Auntie Anxiety

I need a cigarette. I've been dreaming about this day ever since Season 1, when it was clear very early on that the Guidices lived way above their means.

People Magazine reports that the judge said she considered probation, but decided she needed to send a message. So glad she did.

Persnickety, see my post about my ex's foreclosure auction :-) I haven't watched WWHL in a long time but I've already set my DVR. Gold.

This strikes me as very funny and extremely meta. Come on, Judge. I haven't gotten a damned thing done all day long.

This day is almost as delicious as the day I found out that my ex's home was scheduled for a foreclosure auction. Sadly it was postponed, but I considered going with a bag lunch and a lawn chair.

This is better than any episode of RH ever! How the mighty (stupid and obnoxious) have fallen.

I guess the only saving grace vis a vis their lawyers is that the Guidices didn't declare that they are indigent, thus the taxpayers aren't footing the legal bills.

If that's the case, their lawyers should be shot.

Am surprised Joe's lawyer didn't say that the reason they didn't submit tax returns was because the dog ate it. Speaking of dogs, maybe the Guidice's German Shepherd attack dogs will be adopted by Bernie Kerik. Caroline Manzo can hook them up.

I know it's very mean-spirited of me, but this is what I said when they were first charged. If they don't give a shit about their own children and what their behavior will do to the kids, then I'll save my pity for something else, thank you very much. Money and material items were more important than the girls; it's as simple as that. Hope like hell that they get what is coming to them. I plan to wake up extra early so I can (hopefully) gloat. Yeah, I've been on the receiving end of assholes like the Guidices and it's about time that something finally happens to them. Like many of you here, I have played by the rules and paid my bills my entire life and have gotten a good kick in the ass for doing so. I'm sick of seeing crooks like these two getting away with it.

I just meant that every time I see him in a different role, I can't help but think of him as Marlo. The Wire made a huge impression on me.

Someone needs to tell Valerie Jarrett to keep her day job. And please, please all TPTB, I watch television shows to take my mind off current events so stop putting real life political figures on my screen when they add absolutely nothing to the show. Taye Diggs? Yawn. After all these years, you'd think he could find a facial expression other than looking constipated and then relieved that he was able to pinch one out (tm Jesse Pinkman).

I'm so thrilled that I'm not the only one who only sees Marlo; he will always and forever BE Marlo. Those lifeless shark eyes of his are completely hypnotic. Apparently we were supposed to feel how tortured Nora was when she had to slice and dice her mother, but I projected my own feelings and decided that Nora was probably happy to put Mariela (or whatever the hell her name was) down, what with her constant whining and neediness. What a relief. Is there the possibility that this show is going to have a second season? I thought it was a mini-series. I would never, ever watch another season of this crap. If nothing else, couldn't they have made the special effects more compelling? The Master looks like a flunky from the cheesy Halloween Scary House set up at my local orchard. Come on, producers. Have some self-respect.

Was that her? All I saw was a bright red pair of lips. I'm not an FBI agent, but I would think it's probably a good idea not to stand out like that. How idiotic of me.

Gaaah! I can't believe I missed all these shows this afternoon. Saturday afternoon? Really A&E? This is the last time I'm hosting a dinner party ever because I missed my new favorite (apparently very limited run) show. Will check for rerun dates and look online for other airing times. A hunky construction worker with frat boy behavior is something I don't want to miss although my eyes are still glazed over from Lawrence and Nicole's riveting week together.

This is my new favorite show, but there was no preview for next week. Does that mean that it's already off the air? Or that they couldn't find any more dysfunctionalmatch.com couples? Like others, I thought that Lawrence was going to be the schmuck but Nicole outdid him. Way to go, Nicole! Looks like she started drinking the minute she woke up. I don't know, but what about having a conversation with the guy you've been talking to online for six months? Pick a topic: Your likes, your dislikes, your upbringing, your work experience, your inner demons, your favorite colors, etc. Get the picture? Frankly, as another curvy (read overweight but hey, I'm old enough to be Lawrence's or Nicole's mom) woman, I got the distinct feeling that Nicole was not happy about being filmed 24/7; she seemed uncomfortable about her size, didn't want to be seen in a swimsuit (or wearing less than five tank tops), didn't want to be seen working out (even though it appeared that she didn't know a dumbbell from a dimwit). And why didn't we get to see who they each called and the ensuing phone conversations? I think that would have been comedy gold. Lawrence seemed to have tried. He didn't look horrified by her appearance. He looked like he wanted to make the best of it. He wasn't quite as shallow as I expected him to be. That being said, he needs some time alone with his corset and his pecs. As far as the skinny dipping goes, my guess is that he was led to believe that Nicole was not the prude that she suddenly became upon setting foot on the island. I don't know. If I found myself in this position (being on the show, I mean) and not really wanting to be in a relationship with the other person, it doesn't mean that I couldn't be nice, considerate, friendly and interested (even if it meant I had to fake it). But that would make for a boring show, I guess.

I'm kicking myself for watching this drekky show. It had tons of potential but it just kinda sucks. I've found it more watchable if I imagine each scene to be like a page in a comic book or a graphic novel. The acting is atrocious and silly. Is the Master supposed to look like a genie? Was I the least bit surprised about Gus' mother and brother? Mariela is so boring and predictable and such an insult to our intelligence. The kid who plays Zack is interchangeable with every other tween boy bad actor in Hollywood. And Eph's toupee is the star of the show. Go figure. Is it over next week? I want my Sunday nights back.

The daughter who just recently had her own baby? I wonder exactly what the circumstances of that were. I didn't hear anything about the baby's father, whether they are married/partners/in a monogamous relationship/he's a stand up guy, because it is fairly predictable that at least some of the 35 kids will repeat history. I hope those kids are smart enough to have learned how not to be. The women were a sorry group. Not an ounce of self-esteem among them. I remember Iyanla from her Starting Over days. She is still immensely entertaining in her own eccentric way.

Some of Sean Bean's (swoon) facial expressions remind me of Kiefer Sutherland/Jack Bauer's tics. And the acting isn't bad but I am totally obsessed Ali Larter's blunt haircut. Wish my hair did that. The episode: I am enjoying the ride and sometimes it's nice to not have to think so much (The Honorable Woman, which was excellent, gave me headaches). Odum's wife and Gates was an interesting twist, Dobson getting killed was predictable and I do like Chloe O'Brien 2.0.

How dare you not be able to read my mind! It's a good thing that Chris didn't get physical with Rosie. Even if consensual, on tape and her being the initiator, she'd probably accuse him of rape when she got bored (or when her next mood swing occurred in five minutes). The girl is terribly unhinged.

Whatever you might say about Chris, at least he was smart enough to recognize crazy when he saw it and decided to end the relationship, regardless of the fact that she was hot (gah, what was her name again?). Talk about going from zero to psychotic in 5 seconds. Not to mention that annoying habit of saying "like" every other word. Chris had his own truck load of issues, being a nebishy momma's boy among them, but he'll find a sweet, intelligent, geeky, plain-looking girl who will adore him and he'll adore her.

At first I thought she might have urinary tract infection; I doubt that even a panic attack could make her shiver all night long because those kinds of shakes are usually the result of a fever and boy, those shakes just suck. And they sap you of any strength you have. You cannot control your body. But, tapping out so early was ridiculous. She should never have been there in the first place. I'm pissed that she took away a Naked and Afraid spot from someone more deserving. And I also thought I recognized Michael. He seemed a little too full of himself for my tastes. Where do they find these contestants? These two were almost as bad as the young woman in the episode with two teams who didn't know shit about survival but talked a good game. A miraculous pot sighting! How amazingly fortuitous. And completely producer driven.

It would be hilarious if, at 8:43PM ET tomorrow, the screen goes black because the show sucks so much.

Did anyone see anything even resembling an air bag? Maybe I missed it in all the confusion after the crash. Hank knew that the only thing keeping him alive was knowing where the ledger was hidden. If he spilled the beans, he would have been of no use. At least that's how I explained it to myself.

I think it became an issue when reality show contestants/cast members realized that crazy behavior means more air time plus the possibility of becoming a break out star and getting your own show. And all these "pioneers" (really?) believe themselves to be the next Honey Boo Boo. When Red and Dave opened the safe, it seemed to me that they had never held $500 in their hands before this, because if they had, they would have known that $500 doesn't really buy that much these days.