ElDosEquis

Take some dental floss and wrap it around your fingers. Use that to cut the cranberries for even, presentable slices. It's a good thing? Anytime you have to show up to court, you are pretty much fucked.

I leave the air freshener on the vanity, so there is no need for anyone to open any drawers or cabinets. That and I put a sign up inside the medicine chest that says "We are out of aspirin". If I think you opened the up the MC while you were in there, I'll innocently say, "Were YOU the one that asked me for an aspirin?" Just for shits and giggles.

After the dust is to have settled and the fire put out with a kettle And to add to the pain there's a rug with a stain and wedding in which to meddle? ------ I can only imagine the mess that Do would have to address aside from the clown trying to burn the house down! How does she handle the stress?

It's great fun to watch Beffy mine her friends for information, then when it comes time to share HER problems/trials, she clams up and claims some kind of psychic/mental injury (real or imagined) that prevents her from sharing any info with whoever she is talking with. the reason for her 'cloak of secrecy' is anyone with half a brain will see that she overstates her situation - I wonder what vile shit she is guilty of that she'll never admit to as the marriage went south? I can only imagine the fuckery they BOTH engaged in, yet we only get to hear about the 'torture' this knucklehead had to put up with? I know a woman who was raised by the most vile, abusive mother on the planet. She was sent to school in dirty clothes, she was mentally abused and had to fend for herself when she was kicked out of the house. Those were a few of the slights she had to endure growing up..... I laughed every time I heard her stories of rampant abuse because I grew up in the same house never saw one shred of the horseshit she spewed about my parents - especially my mother. Matter of fact? The running joke in the family - after hearing all the stories of how she was the one that suffered the most during our childhood - was for someone to say, "Where was I while that was happening in the house?". My dear old sister forgot that my parents paid for her to go to and graduate from a private high school, they paid for her nursing school and allowed her to live rent free in their rental property.. My parents were real assholes, wouldn't you agree?

You know, Chicken, taters and green beans sounded good. But a meatloaf, taters and lima beans - along with some handmade 'powder milk biscuits' sounded just as good?

Listening to Beffy's 'life struggles' is like owning a car with a cassette player in the dash and owning ONE cassette tape to play on it. It's the same song and dance over and over again.

Perfect description! Beffy would NEVER share any of her life with the others because they'd laugh at her problems- the same way she laughs at her castmates? I'd like to give her credit for separating her 'personal trials' from her show persona, but she loses me when she declares open season on the other women, yet claims her bullshit is off limits?

I was a Girl Scout, Carole did shout and began to scramble about Her only desire was to start a fire and was forced to then put it out. ------- Do is the ultimate host. "she'll make it nice" is her boast She is the godmother fairy - Of Ocean Spray cranberries And that impressed me the most.

There once was a woman so crass Who often spoke of dick and of ass Her life is her ex and speaking of sex and her life as a miserable lass.

As long as you don't mind the dirty rhymes?

LOL, I thought those were the lines from the can.

Things NOT to do as a guest in someone's home. 1) Eat all the cheese. 2) Dog the hostess. 3) Bring your personal angst in, This is a PARTY, no one really cares. 4) Touch a stereo, television or fireplace - no matter HOW qualified you are to operate any of the aforementioned items. 5) Spill shit on the rug (Points for owning up to it.) 6) Engage in a convo, then retreat and review it with your flying monkey sidekick. Refrain for engaging in any of the previous behaviors and watch what you drink - Now you are prepared for an evening/weekend of fun and good times........

Either she just cashed a check or she wasn't going to allow her stash to get farther then arm's length away?

Do has a house in the Berkshires Almost lost to a fool's fire. The gathering? quite scary but we were saved by cranberries and of Beff? We have officially tired. ---- There once was a tortured lass Who remained alive in the past But what really was sick Her search for diamond-ed dick and her ability to act like an ass. ------ I could see Lulu's NOT wanting to invite any of the hags to the wedding. I could see the ceremony getting to the point where the "does anyone object to this marriage" question is asked and Sonja, Ramona, Beffy and Carole all stand up at the same time, then start a fight amongst themselves because THEIR reason is the best for the cntess NOT to get hitched.

Fuck the instructional video. Buy the kind of can you can open from either end. Using a can opener, open one end of the can and remove the lid. Flip the can over a dish and just pierce the lid about 1/8 of an inch, then blow into the hole. With a little practice you can get the contents to fall just right on the plate.

Well, nothing wrong with being crazy or drinking too much, But when you combine both? Now everyone has to babysit her to keep her from falling down the stairs or starting a fistfight with someone else. Instead of having fun at an event, I have to be a 'lifeguard' or a 'referee' for this pinhead the whole evening?

No wonder beffy is so lonely...... She can tell if a man can shoot diamonds out of his dick and is very upset she can't find a man that can do the same for her. ------ One of my sisters was married to the 'worst man on the planet'. If I didn't know her, I'd probably be more inclined to believe everything she said about him. Beffy has an air of desperation - and the need to assure everyone that she is suffering some kind of trauma that no one would ever understand. Ever. It's the kind of trauma that would break us mere mortals, but because she is Beffy Frankelstein, a creature made up of nothing but tears, fears and bravery? She can laugh (or cry) in the face of adversity. --------------- I can see her and Kyle Richards sitting on a couch, trying to 'out pity' each other.... BF: Oh my god, Jason is such an asshole..... KR::I know how you feel, Back when Mo and I were living in a two bedroom apartment, I had to be the handyman because Mo sucks at fixing things... BF: Jason said I was just like my mother.... ---------- People talk about men saying a good indicator on how he treats the women in his life is based on his relationship with his mother. I don't trust women who don't have a good relationship with their mothers.

Fresh rolls, too.

Beffy giving marriage advice. Priceless.

Pretend to be married so I can have a view of the city? I can do it.

And beffy knows what a thirty year old guy does with his penis and every guy that didn't get laid in high school gets money later on in life. She is a fucking pathetically hilarious.

As opposed to 'Almost Thrown on her Back" Monday? Then, the other hags could have made jokes about not being able to take the Cntess anywhere without her ending up on her back...... ------------ Don't rag on Jill, OK?

Why aren't the Haus Hags doing an intervention with Sonja's living conditions? what about SN-sley playing tonsil hockey with strangers? Why hasn't anyone sat down with beffy and vetted her dating habits? ------------ I dated a woman who - during the winter - slept with the window open when the temp outdoors was in the mid forties. Do's house being 64 degrees reminded me of the "thermostat wars' that take place in an office. The hand that adjusts the thermostat, is the hand that heats the room.

Does living off the grid, Naked and Afraid and building little houses count?

If you can smell your genitals when you go to the bathroom, you probably should use the whole bottle?