Oldernowiser

I just love Sam’s expression...”WTAF Mom, even I know that recipe isn’t what’s in the bowl of slop you’re waving in my face.”

Okay thanks. But those words on the purple flash card are just a semi-random collection of adjectives, verbs and nouns that are related to...what? Gothard god? Prayer? Tuesday? Canned cream soup? Makes no sense.

So hell, I’ll ask...WTF is “quickener”?

Interesting...since these recipes contain almost zero fiber and a ton of salt which would cause water retention...let’s just say their diet might have led to retention of other...things. I’m kinda shocked they didn’t all have rickets. Or do they add artificial vitamins to canned soup?

That poor broccoli...cooked to death and then some.

Hmmm...well if you have full immersion baptism I might convert!

My guess is that #besthubbyevah is insisting she read it so that maybe she might learn to dial down the barnacle death clutch a notch and let him get on with pretending to go to law school.

The kid’s all of nine and she’s being tasked with “leadership” and three Jesus name drops? I guess if you’re going to raise little girls up to be good little codependent bots to their headships, you’d better start early. It’s just so...sad. You can only wonder what crap Anna will tell her when the truth of Josh’s extracurriculars hits home.

Please please tell me they don’t have a dog.

Okay, I’m an irredeemable heathen, but my first thought was he was practicing warding off vampires.

So yesterday I made cake for Mr. Wiser’s birthday. From scratch, because heathen. I only make cake maybe twice a year but always the same recipe. But yesterday I stood there for the longest time looking at the butter amount (1/4 cup) and half thinking, “that can’t be right...” Today it dawned on me...that CAKE has 75% less butter in it than Jill’s main dish recipe. Yikes.

Oh, Baaabe. And here I thought you might have a backbone. Fortunately, yesterday I made cake, so if you’ll excuse me, I must go tend to my Chocolate Cake Ministry.

Serve with homemade bread and a big salad, y’all! There’s green, see??? Yay!

Dear Jill: Bullshit. Sincerely, Anyone Who Cooks

Anyone remember Modern Family when Cam dressed baby Lily as Carmen Miranda? That’s what these baby head dresses look like. Hey, the kid is bald. So what? It’ll pass. Sheesh.

It’s like a photo from the Jeffrey Dahmer cookbook... Excuse me while I revisit veganism as a life style...

Oh dear god...

FWIW, that doesn’t look like Angel Hair pasta, either. More like regular spaghetti.

So I really want to vomit right now but can’t decide whether it’s because of that recipe or the thought of Scarick as President.

Actually, to me he looks like he understands all too well. “Well, great, my dad’s a sanctimonious self-centered unemployable putz and my mother’s a well-intentioned brainwashed idiot. Looks like it’s going to be up to that giant kid and me to keep this ship of fools afloat.” What’s he got to smile about?

#jilldoesntunderstandhashtags

“Ranch”is dry ranch dressing mix. Hominy is corn that has been treated with a lye soak, among other things. I’ve never had it by itself, although apparently it can be used to make masa, which is the primary ingredient in tamales. And I love me a Trader Joe’s frozen beef tamale...they’re delicious.

So apparently Arkansas is the most sexist state in the US... https://www.washingtonpost.com/business/2018/08/21/most-sexist-places-america/?utm_term=.270d19509461 I wonder if they controlled the study to weed out the Duggars and all their relatives?

Is she wearing jeans or that hideous denim maxi skirt they all seem to time share? ETA: so I clicked on that video (with the sound off because I just ate) and yes, they’re jeans. Funny how their standards seem so much more flexible when aTLC camera crew isn’t around...

On my magnanimous days (no laughing, please), I can almost feel bad for these stunted child-adults. All they know is all they know. They grew up eating cream of crap overcooked salt grease, so that’s what they think “good” is. They grew up having their every burp filmed for television, so that’s what they think “interesting” is. This was brought home to me the other night (so to speak) when I had Mr. Wiser bring home some take out from a highly rated Chinese restaurant near where we just moved. The food was frankly, inedible. Oversalted overcooked over oiled and over served. I got back on Yelp and it had 4.5 stars. So if people don’t know what real food tastes like... Then Derrick gets back on Twitter and blows my magnanimity all to hell yet again. P.S. So in other words, what Nysha said!