CletusMusashi

I hated last week, but grudgingly gave it one more chance. Loved this one! Oh, sure, it's silly and has plot holes you could drive a plagiarized DeLorean through, but it's the right kind of silly! All of the Team Legend characters who are still alive, I like. Even Rip is kind of fun, as long as he's sufficiently butt-monkied by the troops. Loved Canary as a 70s bimbo, wish they'd stay in that era for a while and do more of that. Kendra needs to put on some hotpants and have zany 70s hijinks with her and Stein. If they do go to another era next week, I'm hoping it's the mid to late 60s. And everything is exactly like in the Adam West 'verse.

Chick Hawk can stay. I agree with the mythos not translating well, but damn she's pretty. And that cast is way too big for White Canary to balance out all the sausage by herself. We need more women on that show, stat!

I don't understand what the Time Masters or whatever they're called gain by deciding to stay neutral. Do they seriously believe that a dictator who controls the entire planet isn't going to just help himself to their technology?

Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition.

1. Since it can not possibly be said enough times, Rip is totally a poor man's Doctor Who. And not in the good way, like Inspector Spacetime was. 2. Why are all of these heroes so easy to shoot with knockout guns? How do they know the gun doesn't shoot hawktomite? Or anti-atomium? Or just... really good bullets or rays utilizing alien/alternate/futuristic technology? If Rip has the superpower to tell people: "I'm not here to kill you," and then shoot them, why not use that mojo on the bad guys? 3. Doesn't the distant future somehow have technology that allows you to show holograms to a group of people... without also giving a lightshow to any Muggle or bountyhunter who happens to be outside at the moment? Or looking out a window? 4. So Hawkman settles his girl disagreeing with him by saying she can do what she wants... if she wins the fight. And then she does things his way, after he wins the fight. Yeah, that's a nice message. But, see, it's okay, because ultimately she decided he was right. After he made her try it his way. Apparently by beating the shit out of her. To establish that her way was wrong. God forbid they just spent that off-camera time talking, and then explained what convinced her. Nope. Just get her off-camera, and start punching. Wrong superhero name, Cockman. 5. So did "Arrow" actually finally turn into a real superhero show? I watched... most of Season 1, might even have finished it, but it was often so dull that I'm not actually sure, and it seemed determined to name-drop as many DC characters as possible, while making all of its villains as flatly un-comic'y as possible, while taking great pains to insure that the main story arc moved at an abysmally glacial pace. But this show made it look like it's actually fun nowadays. If so, I approve. 6. Vandal Savage sucks. The Renaissance didn't arise from the Dark Ages. There are over half a dozen CENTURIES between those time periods! I could just say "writers are dumb," but I prefer to say "Savage is an egomaniac who has interpreted everything in history through his own sense of how he thinks the world works." Either that, or "He knows how little understanding of history the average man has, so he doesn't even bother trying to do plausible lies any more, because on the rare occasion that they raise an eyebrow he'll just kill them." Time will tell which interpretation I go with, if either. But I like having personal peeves to hate him for. Because "Hard to kill, wants to rule the world, has lots of power," just isn't that interesting to watch. What are we, chopped liver? Would it kill ya to put on a funny costume? 7. I'm surprised by the number of posts from people going into the this series relatively cold and honestly liking it. To me, it felt like a spinoff from a show I've never seen had a baby with a show that I lost interest in years ago. Hopefully it will find its own schtick, and focus on guest characters that I am not supposed to know as well from the others. I like the idea of liking it, but I'm not hooked yet, and if next week is the same I'll probably see a shiny object somewhere and wander off. 8. Enjoyed the bar fight as much as everybody else. Come on, what's not to love? 9. Really wish I didn't feel like once a numbered list of points gets past four it has to reach ten. 10. So it won't. But overall, I fell like this was, for me, not as accessible a pilot as it could have been. And I understand perfectly well why they don't want to rehash character points that many if not most viewers have already spent time learning. But that doesn't change the fact that the "Oh, it's a spinoff! They already know who Angel and Mork and Weezie are!" loophole is getting a little bit stretched with modern comic shows.

Not only did Vasquez have to kill his zombie wife and daughter... but he had to BEAT them to death, because he was already out of bullets. Does Roberta know all the details of that story, I wonder? Because, if so, then it very slightly excuses her for allowing that macho fisticuffs climax with Escorpion last week.

I enjoyed the whole thing, but do wish they'd simply said "fuck it" and shot Escorpion at the end. "He has to do this" my ass. Vasquez was starved, beaten, dehydrated, and not nearly in the same weight class to begin with. And he still had to play by "brute force" rules in order to put down a mass murderer? That's just stupid. They should have just taken the shot and let him whine about it afterwards. Or better yet, give us the "Firefly" version. "This is something he has to do himself." "No I don't!" "Oh, OK!" BANG!

I think Jeff privately had Joe and Terry wrestle for it. In their underwear. And then paid another hundred grande for their underwear.

Yes, but in his defense: he didn't say the show was going to be different. Maybe he's just planning to grow a mustache.

Well, I finally trudged through the last few episodes yesterday. So Jeremy won, eh? Just like we all knew on, like... episode three? Yeah. Big surprise. But I did laugh at how over-the-top he went, though, pulling an uber-Savage at the jury and sobbing about his family TO THE RAFTERS! Totally reminded me of the "Oscar-winning scene" from Wayne's World. Jeff needs to put his stupid hat back on. That Rogaine shit is getting way out of control. This season had a few great moments. But not enough. Honestly, I think it's the dullest one that I've ever finished, and I've finished most of them. And next season they're bringing back a gimmick that was stupid the first time? It might be the first season I don't even bother starting.

Stay tuned for a special Christmas episode, in which she smashes out his teeth with a hammer and forces him into a life of tree-decoration slavery. I mean, hey, everyone thought it was adorable when Herbie the elf did it... And then maybe Rick can have him lead the Easter parade.

Of course we'll care. And there will be much rejoicing! She must be. She doesn't have glasses.

A Wolf, pledged to murder and strife, was attacked by a dame with a knife. She was beat with a stick. He escaped with a trick. Jailor Morgan said: "Yay... 'cause of life."

Well, in Morgan's defense, he's been onscreen for a few episodes longer now. That means the writers have had that much more time to pussify him. At this point, he's lucky if he can even take down one person. Next episode he won't even be able to arm wrestle Judith.

Poor Keith. Was he even given the immunity necklace after he won? Or did he have to go over and pick it up off the muddy ground himself, while Jeff was busy crying and pulling hair implants out and trying to massage life back into Joe's buttocks?

I think the Carol/Morgan faceoff was meant to be a shoutout to all the dancing around that Rick and Shane used to do. Rick repeatedly chose to let Shane live, long after he should have. Because he didn't want to kill him. And Shane repeatedly gave Rick warnings, because in Shane's mind, an ideal outcome might actually be Rick killing Shane, thereby establishing himself as the stronger alpha, and therefore best equipped to take care of Lori. Here's the thing, though. Rick and Shane was a good story, but it was a different story. Shane did a lot of really good things before he went crazy. That, combined with a lot of history as Rick's friend, bought him some forgiveness. Morgan is not early Rick. Morgan is a ridiculous parody of early Rick. And Carol isn't challenging Morgan openly because she honestly believes that if Morgan can win a frontal assault against an injured woman with a much smaller weapon it somehow makes him more useful to the group than a Cardigan ninja. She's challenging him openly because they want to do an homage to Rick and Shane, and are too lazy to write it intelligently.

I liked the idea of the confrontation between Carol and Morgan, but not the execution. The Carol we know doesn't fight like a fratboy who's just agreed to "step into the parking lot and say that." Carol fights like an ambush predator. Her opponents tend to die before they even realize she's attacking them. One issue I have is that she just stood there, holding the knife in front of her, not making any attempt to actually close distance and stab the Wolf. Showing her only card and then standing there trying to convince Morgan, who is armed with a much, much bigger card, just isn't the Carol that we all know and fear. I also wasn't a fan of that half-assed attempt at a fencing grip that she was attempting to do with a trench knife. She was holding the thing like she really expected to be able to parry a staff using just that little blade. A reverse grip would have made more sense. I mean, her immediate threat is a staff, which can either attack low (which the knife doesn't have enough reach to defend against no matter what, so just hope for the best,) or high, which could maybe be blocked by the knuckle rings. My money would still be on Morgan, because a staff's long and quick and can threaten a lot of different targets in a very short period of time. But at least it would look like she had some kind of plan. Also, if your real target, the one you are actively concerned with killing, is tied up on the floor, a reverse grip can stab him to death quicker. Meaning you have a better chance of making him dead before you yourself are beaten down with a stick. Presumably, once the Wolf is dead, Morgan will bitch and cry and you can offer to find him a nice goldfish, but once he no longer has anyone to defend he will probably stop trying to knock you out. So Carol's agenda should have been to go after the murderer as quickly as possibly, not to just pointlessly wave a knife at the guy who's holding a five foot long club. I'd like to have seen her push past him, go downstairs, see the prisoner, and then have their argument. And then pull out her knife and try to rush over for the kill. Morgan could still stop her. The narrative could remain intact. But so would characterization.

We were not.

And through the entire thing, they'd have to keep showing Spencer listening to that Dave Mathews song. On vinyl, of course.

But shouldn't the Wolf version be "Dave Growl?"

Unfortunately, that would involve something impossibly high-tech. Like a pointy stick.

Meat Drapes: Chris Hardwick's term for zombie gut camouflage.

It's also hilarious how immaculate Jessie's hair is.

How dare you conflict me like that? Sit through a terrible show that used to be good... for a show with Chris Hardwick? Or sit through a show that was never meant to be good on its own... for a show with Tak? I must admit that I am tentatively voting for your proposal.