S07.E10: Destinee's Story

[CrazyInAlabama]

There used to be documentaries about transgender individuals, and following them through surgery.     Maybe that would work for the producers, and Destinee to get their 'story', and for her to get the amount of surgery she wants.     And to include skin removal with a plastic surgeon.      I used to enjoy seeing the individual stories, and I'm guessing there are advances to surgery, and other procedures that would be interesting to hear about.  

[fonfereksglen]

On 3/7/2019 at 11:49 AM, WonTon said:

My thoughts and I genuinely hope I don't offend or hurt anyone's feelings here if they happen to be gay or transgender:

1. To me, she came off as someone who just wanted to be a cross-dresser, which is fine, but not transgender (and please if you can relate, correct me if I'm wrong.)

2. I really don't think she wanted to lose weight and just did this because of pressure from her family.

3. I genuinely wanted to root for her considering her childhood but she seemed to just want people to pat her on the back and tell her it was OK to be overweight considering what she'd been through. 

4. Not sure why she was qualified for surgery, which I also felt about patients who only lose weight when they were hospitalized. To me there clearly could have been someone else out there more deserving.

This is what I remember about the episode.  Not sure why so much sudden support for more  episodes or such for someone who didn't  seem all that into weight loss.

[Mu Shu]

On 4/10/2019 at 5:50 PM, SmithW6079 said:

I don't watch this show often, because TLC is nothing but a modern-day freak show. How is what they do not exploiting the people who appear, whether it's this show or the one with the little people or the doctor who pops pimples?

Anyway, I did watch this episode, and while I think some of the Lola comments here are positive, I think she's awful. I thought her "advice" to Destinee was terrible, and that little baby girl voice she uses was nails-on-a-chalkboard annoying.

What is it with transgender women who pick stripper-sounding names? 

I was just thinking they need to rebrand to TFS-The Freak Show.  I always feel dirty after watching this and 90 day fiancée.  Learning channel my ass. 

Stripper names are common these days.  Younger girls use and enhance their first and middle names, ie Michelle Jones becomes Shellee Renae. Like the drag makeup they now sport, they think stripping is glamorous.  Stripping is hard, sweaty grungy work, and drag makeup was used as an exaggeration of feminity.  Now people look like mannequins.  I blame the Kardashians for popularizing that hideous trend.

[CrazyInAlabama]

I saw the rerun of Destinee's story.    So much heartbreak and rejection, but she's come through, getting healthy, and from a recent picture looks like her life is getting better.   I think being in Houston, with so much more diversity, and with the friends she already has, will make a much better life.     

 I can't imagine how a human being survives being thrown into foster care, being rejected by the mother for the second family, and having the sperm donor reject you, and then die a week later.     The loss of her brother was so sad to hear.    However, at the end with the job, the better health, and a better life with more acceptance, I'm hoping Destinee is a success story.  

[CrazyInAlabama]

Spoiler

I read an article that was an update, and Destinee is doing well, and there's supposed to be a WATN in progress. 

Edited November 25, 2019 by CrazyInAlabama

[starlightlost]

Found her Facebook! She actually looks really good!

[SunnyBeBe]

On 3/7/2019 at 10:21 AM, TwirlyGirly said:

For me, there was so much to be concerned about with this episode.

At the age of 15, Destinee said, she "had made it to over 350 lbs." And "[T]o make it even harder, I realized around this time that I was gay."

Then she said she came out as gay at 18, while living with her mother. She said her mother had a hard time with the news initially, but eventually came around, while the rest of her family could not accept it. 

Then came the part that really made me sit up and take notice (boldface mine):

"Not only was I gay, but over the next couple of years, I started to live life as a woman. I decided 'Hey, like I look like a woman, maybe I should try on wigs.' And so one day I tried on certain wigs, and makeup, and I was like 'Oh, I'm so beautiful.' I said 'I should,' I said, 'I think I should be a woman.' I said 'I look so good as a woman.' And when I was 22, I decided to start living my life as a full woman."

Being transgender isn't about deciding to present as the gender opposite to the one you were assigned at birth because you look better as that gender.

This is so strange. There is no mention of Destinee ever feeling she was female. According to what we were shown, Destinee's transgender identity is based upon Destinee looking at her body and deciding it conforms more closely to a female body than a male body, and making the decision to present as female because of that.

There was also no mention of Destinee ever seeing a therapist specializing in gender dysphoria, or her being on cross-sex hormone therapy. It doesn't sound like she was ever formally diagnosed as gender dysphoric. As a matter of fact, there would have been no reason for Destinee to be concerned losing weight might result in her losing her breasts and "womanly curves" entirely (she mentioned this more than once) if she was in treatment and receiving hormone therapy.

Later, when Destinee went for her session with Dr. Lola, Lola asked:

"Can you describe to me at what age do you first recall feeling you were not in the right body?" 

Destinee responded "First I realized that I was gay. But I think I was like 21 when I decided to dress as a woman live my life as a woman." 

Destinee did not say she has ever felt she "[was] not in the right body". At least on camera, Lola didn't dig deeper into Destinee's response, which didn't answer the question she'd asked.

I think we all agree Destinee has very deep - and serious - psychological issues, none of which she is responsible for creating (IMHO). Her upbringing was horrible. She never felt loved, protected, or valued as a part of a strong, stable family unit. That she turned to food isn't surprising. She is desperately in need of long-term therapy to address these issues. 

Whether Destinee is truly transgender is questionable to me. Of course, we can only go by what TLC has allowed us to hear of what Destinee said about the issue. It does sound like Destinee has been desperately searching for an identity that will gain her acceptance, so she will finally have the love and support she needs, lacking in her life up to the present. Perhaps she thought the trans community would be that for her.

Or maybe Destinee thinks she'll gain more acceptance from society as a whole (and perhaps her family) dating men if she presents as female, than as a man who is same-sex attracted?

Perhaps there's more - a lot more - about Destinee's trans identity she chose not to share with TLC, or that TLC chose not to share with us.

Also confusing is despite saying she's a trans woman, she still refers to herself as being gay. A trans woman attracted to men isn't gay. Only trans woman attracted to other women are considered gay (lesbian).

TL/DR: Destinee needs some serious, long-term psychotherapy with a therapist who specializes in gender identity to begin to unpack all of the issues which led to her overeating, and to help Destinee determine if she's truly gender dysphoric (meets the clinical criteria for that diagnosis as outlined in the DSM-5), or whether her adopting a trans identity is driven by something else. As much as I like Dr. Lola and Dr. Paradise, I'm not sure either one of them is qualified to do the type of intensive therapy Destinee needs.

Apparently, Destinee thought more care should have been taken by the group who produced the show too.  She filed a legal action against them asking for a million dollars in damages.  
 

https://www.the-sun.com/entertainment/710036/my-600-lb-life-destinee-lashaee-lawsuit-forced-shave-beard/

[Maisiesmom]

Ok wait a minute-this person is male? And dresses as a woman? And states they are gay? And is suing because "they" made him shave his beard? How many women have beards? In the photos this person appears to be female. Why would it be traumatic to be clean-shaven if you wanted to be presented as a woman? Quick call a shrink-too many issues with this one. People are so sue-happy these days-I would fight that lawsuit tooth and nail.

[PrincessPurrsALot]

Destinee is a transgender woman who was not clearly stated as such on the show.  However, she has identified herself as a transgender woman elsewhere.  She has not legally changed her name.  

[Gemma Violet]

Daily Mail is reporting today that Destinee has died of suicide.

[CrazyInAlabama]

https://tvshowsace.com/2022/02/09/my-600lb-life-destinee-lashaee-dead-tragic-cause-of-death/

I'm so sad about this.  Destinee seemed to be such a nice person.     My condolences to her friends, and relatives. 

[non sequitur]

Destinee had such a painful life, full of loss and sadness. This is really upsetting.