meeeeech

Jeff and Brandi may just be "Hollywood friends"...he did agree that she was white trash and that any progeny with Brandi would need a psych evaluation. Lexapro and wine. Xanax and wine. On what planet is this not considered mixing anti-depressents/anxiety medication with alcohol? And readily admitting it. Moron. If I was Eddie I'd be taping this and getting it to the judge asap. Her boys are still very young and impressionable. Despite Kim's insistence I do not think this is a stable, responsible mom.

I thought all the guys were bi honestly. It surprises me that they would try to suppress that information when we've literally seen most of them naked, know too many details about their sexual exploits, cheating, drug use. Why would being gay, in Los Angeles, as a reality show member on Bravo be something to hide when these knuckleheads don't have a problem being exploited in every other way? It's bizarre. I'd forgotten that FI Tom and Jax were roommates in Miami. FI Tom had to know that Jax was an escort then, and that dated men as well. Jax had zero issue spouting off all of FI Tom's secrets about Kristen, but FI Tom could have revealed that Jax slept with men, that Jax was a sugar baby, that Jax was a cokehead. Either everyone already knew all this, or FI Tom keeps a friend's secrets like Fort Knox. I don't get the feeling that FI really likes Jax at this point. I follow Scheana on social media and she seems to be super close to Jax. I guess next season he'll spill some of her secrets. Do any of you watch RHOBH as well? I wonder if Brandi Glanville's head exploded when she saw that Lisa upgraded Scheana's party to the best suite in the hotel.

Major cold sore @kayak. You can see it especially in the quick shots from the plane ride. I hope her fawning over Jax was just a product of too much champagne and vodka. At least she ended up in bed with Katie and not Jax. I liked Ariana before she started getting a few more minutes of airtime. She's like the female Schwartz. Although I thought the two Toms cuddling in bed was actually pretty heartwarming. They should dump Katie and Ariana and just be together, they want to so bad. Every time FI Tom cries I laugh the entire time. This show is a mess and so am I.

I don't remember Kandi's boobs being so big! Gosh. Stress eating maybe?

I think that since being asked to film Celebrity Apprentice and probably having producer-costar approval to go after Lisa, Brandi has gotten a little too cocky. She was probably wasted when she splashed Eileen with wine but was probably also assuming " Dispensable newbie, play the I-was-once-cheated on card, guaranteed airtime for me, I can't lose with this." If she's counting on baiting a Kim vs. Kyle rift at the reunion I think she will be very disappointed. The Richards sisters have their tiffs but always seem to eventually patch things up and stand together. She only has Yolanda who truth be told is less visible than both of the two new housewives. If she wouldn't chase Lisa around begging for invitations I would've forgotten she was even on.

Eileen is the best. From her dry, unimpressed "Wow" when Brandi's vagina renovation was mentioned, to her TH asking "WHY?!" cunnilingus was a discussion topic at the beautiful table, to her managing to remind stupid Brandi that Rinna was the original Billie without seeming petty or rude, I just love this woman. Agreed that LV can run circles around Brandi mentally. I'm curious if she will befriend Eileen, who would probably be extremely hard to manipulate and seems not to care much about choosing "teams". I remember LV calling Joyce Giraud a "formidable opponent" and once her friendship with Brandi dissolved, L was quick to befriend J. Smart move to keep the ladies who could actually go toe to toe with her on good terms.

I guess that pretty much confirms FI Tom didn't sleep with anyone in Miami. He would be cowering just like Tom2 if he knew that Jax had that nuclear option in his back pocket. Or maybe he thinks all of Jax's credibility is shot after this, and no one would believe Jax anyway. I think Ariana is pretty much committed to the "nothing happened in Miami" stance so maybe he's feeling ballsy blowing up Jax's spot.

How big of a weenie is Tom Schwartz? I understand not being confrontational but I think he just uses that as an excuse to be spineless. Tell off Jax for attacking the woman you're supposedly in love with. Tell this same woman you received a wedding invitation in the mail. It's not that hard. I mean, I think he's cute but now knowing he's this helpless he's lost a lot of his luster. Oh Flat Iron Tom. You suddenly have this moral repulsion when it comes to Jax? Where was this the bazillions of times he's done something disgusting and you didn't bat a mink eyelash? Give Peter some FI lessons and pipe down. I honestly think Kristina is in love with Stassi. Katie just follows Stassi around because she's a beta female and needs a strong personality to guide her in life. She just swapped Stassi for Scheana.

Brandi should take a page out of BFF Yolanda's book and get rid of the weave and cut her hair. It's pretty thin and lank and the extensions don't hide that in the least. In their mind putting on the extensions give them instant Joyce or Kyle level hair and it just...doesn't. Also extensions can damage the real hair they're clipped to. It's a vicious cycle. I remember thinking Brandi was very pretty her first season on. Whatever she's doing to herself, it's making her looks deteriorate rather quickly. I would say that it doesn't matter and it's what's on the inside that counts, but it's Brandi. Being cute was one of her only positives.

I feel like Leah's life is now perfect fodder for a Lifetime movie. If I hadn't been watching since her 16 and Pregnant episode and someone summarized everything that's happened since then, I'd think it was all made up. The 'caught cheating by the deer cam' plot twist is gold.

I think the Rinna girls came across a little snobby, sure. They probably think a "chub-chub" is anyone weighing over 110 pounds. Even Kyle says she's considered "big" because she's a size 4. Completely absurd, but I suppose having body issues is part and parcel with living in Beverly Hills, as appearances are everything. The Rinnas shared a personal family issue with authentic feelings attached, which I appreciated. Imagine that! Something other than Twitter beef or a kid moving an hour away from home to go to college on RHOBH! Progress.

This episode was so boring I already forgot most of what I was going to write. I really only remember FI Tom and his "manicure gone wrong", Scheana's ridiculous shorts at that lunch, and Muppet telling FI "even your hair annoys me!" wherein FI Tom, and his precious hair's dignity, flounced away. Are guys in LA really this metro? I for one love Scheana's body but that outfit was terrible. The shorts flatten her butt (though she's not too well endowed in that area anyway) and as @Granimal said, make her ample hips overpower her slim build.

WHAT is wrong with Diamond? Is she just chronically stupid? Leaning over a table, finger waving all over the place saying "I have a daughter I never told you about, I want you to meet her, and we're gonna be a big happy family?" This girl is scary. She makes Hazel's delusional ass look like she has her shit together. If you have to hide your kid, move 3000 miles away, and have never seen your own boyfriend's house...I don't know about the ho hierarchy, but if you're under "Side Chick" you might need to reevaluate life.

@Brooklynista, the Nene tunic was originally 59.95 and is now half price. I still can't believe it sold out. In the immortal words of Dwight: How dreadful! Imagine spending that much money for something you could literally make with a clearance rack shirt from the dollar store and a pair of scissors. That wig, that wig, that wig. It's been a long time since a Housewife show has given me a real laugh out loud. Thanks, Nene!

I also wondered how successful Brandi's podcast is. I think the podcast job is directly linked to RHOBH; if she's kicked off the show, she'll probably have even less downloads and sponsors. I also saw she has a new line out now with her witticisms emblazoned on T-shirts: "Bring it, Bitch" and "F U".

So I wasn't hallucinating? This dumb bitch really left her kid behind with her grandma so she could demand a commitment from her boyfriend? Gawd. I hate all these birds. Not that this show is a bastion for entertainment industry couples or anything but at least OG Chrissy and Jim, Fab and Emily, and Kimbella and Juelz were actual couples for the most part. Now the show is all about random hoes that are "models" and want to hook up their "music careers". The only likable one is Rich Dollaz? Mona, get it together.

I cringe and then laugh at almost every Kristen scene. She honestly doesn't even seem to be aware of the cameras at this point. Who would subject themselves to this humiliation? She dressed like she was accepting a Grammy award just to stand in Tom's kitchen shuffling through the mail. I wonder how much the regular, non-VPR waiters get paid at Sur. Not enough when you're dealing with the likes of Jax.

I was getting pretty heated watching Ms. Sharon share her very valid anger at being called a prostitute and God knows what else while Kandi rolled her eyes, gritted her teeth, and raised her voice at her. Um. 'Scuse? Just because you lay down and let your mom degrade you completely does not mean anyone else has to, Kandi. For awhile, as much as I hated the Joyce-Kandi dynamic, I understood why Kandi felt the need to defend and stand by her mother. I even wondered (way back when) if Kandi would confront her mom, only off camera, and then present a united front to everyone else. Then I saw Joyce's entitlement, Joyce's abuse of her child's generosity and I realized Joyce is a parasite. She knows her daughter can be manipulated and does so, not caring who or what she ruins in the process. I absolutely agree with those that think the passing of Ms. Sharon has given Joyce even more agency than she had previously to do whatever the hell she wants. Kandi's thinking that her mom is the only one who will never leave her is a self-fulfilling prophecy. I thought this episode was a snooze other than that.

It's almost jarring to transition from lovely Mallorca (the double 'l' spelling is the Spanish version but I think either one is correct ScoobieDoobs) and shopping at frou frou boutiques to Brandi's talking head with her boobs spilling out of her shirt, wasting a bonus check on a leased car that could go towards a down payment for a home, college fund, lawyer's fees, Camille Grammer's PR person, etc. She's a fool. I was never in Brandi's camp but even I have to scratch my head and wonder if the production monkeys are giving her the ditzy, pathetic edit since they plan on giving her the ax after the finale (just my guess). Lisa V, for all of her Bobby Fisher-ing master manipulating ways was trying to warn dumb Brandi when she said "you're losing your audience." Seems like LV was right. I like Eileen. She seems very confident, willing to speak her mind, and is not completely wrapped up in her husband's identity instead of having her own. She doesn't seem to be all that interested in kissing up to anyone either. I approve.

Stassi: "Who told you? Jax and Scheana...two LOSERS." Okay, it's annoying that she's there but ol' Stass sure knows how to get to the heart of matters. I'm going to need her to invest in a good bra though.

vH1 doesn't condone violence? Since when? Oh, you meant violence that is not caught on tape, got it. Y'all, this show made me roll my eyes so hard I saw the curvature of the Earth. I love that basically everyone was accused of being an escort.

Cynthia tries too hard to seem tough and bold and pretends that she's ready to go toe to toe with anyone. I can tell she's stressed out and anxious about having to play that part, she's passive and meek by nature. It's a shame because honestly that's what I liked about Cynthia. Beautiful, shy, well-mannered Cynthia that didn't have a mean bone in her body. Of course Nene would gravitate towards a person that never competed for the spotlight and agreed with everything she said. That's why she keeps Gregg on the payroll too. The second they stop worshipping her ass or are able to stand on their own 2 feet she immediately starts backbiting (Kim, Marlo, Kenya. I'd forgotten Nene really liked Kenya her first season on). Ugh, Kandi. I love her but she is a mess. If you're nearing forty and can't even find the guts to stand up to your mom, you deserve everything you get.

I think Brandi knows her time on Housewives is ending and tried to ingratiate herself to the producers by escalating the drama for better ratings/clips for the season trailer by slapping Lisa. Problem is the show seems to be heading back in it's original direction; glamorous, wealthy, connected people that live a fantasy life. Brandi in no way represents any of those things. Her best bet was to remain Lisa V's pet as she is clearly the star of the show, but dim Brandi thought she had the upper hand with the fans (so did Yolanda) and they would root for the underdog to stage a coup d'etat against Queen Lisa. I was always amused that Brandi and Yolanda were friends. They're basically the same person; aging models that married up and profited, Yolanda financially and Brandi by using her story as a way to achieve sympathy and a role on this show.

I just thought of something. Maybe Jax is so possessive of his Toms because they help him pay for stuff? Wasn't FI Tom complaining that he bought all of Muppet's drinks since he was a lowly busboy (enough for Muppet to buy a BMW, he said! 35K+ worth of drinks, maybe I should move to LA and start cozying up to FI Tom?) and maybe Schwartz has extra petty cash since Tequila Katie pays for everything? Clearly Jax feels entitled to mooch off his dad and get free plastic surgery. Purely speculation but I wouldn't be surprised.

I don't know their past work too well but so far I'm digging Lisa R. and Eileen. Fingers crossed that their introduction is Kim and Brandi's swan song.