smartyshorts

If only we had known that there was something LESS interesting than Zencole.... Show gives us the aggressively uninteresting Xamma, with a side of Zoey. Dear God in Heaven, could someone demolish a building on top of them. Or have them all text and drive directly into each other on a winding road.

I predict gunplay at this wedding. Too many sweeping "inspirational" speeches, swelling music , too much talk about this wedding uniting the families and bringing peace to the Middle East. Weeks of this, mentions of unseen babies and sacrifices. I predict Taylor shoots for Hope, and hits St Steffy. Not a fatal wound of course, but enough to cancel the wedding, get Liam squinting and weeping at Steffy's bedside totally ignoring his Destiny, Hope and their Precious Innocent Baby on the way. Maybe Hope exits to Europe, maybe she loses the baby, maybe Ridge takes a shower. But i definitely predict some Dr Lips instigated tragedy at this Royal Wedding

How many times can these people move from one room to another and have the EXACT SAME CONVERSATION each time... With the same people? Hope has been between Brooke's and FC something like three times in that one day! And each time, Steffy is having the same conversation with either her father or The Waffle 2.0. Can they at least let a day or so elapse so everyone can change clothes? And get Hope out of that burlap sack? Brooke is so done with Ridge's foolishness. "I'm tired of talking about this... Go put on some underwear and amuse me"

With the crescendo of "inspirational" muzak, the obviously drugged to the eyeballs Steffy amd the grossest proposal I've ever witnessed... All i could think was "somebody is gonna die in the next few days". I don't know if there is a surprise death somewhere in the deep deep spoilers, but the sense of doom over that whole Kumbaya work meeting was thick. Maybe $Bill will fake his death in order to avoid embarrassment (and also to make sure he gets a full refund on all the shit he bought). Maybe Dr Hysterics will go on that killing spree we have all been waiting for.. Maybe Aunt Lemon Bars is still off her meds!! Perhaps Maya takes her bitchy attitude to its logical conclusion. Whatever it is, i hope it starts with Ridge and ends with the interns. And i hope they murder all of Carter's shirts.

Finally something on this show worth watching! Between Stone Cold Steffy and Liam's dumb face when he finds out "It was Bill. It was your father" yet AGAIN, this was all gold. Satisfying gold.

It was me that sent the threating comment. Because there's no time stamp or user names or anything, just an endless stream of disconnected phrases scrolling by. Which all conveniently stopped after my flashing Skull n Bones!!! Skull n Bones 4EVA!!!! Dear God in Heaven (tm Katherine Chancellor), are the ladies on this show eating paint chips? Is Liam secretly a Nigerian Prince or the next in succession for the crown of Wakanda and only Brooke and Sludge know? Because I can't figure out why These two well heeled idiots would WANT Liam as endgame for their precious offspring. His only income right now is putting up the shittiest website ever conceived since 1993 with a comment section that looks like the "notepad" feature in Microsoft Word.

I have an irrational hatred for the Lowe's commercial where someone is having an outdoor party and the voiceover says something like "you need more backyard for your backyard parties". But they show some Jabronie sitting on a cooler (which is already blood boiling rage inducing) , talking to someone ...another person comes to try to get something out of the cooler and this Asshat cant be bothered to STAND UP so someone can open the top. Instead they squat awkwardly so the person can only open it a few inches and cant even get a hand in to grab a drink or whatever. You don't need More backyard, you need better more considerate friends or family members. I actually yell "JUST STAND UP!!!!" every time I see this assault on common decency.

, If I am not mistaken, Confused Constipation Liam agreed to go back to ShutUPSteffy right at the end there. They seriously couldn't find one of those realistic looking baby dolls that actually looked like it had been forcefully pushed through the Golden Tunnel after all that exhausting breathing and pushing? I mean, it was exhausting for us viewers. Well, maybe this means we will finally start having some different conversations and stories and characters on our screens (I am blocking out RuntheTable's spoiler. I just can't handle that right now) .

They could've easily had ShutUPSteffy start having pain after her energetic emotional fight with Bill, maybe after throwing something at him to get him to leave. And not having Bill smirk "Say hello to your mother" as he was leaving was a giant missed opportunity. Steffy had time to go from benign belly rubbing to full blown labor and fully freaking dilated in the 10 minute drive? TMWT aren't even TRYING. We can't even get a difficult birth with Steffy in a coma? Constipated Confusion Liam struggles to care for his newborn before he was even close to ready, with Hope and Brooke still hissing in his ear to elope between feedings. And Bill attempting to sit vigil at Steffy's bedside while Ridge and CrazyFace keep shooing him off with a broom. "Gwanahw, GIT!!!" So I guess this will be yet ANOTHER storyline that went on for agonizing weeks... with everyone on screen talking about it, referring to it as if nothing else is going on in the world... only to fizzle out with the most boring conclusion, resolved in a handful of scenes that just hammers home how much time was wasted. like : Maya being transgender, Wyatt and ShutUPSteffy's divorce, who shot Bill (nobody even cares anymore) , all of Spectra Fashions, What's her face thinking about getting her bio baby back, the Avants in general, Sasha in particular.... it's all just the worst kind of storytelling.

I started this post last night but I realized it was just an anger filled rant that made very little sense. I am still angry today, but I hope I am at least coherent. Wyatt- is a horrible horrible friend/brother/person. While I am glad he finally pushed out his stinking turd log of confession that had the whole show constipated and we don't have to see his stupid "guilt face" anymore....dude you had DAYS to tell Liam this, but you HAD to unburden just before the "I do"? Screw you an your fake loyalties. And Carter...CARTER seriously officiating this marriage expounding about how much these two love each other, about 6 months after renewing ShutUPSteffy and Liam's vows? Tacky. having Quinn in her 1992 Prom dress front and center after throwing a woman off a bridge to keep this exact union from happening just a few years ago, who kidnapped the groom and raped and mentally tortured him for weeks ...just a little more than a year ago. Disgusting. Having Donna brought out of mothballs for this mess...tragic. And seriously Carter,....The "does anyone object? Line? you should lose your internet certification and law license for that at ANY Forrester or Forrester adjacent wedding. Tay is most definitely going on a shooting spree at Brooke's house. She was practically foaming at the mouth today. If she isn't going to take Bill's leverage away by turning herself in, then she should go back to whatever non extraditable country she was hiding out in. When Bill starts dropping his sinister hints, Steffy can say..."sure, lets call Lt HotDog right now!" Because as long as that looms, he always has an upper hand and can solicit "gratitude" from Steffy whenever she starts pushing back too much. Did Bill really say to ShutUPSteffy that she didn't have to go into debt to get the house from him? Into debt? isn't she a millionaire...the Sexy CEO who never goes to work? Does she need "protection"? Why does he keep claiming he can protect her? Do bears live on the beach? I WANT Liam to say "Thanks for the info, Bro. But I am going to get back to my wedding now". But we all know he will run out the back door and straight to the cliff house. While poor Hope stands there in her borrowed dress and recycled ring like the biggest sucker since Carter asked Maya to marry him after a half a date. I'm sure Ridge will be doing the "Maury Povich Not the Father" dance right in the aisle, like the tool he is. But then what's left for Hope to do? Does she stay in town , go back to Europe? Plot revenge? Team up with $Bill on an all out Destruction tour? Because we all know Bill will Lose. His. Mind.

Watching Eggo and Bope post coitus waxing on about wedding plans, my partner and I laughed and laughed and laughed. When Hope went and got her old ring out of her memories box, we had to pause a good 5 minutes because we were rolling around HOWLING at this absolute dumpster fire mess. "I can't take my wife back cuz she's probably still boning my Dad. You wanna get married?" Just the romantic proposal every young woman hopes for. Was that supposed to be romantic? Right up there with "The love of my life is 5 minutes late after an international flight. Guess you'll do for a groom!" So does Liam drop off his annulment papers and get a marriage license at the same clerk's office at the courthouse? Are they gonna register for gift silk scarves and give half of them to soccer moms? Do they have their wedding on a rollercoaster, with Maya as bridesmaid? Is Aunt Pam just roaming the beach unmedicated? Justin, brother, you dropped a dude out of a helicopter and burnt down a struggling small business... So shut up with your moral dilemma. Is Bill so obsessed with Steffums because Skye is off for repairs? Why isn't he humping that project anymore? The more Steff says no, the harder Bill pushes and the grosser his schemes get. Once Steff wraps her head around a Waffle free life, I hope she says yes to Bill, then proceeds to make his life miserable. Is anyone not named Spencer or Forrester or Logan even ON this show anymore? It's been weeks of the same 6 or 7 people, all repeating the same dialog.

This whole episode I was chanting "free Rainbow! Run, girl. Run!" Everything was such bleak nonsense that I fixated on one scene where Junior inadvertently ate a sandwich that was meant for Now. He offers to order her another and she says it already took TWO HOURS for this order to arrive. Two hours for delivery? Are they on the side of Walton Mountain? I couldn't work my way past that.

I'm not ashamed to say, I saved the episode where Liam confronts Steffy about the paternity test. Over and over I watch "I can't, I can't!! It was BILL. It was your father." Liam's face is a wonder to behold. Bill can go suck on an exhaust pipe with "You HAVE to forgive Steffy. You HAVE to go back to your wife. RIGHT NOW" Damn, give the guy a couple of days and some space to process his emotions. That little wrestling match on the floor was ridiculous, and took me right out of the emotional scenes from Liam. And I so much wanted $Bill to FINALLY say..."This is how I destroy someone who betrays me. The baby complicates things, but I told you I would decimate you. " Or something to that effect. because all of us (including Liam) concluded this was part of Bill's long game revenge. And lets face it, that would be more in keeping with Bill's personality than this whiny groveling "you're the best of us, you have to break the Spencer curse!". The sword necklace stuff was ...well, certainly symbolic...the bloody almost gentle face slap was a thing of beauty. Although, I still think Liam should've gotten in one karate kick to Bill's chiseled jaw as he was kneeling there though.

I was hoping so much that Steffy had an STD and not a fetus. How would she explain to her partners that they need to get over to the Minute Clinic right away!! Lol. I want so much to like NewThorne, but does he have only months to live? Why this full court press on everyone about EVERYthing? So did Mateo get deported or something? Can he and Ivy have a "meet cute"? And go start solving mysteries or something?

Well those ....ensembles were horrible AND inappropriate and if I'm not wrong, ill fitting. I don't know what Nicole is going through but damn, she is looking HAGGARD. And I think Steffy's head gear is compressing her vertebrae, her back is so swayed now. I guess the Wig lays heavy on the overpraised and damn near Deified head that bears it.

Does anyone have screenshots of the outfits (?) that Skanky and Skanky Jr were wearing? I've heard they were both a HAM, but I refuse to watch the episode. That forced...say something nice about someone ...especially if you have EVERY REASON to straight up despise that person...is ridiculous. "Hm, I guess the nicest thing i can say about you is that you've dressed for the job you want, Whore" Or "You're exactly as dumb as you look." Or "I'm glad you haven't tried to murder anyone today" Are we SURE Sheila wasn't there just lurking behind a potted plant. Or hiding in the bathroom with the sticky door?

When the "pizza guy" pornography started, I thought maybe Wyatt and Katie were making a private recording ....which would of course get switched with a secret recording that Bill made of he and Dat Bish, Steffy ...so everyone deciding to watch their little amateur porn would have an aneurysm. While I'm glad something finally HAPPENED, after two weeks of just this ONE storyline (seriously, no B story to throw in for laughs. Like Mateo applying for a security job with Charlie? And did Sheila just ghost her waitress job at the Forrester cafeteria? Rude), I'm exhausted with this nonsense. Stuffy has a literal dirty mop masquerading as a bad wig on her head, stayed in full Kabuki makeup throughout, and now will probably lay her stank ass down with Liam with Stallion juices still fermenting in her swamp snatch. Bill can't WAIT to either start dropping hints to Liam, or blackmailing The Greatest Queen who ever graced the western hemisphere to take the vacation he was SUPPOSED TO BE ON WITH BROOKE. (spits to tell side) Poor Carter gets released from his broom closet for THIS? Renewing the vows of a couple who have been married less than a year?

But whose dream is it? Steffy's? Bill's? dare I say it, Liam's???? The Liam/$Bill blood feud is the only thing I'm watching for. Which means I'm pretty much not watching. My SO still DVR's and watches, I told him to let me know if anyone actually DOES anything, instead of endless auditory flash backs and repetitive conversations about possibly doing something. I would LIKE to be engrossed in Queric's reconciliation...but the Sheila element is just too brain numbingly dumb to even watch drunk. Will Sheila OWN that damn restaurant next week? And what was up with the Holistic Portrait artist? I'm stuck on that. Was she a guest from a reality show? Did she infuse the portrait with demonic powers? the damn thing is like Ghostbusters II. But the masseur/ voyeur/ seducer...I just can't. In 1979 when we were all younger and didn't know better, maybe... but this is like when my 4 year old tells me he's doing "nothing" when he's on TOP of the kitchen counters surrounded by spilled dish soap, hot wheels cars and more forks than I actually own.

.....and for the love of doG, Charlie. Maybe they could get end of contract unnamed autoimmune disease together and fake faint off a cliff. I've been waiting for Bill to punch Liam since this whole thing started. But the way Liam went down was HILARIOUS. ...the stutter spin move to the floor, dammit I can't help myself. As disgusting as it was, I watched more than a few times. And if Liam trusts Justin beyond the four steps from the door, he deserves to get GOT.

If $Bill even remotely gets away with this "Caroline is dying of an unspecified auto immune disease", I'm out. (I'm not out til after Monaco though). I was hoping Thomas was just leading Bill along and that he knew it was a lie the whole time, but it seems he bought it hook line and sinker. Damn. Will it be Sally who advises Thomas..."This is Bill who would compromise anyone's integrity ...maybe get independent confirmation". Will Caroline step up and say...Yeah, my Uncle is an asshole and we will just keep the arrangement we have, Mmm kay? Because the argument that Thoams hasn't visited with Douglas could easily be countered - even if Thomas were safely in the bosom of Forrester Creations, he's still be up to his eyeballs working (or whatever passes for work over there) designing the "All new collection", so theoretically still wouldn't be flying to NY every weekend. I'm beyond disgusted. Has Eric been eating the lead paint off the walls in that crappy hotel? Fool done lost his ever lovin MIND!!! And since Charlie didn't pony up blackmail money...how has Sheila not been kicked out? Is she telling the desk she's Mrs Eric Forrester or something? Have we even SEEN Charlie since his ill fated visit to Sheila's latest lair? Is it too much to hope she recorded his dumbassery, the killed him and stuffed him in some luggage?

Slightly burnt dry toast.

When Mop on a Broomstick was telling ZenZey about her tragic possible infertility, he was so jubilant about his stupid news I was hoping he'd blurt out "Dont worry baby, I can get Sasha knocked up no problem and we will take that baby!!" Because in that moment he seemed just stupid enough to say that. Did I hear right? Coco and ArJay went OUT of the house. On an actual date? Are we sure they didn't just go to FC to Netflix and Chill? So Maya's modelling "style" is Bug eyed on the edge of crazy helicopter Mom dressed up for a night on the town? I would rather have watched Bill and Brooke trotting through Paris holding hands with jaunty music playing. Or Thomas and Sally finally consummating. Or the Avant parents arguing about what to have for dinner.

Not particularly related to actual storylines... but what was up with the parade of interns coming in daily to hand Steffasaurus folders and introduce themselves? Am I supposed to recognize who the fuck " Ginge" is? They aren't from Survivor or TAR... Big Bro hasn't been on in a while. Sorry, that one has been festering for a while. I don't know what deal with Satan the producers have... but can this be the last time we see or hear from "Emmy". To me, that lady is nails on a chalkboard on her regular show. But here, the manages to turn it up to 50. So happy Bill and Brooke FINALLY got married. But Maya can take all the seats speechifying during the ceremony about how to keep their relationship together. Bish... this lady has been married more years than you've been ALIVE. I couldn't have been the only one watching in open mouthed HORROR, waiting for Ridge and Quinn to consummate IN BROKE's HOUSE!!! Thank the PastaGod that the show steered clear of that.

My watching partner said "I really hope this windbag limp noodle is sterile. Go home, Zenzey." And I cracked up laughing for 10 minutes. Then we were discussing Rumple's extremely sad version of a "surprise wedding in your own kitchen". Put out some flowers, change into a more formal jacket. At least TRY to look like you might be halfway excited in case Brooke caught some brain damaging virus on her way to Bill's and actually showed up. He looked like he was having liver and onions for dinner. So.... no one is gonna even MENTION that the only way Spectra could poach designs was because ArJay was showing them to the "demon Spectra" like they were a bootleg of the new Star Wars movie. No... nothing? Ok, I guess I'm going to have to move along then. Sweet Jesus in a loincloth, hellooo Justin. Is it hot in here? Anyone else feel kind of flushed?

seemed like so much effort for a "surprise" zip line wedding (which, HAHAHAHAHAHAHA) with 8 family members, and one outsider. No professional photographer to document this spectacle? Wow. A Ridge Forrester original (blech) creation, and no documentation? Even the FAMILY couldn't take pics? Was Bill the only one there on the groom's side?Someone need to take a pic or two of what ever the hell Sally was wearing for "What NOT to wear. Ever, for anything. It looked sloppy AND uncomfortable. I think if it was a cute little dress instead of circulation blocking shorts, it could've been slightly more acceptable. Where was Taylor? Or even a MENTION of Taylor? That was weird. (Sorry, I'm at work and I hit SUBMIT sooner than I wanted to) I so badly wanted Wyatt to be drowning his sorrows with Sasha, instead of the other two drips whose names I don't even care enough to remember.