Drogo

My current eating habit is a bag of chocolate coconut almonds I picked up at Costco. It’s like always getting the best bite of an Almond Joy. But with dark chocolate. (…is chocolate a carb?)

Ok, I’m ready, bring on the excuses.

In this photo she looks like Dollar Tree’s version of Chantal, on fourth grade Picture Day? Hey Memphis say “bitchass-slutass-whore” for us real quick. Find a mirror, probably.

It's been a minute since I've done one of these, so be gentle with me -- **In case you missed the episode, here's a quick visual recap! JOHNNY: JOHNNY'S MOTHER: ELLA: ------------------- JASMINE: GINO: ------------------ XIMENA: MIKE: ------------------ SISTER HAMZA: HAYET: MEMPHIS: HAMZA: ------------------ MARIA: CALEB: ALINA:

Premieres Monday, January 10 at 9:30PM ET/PT

I just wanted to tell Memphis "Honey it doesn't matter how slowly you pronounce 'ejaculate' it's still not going to be one of the five English words he knows.

Caleb probably doesn't have friends. Guys who do flips in the desert and film it for their story and/or walk into a store and demand a stretch poplin shirt in size XXS and a color with a food name are typically lone wolves raccoons. I kind of dug Maria. These two idiots show up empty-handed for dinner (a big no-no visiting most homes but, in my experience, certainly a Russian's home) meanwhile Maria bought what looks like a $50 bakery cake (fanshee!) for this get together and also prepared a homemade sangria (?) pitcher and a lovely meal which Caleb wasn't touching. She had probably reached her douchecanoe quota for the day when suddenly - Caleb: "That sounds like a conversation I should be having with her, without your stupid ass involved." Maria: "K, fuck you then, I'll have a conversation with her, without your stupid ass involved." (sees his salt, raises him a pepper, proceeds to speak in Russian)

I’m going to say Caleb is an atypical dude bro with fboi tendencies. Every word out of his mouth is accompanied by 150 other stupid useless words. Has anyone even asked him why he raided the 1992 World Wrestling Federation storage unit and stole their pants? If he thought enough to get her a baby carrier and he thought enough about sex to bring a bunch of condoms with him, a reasonable guy would’ve thought a little about the physics, and considered Maybe I Should Ask Her To Enlighten Me On How This Works. He’s a shit who thinks this makes him look good. There’s probably an in-person douchebag aura that made Elijah and Maria instantly dislike him.

He has a strong Milton Waddams of Office Space resemblance, and therefore should look around for his stapler.

Watching a translator app demolish a conversation between two crying adults about not being able to have children is just painful. “We’ve talked about this about wanting to have at least one more kid. She knows it’s always been a dream of mine.” —-> Mike, you have never talked to her. You don’t know her, not even at surface level. Everything about your relationship is artificial.

“She’s fine down there by herself” doesn’t inspire a ton of confidence.

There we go. Not us, though.

We'd have to ping the almighty. @ByTor would you be so kind?

You're my new favorite. (Killing the old favorite, BRB.)

SteVen and Alina: Cold Turkey

And only one oxycodone dealer/tax evader.

I thought that guy was Christian's understudy.

"There's more important things than money. Like shit-talking."

They'll vote then Julie will talk to people who left before jury and then they'll read results.

An HOHperson in charge An HOHperson in charge An HOHperson in charge

"My biggest mistake was being an amazing teammate." Someone give this asshole a Wet Willie.

Welp this jury interview section is about to be a shitshow.

Waiting for Derf: "X you should keep me because I CARRIED YOU HERE."

Of course SB can paint. Why not... And Ky continues his lifelong mission of overcomplicating what should be simple things.