S06.E21: The Forever Knot

[teapot]

3 minutes ago, JocelynCavanaugh said:

Nobody on this show chews with their mouths closed, either. The kids are all pretty gross to watch, especially Sofeeeeya. She's like that grinning monster emoji come to life. I guess "manners" are not a big trend in parenting these days.

she's being raised to think she's better than everyone else & the rules don't apply.  you can own your own store and be the boss!  you can wear makeup no matter what the teachers say!

 unless, by some strange divine fluke, you end up being this amazing human with amazing talents, that's got "disaster" written all over it.

I hope one of our TM tots grows up to write a tell-all  (Leah Shirley and Ali Simms, I'm looking at you!!)

[ginger90]

I have asked my grandson to say, "That was good.", instead of I'm done. I don't know why but "I'm done" bugs me, lol. And yes he asks to be excused and clears his place. Good behavior at the table was always a big one for my father.....the cycle continues.

[smores]

We never had to ask to be excused, though we did clear our own place when we were finished.  We did have to chew with our mouths closed, though, no excuses, ever.

I feel for Maci.  I grew up in a weird family, my parents divorced and my paternal grandparents were more of the "parent" than my bio father was.  There were times that my bio father wasn't even at the visitation, it was just with my grandparents.  I know that over the years there was miscommunication because my grandparents may have wanted to do x with us and had asked my bio father to talk to my mother, and he didn't, etc.  Eventually, though, everyone settled into a groove, and it just worked.  I grew up very close to my grandparents, which I loved.  My mom had a responsible party she could count on, and, I guess it all worked for my bio father.  He was never really a responsible adult, and that sucks, but it just didn't happen.  A lot of that is due to my grandmother bailing him out over the years, and so she created many of the issues that he had.  There was an awareness of it, though, and I think that's how everyone reached the "groove"  

In Ryan's case, it appears that Jen and Larry have often let Ryan get away with whatever he wanted to do.  Way back in the early days, when he wanted to go out and do whatever with his friends, they took care of Bentley for him, and I'd bet they made sure Bentley had anything he needed (diapers/clothes/etc).  The problem is that Ryan never picked up any responsibility along the way, and they've never forced the issue.  I can see why, to a point, as they aren't willing to risk not seeing Bentley (and, in my case, I know that my bio father used us as leverage at times with my grandparents in this way), but they created this mess, and they have to get that.  Maci is trying to deal with the flip side of it, and it isn't fair for her to have to try to appease a whole group of people, when she should only have to deal with Ryan, in a perfect world.  It also doesn't help that Jen and Larry don't seem willing to budge on certain things.  Celebrate things on different days, plan the trip a different weekend, don't make it a choice between this family or that one.  If you want Bentley to go to see your family, then do it, Maci has never said no, you can't take him on a trip, she just said he didn't want to do it then.  So, ask if you could go the next weekend, or for New Years.  

[ginger90]

In the discussion about Thanksgiving, it was stated it was sooo important for Bentley to go and see Larry's family. It was also stated Bentley hadn't seen them since he was two. Stuff like that gets me. Why was it so important 6 freaking years later, FOR Thanksgiving? No time since he was 2 ??

Edited May 22, 2017 by ginger90

[ghoulina]

It was important to LARRY. I don't know if Bentley or the random old person who hadn't seen him in 6 years was considered. 

[smores]

But not important enough to Larry to visit him for the last 6 years.  Maci did consider Bentley when she asked which he wanted to go to, but, I'm not sure if that info was conveyed to Jen and Larry.  I think they may just believe Maci said no and was choosing to take him with her.

[GreatKazu]

Larry's relative lives in another state, right?

I haven't seem some relatives in 5 years. It doesn't mean they are not important. I don't think it is black and white.

We try and meet up with these particular relatives at certain half-way points, but things sometimes happen where we have to cancel our plans. Another reason is, I sometimes don't have the money for airfare and hotel costs to go and visit them out of state. I don't have the time as I am busy with other things in my life. I have a business. I also do things in my spare time here with family and friends. My spouse and I take mini-vacations during the year. My spouse and I are busy with volunteer work and civic work.  Those relatives are far too busy with their businesses or work to entertain guests or have company over their home. Illnesses have happened on both sides. I choose to spend special days/holidays/vacation time with other relatives who are nearby or live close enough that I can travel by car. It is not far-fetched to not have seen relatives in a few years or several years. If Larry has not seen that particular relative, I am sure there are plenty of reasons like the ones I listed. 

[ghoulina]

18 hours ago, smores said:

But not important enough to Larry to visit him for the last 6 years.  Maci did consider Bentley when she asked which he wanted to go to, but, I'm not sure if that info was conveyed to Jen and Larry.  I think they may just believe Maci said no and was choosing to take him with her.

I think that was intentional. Maci said she was willing to be the bad guy, so Bentley doesn't make anyone feel badly. 

[smores]

Oh, I agree, I'm sure she did keep that to herself, so that Bentley didn't have to hurt anyone's feelings.  I was just saying that she did consider Bentley's opinion about where to spend the holiday, which is something I don't think that Jen and Larry really did.  I don't think they skip Bentley's feelings to be mean or hurtful, but, they kind of see Bentley as sort of the same as Ryan.  When Ryan was growing up, if they were going to go to Larry's relatives for Thanksgiving, it didn't have to be cleared by anyone, they just went, so I'm not sure it really clicks that it's not the same with Bentley.  They know that they have to talk to Maci, but they seem to expect the same sort of situation, and aren't willing to change their initial plans, like going a different week.

For what it's worth, you really wouldn't need to fly from TN to AL.  

[SPLAIN]

Maybe Maci wouldn't be dealing with all of this if she hadn't been so quick to leave Bentley with the Edwards during spring break, summer, Fourth of July, motorbike race season, Vegas vacations, girl time, and likely during many holidays when she was with a boyfriend or was seeking a boyfriend. I bet that time the Edwards took Bentley out of state to meet the relatives was during a time when Maci herself was out of state partying it up. 

Whatever the case is now, Maci needs to sit the fuck down and talk like a grown up and get this shit straightened out. Lay it all out there. With her recent admission/non-admission about Ryan's drug use, she better get started because if there is one thing that Bentley doesn't need is, to be in the care and custody of a father who is abusing drugs and animals. 

[Brooklynista]

One good thing about this sort of confirmation of Ryan's drug use, he now meets the requirements for babysitting Chevy Nova. Only druggies need apply.

[smores]

But how does Maci really talk about it?  Who does she talk to?  Ryan devolves into calling her names in about 3 seconds flat when he doesn't get what Jen and Larry are pushing him to ask for.  Clearly talking to Mackenzie didn't work (and yes, she should have been more measured in what she said to her).  Jen and Larry aren't actually Bentley's parents and shouldn't be involved in the decision making process.  Now, as I've said before, I think everyone in the situation needs to just accept that it is what it is and work from there.  That means Maci should probably just deal with Jen, as she's actually the one invested in the situation and seems to want to work with her on things.  But, in reality, that's not how it should be.

That also means, though, that Jen has to accept and acknowledge that the situation is screwed up.  The reason it's screwed up is because of Ryan.  Whether Ryan has a TBI or he's strung out, there is something not right about him and he needs help that he isn't getting.  On top of that, though, at least from an outside perspective, Ryan wasn't exactly a stellar, stand up parent before.  He never worried about whether or not Bentley was getting to bed at his normal bedtime when it was Ryan's visitation with him.  Ryan would be out with friends and Jen would be the one putting Bentley down.  Ryan was (and many times still seems to be) more of a big brother to Bentley in that house.  And, that situation, the lack of responsibility does somewhat tie back to Jen and Larry.  They still cover for his ass.  Maci is right that she can only say so much about the situation before it puts Jen in a position of either having to say, look, I know he's not stepping up, but, we're here for Bentley and let's work around it OR Jen just pretends nothing is happening, because it's her kid and that's how she's always been.  Look how things went when Ryan and Larry were fighting, Jen was in the middle, and she tried to smooth things over on both sides, but without really trying to fix any of the root issues.  

And, the problem is that if/when these fights happen, Bentley loses.  Even if there was a set custody agreement, say Ryan gets him every other weekend (I'm making shit up), and on Christmas Eve, New Year's Eve, etc.  If Ryan is fighting with Jen and Larry and not speaking to them, guess who Bentley doesn't see at Christmas?  Unless, that is, Maci makes arrangements for it to happen.  That's not how it should be, they are Ryan's parents, Bentley is really attached to them, and Ryan needs to make sure that relationship is continued, as he is Bentley's father and it's the best thing for Bentley.  It's not Maci's job.  She just does it because it's the best thing for Bentley.