smartyshorts

As soon as the judges declared Jake the winner. I turned off my tv, threw down the remote and started barking.. "Nope NOPE. Absolutely No Way. Done." to... no one. I was alone. Thanks for letting me know who got auf'd but I cannot deal with a grown ass precocious person. At least this week's boot wasn't yet ANOTHER international contestant. They bounced three accents in a row! Merline annoys me and makes me sad. The hats.. no thanks.

^^^^Yes. Yes you are. It's why I have to take a break now and then. My brain can't process Soap Opera non logic for too long so I start watching Star Trek reruns in the afternoon. At least futuristic sci fi makes sense.

I hope that putting St Maya up on higher and higher pedestals will mean she falls that much harder and faster. Pill addiction? Buy a baby on the black market due to Baby Rabies? Finally just out right kills someone in front of witnesses? How do you Solve a Problem Like Saint Mayaaaaa? I'm still not watching and I am so glad I haven't. Are they repurposing any of Ally's flower arrangements for this Fabu wedding of the... month? Could someone post pictures of the dresses? I've heard wonderful things about Maya's and Brooke's dresses I will be damned if I tune in again any time soon. Anna Y, are you me? As for that Clip, Maya and Rick can stuff their sorries in a sock.

That short sleeved tight blouse and skinny tie scream "Hipster Douche". Is that what is hot in Paris right now? Better than his OBVIOUSLY painted on abs. I'm pretty sure I saw a better belly makeup job on an episode of Its Always Sunny in Philadelphia, and those guys were dressed as war hero chickens! So the Caroline "no...yess" make out sesh was a dream sequence, right? Because her with her legs in his lap for wearing such a short robe that one wrong move and the Good China would be on display, then not jumping up and grabbing a frying pan when he locked the door... well seems like just the kind of 'Letters to Penthouse' fantasy this stunted man- child would have.

Good to know I will have an extra half hour a day to read or pay bills or reorganize my closest. Because those spoilers all say NOPE to me. I don't need these imaginary narcissists to get me mad, its too hot for that in the afternoon. Should EVERY storyline be dull and repetitive as well as offensive? At this point unless there's a Pam and Charlie wedding and then they open a bakery/ P. I. firm, what's the point?

I had to watch Liam break up with ivy at the funeral. Right in front of the memorial table of flowers and pictures. Because I guess I was morbidly curious if Show could get any worse than Ridge trying to upstage his Thorne at his only child's funeral. And you know what, it did. It got worse. I was with ivy when she kept asking that drifter in a suit " You want to do this NOW? Like, RIGHT now. Do you see the flowers and the photos?" Because he couldn't even wait until the next day.. or at least go to another location so he wasn't breaking up right over Aly's figurative casket when he KNEW his relationship with Steffy was a trigger for poor Aly. Nope, had to be done, I guess he figured this is one time Aly couldn't yell at him about it. I wish one of those photos had mysteriously flown across the room and hit him right upside his soft head. . He is the absolute worst. Wyatt can have a seat in the TimeOut corner. Be quiet and think about the things you've said Wyatt. Fold your hands and face the corner, I will tell you when you can come out. Thank the Lord for small favors that we haven't had to listen to Saint Maya and Deposed Emperor Rick talk to anyone or each other about lost troubled Ivy and how she so mysteriously went off the rails out of nowhere. And how her tragic death means they should probably go upstairs and have sex.

Well I am out for a while. That rushed living room funeral (where they didn't even have enough CHAIRS, just the sofas pushed together) was insulting enough. It's like they all woke up the day after the Roadside Incident and decided "lets throw a funeral! I'll make some punch!" But the fact that Thorne didn't get to be the last speaker at his own child's funeral was just too much for me to digest. That struck such a discordant note with me that I don't want to see any of these people for a good long while to avoid a rage blackout. Liam can just be consumed by one of his tight suits or infest that scraggly facial hair with lice. But he needs to shut up forever, about everything. Ivy is looking stunning. Too bad Show seems gung go about making her insufferable. I guess Fun! steffy is down to just one or one and a half "cha's" since she has Serious Lady Pulled Back Hair, instead of going Full Barbarella .

Up with this shit, I will not put. The only explanation I can come up with is that Aly is NOT most sincerely dead. Ivy and Steffy just THOUGHT she was. The Emt's are imposters or incompetent, so both girls we allowed to go before the cops arrived. Which is some straight bullshit in itself. But the alternative is just too awful to contemplate. Poor Thorne, did anyone even tell him where his baby girl was? What hospital? The coroner's? Is she still laid out on the side of the highway? Or are we still supposed to be basking in the glow of Rick and Maya's engagement? At least Aly will get what she wanted, vilification of Steffy. Possibly a halt to the DogAwful California Freedom campaign. Nicole can dork shuffle off the end of a short runway anytime. Free Zende!

Peach so good to know you are out there in the world living life, spending time with family and breathing the air of free afternoons.

I haven't had a chance to post lately but I have definitely been lurking. All I can add to the general discussion is that now I officially hate Liam. I don't even want to call him Waffles anymore because waffles are delicious either alone or with sweet buttery toppings. But this "guy" is the literal worst. My viewing partner turned to me at one point and said... did the door even swing all the way closed before he went from "You are absolutely the One and I will punch at invisible bees to show you how I will never stop fighting to be with you and only you", to " well Whatserface said No, so let's make it work, Other Brunette"? I guess if Liam is your boyfriend/ fiance/ husband... you can't ever leave him alone. Because even if he assures you thoroughly and with Sincerity (squinty eyed dohhhh, Okay face), that you're having steak for dinner, if someone else talks to him for an uninterrupted two minutes... I hope you like fish. Because anyone can talk him into anything. I wonder if that Nigerian Prince has his email address. That was a long way to go to say this guy is a damp musty dishcloth and I can't believe anyone would put up with this nonsense. To quote StefFish about Ivy.. "She's a Forrester, she'll be okay". I want Ivy to run from this fish bellied fool, but now I want her to cause Maximum Damage on her way out. Not just a broken vase either. Push him out of his Vice presidency at Forrester Creations, demand Spencer Pub stock in return for a speedy annulment. Inject him with pubic crabs somehow. Bang Bill, or Carter, or Othello for good measure.. since according to Liam, you are 'just dating and getting to know each other.' I hope ivy got something IN WRITING about her citizenship status from incompetent but still smug INS guy. On a more positive note.. G'Damn but Quinn looks good. Marriage agrees with her.

Triangle of Doom is a pretty recent construct...in show terms. Did it start with them? I started viewing more regularly around the time Amber was scamming Mushmouth and Liam with a baby, And the whole BoinkBerry nonsense. I missed the Pose! Wall smash, but I heard about it later. I mean, was there some definitive line in the sand when Bell and the Showrunners decided that there would be One Great Story to Rule Them ALL, and that everyone would pay homage to that story or be smote. When Katie was banging Bridget's husband, when Taylor returned from the dead a second time, even when Stephanie went walkabout amongst the homeless...it didn't SEEM like every conversation was about one thing, one relationship, one couple and what they may or may not be doing.

Tricknasty, I hope you will be available to comfort my grieving family because I. AM. DEAD. So, why is Wyatt going after Steffy again? Because this might've been the first time they've actually spoken to each other. Am I supposed to buy that he fell for her reputation alone? does Steffy do butt stuff? When did this show become about the same five people having the SAME conversation for days on end? I swear I 've been hearing about Steffy pushing up on Ivy's "man" since around Mother's Day. And if we have questions about why Aly was in the executive meeting, can we address why CARTER was? I could see that maybe he had to bring in the papers to sign, but why was he still there by the time the models came out? Why was he offering his opinion on the 'collection'? Where the hell was BROOKE? Was she pushed out of Forrester along with Eric Jr and Sr? $Bill would've made more sense being there. I guess at this point I'm glad the takeover is a done deal, and I can stop listening to these numbskulls doing basic math every 3 minutes.

So was $Bill pushing Rick's buttons so that it would ultimately Rick who "decided" which was the takeover would go? Because no he gets to do what Team Ridge wanted him to do, but can still say to Eric...well I TRIED. Because one thing I did NOT see him do was sign anything or actually SAY..."You've got my vote/shares". Couldn't all of the plans now be nixed? Because all everyone kept saying they wanted was Rick gone. Now that Rick has punched his way out the door, there's no NEED for the takeover anymore. Eric can finally name Loading Dock Guy (Or Thorne, or RJ...or hell, RIDGE for shits n giggles) as CEO and we can all go back to our regularly scheduled scheming and no stock has to change hands. I'm just so happy this seems to be the end of this head spinningly stupid Hostile Takeover story.

Daaa-aaad!! Stand up for me, I'm just too weak and pathetic to stand up for myself without Maya propping me up. Dad ---*crickets*

In all of her heart felt confessing, did Maya ever say the words..."II was born male"? She talked about sex being determined in utero, then seemed to skip to trachea shaves. Oh well. As soon as Maya grabbed her bag, my Mr Shorts and I yelled out "car accident!" Like we were at a midnight showing of Rocky Horror Picture Show. So after months of almost, then the tense race against time and Spencer Publications... Maya got to tell Rick just the way she wanted. With no interruptions from his Google alerts. I cry Foul. Why'd they even bother with all of the build-up? And as insufferable as New Friend Nick is.. I did enjoy him cracking Nicole's smug face. Yeah Nicole, tell your week-long boyfriend YOUR secrets, if you must. Putting your sister on blast was the definition of RATCHED. Hopefully it means she will shoulder shrug dance her way off of our screen for good. And maybe bring in Maya's judgemental small town parents instead. I have to say this was handled with sensitivity and Mind Numbing Boredom.

At the end of US show on Friday, did Wyatt actually tell Liam "Defcon 4Secret?" I remember a lot of pursed lips the Liam saying What is it, tell me. And Wyatt just exclaiming to fire up the presses, but I can't for the life of me remember if he actually said the words. If not, Wyatt could still be salvaged. Rick would never hurt me.. famous last words.

I think since everyone seems to be finding out within hours of each other, Wyatt will be able to spin it that Spencer Pub got the story from someone or somewhere else. Either way that HollaBack girl needs to shuffle/ball/change right on back to wherever she's from after this.

I don't think those two crazy in love kids are gonna make it to Big bear without this secret being blasted from the pa system of passing ice cream trucks and interrupting regularly scheduled programming via the emergency alert system, and possibly Breaking the Interwebs! to the point that normal life literally stops, while people exclaim and gasp and hopefully point at Rick and Maya mockingly and berate these two paragons of honesty and integrity!

The same way that older rich guy "Eric" marrying a much younger buxom blonde "Donna" is scandalous. Or the picture of Ridge holding hands with a gay male friend in Paris is scandalous. Or that the CEO of a fashion house is getting divorced is scandalous! The real scandal is having a CEO so obsessed with the Lead Model that he effectively puts her picture EVERYWHERE. And everyone is afraid to even tell her if there's spinach in her teeth lest they be publicly humiliated by their boss. Does this place even HAVE a human resources office? You just get hired by and submit your W9's directly to the CEO? Does he run the payroll software and give the sexual harassment classes too? Did Ally quit while we weren't looking?

Maya has a friend? Wow, didn't see that coming.At least her 'friend' is at least the only one so far concerned about her personal safety. Why is no one else? Looks like the door is wide open on the Secret Barn, and all the horses are escaping one by one. I am guessing Deacon and Quinn are being notified by the loading dock workers now. Rick may grit his teeth and pretend to be accepting, because he has to save face with everyone after the public and non stop speeches about Maya's beauty, femininity, honor and integrity. How can he let all the people in his life know he's been blindsided. My guess is he takes it out on Maya privately by spewing mouthfuls of hateful bigotry and emotional abuse. And she will take it because she figures he's only doing it because he loves her and that he'll come around. Or some nonsense. Nicole deserves whatever she gets.

Peach, I think your super powers might trump even The Amazing Space Bending Murderess, Sharon.

Peach, if I could I would clone myself, just so we could heap double the praise upon you. Thank you for making it possible for me to watch this show without having a rage stroke before each commercial break.

I guess Charli's been watching a lot of shock tv journalism. I fully expect Pam to call him out on watching too many sci fi crime dramas or binge watching Netflix dramadies starring Jeffrey Tamblyn. But Pam's surprised face was worth it all. I think the point where I started really laughing was Rick yelling at Wyatt because he'd left him several voicemails the night before. What Jewelry emergency would need an immediate response overnight? How did Wyatt not tell that little PinPrick that he's not 911? I guess he's desperate to keep the dumb job. So he can spy for Spencer. But he could spy without working there like Liam does all the time. Plus, New mystery... who reserved the steam room for the whole afternoon if it wasn't Maya? Dunn dun DUNNNNNNN ETA: I posted this last night without checking it and I think I may have been out drinking with Brooke or something because that was all a hot mess.

Is there some explanation why Nicole needs to bust a move every 10 minutes? She's constantly jazzer-prancing all over the place and dork shuffling her way around to what I find to be just awful popish muzak. Is she gonna get tricked into pole dancing soon? Will she end up in the porn that Maya turned down ages ago and big sis saves her? Brooke and Eric need to go sit down somewhere. Does Rick understand that his parents approval is tied to their profit? Eric tells him in every conversation..." profits are up, so I love you the best right now. " Rick hates lies and secrets (I am pretty intuitive about these things. If you didn't pick up on that subtle character motivation, don't feel too bad) but I wonder how he will feel when the dynasty destroying Secret comes out and Eric names Ally as the next irrevocable CEO. Because Eric is a handsome dumbass. I love the Spencer boys working together, even if it's over something this nonsensical. But I HATE this storyline because it will eventually bring back clown face Steffi. And that is a hate crime.

Peach, I am so sorry you're going through such a tough week. Extremely glad that Kid is ok.