candall

First, I love trees. I've never once in my life been happy to see a tree chopped down. So mad, gleeful billy goat Kody cutting down that beautiful pine seriously pissed me off, and then he had the nerve to brag about the THOUSAND OTHER TREES he's felled. . . 🤬 I was rooting for the tree to flatten him. Thank goodness Robyn knew the right way to stop him from sawing down every last tree standing there. Because he would moved straight on to the next one if she hadn't extracted a promise to clean up one before starting on another. And even then he whined about whether he could do all the cleanup in six months. Has this guy just left dead rotting trees on the ground everywhere he's been? Ooh. Like I needed another reason to despise Kody Brown.

I really disliked the experts' attempt to split the blame down the middle between Ick and Em. To me, he's just a big passive-aggressive, non-verbal baby-man gaslighter who's been jerking her around like she's on The Scrambler ride at the carnival.

I think the right salon could easily flowbee David into Chiwetel Ejiofor's twinkly-eyed younger brother. And who wouldn't want Chiwetel? He's a sharp-looking dude. 🥰

Adding in to what I said above, I think Michelle is embarrassed to be faced with the cold hard fact that she's so (uptight and) conventional. She probably truly believed she was the unconventional, fun, iconoclast rulebreaker--as she lavishly described herself and the person she was looking for. So interesting for David to say, "Hey, what she said? That's EXACTLY how I am!" Yep. It's too bad the therapist didn't hold Michelle's feet to the fire, even when she got her alone. Michelle was super-defensive; she knew she was one step away from being exposed as the very basic superficial person she is. For her--as for so many--the external matters more than what's inside a person.

100%. That's exactly what I came here to say. David's most notable physical characteristic is the big lopsided poodle pom-pom hanging off the side of his head and it sets Michelle's teeth on edge every time she looks at him. She even said that she gets up every morning [alone in her own room], determined to be more open, but almost immediately shuts down [boom, there's that stupid pom pom. Grrrrr.] I think she knows it's not cool to be so superficial and she's doing her best to deflect her criticism onto his living situation and other, more appropriate, "flaws." Grooming eyebrows that have a full bushel basket of beard below and a giant cluster of hair grapes directly above--kind of like spitting into the sea. But you'd have to be blind not to catch the subtext of Michelle wanting to tidy up David's, umm, eyebrows.

So long, Johnny Depp.

Vanja's new musclehead Tinder date: "She's exactly my type." Me: "Easy?"

I love you, Christine, but sweetheart, you do not have a waist. Out of the zillions of wedding dress designs, I'm sure there are several created specifically to draw attention away from the waist. An empire silhouette, draped from under the bosom? Was there not one person in that whole bunch who could figure out what she needed? I see Paedon is featured next week. Booo. To me, his passive-aggressive "jokes" and pronouncements and his disapproval just reek of Kody. He's a shit chip off the old block. On the other hand, I am loving Aspyn. (Who always reads as "Aspirin" to me in the closed captioning.) She wasn't sure about the whirlwind nature of the romance at first, but she's all in now and it warms my heart to see her rooting for her mother every step of the way. Janelle, once again, is a good friend to Chrisine and doesn't let slip one iota of wistfulness or resentment that her sister wife is finally having what neither of them had before. "I'll probably just stand on a mountaintop in my jeans." 💕 I felt a nervous shiver when David bragged about his immaturity, but he won me back with the wedding cake decision. "Can't make up your mind, darling? Order them all. No, not little ones--BIG ones. Let's have all the wedding cake in the world." Yay! David is 5000 times better than Kody just for that one generous, extravagant gesture.

Exactly! It's like the payoff we earned by sticking it out through sixteen-plus seasons of these three women sucking it up and "staying sweet." Go ahead and let 'er rip, ladies; tell us what you really think.

I think Meri needs to send Janelle a muffin basket. Until Janelle showed up and put a bug in her ear, Meri appeared to be planning to just go along trusting ol' Kodes to be fair and ethical and give everyone her due. But just look at the names on the deeds, Meri. You barely squeaked onto the ownership roster! Meri's right that no one's taking care of Meri except Meri, but I think she's mainly aware of that necessity because of Janelle.

Oh boy, I finally remembered something peripherally significant from this goofy show. They needed to re-draw the property lines because initially the four wives were each going to build on one of four parcels. (There was a big dustup about Meri being too shaded if her designated section was the woodiest section.) And then suddenly Kody decided he wanted his own chunk of land, separate and distinct from everyone else. He picked the land that has the horrible sewage water runoff "lake" and blathered something about how his lot would be the fun family gathering area, with the swimming and so forth. I can't remember whether Kody said anything about building his own house at CP, but I do recall he was once whining about always having to stay at this wife's house or that wife's house and sometimes he wished he could have the privacy of his own place.

"Why does Ingrid keep judging me on my past? As a four-time divorced drug dealer ex-con who hasn't seen 45 in a decade? Why can't she just judge me as the person I let her believe I am? It's because she's prejudiced against me for being in a wheelchair, isn't it?"

Is it Loren, or am I the one missing something? He seems to think he'll be just fine picking up any old unskilled labor job because it's so inexpensive to live in the Philippines. COST OF LIVING WORKS BOTH WAYS, YOU SYPHILITIC SMIRKING MORON. The security guard/farmhand/fishing/cleaner/cook job isn't going to pay US minimum wage money! Does he think the people in Faith's family are living in that house with the matchstick walls because they're lazy? Like everyone else, I'm very sorry that the American who showed up for Faith had to be Ick Loren and not some rich guy who would've swept her off her feet back to America. Ditto Matilda.

I'm only 15 minutes in, but I doubt if anything else in this show is going to give me as much pleasure as Corona slapping down that ultimatum and Ingi refusing to pick it up. Back to the show. . .

Yes! Much as I believe Janelle loves Christine, it must burn just a little that Christine slipped the leash so easily and ended up with the proceeds from her Flagstaff house. Janelle has been trying to maximize her Coyote Pass stake for years. She lived in an RV, emptying a chem toilet and toting in water cans. She lived in one generic rental unit apartment after another while the other wives were in big houses. She got soil samples and drew up plans to make her section profitable with greenhouses and whatnot. And now Kody's stringing her along like a catnip mouse. "I might need to lawyer up." GET THE DAMN LAWYER!!! Does she have some thought in her head that Kody is eventually going to partition the land fairly and equitably of his own free will? Once she moves away, she doesn't have much hope of seeing a dime come back to her from Coyote Pass. I think she visited Meri, after such a long silence between them, because she realized she and Meri have a mutual interest in getting their money out of Coyote Pass and they could present a united front. But I guess Meri is prepared to wait another ten years hoping for a crumb from Kody.