SometimesBites

Yes, Jackie. Quit starting so many sentences with conjunctions, like "but" or "and." Go to Grammar Girl and carefully study up on "dependent clauses." (Hint: a dependent clause can't be a sentence all by itself.) Be extra careful about capitalizing words--it isn't just a best guess sorta deal. Brushing off your truly substandard writing skills by claiming them as a reflection of your "authentic" voice is the transparent excuse of a lazy or under-qualified writer. Claiming you actually fought an editor or publisher for the right to keep them in your writing is a glaring bald-faced lie. The world is onto you, sweetheart. You're digging a hole too deep to crawl out of; this time you're not just going to pay the piper--you're going to do it with egg on your face.

Of course, if Sam had been real ("real" as represented on his blog--millionaire, tall, handsome, church-going vegan, recipe-sharing jet-setter, global business guru who has a team of crack lawyers at his fingertips but never supplies the tiniest verisimilitude of detail about his work), he would never have approached Meri in the first place! Any young man with that level of privilege and success in life would have his pick of beautiful, unattached young things. He would not choose a queen-sized married woman in her mid-forties with bad hair, bad makeup, a discolored tooth, and a reality TV entourage whose idea of interior decorating includes massive numbers of American flags and whose idea of travel is A) a trip to the plyg ranch in Y-oming or B) Disneyland. That is how deep Meri's desperation and delusion was.

Dumpy, tweedle-dee JO writes the following: "In a fight I’m the guy that stands up and says which one wants some of this. Because I’m an arrogant prick due to my size. I’m 6’6″ and tower over most of the guys I see around."Good christ. I come from a family of tall men (grandfather was 6'7") and have several very tall male friends, and here's what I know: most really big guys do NOT indulge in the sort of banty rooster, chest-puffing crap she's describing, because THEY DON'T HAVE TO. In fact the tallest men I know err on the side of walking away or defusing a situation, because they have nothing to prove. What she's written is a perfect description of "small man syndrome." What kind of sick, needy loser sits down hourly at a computer and concocts such a weirdly detailed fantasy persona?? The personal pastimes ranging from regular church attendance to ski trips to house-sitting to fist fighting. The vegan recipe collection next to the post extolling the smell of bacon at the breakfast buffet. Her mind is a frigging snake pit--she has more personalities screaming for attention than Sybil.

I'm not arguing Kody's legal tie to Robyn's three oldest chidren. He is Dad to all 18 kids, but the term "18th" is ordinal, and in ordinal term Ariella is Kody's 15th child. She is Robyn's 5th child. She is their 2nd child together. Ordinal numbers are specifically used to indicate sequence. I understand I'm splitting hairs, but Robyn in particular and the Browns in general are historical revisionists, fabulists, and liars, and even though Kody is their legal guardian, IMO claiming that the new baby is "Kody's 18th child" is playing with terminology in a way that specifically panders to their tendency to embroider the facts.

Second time today I've read "Kody's 18th child." Revisionist history. Ariella Mae Clampett is the 15th child born to Kody Brown by a woman he impregnated. Yes, he is also the legal guardian (or some damn thing) to three bonus kids from Robyn's first marriage, but no matter how many scary portraits Robyn commissions, she just gave birth to Kody's 15th child.

Oh yes. Darling Robyn designed these $50 t-shirts.

You're surely asking so that one of us can type the ludicrous title and giggle again: ALMOST MERI'ED You can't make this shit up. Well...no one SANE can.

I did, too--well, it was 800 miles, and my father plus a couple of childhood friends lived there. I had no job, no car, and no cash. I had a couple of credit cards to survive on until I could find work. I had been out of the job market for many years and my most marketable skill was reasonable intelligence and a simmering desperation. BUT. It took me many, many years in a very bad marriage to finally take that leap, because I was a fundie. There are not words adequate to truly explain how deeply hampering that psychology is. In my experience, those teachings are so limiting, so psychologically impairing, that they create a barrier to change and personal agency that is as close to being physically restrained as one can be without an actual physical cage. I didn't manage to get free until I was 38, and I wasn't even raised in that mess. The beliefs were strong though. I mean, you actually thinkthat breaking away is displeasing to Almighty God! Yeah...that can be just a tad intimidating. Anna was freaking raised in that toxic mindset from INFANCY. We can look in from our personal vantage points and decide there are no victims, only volunteers, but I don't have it in to say that Anna just needs to buck up and change. She DOES... but the fact that she's not doing it now doesn't mean she's just lazy or content to suck off the Duggar tit.

Well alrighty, then. She sure done a mic-drop on that 'un.

Every picture I see of Josie gives me a serious, neck prickling feeling of "Ohh. There are some PROBLEMS here, honey. Mm-hm."

JO is probably hard at work writing all of them at this very moment. Every single thing she writes is so obviously from the same person; this is going to be a deep pocket of loony.

Ariella Mae. Well...it isn't SPURGEON, so I guess that's something. It's purely a matter of taste, and I mean nothing toward the child herself. But if we're throwing in 2 cents about the moniker, in my ears it manages to sound both fey and hillbilly at the same time. I'll show myself out.

Hi guys. Couldn't decide whether to share this in the Josh thread or here; I decided here since it also addresses JB and Big Daddy Seewald's support of Josh directly after the molestation bomb dropped. So it's older--filmed back at the end of May, but it is VERY well argued. They hit several points quite clearly. Whatever your politics might be otherwise, The Young Turks got this right.

Color me tickled that "Samuel" is as giddy as a week-old puppy about the book launch and--ever faithful to the self-constructed echo chamber s/he lives in--has created a review page on hir own website. Prepare for an onslaught of gushing praise from the over 5000 readers who preordered! And remember: most of them are "the international crowd" so JO can attempt to mask hir style by using broken English. Now, I wouldn't spend a nickel for it, but I am quite curious about the book. There's plenty I already know, primarily that it's nothing but the grammatically handicapped ramblings of a really fucked-up attention whore. My curiosity is to know what tap dance s/he'll do around the facts and how s/he'll make good on the explicit promise of photos of them together. Also, s/he claimed s/he would dish about their sexual encounters, so s/he's going to have to 1) lie and NOT include those details, 2) include actual details of virtual sex s/he and Meri engaged in, or 3) completely fabricate sexual encounters with Meri Brown--which would dance hir straight into lawsuit territory. I honestly wonder why s/he's not put the book up on Amazon. There is virtually no barrier to entry, other than some rules about explicit cover images. S/he would also have to navigate the technicalities of setting up an account in Kindle Direct Publishing, which requires pesky things like legal identifying information. WAH-waaa.

Fucking brilliant! I especially love the self-righteous shade thrown at the "immoral" Sister Wives. The Browns are twelve kinds of crazy, but so far we haven't heard that their oldest son molested his little sisters. Pot, meet kettle.

Look out, Meri! Look out People! You've really gotten Jackie mad now--grrrrrr! Wow. The insanity deepens. PS: It looks like Sam just can't get his asshole publisher to give him a decent book cover. Sheesh. What's a millionaire to do?? (Watch a lot of American Idol, I guess...)

*sshhhhhh. Don't use the science thingy words about the preshussss. Inside the mommy's tummy there are sparkly rainbows and tiny golden fireworks that twinkle like diamonds. *tiptoes away...

A. The baby looks like Kody. B. I can't stop staring at Meri's nose. No...her chin. No wait...her nose.

I'm relieved I don't HAVE to watch the show in order to keep abreast of their bullshit (thanks to everyone still willing to take one for the team...) I agree that no one with any substance would come within ten light years of the Browns. Which still leaves their legions of weird admirers. If Kody put out a casting call for #5, women would be crawling out of the woodwork.

Christine looks lovely, Meri looks orange, Janelle looks Xanaxed, Robyn looks fucking smug, and Kody looks worse than I've ever seen him (except for the samurai tail).

Attention, media: married mother of four, after having sex with husband, gives birth to fifth child. Yeah, I can see why People jumped on that. I know I'm gobsmacked.

Yep, that's basically what viewers were hoping to see when this whole thing started. We got a tiny smidgen of it in the first couple of episodes--Christine showing us her food stamp pantry and burning bread to a crisp under the broiler, Logan waking his younger siblings and preparing them a hot breakfast, a half-awake Kody wandering from unit to unit with his hair in a veritable fright wig of stiffening day-old product, the whole family pitching in to clear brush in the yard, the wives helping Christine move her bedroom furniture around, and the kids running to Meri to have her help pull a loose tooth. Those simple daily routines and how the adults worked through the intricacies of plural marriage were actually interesting to me. Fast forward to "Polygamy...Vegas Style!" and their endless primping, bloviating, and outright phony bullshitting, and I can't stand another minute. I hang out here for the snark and the threadbare hope that Kody will knock Robyn off her high perch with an absolutely darling young and fertile fifth wife.

I also think that the discussion of Meri's catfisher belongs on the Meri thread, especially since the supposed outcome of Almost Meri'd is a story about Meri. My two cents.

This tidbit from the Principle (F-LDS) Tumblr should make their connection clear as mud. The "family wreath" is a twisted mess with these people. Every damned one of them is somehow related. Even spouses have blood relatives in common somewhere in the mash. Sister Wives certainly glosses over this snarled rat's nest of connections, though!

The stream-of-consciousness drivel in the "excerpts" sounds like it's probably heavily based on JO's actual life experiences (a drunken parent, lazy asshole uncles), then gussied up with fantasy details. Her constant direct address of the reader is the dead giveaway into her nutty narcissism. Even when she's alone in a room, laboring over her "book," she senses the whole world's eyes peering over her shoulder. But it's the comments that give me real heebie-jeebies. The bitch is actively, strenously talking to herself, making up voices of admireres (Norwegian book clubs! Big time!) She can't see how her own bland, self-absorbed voice comes through loud and clear, no matter how hard she tries diversify. I really was impressed that she dug a couple of words out of a thesaurus, though. "Subjective." oooooh. aaaaah.