smartyshorts

The same way that older rich guy "Eric" marrying a much younger buxom blonde "Donna" is scandalous. Or the picture of Ridge holding hands with a gay male friend in Paris is scandalous. Or that the CEO of a fashion house is getting divorced is scandalous! The real scandal is having a CEO so obsessed with the Lead Model that he effectively puts her picture EVERYWHERE. And everyone is afraid to even tell her if there's spinach in her teeth lest they be publicly humiliated by their boss. Does this place even HAVE a human resources office? You just get hired by and submit your W9's directly to the CEO? Does he run the payroll software and give the sexual harassment classes too? Did Ally quit while we weren't looking?

Maya has a friend? Wow, didn't see that coming.At least her 'friend' is at least the only one so far concerned about her personal safety. Why is no one else? Looks like the door is wide open on the Secret Barn, and all the horses are escaping one by one. I am guessing Deacon and Quinn are being notified by the loading dock workers now. Rick may grit his teeth and pretend to be accepting, because he has to save face with everyone after the public and non stop speeches about Maya's beauty, femininity, honor and integrity. How can he let all the people in his life know he's been blindsided. My guess is he takes it out on Maya privately by spewing mouthfuls of hateful bigotry and emotional abuse. And she will take it because she figures he's only doing it because he loves her and that he'll come around. Or some nonsense. Nicole deserves whatever she gets.

Peach, I think your super powers might trump even The Amazing Space Bending Murderess, Sharon.

Peach, if I could I would clone myself, just so we could heap double the praise upon you. Thank you for making it possible for me to watch this show without having a rage stroke before each commercial break.

I guess Charli's been watching a lot of shock tv journalism. I fully expect Pam to call him out on watching too many sci fi crime dramas or binge watching Netflix dramadies starring Jeffrey Tamblyn. But Pam's surprised face was worth it all. I think the point where I started really laughing was Rick yelling at Wyatt because he'd left him several voicemails the night before. What Jewelry emergency would need an immediate response overnight? How did Wyatt not tell that little PinPrick that he's not 911? I guess he's desperate to keep the dumb job. So he can spy for Spencer. But he could spy without working there like Liam does all the time. Plus, New mystery... who reserved the steam room for the whole afternoon if it wasn't Maya? Dunn dun DUNNNNNNN ETA: I posted this last night without checking it and I think I may have been out drinking with Brooke or something because that was all a hot mess.

Is there some explanation why Nicole needs to bust a move every 10 minutes? She's constantly jazzer-prancing all over the place and dork shuffling her way around to what I find to be just awful popish muzak. Is she gonna get tricked into pole dancing soon? Will she end up in the porn that Maya turned down ages ago and big sis saves her? Brooke and Eric need to go sit down somewhere. Does Rick understand that his parents approval is tied to their profit? Eric tells him in every conversation..." profits are up, so I love you the best right now. " Rick hates lies and secrets (I am pretty intuitive about these things. If you didn't pick up on that subtle character motivation, don't feel too bad) but I wonder how he will feel when the dynasty destroying Secret comes out and Eric names Ally as the next irrevocable CEO. Because Eric is a handsome dumbass. I love the Spencer boys working together, even if it's over something this nonsensical. But I HATE this storyline because it will eventually bring back clown face Steffi. And that is a hate crime.

Peach, I am so sorry you're going through such a tough week. Extremely glad that Kid is ok.

The DeaQuinn wedding was my favorite soap wedding in years. Two people who took the time to get to know each other, weathered some ups and downs and rough times. Had a few misunderstandings but actually hashed them out, no crazy bachelor or bachelor's parties to in handcuff from.. no insane destination, paperwork properly signed witnessed and filed. Gorgeous bride. Ridiculous haters trying to stop it shut down respectfully. Gorgeous bride. Loved it all. Nicole needs to get kidnapped. Rick needs a Maya intervention and we all need a break from this skull cracking anvil of a secret. Plus, Quinn looked amazing.

Peach, I love you. Even though you clearly have superhuman powers.

Peach, I don't know how you find the mental fortitude to power through these stinking episode piles and turn up the comedic gems that you do, but I swear you deserve a weeks vacation on a beach sipping umbrella drinks for doing work even that "dirtiest jobs ever" guy wouldn't do. Stay off the balcony though.

For a while I thought maybe Quinn was pushing hard for people to attend her wedding because she wanted to "out" Brooke and Deacon's emotional affair in some huge splashy hurtful manner. Looks like I won't get my wish. Can this damn SECRET come out already? I am so tired of it. We all are. Oh Hope... shut up.

Hey, Rick... the CEO... hates lies. And his paramour has a Big Secret!!! She'll tell him when he proposes, but not one second before. Even though Rick. Hates. Lies. I am not kidding. And Liam has to protect his girlfriend while she's at work (in a place where he is NOT employed, although he seems to have the run of the place) Brooke learned how to snap last month, and now she's doing it all the time. My two year old learned how to imitate fart noises, and he does it during every conversation as well! It's a Month of Discovery!! By the way, Quinn is or used to be KEERAZEEE! Just wanted to make sure you knew, it's being played so subtly. On a more shallow note having Quinn and Ivy in the same room was almost too much beauty to process. Those two are just luminous. Nicole was was dressed like a regular person instead of a time traveller. She's still an entitled little shit though.

Was Nicole having some kind of "episode" while she was modeling? "Oh this isn't video." Og Hod, that was worse than a middle school talent competition. Brooke needs to hit the bottle and some dance clubs with crazy legs Nicole!

Oh Nicole. Going from the turtleneck and booty shorts with patterned tights to the lace choker, slung back bowler hat... stop trying to make 80's New Wave happen again. What's next? Big mall hair and off the shoulder oversize sweatshirt? At least now I understand the ridiculous Boy Gearge dance moves from a few weeks ago. What exactly did Maya and Nicole's parents DO? Did they not hug Nicole enough? They didn't cheer loud enough at her soccer games? Nicole NEEDED her sister to come save her? She was so young when Maya left, how'd she even remember she had a sister? And besides becoming her real self.. Maya was busy with an abusive boyfriend*, taking care of HIS child and doing jail time for him. *I'm pretty sure maya's ex was described as an abusive drug dealer. Did I just dream that? Carter's shirtless again, must be a workday. I still can't get over having a cafe with weight benches in it. Gross. Deacon, you are an idiot. Brooke.. like Quinn asked, why do you care?

So is Brooke playing with Deacon's emotions just to get him to leave Quinn? That's how I interpreted it. But why? We all know she could give a rats ass about deacon for himself. I would say its for Hope, but I don't think this version of Brooke even remembers that there IS a Hope-child. She looks and sounds like she's hitting more than just booze in a bottle. She's downright spacey lately. So now that Quinn's back at FC (with those amazingly fabulous green stillettos, Lord they made my heart skip a beat) , will Brooke "Forbid" her from working there? Because Brooke likes to "Not allow" things to happen. Which she can do with a snap Snap SNAP of her fingers. Shut up Katie. Wyatt's shirt was just...ugh, dumb. Liam can shut his scraggly noise hole about how he Will NOT stand for Rick mistreating *certain specific* employees badly. If I am to read him right, if Ivy quit...he could give a shit what happens to Forrester. File an EEO complaint and stop stomping around and waving your arms, Waffles. Did anyone stop to think that Rick is getting off on being able to override people's protests? Because he's the CEO, or something. How about during one of these mandatory meetings everyone just says...ok, cool. Hiring Quinn? Cool. Design specifically for the worst lead model at any fashion house? (she's beautiful but in all the photo shoots I feel like she's gonna give finger guns or something, She's so cheesy with the turn pose, turn pose, hand on face. Is she channeling the Hope Logan Modeling for Dummies) Ok, sure. done boss. Look the other way while I dry hump my lady during shareholder meeting? Okey dokey. Then go do whatever you were going to do anyway. Rick is only in it for the conflict.

Gotta love the Azshats putting enraged wife beater in exile in a house like TWO DOORS AWAY from his victim, who now has no front window (or plywood or anything to put over it. Looked like she was going to just tack up a blanket over the GIANT HOLE IN THE SIDE OF HER HOUSE ) I feel like this town would've been easily overrun by lazy drug dealers even before the Apocalypse. When Nicholas ran off into the woods, was he purposely luring Glenn out in order to kill him? And the Wolves are made up of the same pretentious blowhards as Terminous. Shut up with your Native American folklore, killer weirdo. At least Morgan spent his time getting to Level 'Yoda' with his fortified broomstick.

I seriously thought Deacon barging into Brooke's freshly Febreezed living room was just a fantasy of Brooke's. It seemed so out of nowhere. Guess I will find out if I was right in a few days. Why do the AA meetings look like a particularly boring time share pitch?

I am loving all the dialogue and back and forth between Maya and her sister. A high school acquaintance just started her transformation, and I wonder if this is how she felt and feels. Ok, show you can stop throwing the "Rick values honesty above all else!" boulders at us now. We get it, and we know he's NOT going to react in a particularly sensitive or supportive way due to his trust issues. I hope this send PRick into a downward spiral that makes even Brooke go "Whoa, that kid needs help!". What was with the weird smile after Febreezing her living room? Did she spray some aerosol Xanax? Quinn putting felt on the handcuffs to protect Deacon's sensitive wrists was hilarious and all kinds of hot.

This Damn show has got me thinking. What if Maya and Myron were TWINS and the reason Maya ultimately had to leave home was because she did something to get the 'Golden Child/only son' killed or hurt. The info Nicole dug up was about this brother that no one was allowed to speak about. And Maya decides to play along with what Nicole THINKS her secret is and gives in to the blackmail so that Nicole won't dig any further and find out the Real REAL truth. Then at some point Mystery Myron can show up in Belle Aire wanting to be a model too.. Or something. Not that I wouldn't want to see a trans story even halfway well done. I just don't think this show is where it's going to happen. I was only watch AMC sporadically during the horror that was Zarf, and it still activates my gag reflex and gives me vomit chills. Deacon kept pitching bottles into that little trashcan, and the camera kept showing the container with two broken bottles and some brown liquid. I hope that bag is one of those super strength force flex ones! Did Liam disappear?

This story will be a train wreck of EPIC proportions. I think Maya DOES come from money, and used that to get reassignment surgery. I think the real damaging secret is that Maya comes from money, she's not some poor downtrodden misused innocent. She's a jaded "royal" who disappointed her parents at every turn. They probably didn't even care about the living as a woman thing, since Nicole seems to remember having a big sister living with her as a child, and not a big brother. (sounds like she would've been old enough to at least remember that, if she was old enough to feel resentment about it later) Her parents probably disapproved of Myron turned Maya lying to and deceiving others...boyfriends etc. Especially the one who got her to take the fall for...something... and spend three years in jail. Maybe the "daughter" was kidnapped to begin with, so that Maya could complete the charade. She stole someone's baby from a hospital or bought one on the black market. But didn't Daisy say that Maya gave birth WHILE incarcerated, and that's why the little girl was adopted out? Oh forget it, why am I thinking more about this than the people who are PAID to think things through and write stories about them? Hey Deacon, could you hand over one of those bottles of vodka that you're throwing out at Brooke's?

Whoever guessed the secret...um, I guess you win? I laughed and laughed, and rewound it and laughed some more. Then I had to leave for work. I was so anxious to get to work so I could log on and see what y'all had to say. because this is Soapdish/Tootsie/PASSIONS worthy storytelling. You know they won't do anything even remotely sensitive or interesting with this but my initial reaction was unrestrained hilarity. I am still giggling, even though I know I probably shouldn't. Rick, go talk to your Mom. Has Brooke even left the house in the last two weeks? Since Deacon dragged her drunk ass out of that restaurant, we've only seen Brooke in her living room. I can't believe no one in her family has checked on her, until KATIE of all people shows up to convince Brooke that she's not lonely ENOUGH and should be drinking MORE. Thanks Katie, you insidious bitch.

Trying to outdo the guesses about Maya's (---secret-----) is so fun. My turn: she killed and ate their baby brother. She is Massimo's daughter and thus Ridge's sister or she's Sally Spectra's love child. She cheated on her taxes. She's really a Big Bang Theory level nerd and speaks Klingon. She's really over 2000 years old and stays young by absorbing the life force of her mate!! Ok, who's next? Now that the Spencer hostile takeover plot has fizzled, ( was there a point to that other than seeing the reanimated corpse of Steffy in a bikini?) What new plan does Liam have to protect his delicate womenfolk from the Big Bad Rickasaurus? How about he help get them out of the Three Bedroom /two bath "Forrester Mansion"? That seems to be the place where most of the bullying happens. And I know I am late to the welcome party, but welcome to all the new posters!

Peach, I hope you enjoy your holiday. Taking a break from this show right now is the smartest thing anyone could do. Do NOT go to the Abbott cabin though!!

Maybe Maya's secret is that she's Usher/Raymond's sister/daughter! What the hell, maybe she's that secret love child everyone thinks Janet Jackson had ages ago. Or she was Phoebe's BFF out for cold revenge.

I want Maua's secret to be that she DID grow up rich and indulged in every way possible. Prep schools, cars, nannies a pony... but she decided to walk on the wild side with the criminal ex boyfriend. Her parents disowned her and vowed to be more circumspect with the younger kids, so they grew up with fewer of the rich trappings. Or she's a terrorist, or on the payroll of an opposing fashion house (Is Spectra still around?) Anything would be more interesting than what they'll eventually come up with though. I think we can all agree on that. Uh oh. Brooke fell down went boom.