Toaster Strudel

I'm sorry but I was too distracted by Danielle to pay attention to, or enjoy the rest. My heart broke for her children. Sure, a hugely overweight, divorced, grown-ass, lower middle class wage earner with three teens ought to know better than to waste money hauling herself to Tunisia to meet up with some stranger 15 years her junior, and closer in age to her children than to herself, then waste even more money bringing him over as an immigrant and a thus take on an extra financial dependent that she doesn't need. Sure, he must have told her all the "right things" that she wanted to hear, but she must have stupidly gobbled it up and I can't forgive her. I have little patience for those that are willing to delude themselves into a fantasy at the expense of their children's psychological and material well-being. When I saw one daughter brushing the hair of the weepy mother, and the way the poor things were emotionally wrapped up in their mother's absolutely ridiculous and avoidable drama, it reminded me of something called emotional incest where young children are put into the position of being some needy parent's spousal substitute. They end up knowing way too much about the parent's adult life, and it becomes their job to be that adult's emotional crutch, center, and support system... way before they are ready, and often at the expense of their own emotional needs being taken care of. I hope I'm wrong. It also reminded me of the hoarder shows, which were tragically comic with the cranky adults, but were unwatchable when there were children living in bed bugs and filth. I just hated to see those teens getting dragged into this nonsense, bearing the weight of their mother's tears and anxiety, playing second fiddle to some age-inappropriate Romeo in Tunisia, at a time of their lives when they need to be loved, taught solid values and guided into adult independence. It was very painful to watch.

What? Another delicious episode of Love Prison and they had to air this on a Saturday at noon when I was totally unaware of it? Gah!

Grand Prix Repo guy was a piece of work. At first he repo'd the day the payment was due... then he admitted it was a week before! Oh, but she didn't have full coverage! What's it to him, she had already paid $2300 on that piece of rolling scrap. If she was still paying, who cares if she was using the car as a flower pot, or it had been totaled? And he was countersuing for the repo? The nerve! Hustla indeed. I wondered how many times he had sold that same car. Did I say "car?" I meant "vehicle." I hope you understand my post now.

Finally Fred is back. I only laugh when he's on. The monologue gets worse and worse. I should FF to Fred. Fred-Ex wasn't funny, and it was too far into the show, past the low point of the anecdotes.

I would like to see her audition for Jaws VIII as a screaming victim. Like the first one that gets eaten as she tries to fix her leaking kayak with chewing gum.

The Leaky Fish Tank plaintiff was quite entitled suing his dad for $125 of fish, and the replacement value of his worthless leaking aquarium, after paying only $300 monthly rent for 8 months.

This season has been stellar, very low on monsters and every week I quiver in anticipation of a new amazing and creative challenge. This week didn't disappoint! Way to improve the show!

Looked like two hockey pucks to me.

Schedule conflict with 90 Day Fiance... bye bye Bradys!

What time? What time?

"This, ladies and gentlemen, is a wife beata" Thank you and sit down, you impulsive British-accented fool dating Fat Endora in her hoarded pigsty. Short guy that worked in a refinery and hired a prostitute that waited tables in a restaurant wanted his money back? She never stayed overnight, only a couple of hours at a time, the reek of sex-for-money was strong with this one. Speaking of impulsive the Tooth Knocking Brothers had a motor-mouthed plaintiff. He made my head spin. I'm pretty sure he started it, whatever it was. Interesting that a guy like that not only found a wife, but a mistress! There is no accounting for taste or good judgment from desperate women.

Wiig's singing was atrocious. I hated the bit where she boasts that she can "do everything but play the saxophone" and then shows up playing the saxophone. It was the perfect way to make me hate her more.

Leslie was hilarious in the fake fund raiser ad, she was perfect for that punch line, what with her eyes big and round like silver dollars!

The whole Strudel household gathered at suppertime to watch JJ today. After we watched yesterday's spoiler about defendants counter-suing for having to put down their aggressive pitbull, we were practically shaking with anticipation. The defendants did not disappoint! (1) The heinous pitbull was called 'Charity.' Quite a sardonic name for a violent cur. (2) They tried to blame the attack on the women taunting and tormenting the obnoxious animal, even though exactly no one saw any of this. (3) In the hallterview, the defendant complained that the women running away screaming provoked the dangerous bitch to protect her home, even though he was not a witness to any of it. (4) No way that kid ever leaves a kitchen without his pockets and his jowls bursting with snacks. (5) The dog owner only cared about the dog. He had no concern about the pain and suffering of these young women. (6) $1500 for a vicious, biting pitbull rescue? You gotta be kidding me. You can get a murderous, child-eating pitbull at any shelter at any time, shelters are full of those because so many people try get rid of them after a few stitches on their delicate skin. The world is a safer place now that this unpredictable monster has been put down. When JJ awarded the women 5K, we did the wave. Wheeee! After this triumph, we expected to be let down by the second case, but au contraire! Our outrage was even greater! At first we wondered why this was a case at all. A hundred bucks of cheap worn rags got misplaced, so what? And the woman called the goddam police for leggings and a bathing suit? They must still be chuckling at the station, months later. All eyes at the Strudels' were rolling at this epitome of a first world problem. The defendant dared to wear the bathing suit she said she didn't have in front of the plaintiffs! Well duh, if she had stolen it she wouldn't trot it in front of her theft victims. And the silly sisters were the ones with the heavier "crime" of B&E in this case. But then. The plaintiffs showed that the sweater had fuzzballs, FUZZBALLS! And loose threads! She had put the leggings in the wash when you're not supposed to! The Spandex was ruined, ruined! I clutched my pearls. OMG of all the tragedies we have seen on JJ, drug addicts that have lost their children, rent-to-own rims courtesy of your stepdaugther's scholarship, printouts of cell phones being sold on ebay, this is the one that brought the most tears to my eyes. If this didn't break your heart, it's because you don't have one.

But then the oncoming traffic is already stopped and often there is a 1-2 second delay before they get a green, so no chance of someone coming down at full speed limit and hitting you.

Today we did have some poor fellow that was catapulted out of his car and landed hard on a tombstone, breaking it. That's some bad juju right there with the netherworld, but not as ominous as if the impact of his flying body would have made a crater and he would have been buried alive on the spot. That would have been worse, and I think the cemetery should waive its fee should something like this happen. However, I don't care if the defendant was stopped, going backwards, doing donuts, driving a monster truck or going 100 miles per hour blindfolded, it's the fault of the guy that was making a left turn on a red light. I hope the ghosts know that, and are haunting the right guy. Where in the world can you make a left turn on a red light anyway??? Not in my neighborhood! But then again I live in a freezer.

This show is not getting better.

Hey! That's half the entertainment on this show! I hope you didn't miss today's square faced bottle blond stepmom's discounted Payless streetwalker high heeled sandals! They were gloriously inappropriate for her pig feet.

Owen Wilson was a plaintiff today! Congrats on the nose-straightening, Owen! Both cases were boring. Wait until Toasterina Strudelski vs. Officer Byrd airs... now there's a name.

Hey... let's talk about that amazing angler fish head! I know Aphrodite was a sight to behold, in gorgeous pastel corals, but that fish blew my mind. It looked so real, and as Dina herself said, the contrast between the beautiful goddess and the ugly fish told a great story. "Anime sex doll" oh yeah. I can't get that out of my head. So true.

There's nothing like 'roid rage to dispel those nasty rumors about being on the juice!

So do I, watching these defendants/plaintiffs.

Wow, a case about opera glasses and a spatula? That's a change!

This episode was so ludicrous. I hated Clara's angry rant. Get back to your classroom if you don't like it, and stay there. I hated her self-important speech to the earth and the vote that she ignored, I hated the crap science especially in the light of the adults mocking Courtney for her lack of science juju. It's not like any physics/biology made any sense whatsoever. It was so idiotic I don't even know where to begin, there were a million things wrong. The Deus Ex Machina made me feel like I had been played the whole hour. I hated Courtney. I liked her at first as a possibly curious and adventurous type, but instead she was whiny and stupid. The only thing I liked was Danny. The actor can really sell the amorous/languorous eyes. He's eye-candy.

http://livedash.ark.com/transcript/judge_judy/510/KPIX/Thursday_January_27_2011/553861/ "Baker, there's one thing to be stupid and there's another thing to appear to be stupid. Don't combine the two."