Now for a couple short funnies!
"Dad, did you get a haircut?" "No, I got them all cut!"
"My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right!"
"How do you get a squirrel to like you? Act like a nut."
"Why don't eggs tell jokes? They'd crack each other up."
"I don't trust stairs. They're always up to something."
"Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I'm not going to spread it!"
"Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired."
"Dad, can you put my shoes on?" "No, I don't think they'll fit me."
"Why can't a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot."
"This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in."
"Dad, can you put the cat out?" "I didn't know it was on fire."