smartyshorts

Oh Helll to the NAW! To all of that mess. All. Of. It. I don't think there is anything going on that doesn't give me the itchy hives. Maybe MAYBE the downright bubbly Fred Willard, but he seems to be sucked into the outer ring of the vortex that is What Would Hope Logan-Spencer Do? So did Brooke leave already? One day she's telling her Beribboned sister that she left the rest of her spaghetti in the Tupperware on the bottom shelf in the fridge...and oh yeah, see if that old Bill Spencer still fits... Now she's just gone?

Anna Yolei I hope that's not your drawin' arm! We need some couture up in here like yesterday. The Ridge and Caro think is skeeving me out big time. But I do want to see a spectacular 4 dress fashion show that does NOT feature all Hope at all times in all of the outfits. She can take all of the seats and be quiet for a while. While grown folks conduct business. And by grown folks I don't mean Deacon fake pining over Brooke. No amount of flashback fuckery is ever going to make it anything but stomach churning. Hey Ivy...there's Carter, right over there. Sexy and single and not on the Hopeless tilt a whirl! Maya and Charlie need to team up listening at doors, hiding behind potted plants, calling in international favors while running an underground PI firm in the Forester Creations basement.

Thank you for mentioning this, KLoves . Liam stomping around flailing his arms and emoting with volume while Hope pulled her sleeves over her wrists made me forget about this little tidbit. Given the timing of her missed cycle, chances are greater that its actually Liam's. Is in-show time so wonky that we're supposed to believe the wedding took place months ago, even though everyone...and I mean EVERYONE is obsessing about it like it happened yesterday? Please let Ivy be up to something interesting. Maybe she's lettin Dr Quinn know that she can get into her private sanctuary whenever she wants. And because there's never enough WTF about this... Why in blazes is Maya there at that meeting, in that office, with those people. Wouldn't it make more sense for ALY to be there? She's been hard core shipping Lope since she arrived, but her new friend/cousin would be hurt by another reunion. Wouldn't we want to see ALY's conflict over this news (and maybe there'd be ONE person who would be furious for Ivy's sake and not be slathering over Devine Quinnterruption of the Love that Outshines the Stars!!)?

I can't tell you how I laughed and laughed every time Liam scrunched up his little puppy face over being Manipulated and Cheated and how the Universe isn't FAIR! He sounded like a petulant toddler. "how could this HAPPEN??" Your One True Love was banging your half brother daily for weeks, yo. "None of this is your fault (To Hope)". Except for all of it. Every single bit being her fault. Her choice. Her conscious actions. Is it just a case of Liam just not being able to admit, even to him self, that they've BOTH been wasting their time trying to get to or get back to this idealized relationship? Same for thousand yard stare Hope, since everyone has said at least twice in the past few days that there is JUST NO WAY Hope will stay with Chicken Head, how can she possibly save face? Oh my head hurts with the utter stupidity of it all. I would just go hang with a couple of 12 to 15 year old hormonal girls if I want my dramas screamed at me in tears. And seriously, is there ANY other storyline going on right now? Anything?

I was yelling out Preach it Quinnsane, everytime Quinn threw down a nugget of truth for Hope to stare vacantly at. Oh Wyatt, how's it feel to know that you weren't second choice you were just a choice. If Bill and Quinn got together I'm pretty sure they coulod rule the damn world, they are some smooth talkers! Politicians and publicists and Fox News could take some lessons.

Oh NOOOOES, the manipulations, they BURN. In all seriousness, the issue isn't "We wuz Robbed." The issue is, instead of going off alone to have a pout, or even having a weekend sex romp with whomever, or getting a tattoo...Hope's reaction to getting stood up was to go off and MARRY someone else. THAT DAY (or however long the flight to the yacht took). Not to call or text Liam some drunken rant, or blog about faithless undependable fiances, no...she went on vacation and said YES to a marriage proposal and wedding with someone else. Who am I kidding, Liam did practically the same thing not too long ago. But neither of them has LEARNED from any of that. And it is incredibly frustrating. This isn't just the first or second or even THIRD time that some "outside" influence has obstructed the One True Love. Now, if only Hope would say, that sucks about Quinn, but I'm gonna stay married to this crazy ostrich and probably get pregnant next week because he wants to. By the way, please send the keys to your house by messenger, and be cleared out at the end of the week. Make a decision and stick to it! ANY decision;. Then go on a psycho rampage with your "loony" mother in law. Yay and Aly and Oliver sighting! Now that everyone knows, how's the whole "$Bill keps the secret" thing going to play out? What was the point of all that? Charlie'd better sleep with one eye open, Quinn don't play that mess. Poor Ivy. I hear Carter is single! Make it happen, show!

Speaking of Liam's vegetarianism...when did that even happen? Wasn't he barbequeing or making some special BBQ sauce on the day Steffy took to the freeway on her crotch rocket and lost baby Spencer? I remember for some reason they kept cutting to him in the cottage kitchen tasting something on a spoon by stabbing at it with his tongue like a lizard. So about this house swap...both Wyatt AND Bill are complete assholes here. Bill never should've asked, and in such a backhanded way (with the obligatory cross promotion for Thursday Night Football of course! No one comes over with chicken and pizza for the season premier of The Big Bang Theory.) But Wyatt showing up 10 minutes later like "Why aren't you packing?" That was beyond BEYOND. Why do Wype need more space a WEEK after getting married? I wouldn't want to live in the beach shack either when I have to store my towels on the porch (did I imagine that? Is that a thing?) The Ghosting that Ridge is doing to Caroline has moved firmly into Creepy Town. Everytime he's got his massive bear paw on her hand screaming "NO, NOT there. WHY would you DO that? Wrong, wrong WRONG!" And she's looking adoring in one moment, and like she's going to cry/vomit in the next moment, I start thinking he's going to choke her and try to steal her soul or something. Myna, please do something interesting soon.

Damn but Myrna is on some other shit these days. I can't believe how she boldly sidled up to her ex, eyelashes a'batting and started asking about another dude. Kind of the same ballsy bitch that Dope is for whining to her new husband of a week about how her sensitive ex fiance shouldn't be kissing other girls! Ridge's possessive presumtive douchiness must be catching. Count me as another viewer shocked by Quinn's blatant admission of pushing Ivy into the river. What's her motivation for doing that? What's Bill's real motivation for keeping the secret? Hasn't he been burned enough by half truths and omissions? Is he just placating Quinn til she flies out the window on her Crazy Broom? Why did Rick have a model waiting just outside the door in a Zero t-shirt?

How would Hope know that Wyatt is or isn't allergic to cats? Didn't he only tell Liam that? And she really doesn't know either one of them well, only how they make her feel. She was cracking me up with her little talk to Ivy the other day..."Liam feels things very deeply". Unlike other people who have no feelings, suffer no consequences and can't ever admit they are wrong, I guess. Beesh, how would you even KNOW? Oh Hope, just lay down in the chicken feather lined bed that you made and shut up about everything and everyone else. Has anyone even floated the idea that the problem isn't that Hope didn't wait an extra 5-7 minutes. Its that her soul crushing disappointment resulted in her travelling to another country, and getting married THAT DAY to someone else. When even her family didn't know where she was or what she was doing. Could Liam start smiling and stop Doping around already? This I a SOAP, lets get some shirts off and get in the sheets already!

Team Ivy over here too. Or at least Team STFU Hope. Who would pursue someone after a breakup like the one they had? That would be smiling Chicken headed fool you are MARRIED to right now! I just can't with this little girl.

Did you know Ridge is a world renowned fashion designer? All of Forrester creations would crumble into the Pacific if he didn't design some couture (we will just forget that he was MIA for over a year and everything seemed to go just fine, did he email in some drawings or something?) But if someone somewhere doesn't see at least ONE penciled figure wearing a skirt, heads WILL roll. maybe if he held his pencil like a writing instrument and not like a giant mixing spoon he's trying to eat a bowl of cereal with...but I digress. So what does the "ghosting" of Caroline's drawings portend? He 'steals' her designs? He convinces her to submit her designs under his name? Does he disappear for another "walkabout" and Caroline designs the couture line again? Maybe he can go to the 'treatment facility' that Quinn used! She's all better now, see! Widened eyes and a non threatening hand on her chest mean she totes means ALL of her apologies and she'll never ever EVER do it again! (Pinky swear). Is Deacon high? All the time. And GodDAMMIT if Brooke doesn't SAY something, I will stab her with Bill's cocktail sword. Everythime Deacon comes over and starts talking nonsense, she just looks at him like WTF, but she never SAYS anything. So is she thinking...WTF, but maybe? Oh, and a quick addition...shut up Maya.

Someone in the universe loves me because I saw, rewound, watched again...again...again, and then twomore times before I had to go to work this afternoon, and I couldn't stop laughing for the whole ride; Bob Barker basically pulling a Ridge style sucker punch on old Cat Hatin Chicken Head was the best thing I've seen on TV since the Doctor Who season premier. From the "Spay and neuter your pets", to the off screen audience reactions (the oooohhhs, and aaaahsss playing in the background like it was the Maury show or a particularly tense showcase showdown.) Everything about it was comedy gold worthy of a skit on The Carol Burnett show. I wish an octagenarian would come one the show and punch people out regularly. Betty white needs to open hand slap that empty headed Hope!

Dear Lordt I couldn't stop laughing at this turn of phrase. I think women are attracted to Liam because he's like a non threatening boy they can hang with and not worry he's trying to look down their shirt. Because he's so chivalrous, and a gentleman and all that...doncha know? Oh how I pray for a barely contained rage toast from Ally. And I missed some stuff (I wasn't paying attention) but did Ally ever express how disappointed or mad she was with HOPE? I find it hilarious that Ridge cant even draw a vaguely humanoid stick figure anymore. He might as well get out the Crayolas and start scribbling all over the page like a toddler.

When Quinn grabbed the crumpled papers from Ridge's trashcan all I could think of was the ending scenes of the video for "Take On Me" If they'd been playing that song in the background while she smoothed them out for her and Deacon's perusal, I would have dropped my own self out of a helicopter that would've been so sweet. I had the sound way down for most of the show, when I realized...hey No Hope and her paramour of the Day. So I turned up the sound and they were all ...Talking about Hope! Ugh. Can't wait for this "Thanks for inviting us, your loving family to your wedding. Here's a gravy boat" party

Montage-A- Pallooza! All that was missing was a flashback of Quinn and Deacon meeting in a bar, and talking over the Bubblin' Cauldron. Hell they could flash back to what happened yesterday, as they often do. With some specially recorded sinister but still sappy music playing in the background. Gotta loce $Bill telling Liam what he is NOT gonna do. Go ahead, get lit up drunk Liam and tell Hope that since she was OBVIOUSLY never really in love with you as much as she's in love with herself that you hope she's happy with the choice she made. I hope they're not crazy enough to invite Aly. although I'm sure someone will. And I hope she has an Epic EPIC meltdown at HOPE. Because that dimwitted Princess deserves to get SOMEone's wrath. It can't be 100% ego stroking lollipops and unicorns ALL the time, can it? Can there be one person on the canvas who just Can't. Stand. Hope?

If I never see Jermaine Fowler of Donnell Rawlings ever again, on TV or in life, that would be a-ok with me. I will need twice the Funches to make up for the bad BAD taste they left behind. Shart week, indeed.

So, after this "wedding" is declared invalid. Or when Hope decides she wants stable "marriage and kids" Liam back, can we have another failed attempt in Switzerland? Or Rio? Maybe that sack of moldy rocks Maya and Carter can try again in some exotic locale too. The stories are so annoyingly boring and predictable, now its all about where will the next marriage FAIL take place? Can we have Ivy and Liam get revenge engaged in Australia? They haven't been there yet, have they? And can Quinn dress up like Natasha from Rocky and Bullwinkle some more? Could Kermit and the gang run through and sing some catchy songs, or offer relationship advice? If we have to deal with this juvenile claptrap, at least make the setting interesting.

I was relieved when Rick FINALLY brought up the possiblility that Hope was with Wyatt. i was afraid the Scooby Doo gang would never put that particulat two and two together. I am so over it with these near misses and misunderstandings...but Ooooh, a giant yacht! Beautiful Monte Carlo, The Riviera...cute Boat crew...Oh the locations the location the LOCATIONS. Keep up the LOCATIONS! Have they been to the Alps yet? Thailand? So is Hope in such a snit that she turned her phone off? And didn't let anyone even in her FAMILY know where she was going and with whom? So they can just speculate on what might've happened to her after her arduous 10 minute wait near the Eiffel Tower? Even Wyatt was taking calls from his Mom, but oh no...Hope is just too disappointed and devastated to pick up what had to be multiple phone calls from Forrester Int'l or her mother. I wish she would get violently kidnapped (thats horrible, I know). When Quinn was gloating at her cafe table, I was waiting for her to say "Oh, Liam, you're such a DUMMY"

Lesson for today, keep an eye on your shit, stupid tourists! I did find it odd that when Ivy fell (and screamed, if I recall), none of the milling crowd stopped to even GLANCE in her direction. No police no rescue, not even a hunky stranger to at least yell and point. Do people go flying off that bridge all the time or something? Do they think its just performance art? I officially do not like the attempt at curly hair they have Brooke in. But the dress is YOWSA! Aly needs something to do. I think its about time Oliver whisked her away on vacation or something.

I was laughing from the beginning til the end of Friday's show. From Quinn popping up from behind a car as Liam drove off to the airport, to her clutching her magazine and seething as she sat RIGHT behind Liam and Ivy listening in, to her non chalant noodging of Ivy off the bridge...I am convinced Quinn needs a theme song to be playing subtly in the background when she's on. Or does she and OI haven't noticed? Hm. Between Liam's run across Paris, kind of like Ridge's full sprint across the biggest hotel courtyard I've ever seen and his pained "I have to fart, but I might shit" look of panicked indecision..it was all comedy gold. So now Hope is the SOLE model at an international photo shoot? They couldn't have had a couple of background pretties in bright dresses to flip their hair and place their hands on their hips too? Why go to all the trouble of permits and flights and gowns and French photographers for ONE model? And isn't Business Suit Maya supposed to be the Face of HFTF, shouldn't she be modelling some Project Runway round 4 dresses too? Aside from that, I almost don't care how many failed wedding attempts any couple has now, as long as they keep giving me these gorgeous location shoots! It doesn't hurt my brain as much if I don't think about the stories, and just focus on the pretty.

The big deal as I see and understand it is because Liam is balking at going to Paris with the one Love of his Life because he's got to work. Got. To. Work. When we never see him even AT work. So his character is the one making it a big deal. I think the last "work" he did at Spencer was the story about the animal shelter. Even if he couldn't get away that day, he could at least say "Let me tie up some loose ends at work, I'll meet you there." Does anyone know if Lope are actually engaged again? Charlie and Pam might be on to something, they just have the wrong target. I think it was LittleIggy who predicted that maybe Ol' Bubbling Cauldrin Quinn had something to do with the Mexican jewel merchant's convenient death and strange bequeathment to Wyatt. Is there some reason that Maya is hanging around making travel and photo shoot arrangements with Rick and Ivy et al? I guess I can understand why Oliver's there, Aly keeps him close...or maybe he chooses to stay close to Aly...but why Business Suit Barbie?

Wait, so are Hope and Liam engaged again? Or just back together and "talking about getting married or starting a life together", or whatever they talk about? I must've missed Liam asking again. And Liam saying he can't drop everything and go to Paris becuase of his job made me actually laugh right out loud. When was the last time we actually saw him even at the Spencer P offices? It was before Ridge fell in da water, I'm pretty sure. The fact that they've been having the same conversation for the last week or so at FORRESTER Creations, belies his claims that "work needs him!". And if Hope really saw the diamond as a boost to the line, why didn't she accept it that way at the basement press conference? Just say, on behalf of the Hope for the Future line, WE accept this generous gift and will be sure to incorporate its magic in our new Fall fashions (or whatever, you get where I'm going) instead of saying "Yeah sure" and putting the dang priceless 50 carat diamond in her romper pocket.

Wouldn't you know it, the ONE DAY when something interesting finally happens...preempted! Although today's spisode with Bill talking Ridge down off his crazy ledge was pretty awesome. I see why he's such a business mogul now, hell I SAW what happened, I didn't fall out of a helicopter (or THROW myself out, which is how it looked to me), and Bill had me questioning what actually happened! Myrna can go kick rocks now.

Ridge didn't just fall out of a shoulder belt..he slipped himself out of the shoulder belt on order to fall. And Brooke pissed me off. Just sort of jogging along with a guy who was supposed to be forcibly pulling her away from her true love. They might as well have been hand in hand, purposely trotting off into the sky together.

Oh how I chuckled and laughed and generally guffawed as Ridge flew, then taxi'd, then speed boated (and then drove on the sand ....that boat with tank treads on it was kind of cool) then ran and ran and ran. Up the stairs, through the garden, past fountains and through courtyards..running, running, running full speed for a half hour. Nothing in his hands, or any sort of indication that he is carrying anything to show Brooke to shock her into walking away from her rug side wedding. (I can't wait to see where the tablet appears from!) And I hated both Brooke's hair AND really harsh, thick makeup that accentuated wrinkles in her face that she probably doesn't even really have. And her dress looked like a bathrobe. If that's Bill's idea of wedding planning, its up there with the Red Wedding as a fail. Location was great though, even if the dialog was very Travel Loggish. Is Bill Middle Eastern? Why was THIS location so important for him? I want to believe from Katie's facial expressions that she's getting a clue. So if Quinn doesn't want a relationship and doesn't mind being the chick on the side...why would she care if Bill is married? From what she's saying, it seems she doesn't have a problem hooking up with married or otherwise committed guys. Or is she lying about that? Hard to tell with this Cipher.