Four Weddings - General Discussion

[gonecrackers]

If there's a cap, I'd personally rather have someone who I knew & cared about & who cared about me in attendance, rather than a stranger who I probably really won't get to know on a busy day like that anyway.

Marrieds I would always invite together. I'd definitely bump the gf/bf thing though, if limited for space.

But that's me.

Edited August 24, 2017 by gonecrackers

[Quof]

Would you invite people to your home for a party that way?   "Sorry, I don't have room for your girlfriend.  She may be important to you, but she's not important to me."  

A wedding has exactly the same rules of etiquette as any other social event.  

You don't invite people to a dinner party and charge them for the wine, why would it possibly be acceptable because it's a wedding?  Why would it be okay to tell someone to leave their partner at home? Because it's expensive?  Then scale back on something - the cost of the flowers, or the fancy invitations.  Don't use your budget as an excuse to be rude. 

[gonecrackers]

It's a cap on the room thing here, I think. If the room can't fit more than X amount, & it's already been planned, then strangers who are not truly attached to the invitee (not married, engaged, long term, etc) don't need to be included. It's not like there's dancing/drinking etc at this wedding, & it's not as long a day as typical weddings, which I think makes it more comfy to attend alone. I would take all that into account as well.

This isn't my thing, obviously, & lost interest in planning parties years ago. Am so relieved too reading all this; too much unnecessary stress for me.

I'm sure there's an etiquette protocol somewhere about this crap.

Edited August 24, 2017 by gonecrackers

[Mrs. Hanson]

8 hours ago, Quof said:

Would you invite people to your home for a party that way?   "Sorry, I don't have room for your girlfriend.  She may be important to you, but she's not important to me."      

A wedding has exactly the same rules of etiquette as any other social event.  

You don't invite people to a dinner party and charge them for the wine, why would it possibly be acceptable because it's a wedding?  Why would it be okay to tell someone to leave their partner at home? Because it's expensive?  Then scale back on something - the cost of the flowers, or the fancy invitations.  Don't use your budget as an excuse to be rude. 

Bolding mine:  I am not rude, the people who are bringing extra people who were not invited are rude.  See, this is why this is such a touchy subject.  They are bringing extra people who are not invited (when I and future hubby are invited someplace, I don't bring my kids unless they are on the invite.)  This is not a budget issue.  It is a space issue.  And if I invited a couple (only the couple) and they brought extra people (their kids, their visiting in laws, what have you) I would scurry to prepare but it would be the last time I had them over.  Or at the very least I would be clearer next time: "You and Ed are invited."

Quote

She may be important to you, but she's not important to me."    

Exactly.  I am skipping cousins and now you are bringing a girl you met a month ago?  If a guy has a girlfriend, she will be on the invite. 

The bigger issue is this:  It is OUR wedding, OUR guest list for what is to US, a sacred event.  We can invite the entire defensive line of the MN Vikings or three people, it is our wedding.

8 hours ago, gonecrackers said:

It's a cap on the room thing here,

Yes it is, it is cap on the room.  We can only fit 50 people comfortably.  And I refuse to be the bride who makes certain guests sit outside!!!  No way.

Edited August 24, 2017 by Mrs. Hanson

[Missy Vixen]

I saw a rerun earlier today. It was a doozy. I'm sure I'm going to mix up the order the brides were presented in, so I apologize in advance.

The first bride was married at the family horse farm where she grew up. It was lovely. Her reception seemed nice but was deemed "boring" by at least one of the other brides. The next bride had a Jewish ceremony with a lavish reception in a banquet hall, if I remember correctly. The horse farm bride decided she did not want to talk with the other two brides during the reception and actually moved her seat to talk with other people at the table, which I have never seen before on Four Weddings.

The last two brides: One had seventeen bridesmaids. She ended up winning, which still mystifies me. I would have given her a 3 for the excessive bridal party. Her reception looked really fun but again, seventeen bridesmaids? Really? The final bride deemed herself to be the queen of bling and had a marriage vow renewal with her husband of twenty years. Great, right? She is one of the most obnoxious brides I've ever seen on FW, and that's saying something. She compelled the other brides to toast HER wedding while at someone else's reception, for instance. Those who watch the show have probably noticed the four brides holding each other's hands when they're waiting to see who gets out of the limo. This is also the first episode that didn't happen that I've seen. I believe Bling Bride ended up with a 46.

[cpcathy]

Was that the lady who kept saying, "A toast...to ME!"

Yes, she was annoying, and she started out so nice, if I'm remembering correctly.

[gonecrackers]

I remember her as well. I think she just meant it as a joke but it was rude.

The horse farm bride was rude too, moving away from the other brides.

The Jewish bride actually pouted - pouted - when she found out the (winning) wedding was dry & she couldn't have any alcohol. Guess she expected a free buzz; rude too.

Thing is, these brides need to realize they are not *real* guests at these weddings.  One bride on the Canadian version said at the other weddings she 'felt like a high class party crasher' & that's about right. There are so many of them (on most episodes) that should've behaved better in so many ways.

[Mrs. Hanson]

Saw Cammi the Boston bride who was kinda negative towards the others but still won.  Another rerun had the Chicago wedding photographer who seemed to think she had it sewn up yet came in fourth.  "Maybe I was too cutting edge for everyone......" or your wedding was dull.

On 8/25/2017 at 4:07 PM, Missy Vixen said:

The last two brides: One had seventeen bridesmaids. She ended up winning, which still mystifies me. I would have given her a 3 for the excessive bridal party. Her reception looked really fun but again, seventeen bridesmaids? Really?

I don't know seventeen people. 

 

On 8/25/2017 at 4:07 PM, Missy Vixen said:

The horse farm bride decided she did not want to talk with the other two brides during the reception and actually moved her seat to talk with other people at the table, which I have never seen before on Four Weddings.

I remember a portion of this - I do not recall what the issue was or why she moved.  Maybe another bride said something that offended her?

[gonecrackers]

Cammi was such a snoot; so sorry she won but she really did have it made. The other weddings were competition for each other, but hers was out of their league in so many ways. It was too easy for her to find fault with them. I wish she had at least one inside, air conditioned, fancy yet tasteful affair, since then she would've had less to complain about & more serious competition.

If 'cutting edge' means having to climb up & down steep stairs, get crammed into a small space, & almost break a bone on a slippery dance floor, she nailed it... another snoot.

I think horse farm bride moved because another guest was speaking to her about something, but then I think she was ignoring the other brides for a bit. It's not like they can't interact with the other guests but they are supposed to stick together while doing so.

[Lovecat]

4 hours ago, Mrs. Hanson said:

I don't know seventeen people. 

I don't *like* 17 people.

[Mrs. Hanson]

10 hours ago, Lovecat said:

I don't *like* 17 people.

LOVECAT come sit by me.  You think trying on a dress in front of a crowd is stress inducing?  Try pleasing seventeen women with a dress style.  Were they the same dress?

Yes Cammi was a snoot - I felt bad for the princess bride in that episode (shocking as I hate the princess theme in all ways) but her venue looked so hot.  I am sure she toured it thought - WOW!  This is perfect!  No one pointed out that with no A/C and then filling it up with 200 people will equal hot and muggy.

11 hours ago, gonecrackers said:

If 'cutting edge' means having to climb up & down steep stairs, get crammed into a small space, & almost break a bone on a slippery dance floor, she nailed it..

There was another wedding on a boat where everyone was up down up down up down and finally sat down to eat when guess what?  Everyone up to see the first dance!!!

[gonecrackers]

12 minutes ago, Mrs. Hanson said:

There was another wedding on a boat where everyone was up down up down up down and finally sat down to eat when guess what?  Everyone up to see the first dance!!!

I recall that one as well.  If that's the kind of wedding they want, it's their deal, however, this is a contest they entered. It's amazing how they think that putting guests out like that could possibly win.

[Mrs. Hanson]

19 minutes ago, gonecrackers said:

I recall that one as well.  If that's the kind of wedding they want, it's their deal, however, this is a contest they entered. It's amazing how they think that putting guests out like that could possibly win.

I am always surprised (why at this point I am not sure) that someone did not step in and explain logistics to them.  "Here is the flow - this, then this then this."  Especially when there are stairs involved!!  People do not want to get up and down so much!  When I was married the first time in 1994 we did not do the first dance until after dinner.  No big entrance either but that could have been us.  We danced, then our attendants, then everyone.  My dad had passed so I did not want a "Sub Daddy Daughter Dance."

[gonecrackers]

I think there are probably many ways to flow a wedding reception, but some just don't take guests into consideration at all. They are all dressed up & climbing stairs? Women tend to wear heels, there are crowds so the procession will take several minutes - geesh common sense here that it's just inconsiderate.

If they must climb it could be once, after everything in one room is all said & done, then to another & stay there. Not this back & forth up & down nonsense.

[Mrs. Hanson]

6 hours ago, gonecrackers said:

I think there are probably many ways to flow a wedding reception, but some just don't take guests into consideration at all. They are all dressed up & climbing stairs? Women tend to wear heels, there are crowds so the procession will take several minutes - geesh common sense here that it's just inconsiderate.

If they must climb it could be once, after everything in one room is all said & done, then to another & stay there. Not this back & forth up & down nonsense.

No kidding!  It is a wedding reception not a session with your personal trainer at Planet Fitness.

Edited to add:  I can't help but think of the elderly folks or those with mobility issues......that could be a struggle!

Edited August 28, 2017 by Mrs. Hanson

[Lady Iris]

22 hours ago, Mrs. Hanson said:

It is a wedding reception not a session with your personal trainer at Planet Fitness.

Hah! What about the bride who had her wedding party go on a Love Hike I think it was called. In the summer, in Central Park, in dresses and heels. I'd have been livid over that one. Or at the very least skipped out of the park and hailed a cab.

[Mrs. Hanson]

2 hours ago, Lady Iris said:

Hah! What about the bride who had her wedding party go on a Love Hike I think it was called. In the summer, in Central Park, in dresses and heels. I'd have been livid over that one. Or at the very least skipped out of the park and hailed a cab.

As much as I love to hike and camp, I came for a wedding, not a workout.  

[ichbin]

11 hours ago, Lady Iris said:

Hah! What about the bride who had her wedding party go on a Love Hike I think it was called. In the summer, in Central Park, in dresses and heels. I'd have been livid over that one. Or at the very least skipped out of the park and hailed a cab.

Right up there with the bride who wanted her guests to pick up trash on the beach or the Zumba instructor who felt the need to hold a session during her reception.  No thanks!

[cpcathy]

Actually, Zumba is really fun, so I think she was just bringing some dance fun and a slice of her life into the reception. I feel the hike and the trash pickup were not avoidable, but if you didn't want to Zumba, you could always duck out into the restroom or hang by the bar for a few minutes.

[Kat20]

I'm trying to figure out why there is such a huge problem these days with people wanting to bring guests who aren't invited. What part of "if their name is not on the invitation, they are not invited" don't you understand? At my brother's wedding ten years ago, we had friends with two daughters and one son who told us their son was bringing his girlfriend. These are people we've known for a long time--dad and son were in boy scouts with my brother and dad. My mom went to high school with the dad and his two sisters. (One daughter has the same name as me.) Interestingly, their son and older daughter had family only weddings and sent out announcements after the fact. Needless to say, I will not be inviting this family to my wedding. Two others also brought uninvited dates and about 5-6 didn't show! Unlike my brother, I'll be having assigned seating, so we'll know if there are extra guests who will have to leave. Luckily, the wedding planner will have that job.

With regards to the bride who had the DJ announce that the no rsvps had to go out, I assume that they only put the number of tables and chairs based who they were expecting since more would be extra money when you add linens, decor.

Mrs. Hanson, have you called the people who put an extra person down and told them you don't have the room? How did they react?

This appears to have become an issue only about 17 years ago. My parents don't remember this with the weddings we attended in the 1990s. Of course, this was back when people followed directions.

[Mrs. Hanson]

On 9/7/2017 at 1:47 PM, Kat20 said:

Mrs. Hanson, have you called the people who put an extra person down and told them you don't have the room? How did they react?

We have not called.....yet.  The one that annoys me is a friend of future hubby who we saw socially in June and he had no girlfriend.  So for our intimate wedding I get to see a girl he has been dating for a few weeks,  Am I making an issue?  Not as of yet.....if we have people declining I will let it go.  Too tiny of a fish at this point.  A friend of mine did it and I was truly shocked:  she is bringing not her hubby but her SON!  He is friends with my son (both aged 19) so I can see it, but.....no.  My sister did not get a plus one (she is not seeing anyone and would not bring a random guy, but still.....) so no, your son can stay home.   My friend will be gracious about it, I am sure.  

People:  We know who you are, we know how many kids you have, we knew all this when we addressed the invites!  LOL!  I have been on "Wedding Wire" and trust, me , a friend of future hubby bringing a date is the LEAST of my worries.....

On 9/7/2017 at 1:47 PM, Kat20 said:

This appears to have become an issue only about 17 years ago. My parents don't remember this with the weddings we attended in the 1990s. Of course, this was back when people followed directions.

I agree - people just do what they want!!  I am going to contact some folks to see if they are coming as some have surprised me with not RSVP'ing yet.  

This whole issue puts everyone in an awkward position:   "Why did Jason get to bring a date and I didn't"  Me:  "Well Jason was not supposed to bring a date, he just brought her!"  Then will people who say they are coming alone suddenly bring someone on the day?  We are having open seating (it is a lunch buffet) so no seating chart to be the bad guy.  Future hubby also has a rather uncouth "all about me" nephew who will probably NOT RSVP but then show up with a girlfriend and a few friends......I can see it now!!  LOL!  his extra guests will be asked to leave.  But we will see.........counting down!!!!!

EDITED TO ADD:  Okay, my cousin, who wants to bring her ex and grown son and his wife everywhere, well......here is the short version:

This April at a funeral: Cuz asked me about my fall wedding.  "Yes, but space is tight, you and only you are invited, than you for your understanding on this matter."

June:  Only she is invited to my son's open house grad party. She brings everyone.  FIne, I was kinda expecting that.

Yesterday:  She msg'd me through FB and asks:  "Can Son and Wife come to reception but not ceremony?"  Me:  No, no they can't.

ARRRGGGGG.........gotta laugh at this point. 

Edited September 11, 2017 by Mrs. Hanson

[Kat20]

Quote

This whole issue puts everyone in an awkward position:   "Why did Jason get to bring a date and I didn't"  Me:  "Well Jason was not supposed to bring a date, he just brought her!"

That is exactly why the extra guests should be asked to leave. The only way to stop the behavior is not to reward it. Otherwise, you just continue the cycle in future generations. Obviously, these people were not taught these things as kids. I remember being about 6-7 and asking my mom if my brother was coming with us to a birthday party, and her saying, "He's not invited." That is why it baffles me that people don't know these things!

I hope your friends' reaction went well.

[Mrs. Hanson]

On 9/12/2017 at 0:57 PM, Kat20 said:

I hope your friends' reaction went well.

Well....the countdown is upon us, we are at 46 people, that includes the two "extras" who were not invited.  Honestly, we have bigger fish to fry:  My future FIL is in the hospital, his health is very weak and frankly (no exaggeration here) I am hoping he does not pass away before the wedding.  I am 100% fine with postponing, I do NOT want the stress of that on my fiance.  They are in FL so that does not help matters.  

Future FIL does not have cancer or such, he is 91 and just frail.  Very dehydrated, very weak, not eating.  Fiance has accepted this is the end of the road for him, he wants him to hang in until after the wedding so he can fly down to be him when he passes.   But I am very aware this has it's own timeline (we are both 52 so this ain't my first rodeo with parents passing.)

edited to add:  If anything, I am a little miffed at the restaurant which is holding our lunch reception.  We were told "Oh sure you can fit 54, 55 in here, it might be tight!"  Wednesday evening we go to talk about the menu and finalize stuff and she tells us:  "Oh.....you need to cap at 47, 48."  I was like what the hell?  That is a BIG difference.  My take?  You will MAKE IT FIT COMFORTABLY AS THAT IS WHAT YOU SAID IN APRIL - you know, when we ordered invites to have fifty people?"  Good Lord I do not want to hear the word "fifty" or "cap" ever again!!! LOLOL!

Edited September 22, 2017 by Mrs. Hanson

[ichbin]

9 hours ago, Mrs. Hanson said:

Honestly, we have bigger fish to fry:

Sending you best wishes.  Hope that everything works out okay on all fronts. 

Certainly puts all the silly nonsense that some of the brides on the show stress about into the proper perspective.  

[Mrs. Hanson]

On 9/22/2017 at 6:38 PM, ichbin said:

Sending you best wishes.  Hope that everything works out okay on all fronts. 

Certainly puts all the silly nonsense that some of the brides on the show stress about into the proper perspective.

Thank you ichbin!  Future FIL is showing much improvement with some med changes and 24/7 monitoring.  Still frail, still weak, but improving.  Thank you again for your warm wishes!

Edited September 24, 2017 by Mrs. Hanson

[Lady Iris]

I still have a mess of eps on my DVR but I've been a little lax lately in watching them. The ones I'm going through now are mostly Season 1 eps which I haven't seen much of before. This particular ep had a $100,000 wedding and you could see where the money was spent, it was lavish and extravagant but not gaudy.

At another wedding, one of the guest brides remarked how "cheaply made" the wedding dress of the bride getting married was (neither bride was the one with the $100,000 wedding). I thought that was callous. But I was rewarded with payback. The bride who made that comment basically had tv dinners for her reception meal. It was the saddest looking chicken marsala accompanied with what looked like straight out of the bag cut frozen veggies, no way those mixed veggies were fresh. This bride's wedding totaled an entire 40 points. I'd say that is the lowest score I've seen on this show.

[cpcathy]

I've never seen 40 points before! Hubby and I were wondering what the lowest point wedding ever was on the show.

[gonecrackers]

Wow which one was that?

I recall a Canadian one where the bride got, IIRC, low 40s.

[Mrs. Hanson]

1 hour ago, Lady Iris said:

I still have a mess of eps on my DVR but I've been a little lax lately in watching them. The ones I'm going through now are mostly Season 1 eps which I haven't seen much of before. This particular ep had a $100,000 wedding and you could see where the money was spent, it was lavish and extravagant but not gaudy.

At another wedding, one of the guest brides remarked how "cheaply made" the wedding dress of the bride getting married was (neither bride was the one with the $100,000 wedding). I thought that was callous. But I was rewarded with payback. The bride who made that comment basically had tv dinners for her reception meal. It was the saddest looking chicken marsala accompanied with what looked like straight out of the bag cut frozen veggies, no way those mixed veggies were fresh. This bride's wedding totaled an entire 40 points. I'd say that is the lowest score I've seen on this show.

40?  That is an all time low!!  I have seen some where the highest score barely cracked 90 but 40?  Please let us know which one it is.  I am still waiting for the rerun of the San Francisco one where a bride was clearly trying to low ball the others and ended up in fourth place.  She complained one bride did not provide floss!!!  (Seriously.)  As someone who is getting married a week from Saturday, floss is very low on my list.  Actually, it is not on my list at all!

[cpcathy]

Gasp! No floss!

[Quof]

I'm trying to remember the scoring system to figure out one gets 40.   Since 40 isn't divisible by 3, she didn't get the lowest score from all brides in all categories. Someone threw her a 3rd place vote in a category, rather than 4th.

[Lady Iris]

^^^ It was season 1 episode 5 ...And Fireworks.

IIRC she scored 9's across the board for dress, venue and food. I tell ya, that food had it coming. I wish I could say I paid more attention to the overall experience score but I must've missed that part. I'll blame my cat. I'm sure she was distracting me or some such.

Edited September 28, 2017 by Lady Iris

[Quof]

A coworker went to a wedding recently with no dessert.  No wedding cake, no nothing. Because the bride and groom don't like sweets.  Newsflash - when you invite other people, it stops being all about what you like.   Most of your guests like something sweet after a nice meal.  

I would have taken my gift and left, then driven through Dairy Queen.

[Lady Iris]

Haha! No worse than those poor brides that had to get their own dinner and eat it in parking lot because they were starving.

[cpcathy]

I went to a wedding once that was at least an hour away from my home, we got a few of us into my friend's van and drove out there. Once we were there, everything started late, and the reception was at someone's home, food was not plentiful. We all agreed that our stomachs were rumbling and left, went to a Taco Bell drivethrough on the way home.

[gonecrackers]

6 hours ago, Quof said:

A coworker went to a wedding recently with no dessert.  No wedding cake, no nothing. Because the bride and groom don't like sweets.  Newsflash - when you invite other people, it stops being all about what you like.   Most of your guests like something sweet after a nice meal.  

I would have taken my gift and left, then driven through Dairy Queen.

I probably would've left the gift but Dairy Queen sounds like a nice on the way home option.

I do agree though, that even if you have particular tastes that doesn't mean every guest there has to deal with it. Like the bride who loved junk food; she still had real food- plated meals at her reception for everyone, which is the considerate thing to do.

I think there was another who was gluten free, as well as the vegetarians on the show, who have options for their guests; they don't impose their own choices on everyone.

With dessert I've noticed some forgoing cakes in lieu of ice cream or even in one show, pizza, & another, pies. I'm not sure how I feel about that. I definitely feel some kind of dessert should be offered, but I do love a cake as a celebratory thing, & they don't have to be the overdone way too expensive ones. I've seen the smaller ones & some cupcakes as another good option.

Too much dessert talk; now I want chocolate...

Edited September 28, 2017 by gonecrackers

[Mrs. Hanson]

2 minutes ago, gonecrackers said:

I do agree though, that even if you have particular tastes that doesn't mean every guest there has to deal with it. Like the bride who loved junk food; she still had real food- plated meals at her reception for everyone, which is the considerate thing to do.

Yep - we are having an Almond Ring Cake (it is a Norweigan thing) but also serving super yummy brownies.  The Ring Cake comes with a certain pudding (called Rommegrot if anyone is curious) as Almond Ring cake may not be everyone's thing!!  LOL!

 

6 hours ago, Lady Iris said:

Haha! No worse than those poor brides that had to get their own dinner and eat it in parking lot because they were starving.

Yes that was Julie, the devout Christian.  Great for her but her sweets only reception was a little lacking in, oh I don't know.....food?  (Also, her bangs were in her eyes!!  Brush your hair Julie!!!  LOL!)

[Lovecat]

On 9/28/2017 at 9:01 AM, Lady Iris said:

^^^ It was season 1 episode 5 ...And Fireworks.

IIRC she scored 9's across the board for dress, venue and food. I tell ya, that food had it coming. I wish I could say I paid more attention to the overall experience score but I must've missed that part. I'll blame my cat. I'm sure she was distracting me or some such.

I just watched this one; she got a 13 for overall experience.  (3 x 9) + 13 = 40.  That food was indeed sad, and her venue was pretty tacky.  She was a PILL about everyone else's wedding, too!  And for all of her tutting over alcohol, I swear I saw girlfriend with some wine in her hand at one of the shindigs. 

I just got married on September 9, and I picked up this show as part of my wedding planning stress...now I can't quit it.  I suppose I'll get to the point where I've seen every episode, and then I'll be done.  Right?  RIGHT??

[gonecrackers]

32 minutes ago, Lovecat said:

I just got married on September 9, and I picked up this show as part of my wedding planning stress...now I can't quit it.  I suppose I'll get to the point where I've seen every episode, and then I'll be done.  Right?  RIGHT??

Mmmmm, no. It never ends. Reruns... muahahahahahhahahahha!

Congrats on your marriage. :)

I somehow can't picture the pill of a bride on the '...and fireworks'. I looked it up to see faces at least. That included the one who came in on the boat, who won, right? And I think there was a renewal, & one "Hollywood" theme bride who admitted she called her wedding planner to change a few things after she saw the first wedding... classic.  The other bride is not memorable to me so was that the pill?

[Mrs. Hanson]

3 hours ago, Lovecat said:

I suppose I'll get to the point where I've seen every episode, and then I'll be done.  Right?  RIGHT??

You will never be done!!  It is too much fun to make fun of these people and their choices.  

[Lady Iris]

18 hours ago, Lovecat said:

I just watched this one; she got a 13 for overall experience.  (3 x 9) + 13 = 40.  That food was indeed sad, and her venue was pretty tacky.  She was a PILL about everyone else's wedding, too!  And for all of her tutting over alcohol, I swear I saw girlfriend with some wine in her hand at one of the shindigs. 

Yes! Total pill and found her "cheaply made" comment about one of the brides dresses especially snooty.

And congratulations on your wedding! Photobooths? Candlemaking station? Flambe dessert presentation? Local sports mascot? Flash mob? Martini ice luge? Live fish centerpieces? DJ's telling people who didn't rsvp putting them out in the parking lot? Bottled soda at the tables? We need details ;-)

[auntjess]

5 hours ago, Lady Iris said:

And congratulations on your wedding! Photobooths? Candlemaking station? 

Sounds like something you'd do at day camp, or Bible school.
I don't want to be entertained at a wedding.  It's a social obligation, like a funeral, and I like to get in and out as quickly and painlessly as possible.
Sorry, I just think if all this money went toward a house down payment, the couple would be better off, unless they're really rich.

[Mrs. Hanson]

5 hours ago, Lady Iris said:

Photobooths? Candlemaking station? Flambe dessert presentation? Local sports mascot? Flash mob? Martini ice luge? Live fish centerpieces? DJ's telling people who didn't rsvp putting them out in the parking lot? Bottled soda at the tables? We need details ;-)

Hey!!  Those are MY ideas for MY wedding.....MY DAY!!!!!  The martini ice luge did make me laugh.  

 

48 minutes ago, auntjess said:

I don't want to be entertained at a wedding. 

Dammit!!  Now I have to cancel my Charlie Chaplin imitator, the blackjack dealer, the magician, the can can girls,  tarot card reader, bean bag toss, lawn games, cigar roller, caricaturist, dress up booth for the roving photographer, dueling pianos,  croquet, fire breathing dancers and the professional stand up comic to emcee the event.  And the "How Well do You Know the Bride and Groom?" game that was supposed to last 30 minutes, about 25 minutes longer than most people want.......

[Lovecat]

6 hours ago, Lady Iris said:

Yes! Total pill and found her "cheaply made" comment about one of the brides dresses especially snooty.

And congratulations on your wedding! Photobooths? Candlemaking station? Flambe dessert presentation? Local sports mascot? Flash mob? Martini ice luge? Live fish centerpieces? DJ's telling people who didn't rsvp putting them out in the parking lot? Bottled soda at the tables? We need details ;-)

We did have a photobooth, yes, and an Irish trio played the cocktail hour.  No ice sculptures, no swans, no paté, no white-gloved waiters, Plenty of good food and booze, no animals were harmed, and the dance floor was busy all night.  A pretty damn good party, if I may say so myself.  I like to think my Overall Experience score would have come in somewhere around a 25 :)

50 minutes ago, auntjess said:

Sounds like something you'd do at day camp, or Bible school.
I don't want to be entertained at a wedding.  It's a social obligation, like a funeral, and I like to get in and out as quickly and painlessly as possible.
Sorry, I just think if all this money went toward a house down payment, the couple would be better off, unless they're really rich.

It's called a wedding invitation, not a wedding summons.  If you find it to be that unpleasant, you don't have to go.  I hope that the people who attended our wedding were there because they love and support us, and not out of any sense of obligation.

For the record, not that I need to justify my life choices to anyone except myself and my new husband, we're both 47 and own two homes between us (we're not rich by any stretch of the imagination, just, you know, fully-formed adults).  H is a widower who went through hell with his late wife; I waited a hell of a long time to find a true partner to share my life with.  We deserve a nice party.  Appreciate your concern, though.

[cpcathy]

Congrats on your marriage!

[auntjess]

3 hours ago, Lovecat said:

It's called a wedding invitation, not a wedding summons.  If you find it to be that unpleasant, you don't have to go. 

Peace.  But I was raised in an era of ceremony, half hour to get to the venue, dinner wiht 2 hours tops, and you're free to go.
Maybe I just had way too many cousins to enjoy the weddings, and had to transport my elderly mother from RI to the Keys for weddings, and people would think I had an enjoyable trip.

[gonecrackers]

I think there's a difference between showing up for someone you care about because you care or going to just anyone's wedding 'because'. I know someone who accepts EVERY invitation, & they are typically people they do not hang out with & will probably not have long term relationships with... that doesn't mean anything to me, personally. But I guess they can afford it & like the party.

[Mrs. Hanson]

18 hours ago, Lovecat said:

On 10/3/2017 at 8:27 AM, Lady Iris said:

Yes! Total pill and found her "cheaply made" comment about one of the brides dresses especially snooty.

And congratulations on your wedding! Photobooths? Candlemaking station? Flambe dessert presentation? Local sports mascot? Flash mob? Martini ice luge? Live fish centerpieces? DJ's telling people who didn't rsvp putting them out in the parking lot? Bottled soda at the tables? We need details ;-)

We did have a photobooth, yes, and an Irish trio played the cocktail hour.  No ice sculptures, no swans, no paté, no white-gloved waiters, Plenty of good food and booze, no animals were harmed, and the dance floor was busy all night.  A pretty damn good party, if I may say so myself.  I like to think my Overall Experience score would have come in somewhere around a 25 :)

Sounds like a great time!!  Congratulations!

 

18 hours ago, Lovecat said:

For the record, not that I need to justify my life choices to anyone except myself and my new husband, we're both 47 and own two homes between us (we're not rich by any stretch of the imagination, just, you know, fully-formed adults).  H is a widower who went through hell with his late wife; I waited a hell of a long time to find a true partner to share my life with.  We deserve a nice party.  Appreciate your concern, though.

I hear ya!!  Me and fiance are both 52, employed FT, own a house, three cars, and a hunting cabin so yeah....we can have our own event how we want it.  LIke you, not rich by anyone's standards but we can afford our shindig.    So, no, I did not show up in Kleinfield's, begging for a $6000 dress then turning to my parents to pay for it!!  LOL!  (They would have told me to buy my own damn dress btw!)  

 

18 hours ago, Lovecat said:

It's called a wedding invitation, not a wedding summons

Yep - I wish I could have told that to my former sister in law (I am getting hitched for the second time on Saturday) as she showed up in jeans and a t shirt, refused to pose for photos and sat in a different bar area and acted like she was doing us a favor.  

I, too, want people to come as they want the best for me and fiance and want to share in our day!!!

Edited October 4, 2017 by Mrs. Hanson

[Lovecat]

14 hours ago, auntjess said:

Peace.  But I was raised in an era of ceremony, half hour to get to the venue, dinner wiht 2 hours tops, and you're free to go.
Maybe I just had way too many cousins to enjoy the weddings, and had to transport my elderly mother from RI to the Keys for weddings, and people would think I had an enjoyable trip.

And peace back to you.  Sorry to be bristly; I think fundamentally we agree that there is way too much ridiculousness expected from the modern wedding.  Even with my age and wisdom (heh...can barely keep a straight face on that one!), it was easy to get sucked into it all--my wedding was pretty simple by modern standards, but I still gave myself a great deal of agita comparing it to fancy Main Line weddings I've attended over the years.  That's where my Four Weddings binge watching came in handy, actually--it re-emphasized that money can't buy taste, and made me feel good about the choices I had made during wedding planning.  At the end of the day, we did what felt right for us and for our guests, and if anyone went home unhappy, well that was on them.

Mrs. Hanson, I wish you all the best on your big day!!  Relax, breathe, and makes sure you take the time to enjoy it with your new husband, because it is absolutely true--it goes by in a flash.

[auntjess]

I think we do agree on much.
  I've seen wedding cost angst show up on my DIY shows, they need an Income Property to pay for both the mortgage AND the wedding, they can't afford to fix the roof/foundation/structure, or they CAN'T AFFORD TO GET MARRIED, so please Mike Holmes fix our house.
 

Edited October 4, 2017 by auntjess