Pepper Mostly

Dannnnnnnielle is crying and Natalia is blowing her hair off her forehead and thinking "Jesus, this bitch".

Garrick has cranked out his Tucker Carlson derp face. Again.

Her friends are going to be "comforting" her? Hahahahahahahahaha. They're celebrating the wedding with red solo cups. So classy. Oh, Natalia's sad because she already bought the shoes. Poor thing.

Don't worry about jealousy, Jasmine. You haven't met Nick yet. I feel like jealousy won't really be a problem.

Holy moly, that caboose!

Look at Danielle. She looks positively terrified. Rat in a trap.

That idiot just said it out loud. So much for the old excuse, that polygamy in the US among the Mormons was so that women who were left husbandless would have the protection of a husband. Even if he was somebody else's. Though of course that all kinda went south when the lord kept telling dirty old men that they should marry fifteen year old girls. The old "protecting the poor widows" story was a little harder to believe. My guess? Any celebration involving the Merrifields will contain crying.

Oops, Naaem just let it slip. "Its about income". He wants another paycheck. Yeah, Jahari is polyamorous, not a polygamist. That's different. She'd be a grease spot on that ultrasound table.

And rather than stand at Dannnnnnnnielle's side, maybe hold her hand, he stands across the room petting Natalia. He is so gross.

And Garrick is still managing to miss even the sharpest, most jagged point. How can he get his shoes tied every day? I believe its the Church of Garrick's Penis.

GARRICK! Natalia is not "depressed" or "devastated"! She is FURIOUS. And I bet she was hiding her birth control pills under the floorboards.

He paid $11,000 for 300 pairs of sunglasses? Did I hear that right? Madeleine may actually be the financial wizard of this pair. See you over at SSW!

Alex should call his bluff. "Sure, we can have a threesome! But we have to mix it up. Hey, sauce for the goose"

His loins are perpetually tickled.

You know, I once saw someone referred to, unironically, in an article as a "pie artist". And I thought, "Huh, who'd have thought it. So many weird jobs these days." And now, here's Kyle. Professional Masturbator. What a time to be alive.

"In Australia, they really love their threesomes!"

He bamboozles them with double talk about how it works better the old fashioned way. And they're so wound up and anxious to have a baby they'll do anything. He's a sicko.

AND NOW HE'S PATTING HER KNEE, WITH THE HANDS HE WAS, JUST MOMENTS AGO, ADJUSTING HIS BALLS WITH! SWEET JESUS.

God this guy is such a gross, weedy, oaf. I bet he smells bad.

Madeleine is the best lover he's ever had. Professional quality, if you know what I mean.

She works "really hard" at her salon. Twenty clients a month. Poor girl's killing herself.

"Rub me the wrong way" was an unfortunate choice of words.

Shawn looks so desperately uncomfortable.

I cannot get past Sean's huge head. It looks like it was hewn from granite and stuck onto his body. Its mesmerizing and horribly fascinating. I thought she was moving out?

Have you gotten rid of Problem Roommate yet?