s getting played out. Yes, times a thousand. If the most creative thing someone can say against you is that you’re a “bruh,” maybe you ain’t doing so bad. Buddy, the heifer said she didn’t want you to touch her anymore, so why you helping her over the log? I’d never so much as cast Whitney another glance if I had been let off the hook like that. I don’t mind that Whitney is morbidly obese and she has a show about being fat. Just don’t treat it as if it’s positive or normal or healthy, as if fat and thin were just subjective and/or social constructs, as if being obese doesn’t limit quality of life and longevity. Because I think stress kills worse than being fat, and I don’t shun shows about people being stressed out. But just because I watch a show about it doesn’t mean I don’t think binge eating, stress, smoking, domestic violence, etc is alright. What I mind is that everyone on that show is complicit in celebrating one of the seven deadly sins, and they’re acting like they’re liberating people who are already at-risk. Perfect. And just because I think being fat is unhealthy doesn’t mean I don’t think that she can’t live a fabulous life despite her fat, which is why I originally tuned in, but Whitney’s life is so not fabulous. As people said up thread, stop trying to climb a log or a bog or whatever the fuck she was mucking around in this episode (and before, as they flashed back to last season). Get a fucking job. She’s really smart. Get an awesome job at a fashion house or in PR or whatever she did in Korea, make bank, have a fabulous haute couture wardrobe at 350+ lbs, eat gourmet food, have some real friends, talk art, talk politics, go on real trips as a fat woman and I will watch (with fascination, not because I approve of the lifestyle). But this? This is just a bunch of bullshit.

Oh my God, in Portugal, Ashley, girl, you’re an attractive woman, but it’s not the time to have the gut hanging out at the restaurant, especially with the giant, milk-infused breasts and barely any cloth in between. At least Candiace’s dress was so pretty that it made up for Ashley’s look. I fell out at Gizelle just asking straight up whether Ashely and Michael were getting it in, “speaking of poon-poon.” So shady! I love when Gizelle gives and gets shade. So, pivoting right to Karen calling Gizelle out on Jamal’s whereabouts was perfection for me. Gizelle thinks she should get a pass from Robyn regarding Jamal? Under what theory? Hell to the no. They all need to call each other out on their shit at least once in awhile, or the franchise gets stale. I do love that Robyn doesn’t back down to Gizelle even though she’s quiet. This happened last year in the Caymans and now it happened again—Gizelle got Robyn alone, thought she was going to fold, Robyn didn’t fold, and Gizelle winds up sort of surprised and shrugging and realizing she is not going to get one over on Robyn. Nice. I know I’m going to hell, but it’s so funny that Ashely specifically told Michael to call her no matter what the time zone, and then the producers put up the chyron of “Ashely’s attempt to call Michael #2” and him hanging up on her for “molest[ing]” him. Bet she’s wishing she filed that post nup that they talked about earlier in the season that went nowhere now. Karen for the win this episode—telling Monique she would have gone to the police too, asking Gizelle about Jamal, and then asking Ashley if she thinks Michael’s refusal to answer the phone (again) is indicative of Michael cheating (again). I like this Karen so much more than Etiquette Karen or Big Sister Karen. Ashley with the electronic pumper at the table with her bra up was tacky and passive-aggressive. So what if it’s legal? So is spitting in a garbage can from three feet away, but that doesn’t make it appropriate. Why can’t she do that in the restroom? It really feels like Ashely is screaming that she is queen shit for finally having had a baby after all of those years of Michael’s pull-out game. Ashely has no identify outside of “mother” now, and it seems like she’s sad and desperate, not celebratory the way she’d have us believe. I changed my mind from last week—I don’t think Ashley has postpartum depression as much as I think Ashley thought having a baby would solve all of her problems, and she’s realizing it didn’t. Portugal seemed like a great country, and I’d like to go there (and Spain) when this quarantine is over, and I liked Portugal as a place for these women to go to get away from Monique and to pick up the pace of the show. With the exception of perhaps Robyn, they all hide shit and try to spin shit to make it look better, so Gizelle and Karen should both get off their high horses with each other about sharing. They are both guilty of the same thing, but style points to Karen for referring to Gizelle as “Satan” to her face and getting away with it.

Seriously. I dread Sunday nights because I’m like, “ugh, I have to watch Potomac.” My OCD won’t let me give up a Housewife franchise until it gets as bad as Atlanta, but I want a reprieve. This season is a snooze. To paraphrase from another franchise, my weave is tired. My pantry liner is tired. It’s interesting that we’re getting Candiace’s best guy friend instead of Chris this year. Wonder if there’s trouble in paradise there too. Is Wendy the only one with an intact marriage at this juncture? When meeting Monique, Karen’s burnt orange robe ensemble was so beautiful, and it fit her perfectly. Gizelle wouldn’t be caught dead looking that good from the neck down. Monique, hard as it is for me to admit, had a really cute red and white striped top that also really fit her well and was flattering. Why do some women get it and some don’t? Monique is such a liar that she doesn’t want the fight between her and Candiace to screw up Karen’s friendship with Candiace! Liar! When Karen told Monique that Karen and Candiace were going to be fine, Monique looked like she tasted bad soup. Monique completely wants the Candiace-Karen friendship to implode. She wants everyone to take her side against Candiace, and I don’t believe anything she says otherwise. Ashley and Monique are completely operating off of a quid pro quo scenario. I am not sure how much they particularly like each other, but they have each others’ backs. They’re coalition-building. Fine, have it. No one else seems that keen on them. Ashley is so impressed that Monique didn’t tell other people that Ashley and Michael had—according to Ashley—brought other women into their sexual relationship? So what? Aren’t they “friends”? Isn’t that what friends are supposed to do?

Count me in as someone who likes Shane. I understand he has a little bit of a RHNJ Jim Marchese (short man who can’t practice law in the state in which he resides) vibe going, but he seems to accept himself, like he is perfectly confident in his choices. I like the fact that he abstains from alcohol with no fanfare when literally everyone around him is drinking (maybe Braunwyn should take a page out of Shane’s book if she wants to chill). I think Shane is very logical and he seems smart and so what if he’s somewhat standoffish? The majority of these women are too stupid to make heads or tails of, so he doesn’t bother. There is such a thing as being too friendly (see Sean). There is such a thing as being so involved in the women’s business that a husband makes a foolish ass of himself (see Terry DuBrow coming hard and aggressively for David Beador for telling Heather to ride the mechanical bull hard, but having nothing to say when his buddy Eddie told Heather to ride the mechanical bull like she rides Terry). There have been husbands who have said really horrible, shocking, awful things about these women on camera, just not to their faces (see Eddie). David turned out to be a fucking creep in the end. This is the longest-running Housewife show, and there have been A LOT of men to have come and go (by my math, there have been 23 RHOC altogether, and only five or six who have not been married and divorced in some capacity, depending on whether Braunwyn has been divorced before Sean; I can’t recall). Out of all of these men who have come and gone, there are very few princes, if any. Perhaps Diko Sulahian was the only husband I really liked, and he only lasted a season. Let’s not forget about the sons and son-in-laws who were seething with rage. I mean, Shane Simpson is better than the roid-fueled Shane Keough, who threatened to beat his mom’s ass on camera for daring to cross a state line and attend his baseball game! I would put Shane in a category with Michael, Simon, Steve Lodge, and Donn, and I’d put him toward the top of that list. He is like a cut above that stoner Frank Curtin and two cuts above Taliban Jim. So, all this to say, if we’re grading this Ho’wives franchise on a curve—the franchise that gave us Slade!— I...give Shane an A? This makes me feel dirty, but I can’t find a way around it. I think the House Husband with the worst on-air behavior was Matt Keough, and, IF Shannon’s tales can be believed, David’s offscreen behavior makes him perhaps even worse than Matt Kirschenheiter. I also had a really strong aversion to Christian Rovsek, Lizzie’s husband, and his slacker nature, like he couldn’t be arsed to run a razor over his face or a comb through his hair. Shane gives me the opposite energy of that. He seems like he cares about his appearance and his family, but he’s not actually going to become a little bitch about it. Speaking of, Kelly had no call to say Shane was a “little bitch” IMO. What made him a bitch, to Kelly, other than the fact that she sauntered up to his table drunk and slurring and Shane quietly told Steve not to entertain her? I think Kelly was projecting the issues she had with her brother onto Shane. Thus, the narrative about Shane being this “little bitch” rings false to me. He may be a little, but he’s not a bitch at all, especially compared to most of these men, past and present.

Kathryn really looked like a clown at that Dumb & Dumber party, between the clownish makeup, sequined topcoat, orange hair and clashing orange bow tie. This is actually an offense to clowns. I don’t think Kathryn should have even agreed to film a scene with thirsty Leva, though. Are we using the word “dead” as a verb now? I’m not sure I’m going to take it as gospel if it comes from the woman who said she was “literally” going to eviscerate Kathryn. How would one even go about that, with some C4? I do agree that it’s pretty evident that Madison fucked everyone. So has Kathryn. At least they own it. Kathryn was right when she said that if anyone was talking about her or Madison the way that Kathryn was talking about Cameran, they wouldn’t be so fazed as to send soldiers in to fight their battles. The montage of Cameran being dismissive toward Kathryn reminded me exactly why I can’t stand the bitch Cameran, never could. Cam’s MO from day one was to decide who was worthy of her attention and her affection, and who was not. Guys got a pass over girls. It was only at the reunion of season five (?) that Cameran got off her high horse and realized that Kathryn was “a child” (not quite, but whatever) when she got knocked up by Thomas for the first time and then Cameran was crying about how horrible she was to Kathryn for a zillion years. It was only then that Cameran decided to descend from her throne to deign to treat Kathryn as someone other than a leper. I guess Patricia gave Cameran the nod of approval or something. Miss me. Wasn’t Kathryn renting a really expensive townhouse and driving a Phantom last season or something? What happened to all of that? Is she living there now with Thomas, or are they living somewhere else? Some of the architecture looks similar to me on this show. If Austen is going to be in a relationship with Madison, he has to accept that she has a past. I mean, her kid didn’t come from the stork. And if Austen can’t handle it, that’s ok, he should head for greener pastures. But if he wants to be with her, he has to be ok that the odds are that someone banged his girlfriend when he walks into any given room. I don’t know why, but I feel like Craig would be ok with this. Maybe I am shipping Madison and Craig a little? Craig is awesome. Kathryn...that baby pink onesie is not your friend. It’s your worst enemy. Leva, take note WRT really tight pink clothes. At least the females of this season are not whittling down to nothing. Something strange was going on with Naomie and Chelsea’s weights these past few years. Whitney is a vegan, except when he’s ordering a barbecue sandwich...or eating a steak last season? My kind of vegan, I guess. I’m kind of over Shep throwing rocks and then hiding his hands. I’m overall sick of Shep. I’m sick of his southern-gentleman-cum-Valley-Girl accent, I’m sick of his mailbox money, I’m sick of his perpetually messy hair and his big gopher teeth. The only thing I could stand about him was that he was ok with being single (Thomas, are you listening?) and that is the only thing he has changed about himself. Austen, good luck with trying to get Shep to act like an adult. Shep doesn’t have the first clue how to act like an adult. He only knows how to be a man-child and talk behind people’s backs like a little bitch, whether it’s Craig, Madison or Austen. You can be his buddy, but don’t trust him. If Austen chooses to trust him, that’s on Austen. Don’t expect a scorpion to change its stinger. Same goes for Madison. Instead of constantly trying to extract an apology from Shep, why doesn’t Madison just write him off? That would kill him the worst. The amount of enthusiasm I have for John Pringle’s past as “an energy derivatives clerk” and where he lived in Charleston is at exactly zero. Why are his eyes so far apart? Does the Pringle family tree split? Patricia is, what, in her seventies, and she’s meddling in the relationships of people young enough to be her grandchildren? Shame on her and her totally ugly, gigantic, gold chain-link necklace. I’m not a big Austen fan—I think he is more than a bit of a muppet—but who is this haughty snob to put Austen down for “only” being in three stores? How many stores is Patricia Altschul in? At least Austen’s not earning his money on his back. Michael can also miss me with his feigned aversion to vodka, as it comes from potatoes, which are from—gasp—the ground! Isn’t everything originally from the ground? Can Michael personally account that the juniper berries that go into Patricia’s gin never touched dirt? The hell? Regardless, I have a BA in History, and one of my Western Civ professors drummed it into our heads (and it was on the final) that back in the Middle Ages, people were afraid to eat potatoes, and they were starving to death, so the king of someplace in Europe famously ate a potato so that everyone would know it was ok. So, the potato—good enough for royalty, but beneath Patricia and her butler. Lol. What did Michael and Patricia think those French fries they got from McDonald’s last season were made of? I think a little snobbery on a show like this is ok; it’s veering into ugly territory when people make shit up just to sound better than others. I am strangely enough enjoying this new season. Unlike the Housewife shows, I don’t find myself constantly checking the clock to see when it’s going to be over. Who knows how much that’ll change if this Pringle guy takes center stage. I’d rather watch season one’s Jenna over him and his beard.

^^^^ This is everything!!!

Braunwyn looked like she was rode hard and put away wet in that conversation with Gina. Yikes. I think she thought someone other than Sean was going to follow her as she stormed out of Shannon’s party after dropping a glass in the pool, but people were more preoccupied by how creepy the husband is. Braunwyn and Sean are so two thousand and who cares. As if anyone if supposed to believe he wouldn’t lie for her after agreeing to make it look like she was drinking at the party. I find the dynamic between Braunwyn and her children so strange. It is always all about Braunwyn. Most people make it more about their kids. I would expect someone with seven kids would be even more that way. Her kids give me the chills, but they’re her kids, not mine, so I’m not biologically predetermined to like them. What’s Brauwnyn’s excuse? Wow, Emily is really gunning for her turn at being Shannon’s best friend. Slow your roll, there, Em. Hashtag desperate. I obviously have no love lost for Braunwyn, but I thought it was a bit of a reach to turn “lemonade boy” into an offense. I am trying to give it time, but I don’t love Elizabeth. She is a little too goofy for my tastes, with a constant grin or belly laugh, suggesting the women should solve their problems by arm wrestling. Like I know she was joking, but I wish Elizabeth was a little bit more like Sutton from RHBH or even Heather DuBrow, with a bit more elegance or glamour or something. It feels like a female truck driver with caps on her teeth was just dropped into the middle of the show. Plus, Elizabeth has no kids, we can’t see her ex, and now she can’t even disclose the details of her divorce? Boring! Wow, Rick is just like Michael; Kelly sure has a type. Kelly should stop pointing out Rick’s age every two seconds though, because now all I see is an old man, whereas I wouldn’t have picked up on it if she wasn’t constantly harping on how he is 60. He’s like four years older than Shannon. That’s really not old in the greater scheme of things. I think Kelly thinks that she is insanely hot, and that is just an error in judgment. Matt’s girlfriend Brit looks like Kelly, only cheaper! I don’t really judge her for going out with Matt, despite his penchant for cheating and domestic violence. That was the story with Ryan Culberson, Brianna’s husband, and although I hate Ryan with the fire of a thousand suns, things seem to be working out nicely for him and Brianna (whom I also can’t stand, so I guess two negatives form a positive). I have never seen anyone rage and regret more than Braunwyn. She keeps on making an ass of herself—drunk or sober—and keeps apologizing. She is having such a hard time right now and it’s all self-inflicted. Why does she keep putting herself around alcohol and heavy drinkers and expect a different result? Sean is so thirsty for an orange, and it’s fucking creepy. I thought the text to Gina was fucking creepy while we’re at it too. It finally occurred to me why that text rang so familiar—someone wrote me one of the same sentences verbatim back in the day...and this person was in love with me! They’re some strange birds. I wonder how they found each other. This lust for attention combined with zero self-awareness doesn’t come along that often.

Oh, I definitely see a Jessica Simpson resemblance and people posted about it last season, so it’s not just us. I just feel bad comparing Madison’s looks to JS’s, because I don’t think Jessica is that attractive or ever has been—short, stumpy body and legs, a big hard lower face and jaw, and a cocky attitude about a voice that sucks (all in my opinion of course). Since I kind of like Madison, I don’t mention that they definitely look alike. As soon as she really pisses me off, I’ll go on a tirade about her that includes how much she reminds me of Jessica Simpson. Also, Madison is a good half a dozen years younger than JS and it shows!

Karen always thinks she’s the smartest person in the room. She was caught on film saying she wants her bailout money back from Ray, and I lose respect for her when she flatly denies it. She’s not good enough at this game to make denials and get away with it. Didn’t she learn anything season two when she kept denying that she had breast implants that had been removed, which is something that can be seen with the naked eye?! I hate Ashley, but she tells the truth more than almost anyone else on reality TV. I don’t think any of the other women would have said on camera that they feel that their husband uses them as a vehicle, thus they are uninterested in sex. This is a real issue, and I think if more of them were more honest, we would have much better reality shows. I have zero interest in Candiace’s music. Monique has no brand. She is an inefficient mom. She’s an abrasive mom. She’s a perfectionist, brittle mom, and that is what she’s showing on TV. To whom would that even theoretically appeal? Is there even one mom out there who feels like her parenting is great, but she’s just too relaxed and needs someone to help her stress out? I’m Team Gizelle for passive-aggressively reacting to Ashley bringing Dean to her house when he was not invited. Ashley as a parent is almost as annoying as Monique. Your kid is not welcome everywhere on an ensemble cast of women. If Ashley is having that much trouble detaching, maybe it’s time to step away from the show until she has her shit together. I think there is definitely a chance that Ashley has postpartum depression—probably because she is overwhelmed because her husband is absent, because he never wanted a kid and he told her that—but it’s giving me depression to watch. Gizelle continues to win worst-dressed. Gizelle and Robyn were both wearing skin-tight jeans at Robyn’s photo shoot, but Robyn kept it simple with tennis shoes and a grey sweatshirt, whereas Gizelle was wearing spike heals and a top with a huge ribbon, and it reminded me so much of the early aughts Life & Style magazine of “who wore it better?” Robyn always wears it better. We know this is a reality show. We know each season they take a vacation. I would like it so much better if they just went on the vacation and didn’t give us a reason instead of pretending each year that there is a different reason to take a vacation. Oh, Ashely’s therapist recommended it; I’m swayed! I am so tired of half of the preceding episode to be about how much they need to get away. Just go. We know you’re going for the show. We’re adults. We can handle it. What I did really appreciate was that there was little fanfare about not inviting Monique—it was just like “yeah, she’s not invited.” I like to see Karen get called out, even if I don’t love the people doing the calling. I like the fact that she got called out twice this episode, first by Gizelle for saying she wanted her investment back from Ray on camera, and then by Wendy for something Karen also said on camera. Wendy is so boring with her four degrees, but Karen’s reply that her institution of a marriage was comparable was laughable. Yes, Karen...a failing institution. Just when Karen has lost me, she did that slither and owned it and I liked her so much! This is why I can’t quit Karen. Monique is such a dumb bitch for doing that talking head that she had “no choice” but to sue Candiace back because two people were in the fight. I’m not even sure I can touch that one. I wouldn’t know where to start. I just want her to be gone from my screen. I hope this is a shorter than usual season. Without the fight, simply nothing else is going on, and the footage is now *over* a year old. How would they fill about six more episodes? Just go to Portugal and put this mother away with a two-part reunion, no Secrets Revealed, Bravo I beg of you. Then it might be time for a serious recast before season six.

I was the only one who referred to Madison as a mean girl in a positive way up thread (others have since echoed that sentiment), but I said I was kind of glad that Madison was kind of a mean girl. I’m not sure how happy and proud that makes me. I mean, I’m not on the cusp of taking to the streets to demonstrate my joy about Madison, but whatever works. My thing is that I am not personally a fan of the saccharine sweet girl (who doesn’t always wind up being that nice) in media. And I’m not alone. I recently read an article about the difference between the supermodels of the nineties and the “supermodels” of today. The article lamented about the now-lost attitude that was present in the supermodels of the nineties, how the nineties supermodels did that George Michael video together and the egos were alive and well, as opposed to the “supermodels” of today who get on social media and gush about how grateful and humbled they are that this or that designer chose to book them. The former, to me, is cool, the latter is lame. In general, girls with attititude appeal to me. Even as a kid, I would even root for Veronica over Betty in the Archie comics. Madison and pre-lobotomy Kathryn—they’re like the Brenda and Kelly of Beverly Hills 90210. The girls who think they have to band together and take the righteous path and yell at men for not settling down and minding other people’s business with a veneer of superiority (always cloaked in great manners) bore me. They are like the BH 90210 Andreas. I think there’s a big difference between a woman who won’t take shit from a man (or anyone) like Madison versus a woman who feels the need to lecture every man that isn’t up to their standards, like Cameran and Naomie. There is a difference between “attitiude” and “anger bubbling just beneath the surface covered by a facade.” Chelsea and Danni belong in their own categories, I suppose, and that’s boring and weak, respectively. If Danni is on the north side of her thirties and she can’t defend against a woman who said (completely untruthfully, if you believe Danni) that she caught a case of the clap, I have no time for her. This is...certainly an interesting sentiment. I would be interested to see how it would be perceived if someone said it on the show. I think the girl is distasteful for defending Jason in a way that totally made me believe he is cheating. I have no issue with whether she is a “Persian carpet-bagger.” It’s her actions and words, not her heritage, that cause me to come to conclusions about her. To each his own.

Austen and Craig’s faces are so bloated for their thin bodies. I can only imagine how hard they drink every single night. Kathryn is still wearing the tight synthetic leathery pants that look so uncomfortable. Thomas is still waring white pants. I never thought we’d see Thomas on this show again, and I was happy to see him, because last season was so boring without him...even though he’s the biggest creep to ever have creeped. They are so sleeping together. UO, but I’m glad to see more of Madison. I find her totally interesting, like a femme fatale, sort of like picking up where Kathryn dropped the ball. Kathryn has always had a flat affect, but she was practically comatose last season, and I’m over Kathryn unless or until she re-joins the human race. I think it’s a good sign that she’s back to drinking after pretending to have been sober. I kind of like that Madison is sort of a mean girl who is out for herself. She’s not all “girl power” like Chelsea, Naomie and Cameran, none of whom I missed in the slightest. I just wish Danni would go away too. She’s a weakling. And I can’t stand looking at her, never could. I wish Patricia was off the show. She is like Lisa VanderPump in that I feel people are always reporting to her and groveling for her approval and I don’t get why...because she’s rich, or more accurately, she married rich? Who cares? It’s so weird that Whitney is no longer a main character and his mom is. When they film with her, I feel like I went to go hang out with my friend and his or her mom showed up to hang out instead. Wouldn’t be appropriate there, and it’s not appropriate here IMO. It was nice to see Whitney in a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it scene, but I’m not sure what the point was. I would only want to see Cameran back if her husband was, in fact, having an affair. Then Camreran would be forced to drop her guard for the first time ever on this show, but Cameran only knows how to deal with other people’s bullshit and put them down to their faces. She has no idea how to deal with her own bullshit, so it’s no surprise she didn’t show up. Some of the best men in the world cheat, so Cameran’s friend can miss me with all of the heavy denial. The friend—I forgot her name, but I remember her being on the show before and upset about her pregnancy weight—seems so angry and thirsty for drama. JFK and MLK died in the 60s and people liked them so much that they still have pictures of them hanging in their houses today, and they were both wife cheaters, so even if Jason was some sort of saint, it wouldn’t mean he is not a cheater, contrary to Cameran’s mouthpiece’s friend’s logic. I can’t believe how weak it looks that Cameran is trying to do damage control on the show without being willing to face a camera or a microphone. If her marriage is so great, why does she give a shit what people are saying about it? How the hell old is Taylor, Shep’s girlfriend? Who lies about their profession over the age of 20 either? I don’t believe the scene of them washing the dog—I don’t know it for a fact, I just know it’s true—but Shep sends his dog out to be groomed. Madison is like the girl with two faces from Seinfeld—in some lights she looks absolutely gorgeous and in some she looks just like a generically attractive person. It’s not just her face, it’s her body that also looks completely different in different scenes. I didn’t really understand the concept of a Dumb & Dumber party, but I was glad to see the season start off with a bone fide party with them all filming together. I was kind of laughing at the drama between that girl and the guy that Madison slept with. What was this girl’s point in getting upset anyway? That her guy, or her boyfriend, had sex with Madison when he was single? Note to jealous girlfriend—no one can make you feel inferior without your consent, and she was just giving Madison all the power and exactly what she wanted by literally making a scene about it. I thought this was a fairly decent season opener. It feels a lot lighter and back to its original roots and it feels like a lot of dead weight was lifted from last season. I don’t read spoilers and have no idea anything that happens out of the four corners of this show (nor do I want to), but apparently this John Pringle guy is going to become some kind of huge deal. There should be a drinking game for every time it’s mentioned that he has two kids and/or he’s in from San Diego. Why, at this point in the season, would the viewer be compelled by such benign information? The way they were conveying it made it sound like cover material for Holy Shit Magazine. Annnnd Kathryn completely regained my goodwill by refusing to toe the party line about Cameran <cough, Craig, cough> and calling her an asshole on national television. It’s about time someone revealed that the emperor had no clothes.

I don’t remember Shannon and Emily ending last season with a conflict. I thought they were alright. Shannon needing to have a deep discussion with her boyfriend before seeing Emily seems like a plot contrivance. They weren’t best friends, and Shannon seemed to have a puss on when Emily and Gina made up at the reunion, but I didn’t think Shannon vs Emily was a thing. I thought Shannon left last season pretty much only having drama with Kelly. Ir’s probably a fool’s errand to try to make sense of this. Elizabeth walks like a linebacker in heels. I kind of like the idea that Elizabeth and Jimmy aren’t having sex as a product of thoughtful choice. I find it more interesting than Braunwyn’s sobriety, which strikes me as the height of navel-gazing. It’s not getting sober that I object to, obviously, but Braunwyn’s play-by-play of her every thought and feeling? Hmm, I could watch Intervention on Hulu if I needed to see that. Kelly with the sex puns...that’s not getting old at all. 🙄 She puts Jolie through a lot. I suppose now that Vicki isn’t on the show, there will be no discussion of the bullying Jolie faces online and at school. Braunwyn makes fun of the size of Gina’s house when she is driving a minivan? Lol. Braunwyn is kind of full of shit when it comes to whether I believe her or Shannon about the house, because last episode Braunwyn couldn’t even be sure whether Shannon said the house was “depressing” or “sad,” but this week she is completely sure of everything Shannon said. She can miss me. I have never come across someone as insecure as Braunwyn in my life. She wants Sean to make it look like she’s drinking, but she has to be “really honest”?? It’s one or the other, sweetheart. I am not an AA fan—I don’t believe in their philosophy, and I don’t think it’s the best way to get sober—but they do tell you to focus on yourself, which is something with which I agree. Braunwyn does not have to justify to any person on earth why she is not drinking. If they ask and she doesn’t want to have a whole sob story (which, Braunwyan lives for a good sob story), she can say she is cleansing, which is not a lie. She is a nervous wreck and completely immature. I don’t think a person who is getting sober needs to get off of reality TV—I don’t care. I think Braunwyn specifically should get off of reality TV, because she is making an asshole of herself on TV in trying to get sober. It is so embarrassing how stunted she is. There is an idea in pop culture that alcoholics stop advancing emotionally at the age they start drinking. So, judging from her behavior, I would guess Braunwyn picked up the bottle sometime around 11. I don’t know if I believe Shannon that she never said anything about the size of Gina’s house. I don’t really care, but Shannon used to be a truth cannon until last season’s reunion when got caught in a lie about something—I think it was liposuction—and she was sitting there with her mouth hanging open like a trout. Now that Shannon lied about one thing, I think she will lie about anything. I don’t believe Shannon that putting down someone’s house is not in her vocabulary. Shannon has a very specific way of putting people down. She does it with a wry face on, she purses her lips, she mumbles something passive-aggressive and snarky, and then she takes a sip of her vodka and pellegrino and looks away. The word “sad” is completely in Shannon’s vocabulary. She said the state of her marriage and her friendships at various times were sad. I wonder why we’re spending quite so much time on the state of Gina’s house though. I thought Gina was bigger than worrying about minor digs. Wasn’t her tag line last season that she’ll fix her Orange County mistakes in a New York minute or something equally as dumb? Let it go, Gina, or get dragged. Those doc martens look like hell. She doesn’t need to have money to go to a high-end thrift store and get a pair of heels for $16.99. Speaking of looking like hell, Emily and Shane don’t make an attractive couple to me. Emily’s see-through shirt with the black bra was horrendous. I can’t believe she walked out of the house like that. Braunwyn matching her earrings to her sunglasses whilst screaming about her sobriety (which is a huge secret) was straight out of the early nineties. Earlier in the episode when Kelly met with her interior designer, she was wearing some kind of orange smock top that does not look good on a full-busted woman. Kelly and Shannon turned out well at Shannon’s house party though. Elizabeth looked partially like a Dubai tourist who thinks they need to cover up their entire bodies mixed with someone on a safari in Zimbabwe. Emily is completely right that people are going to make judgments about Braunwyn and Sean based on what they put out there about their lifestyle, and that had nothing to do with her drinking. This is an UO, but I’m not 100% sure it is a mistake for Gina to move her kids in with the new boyfriend if they’re both sharing custody of their kids (aka their kids aren’t living three to a room 24/7) because I don’t know how good their relationship is or whether they’re in love enough to get married. I am just about 100% sure that the lascivious displays and over sharing about sex Braunwyn did with Tamra last season was bad and hurtful to their families. Tamra’s daughter hasn’t spoken to her in years because she acts this way. Braunwyn had her own share of problems when she was growing up. Is Braunwyn that starved for attention that she thought it would be a good idea to put these things on TV? And she doesn’t need the money...right? Emily is also completely right that “owning it” doesn’t absolve Braunwyn of responsibility for talking about Gina. Braunwyn got away with that shit exactly once last season when she went hip hop dancing with Shannon and Tamra and came clean about her lies and was crying. This is her second season. Braunwyn needs to come up with a better way to spin her story, even if it’s just as simple as calming the fuck down when she talks to Gina, speaking without passion, and not really caring so much about Gina’s reaction. People who care that much about what other people think put out of vibe—it’s almost like a pheromone—and people like Gina who really don’t give a damn can pick up on it an make that person’s life hell. If Braunwyn were a preteen, I’d feel sorry for her. As a fully grown woman, I feel only disgust. I could have lived without Sean mansplaining to Shannon about why Braunwyn was right and Shannon was wrong. It’s not about the fact that Sean is a man per se, it’s the fact that he doesn’t have an orange, so he just looks very thirsty getting into the fray. Eddie Judge was very good at being supportive of his wife while staying out of the drama. Hell, even Shane walks the line better than Sean. I wish Braunwyn and Sean were off the show. They suck the life out of everything. Last week I posted that Gina’s takedown of Braunwyn would be great, not good, but I underestimated just how good it would be. I didn’t expect cursing, crying and running simultaneously! The only thing that possibly could have made it better would have been if Braunwyn went full Tamra and screamed, “you will never see my face again!” as she ran, hahaha. That was a pretty solid episode. The only thing that would have made it better would have been if Matt was there. I want to meet Matt and his girlfriend “in person” way more than I probably should.

I would say anything is possible now that we’ve had a storyline about Porsha and Marlo having a season-long argument about the size of Porsha’s doormat on RHOA 😉. But it wasn’t just slapping and hair pulling—it was an attack wherein Candiace couldn’t defend herself. It was the opposite of a fair fight. I’ve posted in an earlier episode’s thread that if Candiace had been in a position to get an uppercut on Monique, it wouldn’t bother me as much. Attacking someone with a table as her shield makes Monique a coward IMO. The central premise behind Karen’s defense of Monique part of my post, though, isn’t about the “hair pull”/attack, it was about the fact that Karen seems to think it is a defense to violence to say that the offender perhaps “cannot” (as opposed to “will not”) control themselves. That theoretical person (who isn’t Monique, as it has been pointed out numerous times that Monique seemed to be able to walk away from the umbrella altercation just fine) is a person I don’t want in my life, man or woman, committer of felony or misdemeanor. That’s a person who would have to go to counseling if they were close to me, because I’d be in fear of my personal safety, and a person who would be gone if we were just show friends. My question is whether that is the line in the sand that Karen wants to draw—whether she’s really put thought into it—and whether she has a limiting principle, or whether she is just talking shit to keep Monique’s place open on the show for her own personal reasons. Because if Karen really does think it’s an excuse to act out if one doesn’t demonstrate a willingness to control their behavior—aka “can’t control” their behavior—I think that makes her an enabler. You get enough enablers together, you get enough people who are willing to look the other way, and the aggressor begins to justify their behavior and suddenly that’s what society adopts. I guess the “hair pull” can be more overblown if one were to compare it to “First They Came,” the poetic confessional about how the Nazis were able to gain power by looking the other way. So there’s an example of Godwin’s Law coming into effect, as well as the conflict becoming more overblown. And I don’t really care if Karen wants to look the other way a little bit, especially after she told Candiace that she would go to the police too. I think we’re all hypocrites sometimes. I’d probably stand by my husband through anything too, right or wrong. What bothers me is if Karen is sincere in the belief she espoused and the fact that Monique isn’t someone close enough to Karen to cloud her judgment.

Juan is willing to spend $10,000 on an engagement ring for a woman who he’s already been married to? And he and Robyn wonder why they have money problems. Hmm. Hahaha, Monique, after the “altercation” at first you “just wanted to run and hide”? No, bitch, at first you wanted to run and “finish her off.” Let’s keep the story straight. Now that Monique did that, I have a bone to pick with everything she says and does. It’s confusing to me, because I only became a Monique fan last season. Before that, I didn’t like her, then I really liked her, and now I can’t stand her. If anyone would have told me at the beginning of the season that I would like Wendy more than Monique, I would have said they were crazy, but I guess we’re living in some crazy times. I would buy Karen and Ray’s storyline at face value if this was their second season. It’s very odd for this to come up on her fifth season as a Z-list celebrity. It feels very desperate, and I’m just sad we’re going to have to go through this whole charade again at the reunion. Nothing about it seems organic. I don’t like Ashley at all anymore, but her marriage drama feels so real and it’s something I would be so much more interested in watching play out, even if it’s been going on forever. I want to see what kind of fucked up thing Michael will do next, and how Ashley will spin it in a way I don’t want to watch the Hugers mumble around a problem, or the Dixons dance around their tax lien. Ray probably feels emasculated that Karen had to bail him out financially, Karen is probably not letting him live it down, and Ray—rightly or wrongly—feels bad about it and it’s causing him not to pursue his wife, because he sees her as a creditor, not a lover. That makes so much more sense than what they’re peddling. I’m supposed to believe that’s less of a problem than Karen not making home cooked meals after the kids left (and the last kid left four years ago)? Yeah-mmm-kay, sure. In vino veritas, Karen. Gizelle with Jamal is desperate and boring at the same time. I never thought Gizelle could be boring, but here we are. Why does Jamal speak like he’s reading lines from a Tyler Perry movie? This is really the best she can do? It’s funny that so many people seem to be willing to offer Monique support in the “altercation” online, but they don’t even support her enough to buy a ticket to support her podcast. As many comparisons as I and other posters have made to Nene and Teresa, those women can at least fill a room anywhere they’re appearing live. Good luck with that, Monique. At Monique’s event, Ashley’s hair looked greasy and just a hard no. That’s not an ombré; that’s a woman who can’t be bothered to go down to the salon and get her roots touched up. And the irony is that Ashley showed up to perpetuate the idea that “lazy moms” are a demographic to be avoided. Lol at Robyn, Gizelle and Wendy jumping all over Ashley for her contention that she is not taking Monique’s side “arbitrarily”; that Ashley is siding with Monique because last year Monique and Chris decided not to show receipts on Michael grabbing asses Monique because Monique has good character. Does Karen think that the louder she speaks, the more she gets her point across? And she is defending Monique for an only slightly more valid reason than Ashley is—because “maybe” Monique “can’t” control her anger? Yeah, that’s really someone I’d back. Would Karen feel that way if Monique were a man? Or a murderer? Well, s/he can’t control the anger; what am I gonna do, blame them? Where I come from, the answer to that is “hell yes.”

We saw Heather’s parents in Puerto Vallarta, when Tamra was having her bachelorette party. Heather threw Tamra some kind of bridal shower and Heather’s parents were there, because they live there half the year, and I think Vicki was bored. Heather also said that her mom told her to have premarital sex to make sure the guy doesn’t suck in bed before you marry him, and to be careful who you date, because you could fall in love with anyone. Heather said her parents were the most WASP-y Jews ever. And I have no justification for remembering this, other than I am so interested in where they came as a partial explanation as to why they are the way they are now. But...I think I need to get a life.