Online Dating: Swiping Right Or Left?

[aradia22]

 

Now, because life is weird sometimes I get invested in this and want Person A (who cannot win at this point) to respond or act like I want him to. And when he doesn't I get annoyed, and it becomes a cycle. Not fair for him or me, but I keep going, truth be told often because I find the person hot. And want it to work.

I definitely get what you're saying and i think that's a part of it. But the other part is that I don't really have a great read on him and I haven't gotten to the place where I can trust him yet (partially my fault, partially his for all the boundary pushing) and so I'm inclined to be skeptical of him. Anyway, we're going to a concert later in January. I said no to seeing him Friday. He wanted to meet after he got off from work at 9 for a late dinner. I was firm on saying no.

 

I feel like I'm losing my nicknaming skills or the guys just aren't standing out for some reason. Let's call this one Mr. Agreeable. Mr. Agreeable showed up right on time dressed pretty casually. But so was I. We saw a fun show that was more of a concert than a real show and it was only 90 minutes. Then we walked and talked on the way to a bar he knew and got drinks and kept talking until they were clearing up for the night a little more than 2 hours later. It was great. I didn't exactly feel butterflies but I really liked him. I felt "on" because it was a date but in a way that felt really natural. It was like talking to a friend. I may have said a few crazy things or rambled a bit too much in my excitement but we just pinged back and forth from topic to topic. There were a few times when he would look off (just briefly) and after the date I sent him two messages and he took a long time to reply to the first one and the second one was my number and he hasn't texted. So maybe he wasn't that into me. If he isn't, I'm not broken up about it because I do think we're in a more of a friend stage and I had fun last night regardless of what happens now. But it was good to go on a date that renewed my faith in my ability to be with a guy the way I am with my friends. Does that make any sense? I felt like I could say almost anything to him and I didn't have to be overly flirty or impressive or anything. We could just talk. And he was smart in a way that made me subtly step up my game. It was nice to have someone keep me engaged and challenged.

[aradia22]

So Mr. Good Morning has continued texting. He texted again this morning saying something about how I really don't reply and asking if I'm not interested anymore. He says I should just tell him and not waste our time. I'm conflicted because I want to take him up on it but then that would also mean admitting that I haven't blocked him (and possibly him realizing that I can't). I want to pick whatever path will lead to him not texting me anymore.

Edited December 31, 2015 by aradia22

[KnoxForPres]

I'd go with the silent path. Even though he asked for a reply sometimes when that response is given people get defensive and sometimes even nasty. If he texts again after your continued silence we will have to downgrade him to "Mr. Clueless".

Now on the huge other hand, sounds like Mr Agreeable has some promise! When its easy and natural to be around someone- doesn't get much better than that.

I hope you hear from him! But you're so right, in the event you don't, you're reminded how nice it is to have an ease around another- and that it happens!

[aradia22]

Mr. Good Morning is still texting.
 

Mr. Agreeable has not texted.

 

Mr. Makeout invited himself along to my outing next Friday and I declined saying I wanted to have a day to myself.

 

Also, to come back to the topic of Online Dating, I've begun to explore the site myself instead of waiting to see who "likes" me. There are actually great guys if I narrow it down to the ones who appear to be a good match for me (close to 90%). I've written to some and I'm working up the nerve to write to others.

[aradia22]

What is it about NYE that makes guys think they can just proposition you? Is that really how you want to start the year off? Being a creeper?

[DkNNy79]

So Eric just broke things off. Said he didn't see where this was going. This took me by surprise, I thought things were good between us.

[aradia22]

I'm sorry to hear that, DkNNy79. I went back to revisit your relationship through your posts. He's a first year resident in his 40's with two kids. Did he ever introduce you to them? Maybe he didn't see how you'd fit into that part of his life. You posted a bit about the distance between the two of you, how infrequently you saw each other, and wanting to define the relationship. Maybe he was feeling the same things. How did he break things off? 

[DkNNy79]

No, he doesn't have any kids (that was someone else).

He started the conversation asking how I thought things were going between us and I said I thought things were going very well. He hesitated so that's when I said, "you feel differently." He didn't really have any explanation other then "I just don't see where this is going." He said it had nothing to do with me, but I guess that's not true.

I went over to his place on NYE at his invitation. He had to work the next day, so I thought he wouldn't want to hang out on NYE, but he asked me to come over. Nothing out of the ordinary happened. He was affectionate, so this break up really took me by surprise. What happened between NYE and today that prompted him to break things off?

His profile was still active on Match, so that should've been my clue.

[KnoxForPres]

So Eric just broke things off. Said he didn't see where this was going. This took me by surprise, I thought things were good between us.

Oh Gosh I'm so sorry to hear this. I really am. I didn't expect to read this. Like Aradia I'm curious as well how this played out.

We are here for you.

[aradia22]

Yes, as Knox said, we're here for you whether you want to wallow and overanalyze or jump back out there. You do you.

 

OK, so apparently I'm a bit confused on which one is Eric but regardless, my sense is that things are always going to be complicated when you can't verbalize what you want and need. Maybe he expected you to be more "affectionate" on NYE. Maybe (given how infrequently you see each other) he's been seeing other people and there's someone he likes better. If you're not planning on fighting to stay together (which can go very badly if the other person doesn't feel the same way and it's not a rom-com) then it's probably better not to make yourself crazy wondering what happened in a situation like this.

[DkNNy79]

I know he wasn't my soulmate, but I just felt blind sided. I'm just curious and his explanation just didn't give me enough closure I guess.

No, I'm not planning on fighting for this relationship. That's on him. If I could go back, I would've asked him if he was seeing anyone else. I feel like if I knew he was, I probably wouldn't have pursued this any further beyond a certain point. Like if we've been dating for over a month and you still feel the need to keep your options open, then you're probably not that interested in me. I was honest with him about who I was seeing when we first started dating.

Oh well back to the drawing board.

[KnoxForPres]

Damn, I just hate to hear this.

I've never had a guy ask for a read on the relationship before ending it. And I don't like that approach at all. So you say great when he asks and he says not so much? Fuck that.

So he either has low social skills and no idea how to do things, no history in breaking up/being broken up with, or was being passive aggressive and wanted you to profess love.

It's like asking a potential candidate "do you see yourself at this university/job/internship?

Gleefully "yes, I do!"

"Well too bad because we determined you're not a good fit."

Fuck that all around and forgive the language I'm just so irritated at your by all accounts good NYE and then this. What have I said before? They all suck, the lot of them.

Now is the time to get to find a real man. One who doesn't suck and starts conversations like this "Clearly I'm crazy about you and want you in my life and future".

It hurts so bad right now, God it hurts if you really liked him. But you can and will do so much better than this. And this bad feeling will too pass.

Damn it I keep posting exactly when you do so you read my real reaction before I saw your much more level headed response to this than mine, haha.

[DkNNy79]

He's planning on being a psychiatrist ,so I would've thought he would be able to communicate better.

I think he asked for a read on the relationship so that if I had any reservations/concerns, he would feel better about breaking things off.

Yeah, like I mentioned earlier he was very affectionate on NYE. I spent the night at his place for the first time (no sex - had my period). We cuddled. When he woke up in the morning he spooned me for a little bit, kissed me on my shoulder and then got up to get ready for work. I was still half asleep, but was aware of what he was doing.

Sorry if that was TMI.

[aradia22]

I don't want to fully weigh in without knowing all the details but I will say... trust yourself. Trust yourself to have something good and lean into whatever this is and also trust yourself to know if/when it's right to pull back. You seem to have thought this through enough that I don't worry about co-dependence. I don't know what the other factors are but stay smart and don't put either of yourselves in danger. Why not get to know him? Long distance isn't for everyone but there are always exceptions to the rules.

[ZaldamoWilder]

Do you think the distance and cultural taboo are leading your inclination to pull away?  Does the potential for him to come here exist?  I know it's early yet but would either of you consider it?  Co-dependence doesn't bother me either as long as both of you are enjoying getting to know each other.  Definitely go with your gut but mutual and genuine connections are hard to come by.  

[DeLurker]

In the dark ages, pre-internet, I had a long distance boyfriend (after we met on my last night in town before heading back to college).  This turned into a series of letters (written with charred sticks on tree bark) and non-stop long distance calls for a couple of months.  I have to say it was a different way to get to know someone - our level of emotional intimacy was much higher than I ever thought possible.  The eventual breakup hurt more because of how much more vulnerable that exposure made me.

 

Since you both know from the getgo that it is a non-starter in the real world, I don't think you should distance yourself from what could be a truly mutually supportive friendship.  If it starts to prevent you or him from looking around in real life than consider cutting back.

[DkNNy79]

Is there any possibility of you guys meeting?  That could validate how you're feeling and see if the chemistry is real.  I agree with the others that a mutual and genuine connection is very hard.

 

Good luck though, with whatever you decide.

[KnoxForPres]

That's a hard longevity factor. I say enjoy the ride and have fun.

If there is something there, it will come. I wouldn't think about tomorrow (literally not figuratively) and enjoy the moment.

And congrats on meeting someone you like!

[Lantern7]

Hi. So . . . it's been a while since I dated. I got a free account on OKCupid, but I haven't been diving deeply into that. I was on Match, but I seldom got any connections that answered back. I'm not good with crowds and I don't drink, so I don't hit the "bar scene." I feel a little under-evolved, but I would like to hang with somebody on a regular basis.

[aradia22]

Lantern7, give okc a shot. It does take work to sort through all the nonsense (work I haven't been putting in lately since I've been sick) especially if you're in a big city where there are a lot of potential matches but it's an easy way to find someone to go out with... not sure about relationship potential or anything like that but a date, sure, you'll be fine.

[DkNNy79]

Had a first date last night with a guy from OKC.  We met up for drinks.  I am not interested in seeing him again.  No physical attraction or chemistry - he's kinda short.  Why do guy's put 5'8 down, when they're really 5'5.  The conversation was stunted at times and I felt like I was making more of an effort to keep it going.  He's a "psycho-therapist."

[aradia22]

I don't know if it's because I'm sick or because I'm just kind of over it right now but I'm not really feeling online dating at the moment. I haven't been able to work up the energy to write first messages to anyone since December and I halfheartedly engage in short small talk conversations with the guys who write me that inevitably peter out. 

[DkNNy79]

I definitely go through periods where I need to take a break from online dating. It can be tiresome.

[KnoxForPres]

Had a first date last night with a guy from OKC. We met up for drinks. I am not interested in seeing him again. No physical attraction or chemistry - he's kinda short. Why do guy's put 5'8 down, when they're really 5'5. The conversation was stunted at times and I felt like I was making more of an effort to keep it going. He's a "psycho-therapist."

Damn girl, those therapist types really dig you, lol!

Bonus for using stunted conversation immediately after the short comment. Well played.

[DkNNy79]

Ha ha. I'm not that clever. That was totally accidental.

[aurora296]

I've been following this thread for a couple months now, quietly rooting for DkNNy79, aradia22, nosleepforme and anyone else who's online dating to find some success with it. It will give me hope that finding love online is possible. 

 

My story:

 

I am almost 52 years old. i had no children of my own and had fertility issues for many years. Surprisingly, i became pregnant by natural conception and delivered a son one week before my 46th birthday.

The father of my son was someone I was hopping in the sack with "for old times sake". We had dated previously when we were both 18 until about 24 years old. 

I guess it's true you should never go back to an old relationship. As soon as I realized he wasn't someone I wanted long term. I became pregnant. 

I gave it a good shot, trying to stay together for our son's sake, but I knew he didn't love me like i deserved. He got more and more verbally abusive as time went on.

I went through a very stressful time learning the ropes as a new mother, juggling my full time job and not getting any support, financially or emotionally from my son's dad. 

I was staying home every night with my son, not seeing my friends anymore and my only solace was food. I became very depressed and developed an "i don't give a crap" attitude about everything except my child. In 3 years, I ended up gaining a ton of weight. 

 

Fast forward to now. I moved to a different city. My son is in kindergarten and I am a single woman in every way. I am trying to work a permanent joint custody schedule with my son's dad, but of course he is fighting me on everything. 

Since March of 2015, I've lost 60+ pounds and I want to lose 25 more. I'm able to wear a lot of my nicer "thin" clothes again and I've been seeing a therapist to work through my depression I had. I am in a much better place now, then I was a couple years ago. 

I am very lonely though. I lost touch with a lot of friends the past few years and have reunited with several of them, I'm trying to get back to the way I was before my son's dad did a number on my self esteem. 

 

Once I have a court mandated custody schedule set up that my son's dad and I can agree on, he will basically be out of my life except for communicating through text about our son. I feel like I'm on the verge of losing some extra, useless baggage.

 

I thought maybe in the spring i could try online dating. I should be at or near goal weight by then. I have so many things I'd like to do i.e.; travel, hobbies that are much more fun to do with a partner. My son is a well rounded kid who has a cute little kindergarten girlfriend. He told me he wants me to get a boyfriend. 

 

My only concern is, not many men in their late 40's/ 50's are interested in finding a mate that has a very young child. I think that might be a huge deal breaker for most.  But I still want to set a up a great profile. have a friend take some realistic photos and get my self out there. 

 

I have a co-worker that, like myself, escaped an abusive relationship then signed up for several dating sites, went out on countless dates like it was her job, shook off the crazies and ones who broke her mojo, kept the faith, kept dating and was successful and finding a great guy who adores her. They just got married 6 months ago. 

 

I haven't had a quality relationship in a long time and I want to show my son what a good and healthy relationship looks like. 

 

KnoxforPres, I like your unbiased feedback you've given about some of these men. I agree with a lot of what you said. Having someone who's not deeply involved is great for getting an objective, non- attached read on some of these men. 

 

Anyway, once i start, I will post about my experiences. 

[DkNNy79]

Thanks for sharing your story Aurora. It gives me hope that I can still be a mother one day.

You might be surprised about men in their late 40s/early 50s and children. It seems a lot of guys are not having kids til their older.

Good luck with your foray into online dating. I am rooting for you!

[KnoxForPres]

Welcome Aurora!

The guy who I do Sunday dollar beer night with is a 48 year old, recently divorced, father of two adult children. Of course, he's but one example of that demographic, but over the months I feel I have a good take on him

He's good looking and works out (shallow, but you know you were wondering :)

Unequivocally and hands down he's just looking for not crazy and not wanting to get married within weeks of meeting. Not once has he mentioned young children being a deterrent. And you know he can't be the only guy out there like that, as DK said, I imagine it's the norm.

But even more, having that concern is just good old fashioned anxiety topped off with a cherry of "what if". If we took that concern and played out its worst case scenario where kiddo was a dealbreaker we end with "he wasn't the right guy".

So the worst case of your worry is a good one! Just get out there and have fun. And do it when you feel you're ready, not when the scale hits the magic dating number.

I wish you success and can't wait to hear your tales! I adore your coworkers approach.

Edited January 26, 2016 by KnoxForPres

[Lexxy]

Ah, online dating stories!

 

Attempting to keep this short - I was in an abusive relationship for 7 years.  One of my outlets was the internet - I love forums, LiveJournal (at the time), etc.  I had to lie so much to my in person family and friends, the internet let me be free (when he didn't take away my internet privileges.  Eye roll.)

 

On my main forum at the time, I started talking more and more to this one guy.  Thought it was innocent at first, but then we both ended up developing feelings...completely online.  They became so strong that I actually got up the nerve to break up with the psycho.  It was EXTREMELY hard but I made it through it.  Online guy moved across the country a few months later to move in with me in my studio apartment in Manhattan.  4 years later we got married, and we've been married for 4 years.  I didn't tell my mother where I really met him until right before we got married because I didn't think she'd approve of me moving in with someone I hadn't really met, but by the time I told her, she loved him so much she couldn't care less. 

 

We're buying a house and now I have to finally make the call about if I want kids, but that's a whoooooole other thread. 

 

And that's my online dating story! 

Edited January 26, 2016 by Lexxy

[aradia22]

 

And do it when you feel you're ready, not when the scale hits the magic dating number.

THIS. I was going to hunt down a PSP post but this sums it up neatly.

[aradia22]

So Mr. Makeout and I were supposed to go to a concert Friday night. But I live in NY and he lives in NJ and we got hit with this snowstorm so... yeah, that didn't happen. He wanted to go out this Friday but I'm going to try to get a ticket to this show myself. I've just had a really awful day today. And the thing is... once again the person I wanted to talk to was my best guy friend. It's not just that I don't feel that close to Mr. Makeout but he's also probably the least sympathetic person I've ever met. Anything you tell him pretty much, he blows off... at least in my experience so far.

 

Still halfheartedly replying to messages. I know I should initiate but I'm still not feeling up to it. 

[JTMacc99]

Welcome Aurora!

The guy who I do Sunday dollar beer night with is a 48 year old, recently divorced, father of two adult children. Of course, he's but one example of that demographic, but over the months I feel I have a good take on him

He's good looking and works out (shallow, but you know you were wondering :)

Unequivocally and hands down he's just looking for not crazy and not wanting to get married within weeks of meeting. Not once has he mentioned young children being a deterrent. And you know he can't be the only guy out there like that, as DK said, I imagine it's the norm.

But even more, having that concern is just good old fashioned anxiety topped off with a cherry of "what if". If we took that concern and played out its worst case scenario where kiddo was a dealbreaker we end with "he wasn't the right guy".

So the worst case of your worry is a good one! Just get out there and have fun. And do it when you feel you're ready, not when the scale hits the magic dating number.

I wish you success and can't wait to hear your tales! I adore your coworkers approach.

Hmm.. As a member of the same general group as dollar beer night guy, I would like to second his "just not crazy" criteria.  Heh.  

 

I have grade school aged children, so I don't think my opinion in that area holds much weight.

Edited January 26, 2016 by JTMacc99

[aurora296]

Welcome Aurora!

The guy who I do Sunday dollar beer night with is a 48 year old, recently divorced, father of two adult children. Of course, he's but one example of that demographic, but over the months I feel I have a good take on him

He's good looking and works out (shallow, but you know you were wondering :)

Unequivocally and hands down he's just looking for not crazy and not wanting to get married within weeks of meeting. Not once has he mentioned young children being a deterrent. And you know he can't be the only guy out there like that, as DK said, I imagine it's the norm.

But even more, having that concern is just good old fashioned anxiety topped off with a cherry of "what if". If we took that concern and played out its worst case scenario where kiddo was a dealbreaker we end with "he wasn't the right guy".

So the worst case of your worry is a good one! Just get out there and have fun. And do it when you feel you're ready, not when the scale hits the magic dating number.

I wish you success and can't wait to hear your tales! I adore your coworkers approach.

Thanks KnoxPres! I been trolling the online dating sites to see what's out there and the majority of men in my range have older kids that still live at home or away at college. I get a vibe that some are looking forward to the empty nest and "me" time. 

A good find would be someone who became a father early in life, but adores spending time with his young grandchildren. Ah well...we'll see.

 

As far as my weight goes, I still have some house projects and other things I want to settle before I dive head first into looking for "the one" and by that time I should be at a goal weight. I actually like what I see when I look in a mirror now, so going on a date at this point wouldn't scare me. 

 

I still feel like my ex is still clutching at the fringes of the relationship and I keep peeling his fingers away to break it off for good. I want everything settled as far as my ex finally understanding we are done and he can't push my buttons anymore. I don't want to involve a new guy in baby daddy drama. LOL! I have a court date set for mid February to set up a permanent custody schedule. I hope it works out for good. 

 

Thanks for the well wishes DkNNY79!!!

[JAYJAY1979]

With the leading gay app grindr off line for several hours...there was a twitter meltdown.

http://www.chicagonow.com/confessions-coffeeholic/2016/01/four-things-to-do-grindr-stops-grinding/

[aradia22]

Wow. I felt like I hadn't been checking in for a while but it's been about a month. Part of it was my general apathy. I've had some false starts when I have tried to engage on okc. You know, those conversations that go back and forth for maybe 20 messages or so before radio silence. Of course there's also the general lazy propositioning and nonsense. Nothing funny enough to share. Mostly, I've been going out on my own, living my life.

 

I have been talking to someone who seems really promising. He seems friendly and articulate and a good match on paper from what I know. We were going to meet last Wednesday but it was raining like crazy here so I cancelled. Then he picked this Wednesday to reschedule to and it's going to be raining again. I don't know what to do. The universe is conspiring against me. Or at least the weather is. 

[JTMacc99]

Might as well get the relationship's rainy days out of the way right at the start.

[aradia22]

It ended up not raining. So yes, I went out with a new guy tonight. Let's call him... Mr. London. Mr. London is Chinese like I am. He grew up in Singapore before moving to London and then the US and has a British accent. We met at 6:30 and said goodbye at midnight. I'm back to marathon dating. He was relatively attractive but not terribly suave (I will elaborate if you ask) and shorter than I'd expected him to be. He listed himself as my height but I definitely think I was taller than him by a bit when we were standing. I was not feeling a lot of romantic chemistry but we got along and it wasn't completely friendly/platonic chemistry. I put on my fancy hat and we talked some high culture... but casually. I did deploy quite a few SAT words. Let's put it that way. Look, I'm not the problem. I'm charming as fuck when I want to be. It was a long date so I did pull out some recycled material but he didn't know that. I think I sparked more with Mr. Agreeable (who never replied again) but things could build with Mr. London. It wasn't like Mr. Short But Sweet where I knew it was never going to happen. I didn't have to carry the conversation but I did have to drive it. We went to some weird places and I got a little negative. I also ended up going to religion and politics which seems to happen on every first date. But he rolled with it. I think I initiated physical contact early on because he had something in his hair and I plucked it out. After that he would touch my hand every so often and things like that when we were talking. In the awkwardness of the goodbye he opted for a hug. Throughout the date we implied that we'd see each other again (though I kind of do that with everyone) and he asked if we could do it again next week but I told him I'd have to check my schedule.

[aradia22]

So my Mr. Makeout phase is over. We've texted very sporadically after those three dates. Yesterday he texted to say he met someone he likes and is going to be seeing exclusively. I'm far from broken up about it, which is probably a good sign that I shouldn't have seen him again anyway. I have some prospects on the horizon but nothing too promising.

[KnoxForPres]

Give guys a chance. I could drop SAT words here too, but I've learned the nice ones are keepers.

It took me a long time to know that and I think I judged people. And I lost out on some greats

But I'm dating a real life guy who I work with and he kicks all kinds of ass but has no style-but that's fixable and he's great.

Edited March 12, 2016 by KnoxForPres

[DeLurker]

Give guys a chance. I could drop SAT words here too, but I've learned the nice ones are keepers.

It took me a long time to learn there was a difference between being educated and being intelligent.

[aradia22]

 

Give guys a chance. I could drop SAT words here too, but I've learned the nice ones are keepers.

All I meant is that we went a little intellectual, but in a fun, casual way. That was unrelated to him not being suave... which was like mopping his forehead and tugging at his collar and getting hot chocolate on his upper lip and awkwardly making physical contact, etc. There were also some things he said. I can't recall them now. They weren't red flags but they did give me pause. Again, none of these things were outright dealbreakers. I'm going to see him again on Thursday. I'm just trying to say that while it wasn't completely friendly and platonic he didn't exactly put out a vibe that was romantic either. I'm still figuring him out. It's too soon to know if he's nice yet.

[NutMeg]

It took me a long time to learn there was a difference between being educated and being intelligent.

and another while to learn the difference between being intelligent and being emotionally atuned...

[JTMacc99]

It took me a long time to learn there was a difference between being educated and being intelligent.

 

and another while to learn the difference between being intelligent and being emotionally atuned...

And it took me far too long to figure out how to let my own level of intelligence* just be what it is and not something I should be trying to accentuate.  And interestingly, becoming emotionally attuned took even longer, required a whole bunch of stuff to happen over a period of time, and definitely triggered that first one.  So what I'm saying is, sometimes the younger guys have the potential to pick up all of the skills they need in life, but I have no idea how you're supposed to figure out which ones will and which ones won't.  (Super helpful! Thanks JTMacc!)

 

* I misspelled intelligence when I typed that sentece. Heh.

[NutMeg]

And it took me far too long to figure out how to let my own level of intelligence* just be what it is and not something I should be trying to accentuate.  And interestingly, becoming emotionally attuned took even longer, required a whole bunch of stuff to happen over a period of time, and definitely triggered that first one.  So what I'm saying is, sometimes the younger guys have the potential to pick up all of the skills they need in life, but I have no idea how you're supposed to figure out which ones will and which ones won't.  (Super helpful! Thanks JTMacc!)

 

* I misspelled intelligence when I typed that sentece. Heh.

If I could, I would plus your post a dozen times. Very well said, and very true for me too.

Maybe that means sometimes it's the right person but at the wrong time (both not emotionally attuned yet).

If so, the beauty is that sometimes you do reconnect with someone who was right after you've both emotionally suffered and grown, and it just clicks - and the shared past helps it click quicker.  

[ZaldamoWilder]

If I could, I would plus your post a dozen times. Very well said, and very true for me too.

Maybe that means sometimes it's the right person but at the wrong time (both not emotionally attuned yet).

If so, the beauty is that sometimes you do reconnect with someone who was right after you've both emotionally suffered and grown, and it just clicks - and the shared past helps it click quicker.  

 

I love this.  It leaves room for the possibility that your chances of finding *the one* are better than once in a lifetime. 

[KnoxForPres]

All I meant is that we went a little intellectual, but in a fun, casual way. That was unrelated to him not being suave... which was like mopping his forehead and tugging at his collar and getting hot chocolate on his upper lip and awkwardly making physical contact, etc. There were also some things he said. I can't recall them now. They weren't red flags but they did give me pause. Again, none of these things were outright dealbreakers. I'm going to see him again on Thursday. I'm just trying to say that while it wasn't completely friendly and platonic he didn't exactly put out a vibe that was romantic either. I'm still figuring him out. It's too soon to know if he's nice yet.

I'm glad you're seeing him again.

Cosign he may not be nice, you're right.

I just wish someone had told my younger self to give all kinds of men chances (which no one did, down to they fed my ego to 'major in English, yes!' Why the fuck did no one tell me to do Pharmacy or something definite!). But I digress and clearly need therapy. So there's that.

[aradia22]

I'm back from date 2 with Mr. London. It was short. We went to my friend's show which lasted two hours and then went to get dinner. We were done in an hour. We're still friendly and for the most part I'm not put off by him. I'm just not feeling attracted to him or any kind of spark and even during this short date, I felt like the burden was on me to carry the conversation. I'm leaving the ball in his court. If he reaches out again, I'll consider it but I don't want to initiate because I feel like I'd be wasting his time.

[JTMacc99]

We're still friendly and for the most part I'm not put off by him. I'm just not feeling attracted to him or any kind of spark and even during this short date, 

Nothing ventured, nothing gained.  (Says the guy who has a very interesting venture sitting right in front of him and hasn't moved on it.)

[ZaldamoWilder]

Nothing ventured, nothing gained.  (Says the guy who has a very interesting venture sitting right in front of him and hasn't moved on it.)

 

mmbecause....?

[JTMacc99]

mmbecause....?

Hoo boy... 

 

What we have here is two people who would both get something positive out of it right now. And we also have two people who are (for completely different reasons) probably not at all prepared to do much more than just enjoy each other's company when time permits. 

 

There is a lot of craziness in each of our lives, which both creates the opportunity to get a break from it all with each other and creates the pretty real threat of making one or both of us eventually looking at the other one and pull a very Seinfeld "Good luck with all of that!" on our way out the door.

 

So we're both sort of feeling this one out to make sure we're on the same page. I'll keep you posted if you would like.