Online Dating: Swiping Right Or Left?

[aradia22]

Am I the only one who didn't assume that Disney was talking about a girl?

Also last (?) update from Mr. Pretty Teeth. 10:27 am Oh yeah if you ever want to Netflix and chill, text me

[DkNNy79]

7 minutes ago, aradia22 said:

Am I the only one who didn't assume that Disney was talking about a girl?

Also last (?) update from Mr. Pretty Teeth. 10:27 am Oh yeah if you ever want to Netflix and chill, text me

To me that's code for come over and make out.  Or at least in my experience it is, I never end up finishing any movie that we start.

 

Cute dog - who can say no to that.

[roseslg]

11 minutes ago, aradia22 said:

Am I the only one who didn't assume that Disney was talking about a girl?

Also last (?) update from Mr. Pretty Teeth. 10:27 am Oh yeah if you ever want to Netflix and chill, text me

Ugh... I can't shake my head enough at this.  

[DisneyBoy]

LOL, it was a girl. I usually keep gender pronouns neutral. Doesn't everyone?

That puppy thing is great...or serial killer creepy. I'll have to practice in the mirror.

[editorgrrl]

Back on the topic of online dating, "I Was Catfished By ABC's What Would You Do?" http://adequateman.deadspin.com/i-was-catfished-by-abcs-what-would-you-do-1773915855

Tom Cush, who has social anxiety disorder (and is a little person), was tricked into a brunch date by someone on Bumble. He says she's an "aspiring celebrity" who "wanted my confirmation that the whole thing was hilarious."

 

"Maple Match: service helps Trump-fleeing Americans find love in Canada" http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2016/may/10/maple-match-dating-service-americans-canada-trump 

Nearly 5,000 singles have signed up—and the app hasn’t even launched yet.

Edited May 12, 2016 by editorgrrl

[aradia22]

Quote

LOL, it was a girl. I usually keep gender pronouns neutral. Doesn't everyone?

Sorry, Disney. I just assume most of the guys I meet who like theatre are gay. I'm generally right. ;)

Anyway, if it's a girl, I 100% would not approach her on the train.

Also, I hate What Would You Do. That show is garbage.

[ratgirlagogo]

21 hours ago, editorgrrl said:

Back on the topic of online dating, "I Was Catfished By ABC's What Would You Do?" http://adequateman.deadspin.com/i-was-catfished-by-abcs-what-would-you-do-1773915855

Tom Cush, who has social anxiety disorder (and is a little person), was tricked into a brunch date by someone on Bumble. He says she's an "aspiring celebrity" who "wanted my confirmation that the whole thing was hilarious."

And here I thought nothing could make me hate What Would You Do? more than I already do. 

[aradia22]

Lots of dates (at least in a row) set up for this week. I'm not that excited about Wednesday but I'm taking a chance. He seems nice enough but he sends terrible messages (difficult to even comprehend). The Thursday guy seems very promising. We've been talking for quite a while. The Friday guy is intriguing on paper but it could go either way. I don't have a great read on him yet.

Aside from that, okc is starting to feel like a part-time job again. Trying to motivate myself to send messages knowing that for every 20 messages, I might get 5 responses, if I'm lucky.

[roseslg]

@aradia22, I always sent messages on OKC while enjoying an adult beverage.  It helped.   A lot

[JTMacc99]

Good for you @aradia22, I hope you hit on something worth exploring, or at least a fun date or two.  And I totally agree with the adult beverage idea. Hee!

Edited May 17, 2016 by JTMacc99

[aradia22]

Thanks, guys. Unfortunately, I don't drink. But I'm trying to be chill about it anyway. It is very annoying that the people I seem to match with best are the ones who are least likely to message back. It's not even that I have unreasonable expectations and I'm going for the most attractive prospects. I'm trying to do what the site wants me to and go for the guys they are recommending. :p

[aradia22]

Date #1. Let's call him Mr. Pizza. Because he makes pizza. Sometimes I don't have the energy to be clever/they don't really stand out in any way. That was the case with Mr. Pizza. I did not have high hopes for this date. I went to the gym in the afternoon, took a shower, and changed and then came home to do my makeup. Then I waited forever for the bus. It was a mistake to try to meet at 5. So much traffic. I was half an hour late. He was incredibly understanding though and we had a nice time at a tea place I know sharing a dessert plate. Then he suggested a movie so we walked a bit to a nearby theater. The movie was a little romantic but kind of mediocre. I could sense that he was bored and he kept crowding me. Not like he was trying to make a move, just slumping over the armrest into my personal space. Overall the date went much better than I had anticipated from his messages. We didn't seem to really connect on anything or have much in common but we were friendly and the conversation flowed fine. I'm not feeling any spark of attraction. I might see him again but at the moment, I don't see it really going anywhere. He's nice. But many guys are nice. A girl needs something to work with.

[ebk57]

@DisneyBoy , saw this today and thought of this thread.  It can be done!

 

http://www.nytimes.com/2016/05/19/nyregion/new-york-today-a-subway-love-story.html?rref=collection%2Fsectioncollection%2Fnyregion&action=click&contentCollection=nyregion&region=stream&module=stream_unit&version=latest&contentPlacement=2&pgtype=sectionfront

[aradia22]

Date #2. Let's call him Mr. Psych. I was right to look forward to this one. I really like him. Not off the charts attraction or the emotional/common interests/intellectual sparks but yeah, I could see myself actually dating him if that part of it materialized. We're about the same intellectual level and the conversation flowed really easily. I wouldn't say we have the same worldview or the same opinions but I guess we're both generally accepting of things and don't take things too much to heart. We're somewhat more patient and tolerant personalities. I do find him attractive, just not in the superficial or physical way I was attracted to Mr. Makeout. Again, Mr. Psych is a guy I could see myself going out with long term. He just projects stability in that way. No real red flags. Not boring but normal. Now of course we would have to eventually find something to connect on but yeah, I'm feeling positive. We met for dinner and we didn't say goodbye until 5 1/2 hours later at 1:00am. The only thing that worries me is our 10-15 minute walk to the train. The conversation didn't flow quite as well and our goodbye was an awkward hug. He's not that much taller than me so I couldn't look up at him expectantly which is what I tend to do. I don't know if I'm reading too much into it. Is he not attracted to me? Have I switched back into giving serious "don't kiss me" vibes? It reminds a little of another promising date I went on ages ago with a guy who seemed to really want to go on a second date but when I couldn't make the day he suggested, he just stopped messaging me. I hope that doesn't happen here. I'll keep you posted.

[JTMacc99]

@aradia22 my new friend has from time to time asked me to bring her back from what she calls overthinking it. I ask her to do the same for me.  

I'd offer that maybe after 5 1/2 hours on a first date, there was a decent chance that the energy levels might have been naturally low and that it doesn't in any way negate the good stuff before that.

[roseslg]

@aradia22, sounds like a great date.  Anything that passes more than 3 hours usually is.  It's also weird to know what to do at the end of the first date. You never want to be too forward. At leas I don't.  I would usually just hug,   Will there be a second date?  

[aradia22]

Thanks, JTMacc99. I'm hoping that's the case. I can get a little loopy on these long dates but I think we were both fine with each other's honesty so I hope nothing like that was the problem. The kiss or hug issue on a first date is always tricky to navigate. When I was really not feeling it, it resulted in a lot of hugs and kisses on the cheek as a quickly turned my head at the last minute. A guy who really goes for the kiss usually really goes for the kiss in my experience. Of course, we were also in a brightly lit subway station instead of a street corner at night so maybe the mood also wasn't right for such a bold move.

@Roseslg, It's hard for me to tell sometimes because with a few exceptions, my dates tend to go this long anyway. I don't know why. 4-5 hours is my norm. But generally not this late at night. I usually go on day dates. But we just kept talking. I think that's a good sign. I'm hoping there's a second date.

[aradia22]

UPDATE: Date #3 is sick. So there is no date #3 today.

[aradia22]

UPDATE: Date with Mr. Psych scheduled for Friday. Date with Mr. Animation scheduled for Saturday.

Possible date with Mr. Pizza? Thinking it over. Again, torn between giving him a chance and leading him on.

[roseslg]

Is Mr. Animation new? Maybe I'm just being extra nice, but I say give everyone a second date and then start cutting people off!

[aradia22]

@roseslg Nope, they get nicknames after the date. Well, except for Mr. Good Morning, I guess. ;)

[ratgirlagogo]

On 5/19/2016 at 4:33 PM, ebk57 said:

 

@DisneyBoy , saw this today and thought of this thread.  It can be done!

 

It's a sweet story but boy oh boy are they obnoxious looking in that photo.  

[roseslg]

@aradia22 My friends and I would give names too.  Everyone got a name except my husband.  There was Communist Seth (lived in a Commune on Staten Island), Bird Man (he had several birds), some others I can't remember... Half the fun is in the naming! I sort of miss coming up with the names.  

[DkNNy79]

On ‎5‎/‎22‎/‎2016 at 11:19 PM, aradia22 said:

UPDATE: Date with Mr. Psych scheduled for Friday. Date with Mr. Animation scheduled for Saturday.

Possible date with Mr. Pizza? Thinking it over. Again, torn between giving him a chance and leading him on.

Very exciting.  Best of luck on both of them.  Living vicariously through you at the moment. :)

[DisneyBoy]

Quote

@aradia22, I always sent messages on OKC while enjoying an adult beverage.  It helped.   A lot

Ha! No offense but didn't that make you more likely to make the messages more overtly flirty? That's the kind of thing most people have to watch out for...

Quote

@DISNEYBOY , saw this today and thought of this thread.  It can be done!

:) Attaboy! And he made art from it as well. Okay, I'm officially empowered.

Quote

It's a sweet story but boy oh boy are they obnoxious looking in that photo.

Granted.

Quote

He's not that much taller than me so I couldn't look up at him expectantly which is what I tend to do. 

The reason every single tall guy on the planet gets dates regardless of his personality.

Quote

A guy who really goes for the kiss usually really goes for the kiss in my experience. Of course, we were also in a brightly lit subway station instead of a street corner at night so maybe the mood also wasn't right for such a bold move.

Don't be afraid to take the lead there. I think most guys would find a gentle but firm "come here" followed by a lean in and brief kiss a welcome ice breaker. It doesn't make you an automatic hussy and it relieves them from the stress of having to figure out the when and how.

[DeLurker]

3 hours ago, roseslg said:

@aradia22 My friends and I would give names too.  Everyone got a name except my husband.  There was Communist Seth (lived in a Commune on Staten Island), Bird Man (he had several birds), some others I can't remember... Half the fun is in the naming! I sort of miss coming up with the names.  

Naming was fun - from way back when, my friends and I had:  Mopey Mike, Big Face, Boy, Dumb Legs, Tall Boy,...the list goes on but those were the ones that were the funniest to us.

[roseslg]

I think it would allow me to even write the message to begin with.  I made the mistake of reading profiles and tried to have something to say... 

 

I particularly like "Boy".  My family is sort of mean so we would have names for most of the boyfriends other family members would bring around.  My personal favourite was Short Foot Big Hem.  

[ZaldamoWilder]

5 hours ago, roseslg said:

@aradia22 My friends and I would give names too.  Everyone got a name except my husband.  There was Communist Seth (lived in a Commune on Staten Island), Bird Man (he had several birds), some others I can't remember... Half the fun is in the naming! I sort of miss coming up with the names.  

My particular fave of your colorful dating stories was birdman, because, birds, really?  Was it intentional? did you not come up with one for your husband because you *knew*?

35 minutes ago, roseslg said:

I think it would allow me to even write the message to begin with.  I made the mistake of reading profiles and tried to have something to say... 

 

I particularly like "Boy".  My family is sort of mean so we would have names for most of the boyfriends other family members would bring around.  My personal favourite was Short Foot Big Hem.  

If you seriously think this doesn't require more words...?  LOL!

[DeLurker]

Quote

If you seriously think this doesn't require more words...?  LOL!

Agreed!

[JTMacc99]

I've got the mental picture for Short Foot Big Hem.  Heh.

[roseslg]

Maybe I knew with the hubby...

Well, Short Foot Big Hem was kinda short so one aunt supposed that he had big hems in all his pants.  Thus, the name was born. My cousin broke up with SFBH and then moved on to "Shit Belly" who had a big belly and another aunt said it must be full of shit because he would eat so damn much.  She met him while crossing the street.  He was a total loser and obnoxious as hell (they both were).

My aunts had their share of loser named bf's too.  There was "Gold Teeth Don Gorgan" (he had a gold front tooth and a very island look) and "Bootleg Bobby Brown" (self explanatory) and some more.  

 

No wonder I didn't bring anyone around these people.   

[DkNNy79]

1 hour ago, roseslg said:

Maybe I knew with the hubby...

Well, Short Foot Big Hem was kinda short so one aunt supposed that he had big hems in all his pants.  Thus, the name was born. My cousin broke up with SFBH and then moved on to "Shit Belly" who had a big belly and another aunt said it must be full of shit because he would eat so damn much.  She met him while crossing the street.  He was a total loser and obnoxious as hell (they both were).

My aunts had their share of loser named bf's too.  There was "Gold Teeth Don Gorgan" (he had a gold front tooth and a very island look) and "Bootleg Bobby Brown" (self explanatory) and some more.  

 

No wonder I didn't bring anyone around these people.   

OMG.  LOL!!!  I think bootleg bobby brown is my favorite.

[roseslg]

@DkNNy79, my aunt (the one who named him, not the one who dated him), would always start singing My Prerogative around him too.  

[ZaldamoWilder]

3 hours ago, roseslg said:

Maybe I knew with the hubby...

Well, Short Foot Big Hem was kinda short so one aunt supposed that he had big hems in all his pants.  Thus, the name was born. My cousin broke up with SFBH and then moved on to "Shit Belly" who had a big belly and another aunt said it must be full of shit because he would eat so damn much.  She met him while crossing the street.  He was a total loser and obnoxious as hell (they both were).

My aunts had their share of loser named bf's too.  There was "Gold Teeth Don Gorgan" (he had a gold front tooth and a very island look) and "Bootleg Bobby Brown" (self explanatory) and some more.  

 

No wonder I didn't bring anyone around these people.   

ROTFLMAO!!!     I am on the damn floor!

Shit belly??? lololol!! Girl. 

 

 

[aradia22]

So, erp, too many dates! I forgot I had one with a new guy for tonight until he messaged me last night. And then I ended up having to cancel anyway for a family event. Hopefully we'll reschedule though.

[DisneyBoy]

Wow. Shit Belly. That's intense...!

[roseslg]

Everyone hated him. Well, except for her.  She did after a while.  She had to pay him to pick up their kid.  She justified paying for his phone bill since he picked her up too.  Not a nice name, but it wasn't undeserved. 

[DisneyBoy]

Ah. Okay that makes a bit more sense.

[JTMacc99]

A little venting here:  Good lord it is a pain in the ass to date when you're both in your forties, working full time jobs, live almost an hour away from each other, and are running households full of kids.

The Venn Diagrams of free time have very few intersections.  Sigh.

[DeLurker]

True, but I would venture a guess that it makes you both look forward to those times and appreciate them more while they are happening.

[JTMacc99]

2 hours ago, DeLurker said:

True, but I would venture a guess that it makes you both look forward to those times and appreciate them more while they are happening.

Don't rain your sunshine down on my cloudy day DeLurker. LOL.

Yes, of course we do. And they are great.  The other side is when one of us has to cancel at the last minute because that's the way life works, and the next window might be next Saturday, we end up with a lot of pent up energy that needs to be burned off.  Because as you noted, we do look forward to it, and to have it pulled away tends to leave me with a bit of a defeated feeling.

On the bright side, looks like we're still a go for cutting out of work early on Friday and sitting on the porch of one of the local wineries for a couple hours all by ourselves. And I kind of invited myself to a wedding with her on Sunday when I threatened to crash it, and as it turns out, there's a perfectly legitimate way for me to go.  

Edited May 25, 2016 by JTMacc99

[DisneyBoy]

Best of luck! Sounds like the wheels are in motion...

[aradia22]

Here's where things stand now. Date with Mr. Psych tomorrow. Date with Mr. Animation Saturday. Date with a new guy on Sunday. And a date with another new guy on Wednesday.

[roseslg]

@aradia22, are you on more than one site?  Good luck with the dates!!!

[DisneyBoy]

Aaaand it happened again today. Different target, but same situation. Only we weren't anywhere close to one another so there was no chance of speaking.

But there was eye contact. Bold, sustained eye contact! I'm such a bad-ass, no?

Didn't get a smile and didn't offer one, though. I think the rest of the people around us noticed us both glancing in the same directions. Can't exactly smile with an audience. And its tough not knowing if the look back means "are you seriously still checking me out, you weirdo?" or "hmm, I'm liking what I'm seeing...but embarrassed".

[aradia22]

I should have been suspicious about a week ago when I had to send more than one message through the app and through text to get him to answer me. But on May 21, everything still seemed fine. Then Thursday, I messaged Mr. Animation on the app about our plans and he answered me Friday morning saying he was going to have to cancel because an ex came back into his life and he wanted to give her a chance. Now, I'm fine with this. We didn't hit it off that well. I'm just annoyed because it didn't seem like she just popped up Thursday night. He has my number. I feel like he wouldn't even have said anything if I hadn't messaged him Thursday. I could have made other plans. It's a little annoying.

Now on to the date with Mr. Psych. I've come to the conclusion that museums are not great spots if there's an exhibit I actually want to see. They're great for provoking conversations if you're just wandering about. But if you're actually interested in an exhibit you can't be as connected to each other. Thus, it came across as more of a friend date. And then we wandered around trying to find a place that was still open (and not closing soon) and eventually found a nice little Italian restaurant but the museum had kind of set the "friend date" tone for the evening. We again said goodbye in a brightly lit subway station but he did kiss me this time and also give me a hug. It was a quick kiss though. Nothing objectionable but not enough to produce any sparks. More of a peck. We're probably going to go out again next week. I do really like him. I just need to give it one or two more dates to see if it could be romantic or if it's definitely in a friendly way.

@roseslg Nope, just okc.

[aradia22]

New guy tonight. We shall call him Mr. Quiet Smile. Mr. Quiet Smile is rather handsome. Not as handsome as Mr. Makeout but a step up from the average guy. He also has very muscly arms. He works as a paralegal and in a restaurant while going to school. We went for dinner at a place he suggested. He was 20 minutes late because of public transportation and I had to leave two hours after our original meeting time so we kept things short. Also, they kicked us out because people were waiting because... Korean restaurant. The meal was OK. The food wasn't fantastic. Conversation was polite. I drove most of it. He seemed a little unsure of himself. I think it might be because he said I was his first okc date after joining a few weeks ago. He wasn't a big conversationalist. I'd rank him below Mr. Animation but above Mr. Pretty Teeth in terms of his ability to continue a conversation when I was not driving the conversation and introducing topics. I call him Mr. Quiet Smile because when I would take a larger bite food and his short answer didn't fill all the time I needed to chew and swallow it he would make a lot of eye contact and keep staring at me until I smiled and he smiled back. This happened a lot. I do like him. I don't feel any flutters but he's attractive and seems nice. I would go out with him again if he asked. There just wasn't anything that really grabbed me about the date. We hugged goodbye and then I think we had a moment like "should we kiss" but we ended up just laughing off the awkwardness and going our separate ways. I did have a message from him when I got home so that's something.

[aradia22]

New guy tonight. Mr. Nurse. Mr. Nurse is very short. I am 5'3. He was at least 5 inches, maybe a full head shorter than me. Look, I'm not one of those girls who needs a guy who is six feet tall but given how short I am, I draw the line at guys shorter than me. He was also not much of a talker. He answered questions when they were posed and I could get him talking about his job (as a nurse) and traveling a little bit but I find it very tiring to have to drive the conversation all the time. He hinted that he wanted to see me again towards the end of the date but I was noncommittal. Like, Mr. Short But Sweet, seeing him again would 100% be leading him on. And we went on a really cute date too. We got ice cream and then saw a show with 50's/60's music. No sparks.

Edited to add that he spent much of the date coughing to the point that I don't think he should have been on the date. He was fine in the theater but on our walk afterwards I thought he might hack out a lung.

Edited June 2, 2016 by aradia22

[DkNNy79]

8 hours ago, aradia22 said:

New guy tonight. Mr. Nurse. Mr. Nurse is very short. I am 5'3. He was at least 5 inches, maybe a full head shorter than me. Look, I'm not one of those girls who needs a guy who is six feet tall but given how short I am, I draw the line at guys shorter than me. He was also not much of a talker. He answered questions when they were posed and I could get him talking about his job (as a nurse) and traveling a little bit but I find it very tiring to have to drive the conversation all the time. He hinted that he wanted to see me again towards the end of the date but I was noncommittal. Like, Mr. Short But Sweet, seeing him again would 100% be leading him on. And we went on a really cute date too. We got ice cream and then saw a show with 50's/60's music. No sparks.

Edited to add that he spent much of the date coughing to the point that I don't think he should have been on the date. He was fine in the theater but on our walk afterwards I thought he might hack out a lung.

Did you know he was that short going in the date?  I'm only 5'2 and could never see myself dating someone my height or shorter.

[roseslg]

@aradia22, definitely no to a second date.  I hate when people are misleading about their height, well just misleading in general.   Next!